Cover: Captain Britain in T h e Knights

of Pendragon'

Interviewed: Dan Abnett, writer of the

'Knights of Pendragon' pi2,13

M Obituary Lord

Penney L o r d Penney, O M , K B E , FRS , creator of

the Br i t i sh a tom bomb and Rector of

Imper ia l be tween 1967 and 1973, d ied on

M a r c h 3rd of this year, aged 81.

W i l l i a m P e n n y was one of the most

outstanding mathemat i c ians and physicists

of his generat ion. In 1944 he t rave l led to

A m e r i c a to w o r k an the Manha t tan

project; the project cu lmina ted in the

invent ion of the Wor ld ' s first a tom bomb.

In 1947 L o r d Penney was put in charge

of the deve l opment of a B r i t i sh a tom

bomb. A c c o r d i n g to the Independent

Newspaper, he was 'an act ive and

inspir ing leader ' dur ing a tomic test ing in

Aus t ra l i a in the ear ly 1950's. O v e r thir ty

years later an Aust ra l i an R o y a l

Commiss i on invest igat ing the test ing

heard ev idence that the tests had been

unsafe. W h e n quest ioned by the

commiss ion L o r d Penney acknow l edged

that he had dev ised a w a y of mis lead ing

Aust ra l i an scientists about the rad iat ion

levels an nuc lear dust c louds, p rov id ing

them w i t h samples that w e r e a few days

o ld , so that some of the short- l ived key

isotopes had decayed .

L o r d Penney was appo inted cha i rman

of the Un i t ed K i n g d o m A t o m i c Energy

Au tho r i t y ( U K E A E A ) in 1964. O n his

ret i rement f r om the U K E A E A in 1967 he

was appo in ted rector of Imper ia l Col lege.

In 1935 L o r d Penney m a r r i e d his first

wife Ade l e E lms , who d i ed in 1944. They

had two sons. He mar r i ed again in 1945,

to Joan Quenne l .

Illegal A new student broadsheet, d istr ibuted

a round Imper ia l Col lege campus this

week, is i l legal . T h e one page first edi t ion

of 'The Free Student ' fails to inc lude the

printer 's name, thus con t raven ing

publ ish ing law. The Free Student is

publ ished under the auspices of the

Conservat ive Party and is based at Party

Headquarters Smith Street.

The Y o u t h co-ordinator at Conserva t i ve

headquarters descr ibed the omiss ion of

the printer 's name as an 'error ' . H e

refused to release the te lephone number

of the editor of 'The Free Student ' , Rob

M a r v e n . The Y o u t h co-ordinator d id not

want the gent l eman conce rned 'pestered' .

H e then c l a imed that he had overa l l

edi tor ia l responsibi l i ty for the publ icat ion

even though his name d id not appear on

the credits.

The pub l i ca t ion states that it a ims to

promote ' ind i v idua l f reedom of cho ice '

and to 'fight against soc ia l ism in colleges

across the country ' . A c c o r d i n g to a source

at T o r y H Q the 'Conservat ive Students'

based the tab lo id format of 'Free Student '

on the left of centre publ icat ions.

Hustings Hassle The Sabbat ical candidates we re g iven a

rough ride at the St Mary 's hustings. The

candidates a r r i v ed at the Med i ca l School 's

un ion just at the close of a happy hour

on Monday even ing . One candidate said

'It was l ike ho ld ing hustings in the midd le

of a RCS beer festival'.

Despite Imper ia l Un ion Hono ra r y

Secretary M u r r a y W i l l i amson exp la in ing

the purpose of the meet ing to assembled

students, candidates were heck led w i th

calls of 'What are y o u do ing here?'. One

candidate was suff iciently of fended by the

heck l ing to lodge an official compla int

w i th Imperia l Col lege Un ion .

Mur ray W i l l i amson said that hustings at

St Mary 's next year are un l ike l y . He

stated that the on l y reason hustings were

he ld in past years at St Mary ' s was

because Imperial 's were scheduled over

lunch-t imes. H e thought that next year

there wou ld be one even ing hustings on

the Imperia l campus.

This year 's hustings at Imper ia l were on

Thursday 7th M a r c h in the J C R . Vo t ing

takes place on the 11th and 12th M a r c h

in al l departments.

Candidates s tanding for the Sabbat ical

posts of Imper ia l Col lege U n i o n are as

follows:

President Zoe Hel l inger , A d r i a n Johnson ,

Spenser Lane , M ichae l N e w m a n

Deputy President Jona than Griffiths

Honorary Secretary Steve Farrant

Felix Editor A d a m Har r ing ton

2

Access Rent Scandal Students shou ld start r ece i v ing money

f rom the Access F u n d soon. The fund

stands at ove r a quarter of a mi l l i on

pounds. Mr Cu l l en , in ove ra l l charge of

money distr ibut ion, has processed al l

appl icat ions f r om undergraduates l i v ing in

hal l or in col lege accommodat i on .

T o m o r r o w he w i l l make the first request

for appropriate cheques to be issued by

the college f inance sect ion.

M r Cul l en intends to process the

r ema in ing appl icat ions, two thirds of the

five hundred tota l , by the e n d of te rm.

The first cheques, accord ing to M r Cu l l en ,

w i l l be issued w i th in the week.

Garden Fire The F i re Br igade were ca l led out to

Garden Ha l l , last Monday , w h e n a fire

was reported in one of the k i t chen areas.

A t about 10.30am, a m i c r owave , w h i c h

was not be ing used at the t ime, burst into

flames.

The housekeeper , Margare t Gask in ,

immedia te ly left her office in Weeks Ha l l

and ext inguished the fire. Soon

afterwards, three fire engines ar r i ved , but

were not requ i red . Despite a larms, the

hal l was not comple te ly evacuated.

The recent ly refitted k i t chen w i l l n ow

have to be redecorated again. The

assistant W a r d e n , Dr . Ian Metcalfe, said

that there had been a ' fair amount of

damage' .

Anti-War Je remy Corben , Labour M P , spoke at an

anti-war meet ing at Imperia l on Tuesday.

The meet ing was organised by Imperia l

Col lege An t i -War Society.

For ty students l istened to M r Corben as

he out l ined bo th his thoughts ' on the Gulf

W a r and the recent cease-fire. M r Corben

felt that it was l ike ly the peace

movement w o u l d be f ighting for the

w i thdrawa l of t roops a year f rom now.

M r Corben answered students ' questions

inc lud ing w h y he r ema ined a Labour

member since he was d iametr i ca l l y

opposed to his leadership 's stance on the

Gulf. M r C o r b e n rep l i ed that i f ' h e

resigned it w o u l d reduce yet further

Par l iamentary 'opposi t ion ' to the war.

A student w h o attended the meet ing

descr ibed the ensuing discussion on m a n y

aspects of the confl ict as 'construct ive ' .

Residents of m a n y of the col lege halls w i l l

have to pay full rent over the Easter

vacat ion, or empty their rooms. Last year

students were charged on l y a week 's rent

to be able to leave be longings in their

rooms. Hal ls affected are Southside,

L instead, Beit , Garden , Weeks and

Eve l yn Gardens.

The wardens were not consul ted or

forewarned about this dramat ic change in

col lege accommoda t i on po l i cy . Whether

the decis ion was taken by the college

accommoda t i on or by a separate col lege

department is unc lear at the moment .

Spanner and Bo l t , the Ci ty a n d Gui lds

Col lege Un i on mascots, have been taken

by two members of the R o y a l Col lege Of

Science Un i on . T h e mascots we re present

for the C & G U 40th A n n u a l Eng ineers ' Ba l l

at the Park Lane Hote l .

Gui lds mascot bearers, T i m Newton-

Smi th and K a r l E d w i n , had left Spanner

and Bolt w i th Hote l Staff under the

assurance that they w o u l d be total ly safe.

W i t h an unusua l display of cunning , two

members of R C S Mascotry approached

the security desk at the Park Lane Hote l ,

and c la imed that they were Guilds, and

wanted to p ick up their mascots.

Af ter r ece i v ing the mascots they were

able to leave the hotel seeming ly

uncha l l enged .

The col lege authorit ies have made the

L instead basement ava i lab le for storage of

students possessions. The pre-paid

insurance o n l y covers loss up to £150 and

for increased cover students wou ld have

to pay their o w n p r e m i u m .

One L instead resident said 'I don't th ink

I should be penal ised for the sake of

col lege m a k i n g a fast buck ' . Un i on

President, Pau l Shanley, adv ised students

'not to make arrangements to move out

unt i l the s i tuat ion has been clar i f ied by

officials w i th in the accommoda t i on

sector. '

Spurred on by their recent success the

R o y a l Col lege Of Science U n i o n mascotry

team yesterday acquired the U C L mascot,

'Phineas M a c L i n o ' , a six foot ta l l ,

unattract ive , H igh lander . M a n y people

were invo l v ed , ma in l y due to the interest

generated by the events of the prev ious

weekend .

C & G U were ph i l osoph ica l about their loss.

'It has got its p lus sides; it is potent ia l ly a

good opportuni ty to raise m o n e y and to

get more Freshers invo lved ' . U C L were

unamused by yesterday's incident; one

U C L student stated that there had been

no mascotry act iv i ty at U C L for the last

twenty years . U C L are r u m o u r e d to have

in formed the Pol ice .

RCS Increases Scrap-

Metal Stockpile

m

3

9 FELIX

Viewpoint Do you prefer boxer shorts or y-fronts and are you

going to vote in the sabbatical elections?

Ker r y :

• Y - f r on t s are a rea l turn-of f—they're

bulgy , horr ib le and ve ry unsexy .

• W h a t ' s a sabbatical?

Sarah:

• B o x e r shor ts—you can get at it more

easi ly.

• W h a t elections?

• B o x e r shorts, because y-fronts look l ike

sausages in a sac—al l l u m p y and squidgy.

• W h a t sabbat ica l elections?

i f :

• i

Oi ly :

• Prefer boxe r shorts for l ooks and

comfort a l though at t imes they can be

uncomfortable .

• W h a t are those? O h , they ' re someth ing

to do w i th the U n i o n aren't they?

Jez :

• B o x e r shorts; paisley y-fronts w o u l d

look stupid wouldn ' t they?

• W h a t are sabbaticals? W h i c h elections?

W h e r e is IC? W h o a m I?

M ike :

• B o x e r shorts because they g ive the

f reedom that one requires. . .unrestr icted

access (can get your han d d o w n your

'cacks ' w i thout too m u c h hassle).

• No I'm not go ing to vo te because I

have no arms!?!

So, What D i d

Y o u Do Last

Summer?

FELIX

The scene: IC's party t ime on Fr iday

night, you ' re dressed to k i l l and you 've

f inal ly managed to manoeuv r e today's

love interest into check-mate . O u c h ! It's

small-talk t ime ! But this is not Freshers '

W e e k — n o m o r e feeble ' A ' Leve l/Schoo l

inquisit ions here . This is the advanced

session; l ong si lences and hesitant

questions pre f i xed by the ubiqui tous 'so'.

'So...what d id y o u do last summer? '

There—it 's out. The quest ion hangs

be tween y o u l ike Damac les ' sword . Does

an inappropr ia te answer imp l y doom? Do

y o u answer truthful ly about that bar job

in the P i g a n d Whist le? Do y o u lie

outright? (Wel l , actual ly I p i loted R i cha rd

Branson 's pr ivate hot air bal loon). O r do

y o u take the ' truth plus ' embe l i shment

path?

It's embarrass ing isn't it? W h y should

y o u have to embe l i sh in the first place?

Probab ly the P i g and Whist le was al l that

was avai lable in the last weeks of Ju ly ,

w h e n y o u f inal ly res igned yoursel f to

l ook ing for s u m m e r work . Isn't there

any th ing m o r e reward ing?

H o w about gett ing a job l ined up before

Easter? W h y not be prepared this year;

set yoursel f apart f rom the crowd?

Perhaps y o u have aspirat ions to run your

o w n business some day? D o your o w n

straw po l l amongst peers; I'll bet 9 5 % say

they 've cons idered runn ing their o w n

business some day, yet p robab l y no more

than 5% w i l l have cons idered how they

might achieve that a im . If b y this stage

you ' re th ink ing : o w n business? Summer

w o r k l ined up by Easter? W o r k w i th

cocktai l -credibi l i ty? (i.e. good for smal l

talk) y o u may be interested to k n o w a

little bit more about m y summer work .

I've spent the last two summers

w o r k i n g in A m e r i c a for the Southwestern

Publ i sh ing C o m p a n y . In 1989 I was on a

sales internship, where I r a n m y o w n

business, m a r k e t i n g schoo l books. I

turned over about $10,000 in the

summer . Last summer I was promoted

and ran a five m a n team as a student

manager responsib le for $26,000 of

business. This year I shal l be w o r k i n g

w i th other managers and about fifteen

students.

A s m y business has g r own , so has m y

exper ience a n d conf idence. A n d not on ly

can I discuss b y business interests in the

US at cockta i l part ies—it also makes for

interest ing conversat ion w i t h potent ia l

employers .

Af ter a l l , h o w many other m i l k r o u n d

candidates have run their o w n business

and made a profit?

Last summer , the top first year (with

Southwestern) made $20,516. The

average first year made a r o u n d $3,500.

A n d some made no money ; that's the real

w o r l d of business.

Do y o u feel above average? Do y o u

want to set yourse l f apart f r om your

peers? What are y o u go ing to do this

summer? Come a long to r o o m 542 in

M e c h E n g at 12.45pm on Fr iday 8th

M a r c h , or te lephone 071-701 0786 and

find out how y o u cou ld i m p r o v e your

party talk.

l^^^^H^^H^^^B^IBHI^fl f l l l S t S ' t l f t . S l j *

H H H B t

s ^ B * 4 j ^ i ( j i i i l i B i i i i i i i f

• f: I H H H H i H P

s ^ B * 4 j ^ i ( j i i i l i B i i i i i i i f

• f:

•|j5Wf I t J i l i f f l P . • as,

8 s « § | S j y % ; ? i 6 f c ' - "Cliff

•|j5Wf I t J i l i f f l P . • as,

8 s « § | S j y % ; ? i 6 f c ' - "Cliff

•|j5Wf I t J i l i f f l P . • as,

8 s « § | S j y % ; ? i 6 f c ' - "Cliff

.. . . , L. ,,,

• • • J !

Boring Lectures Column

George's

Diary Monday 25 Feb Went to see K indergar t en Cop at F u l h a m

Road c inema w i t h Henry . Coup le of pints

in the Goat in Boots first, y o u just k n o w

they won't stay quiet and w e both had to

go for a piss half way th rough the f i lm.

Friday 1st March Out w i th Henry , met a few mates on the

way. Southside, Un i on , legless. T r i ed to

come on to a pretty b lack gir l but got put

d o w n severe ly . Hen ry went back to a

mate's house for a smoke . I was feel ing

randy so dec ided to cal l on Nadine, an

A m e r i c a n g i r l I keep t r y ing to seduce.

She didn't seem to m i n d be ing k n o c k e d

up at 12.45am.

' H i , Nadine , it's George. '

'George, what are you do ing here?'

