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SCRIPT DEVELOPMENT
1st Version of the Script This is the first version of the salesman script. The initial script has some issues such as foreshadowing the plot twist too visibly, story consistency at the beginning, and at certain points flat or inadequate characterization. Some of the dialogue has either been replaced or completely removed to make a much smoother narrative and avoid one-dimensional characters. I have also added a completely new final scene in order to add depth and because the original ending is too descriptive and hard to shoot. The beginning of the script will need further changes as it is currently not developed enough and sets the wrong tone for the rest of the short film. There are also some grammar, formatting and logical mistakes that will be fixed. Also the character of Casey is too aggressive which may reveal the plot twist prematurely. The script also lack humorous lines which I will attempt to incorporate into the next draft. There will also be more dialogue added and directions on how actors should portray the characters in order to get my message through more specifically.
2nd Version of the Script In the second draft I still need to improve the first scene as it feels much weaker than the others and starts the film with a weak impression. The spacing issue need to be addressed as it makes the script look amateurish and clumsy. There are still a few logical issues and spelling mistakes as well that I haven't noticed last time, however most of the script doesn’t need anymore drastic changes. I have added a few more lines and directions for Casey to make her a more interesting character and to improve her dynamic with Bob. I will also need to fix the last conflict scene between Bob and Casey as there seems to be too much unnecessary physical movement. The character of Bob is mostly unchanged, with only minor fixes to better show off his struggle and synergy with Casey.
Final Version of the Script
Final Version of the Script
Final Version of the ScriptThis is the final version of The Salesman script. The first and most visible change is the creating distinction in the script through making the dialogue italic and the name of person speaking bold, giving the script a much more professional look. All of the formatting, logical and spelling mistakes have been fixed. The whole first scene has been reworked to improve the characterization of Mr. Smith and make his motives more apparent without ruining the plot twist. The character of Bob also receives a much better introduction to the audiences, which makes the short film have a much stronger first impression. I have also included room for improvisation during the makeup testing scene, in order to let my actors have some creative freedom in their respective roles. Lastly a few lines of dialogue had been altered to make the characters more believable and realist, while staying in context of the film and improving their on-screen chemistry.
Photo Storyboard (draft 1)Scene 1
MLS (handheld)Pan to next shotDialogue: We have a new…go easy on him.
LS (handheld) MS, Tilt upwards from file to face
MS, POVDialogue: Good morning sir…part of the company.
MLS, OTS Dialogue: Ease up Bob…pay a visit today.
MLS, POVDialogue: Thank you sir…let you down.
Photo Storyboard (draft 1)Scene 1
Scene 2
MLS, OTSDialogue: I’m sure you won’t.
LSDialogue: I won’t disappoint you sir.
ELS, Pan (handheld) ELS (handheld)
ELS (handheld)
Photo Storyboard (draft 1)Scene 2
LS (handheld)
OTS, MCU (handheld)Dialogue: Hey…leave me alone.
OTS, Zoom (handheld)
OTS (handheld)
ELS (handheld)
MLS (handheld)Dialogue: Good day…time for my pitch?
Photo Storyboard (draft 1)Scene 2
Scene 3
MS, POV Dialogue: Alright sure…Get in.
LS, POV Dialogue: Alright. Go on…more important things today.
LS, POVDialogue: O-Ok. As you can see…unknown to the wider market. Also--
MS, POV Dialogue: I am sure… satisfaction is currently very high.
LS Zoom/Dolly in
LS, POV Dialogue: Wait, stop. I know there are…were my own face.
Photo Storyboard (draft 1)Scene 3
LS, POVDialogue: Can you stop…there is no need.
CU, Focus pull object to faceDialogue: Oh, doesn’t this look lovely…beautiful inside and out.
MS, Low Angle, POV (handheld)
MLS, POV Dialogue: Don’t be such a wuss. I think…won’t hurt you.
MS, POV, High Angle Dialogue: We have a new…go easy on him.
MS (handheld)Dialogue: Alright. I can do it.
Photo Storyboard (draft 1)Scene 3
CU, POV, High Angle
MLS, POV (handheld)Dialogue: Wait, what?...may I take my leave.
CU, POV, Low Angle (handheld)Dialogue: Oh my god. You look so lovely.
LSDialogue: There is no leaving until…stopping you from leaving.
MLS, POVDialogue: Let me just bring…the right product for me.
MLS, POV (handheld)Dialogue: Go ahead, big corporate Hot Shot.
