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Introduction
Every year at such time, our kids get to hear many things about
“Hajj”. They hear it in the news and may be from relatives or
friends, but most of the time they do not fully understand what
the word “Hajj” means.
As parents, we are supposed to explain the meaning of Hajj to
our children and make them understand the universality and
the great meanings behind this fifth pillar of Islam and its
rituals.
However, we are faced with some challenges, such as : not sure
from where to begin, how to make the topic interesting to little
Muslims, how to explain it in a simple way for the kids to easily
understand. Here is the good news…
This E book, presented to you by OnIslam’s Family Section is
designed to help parents explain everything about hajj to the
little ones. All of the materials here are written specifically to
address parents who try to educate their children about Hajj. It
gives practical tips for parents and interesting information for
kids.
We hope this will be of help and benefit to our audience.
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Content:
Introduction………………………………………………………………………….3
Chapter 1: Explain Hajj to Your Children ……………………………….5
Chapter 2: What Should Your Kids Learn About Hajj Rituals? 11
Chapter 3: Tips for Parents Taking Kids to Hajj……………………..18
Chapter 4: The Family of Prophet Ibrahim (Story for Kids)..….26
Chapter 5: Counseling Q & A..................................................34
Psychological Impact of Slaughtering on Kids…………..35
Teaching Our Kids about Eid……………………………………43
5
Chapter 1
Explain Hajj to
Your Children
6
Explain Hajj to Your Children*
Every year Muslims around the
world get prepared for Hajj
season, and those who intend
to perform this holy ritual head
to Makkah in a spiritual journey of faith.
In such days, our children get
to hear lots of news about Hajj;
however, most of them are not
aware of many details related
to this holy season. When they
start to ask about Hajj, some
parents find it a little bit difficult for young kids to understand.
In this article, we collect
information from our prominent counselors in a
form of tips to help parents explain Hajj in a
simple way to their children.
*By Family Editorial Board
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Prepare Your Materials
Prepare for the Hajj lesson very well before
gathering your children for an introductory talk.
Get children Islamic books or articles and read
what young kids may say about Hajj. This will
help you understand major points to be emphasized in your lesson.
You will need more than just a talk. You can get
photos of Muslims at Hajj, posters, maps, Web
sites, book extracts, and video material for instance.
Cover These Points in Your Lesson
The five pillars of Islam and where Hajj fits into
the five. Hajj is a once-in a-lifetime obligation
for Muslims who have the physical and financial
ability to undertake the journey. It is also a form
of worship that involves the entire being: body, mind, and soul.
The story of Prophet Ibrahim (peace be upon
him) and the sacrifice he was asked by Allah to make.
Describe Hajj to your children and explain more
about the diversity of Muslims who come
8
together to worship Allah, and identify the reasons that Muslims give for undertaking Hajj.
1. Discuss Hajj by describing how it is exactly
performed. Make a model of the Ka`bah: you can do it
with a cubical cardboard box, some black paint, and a
line of gold fringe material. If possible, get some dolls or action figures to demonstrate how Hajj is made.
2. Tell your children what Muslims wear on Hajj and
why. Also, get one of your children to model ihram, the clothing men wear during Hajj and `Umrah.
3. Talk about the Talbiyah (what the pilgrims recite during Hajj) and recite together the Takbir of `Eid.
4. In addition to talking about how Hajj is performed,
you can give details about the Ka`bah‟s construction
and its reparations.
5. Talk about what Muslims do at the Ka`bah.
Explain how Hajj is different from a vacation
trip.
Explain what Muslims do at Arafat, Muzdalifa, and Mina.
9
Encourage the children to reflect on the idea
that Muslims travel with hope that the journey
will change them, that is, that they will come
back spiritually more developed by the experience.
Discuss with your children the idea that, for
many people, a religious life involves the sense of
being engaged in a quest to develop as fully as they can.
Time for Exercise
Invite your children to explain or act out how a
person may return from Hajj and how to feel
transformed by the experience. Children may
access a variety of resources you have such as
the photos, maps, stories, video material, etc., in order to find answers to the following:
1. Locate on a map the places of Hajj in and around
Makkah. 2. Who should go on Hajj, and when? 3. What do Muslims wear when on Hajj to Makkah,
and why? 4. Where is the Ka`bah? What does it look like and
who built it? 5. What do pilgrims do when they first arrive at the
Ka`bah in Makkah, and why?
