APRIL 1988 4884 Constitution Suite 1-C Baton Rouge, La. 70808 924-Q029 (24 hours)

THE HISTORY OF TGIM AFG

The TGIM Al-Anon Family Group (yes, that means Thank God I t ' s Monday) has comea long way since a few members got together and decided there was a need for a meet-ing in that area of Baton Rouge. A couple of these people had been attending the Mon-day night meeting at Un iversity Methodist Church on Dalrymple Drive and, with the .-advent of Baton Rouge ' s f i rs t inpatient treatment center, that meeting was growingso fas t that people were frequently being seated outside in the hallway.

St. George Catholic Church on Siegen Lane was contacted and o f f e r ed us space.There were times when we met in school library, which at that time was j u s t an unusedextra classroom and there were a few meetings in the teacher1s lounge before thechurch f inal ly sett led us into a T-building known as the music room. When our human-ness and imperfection surfaced and we begun to complain about something concerningour facilities, we can always get into gratitude when we consider those early daysin that location. The reality was that when it was a hot night, it was always at leastten degrees hotter in that building and when it was cold, at least ten degrees colder.There was a window air-conditioning unit but it seldom did much to change the temp-erature in the room and, besides, we had to choose between trying to cool or heat usand hearing what was being said because it put out more noise than air. Also, wewould have to shoo the roaches out when we f i r s t entered and hope that they wouldconcede us the space for the hour or so that we were there.

Because of our location, we had begun as the St. George AFG and maintained thatidentity for several years. In the summer of 1982, a f t e r the church had moved itso f f i ce into a new administrat ion building, we asked for space in the old o f f i ce whichwas converted into a youth center. We really fe l t like we had made a step up in ourfaci l i t ies because there we had a kitchen, running water and a bathroom plus much im-proved temperature control. Shortly af ter that a motion was made and we voted tochange our name to TGIM. The youth center was our home for over four years and whenthe church wanted our space for boy scout meetings on Monday night, they asked us ifwe would move into the lovely school library where we are currently meeting everyMonday night at 7:30.

Getting a new group going frequently is d i f f i cu l t . It takes at least a couple ofvery dedicated, patient and understanding members to keep things glued together untilit f inal ly "takes". TGIM has always met without an AA group meeting simultaneously inanother room (except for about a three month period back in our early history) andthere were many nights when there were only 2-4 people at our meetings. But, somewhere

History of TGIM AFC cont.along the line, we voted to become a step meeting and the membership and the recoveryboth blossomed. Because of what we at the time felt was redundancy a few years ago,we changed our format for about nine months. One night a member spoke up and said shehad become stagnant without the benefit of studing the steps on a weekly basis. An-other vote brought us back to what we are todayj a step meeting every Monday, exceptthe first Monday of the month. From those small beginnings, we now have anywhere from20-35 people at all our meetings.

Our membership knows the growth that comes from sharing and "giving back" in ser-vice work. We are represented well at local and assembly meetings and many have serv-ed on the AIS and/or Area Assembly levels. Along with our study of the steps, we readboth the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions at all our meetings and have a treasurer's reportgiven weekly so that the group can stay aware of our finances and channel the moniescollected to where it can do the most good through the AIS, Area Assembly and the WSOon a regular basis. Occasionally, we take up a second collection to help with specialevents like DSAC or the annual Louisiana Conference.

Many People have attended our meetings and did not come back, some have moved onto meetings that were more convenient for them either time-wise or geographically (ormaybe they did not like us like we loved them) and then there was one who was withus, in her loving, giving and wonderful self, until God called her home. Those of uswho knew her will be eternally grateful for her presence in our lives and at our meet-ings.

Last fall we decided to have the first celebration of ou birthday. We do not knowthe exact date of our first meeting but reserved the first Monday in November to haveou annual eating meeting and will celebrate our 10 birthday this year.

We have come to love our meetings, each other and our God through this beautifulfellowship and we invite you to come visit us or join with us and experience for your-self the "Al-Anon Spirit" that is alive and well at TGIM.

Whenever I start thinking about the benefits of this program ,on sharing them with anewcomer.I know that I start sounding evangelical! I want so much for others to reach out,grab hold and receive all of the wonderful bonuses with which I am blessed.

Over the past 7^ yrs» I have (very slowly & with much stubborness) become willing tostop blaming an unhappy childhood in an alcoholic home for all of my faults. I have made adecision to accept responsibility for my behavior and know that I can change only my ownbehavior. I have wasted so much time & energy in the past immobilized by fear, consumed byanger i resentments ful l of "what if s & if only's". Today I know that God & I can handleanything that happens in this 24 hr. period & that is all I need bother with!