'I was on m y way home f rom the

Un ion , I just thought I'd ca l l on you . Do

y o u m i n d — w h a t t ime is i t?. .Quarter to

one—sorry . I didn't wake you up did I?'

'No, we 're a lways up. M y brother 's

here, he's s ty ing t i l l Thursday . ' So no sex

tonight. She promised to phone so I went

quiet ly.

Saturday 2nd Out w i th T i m a n d a couple of A m e r i c a n

girls. One, Me lan ie , not i ced our v ideo,

Tits and Clits. T h e n the conversat ion

m o v e d to another f i lm a n d whether John

Ho lmes had got his who le cock up some

gir l . 'It was this long ' , Me lan ie insisted,-

'and she on ly took about this m u c h of it!'

(about a third).

Didn' t go v e r y we l l w i th the girls,

instead we went for an Indian at the New

A s i a in Earl 's Court . They to ld us they

were closed. T h e n a couple of guys came

in beh ind us a n d got a table. I

compla ined to the manager . ' H o w come

y o u let these guys in if you ' re closed?'

'They ve ry good friends, l i ve two doors

away. '

' Yeah , we l l I l ive across the road too,

and we come in here every week, maybe

two t imes a week ! I tel l y o u we won' t be

coming in aga in if y o u don't serve us

now. '

But he didn't want our cus tom, I left

quiet ly. That 's the last t ime we go in

there though.

'

Sunday 3rd Comp i l ed a list of courseworks and w h e n

they were due. I just couldn ' t face it,

went d o w n the pub w i th Henry for a

luncht ime session.

Dear Kylie,

I a m in love w i t h you . C o m e to m y

loins m y dar l ing , and let us make love.

H u h , 'I shou ld be so lucky ' . Come and

'Step back i n t ime ' w i t h me. Please don't

leave me w i th 'tears on m y pi l low ' . Don' t

wo r r y , I won ' t hurt y o u , I m e a n it's

'better the dev i l y o u k n o w ' anyway . ' H o w

can 1 prove I rea l ly love y o u , love y o u '

m y darl ing? Let me taste that honeyed

nutty tanged zest of yours .

'Ky l i e , Ky l i e ,

Y o u make me feel a l l smi l ey '

I want to scra tch that b l o ody Hutchence

eyes out. He 's no good for y ou . H e l ikes

vei ls that are misty, streets that are blue,

a lmond looks and suicide blondes. 1 love

you .

Signed,

Patrick Pantry.

J a c k & H a r r y &

The i r Best F r i end A v a l o n Y o u cou ld tel l that y o u were in a

comedy pub. The b a r m a n c racked a

joke w h e n 1 ordered a

soft dr ink . He didn't stop a l l even ing .

Look , I was on med ica t ion , O K ?

Meanwhi l e , after an intro stand-up

comed ian gave us a little t i rade on the

L o n d o n Unde r g r ound and Saddam

Husse in ( 'Prepare to face the mother of

a l l gaps, inf idel swine...'), J a c k and Har ry

f inal ly made it on stage. D o y o u

r emember the days w h e n your parents

watched 'buddy, buddy ' comedians , w h o

were so excruc ia t ing ly bad , y o u ended up

going away to do someth ing (anything)

else? These two are supposedly ' fai led'

members of this c ommun i t y , brought out

of ret i rement, a n d they 'might be do ing

some new mater ia l , a little bit later on ' .

It's rather a good parody , but for one

slight slip up. They ' r e funny. B o th their

jibes at these old-times var i e ty acts, and

more mode rn day issues hit the mark

G r e a s e Most people r emember the f i lm

vers ion of this play, w h i c h started a

m ino r c raze in the 70s. The or ig ina l

stage p lay had a harder edge, w h i c h has

been successfully transfered to stage.

Choreog raphed by a professional actress,

it carries the audience a l ong in a wave of

sheer enthusiasm.

The amateur cast rose to the chal lenge

superb ly in most cases, and the 'Teen

A n g e l ' d ream sequence is a comic

masterpiece. Sure ly the cheapest musica l

in L o n d o n at the moment .

Grease is p lay ing at Q M W ' s Great Ha l l ,

M i l e E n d Road today at 4 .00pm and

8.00pm and t ickets cost £2.50 on the

door. A w op bop a loo w o p a w op bam

boom !

Penny.

Glasses A night out watch ing poetry is not

many people 's idea of a good t ime.

But when the poet is J o h n Hegley ,

it's a different story.

A f ter m a k i n g his name on the comedy

c ircuit , J ohn Heg l ey appears on ITV's

Fr iday late night poetry p r og ramme and

regular ly in the nat ional press. He is n o w

on tour w i th guitarist 'Nigel ' .

His per formance was short and sharp,

concentrat ing on mundane aspects of life,

at the same t ime as keep ing his audience

in hysterics. The mater ia l was de l i vered

in the slow, deadpan manner of a suic idal

depressive interspaced w i th bursts of

energy and emot i on in the midd le of a

poem. This, a l ong w i th v e rba l attacks on

the audience, r educed most people to

more often than not.

The atmosphere of the v enue cer ta in ly

helped, s i tuated, as it was, above The O l d

Coffee House (a pub). The compactness of

the audience, and the regular a l coho l

breaks (except for me, as I was on

pepsi...) real ly he lped the even ing flow.

D id the audience enjoy themselves, m y

lovies? They d id . As for the fr iend (who

does an ex tended set), he was funny, but

he's a different person each week (if y o u

see what I mean), so there 's not rea l ly

m u c h point r e v i ew ing h i m , is there? M i n d

you , for his purposes, we were a lousy

audience.. .

Fo r an int imate, cheap a n d good

evening 's comedy , y o u cou ld do a lot

worse than this. Oranje Boom Boom is

found at 49 Beak St, W l . Jack and Harry

etc, is on every Tuesday, w i t h Doors

open ing at 8.30. Student t ickets cost

£2.50. Take your Un ion ca rd !

Pendragon

giggles.

He said later y o u can a lways add to

someth ing by put t ing humour in . Most of

his poems were wr i t ten on this basis,

they attacked his subjects, in part icular

his macho brother- in- law w h o be l ieved

men don't dr ink half pints.

The on ly p o e m w h i c h conta ined no

humour at a l l was about his father's

death. After hav ing made us laugh at the

way his father used to beat h im, w h i c h

left marks ca l l ed ' supersunburn ' , J ohn

Heg ley tr ied to make amends by

descr ib ing his father's last hours in a

hospital bed. Seeming embarrassed after

this he qu ick ly moved on, i gnor ing a

poignant moment in the midst of the

laughter.

Sam K r i c h i n s k y carne to A m e r i c a in

1914. T h e n he came to Ba l t imore .

It was the most beauti ful place he

had seen in his entire life. H e obv ious ly

hadn't been a r ound much , had he?

He joins his brothers. They start a

family. The fami ly has its ups and downs.

He dies. This has been done before. This

has been done better. For example :

Parenthood was funnier, Hope and Glory

had more c h a r m and this has

sent imental i ty .

To give the f i lm its due, it's beauti ful ly

acted, the c inematography is s tunning on

occasions, a n d some of the subplots are

fair ly interest ing. Ba r r y Lev i son , the

director, has descr ibed it as be ing der i ved

f rom memor ies of stories to ld by his

grandfather, and it shows. T o o m u c h of it

comes across as a disjointed series of

vague ly related incidents. H i s o w n

feelings seem to have l eaked into the

ve ry substance of the f i lm, l eav ing it

awash w i th sent imenta l i ty , but w i th ve ry

little of any rea l substance. This is not a

great f i lm.

Pendragon.

Improv isat ion in the style of Whose

Line is it Anyway was tr ied, w i th the

audience ca l l ing out subjects as cheese,

fish and eggs to inspire poetry. Not m u c h

humour there I'm afraid.

This was cer ta ina ly not a s tandard

poetry read ing , but at £2 for students it

can be an enter ta in ing a n d or ig ina l

evening 's enterta inment.

The Poetry Society meets at 21 Earl 's

Court Road (Earl 's Court tube) on

Tuesdays and Thursdays . Speakers in the

next weeks inc lude : Gav in Ewar t w h o has

spoken at Imper ia l Col lege, Les Mur ray

we l l k n o w n Aus t ra l i an poet a n d F rank

De laney .

Jonty.

6

The Godfather part III This is a very depress ing f i lm. It is

depressingly bad. That 's a little

harsh perhaps—what shou ld be said

is that this part never matches the power

of the two prev ious Godfathers.

Michae l Cor l eone (The Godfather) is

now old and sl ightly haggard, he is a

very different man f rom the confident

and increas ing ly ruthless mega loman iac

of the past. T h e plot is st i l l concerned

w i th the leg i t imis ing of the fami ly

business, as in the second f i lm. Somehow

Michae l must d rag the fami ly and, more

important ly , himself, out of the mire of

v io lence, c r ime and cor rupt ion that is

their past. Whereas in the second f i lm

Michae l is unable to stop the destruct ion

of his personal wo r l d th rough his o w n

actions, he is at last able to understand

the chaos he has created a round himself.

The question Coppo la (the director)

presumably wants the audience to ask

themselves is whether M i chae l Cor leone

w i l l do it? Can Michae l escape f rom his

o w n history, to carve out a new

existence? Michae l ' s r edempt ion (this is a

man , remember , who went so far that

even the murde r of his o w n brother,

poor, pitiful Fredo , seemed l ike a natura l

progression) lies in his abi l i ty to

acknowledge his past and then 'sin no

more ' . 'What betrayed me? M y m ind , or

m y heart?' he asks in desperat ion.

A l Pacino leads the role of M ichae l

Cor leone. His part lacks the beautiful

serenity that character ised his roles in the

previous films, and has deve loped a

Brandoesque hoarseness in his vo ice

Pacific Heights Pacific Heights, a desirable area of

V i c t o r i an residencies in San

Franc isco , gains two new residents,

these be ing Patty Pa lmer (Melanie

Griffith) and Drake G o o d m a n (Matthew

Modine) , who renovate their home and

w ish to rent out var ious rooms to possible

tenants. The scene is set for J ohn

Schlesinger 's n e w psycho log ica l thr i l ler . In

comes Carter Hayes (Michael Keaton) as a

smooth and apparent ly r i c h prospect ive

rentee, who appears to be every

landlord 's d r e a m (and the first nai l is

dr i ven in). Before y o u can say 'But he

was such a nice b loke in B a t m a n ' he's in

the r o o m w i t h al l the locks changed and

not budg ing for neither love nor money .

What 's to do? He 's signed no papers or

paid money but has tenant's rights just

for be ing in the house. A n ev ic t ion order

takes t ime and they just don't k n o w what

he's up to (plenty of sawing a n d banging).

Kea ton lays out subtle p loys and legal

traps that Mod ine springs w i th an

ignorant persistence that grates. On l y the

smarter Gri f f i th seems able to see what

the very naughty resident is up to, but

she a lways seems at most r isk f rom : his

lurk ing .

The battle for the house is an addict ive

base for a story that grows at an

exponent ia l rate that y o u k n o w w i l l end

in tears for one party or the other. A s a

psycholog ica l thr i l l e r it fails to give any

real unne r v ing qualit ies (with the

except ion of an excel lent scene where

Kea ton watches static on the T .V . and

plays a l ternat ive ly w i th a Cockroach ,

razor-blade a n d pussy-cat). Keaton's

per formance is the most outstanding point

of the f i lm, po r t ray ing a character who

may be suave, deadly, ca lculated or

murderous. A nice point is T i p p i Hedren ,

Melanie Griff ith's mother , tu rn ing up as

the r i ch F lo rence Peters w h o Keaton

attempts to con .

Kea ton is a n ev i l git, Gri f f i th is a smart

git and Mod ine is just a p la in git. A little

too ma ins t ream to get any real

psycholog ica l tension but a good attempt.

A good f i lm that cou ld do for rent ing

what Fatal A t t rac t i on d id for shagging

G len Close.

Yours, The Amazing McHine

(presumably to give the Godfather some

stature). There seems to have been m u c h

cr i t i c ism of Coppola 's dec is ion to cast his

daughter, Sofia, in the part of Michael 's

daughter, M a r y . Howeve r she seems to

l end some c h a r m to the f i lm w i th her

skew smile a n d 'unconvent iona l '

(Ho l l ywood par lance for non-model )

looks. A n d y G a r c i a plays the bastard

nephew, w h o is only too k e en to carry

the torch of v io l ence on Michae l ' s behalf.

Coppo la also leads an attack on the

Va t i can , imp l i ca t ing the c h u r c h w i th the

business wo r l d of the mafia. A t times the

point is a l itt le laboured, a n d the crude

skulduggery rather hard to swa l low—the

Vat i can has m u c h more subtle means of

'persuasion' .

Francis F o r d Coppo la seems to have

lost his creat ive juices in the m a k i n g of

this f i lm. S o m e h o w he pu l l ed it off

br i l l iant ly in Part II, but one feels that he

rached his l imi t in the first sequel and

that there wasn' t rea l ly a story for the

th ird—this f i lm relies on the success of

the past, w i thout itself be ing creat ive.

This w i l l v e ry l ike ly be a pro found

disappointment for most v iewers .

I.H.

Duck Tales — T h e M o v i e

It's Donald 's mean o ld Unc le

Scrooge w i th his band of

resourceful nephews a n d s ingular ly

cute niece out to accumulate themselves

a t idy bundle of treasure a n d dosh. Th is

takes them out into the desert in search

of the trez of Co l ly B a b a w h i c h Scrooge

has been after for forty years. T h r o w in a

magic lamp w i t h a free genie in issue one

add a soupcon of b ig bad w i za rd who can

change into any an ima l that looks mean

and has a bad rep among ch i ld ren , and

that Wal t D i sney butt k i c k i n g act ion is

ready to ro l l . T h e genie is quite natural ly

a nice little k i d w h o gets up to w a c k y

japes and on ly wants to be real and he

makes fr iends w i th the k idderoos. It's

m i n d numb ing l y obv ious what happens,

w h i c h makes it d a m n good fun. The

treasure bits are taken straight f rom

Raiders of the Lost Ark a n d the rest f rom

the Rad ion advert .

In the good old days (relative

chronography as opposed to B B C music

hal l prog) the misers a lways got theirs in

the end but in todays en l ightened

capitalist state they can keep the cash

and get a bit more p rov ided they give a

painful enough mora l nugget for the k ids

to barf on. N ice to see Donald 's speech

imped iment isn't genetic a n d the lack of a

zany pe l ican chasing the duck fami ly

came as a relief. Disney fun for the fluffy

stonkers amongst you .

The 'Mazin ' Mac'

Last term Audio Soc's obscurity came to an end and they became.

FEATURES Hi-Fi Hipsters

Somewhere in the deep and distant past

that was last t e rm a light f l i ckered at the

end of Aud iosoc ' s tunnel of obscuri ty . It

was noth ing less than a ca l l f rom a soon-

to-be-quit e-famous-indeed (we hope!)

magaz ine ca l l ing itself ' H i - F i Wo r l d ' .

Fee l ing that their magaz ine needed

someth ing just short of sensat ional for its

first issue they had dec ided to contact

ICU Aud ioSoc in the hope that we cou ld

f ind one day in our busy a n d hect ic (?)

l ives to help in the wr i t ing of an art ic le

on 'student hi-fi systems'. T h e idea was to

choose some coo l and t r endy students

(then w h y choose IC?) to g ive the art ic le

some real street-cred.