10
6. What do pilgrims do when they go to Arafat, and
why?
By answering these questions, your children would have
fully understood everything about Hajj and knew what does Hajj means
11
Chapter 2
Hajj Rituals &
Your Kids
12
What Should Your Kids Learn About Hajj Rituals?*
Hajj plays an integral role for
every Muslim, young or old.
Special stories of Prophet
Ibrahim's sacrifices and his
family's journey are all
endearing for little Muslims and
should be revisited as the Hajj
season creeps around the
corner.
As much as children love
imitating their parents in
prayer, they can also be
reminded how important facing
the right way is - and the right
way is by facing the Ka'aba, that special building in Makkah that pilgrims visit.
The duo of Prophets, Ibrahim and Ismail, iconic prophets
in their own rights, were ordered to build the Ka'aba as
the special focal point for all of Muslims until this very
day and to keep it free from idols. That is very important
* Maria Zain
13
for all Muslims to remember as they perform their daily prayers and even more so during Hajj.
Imagine at any point in time of prayer at anywhere in
the world, every Muslim is facing one single direction -
and that is in the direction of the Ka'aba.
The focal point of the Ka'aba is also the heart and soul
of the Hajj. Not only do Muslims walk around the Ka'aba
seven times when required but the sight of the pilgrims
praying together in union is a sight to marvel at.
So, what is properly performed Hajj that would
reap such a reward?
Surely, Muslims of all ages would also like to know.
Special rituals take place during the Hajj and it's
important to know them as well as the wisdom behind each one.
But what are they? What makes a proper Hajj that
becomes a gateway to Jannah? Here are the pillars of
Hajj, explained to little Muslims.
First, Making the Best of Intention for the Best of Hajj
14
All Muslims must make sure they have enough money to
go for Hajj. They must also make intention to stay away
from bad deeds and to keep good company as they
prepare for this special journey. Performing Hajj to
please Allah should be the goal for every person who sets out on his or her pilgrimage.
Second, the Arrival Tawaf:
Every Muslim needs to walk around the Ka'aba seven
times, starting at the Black Stone in the anti clockwise
direction. This is done when arriving at the Ka'aba; after
that pilgrims pray two rakaat prayers facing the Ka'aba
(of course). Drinking waters from the Zamzam well
should also be done during this time.
Third, running to and fro Safa and Marwa.
Many children are already well acquainted with the story
of Hajar, running to and fro these two mounts. If they
are not, this is a great time to introduce this story to them.
All Muslims need to ascend Safa and Marwa seven
times. At each point, each pilgrim calls out Allahu Akbar and can make du'aa to Allah.
Fourth, Staying the Night at Minaa
15
On the eighth day of Dzul Hijjah, pilgrims make their
way to Minaa to spend the night there. Imagine all
pilgrims setting up tents in the middle of the desert and performing their prayers there! What an amazing sight!
Fifth, the Day of Arafah
The night after Minaa - after Fajr, pilgrims begin to
move to Arafah - an important station for the pilgrimage.
While being in `Arafah, you should busy yourself with
dhikr, du`aa', and asking for Allah's forgiveness. The
Day of `Arafah is a very blessed day. `A'ishah (may
Allah be pleased with her) narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said,
There is no day in which Allah frees a greater number of
His slaves from the Hellfire than the Day of `Arafah.
Allah comes close to His slaves and boasts about them
to the angels, then asks (a rhetorical question): "What do these slaves seek?" (Muslim)
Sixth, Muzdalifah and Minaa Once Again
After sunset, pilgrims venture to Mudzalifah to perform
combined prayers of Maghrib and Isha'. After spending
the night there, Muslims return to Minaa to throw
pebbles at the Grand Aqabah Jamrah, selecting 7
16
pebbles in doing so. It is recommended to say "Bismillah, Allahu Akbar" when throwing each pebble.
Next, it's time for male pilgrims to shave their heads and women to cut some locks of their hair.
Seventh, Tawaf Al-Ifadah
A special tawaf, called Ifadhah tawaf takes place at
Makkah once again. Pilgrims walk around the Ka'abah seven times.