Photo Storyboard (draft 1)Scene 3
CU, Zoom in MS ,Low Angle
OTS, High AngleLS, POV (handheld)LS, POV (handheld)Dialogue: Glad you decided…box of wonders.
Photo Storyboard (draft 1)Scene 4
Scene 5
MLS, Dolly out
MS, POV (handheld)Dialogue: As you can see,…untapped potential.
MS, POV ,Focus pull from mobile phones to Bob (handheld)Dialogue: The newest and most beautiful…has arrived.
Photo Storyboard EvaluationThe first draft of the photo storyboard sets a strong foundation of the techniques that
the film will rely on due to its mockumentary genre and climax build up.Regarding the use of handheld camera which is one of the staple ideas for shooting the film as we are following the journey of Bob, it is difficult and I wish to improve the balance of the umber of the shot types used in order to make the audience still feel like they are engaged with Bob, yet still be engaged in the on-screen power struggles and dramatic moments. It is also key to avoid the overuse of hand held as it can be disorienting to the audience.I would also like to improve my transitional techniques such as panning and tilting when the camera is not handheld in order to make the story progress more smoothly and to avoid using too many shots and cuts which can affect the cohesiveness of the film and loose the attention of the audience.In a few scene I will also need to add a few shots and possibly add some angle diversity during scene 3 in order to more efficiently communicate the power relationship . In the first scene I wish to add a close-up scene of the make-up box alone before Mr. Smith or Bob come into contact with in it in order to raise the audiences curiosity of what's inside it and create an impactful presence for the object. In the last scene I also need to add a few more shots for Mr. smiths final monologue, such as an over-the shoulder shot of him getting a phones message and opening it. Also adding a shot with just the mobile phone and might also be a good change of pace for the end of the film as it also sets up the character of Mr. Smith as more intimidating the slower the scene is. Another aspect I would like to improve is the composition of the reaction shot when Bob reveals his face in scene 3, as I would like to make it more visually enclosed by his surroundings to portray his capture in a more subtle way as well. Furthermore I believe I should add more reaction shots, during the change in atmosphere between Bob and Casey in order to increase pacing and tension, which would increase their on-screen dynamic and make their interactions more organic.
Photo Storyboard (final draft)Scene 1
MLS (handheld)Pan to next shotDialogue: We have a new…go easy on him.
LS (handheld) MS, Tilt upwards from file to face
MS, POVDialogue: Good morning sir…part of the company.
MLS, OTS Dialogue: Ease up Bob…pay a visit today.
MLS, POVDialogue: Thank you sir…let you down.
Photo Storyboard (final draft)
Scene 1
Scene 2
MLS, OTSDialogue: I’m sure you won’t.
LSDialogue: I won’t disappoint you sir.
ELS, Pan (handheld) ELS (handheld)
ELS (handheld)
Photo Storyboard (final draft)
Scene 2
LS (handheld)
OTS, MCU (handheld)Dialogue: Hey…leave me alone.
OTS, Zoom (handheld)
OTS (handheld)
ELS (handheld)
MLS (handheld)Dialogue: Good day…time for my pitch?
Photo Storyboard (final draft)Scene 2
Scene 3
MS, POV Dialogue: Alright sure…Get in.
LS, POV Dialogue: Alright. Go on…more important things today.
LS, POVDialogue: O-Ok. As you can see…unknown to the wider market. Also--
MS, POV Dialogue: I am sure… satisfaction is currently very high.
LS Zoom/Dolly in
LS, POV Dialogue: Wait, stop. I know there are…were my own face.
Photo Storyboard (final draft)Scene 3
LS, POVDialogue: Can you stop…there is no need.
MS, Low Angle, POV (handheld)
MLS, POV Dialogue: Don’t be such a wuss. I think…won’t hurt you.
MS, POV, High Angle Dialogue: We have a new…go easy on him.
MS (handheld)Dialogue: Alright. I can do it.
MS, High angle (handheld)
Photo Storyboard (final draft )Scene 3
CU, POV, High Angle
CU, POV, Low Angle (handheld)Dialogue: Oh my god. You look so lovely.
CU, Focus pull object to faceDialogue: Oh, doesn’t this look lovely…beautiful inside and out.
CU, POV, High AngleCU, POV, High Angle
MS,OTS
Photo Storyboard (draft 1)Scene 3
CU (handheld)LS, POV (handheld)Dialogue: Glad you decided…box of wonders.
MLS, POVDialogue: Let me just bring…the right product for me.
MLS, POV (handheld)Dialogue: Wait, what?...may I take my leave.
LSDialogue: There is no leaving until…stopping you from leaving.
