The Emotionally Intelligent Practitioner:

Past, Present, and Implications for the Future

By Chris Wilson

In the Beginning Introduction

Back story• EI and mediation training

Slideshare

Acronyms• EI = Acronym for emotional intelligence• EQ = emotional quotient or a measurement of

the degree of emotional intelligence development

WORKSHOP OVERVIEW Emotional Intelligence

• Self awareness

• Self regulation

Mindfulness

Unconscious processes

The exciting part is that we get to create the future!

Past

Present

Future

CHECKING IN EXERCISE Purpose – Awareness

How? By taking just 10 seconds to jot down your internal dialogue.

You won’t be asked to share your personal thoughts.

You will be asked to share your meta-thoughts.

Check in now

QUESTION

Why study emotional intelligence at an RJconference?

SOCIAL CAPITAL

Foundational

Free expression of emotions (good and bad) Restores and

Builds relationships, which creates social capital.

(Wachtel & McCold, 2004).

Essence of community

A Focus on EmotionsAn Excerpt from Mediating Dangerously

“Tolstoy wrote that everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself. Many mediators are drawn to conflict resolution because of its potential to change other people, but they fail to perceive that unless they change themselves, the very help they offer may limit or confine the people they are trying to support” (Cloke, 2001, p. 41).

What does this mean for us?

A Brave look at Ourselves as Practitioners – Mediating Dangerously

Dr. Cloke goes on to say…

“The raw emotions and rough tensions that emerge during mediation call on us to be centered in our emotional experiences” (Cloke, 2001, p. 47).

So the question becomes: How comfortable are we with strong displays of

emotion?

A Mediation Story Confronting Vice Principal Vernon!

Check in now

Emotions Emotion, move, and motivate share the

Latin root = emovare – to move.

Exploring and developing emotional intelligence makes us happier, and able to:• Motivate ourselves• Manage stress• Resolve conflict

Emotions It gives us the skills to:

• Encourage• Comfort• Discipline• And confront

people.

What are Emotions?The Physiology of Emotions

Amygdala – Center in the brain where emotions are stored.

• Every time we build a memory or learn something we build an emotional (cellular)

connection to it, no matter how small. When we think about that memory again, the emotion is reactivated.

*Math*

Emotions become cellular signals that translate information into physical reality.

Mind and body are inseparable.

Stress and sickness

Mediation Training and Emotional Intelligence (EI) by Lori Schreier

Conflict Resolution Quarterly, vol. 20, no. 1, Fall 2002

175 mediation training organizations were polled and asked about training mediators to deal with emotions in mediation.

The article focused on two key EI competencies:• Self-awareness• Self-regulation

Outcome of the Study• Knowledge and is being shared.

• 67% of transformational mediators - did not think training was adequate.

• General consensus – Most training doesn’t sufficiently teach how to be with, or work with, strong emotions in mediation.

• All participants supported including emotional self-awareness in mediation training.

• Thoughts?

What is EI?Emotional Intelligence is the capacity for

-recognizing our own feelings,

-the feelings of others

And for

-motivating ourselves as well as

-managing emotions well

in ourselves and in our relationships.(Goleman 2000, p. 317)

FACTS ABOUT EIMen and women are generally

Equal in total emotional intelligence

EI does not mean “being nice”. Nor does it mean letting your feelings have free

rein or– “letting it all hang out.”

EI can be learned and enhanced with Maturity

Experiences Exercises

What are the Arguments?

Some experts claim that EI…• Is more powerful than IQ •Matters twice as much as IQ•Or is the best predictor of success in life

•What do you think?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=UBTlbO8Kto0

Emotional Intelligence: Theory, Findings, and Implications

Psychological Inquiry 2004, Vol. 15, No. 3, 197-215

Research says:

• “As EI rises, so does academic performance, measures of relatedness, the ability to communicate motivating messages such as vision statement, and other similar criteria” (p. 209).

• “EI varies inversely with bullying, violence, tobacco use, and drug problems” (p. 207). This study measured middle school aged adolescents.