After this is done, any special prohibitions upon pilgrims are lifted.
At Minaa, Muslims spend three days there, namely the
11th, 12th and 13th of Dzul Hijjah and throw pebbles
each day at the three Jamrats. This is done on each day, starting from the smallest to the largest Jamrat.
The Final, Farewell Tawaf
Finally, it‟s time to say goodbye to Makkah and the Hajj
season. Muslims perform one last tawaf - again in by
walking around the Ka'aba seven times in an anti
clockwise direction. This ends their Hajj rituals, and they
should also perform a two rakaat prayer, drink Zamzam
water and make plenty of du'a that their Hajj has been
17
accepted as perfected and proper and to be rewarded Jannah as their permanent resting abode.
Hajj is such an important journey for Muslims and it's
important for little Muslims to be acquainted with its
importance from young. Prophet Ibrahim's family's
stories are important to color the lessons of Hajj and so are the rituals of the important pilgrimage.
A proper Hajj calls for the rewards of Jannah and that is
a massive motivation for any Muslim, no matter how young, no matter how old.
Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessing be upon him) is
reported to have said, "He who performs Hajj without
speaking or committing indecencies (abstains from
sensual and sinful acts) will return as free of sins as he
was on the day when his mother gave birth to him." (Al-Bukhari and Muslim).
18
Chapter 3
Tips for Parents
19
Tips for Parents Taking Kids to Hajj*
Hajj is a journey of a
lifetime for any Muslim
and completes the fifth pillar of Islam.
There are an increasing
number of parents who
perform Hajj with their
families or whilst
expecting a child;
however, to make Hajj
a truly positive and
spiritual experience
when going with the
kids, it is important to take note of a few things.
Many people are worried about taking their children to
Hajj with them as the pilgrimage requires immense
physical, spiritual, and emotional preparation. Those
who do decide to take their children should strive to find
the best ways to prepare themselves and their kids and place their trust in Allah.
*By Tasnim Nazeer
20
Almighty Allah (Glorified and Exalted be He) says to us
in the Holy Qur‟an: “If anyone thinks that Allah cannot
support him in this life and in the Hereafter, let him turn
completely to (his Creator in) heaven, and sever (his
dependence on anyone else). He will then see that this
plan eliminates anything that bothers him.” [Qur‟an:
chapter 22, verse 15].
So leave your trust with Allah, do not worry, and take
heed of some essential tips to aid you in making your Hajj journey a little easier when going with the family.
Top tips for going on Hajj with your family:
1. Teach your children about Hajj
If your children are old enough you could explain to
them the significance of Hajj and what it entails and let
them know about the spiritual journey they will be
undertaking to get them motivated and excited, insha Allah.
2. Light cotton clothing for kids
Prepare for very hot conditions and ensure your children
wear clothing or ihram that is lightweight and loose.
Remember to pack extra change of clothes for the kids
and an over-garment for yourselves when you are performing Hajj with the kids.
21
3. Keep hydrated
Stack up on bottles of water and fluids for your children
as you have to ensure that you and the family are well-
hydrated. There are particular parts of Hajj such as in
Mina when you may spend time in tents and will need a lot more fluids to avoid dehydration.
4. Bring your sunscreen
It may sound rather obvious but children need
sunscreen protection and there are many sunscreens
which are suitable for kids to protect them from the
heat. It is important to bring one and use it on your
children to protect against sunburn as you will often be in uncovered space.
5. Make arrangements for necessary
immunizations
Your children should be immunized if they haven‟t
already done so before going to Hajj. This will ensure
that they are protected against meningitis, yellow fever,
and other diseases, depending on what is requested by
the Saudi government in any particular year.
6. Remember the cough syrup
22
There are medicines and basic first-aid kits which are
available for free in medical units, which are set up all
over the Hajj area; however, you may prefer to bring
your own cough syrup or any other prescription medication you will need.
7. Make dua with the kids at Mount Arafat
Many pilgrims spend the whole day in supplication and
prayer in Mount Arafat; therefore, it may help to
alternate care with you and your spouse to ensure that
you can make dua effectively. It is also a perfect time to
encourage your children to make dua if they are old enough.
8. Prepare for cold nights in Muzdalifah
Muzdalifah can be quite cold, so prepare by bringing a
blanket and something warm in your bag for you and the kids, as it is especially chilly in the cold seasons.