O n hear ing this momentous news

M a l c o l m (Cha i rman and the ma in hero of

our story) a l ong w i th R i c h a r d (creative

accountant c u m treasurer and somewhat

less of a hero) went into the Un i on to

quaff an ale or three (between them of

course) to ce lebrate the fact that they

w o u l d soon be megastars before real is ing

that most people wouldn ' t g ive a toss.

The deputy editor had asked for five

people inc lud ing a g ir l (!?) to help w i th

the art icle. Needless to say this was the

source of m u c h amusement for our two

heroes. Howeve r , as luck w o u l d have it,

R i cha rd managed to persuade a first year

mathemat i c ian to jo in at Freshers ' Fa i r .

Y o u wou ld have too if he 'd threatened

y o u w i th a conversa t i on o n how the

turbo-charged tractors on his farm are

used for target pract ice by A-10

tankbusters.

Meanwh i l e , back at the plot, the team

was comple t ed by the add i t ion of M ike

and Dar r en . So, one co ld and wet

December m o r n i n g our heroes and the

other three met in a cul-de-sac in M a i d a

Va l e , where they found the offices of sa id

magaz ine (actually the editor 's house).

T h e y were al l ushered into the l i v ing

r oom, or in hi-fi jargon the ' l is tening

room ' . The five were g iven a pen and

paper each and asked to wr i te d o w n their

op in ions on the five systems p laced

before them.

Litt le d id our fr iendly hi-fi journalist

k n o w but no one had a c lue of what

fancy r e v i ew ing terms such as 'm idband

co lourat ion ' o r 'top-end smear ing ' meant.

Fortunate ly , they were not found out, but

R i ch near ly b l ew it by express ing his

op in i on had a ' l ogar i thmic ' bass frequency

ro l lo f f (trust a physicist! ) . Howeve r , far

f rom becoming suspicious, the hi-fi

journal ist was deep ly impressed w i th such

succinct r ev i ew ing , w h i c h just goes to

show what a good bul lshit ter he is (yep,

definitely a physicist) . Despite this, the

five were v e r y impressed w i th sound

qual i ty of a l l the systems presented to

them.

Af ter the r e v i ew ing was over it was

photo t ime, whe re everyone was asked to

str ike a unique (read silly) pose w i th their

system. Af ter sui tably embarrass ing

themselves (see piccy) they a l l went home

to await the results.

We l l , the magaz ine is now out, it's the

M a r c h ed i t ion , costs £2.80 and includes a

free C D .

W h e n the magaz ine w a r n e d they w o u l d

use some ' journal ist ic l i cence ' in wr i t ing

the art ic le they weren't w rong , but at

least its not l ibe l lous!

Meanwh i l e A u d i o S o c carr ies on,

offering cheap records, tapes and CDs to

its members (some catalogues are in the

Ha ldane L i b ra r y p rov ided no one has

n i cked them) as we l l as discounts on al l

the hi-fi y o u can buy f rom those oh-so-

nice people at the Corn f lake Shop, w h i c h

is situated in W i n d m i l l Street, just off

To t t enham Court Road . It's r u n by two

ex-IC students w h o open the i r doors to

the publ ic at 10am M o n d a y to Saturday

as they sti l l haven ' t got out of the habit

of miss ing every 9.30am start. W h y d id

they name it after a breakfast cereal?

Er . . .

Aud i oSoc also organises trips and

demos by manufacturers . Fo r thcoming

attractions inc lude a tr ip to A r c a m on

M a r c h 13, a t r ip to Roksan on Wednesday

M a r c h 20, a n d a possible d emo by L inn

supremo Ivor T i e t enbrum in the near

future. Meet ings are every Tuesday,

12.30pm in the Un i on SCR or contact

M a l c o l m Mye r s (Elec E n g 3) or R i cha rd

Jones (Physics 3). Membersh ip is £2.50

w h i c h pays for itself (and more) w i th your

first r ecord order or your first purchase

f rom the Cornf lake Shop.

P A R T Y

T O N I G H T

March 8th

8pm

•BANDS

•DISCO •BAR-B-Q

• B A R EXTENSION

A T L INSTEAD H A L L ' S 23rd B I R T H D A Y P A R T Y , EX-L INSTEAD A N D GUESTS

W E L C O M E

Intellectual property rights have caused quite a stir over the years...

Thought = Money? The Beatles, I B M , Kodak , Car l t on

Communica t i ons , The Soviet Government .

Wha t do al l these have in c o m m o n ? If

y o u had been present at last week 's

Physics Depar tment Co l l o qu ium then y o u

w o u l d have learnt the answer .

A l l of the above are examples of people

invo l ved in court actions over inte l lectual

property r ights, the subject of the talk

g iven by M r Cl i f ford Mi l l e r , a former IC

Physics student.

' Intel lectual proper ty r ights ' is a b r oad

t e rm cove r ing patents, copyr ights ,

t rademarks, designs, b r a n d names,

serv icemarks and a who l e host of

different things. It can cover any th ing

f rom the des ign of a choco la te bar to a

s i l icon chip.

The impor tance of inte l lectual proper ty

is quite p la in ; even if y o u devise s imi lar

technology as another c ompany , as long

as they ho ld rights for the use of that

technique y o u cannot compete in the

market .

Thus it is necessary to take steps to

protect any techno logy and deve lopment

before anyone else does.

First ly , inte l lectual proper ty cou ld be

guarded by patents, the most comp lex

method ava i lab le . To patent an invent ion

it must usual ly be new, or have some

new aspect to it. Interesting patents

inc lude that he ld for the process of

m a k i n g an ' A e r o ' choco la te bar, the

process used in Po la ro id ' instant ' cameras,

and one held by the Br i t i sh Ra i lways

B o a r d for a Nuc lear Powe r ed spaceship.

A patent affords your invent i on a twenty

year monopo l y , g i v ing pro tec t ion to

essential features. If a product is made

using al l of the ma in parts then it is

infr inging the patent.

There are two systems for f i l ing an

appl icat ion for a patent. Most countr ies,

inc lud ing the Un i t ed K i n g d o m , use a 'first

to file' me thod : whoever gets there first

has the patent. Thus it is v e r y important

to keep an invent ion 's details complete ly

conf ident ia l un t i l the app l i ca t ion has been

made. In the Un i t ed States, a first-to-

invent system operates: people tend to

publ ish details first to show they invented

it, and then lose their rights i n other

countries.

App l i ca t i ons can be a large source of

in format ion o n what has a l ready been

done- the app l i ca t ion must complete ly

disclose the methods and details.

Patent appl icat ions can be costly, and

after four years have e lapsed the patent

must be r enewed annua l l y un t i l the

twent ie th year. This can cost f rom £100,

up to £350 for a patent in its f inal year.

Fa i lure to r enew can lead to the lapse of

the patent: though a lapse of a patent

cannot be re l i ed upon to a l l ow an

infr ingement.

Ano ther , s imple , me thod of protect ing

your interests is the law of conf idential i ty.

If y o u tel l someone a p iece of in format ion

then, as long as y o u obl ige them to

ma inta in its conf ident ia l i ty , any discussion

w i th someone else breaks the law.

W e l l k n o w n examples inc lude the

fo rmula for Coca-Co la , a n d the recipe for

'Ken tucky F r i e d Ch i cken ' . This method is,

however , l im i t ed if someone else can take

the product apart and analyse it: y o u

have then lost y ou r secrecy.

Us ing des ign protect ion can also be a

w a y to ma in ta in revenues. In the U K ,

copyr ight , des ign rights, a n d registered

designs are ava i lab le to the inventor or

designer. T h e y protect the look of a

product .

If someone makes use of the effort y o u

put into your design then they cou ld be

imp ing ing u p o n your r ights.

A f inal opt ion for your product is the

protect ion of c ompany names, logos,

packag ing , a n d the genera l marks for

your product . If a t rademark (whether

registered, or not) is used for any other

product , where there might be confusion

over its ident i ty , then they are gui lty of

'passing off . U K law protects a user

against passing off.

It is v e ry important , therefore, to

ensure that y o u r new product looks

total ly different f rom any other a l ready in

the market . Th is expla ins the use, by

Lever Bros., of bright orange for the

packag ing of their ' Rad i on ' wash ing

powder .

If y o u have a n idea w h i c h y o u th ink is

a w inner , I urge y o u to fo l low the adv ice

g iven by M r M i l l e r :

'Te l l no-one about it if y o u can avo id

it. '

'If the idea is for a patentable invent ion. . .

do not lose y o u r rights... b y fai l ing to

make at least the first patent appl icat ion. '

'If y o u have enough money , fund the

product a l l the way... yoursel f . '

This art ic le is just a brief, a n d s imple,

in t roduct ion to inte l lectual proper ty

rights. For more in format ion consult the

book 'Commerc i a l Exp lo i t a t i on of

Intel lectual P roper ty ' by H i l a r y Pearson

and Cl i f ford M i l l e r . It covers the who l e

subject at great depth and is we l l indexed

for referral to most things y o u cou ld

possibly wan t to know .

9

The Slow Moving Snail wishes you were here then...

Such, Such W e r e the J o y s

mm

O v e r the years Imperia l Co l lege and its

constituents have ce lebrated numerous

anniversar ies . W i t h al l the name changes

that have gone on dur ing its history

every year becomes an oppor tun i ty to

ce lebrate, or m i l k it for fund-raising

publ ic i ty . L u c k i l y , for us, they have also

been used to pub l i sh h is tor ica l accounts

of the col lege.

A s a y o u n g undergraduate I w a l k e d to

lectures, across Pr inces Gardens , w i th a

feel ing of b e ing a part of a n exc i t ing

history. This was the p l anned centre of

scientif ic exce l l ence p romo t ed by the

Pr ince Consort , a place whe r e great m e n

and w o m e n h a d studied a n d taught. I felt

p roud to be here, in a sma l l way

becoming a part of this t rad i t ion .

There are at least five books , ava i lable

in col lege, that describe the b i r th and

deve lopment of Imper ia l . T h e best for the

pr ice , p ic tor ia l and language style, is the

award-w inn ing publ icat ion, Imperial

College by Imper ia l Col lege A r ch i v e s .

Th is is a smal l , h igh qual i ty co lour

booklet , apt ly suitable for parenta l coffee

tables offering one-upmanship on fi l ial

success, and for quot ing snippets to those

poor friends at less histor ica l places. It

gives an inva luab le s u m m a r y of the

people and events beh ind our history. If

y o u want somewhere to start l earn ing a

bit about wha t this col lege represents

there is no better place.

A more comprehens i ve study, Science

for Industry, is p rov ided by A . Rupert

Ha l l , once Professor of the History of

Science here. It is d isappo int ing in that,

though it fills the details i n , it does not

prov ide enough exp lana t i on about the

re lat ionship of the col lege to w ider

changes in educat ion and science. M u c h

is assumed, for instance the 1870 Forster

Educat ion Ac t l aunched state educat ion in

this country , though this is not exp la ined.

A l s o there is a lack of an index . His

Preface states that this is the first attempt

at an o v e r v i ew of the history since 1907.

A s such it is w o r t h a read . If on ly he had

wr i t t en about the 'history of the student

as socia l phenomena ' and f i l led the gap

he acknow ledged existed in the history of

colleges.

A book, Breaking the Shackles,

publ ished by an IC student, does look

more at what it was l ike to be a student

here one hundred years ago. The author

uses quotes f r om H.G.Wel l s ' nove ls and

short stories to compare We l l s ' life as a

student here w i th his o w n exper iences. It

prov ides an en l ighten ing a n d

controvers ia l p icture of l earn ing , w i th in

the w ider frame of the present debates

about nat iona l cu r r i cu lum and educat ion

standards.

These are a l l inexpens ive good reads.

T w o further vo lumes are large and

expensive , suitable for the study shelf

rather than the coffee s ta ined table tops.

A Hundred Years of Civil Engineering at

South Kensington edited by Joyce B r o w n

and City and Guilds College - A

Centenary History are books I w i l l

reserve a week to read.

A fascinat ing look at the re lat ionship

between pol it ics and science, The Visible

College by Ga ry Werskey , describes the

l ives of Br i t i sh Scientists w h o l i nked their

science to their soc ia l ism. H y m e n Levy ,

Dean of the R o y a l Col lege of Sc ience

(1947-52), rece ives a comprehens i ve

coverage. He was a famous popular iser of

sc ience - wr i t ing and appear ing on

te lev is ion and radio. Fo r those w h o th ink

this place is non-pol i t ica l this w i l l be an

educat ional book .

Most of these books are ava i lab le f rom

the ICU Bookstore . The A r c h i v e s booklet

costs £2:75 f rom Arch i v es (Level 4

Sherfield). T h e Visible College can be

ordered f rom any good bookshop

(published b y Free Assoc ia t i on Books ,

ISBN 1- 85343-014-5).

k K S o n e r s

Poisoning

the World

in Steps Second Stride is an award -w inn ing dance

group w h o have successfully

exper imented w i th movement , music, the

spoken and sang w o r d as means of

exp lo r ing the mot ives, emot ions and ideas

beh ind four poisoners. Lives of the Great

Poisoners por t rays Dr C r ippen , Medea

and Marquise de Br inv i l l i e rs .

T h e fourth character is one w h o gives

this h ighly exh i l a ra t ing piece a w ider

m o r a l v i ew . Thomas Midg ley was a

br i l l iant scientist w h o d iscovered the anti­

k n o c k propert ies of lead compounds in

petro l and found the first pract ica l

appl icat ion of CFCs . His w o r k has

therefore contr ibuted to the present

env i r onmenta l threats to our communi t i es

and planet. A s a scientist he was h ighly

dramat ic , present ing his f indings in a

theatr ica l style on a stage. To show the

harmless nature of CFCs he breathed in

the gas and b l ew out a candle w i t h it.

The tragic i r ony of his ear ly death (he

was strangled by a system of pul leys he

had designed to move his disabled body

a round his house) appears as a power fu l

image of the unseen c i rcumstances of our

science and technology .

A l l scientists should go to see how this

'outstanding a r ray of creat ive talents'

have por t rayed the values of their

subject. The product ion runs f rom

Tuesday 12 to Saturday 16th M a r c h , 7:30

p m at the R ivers ide Studios, Cr isp Road ,

H a m m e r s m i t h (near the tube). B o x Office

081 748 3354. T icket prices S7.50/&5.50

reduct ions.

10

Yasmin Saudi gives her opinion on the recent Jewish Society exhibition.

Facts and Figures? O P I N I O N

The Middle East...it 's a l ong but

uncomplete story.

Comments on the ma in titles of the

Jewish Socei ty Exh ib i t i on

At the beginning of the twentieth

century, the Middle East was a single unit

containing many contrasting people. Such

disparity caused the unit to crumble.

A t the beg inn ing of the twent ie th

century the M idd l e East consisted of the

O t toman Emp i r e , Egypt, O m a n and A d e n

w h i c h was d i rec t ly under the Br i t i sh

empire . The A r a b w o r l d is fa ir ly

homogeneous in its va lues, tradit ions,

culture, history and language.