(Mayer et al., 2004)

Composite Picture of an EIndividual

Solving emotional problems likely requires less cognitive effort.

(Mayer et al., 2004)

Likely to have

possessions of

sentimental

attachments

around the home

Drawn to occupations involving social interactions –

TeachingCounseling

More positive social interactions Can use

emotions in

thought

Somewhat higher in verbal, social, and other intelligences

Tend to be more open and agreeable

Can better perceive emotions

Check in now

EI Components

Personal• Self-awareness• Self-regulation• Motivation

Social• Empathy• Social Skills

(Goleman 2000)

A CLOSE LOOK AT SELF-AWARENESS

• Intuition is at the heart of self-awareness.

• This is literally a feelingin the abdominal areatelling us:

“Something does/n’t feel right.”

• These cues play a huge role in emotional emergencies.

“Gut feeling” is what scientists refer to as a second brain located in our abdomen.• Aka – intuition, wisdom

Composed of millions of neurons.

Originating from the neural crest.

Beware – there might be more!• The Other 90 Percent

Call it intuition, higher power or whatever you choose. We need to learn to trust it and trust it often.

Think about a time your gut told you something and you didn’t listen.

What stopped you?

Examples – Regrets, Successes?

When we don’t listen, it’s usually because we are trying to please others instead of ourselves.

Decision making comparison.

EI EXPERTS SAY: “An intuitive decision is nothing but a

subconscious logical analysis.” (Goleman 2000, p. 54)

It is “the capacity to sense messages from our internal store of emotional memory—our own reservoir of wisdom and judgment” (2000, p. 54)

WHY DISCUSS INTUITION?

It’s at the heart of self-awareness and self-awareness is the foundation for the following 3 competencies:

(Goleman 2000)

SELF AWARENESS1.Emotional Awareness

2.Accurate Self Assessment

3.Self Confidence

(Goleman 2000)Check in now

1. EMOTIONAL AWARENESS

RECOGNIZING ONE’S EMOTIONS AND THEIR EFFECTS

People with this competence: Know which emotions they’re feeling and why

Realize the link between feelings and what they think, do, and say

Recognize how feelings affect performance

Have a guiding awareness of values and goals(Goleman 2000, p. 54)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=OE1ukaNBJnE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=rnChN88Jb_Q#t=0s

HOW DID SHELDON DO?

EMOTIONAL AWARENESS Are we generally aware of our emotions?

Barriers and consequences - + Busy schedules+ Emotional oblivion+ Ignorance of messages our bodies are sending= Chronic headaches, backaches, anxiety

“Alexithymia” – psychiatric term for people with a confused awareness of their own feelings.

EMOTIONAL AWARENESS“People have to stop thinking of their feelings as

irrelevant and messy, and realize they are in fact highly differentiated, nuanced patterns of reaction, knowable sources of information.”

Dr. Shoshana Zuboff, Psychologist and Professor at Harvard Business School

“We only know what to do by realizing what feels right to us. Attention is our most precious resource. Feelings are the body’s version of the situation; everything we want to know about our situation is revealed in our feelings.”(Goleman 2000, p. 61)

2. ACCURATE SELF ASSESSMENTKNOWING ONE’S INNER RESOURCES, ABILITIES, AND LIMITS

People with this competence are:

Aware of their strengths and weaknesses

Reflective, learning from experience

Open to candid feedback, new perspectives, continuous learning, and self-development

Able to show a sense of humor and perspectives about themselves.• The opposite – Blind spots

(Goleman 2000, pp. 61-62)

Check in now

Blind Spots Blind spots result in lack of self-

awareness. We can’t bear to admit to failings.

Antidote: Seek out feedback! (Goleman,2000)

Blind

Ambiti

o

n

Unrealistic

Goals

RelentlessStriving

Dri

vin

gO

thers

Power

Hungry

Insatiable

Need for

Recognition

Preoccupied with appearances

Need to seem perfect

3. SELF CONFIDENCE

A STRONG SENSE OF ONE’S SELF-WORTH AND CAPABILITIES

People with this competence:

Present themselves with self-assurance; have “presence”

Can voice views that are unpopular and go out on a limb for what is right

Are decisive, able to make sound decisions despite uncertainties and pressures(Goleman 2000, p. 68)

Self Confidence

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=GVRPpJQjwMg#t=0s

ALLIGATOR RIVER EXERCISE

Alligator River After the story, rate the following characters on a

continuum from 1 to 5.