9. Find out from your Hajj guide/organizer about facilities for kids
It would be beneficial to discuss with your Hajj
organizers about the facilities available for children
whilst going to Hajj such as baby changing areas, places
to feed babies if you are nursing, wheelchair facilities if
they get tired, etc. This will ensure that you know what
23
your package facilities are so that you do not have to worry later.
10. Keep the kids busy whilst on the roads
You may find that the kids may get restless whilst on
the roads especially when you are travelling for long.
Keep the kids busy by arranging some things for them
such as drawing and coloring if they are young or travel
games. In addition to keep in the spirit of Hajj why not
get them to learn some short verses on the way.
11. Bring a travel pillow for children
Children get tired rather easily especially in hot climates
and they tend to feel more irritable especially if they are
young. If they do feel sleepy it may help to bring a small
cushion or travel pillows to keep them comfortable
whilst travelling for long hours.
Last but not least have a wonderful, spiritual, and
enlightening journey to Hajj and may Allah (glorified and
exalted be He) make it easy for all parents who are commencing on this
s beautiful journey of a lifetime.
“Our Lord! And make us submissive unto You and of our
offspring a nation submissive unto You, and show us our
24
Manasik (all the ceremonies of pilgrimage – Hajj and
Umrah) and accept our repentance. Truly, you are the
One Who accepts repentance, the Most Merciful” [Quran: chapter 2, verse 128].
25
Chapter 4
The Story of
Prophet Ibrahim
26
The Family of Prophet Ibrahim*
The story of Prophet Ibrahim (peace be upon him) and
his family was filled with constant test and trials to
prove their love and faith to Allah.
As a result of their sacrifices, the blessings of their good actions are still present with this Ummah today.
Hijrah to Allah
*Saleema Dawood
27
Prophet Ibrahim, his wife Hajar and their little baby
Isma‟il had been travelling for days. They stopped at a
place that had no water, plant or human life. The only thing they could see was hills and sand.
Prophet Ibrahim helped his wife and child dismount and
then left them with a small amount of food and water. He climbed back onto his camel to return home.
Hajar was very surprised and asked him, "Where are
you going Ibrahim, leaving us in this barren valley?" He
did not answer her. She repeated herself but he
remained silent. She was worried something terrible
would happen to them, especially their baby who could
die of hunger and thirst.
Then she asked him,” Did Allah command you to do so?”
“Yes,” he replied.
Then because she was an obedient wife who trusted
Allah and had a strong faith, she said with deep faith in
her heart, “If this is Allah‟s Command, then He will not abandon us.”
Running Between As-Safa and Marwa
Prophet Ibrahim was very worried about his family being
alone in this deserted place, but after all, he obeyed
28
Allah‟s command. He knew Allah was testing him; after
all, Allah tests those He loves most. Out of concern for
them he prayed, "O our Lord! I have made some of my
offspring dwell in a valley without cultivation, by Your
Sacred House (Kaba at Mecca) in order, O our Lord that
they may offer prayer perfectly. Incline the hearts of
some men towards them in pity, and O Allah provide
them with fruits so that they may give thanks." (Qur‟an 14:37)
After a few days, the water and food had been used up;
Hajar and her baby Isma‟il were gripped with hunger
and thirst. Hajar had been feeding Isma‟il milk from her
breasts, but that too had dried up. Baby Isma‟il began to cry piteously and Hajar‟s tears too began to flow.
Imagine how she must have felt – she was in agony
over her baby. She could not bear to see him suffer like
this so that she placed him down on the ground and
started running toward Mount As-Safa hoping to find
some food, water or somebody to help them in this
distressing time. She stood on the mountain, looking
keenly at the valley but nothing and nobody could be
seen. Then she descended mount As-Safa and ran in the
valley reaching the mountain of Al-Marwa. There too she
stood, hoping to see somebody to help them but there also, she found nothing and no one. Frantically,
29
She ran back to the first hillock, then from one to the
other, completing seven runs. It was hard but Hajar
remained patient and kept praying.
This event marks the Pilgrimage rite of Sa’y in Hajj
between Safa and Marwa.
Zam Zam!
Hajar returned to her little baby with an aching heart
and found him shrieking. “Mercy, O my Lord!” she cried.