'Contrast ing ' is non-descr ipt ive of the

A r a b people. The d iv is ion of the eastern

A r a b wo r l d into many states fo l lowed the

Sykes-Picot agreement in 1916 and the

implementat ion of Br i t i sh a n d F r e n c h

mandates in the reg ion. The exh ib i t i on

imp l i ed that Israel came into existence in

the same way as the A r a b states d id . It

should be c lar i f ied that wh i l e the A r a b

states ga ined their independence f rom the

Br i t i sh and the F r ench mandates, the U N

Genera l Assemb l y set a part i t ion p lan for

Palestine in October 1947, to create two

states, one for the Jews a n d one for the

Arabs , and to allot the Jew i sh state 56.6

per cent of the land of Palest ine of w h i c h

90 per cent was A r a b o w n e d and 50 per

cent Palest in ian A r a b populated. The

creat ion of Israel was accompan i ed by

the expuls ion of two thirds of the

Palest inians l i v i ng in the a r e a * The

independence of Israel was not the

independence of the indigenous people of

Palestine.

Under the title 'Use Your Democratic

Rights', the exhibition conveyed the idea

of the absence of democracy from the

Middle East apart from Israel.

Whi l e democracy does not constitute an

integral part of most A r a b regimes, it is

not absent. Egypt has l icensed parties and

there is a fair degree of f reedom of the

press. In Jo rdan , democrat ic elections

took place recent ly and the press is

re lat ive ly open . Y e m e n a n d A l g e r i a are

prepar ing for democrat ic elections. In the

declarat ion of Independence of M ay 1948,

the pr inc ip le of equal i ty be tween Jews

and Arabs in the new state of Israel was

proc la imed. In practice, Israel has yet to

abol ish d iscr iminat ion and inequal i ty

between the two pol i t ica l a n d socia l

rights (eg the Absentee Proper ty L a w of

1950, L a w of Re turn , d i sc r iminat ion in

munic ipa l f inance and job hire).

They supported international terrorism

and sent their own people to murder

worldwide.

' They ' above refers to the A r a b states. It

should have been speci f ied that the on ly

states that are l inked to t e r ror i sm are

Syr ia , L i b y a a n d Iraq.

So appalling violence has prevailed

irrespective of Israel's existence.

Vio l ence and upheava l have been

worsened by the impact of Israel, whose

defeat of the A r a b states i n 1948 and

1967 unde rm ined their governments .

Israel has medd l ed in L e b a n o n since the

1950s.

The only movement whose very

existence revolved around the destruction

of Israel was the PLO. Its aims are

enshrined in its constitution, it has never

been changed. In fact the art ic les that

fo l lowed were taken f rom the Palest inian

Nat iona l Charter w h i c h is not the same as

the const i tut ion.

The Charter has gone through three

phases, w h i c h are as fol lows:

Stage One : The 'total l iberat ion ' phase

f rom 64 through to 68. T h e Nat ional

Charters in that phase were character ised

by the enormous sense of loss and not by

the 'destruct ion of Israel'. Ar t i c l e 15 of

the Palestine Nat iona l Char te r of 1968

states that ' The l iberat ion of

Palestine.. .aims at the e l iminat ion of

Z i on i sm in Palest ine ' and not the people

of Israel. The re is no ment i on of

destroy ing Israel, in the sense of k i l l i ng

its people.

Stage two: The secular democrat i c state

phase f rom 69 to 73. The l iberated

Palestine env isaged in the Charter as

amended in 1968 and supp lemented by

the Palestine Nat iona l C o u n c i l resolut ions

was that of a secular democra t i c states,

a l l of whose ci t izens, regardless of

re l ig ion or race, wou ld have equal rights

and opportunit ies.

Stage Three : The two state solut ion

phase, w h i c h e vo l v ed into an expl ic i t

spelled-out acceptance of a Palest inian

state a longside Israel not as a transi t ional

stage but as a f inal one.

The evo lu t ion of the P L O ' s peace

strategy was f inalised at the adopt ion of

The Po l i t i ca l P rog ram and the Dec larat ion

of Independence by the 19th Palest inian

Nat iona l C o u n c i l in 1988, together w i th

Arafat 's statement in G e n e v a a mon th

later. These set the U N Secur i ty Counc i l

Resolut ions 242 and 338 as the basis for

conven ing an internat ional peace

conference in the Midd le East and

negotiations w i t h Israel w i th in the

f ramework of the Internat ional

Conference. Israel is c l ear ly recognised as

a legit imate state in the PNC 's

endorsement of the U N Genera l Assemb ly

part i t ion reso lut ion as it relates to the

establ ishment of two states i n what was

mandatory Palest ine. D i p l o m a c y and

peaceful sett lement are chosen to achieve

Palest in ian goals. Te r ro r i sm in al l its

f o rms—ind iv idua l , group and state is

emphat ica l l y rejected.

Hence it is evident that after the

n ineteenth P N C in Novembe r 1988 in

A lg iers , the Nat iona l Char ter was to a l l

intents and purposes, thought not in

specific terms, resc inded, since the basic

premises of the Dec lara t ion of

Independence (eg the part i t ion of

Palestine as the objective a n d peaceful

negot iat ion as the means of ach iev ing it)

and the basic premises of the Nat ional

Charter (eg the total l iberat ion of

Palest ine as the objective a n d a rmed

struggle as the exc lus ive means of

ach iev ing it) are fundamenta l ly opposed.

Arafat was correct w h e n dur ing his visit

to Paris in M a y 1989, he p ronounced the

Nat ional Char te r 'caduc ' o r ' lapsed' ,

though in the formal sense it is sti l l

operat ive .

But note the PLO was established in 64.

Its desire to annihilate Israel had nothing

to do with the West Bank and Gaza.

See above. The P L O is an ove ra l l body

concerned not on l y in the po l i t i ca l side of

the Pa lest in ian life but also in suppor t ing

educat ion, hea l th services and Palest in ian

art and cul ture . It has a lways sought to

rebui ld Palest in ian society and to promote

the welfare of the Palest inians. This is

what has made it change its goals f rom

those set out in 1964: it now seems a

realistic compromise .

Yasmin Saudi.

*See the U N Gene ra l Assembly/Of f i c ia l

Record , 6th session, supplement no 16A,

1951. The U N Economic survey Missions

Report, 1949.

Deadlines

O n c e a g a i n , t h e d e a d l i n e s f o r s u b m i s s i o n s to F e l i x

a r e

Unar ranged mate r ia l—Monday Luncht ime

Prearranged mater ia l—Tuesday Luncht ime

Y o u h a v e b e e n w a r n e d !

Alien Sex Fiend and Pendragon meet Dan Abnett, co-writer of one of their favourite comics and ask him about...

Magic and Dolphins, Heroes and Rainforests... D a n Abnet t is the co-writer (with John

Toml inson) of 'The Knights of Pendragon '

(KOP), a mon th l y comic pub l i shed by

M a r v e l U K . He has also w o r k e d on

severa l other titles for M a r v e l U K ,

inc lud ing be ing the editor of 'Str ip ' up

unt i l its recent demise. H e has recent ly

left M a r v e l U K , and now w o r k s as an

editor for 'Apoca lypse ' , a new Br i t i sh

c ompany fo rmed by some of the c r eam

of the comics industry i n this country . He

is cont inu ing to wr i te K O P o n a freelance

basis.

'The Knights of Pendragon ' is set in

Br i ta in , and has a heavy eco log ica l

theme, set against the r i ch tapestry of

Celt ic and A r t h u r i a n myths w h i c h abound

in our country . Its ma in characters are

people chosen as champions by the

ancient forces of these Isles, to fight

against the damage be ing done to Nature.

It is one of the best mon th l y comics

a round at the moment , and by far one of

the best things ever done by Marve l . The

wr i t ing , plots, character isat ion, art and

m o o d of the str ip are a l l exce l lent . A s

y o u may of guessed, we l ike it.

Thus we were more than happy w h e n

it turned out that D a n Abne t t was to be

one of the guests at last weeks P i coCon .

Af ter his exce l lent talk about the comics

field, D a n was grabbed a n d forced to sit

in front of a tape deck wh i l e we

in te rv i ewed h i m . Throughout bo th the

in terv i ew and the rest of the day M r

Abnet t was pleasant, humorous ,

in format ive and interest ing. W e on ly w ish

we ' d had more t ime in w h i c h to talk to

h im .

How long have you been working in

the comics field?

Near ly four years .

How did you get into the field, and

were you an avid reader before that?

No. I came into it because I didn't k n o w

what I wanted to do. I used to read

comics, when I was ve ry young. . . 'It a l l

started' (silly vo ice , laughs) ...I went to a

new schoo l a n d made a n e w fr iend, w h o

also enjoyed drawing .

One day I went a round to his house,

and he showed me these things he was

drawing , and they were comics . I thought

'Oooh , that's a good idea ' , and he showed

me al l these comics . He had huge great

piles of them, because he co l l ec ted al l the

Br i t i sh weekl ies as they came out.

It was one of those twists of fate that

happen in life: He had too m a n y comics

to fit into the cupboard he kept them in ,

and his mother had to ld h i m he was

go ing to th r ow them away unless hefound

a home for them. So he sa id to me

'wou ld y o u l ike the comics ?'. So, I took

away a pile of comics, a b i g pi le about

this h igh (glances at tape deck and says

'about a foot h i gh ' and laughs). I had

never read things l ike this before. There

were al l the o ld Hu lk stories, Bar ry

Windsor-Smith 's or ig ina l C o n a n stuff, D o n

Heck 's ear ly Avengers , a l l that k i n d of

stuff.

A n y w a y , I just went 'Wo w , this is

bri l l iant ! ' , because it immed ia te l y

answered the quest ion ' H o w can I do the

two things I l ike most...', w h i c h were

wr i t ing and draw ing , '...at the same

time?' . So I started d r a w i n g m y o w n

doing, w o r k i n g for the col lege magaz ine,

a l though it was m u c h more studenty and

car toony than this (Felix), a n d I didn't

have m u c h spare t ime.

A t the end of it e ve ryone was k i n d of

going off to this job or that job, and I had

no idea of wha t I wanted to do. Someone

suggested that I actual ly t r y to get a job

in comics, so I wrote to M a r v e l , as it was

the name that I associated the most w i th

the comics I read , and they asked me to

go for an in terv i ew, so I thought 'good'

(laughs), and I went a long . It turned out

that they 'd been adver t i s ing for some

comics . I started reading 2000 A D , I

started reading some US comics , but then

I got side- t racked : I was too busy, what

w i th ' A ' levels and stuff to w o r r y about.

So, I went to Univers i ty , a n d took

Eng l i sh . The th ing was that bo th of m y

parents were art teachers and it was

a lways m y s t rong subject: It was a lways

accepted that I w o u l d go to art college.

But it turned out that I was also quite

good at Eng l i sh , and compara t i ve l y I was

better at Eng l i sh than I was at A r t . So,

m y Eng l i sh teacher said to m e 'I th ink

y o u should do Eng l i sh at Univers i ty ' , and

put me in for Oxbr idge , whe r e I

eventual ly went to read Eng l i sh , w h i c h I'd

never intended to do.

It was dur ing that per iod that I started

to read comics again. There 's a great

comic shop in Ox f o rd ca l l ed 'Ra inbows

End ' . That was w h e n I r ead 'The Dark

Knight Returns ' for the first t ime, and

again, it's l ike one of those cruc ia l

moments , a n d I thought 'Th is is rea l ly

good' . Howeve r , at the t ime I was do ing

a lot of the k i n d of th ing that you ' re

editor ia l posit ions, and thought I'd appl ied

due to that. But it became apparent that I

was just interested, and I got one of the

jobs.

What was it l ike starting as an editor

at Marvel? What d id you do?

Wel l , as an editor in t ra in ing at Mar v e l I

spent the first wh i l e w o r k i n g in the

colour separat ion department . Then I

became an assistant editor , just do ing the

basic paste-up, and then y o u start to

wr i te a bit of copy , and y o u just learn

each stage as y o u go along, and w o r k

your way through . They a lways, I th ink,

l ike y o u to wr i t e a script, because how

can y o u poss ib ly crit ic ise somebody else's

scr ipt ing, unless y o u can do it? Maybe not

as we l l as them, but as l ong as y o u

understand the pr inciples.

Real ly , it's on the job t ra in ing whatever

y o u do, because comics are such a funny

thing, and a lot of the things y o u

probab ly th ink y o u k n o w about comics

are probably comple te ly w rong . A lot of

the things I thought I k n e w about them

were comple te ly wrong .

It's great though. I mean I real ly , rea l ly

enjoy wr i t ing . There 's no th ing better than

sitt ing d o w n and th ink ing 'I've got a

who le issue of Pendragon to wr i te ! God ! '

How did you come up with the

original idea for KOP?

It came about v i a mysel f and Steve

Whi te . Steve as an editor had a slot for a

new comic , and we tend to col laborate

on stuff, so we were ta lk ing about things,

use D a i Thomas , w h o was attached to

Capta in Br i t a in , and make h i m the l ink

across, a n d the ma in character for the

in i t ia l stretch.

How much research d id you do on the

Celtic and Ar thur ian background that

is central to the story? It seems very

comprehensive.

W e certa in ly have read severa l books on

the subject, put it that way. Part of m y

Eng l i sh course at un ivers i ty was Midd le

Eng l i sh and Ma l l o ry . The A r t h u r i a n

as it was obv ious that he was go ing to

edit it. He was ta lk ing to me not

necessari ly as the wr i ter , but just for

ideas. W e ta lked about the idea of do ing

an eco log ica l ly or ientated comic , w i th the

a im of increas ing peoples awareness. It

was sort of naff, but it seemed

appropriate .

W e had this idea, w h i c h we thought

was ve ry strong, about a guy w h o is

mot iva ted by forces that he doesn't

understand to go out and do' someth ing

about it, and maybe deve lop that in a

more supernatura l way. S imul taneous ly

the A m e r i c a n s suggested the possibi l i ty of

us us ing Capta in Br i ta in , because he was

becoming v e r y popular in Exca l i bur at

the t ime. A n y w a y , in the process of

ta lk ing , the two ideas fused.

W e real ised that Capta in Br i ta in

couldn' t be the character it happens to,

because that w o u l d be far too m u c h on

his shoulders, so we had this other

character, w h o wou ld get i n vo l v ed w i t h

Capta in Br i ta in , and he w o u l d be the guy

that changed. T h e obvious th ing was to

Legend is one of m y favourite stories,

and so I'm quite g lad that we 've found a

new way to l ook at it. In the end we just

p i cked one ve rs ion and stuck to it.

Af ter we fused the two ideas I was

there because of m y know ledge of the

A r t h u r i a n Stuff, and Steve has a very

strong eco log ica l backg round , and John

was assistant editor on Cap ta in Br i ta in

and knows a lot of that backg round . In

fact, it's amus ing to reflect, at this

juncture, that the brains b eh ind K O P are

Steve Whi te , who 's the sen ior Mar v e l

editor, Me , who ' s n o w (laughs) a senior

Apoca lypse person, and J o h n Toml inson ,

w h o most weeks is the m igh ty T h a r g (the

editor of 2000 AD) , so there 's an

interest ing combina t i on (laughs)

Several Marve l titles seem to be

getting much darker, K O P also seems

to be a part of this more mature

approach...