1 = best/least reprehensible 5 = worst/most reprehensible

 BUFFY _________ SKIP ___________

OLD NORMAN ___________ SINBAD ___________ SLUGGO ___________

Alligator River Were values obvious?

Were you decisive in prioritizing characters?

Did you go with your gut?

Were you open to new perspectives?

How did this exercise make you feel?Check in now

What are some things we can we do if we become aware that we are not handling our emotions well in a mediation?

Any questions before we leave self-awareness and proceed to self-regulation?

SELF REGULATIONManaging one’s internal states, impulses, and resources.

1. Self-control: Keeping disruptive emotions and impulses in check.

2. Trustworthiness: Maintaining standards of honesty and integrity.

3. Conscientiousness: Taking responsibility for personal performance.

4. Adaptability: Flexibility in handling change.

5. Innovation: Being comfortable with novel ideas, approaches, and new information.• Vulnerability(Goleman 2000, p. 26)

Faking EI

• Our true self shows through:

Body language Can’t wholly conceal body language

Verbal expressions Tone, words, pitch

Facial expressions Our face can be the least revealing part of us. Why?

LEAKAGE People are better at controlling their overall

facial expression than • their tone of voice • body language• fleeting micro-emotions.

(Goleman 2000, p. 323)

Ekman calls these micro expressions• Very fast, lasting only 1/5 of a second• Reveal emotions one is trying to conceal• Lacks smoothness(Ekman, Paul. Emotions Revealed. New York: Holt Paperbacks, 2003)

Lie to meCheck in now

Something else to consider…

American Journal of Cardiology published an article saying our heart’s magnetic field -• not only permeates every cell in our body • but also radiates outward.

Electrical changes in the heart have been detected up to five feet.

Generally, your heart’s energy can be felt from 2 to 3 feet away.

Others can feel if we are genuine or fake.

(Gordon, J. 2003. Energy Addict. New York: The Berkeley Publishing Group. pp. 163-164)

Self Regulation Exercise Think of a recent interaction with

others in which your felt upset, impatient, or angry.

Take a minute to answer the questions on your handout.(Hughes & Bradford Terrell, 2012)

PUTTING ON THE BRAKES 3 Things we can practices to avoid acting impulsively:

1. Take your own emotional pulse. Fill in the blanks: “I feel ___, because ____.

1. This is simple reality testing.

2. Take a deep breath in through your nose and let it out through your mouth. Keep exhaling until all the air is released.

1. Breathing deeply interrupts much of the physiological momentum that can build and lead to impulsive behavior.

3. Ask yourself: “What is the very best possible outcome that can happen in this situation?’ and see what occurs to you.

1. Thinking cognitively takes your attention out of the emotional circuitry and helps target the optimal outcome. (Hughes & Bradford Terrell, 2012)

Moving out of EI and into consciousness

MINDFULNESS Mindlessness

Impairs our work Makes us unavailable to

our clients Diminishes ability to

• Gather information• Listen• Understand

Riskin, L. L. (2004). Mindfulness: Foundational Training for Dispute Resolution. Journal of Legal Education, 79-90.

MINDFULNESS: Foundational Training for Dispute Resolution

by LL. Riskin (2004) Journal of Legal Education

Mindfulness means: Being aware Moment to moment Without judgment Of one’s bodily sensations, thoughts, emotions, and consciousness (Riskin, 2004)

Living in the NOW insteadof the past or future

MINDFULNESS Achieved through meditation, focusing

first on Breath Next bodily sensations Emotions Thoughts Finally Bare-attention – moment to

moment non-judgmental awareness (Riskin, 2004)

Mindfulness exercise and debrief

MINDFULNESS A “mental mode of being engaged in the present

moment without evaluating or emotionally reacting to it” (Jha, A. P. 2013. Being in the Now. Scientific American Mind, 26-33).