She looked at her baby helplessly who appeared as if he
was on the verge of dying, praying with all her heart for
Allah to help them.
Then suddenly, in this moment of deep anguish, she saw
crystal clear water bubbling out of the dry earth. Allah had responded to her cries!
Quickly, she poured water onto Isma‟il‟s mouth and he
drank. She thanked Allah tremendously for His never
ending mercy as they filled their stomachs. Allah
rewarded her patience by causing water to gush forth from the dry earth to ease their sufferings.
It is this miracle water which is called Zam Zam.
This 4000 year old stream is still flowing, providing millions of pilgrims with water.
30
The Tribe of Jurhum
Due to the discovery of Zam Zam, the tribe of Jurhum
sought Hajar‟s permission to camp there and to use its
water. She was so happy to see people in this forsaken
land. Allah had indeed „inclined the hearts of some men‟
towards the place where she and her baby was
abandoned, thus answering Prophet Ibrahim‟s prayer for
his family. So, Hajar welcomed them heartily and many of them made Makkah their permanent home.
Prophet Ibrahim constantly thought of his family that he
left behind and thus visited them to see if they were
well. Upon finding them in the state they were in, he
thanked Allah who did not abandon them but sheltered them comfortably.
The Building of the Ka’bah
Isma‟il grew up and later, he got married to a young
woman from Jurhum tribe. Many years passed before his
father visited him again. This time Allah had
commanded him to build the first „House of Worship‟ where people could come together and worship Allah.
He found Isma‟il near the well of Zam Zam, sharpening
his hunting arrows. Ismai‟l was overjoyed to see his
father again and they greeted each other with love and
longing. He told Ismai‟l that Allah had instructed him to
31
build the Ka‟bah (cubic structure) on elevated ground.
As always, Isma‟il was ready to serve and obey his Lord.
So, the two of them set about digging the foundation.
Then they raised the foundations of the Ka‟bah. Isma‟il brought the stones while Prophet Ibrahim built.
While Isma‟il was handing him the stones, both of them
were saying:"Our Lord! Accept this service from us,
verily, You are the All Hearer, the All Knower." (Qur‟an 2
:127). Then both of them went on building and going round the Ka‟bah repeating this dua.
A Great Sacrifice Indeed
When Isma‟il was still a young man, Allah again put
Prophet Ibrahim to the test. Prophet Ibrahim‟s entire life
was one of tests and trials of his sincerity to Allah. One
night, he had a strange dream. He dreamt that he was sacrificing his only son, whom he loved so dearly.
Prophet Ibrahim knew that his dream comes as a command of God and that He shall obey the command.
This was an enormous sacrifice to ask of any person.
Prophet Ibrahim longed for a son in his old age and
Isma‟il was a great joy to him. Only a great Prophet like
Ibrahim was able to carry out such a painful task as proof of his true love for his Creator.
32
Prophet Ibrahim left for Makkah. It was heart-breaking
for him to tell his son about this news. He told Isma‟il
about the dream and asked his son what he thought.
Isma‟il showed great courage and obedience. He said:”
"O my father! Do what you are commanded, if Allah wills, you shall find me of the patient."
He then removed his clothes and drank some water.
Fearing that he might struggle, Isma‟il asked his father
to tie his hands and feet. Prophet Ibrahim sharpened the
knife so that death would be swift and less painful. He
laid Ismai‟l down and tied him. With a last painful look at
his son and a heavy heart he lifted his knife and brought
it down to Isma‟il‟s throat but the knife would not cut!
Ismai‟l urged his father to press harder and so he did
and still, the knife would not cut! He turned to Allah
asking for forgiveness for his weakness and Allah
responded to his plea, “O Ibrahim, you have fulfilled the
dream, thus we reward the obedient.” Both father and
son did not waver in their sacrifice… Nearby,appeared a big ram to be sacrificed in place of Isma‟il.
The same knife that would not cut the throat of Ismail,
cut the throat of the ram in one swift move causing
blood to gush to the earth.
33
This event is commemorated every year by
Muslims, on the day of Eidul-Adha, The Festival of
Sacrifice at the end of the annual Pilgrimage.
