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16 things black people wish they could explain to their
white friends
By Zola Ndlovu | Oct 08, 2014
Over the years, there is one observation Ive made about black
people in various social
situations. Amongst fellow black people, we dont feel the need
to explain ourselves; we just
get each other, even if were from different cultural
backgrounds. When youre a black
person amongst white people though, there seem to be a million
things you have to explain
about yourself and your life.
And most of the time, black people dont bother explaining
because its too much of an
effort.
In the interests of promoting social understanding and
togetherness, heres a list of things thatwhite people need to know
about black people. Very importantly, not all black people are
the
same, so not all of these will apply equally. Lovely friends,
here are 16 things that black
people need to explain to their white friends:
1. Bring and share parties are a white people thing
If youre going to organise a party then you should cater for it,
its a basic principle of
hospitality. The idea that I must cater for a party that you are
hosting is completely foreign to
me. Alas, because its your party, I will go with the flow and
bring a pack of Doritos, the
ones in a blue packet.
2. Underwear must be washed by hand, every day
When you walk into my bathroom you will almost definitely find a
few lacy numbers
hanging on the rail. Dont be alarmed. I was taught to wash my
undies straight after a bath.
3. Closed guest lists dont mean athang to us, if I hear about
it, Im there
Birthday parties, weddings, anniversaries and funerals are free
for all. Relatives, friends,
enemies, neighbours, people passing by are all welcome! Its not
weird at all when there are
random strangers appearing in our wedding videos, it is part of
the territory. A closed guestlist is a sure way to offend a black
person.
4. The words gap year dont exist in our vocabulary
There is no scenario where the words gap year can feature
positively in a conversation
between a black person and their mother, father or relatives.
Telling your parents that youre
doing a gap year is telling them that you want to be unemployed
for the rest of your life,
period.
5. Hair is a political issue
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White friend, I know youve neverhad to debate the question of
natural hair versus relaxed
hair with your white friends. You probably didnt know the
difference. The hair debate isnt
just a silly thing to us, its a serious issue.
6. Dont look surprised, disappointed or whisper behindyour hand
when black people
pile their plates high
Piling your plate high at an event is not gluttony, its wholly
appropriate if the food is in
abundance. Were not being rude, were just being ourselves. Also,
dont laugh when we talk
about taking leftovers home for breakfast tomorrow, were being
serious.
7. Black people dont do cats
Dont ask them why because theyll look at you cross-eyed. Were
okay with you having pet
cats but please, please do not expect us to cuddle, kiss or love
them. In fact, black people
dont really do pets at all, dogs belong outside and are there as
a matter of necessity, theres
no love lost between me and Spotty.
8. Witchcraft is a big deal
This is linked to the fact that black people dont do cats.
Witchcraft is real. As real as the fact
that when a black woman is pregnant she doesnt announce it and
everyone around her knows
not to ask when shes due. Its linked to the fear that she will
be bewitched if she reveals that
kind of information.
9. Looking at someone in the eye is rude
If I dont look you in the eye, its because Im showing your
respect, not disrespect.
Essentially, its the opposite of what you think. The younger
generation of black folk dont
adhere to this rule much but older people think this is very
important.
10. Black people cant understand you any better when you talk in
baby talk/
Chilapalapa
Chilapalapa is when white people speak an adulterated version of
an African vernacular
language. Baby talk is when you speak slower and in a higher
voice when youre
speaking to a black person that you think doesnt have a full
command of English.
Condescending much?
11. Mimicry of black accents is only funny when black people do
it
Just dont.
12. The wages of disrespecting parents is death
Relating to black parents is a delicate dance and every black
child knows what lines not to
cross. You never stand when youre talking to your parents, you
lower yourself. You dont
walk away from them, you wait to be dismissed. You dont enter
into a shouting match if you
value your life.
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13. When you visit our house you cant sleep on my parents
bed
In fact, the whole bedroom is out of bounds.
14. Its not okay to show up anywhere barefooted
This includes church services, the supermarket, a job interview
or my birthday party. Bare
feet are only okay in the shower or when youre swimming. No one
wants to see your toes,
even if theyre pretty or you have cute nail polish on.
15. My parents dont know that I have a boyfriend and I intend on
keepingit that way
Black parents dont have a relational category called boyfriend.
If hes not someone whos
ready to pay lobola then he doesnt exist. Theyre not interested
in a Facebook relationship
status that doesnt involve a legally binding contract.
16. Im an only child but I have many siblings
Also, I have many mothers and fathers. What you call first,
second and third cousins are just
brothers and sisters to me. What you call extended family is
just my family.
" This article was originall y published on
www.realmukoko.wordpress.com. Visit Zola'sblogto
subscribe."
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