Shifting attention from a narrative mode of viewing self to a more experiential view. Observing the unfolding of your thoughts, feelings and sensations over time. (Jha, A. P. 2013. Being in the Now. Scientific American Mind, 26-33).

AWARENESS AND ETHICS DISPUTEResolution and Law: Why Mindfulness Tends to Foster

Ethical Behavior

LL. Riskin (2008) South Texas Law Review

Mindfulness could enhance tendencies to behave ethically.

We become more aware of our thought processes and the intentions behind them.

Helps us see interconnections with others.

Greater likelihood of adopting universal norms such as honesty and fairness.

Thoughts?Check in now

UNCONSCIOUS PROCESSESMindfulness, Emotions, and Ethics: The Right Stuff? Nevada Law Journal

Ellen Waldman celebrates Leonard Riskin’s ‘mindfulness’ and suggests limitations.• Examines mindful practice and ethical decision-making

• Mindfulness may affect conscious but not unconscious processes.

• Recommends changing one’s environment to effect unconscious processes.

• States unconscious prejudices will come out in our body language.

• For more about the brain and unconscious processes watch Brain Games on NatGeo

Waldman, E. (2010). Mindfulness, Emotions, and Ethics: The Right Stuff? Nevada Law Journal, 513-534.

So Where are We?

CHECK IN EXERCISE

Was it easy tuning in to your internal dialogue?

Do you see any patterns or trends in your dialogue?

What impact could your internal dialogue have played in your participation in this workshop?

Is there anything you want to change about your internal dialogue? • If so, what would it be?

EI• Self awareness

• Self regulation

Mindfulness

Unconscious processes

“CONFLICT IS THE ARROW POINTING TO WHAT WE NEED

TO LEARN MOST”~Kenneth

Cloke~

Works CitedCloke, K. (2001). Mediating Dangerously: The Frontiers of Conflict Resolution. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass Publishers.

Ekman, P. (2003). Emotions Revealed: Recognizing Faces and Feelings to Improve Communication and Emotional Life. New York: Holt Paperbacks.

Goleman, D. P. (2000). Working with Emotional Intelligence. New York: Bantam Books.

Gordon, J. (2003). Energy Addict. New York: The Berkeley Publishing Group.

Hughes, M., & Bradford Terrell, J. (2012). Emotional Intelligence in Action. San Francisco: Pfeiffer.

Jha, A. P. (2013). Being in the Now. Scientific American Mind, 26-33.

Katz, N. &. (2006, November 03). Interpersonal Communication and Conflict Management Skills Workshop. Fort Lauderdale.

Lynn, A. B. (2007). Quick Emotional Intelligence Activities for Busy Managers. New York: American Management Association.

Mayer, J. D., & Caruso, D. R. (2004). Emotional Intelligence: Theory, Findings, and Implications. Psychological Inquiry, 197-215.

Riskin, L. L. (2004). Mindfulness: Foundational Training for Dispute Resolution. Journal of Legal Education, 79-90.

Riskin, L. L. (2008). Awareness and Ethics in Dispute Resolution and Law: Why Mindfulness Tends to Foster Ethical Behavior. Texas Law Review, 493-503.

Schreier, L. S. (2002, Fall). Emotional Intelligence and Mediation Training. Conflict Resolution Quarterly, pp. 99-119.

Wachtel, T., & McCold, P. (2004). From Restorative Justice to Restorative Practices: Expanding the Paradigm. IIRP's 5th International Conference on Conferencing, Circles and other Restorative Practices. Vancouver: International Institute for Restorative Practices. Retrieved February 09, 2010, from What is Restorative Practices: http://www.iirp.org/whatisrp.php

Waldman, E. (2010). Mindfulness, Emotions, and Ethics: The Right Stuff? Nevada Law Journal, 513-534.

Questions?

Feel free to contact me at:Iheartresolution@gmail.com

I HEART RESOLUTION

The End