Lessons:
Because of Hajar‟s faith and trust in Allah, she
was prepared to stay alone with her baby in a
deserted desert – knowing in her heart that Allah
would not abandon them. When you have trust in
Allah you will do whatever He wants without
question. Allah promises ease after every hardship and
Hajar was at the point of extreme difficulty when
Allah brought relief. Isma‟il was equal in his dedication to Allah; he
did not question his father‟s motives because he
knew his father was acting on Allah‟s command.
Because of his dutiful ways his father loved him
dearly. A believer‟s life will always be filled with trials
and tribulations – it‟s how Allah tests our love for Him.
34
Chapter 5
Counseling Q & A
35
Psychological Impact of Slaughtering on Kids
Is it appropriate to make children watch the slaughtering of Al Uduheya in ‘Eid ul Adha?
Or would it have negative psychological impacts on them? What is the right age for
children to watch this? If it happened that children saw the scene of slaughtering the
Uduheya and were frustrated, what can parents do to solve this?
BismillahiRahmaniRahim
Asalaamu alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu, This
is a very good question and although it clearly requires a
ruling from a religious scholar from a Shari point of
view, I can discuss some of the psychosocial aspects Inshaa Allah.
There are many factors that influence a child‟s reactions
to potentially disturbing events. These include the child‟s
36
personality, his cognitive ability, his emotional maturity,
past experiences, preparation or explanation about the
event, as well as the support within the family
environment. This is further moderated by the influences
of the wider religion and social culture. So, we must
take these factors into account. They apply to all your
questions so inshaAllah please keep them in mind when managing each situation.
Regarding Eid al Adha, the scene as a whole will/can
have a range of associations to the child‟s response.
Unfortunately, in many cultures the enthusiasm to
complete the slaughter ritual may override the correct
methodology and to-date has resulted in much wastage
of meat and haraam (wrongful) treatment of animals as
well as lack of concern on the impact on the
environment, and negative results (all, I believe,
prohibited by Islam). So, this is also what children, who
witness the slaughter, will see as part of that ritual. The
children will be attuned to what goes on before and after the slaughter, especially if they found it difficult.
Turning specifically to your questions:
Is it appropriate to make children watch the slaughtering of Al Uduheya in ‘Eid ul Adha?
According to Sharia, there is no mention of an obligation
to observe the slaughtering. So, the idea of letting
37
children watch the slaughtering would not be seen from
the perspective of obligation. Rather, we could do this in
the context of teaching our children the story of Prophet
Ibrahim and his son Isamil and the lessons we get from
this story mainly surrendering to Allah‟s will. So, the point would not be merely observing the scene in itself.
However, we should be aware that emotional and
physical maturity is essential to process what is seen by
the observer. This is what I would suggest be the
criteria to use as a baseline if you feel strongly that a child needs to witness the slaughter.
Or would it have negative psychological impacts
on them?
There is no direct answer here, except that - as I have
mentioned at the start of the reply- factors, such as the
level of disturbance, depend on the child‟s level of
understanding, the preparation made, the child‟s
personality, past experiences and personal ability to
absorb such experiences as well as the wider socio-cultural influences.
So, for example, it is more likely that a non – Muslim
child living in a non- Muslim country may be more
disturbed since this event may be alien to their personal
and family culture and so will be framed more negatively
in a wider culture. This would further be affected by
38
attitudes to slaughter of animals in the Islamic manner in those countries.
Remember, different countries expose their children to
differing levels of such events. The same reaction is less
likely in a Muslim child living in a Muslim country where
such an event is common and an ingrained part of culture. So, the response depends on all these factors.
What is the right age for children to watch this?
Again, given that there is no research on this specific
topic, this is a difficult question. The age at which
parents allow their children to watch anything potentially
disturbing varies and depends on their knowledge of the
child and again external environmental factors. In many
cases, what are seemingly disturbing images in one
culture are seen as normal in another culture, and
children manage them very well because they are part of their life experience.
So, the answer is not simple. I think, because of this, it
would not be wise to give a specific age. Rather, my
suggestion would be to ensure that the „observing‟ child
has a fairly stable/clear view about the world around
them and is able to understand the context in which this
ritual exists because the context itself is very important
and increases the understanding of the importance of
39
the slaughter. Without it, it is simply a slaughter and that gives a very different message.