Yes, it's someth ing I've been w o r k i n g

towards for a long t ime, a l ong w i th (but

independant ly of) several other wri ters.

Another one of the strengths of K O P

is the humour...

I th ink humour is ex t reme ly important in

comics, I hate those total ly serious ones.

W e l ike to put in some on-l iners every

now and then.

Well , they're excellent. We 're also

impressed that one of the characters

lives on Gloucester Road! It adds to

the realism of the story when you use

real places.

Yes. W e based it a l l on rea l places. I l ive

in Kent , so that waswhere the Kent l ink

came in , Gary Ersk ine is a Scott ish artist,

so the Scott ish l ink is there. Gloucester

Road seemed l i ke a l ike ly p lace for Kate

to l ive. The o n l y t imes we do take

l iberties by ac tua l ly inven t ing places tend

to be l ike the O r k n e y Islands bit: There

isn't actual ly a place ca l l ed that, because

we didn't wan t to say 'Th is place is full of

murderers ' , it was just the concept.

S imi la r l y the Spanish t own , a l though, n o w

I come to say it, that w a s John's idea, so

maybe it is r ea l !

Cer ta in ly the myths t h a t connect to the

story are rea l ones. W e either use rea l

names and places, or transpose real

places to different locat ions. W e on ly

invent a name w h e n we th ink that us ing

the real n a m e w o u l d be too po inted or

damag ing to the place concerned .

I do like the way Captain Britain has

been portrayed in KOP , especially his

relationship with Union Jack.

Yes , we real ly wan t ed to contrast the two

characters. Capta in Br i ta in is so m u c h l ike

Capta in A m e r i c a , y o u know , he's so

honorab le it's annoy ing , and Un i on Jack

is m u c h more the sort of D a r e D e v i l or

Sp iderman Character , any th ing for a

quick laugh, but deep d o w n mot ivated by

exact ly the same sense of justice.

But we d id get into a lot of trouble w i t h

the things that Capta in Br i t a in does in the

strip. A l a n Dav i s said that Capta in Br i t a in

wou ld never have k i l l ed D a i . W e have

since made a gentleman's agreement,

whereby we agreed that b y that stage

Da i Thomas IS Sir Gawa in anyway , and

he's fulf i l l ing a role, and w h e n Capta in

Br i ta in arr i ves he's ful f i l l ing a role as

we l l , and becomes the character of

Lance lot in the or ig ina l story.

A t this point M r Abnet t was grabbed b y

the P i coCon organisers, a n d short ly

afterwards had to leave. F e l i x wou ld l ike

to thank h im for this in te rv i ew, and the

openness and genia l i ty he showed

throughout .

12 13

Dinosaur J r —Green Mind LP

Codeine —Frigid Stars LP

Uncharacter is t i c , yes, but th ink noth ing

about it. This is perhaps the first me l l ow

record out of Sub-Pop's noise factory.

Maybe it's because Codeine stem from

New Yo rk , about as far away f rom the

Seatle scene as y o u can get.

Don't be dece ived by general isat ions.

The record is me l l ow but on ly as me l l ow

as a guitar or ientated rock ' n ' ro l l band

can get. A t most a sort of Spacemen

Three tr ip wi thout the repetit iveness. The

music ebbs and flows bu i ld ing f rom

c l imax to c l imax . Voca ls w a x i n g w i th the

music .

Not quite the usual hyper fuzzed, over

thrashed, 60s r e vamp we 've al l come to

expect from the crew, in fact it's one of

the smoothest sounds I've heard recent ly

without sound ing too me l l ow . Guitars

slide by on a 20mph cruise contro l

noth ing hectic, but not too predictable

either. Voca ls ro l l on and off w h e n the

m o o d is good (or bad). Lyr i cs adding to

the air of genera l depression, re lat ing

stories of unrequ i ted love and decept ion.

I don't th ink that technica l ly they are

musica l geniuses. They get by w i th a few

minor chords s t rummed occas ional ly .

Drums mere l y ho ld the r h y t h m , and

prov ide a stable base on w h i c h they

bu i ld . It's the lazy vocals a n d the general

air or depression w h i c h fol lows that sets

it apart, a sort of musica l Lou Reed.

Paral lels w i t h Bitch Magnet's me l l ower

sound are easil iy drawn—espec ia l l y w i th

the reference to lead singer Sooyoung

Park on the thanks list. The dark sound is

the same but the different v o ca l style sets

it apart.

searaw S e b

14

'Hey, Hey, M y , M y R o c k ' n ' Ro l l w i l l never

die', said the great Ne i l Y o u n g in 1979.

W e l l it sure ain ' t dead yet and as long as

Dinosaur Jr are here and k i c k i n ' it, Neil 's

prophesy w i l l r ema in fulf i l led. Ne i l Y o u n g

is also a good start ing point to get where

Dinosaur Jr are at but l eav ing qu icker

and quicker (if you see what I mean).

The i r first a lbum since 1988's Bug (which

t ranscended ner ly eve ry th ing else that

year for sheer laid-back guitar coolness

and for conta in ing the immor ta l Freak

Scene) shows just how their sound's

progressing.

F r o m the s to rming opener The Wagon

the l istener is d rawn onwards as the

a lbum rolls on and on never fai l ing to

enthra l l and capt ivate. W h e n the guitars

are f lowing fast they sound l ike the

p innac le of an aural ecstacy buzz pu l l ing

your ears apart, r earrang ing and turn ing

your sensory neurones up to 11. The

mock-confess ional tones of the quieter

laid-back songs uplift you as the urgency

of the guitars is still there, but it's never

threatening or down-beat, constant ly

soothing and carressing. J Mascis '

legendary slothful lethargy a lways

pervades his vo ice , g iv ing the impress ion

that no matter how urgent the song, he

real ly can't be bothered w i t h any hassle

that life's twists may throw at h im.

Water, Thumb and Poke and Cry show

this laid-back splendour at its best;

The Shamen —Hyperreal 12"

W i t h Hyperreal, The Shamen release

another typical ly energetic dance track. If

they were anyone else mono tony may

have set in but these boys just seem to

get better and better. They rea l ly have

mastered the art of dancef loor energy. It's

a real rol ler-coaster of a track, w i th a

sparse (semi-existent) voca l set over a

deep terror-synth, and a c lackety r h y t h m

throw ing out a dark funk r idden, arse

wr igg l ing beat. (Am 1 be ing a tad

pretentious?) It's prec is ion led and total ly

efficient. This is so sexy I'm surprised that

it doesn't come w i th its own dry ice.

H a r r y C r o s s .

Thumb w i th its flute (!!) w h i c h by rights

should be a rea l downer but evokes^

happy memor i es from the recesses of the

m ind ; Water is a song w h i c h is rea l ly

go ing somewhere but, l ike hey! after a

k ip , some TV , a smoke ; w h o cares?

Dinosaur Jr are back w i th a stormer and

are showing the pretenders to their

throne just whe re to get off on the

express to me lod ic guitar me l t down city

and then laugh as these poor creatures

are left to wander the forest of

mediocr i ty l o ok ing for an escape. A n d

w h y not?

D o m i n i c

K i t c h e n s o f D i s t i n c t i o n

—Drive That Fast EP

Melody Maker's single of the week, no

less. That r e v i ew also prov ides us w i th

the reason for the lack of a band photo

on the cover (replaced instead by a

beautiful p ic ture of err.. .a flower): these

guys are ugly, they smile less than

Depeche Mode.

The title t rack opens the EP w i th

sw i r l ing guitars, and it al l sounds good,

but unfortunate ly , the lead singer can't

s ing for toffee. H e ruins a p romis ing song.

Secondly , onto These Drinkers. He's

g iven up t ry ing to sing, and just dictates

the lyr ics, resul t ing in a m u c h better

song, but it's cut tragical ly short just as I

was gett ing into it.

O n the other side, Elephantiny features

the lead singer back on terr ib le form,

s inging about, wait for it, elephants. The

worst song on the EP by far.

F ina l ly , onto Three to Beam Up. The

band have f inal ly chucked the singer, and

the result: a g lor ious instrumenta l makes

the E P a wor thy purchase o n its own .

Sound ing vague ly remote, it fades out

s lowly , and it's so good!

Hey , these guys look l ike Depeche

Mode as wel l .

L i s e Y a t e s .

Boss H o g

This was not a gig for the faint hearted,

nor was it for music lovers . God saw to

that. E v e n Gallon Drunk had a strange

quirk. They emerged quaint r ockab i l l y

types but soon p r o v ed that first

impressions can be ve ry decept ive . The

r y thm sect ion we re quite no rma l ,

inc lud ing the maracas . They p layed notes,

Ocean Colour Scene

—The Venue 1.3.91

Not be ing ve ry we l l up on the

'Manchester ' scene, I assumed that Ocean

Colour Scene we r e ca tch ing a free ride

on its sodden coat tails. See ing the

occas ional fan in the annoy ing l y designed

T-shirts d idn ' t help m u c h either. So w h e n

they modest ly took to the stage and

plugged in I was taken aback. First off,

they aren't an archetypa l nor thern band .

Secondly , the lead singer IS the new M i c k

Jagger. He doesn't sound l ike h im

par t i cu lar ly , but yes, he has the sneer,

the arrogant look and the s i l ly epi leptic

dance. They don't stop there either. It

doesn't take l ong to see they are under

the Beatle's in f luence - i n fact its more

a long the l ines of inebr ia t ion . St i l l ,

f o l l owing in these we l l w o r n footsteps has

pa id off we l l . They ' ve brought the

comb ina t i on bang up to date and produce

some exc i t ing ly fresh and spark l ing ly ,

sh iny songs. Just wa tch ing f rom the

ba lcony , I c ou ld see this b a n d have the

undef inable mag i c qual i ty that cou ld see

them heading in a u p w a r d direct ion.

Def inite ly ones to watch . Th is gig was

f i lmed and Ocean Colour Scene can be

seen on Snub T V on M o n d a y .

Harry Cross.

—Marquee even in t ime w i t h each other. It became

interest ing w h e n the lead singer d ropped

the guitar (literally) and began p lay ing

keyboards as we l l as s ing ing . Jugg l ing the

vocals, the guitar and the k eyboa rd

p roved difficult and some anarch ic results

occurred . G o o d for a laugh.

God were different; any b a n d w i th two

d rummers , two bassists and two guitarists

(let a lone two saxophonists) was to be

different. The ensuing noise carnage was

insp i r ing . The o n l y c lear effects were a

d r i v ing beat (a we l l coo l one at that) and

a non-stop w a l l of sound. Voca l s

sc reamed ove r the top, repet i t ive to the

extreme. The first song had one w o r d —

'God '—it lasted fifteen minutes . Af ter two

or three m o r e pure noise sessions the

Marquee was lost in the haze, y o u cou ld

on ly sit back and take it.

The go ld l ame shirt and Ch ing guitar

signif ied the a r r i va l of the Pussy Galore

inspired Boss Hog exper ience . Af ter an

indeterminab le t ime the 'Goddess of

latterday noise rock a r r i v ed on stage,

insp i r ing a n e w wave of audience

par t ic ipat ion—pos i t i ve this t ime. The

lurch ing r o m p i n g and g r ind ing ro l l began

as Boss Hog cru ised through the back

catalogue of s leazed rockabi l l y - insp i red

thrash.

L i k e a bass hungry Pussy Galore , Boss

Hog, spewed out their strange brew.

G o od d r ink ing it was.

Seb.

Jesus Jones Just fifteen months ago, London-based

' techno-terrorists ' Jesus Jones re leased

their first a l bum, Liquidiser, on the back

of the swift r ise of the ' Indie ' music scene.

On l y fifteen months later, the Jones'

p layed two dates at Ken t i sh Town 's T & C ,

accompan ied by such publ ic i ty (hype?)

that touts were l ook ing for £35 per t icket

(£7 face value) on the night of the gig.

Start ing the show for Jesus Jones were

Soho, a former club act current l y

enjoy ing the success of Hippychick (spot

the Smith's How Soon is Now guitar

sample) and p romo t ing their second

a lbum, Goddess, before a tour inc lud ing a

date at the As t o r i a (24.5). They were

enjoyable enough for a support band, but

gave too st i l ted a per formance to be

satisfying, o n l y re lax ing into their s imple ,

catchy tunes towards the end of their set.

They didn't go d o w n too w e l l w i t h the JJ

fans, though.

Lights go out, and d o w n come the

backc loths for JJ's set, dep ic t ing the

c l owns heads w h i c h are the theme of the

Doubt tour: the c r o w d go man ic . That

Levitation & Catherine Wheel

—Underworld 2.3.91

These two bands are booked to p lay I.C

at the end of t e rm, so I dec ided to get

mysel f over to Camden and see what 's in

store for you lucky boys and girls. Just

before I r e v i ew the gig, it must be sa id

full marks to those love ly U n d e r w o r l d

people - the beer came in glasses! H a ha,

I was a rmed and wai t ing . So were

Catherine Wheel. Ride compar i sons

abound and so d id I as the lead singer

(strangely wear ing the same top as the

prev ious nights O.C.S singer) l aunched

into some acute ly devastat ing guitar

songs. T read ing through an almost classic

pop genre they p layed a wonder fu l l y f luid

set w i t h ease and conf idence.

The head l in ing act went to Levitation.

Were they some k i n d of Spacemen 31

H a d B ickers gone bonkers? Nobody

seemed to k n o w . A s the band came on, a

cautious audience m o v e d toward the

stage. Nobody pushed, rushed or shouted.

V e r y odd. House of L o v e they were not.

So what were they ? In essence they

lacked focus - we re they pop or sub-pop?

I don't th ink they k n e w themselves.

B ickers seemed to have a great t ime w i th

his guitar and pedals, and he was

obl iv ious to the sti lted response from the

c rowd . This was a g ig whe r e it was

obv ious ly more fun on the stage than off.

Harry Cross

& Soho -T&C

man ia cont inues through the one hour

and ten minute set, open ing w i th the

marg ina l l y 'baggy ' style i nc lud ing Right

Here, Right Now, International Bright

Young Thing and Real, Real.

'People say we 're just a pop band ' say

the band after IBYT, and l aunch into

their more fami l iar stutter ing wa l l of

sound w i th Trust Me, Stipped and Two

and Two. M i k e Edwards ' guitar sound,

d renched w i th echo and ADT, drove the

c r o w d into a frenzy, b r eak ing on ly w i th

the quiet deadpan rap voca l and low-key

moody backd rop of the l ikes of Nothing

to Hold Me.

As an encore , Jesus p r oc l a imed 'We 're

go ing out of here the same way y o u w i l l

be! ' and hit an exhausted c r o w d w i th the

anthemic Pissed. Pissed, exhausted and

exhi larated , we made our w a y home after

one of a very enjoyable gig. Just over

one hour may seem short for a set, but

w i th Jesus Jones, it's density that counts

and not length.

Graeme H.