MLS, POV (handheld)Dialogue: Go ahead, big corporate Hot Shot.
Photo Storyboard (final draft)
OTS, High AngleCU, Low Angle MS ,Low Angle
Scene 3
LS, OTS, High Angle
Photo Storyboard (final draft)Scene 4
Scene 5
MLS, Pan
MS, POV (handheld)Dialogue: As you can see,…untapped potential.
MS, POV ,Focus pull from mobile phones to Bob (handheld)Dialogue: The newest and most beautiful…has arrived.
OTS, High angle (handheld)
OTS, High angle (handheld)
Shooting ScheduleDate Scene Interior/
ExteriorDay/Night
Location Shooting Description/Summary
22/3/2017 1 Interior/Day Formal Office
Bob is acquainted with Mr. Smith. He receives the special item he must sell. The natures of the two characters are initially presented.
25/3/2017 2 Exterior/Day Suburban area/Outside of house
Bob is unable to make a sale, is about to visit last house. He meets Casey, after managing to intrigue she lets him into the house.
25/3/2017 3 Interior/Day Inside House/ Living Room
Bob is attempting to make a sales pitch to Casey. He is slowly losing control, she begins to take over the pitch and bully him. After their clash, Bob proceeds to run away.
25/3/2017 4 Exterior/Day Outside of house
As Bob runs out of the house, he is met with surprise mockery by his coworkers, as they jest and take pictures.
22/3/2017 5 Interior/Day Formal Office
After receiving the images Mr. Smith gives his final monologue to the audience.
Shooting ScheduleDay Scene Cast Crew Props
1 1 Filip BajagicOskar Kovacs
Filip StojcicSrdjan Vasic
Makeup BoxCharacter FileOffice Bag
2 2 Oskar KovacsUna Sandic
Filip StojcicSrdjan VasicOskar Kovacs
Makeup BoxMobile PhoneTrendy TracksuitSales listOffice Bag
2 3 Oskar KovacsUna Sandic
Filip StojcicSrdjan VasicUna SandicOskar Kovacs
Makeup BoxMobile PhoneTrendy TracksuitOffice Bag
2 4 Oskar Kovacs Filip StojcicSrdjan VasicUna SandicOskar Kovacs
Makeup BoxMobile PhonesOffice Bag
1 5 Filip Bajagic Filip StojcicSrdjan Vasic
Mobile Phone
Cast and CrewName Role Contact Address
Oskar Kovacs Bob Rider +381649973257 Svetog Nauma 1Una Sandic Casey +381634478110 27th Mart 22Filip Bajagic Mr. Smith +381649524392 Ostrovska 15
Name Role Contact Address
Filip Stojcic Director, Producer, Editor, Director of Photography
+381636682241 Jovana Rajica 5e
Srdjan Vasic Camera Assistant +381645500334 Radanska 2Oskar Kovacs Transport Manager +381649973257 Svetog Nauma 1Una Sandic Makeup Artist,
Costume Assistant+381634478110 27th Mart 22
Cast
Crew
CostumesFor my male characters I have decided to use suits in order to show there belonging to the corporate world, as it portrays formality and professionalism. However Mr. Smith will have a more prestigious suit than Bob, who will respectively have a less corporate image, to show his higher position and influence.
Casey will wear a standard couture tracksuit that is modern with todays females who wish to imitate their favorite celebrities. The suit is supposed to make this chav girl look trendy instead it depicts her as superficial and susceptible to useless contemporary trends and marketing.
Locations
I have chosen a typical one person office for scenes 1 and 5 to connote the power and authority of Mr. Smith. The office will also help establish the corporate environment at the beginning of the film.
The scenes 2 and 4 will be played out in a suburban surrounding to show the neighborhood and the outlandish nature of Bob’s task. It is an easy to find are and will help display Casey status of working class.
Scene 3 will take place in a stereotypical working class living room as it will not feature any contemporary designs to show the family financial situation and explain Casey obsession with modern celebrity culture.
Casting
For the of the male lead, Bob Ryder, I have chosen Oskar Kovacs as he has had acting experience due to taking a short course at Central Saint Martins UAL.
Regarding the female lead, Casey, I have chosen Una Sandic to be appropriate for this role due to her extensive experience in amateur theatre productions and her audition for November man.
The supporting male role of Mr. Smith has been assigned to Filip Bajagic due to his look and attitude that translate onto the role, and his acting experience such as having a minor role in Coach Carter
Equipment list• Camera• Tripod• Batteries• Lighting equipment• Memory card• Rain cover• Microphone• Battery charger• Electricity cable