Of course, to understand the context one would need
the child to be familiar with more abstract concepts and
able to talk and discuss their experiences at a basic
level. This is because there need to be some processing
of the experience (by „processing‟ I mean discussion and
questions and answers about the effect of the
experience on the child‟s emotions and thinking about their world).
If it happened that children saw the scene of
slaughtering the Uduheya and were frustrated,
what can parents do to solve this?
If a child is distressed by the slaughter, then whatever
the age, it is important to talk about it. Research shows
that we are wrong to assume very young children, for
example under 5, have no concept of disturbing events
and can manage; the evidence shows they do not.
However, expression of their concerns is restricted by
their age. So, this advice inshaAllah applies to all
children. There are bi idh nillah a few simple steps the parents may take:
Listen to the child – and whatever they say, Do
Not say ‘It’s OK, Just don’t talk about it and it will
go away.’ Use simple language; many parents,
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when trying to explain disturbing situations, are
so uncomfortable about it themselves, they use
abstract language and the child is left without a
clear understanding but the parent feels they
have done their job. Give them a chance to express
their thoughts and try and understand as a parent
how they have experienced the event. Help them to
understand it.
Where there are confusions or misunderstandings
do not ignore them but address and answer
them. The biggest issue will be that the child will
probably feel the pain of the animal and this will
be heightened if the method was incorrect.
Reassure them of the reality. The child may have
recurring images of this event or find they
constantly think or talk about it. This may be
difficult for the parent to keep hearing but you
must bi idh nillah be patient and give a consistent
and supportive response inshaAllah.
Validate their feelings and say: „It‟s ok to feel
uncomfortable or find it difficult – many adults
do‟. Children should not be forced to be brave in
situations adults find difficult. But also tell them
that they will inshaAllah feel better later and the
distress will go away. Perhaps, tell them about
your experience and how you managed, as this
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will inshaAllah help them to realize they are not alone and it is something they can live with.
Ask the child if they have any questions and
answer them. Validate their questions, maybe
just by saying ‘that’s a good question’ to help
them feel they can talk about it no matter how
strange or difficult the question may be.
Remember that your reaction at this time will
affect their future response to this event and Eid al Adha in general.
When the child is more comfortable with their
feelings inshaAllah put the whole scene into the
wider context of the Prophet Abraham (Peace Be
Upon Him) and the commemoration of that event from an Islamic point of view.
Remind them that in the future they have a
choice to look at such things and they need not
force themselves to do something they find
unpleasant– since it is not a fard (obligation) on
them. This message is important as otherwise
they will feel Eid is about forcing oneself to look
at disturbing images and that will give them a
negative image of the din (religion). Remind the child that Allah (swt) wants ease for the creation.
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Do not take weeks or months discussing this and
do not spend hours on the same conversation. Be
confident and clear and encourage the child to
move on but keep your eye on them for some
time after the event and check they are ok as time passes on. InshaAllah they will be fine.
NOTE: If after 4 – 6 months the child remains disturbed
(or the problems increase) and the experience is
affecting their everyday functioning, then it is important
to take the child to see a psychologist for treatment as
they may be suffering from deeper psychological
problems.
May Allah (swt) reward you for this question and may the benefit of it be written as Sadaqah Jariah for you.
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Teaching Our Kids About Eid
How can we teach ‘Eid to our kids? If parents are going to have a family meeting with
their children before ‘Eid in order to talk to them about ‘Eid, how are they going to
explain ‘Eid to them and what are the lessons that can be taught in light of that
occasion? How can parents explain to their children the reason we perform Uduheya
and the story of Prophet Ibrahim when Allah ordered him to slaughter his son Prophet Ismail (peace be upon them)?
Answer From Mona Younes
As-salamu`Alaykum,
Before answering your question, I would like to send you
my heartfelt wishes for a happy and blessed Eid ul-
Adha. May Allah the Almighty help us all have our
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prayers answered, and our deeds rewarded in the hereafter. Amen.
In answering this question, I will somehow take a
different approach than the usual one. I will not just
answer the question of how we could teach Eid to our
children; rather, I prefer to take the opportunity of this
question to talk about a very important approach in
teaching children in general.