15

Clubs Football IC II—6 S O P - 2

IC resumed their season after the recent

weather interupt ions w i th an easy v i c tory

ove r poor oppos i t ion . Hat t r i ck hero A

Ja lan , C G i l m o u r the canny Scot and the

inevi table S Ba r r y gave IC a five goal

half-time lead. A n ear ly 2nd half goal by

the ' M A B D O ' made it six. By then the

result wasn't in doubt. The ma in quest ion

was whether N Leonard the IC Capta in

wou ld w i n an early bath a w a r d from the

Ref.

IC V - 7 IC I V - 1

O n a typ ica l l y w i n d y day at Har l ing ton

the fifth team dealt out a lesson in the

finer arts of footbal l that the fourths w i l l

never forget. Dec id ing to battle against

the e lements in the first half the fifths

p layed at a l i ghten ing pace w i th

Hendr i ckson open ing the scor ing five

minutes f rom the off. Reece added the

second short ly after and the fourths fell

to pieces. Stevens added a th i rd and

Fenton w i th a f ine ind iv idua l effort made

it 4-0 at half t ime .

Af ter conced ing a goal after the interva l

Hendr i ckson and A w a l e p r o v ed there's

more than one way to s k i n a fullback as

the lumber ing D a m o n T h o m a s and

col leagues we re left for dead t ime and

again. Co l l i son also scored as the fourth

t eam were left as spectators at their o w n

funeral of footbal l inadequacy . In a

season of ups and downs for the fifths,

this magni f icent seven must be the

sweetest v i c to ry of a l l .

Ladies Football Dribblers—11 U C L - 0

Sunday saw the Dribbler 's first game for

three weeks and their first game under

new coach Ne i l Leonard . It was a nervous

m o r n i n g for the Capta in. A 9 o 'c lock

meet had been scheduled but a d runken

Debbie Wi l l i ams had been mis in fo rming

naive dr ibblers as to where and w h e n we

wou ld meet. A f ter an hour, w i th a team

f inal ly assembled, the Dr ibb ler ' s set off to

the Chisslehurst Grounds. The Dr ibblers

were keen to put Neil 's n e w tactics into

pract ice but no one cou ld have dreamed

how successful they wou ld be. The team

passed to each other, E the l ran around,

Pe rm i didn't fall over and N ina , yes N ina ,

scored a goal ! Hope , f inding herself

m a r k e d by everyone bar the goalie,

p layed a br i l l iant game throughout ,

scor ing a hattr ick in the process. The

r ema in ing golas came f rom Pe rm i (5), Jo

(1) and a U C L defender w h o , hav ing

real ised that scor ing past E m m a S impson

was out of the quest ion, s lotted one past

her o w n goal ie. E v e n the defender tr ied

to get in on the act w i th E the l and

Rache l going on several good runs (yes

Ethe l does r u n occasional ly ) up the p i tch

into prev ious ly u n k n o w n terr i tory for the

Dribbler 's defence.

A l l in a l l , a great game for the

Dr ibb lers and, alas, the f inal game for

N ina Gascoigne. N ina , we l l k n o w n star

Dr ibb ler is crap and has been dropped , I

mean she w i l l be away for the r ema in ing

games.

Rag C o m i c Relief is but a week away. What

are y o u p l ann ing to do? IC Rag is ho ld ing

a B a c k g a m m o n Mara thon in the J C R and

also a Circ le L ine pub c raw l , the rest of

t e rm has co l lect ions p l anned for Gui ld ford

(13 March) , Covent Garden Panda

Co l lec t ion (16 March) and f inal ly

Windstart Ma idenhead (20 March) . So

come a long for a fun day out and help

improve on the £2,600 a l ready raised.

Amnesty F r o m Tuesday to Thursday of next week,

there w i l l be a display in the J C R

prepared by the Imperia l Co l lege Group .

Four ma in topics w i l l be covered ,

h ighl ight ing the w o r k of A m n e s t y

Internat ional a n d par t i cu lar ly the col lege

group.

O n Tuesday and Thursday luncht imes,

there w i l l be the chance to talk to group

members , w h o w i l l try and answer any

questions about the group, Amnes ty ' s

posi t ion on such issues as the Gulf crisis

or its concerns in other areas of the

wo r ld .

As we l l as the usual letter wr i t ing stall

whe re y o u are inv i ted to s ign pre-writ ten

letters, there w i l l be a range of Amnes t y

goods on sale inc lud ing t-shirts, badges,

keyr ings etc. T h e sale of mechandise is

an important source of r evenue for

Amnes t y Internat ional so w e hope y o u

w i l l come a long and support this h u m a n

rights char i ty .

Cross Country W i t h co ld , ca lcu lated prec is ion the

war r i o rs of d o o m comple t ed their

ex tended demol i t i on of the London

colleges league in predic tably f lamboyant

fashion last Wednesday . A n d yet, cou ld a

hint of emot i on be detected as 10 of our

12 representat ives marked their f inal

league race for the college? Nay, twas a

mere w h i m of fancy, for the T o r c h of

Har r i e r Spirit has passed to the safe

hands of Paul , defying med ica l science in

the name of t eam honour to hobble

r ound in 6th place despite c r ipp l ing

injuries. The 3-lap road race of 10km saw

a prominent pha lanx of IC vests

throughout, w i t h the a i l ing Pau l ini t ia l ly

l ead ing a group of A l ex , La z za , B i l l and

Frank . A s the distance took its harsh to l l ,

it was F rank w h o stonked through al l the

way up to th i rd , m a r k i ng his farewel l

appearance w i t h his highest ever p lac ing.

The Cult of A l e x had detached itself f rom

his youthful pursuers to m a k e 8th even

yet again, wh i l e in their effort to defeat

the bane of the league, B i l l and L a z z a

produced a spectacular and vernacular

finale to c l a im 13th and 14th. But the

best was yet to come. Master grunter

Edwards had opted to start in last place,

choos ing to g r imace it up the home

straight to lead the B-team charge. Car l ,

D a n , Ian and Dave packed it in between

41 and 49 to reaf f i rm our depth of

insanity, w i th Ho Y i n also m a k i n g

not icable improvement . In the two-lap

womens race it seemed a formal i ty for

Edwige to f inish a clear second, wh i l e

He l en p roduced her o w n brand of heroics

by fai l ing ove r at hal fway, spra in ing her

ankle , and then equal l ing her season's

best of n inth . The season's end sees Pau l

the ind i v idua l champ ion b y just one

point, Edwige second, F rank 3rd and B i l l

5th, w i th the first team r u n n i n g away

w i th the honours to mark the passing of

an era.

16

and Societies Splot Soc

Saturday February 23 saw the inaugura l

Universi t ies tournament at ProSport , near

Ef f ingham Junc t i on . The Imper ia l team,

k n o w n loosely as Emu l s i on Propuls ion,

Xenomorphs , Eggshe l l -F in ished Dea th

(and a mult i tude of other, more insult ing

names) entered their first own-guns

tourney.

Hot favourites to w i n were K ings ton

Po ly (the B lack Leg ion , apparent ly ) and

the Anchov i e s ( from Essex Uni ) . Other

part ic ipants inc luded Read ing , South Bank

Po ly and U C L (more about them later).

The format was a round-rob in , w i th the

top four teams p lay ing off in semi- and

final games to deter ine the placings, w i th

the bot tom two teams p l ay ing to avo id

be ing laughed at.

First up against us were the B lack

Leg ion , hav ing first c omp la ined about the

paint (purple, t ox i c and it hurts—just the

way we p l anned it...) we we re throw ing .

B o th sides were undu ly caut ious, the

result end ing in a draw. H a v i n g sorted

out our tactics (a cockta i l of b l i t zkr ieg ,

New Y o r k Giant-style offensive play, b l ind

luck and lots of shout ing t h r o w n in), we

proceeded to shred the r ema in ing

opposi t ion in grand style. A hugely

honourable men t i on goes to Read ing who

put up a good fight w i t h o n l y ten men ,

and not-so-honourable rrrention to South

"Bank Po ly , w h o lasted a magni f icent four

and a half minutes.

Penalt ies f lew thick and fast, w i th

points deducted for any th ing f rom hot

guns to interest ing language. The result of

the round-rob in phase saw Emuls i on

Propuls ion in first place, p l ay ing off

against Read ing in the first semi-f inal. The

other semi-f inal saw the much-vaunted

(and now deep purple) B l a ck Leg ion

against U C L .

K ings ton suffered a shcok loss to U C L ,

wh i l e Imperia l pul led off another

comprehens ive v i c tory against Reading .

W e therefore faced U C L for the t rophy (a

case of Tennants) . Manag ing to snatch a

defeat f rom the jaws of v i c to ry , Imperia l

suffered their first loss of the day in a

blaze of g lory , smoke (ours) and suic idal

tactics. A l l credit to a c anny U C L team

w h o sat back and watched us shred

ourselves—at least, K ings ton didn't w i n

(boy, were they pissed off), and the

Universi t ies of L o n d o n car r i ed off the top

two places.

Film Soc The f inal presentat ion of the t e rm by

F i lmSoc is another classic. The f i lm is b y

the supreme master of suspense—Al f red

Hi tchcock . It starts the irrepressible James

Stewart and the s tunning ly beautiful

Grace Ke l l y . Stewart has been cons igned

to his r o o m due to a b r oken leg, and to

al leviate the b o r e d o m he resorts to

observ ing the day to day life of the

residents in the b lock of flats opposite his

b ed room w i n d o w . One night he becomes

the sole witness to a murder (or does

he?). No one else of course bel ieves h im ,

except his g ir l f r iend, and so the two

attempt to reso lve the mystery by

themselves. T h e per formances are

immacula te a n d the d i rec t i on faultless.

The show starts at 7.30pm in M e c h E n g

220, Thursday M a r c h 14.

OSC International Night

After a ve ry successful event and before

r e turn ing to m y pi l ing-up coursework , I

feel I shou ld wr i te a few impress ions

about the Internat ional Night '91. The

massive effort of countless students and

most nat iona l societies was we l l justified

in probably the co lour ful event of the

year .

F r o m the organisat ional po int of v i ew it

a l l went quite we l l . The ma in p rob l em

was the huge c r o w d queue ing outside the

entrance and t r y ing to get into the

a l ready full J C R and Great H a l l wi thout

hav ing t ickets. For tunate ly we f inal ly

managed to cope w i t h it. T o our

disappointed visitors I can on ly suggest

that they buy their t ickets earl ier next

t ime (maybe next year 's O S C w i l l

consider us ing the A lbe r t Hall! ) .

Otherwise , we had few unexpec ted

problems and even fewer compla ints ,

many of w h i c h were unjustif ied. The vast

majority of people had a wonder fu l t ime.

Newspapers in Haldane Library

After popular demand , in the beg inning

of this year we negotiated w i th the

Ha ldane L i b r a r y and we a r ranged the

display of fore ign newspapers for the

benefit of the overseas students. W e

compi l ed a list of twenty or so

newspapers that societies were interested

to subscribe to. Howeve r , on l y a few

newspapers are d isp layed in the Haldane

L ibrary . This is very embarrass ing

because we insisted that papers should be

displayed, and the l ibrary staff k ind ly

accepted them despite the trouble that

they had had in the past. What

happened? D idn ' t the societies bother

subscribing? I suggest that overseas

students start hassl ing their societies

about that.

Sabbatical Elections

I bel ieve that overseas students can get

m u c h more out of the U n i o n and its

sabbaticals in the fo l lowing years by

vo t ing in the elections. The re are at least

1,200 overseas students w i t h a right to

vote in this col lege; this numbe r can

signif icantly inf luence the outcome of

these elect ions. In this way, the overseas

students can get commi tments f rom the

compet ing candidates to p romote their

co l lect ive interest.

A G M

The A n n u a l Genera l Mee t ing of the

Overseas Students Commi t t ee is go ing to

take place on Thursday M a r c h 14 at

12.30pm in r o o m 342 M e c h Eng . In this

meet ing, we w i l l have e lect ions for the

fo l lowing posit ions: C h a i r m a n , V i ce

C h a i r m a n , Jun io r Treasurer , H o n o r a r y

Secretary, Events Officer, Pub l i c i ty

Officer, Sports Officer, Wel fare Officer,

L ia ison Officer and seven Ord ina r y

Members . A n y o n e w h o wishes to stand

for these posit ions can sign up at the OSC

not iceboard (no 15) in the ma in wa lkway .

The job descr ipt ions w i l l be d isplayed at

this board .

For those w h o don't a l ready know , the

O S C is a major subcommit tee of the

Students ' U n i o n w i th the fo l l ow ing

activit ies: it represents overseas students

in U n i o n committees, the U n i o n Counc i l ,

some Col lege commit tees a n d other

bodies. It prov ides a forum for discussion

of prob lems a n d other issues concern ing

overseas students. It coordinates the

function of na t iona l societies. It acts as a

buffer be tween these societies and the

Students' U n i o n . It organises events.

Genera l l y the OSC keeps a low-profi le

among students. If anyone wants more

in format ion, please contact me, Andreas

Massouras, th rough m y un ion p igeonhole .

17

Scribblers' Corner LETTERS

What's On A N UP-TO-THE-MINUTE GUIDE TO EVENTS

FRIDAY Hang Gliding

Southside Upper Lounge. Come and find out

about weekend training. Weekly meeting.

Conservative Soc

Physics 737.

Yacht Club Meeting

Huxley 413.

Rag Meeting

Union Lounge.

FBI Soc

Room 340 Huxley. MBA—what is it worth and

how do I get one?

Huxley Soc Bookstall

JCR.

Friday Prayers

Southside Gym. See Islamic Society.

Kung Fu

Union Gym.

C.U. Prayer Meeting

413 Maths.

Yoga

Southside

Christian Union Meeting

308 Computing.

Swimming

Sports Centre. New members always welcome.

Fencing Club Training

Club training.

Shaolin System Nam Pai Chuan

Southside Gym.

Water Polo

Sports Centre. Come along and join in.

Southside Disco

Southside Bar.

SATURDAY Kung Fu Club

Wu Shu Kwan in Southside Gym.

SUNDAY Sunday Service

Anteroom Sherfield Building. See West London

Chaplaincy.

Catholic Chaplaincy Mass

53 Cromwell Road.

Wargames /

UDH. A l l welcome.

Yoga

Southside Gym.

Kung Fu Club 4.30pm

Wu Shu Kwan in the Union Gym.

Catholic Mass

53 Cromwell Road, followed by supper.

MONDAY RockSoc Meeting

Southside Upper Lounge. A l l abnormalities

welcome.

Basketball Club

Volleyball Court. Men's Team.

Keep Fit

But By Jingo... Dear Andy,

There has been a lot of cont roversy

over whether our brave and val iant

heroes f rom the Gulf should rece ive a

v i c tory parade when they r e turn . I th ink

they should . Those w h o c omp la in are the

same bunch of pacifist lefties and general

no-hopers w h o can't wait to knock our

country at every opportuni ty .

There were times, du r ing the war , that

those of us at home cou ld on ly wa t ch and

pray that our casualties w o u l d be l ight,

and thank goodness they were ! W e were

struck f rom the start by the b rave ry of

our pilots r e turn ing f rom their raids over

Baghdad . So c a l m , so professional , so

Br i t i sh . Our hearts went out to those

families whose sons, daughters or l oved

ones w i l l never re turn.

