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Stop the Bickering!

Getting a Handle on Sibling Rivalry

Zoë Mount, MFT

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Agenda Why do siblings fight? Common techniques parents use and

alternatives Tips Competition Alternative avenues for expression Helpful phrases Q&A

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Why do siblings fight? Get Attention! Keep their

position in the family

Assure themselves that they’re loved

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Techniques

Common“I don’t care who

started it”

Alternative“I’m sure you can

settle it yourselves”

I won!I lost

Our parents

have faith in our

abilities.

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Techniques

Common“I love you both the

same”

Alternative“I love you for who

you are”(no mention of

sibling)

I’m not loved for myself

She loves me for

me!

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Techniques

Common“You know you

don’t mean that”

Alternative“It sounds like

you’re very upset right now”

Yes I do! You don’t

understand!

You get it!

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Tips

Never make comparisons You are always safe staying with

feelings Avoid labels

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Solution focused meetings Good for child/child complaints as

well as parent/child issues Call family together Explain problem in non-blaming

terms Write down all possible solutions

with no judgment Go through final list and find most

workable solution

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Competition: some thoughts

Benefits Kids work harder Kids ‘push’ each other

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Competition: more thoughts

Drawbacks Children will fight Children will feel less secure

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Competition: final thoughts

Cooperation reduces bickering, increases harmony.

Try Emphasizing working as team De-emphasizing win-lose scenarios

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Alternative avenues for expression

Both children and parents can: Draw Write Play

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Helpful phrases for parents

“It sounds like you’re feeling….” “I bet you wish….” “I know you can…”

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Q & A

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A copy of this presentation

This presentation is available on the web at www.zoemount.com for your future reference.