I will stop for a second by the question: “How can we
teach „Eid to our kids?” TEACH… if we really want to
have our words, our explanations and our instructions
be effective, this has to be done by taking our kids
(learners, whatever their age is) into a “constructive
learning process”. What does this mean? This is a really
long story, but to make a long story short, I will pin
point on some very simple principles that make this type
of “learning” meaningful and effective.
You may be astonished as I am supposed to direct my
words to ordinary Muslim parents and not to a highly
professional group of instructors or teachers. I fully
understand, but the bottom line is “meaningful learning
and its underlying principles are the same for parents
and professionals”; both want to reach the same goal,
which is to construct knowledge that is meaningful
andthat can be used and implemented in our kids‟ daily life.
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Here are the most important principles of a constructive learning approach:
In a constructive learning process, the learner is
in the center, he takes the lead and is
responsible for his learning; what we do is to
guide him, to facilitate that process. Each learner is unique and his needs, prior
knowledge, his abilities and skills have to be put
in mind. Learning is an active process, a social process
with lots of interaction between all parties
involved: here the parents, the kids, the siblings
and maybe also other friends…. We learn from
each other, we learn from others, we learn by
seeing others doing, hearing their words and
even by observing their mistakes. Likewise, learning happens when „what is learnt,
is put into context‟. If I am going to tell them a
story about Prophet Ibrahim, I have to put
principles of scarifying, direct immediate
obedience to Allah and trust in our Creator into the context of the learner‟s daily life.
Now, let‟s apply these principles to our situation:
Teaching kids about Eid.
The learner is in the center:
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Instead of telling our kids about Prophet Ibrahim and his
story, why not ask them to go and search for
information about Prophet Ibrahim. To have this done in
a safe way, we have to give them some supervision
time. If they are going to look up information on the
internet, why not give them keywords or some good
directories to use for their search. If they are going to
use the library or some story books at home, we have to
specify exactly what we want them to know about
Prophet Ibrahim‟s lengthy story. Let them come up with
the information…
If we have more than one child, why not distribute the
information and each should come up with a different
part of the story. In this way, they lead and we will
guide, help and support them. Then in the family
gathering, let them tell us about their findings. This will
raise their interest, motivation and they will feel very much attached to whatever information they brought.
Each learner is unique:
The uniqueness of our children has to be put in mind
while we ask them to come up with information about
Eid, Prophet Ibrahim and what should be done during
the Eid days. Maybe some of our kids are very musical,
let him/her come up with Eid Nasheeds and choose one
either to be sung, or he/she (according to age) would be
given the task to „teach us‟ (other family members) the song.
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Maybe you have got a very artistic son or daughter, why
not ask him/her to draw a sheep, Eid cards or do some
handicrafts.
All the above ideas might not be so attractive if we have
got children of an elder age (+8). For older children, you
might want to consider asking them to come up with
information about Eid customs and traditions around the
world, to tell us what makes us as Muslims different and
what unites us. Coming up with a PowerPoint
presentation or moviemaker product would be very
engaging for children at that age. Now think about the
level of motivation if those children are asked to perform
that product in front of a wider audience (neighbors and
relatives or even the local community). However, we
need to give them resources, needed tools and of course enough time.
The latter activity will serve other purposes. It will turn
our „teaching‟ into a joyful action…. Learning will be
fun…. This raises learners‟ motivation, interest and
involvement. All that means, at the end of the day, that
they will remember, stay attached and feel ownership of
what they are learning. Use the time of kids being
involved in doing the handicraft activity (Sheep drawing,
Eid card creation…etc.) in telling them a little bit about
the WHY question: „Why are we as Muslims so proud of
having Eid?‟ It reminds us of the prophets, it keeps us
attached to our religion, it unites us all together as
Muslims, it‟s a good chance to re-promise Allah to try
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our best to be obedient as Prophet Ibrahim once was, etc.
What is learnt is put into context:
The only thing left now is putting the concepts
(obedience, sacrifice, submission to Allah…) into
context; that means relating the concepts, which are the
underpinning principles and values in Prophet Ibrahim‟s life, to our kids‟ daily life.
This is easily done by example. When (name someone
who converted recently to Islam) converted to Islam, he
thereby submitted himself to the Will of Allah, like
Prophet Ibrahim, when he was asked to sacrifice his son.
Both are difficult decisions, but at the end, were able to
follow Allah‟s path, will be rewarded.