A n d what now? Before the war we

were urged to plunge even deeper into

Europe and turn our backs on our

A m e r i c a n friends. W h e n the chips were

d o w n our European ' fr iends' co l lapsed.

W e Br i t i sh d id not bottle out because our

act ions are not guided by nat iona l

interest as by our nat ional character . In

the 2nd W o r l d W a r we took on Hit ler to

defend the r ights of weaker countr ies as

we have done in the Gulf. W e also

Sad But True

showed that jumped up A r g i e dictator

Ga l t i e r i that w e wou ld s tand f i rm on the

Fa lk lands . It just wouldn ' t have seemed

r ight to sit back and let the Y a n k s fight

alone. Th is histor ic a l l iance of the U n i o n

Jack and the Stars and Stripes has been

forged in the b l ood of our heroes.

W e must neve r forget those w h o lost

their l ives f ight ing for this count ry in any

battle or war . T h e v i c tory parade w i l l

p rov ide an end to this latest chapter

w h i c h is impor tant for the troops. It w i l l

show how p r o u d of the Boys we rea l ly

are and how p roud we are in our great

country . Ignore al l these lefties w h o say

belief in the Un i on flag is wrong . It is not!

I w i l l p robab l y be ca l led j ingoistic for

wr i t ing this letter. J ingo i sm comes f rom

the fo l lowing 19th century poem:

W e don't want to fight,

But b y J ingo if we do,

We ' v e got the ships,

We ' v e got the m e n ,

We ' v e got the m o n e y too.

A n d what the hel l is w r o n g in that?

The very best of British,

Alan Bailey (newly elected SCC Political

Rep).

P.S. When ' s the debate?

Dear Andy,

Y o u are p robab ly reading this letter

dur ing a l e c ture—why not I wrote it

dur ing one? Lectures r ound here seem to

fall into two categories; those y o u can

sleep in and those in w h i c h y o u practise

your handwr i t ing . W e are constant ly

faced w i th be ing s low ly lu l l ed to sleep by

the never end ing vo ice of some professor,

ta lk ing about notes he has a l ready

distr ibuted in pr inted form; fo l lowed by a

session of furiously c opy ing the

b l ackboard to save Imperial 's

photocop ie rs—never understanding , just

copy ing . I cou ld have co l lected notes and

cop ied the b o a r d w h e n I was six; on ly

better then as I wasn't short-sighted.

I on ly had one real ly good teacher at

school,- but he k n e w his job so we l l that

he made a l l our other teachers look

ex t reme ly poor . In his lessons at least

8 0 % of what was said came f rom pupils;

this w a y he c ou ld get a large amount of

feedback on how m u c h the class

understood and what speed to go.

Eve ry th ing w o u l d be cove red twice in a

lesson. First t ime he wou ld just let

anybody in the class suggest how to

proceed, the o ther t ime he w o u l d p ick on

indiv iduals , m o v i n g a round every so

often. His cho ice of mater ia l was

excel lent, just too difficult for any one

person to do, but the who l e class cou ld

manage, and the combina t i on of

contr ibut ing a n d be ing p i cked on kept

everyone interested.

The p rob l em w i t h lecturers here in Elec

E n g is that the student is just a passive

observer , the lecturer has no w a y of

k n o w i n g how m u c h has been understood.

It is easier to sit back and dayd r eam than

it is to concentrate and people w i l l

no rma l l y opt for the easiest th ing to do.

James Rouse, Elec Eng 2.

Mend-a-Bike P E T E R T H O M A S

6 �1

18

All's Fair...? Dear Andy,

President B u s h has said that the w a r

against Iraq was fought for the ' l iberat ion

of Kuwai t ' , but what exact ly does the

' l iberat ion of Kuwa i t ' actual ly mean? It

seems to me that Kuwa i t , was in part

' l iberated ' for the benefit of the people

l i v ing in Kuwa i t , so that, i n some sense, it

was not Kuwa i t but a group of people

that were ' l iberated ' . But w h i c h people?

Was it the Kuwa i t i nat ionals w h o were

' l iberated'? T h e E m i r is impos ing three

months of mar t i a l l aw on K u w a i t

(presumably because, as acco rd ing to the

Interior Min is ter , 'the cleansing of Kuwa i t

f rom the effects of war and f rom the fifth

columns'...will require some t ime ' (my

italics) and K u w a i t i oppos i t ion groups are

forced to have a conference outside their

country , because such a conference is

forbidden under mar t ia l l aw . A l r e ady

members of the Kuwa i t i oppos i t ion in

Kuwa i t have been assassinated and ,

accord ing to senior members of the

opposi t ion, the P l ann ing Min is ter had said

that Syria 's d isbanded Spec ia l Forces

were be ing recru i ted by a y o u n g Sabah

to 'e l iminate oppos i t ion ' . Indeed, Kuwai t i s

seem to have m o r e l iberty here in Br i ta in

than they do in their o w n country .

Was it the people w h o w o r k e d in

Kuwa i t w h o were ' l iberated'? The

Wash ing ton based Centre of Po l i cy

Ana lys i s on Palest ine has a l ready ca l led

for measures to prevent re ta l ia t ion

against Palest inians l i v ing in Kuwa i t ,

people w h o have contr ibuted more to the

g rowth of Kuwa i t than the Kuwa i t i s

themselves. One of the reasons for the

Centre 's c once rn is that the C r o w n Pr ince

She ikh Sa 'ad as-Sabah himsel f had said

that they w i l l beg in check ing up on the

Palest inians a n d non-Palest inians w h o

might have been in the 'f ifth c o l u m n '

(certainly any 'retal iat ions' on the

Palest inians ca r r i ed out by the state

wou ld be m u c h easier under mar t ia l law).

So it does not seem l ike ly that the w a r

was fought for the large g roup of non-

Kuwai t i s l i v i ng in Kuwai t .

Was the war , i n some twisted way,

fought for the ' l iberat ion ' of (he Iraqi

people? L iber ty in Iraq was not taken

ve ry ser iously by the US w h e n for over

twenty years it a l lowed, suppor ted and

probab ly he lped set up the bruta l Ba 'a th

regime, a r eg ime w h i c h impr i soned ,

tor tured and k i l l ed thousands of innocent

A rabs and Kurds in Iraq. A n d the

thousands of people w h o are not t rapped

in rubble , w h o are suffering f rom disease,

and w h o are be ing operated on wi thout

anaesthetic because their count ry has

been 'bombed back into the stone-age',

can hard ly feel ' l iberated' . T h e Iraqi

conscripts, w h o probab ly never wanted

the war and were b o m b e d even wh i l e

retreat ing because they we re a 'threat '

cou ld hard ly have felt that they are be ing

' l iberated' , a n d now that the US, a

country w h i c h has imposed many

dictatorships across the w o r l d , is poised

to impose yet another d ictatorship on

Iraq, it seems v e r y un l ike l y that the war

was fought for the ' l iberat ion ' of the Iraqi

people.

The Kuwa i t i nat ionals have not gained

as m u c h ' l iberat ion ' as they wou ld have

l iked , nor have the non-Kuwai t i s in

Kuwa i t , and cer ta in ly not the people of

Iraq. W h o then , was ' l iberated ' in this

war? W e l l for a start there is the ru l ing

fami ly of Kuwa i t , Israel hasn't done too

badly , and the US has cer ta in ly made

gains in this war . The war was fought so

that the Sabah fami ly cou ld have the

f reedom to exp lo i t the people in Kuwa i t

and to m a k e m ind -numb ing l y large

amounts of money , so that Israel no

longer had to deal w i th the 'threat ' of

Iraq, and now that it is once again the

strongest state i n the M idd l e East, cou ld

take ex t ra ' l iberty ' in suppress ing the

Palest inian 'threat ' , and last and by no

means least, so that the ru l i ng powers of

the US cou ld have the f reedom to explo i t

the Midd le East.

I fully c o n d e m n the invas ion of Kuwa i t

by Saddam, and whatever legit imate

rights Iraq has to Kuwa i t , invas ion and

slaughter of innocent people by a dictator

is w rong . But I w o u l d lie to m a k e an

even stronger condemnat i on of the US for

encourag ing Kuwa i t to 's tand f i rm ' and

not to negotiate w i t h Iraq on the

economic prob lems and border disputes

w h i c h led to the invas ion, wh i l e at the

same t ime g i v ing a 'green l ight ' to

Saddam to invade Kuwa i t , thereby g i v ing

a pretext for the US to destory Iraq.

Yasir Hassan, Physics 1.

Industrial Society

A r t h u r A n d e r s e n

& C o B u s i n e s s G a m e

at Head Offices W e d n e s d a y 13 M a r c h

2.00pm

£3 deposit cheque payable to ICU/SCC (returnable) send to T im Taubman, Civ Eng II for

details

LETTERS

What's O n A N UP-TO-THE-MINUTE GUIDE TO EVENTS

Southside Gym.

Intermediate Rock n' Roll

JCR.

Swimming

Sports Centre. New members always welcome.

Beginners Rock n' Roll

JCR.

WellSoc Meeting

Physics LT1. Talk by the Aetherius Society.

Water Polo

Sports Centre. Come along and try one of the

most physically demanding sports.

Latin American

JCR.

TUESDAY C .U. Prayer Meeting

Chaplain's Office

Riding Club Meeting

Southside Upper Lounge.

AudioSoc

S.C.R. for cheap records, CDs and hi fi

discounts.

Radio Modellers

Southside Lounge.

Cathsoc Mass

Mech Eng 702. Followed by lunch.

Sailing Club

Southside Lounge.

PhotoSoc

Southside Lounge. New members to join.

Radio Modellers

Student training workshop, Mech Eng.

Keep Fit

Southside Gym.

Amenesty International

Clubs Committee Room. Weekly meeting.

Wine Tasting Soc

Union Lounge. Weekly meeting. Everyone

welcome

Improvers Ballroom

JCR.

Canoe Club

Beit Quad store or 8.30pm in Southside Upper

Lounge.

Judo

Union Gym.

Ballroom Bronze Medal

JCR.

Yoga

Southside Gym.

Cricket Nils

Lords. Meet at 7.45pm in Mech Eng Foyer.

Must bring whites.

WEDNESDAY Keep Fit

Southside Gym.

Bike Club

Southside Lounge.

FBI Soc

Room 340 Huxley. Banking: free £6 buffet

lunch.

Please Eat Generously What's O n A N UP-TO-THE-MINUTE GUIDE TO EVENTS

Cycling Training

Meet at Beit Arch.

Wargames

UDH. A l l welcome.

Micro Club Meeting

Top floor NW corner Union Building. Every

week.

Kung Fu

Union Gym.

DramSoc

Union Concert Hall.

WellSoc Trip

Trip to Broadcasting House leaving from

Southside Upper Lounge.

Diving

Swimming Pool.

Shaolin System Nam Pai Chuan

Southside Gym.

Basketball Club

Volleyball Court. Women's Team

Kung Fu Club

Union Gym. Wu Shu Kwan.

THURSDAY Fencing Training

Intermediate & advanced coaching.

Balloon Club Meeting

Southside Upper Lounge.

YHA Meeting

Southside Upper Lounge.

Postgrad Lunch

Chaplains Office (10 Princes Gardens). See

West London Chaplaincy.

Fencing Training

Beginners Training.

Centra] America Week

Mech Eng 542. A talk by Tom Letchford, a

human rights worker in Guatamala.

Fencing Training

General.

Gliding Club Meeting

Aero 266. Come and arrange a trial flight. A l l

newcomers welcome.

Keep Fit 5.30pm

Southside Gym

Midweek Service

Chaplains Office (10 Prince's Gardens).

New Beginners Ballroom

JCR.

Judo

Union Gym.

Improvers Ballroom

JCR.

Intermediate Ballroom

JCR.

Southside Disco

Southside Bar.

ICCAG Soup Run

Meet Weeks Hall Basement.

A N N O U N C E M E N T S

• HAPPY Birthday Christy, love from your

twin brother.

• NICE little earner: Earn £30 on March 13.

See the Union Office for details

20

Dear Andy,

Last Fr iday ' s C & G D i n n e r and Dance

cost £85 per double t icket . A p p r o x i m a t e l y

150 couples attended. W h y not ho ld the

event e lsewhere and let the t icket pr ice

inc lude a cont r ibut ion to char i ty? I a m

sure that the 53,000 or £4,000 raised

cou ld go to a v e r y wo r thy cause, such as

feeding those w h o were s tarv ing under

ra i lway bridges, wh i l e the y o u n g turks of

C i ty and Gui lds Col lege we re stuffing

their faces?

It cou ld be argued that this event was

the students' b ig splash of the year.

Somehow though , I th ink these would-be

captains of industry are asp i r ing to ho ld

their c ompany functions at the H i l t on or

Ritz in twenty years t ime. O n c e again,

the cost of a three-course d inner w i l l be

higher than the average waitresses

week l y take-home pay.

J ohn Major 's classless society may be

chang ing but at Imperia l , the Imperial ist

ethos l ives on .

Name Withheld by Request.

• W H A T IS an M B A worth? H o w do you

get one? F i n d out on Fr iday 8th M a r c h at

12.30pm, Maths 340.

A C C O M M O D A T I O N

• S INGLE R O O M in m i x e d flat close to

Ea l ing C o m m o n tube, ava i lable f rom 18

Mar ch . N/S. £193-50 pern plus bil ls. R ing

081-992 9539 (eve) or Mary (ext 8845),

A m m a d (ext 6751/6776)

• L A R G E S I N G L E r o o m to rent in shared

house in F u l h a m . £51 p w plus bil ls.

Phone 071-385 9252. Close to tube and

shops.

• S INGLE and double r ooms avai lable in

six person Hamle t Gardens flats, rents

£53 and £49 pp p/w respect ive ly (exc

bills). Contact Warden 081-746 3205.

H A I R D R E S S E R S

15A H A R R I N G T O N R O A D ,

S O U T H K E N S I N G T O N

071-823 8968

W e have a fantastic offer for all y o u

students, a cut wash and b l o w d r y

by our top styl ist

(which norma l l y costs around £21)

F o r on l y £11 M e n £12 W o m e n

C h e c k us out !

LOST & F O U N D

• F O U N D : Wednesday 20th Feb in the

Un ion . Paisley Scarf. Contact E m m a on

ext 3621.

• LOST : B lue folder full of d i v ing slides.

Somet ime last term, Southside. If y o u

have them please re turn t h e m to the

owner . Pete Bowen , B i o c h e m 3.

FO R S A L E & W A N T E D

• F O R S A L E : R i c oh X R X . 35-70mm z o o m

lens. Exce l l ent condi t ion, hard ly used.

£150 (due to typesett ing error!) Contact

K a v e h v i a the F E L I X Office (ext 3515).

• W A N T E D : B lue and B lack Z Z R 1100

complete w i th sexy male b iker in b lack

leathers. Contact Lucy .

Imperial College Industrial Society presents

ROBERT MAXWELL His

entrepreneurial fingers are in every

pie!

Thursday 14th March E V E R Y O N E W E L C O M E

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FELIX

Our Special Correspondent and Next Year's Editor present...

Bastardword

Shan's Union Page Overrun Elections

B y now, elect ions are upon us. I w i sh al l

candidates g ood l u c k — m a y the best

m a n / w o m a n w i n .

Welfare

Last week 's wel fare campa ign was a

s torming success. M y thanks to everyone

w h o helped—especia l ly R ivers ide w h o

prov ided the materials and expert ise for

the health fair.

Accommodati on

The sale of Montpe l i e r has been put on

ice for a further mon th pend ing legal

technical i t ies. It is b e coming increas ing ly

c lear that the purchase of C layponds

cou ld prove to be one of the costliest

errors the Col lege has ever made. Whi ls t

the bedstock has increased by 400 places,

so has the res idence deficit. 1 s incere ly

hope that w h e n rent levels are set in

A p r i l , students are not asked to ba i l out

Col lege for mistakes made by ex-

employees and senior officials cove r ing

their o w n backs.

Transport

V a n insurance is now be ing handled by

Endsle igh. A l l dr ivers are r equ i r ed to fill

in a van dr ivers ' quest ionnaire . Please see

Miche l l e in the Un ion Office if you

haven't a l ready rece ived one v i a your

c lub/society.

IC ENTS PRESENT

Soul Family Sensation

Friday 8th March Free before 9.45pm

£2.50 after ' ik-Disco till 2am +Bar till lam

Ent's Bit Tonight , IC Ents b r ing y o u one of the

'best new bands a r o u n d ' — N M E . T ipped as

the next Soul II Soul/Bassomatic and

someth ing very s imi lar they make a

refreshing c ommer i ca l sound that w i l l be

ve ry b ig if it isn't a lready. It is free before

9.45pm and then £2.50 after that. There

w i l l be a disco unt i l 2am a n d a bar unt i l

Across

1. Car and fast or r isque' ac t ion is jo ined

by a sea, we hear, hav ing absolute

contro l .

6. C a n Wa l t e r mingle in i t ia l ly , is steep

sided in Wales !

7. Years and years, are juggled.

8. Odorous bee, oscil lates in water

perhaps.

10.

12. A t great height a we l c ome is heard.

13. Sounds, l i ke the male offspring of

Imperia l Col lege .

14. 50 gives he lp to support sp ina l area

and becomes re laxed.

18. A mus ic ian goes it a lone .

19. Gains in i t ia l ly and mixes up pour, for

a col lect ive unit .

21. Enc losed w i th in w i th in .

22. Po l i ceman? It br ings y o u to a halt.

23. F o r m e d meta l is able, w h e n made of

t in .

25. K i c k inside deserves re lat ive

attention.

27. Non-singular c o m p a n y has green

leaves.

28. T o w n Cr ier maybe , but not even

part ia l ly a m e m b e r of MI5.

Down

1. Johnny ' s show of creature tr icks (6,5).

2. Confused rat lowers guard , to

exper ience ha rd labour (7).

3. She is sur rounded by w o l v e n

youngsters w h o l ive next door to the

Seraphs (7).

4. V e r y c o m m o n co-writer of scientif ic

references (2).

5. A desire for an Or ienta l cur rency (3).

6. Y i t zhak was the foreign minister of

Israel, but change one letter to fit (5).

9. H o w y o u are wear ing it w h e n your

size and washabi l i t y hangs under your

ch in .

11. N o w descr ib ing somebody habitual ly

d isp lay ing h u m o u r by short spasms of the

d iaphragm and glottis. 12. T h e y do this

d o w n in the deep south, occas iona l ly

whi lst weeding.

15. C l in ica l l y a bit hot under the col lar .

16. Wha t y o u don't get by be ing a

scientist!

17. Some w o m e n can have this on their

heads, or y o u can eat it.

20. Co l l oqu ia l of Greek Nicho las , juggled

to produce a porc ine ejaculat ion.

24. Au f deutsch wohe m a n n auf dem

lokale geht.

26. Geographica l l y in Co rnwa l l , w i th

reference to the aurora .

l a m . Note: on l y people w h o use the

event w i l l be a l l owed to use the bar

extension. Other events w e have this

t e rm include:

Mar 15—Blow Up/Dodgy

Mar 22nd—Levitation/Catherine

Wheel/Paris Smith

Editorial It's been a bit of an interest ing week. The

ICU Hustings at St Mary ' s was, by a l l

accounts, someth ing of an event. A s 1

wr i te the ' in house ' hustings are tak ing

place in the J C R . M y life has been fraught

w i t h disasters, cu lm ina t ing in a rather

sever (as anyone there c ou ld te l l you)

d r ink ing session last night, in w h i c h I

made full use of the midnight bar

extens ion. Thank fu l l y I 'm feel ing m u c h

better today, ma in l y due to some serious

th ink ing at about 4.00 a m this morn ing .

There have also been some rather

wonder fu l things go ing on that have

come to m y attention...

Bankers. Big, stupid, ugly bankers

Here 's a bit of fun. See if y o u can w o r k

out the bank 's reasoning i n the fo l lowing

si tuat ion: A student at Imper ia l has two

overdrafts. O n e is w i th Natwest (the

b r a n c h i n college), and o n e w i t h Barc lays

(his home branch) . Bo th of the overdrafts

are large (the Barc lays one just under

£2000, the Natwest rough ly twice that).

The student gets a full grant, his parent

cannot afford to give h im a n y more

money , and has no savings or income of

any other k i n d , other than that w h i c h he

earns by w o r k i n g dur ing t e rm t ime or

hol idays (although hol idays are someth ing

of a p rob l em, as he l ives in the country ,

and doesn't drive) .

W i t h debts of this size he realises that

he real ly shou ld be a good boy and not

make them any larger. Thus , be ing an

opt imist ic type, he decides to l ive on his

grant (ho, ho, ho). A t this po int in the

year he's not do ing so bad ly . H e hasn't

used his bank accounts at a l l , and has

sent a letter to both banks, exp la in ing

that he has t h r o w n his cheque-book

away, and w i l l be pay ing back as m u c h

as he can o ve r the summer . Seem fair

enough?

Then , i n their infinite w i s d o m (?),

Barc lays dec ide to ask the student for

their money . O n l y they do it by sending

h im a court summons . So the student

r ings the bank, to exp la in the situation.

Then , guess what? The bank says 'It's out

of our hands, y ou ' l l have to speak to the

sol icitors ' . So the student r ings the

sol ic i tors, and exp la ins the s i tuat ion (ie he

has no money) . Guess What? The

sol icitors say 'There 's no th ing we can do.

W e have to t ry to get the money for our

cl ient ' . 'But ' says the student 'I have no

money ' . Guess what? The solicitors say

there's no th ing they can do. If the student

can't raise just under £2000 in 30 days,

it's go ing to court .

N o w perhaps I'm miss ing something,

but the w a y I see it, £2000 is not a huge

amount of m o n e y in terms of what y o u

can actual ly b u y w i t h it. I have friends

back at home w h o are 18, and have

about £30000 w o r t h of debt in the form

of credit and mortgages. T h e average

start ing wage of an IC graduate is a r ound

£15000. A l s o , if the student doesn't have

the money , what ' s the po int in sueing?

W h y not wait un t i l the student graduates,

and get back the two grand, plus interest,

and save al l the hassle and point less court

cases? O r am I miss ing something? The

other th ing is that the overdraft wasn't

even unauthor ised ! The bank let the

student have the money ! F r o m al l

accounts, they didn't even k i ck up m u c h

of a fuss!

More money matters

Here 's some more fun. Col lege

A c c o m m o d a t i o n ! W h y can't Imperia l get

the hang of it? The col lege is be ing run i n

a more and more business-l ike manner .

New directors are be ing appo inted almost

week ly , and be ing pa id large (ie a lot

more than two grand) amounts of money

to do whateve r they do (?).

But is accommoda t i on be ing run wel l?

The rent in Southside is £47 a week at

the moment . Next year it w i l l be go ing

up to £50. Ye t i n m y first year (two years

ago), it was on l y £45. A n d I seem to

remember be ing assured that it wou ld be

frozen for three years. H m m m . There are

other col leges in L o n d o n w h i c h o w n

residences on C r o m w e l l Road , and charge

on ly £20-30 a week.

The a c commoda t i on office apparent ly

has large debts to pay off. But w h y do

they have b i g debts anyway? I admit that

things can go w r o n g in business, but

there comes a point w h e n y o u have to

wonde r how m u c h is bad luck , and how

m u c h is bad management?

Now, to top it off, they 're charg ing

students full rent to leave their stuff in

their rooms ove r the Easter hol idays! The

reason for this appears to be to get the

students out of hal l , as the conference

lett ing has apparent ly been over

subscr ibed by about 2 0 % . But the best

th ing is that they ' re do ing it to students

w h o l ive in hal ls that aren't even be ing

used for the let t ing scheme. A N D the

decis ion was apparent l y made wi thout

consul t ing A N Y of the people that should

have been. H o , ho, ho, what a great bit

of fun! Wha t a pi le of sme l l y stuff that

y o u wouldn ' t want to be i n , more l ike .

Credits

Printing and Typesetting: A n d y and

Rose

News Editor : A n n a

Arts Editor : A d a m T

Books Editor : M i chae l

Music Editor : J ohn

Photo Editor : R i cha rd

Features Editor : Ro l and

The Gang: Stef, James, Ian, Jont i , Nigel ,

and al l the rev iewers .

The Collators: A l l the stalwarts, and

anybody else that turns up.

F e l i x is p r o d u c e d f o r a n d o n b e h a l f o f t h e I m p e r i a l C o l l e g e

U n i o n P u b l i c a t i o n s B o a r d a n d is p r i n t e d b y t h e I m p e r i a l

C o l l e g e U n i o n P r i n t U n i t , P r i n c e C o n s o r t R o a d , L o n d o n S W 7

2 B B ( T e l 0 7 1 - 2 2 5 8 6 7 2 ) . E d i t o r : A n d r e w B u t c h e r . M a n a g e r :

C h r i s S t a p l e t o n , B u s i n e s s M a n a g e r : J e r e m y B u r n e l l . C o p y r i g h t

F e l i x 1 9 9 1 . I S S N 1 0 4 0 * 7 1 1 .

The Easter Felix is c om ing to t o w n on Wednesday 20th

M a r c h and it's go ing to be a biggie.

Because of this there is no Fe l i x next F r i ­

day; g i v ing us t ime for produc t i on of the

end of t e rm whopper. To a l l those w h o

w i sh to m a k e a cont r ibut ion see us

ASAP. . . l i ke by Monday luncht ime OooKay .

Af ter d is tr ibut ion on Wednesday m o r n i n g

there is go ing to be a b i g G e r m a n style

breakfast, so anybody whose going to jo in

us had better tel l me about it soon. It's go­

i n g to be one h e l l of a Freebie!

PS V O T E ! 23

N

Exercise your rights over the choice of next year's sabbaticals. Get out and vote!

Democracy Time Elections

B y now, elect ions are upon us. I w i sh al l

candidates good l u c k — m a y the best

m a n / w o m a n w i n .

Welfare

Last week 's wel fare campa ign was a

s torming success. M y thanks to everyone

w h o he lped—espec ia l ly R ivers ide w h o

prov ided the materials and expert ise for

the health fair.

Accommodati on

The sale of Montpe l i e r has been put on

ice for a further mon th pend ing legal

technical i t ies. It is b e com i ng increas ing ly

c lear that the purchase of C layponds

cou ld prove to be one of the costliest

errors the Col lege has ever made. Whi ls t

the bedstock has increased by 400 places,

so has the res idence deficit. I s incere ly

hope that w h e n rent levels are set in

A p r i l , students are not asked to ba i l out

Col lege for mistakes made by ex-

employees and senior officials cove r ing

their o w n backs .

Transport

V a n insurance is now be ing handled by

Ends le igh . A l l dr ivers are requ i r ed to fill

in a van dr i ve rs ' quest ionnaire . Please see

Miche l l e in the Un i on Office if y o u

haven't a l ready rece ived one v i a your

c lub/society .

How to Vote

A t Imperia l w e operate a system cal led

Single Transferable Vote .

Candidates are listed in alphabet ica l

order on the ballot slips. O n e slip per

post.

Y o u place a ' 1 ' against the candidate of

your first preference; a '2 ' for the second

and cont inue up to the number of

candidates inc lud ing New Elec t ion . Y o u

must start the sequence w i t h a '1 ' , no

number can appear more than once, it

must be consecut ive and no other mark

can appear on the paper (marks inc lude

ticks and crosses). Y o u can transfer your

vote to as m a n y or as few candidates as

y o u wish .

Vo t ing takes place in each department

plus c o m m o n areas and are identi f ied by

a ballot box and a person m a n n i n g it.

W h e n y o u go to vote y o u w i l l need to

produce your Un i on card w h i c h w i l l be

punched . Y o u w i l l be g i ven your vo t ing

slips plus a sl ip we are us ing to determine

w h o is vot ing. If y o u do put other marks

on the paper, it w i l l not be inc luded in

the count, so please ask for a

replacement f o rm from the person

m a n n i n g the box .

Please vote as your vote counts and it

is your U n i o n .

R E M E M B E R Y O U R U N I O N C A R D !

The fo l lowing are va l i d papers

Candidate A

Candidate B 1

Candidate C X

New Elect ion 3

Candidate A

Candidate B

New E lec t i on I

Candidate A t

New E lec t i on I

The fo l lowing are inva l i d papers:

Candidate A

Candidate B y

Candidate C

New E lec t ion

Candidate A

Candidate B

New E lec t i on

Candidate A •+ ^/kKlK£g.

New Elec t ion i

Benjamin Turner's DP Shit Bit 1. Finance

U n i o n F inance Commit tee has de l iberated

over next year 's budget. I might b r ing

this budget to the fo r thcoming U G M , so

that we can a l l see what our m o n e y w i l l

be spent on .

2. Security & Events

Last Fr iday 's Internat ional Night p roved

to be so popular that difficulties in

organisat ion and security were

exper ienced. This al l adds further weight

to m y prev ious arguments that ICU

IMPERIAL C O L L E G E

E X P L O R A T I O N B O A R D

1990 P R E S E N T A T I O N

13th March, 2pm

Read Lecture Theatre

A review of al l of last year's expeditions. Anyone interested is

welcome to attend—particularly those who are thinking of organising an

expedit ion next year.

requires an Events Manager , to

coordinate events and introduce ongo ing

adv ice and professional ism to add to the

enthusiasm of the student groups that

organise the events.

3. Promotions

Someth ing else that an Events Manager

cou ld get their teeth into; the Un i on now

has loads of potent ia l for a greatly

increased Ents p rog ramme, we just need

the ideas for promot ions a n d forms of

advert is ing—got any suggestions, come

into the U n i o n Office and talk to Mandy

Hur fo rd (Union Manager ) o r myself .

4. Academic Affairs

The A c a d e m i c Affairs Hal f -Day was a

reasonable success, w i t h about thir ty

student academic representat ives turn ing

up to discuss topica l issues, and to listen

to some of the Rector 's v i ews on these.

5. Developments

What do y o u th ink we cou ld do to the

J C R to turn it into a place that the

average student identifies as be ing part of

the Un i on , a r o o m that any student group

can book out for functions, discos, etc?

6. Interviewing for Union Staff

Been invo l v ed in lots of these, w i th more

to come.