I have found freedom to be me and to be o.k. "just being me". I have found choices &options. I now choose how to live my life. I have become an actor the star in my own play,rather than a puppet being pulled around by all of the strings attached to my loved ones andto my old faulty beliefs. I also choose to release my family members to be the stars intheir own plays and I do not direct.

I have found a family that loves me unconditionally. When I am happy, sad, lazy, crazy,etc., my Alanons jus t keep on loving me, accepting me as I am sharing their strength, hope,& experience. And last & most importantly I have found a Higher Power that is with me 24 hrs.a day. A loving caring gentle Higher Power from whom I don't have to hide when I make amistake. I t ' s o.k. now to be vulnerable, to be wrong, to be sacred to say "I can't handle thisso I am giving it to you" and to know it will come out jus t as its supposed to. My prayeris that all of the people in pain from this disease will find the courage to reach out andaccept the gift of recovery that caome thru the working of the 12 steps of Al-Anon.

Diana C.

Af te r over a decade in this program, I was reminded the other night at a meeting thatno matter how long you have been around, willingness is still the key to working our program.Am I wil l ing to go to any length to have the serenity the program o f fe r s? Am I wil l ing to (frythe suggestions I hear at meetings? Am I wi l l ing to have a sponsor and use her the way the

program suggest? Am I willing to trust God to work out ray problems and do for me what I cannot do for myse l f ? Am I wil l ing to commit to attending meetings on a regular basis and toworking the steps in all my a f f a i r s ? If I am willing to do all these things, the rewards Ireceive are immeasurable. It dosen ' t mean I won ' t ever have problems or heartache, but itdoes mean that with God' s help and the help of this program and friends in the program I canbetter deal with what ever l i fe o f fe r s me.

Betty F.It 's 2:30 p.m. and I am working in the AIS of f ice today. My home group (TGIM) had been

asked to write for the "Caterpillar" & the deadline was last Monday night at our meeting toturn in our "writings". When I got to the meeting it suddenly dawned on me what I had beenasked to do & I had forgotten.

On the desk lies a folder with "TGIM" on it. I opened it & there were the articles thatso many of my friends had written and also a history of our meeting. After reading these I jus thad to write & express ray gratitude for the friends I have made at TGIM. It was over 7 years agothat I attended my frist meeting at that location. My husband & I were here temporarily & myl i fe was miserable & lonely in the midst of active alcoholism I went to a few meetings & oneTuesday morning af ter a Monday night meeting that I missed, the phone rang & it was one of themembers (Pat) telling me she missed me at the meeting. I was so unbelieveably happy that some-one in this strange town cared enough to call me. We went back to Houston for a few months &then came back to B. R. for good. Needless to say I went back to TGIM & it has been my homegroup ever since. The love, understanding, empathy & yes - even being told what I haven'twanted to hear about myself will stay with me forever.P. S. My friend gave me her husband's card and I gave it to my husband. One day he called him&went to his first Baton Rouge AA meeting with him things don't happen by accident in thisfellowship. Thank You, GodI

Edie D.

I've learned when I'm asked to share, I must first start with how I'm feeling. Today myoverwhelming feeling is gratitude. Gratitude for the program, the steps that are my roadway toserenity and my sponsor and friends in the program who are there to show me the path they took.My home groups-(Ihave two-one is a step meeting and the other is an AGOA) are essential to re-covery. At meetings I get and give experience, strength, hope and unconditional love. Groupmembers are like the family I always wanted-they love me when I'm incapable of loving myself.

My earliest memory while growing up in an alcoholic family was "this too shall pass".I put my energy into getting out and creating a different l ife for myself and "I would be fine".None of this would ever happen to me.

In my quest for this perfect life, I put on a mask and let it be known that'I was "fine,thank you". When things went wrong, I worked harder, tried new relationships, jobs, friends andself help books. I was always "tap dancing", buzzing around, going, doing and achieving. WhenI stopped, my mind raced about what I should be doing to solve the world 's problems. I rarelyrested, was never content and was exhausted.

The world saw me as a sucess. In spite of the alcoholic father, my mother dying when Iwas 9, being raised in an orphanage, I worked my way thru college, received many honors, marriedwell , had two healthy beautiful children, and received all of the social and professional rewards,I ever dreamed of.

None of this was thj2 answer. When these things and people fa i led to make me happy, I wouldtry harder. How restless I was, how unpredictable, nothing and no one could make me happy.

I came into Al Anon because of my daughter's alcoholism. I was doing it for her. Itwasn' t until ACOA that I reached my real bottom and saw, I was suffering from the effects ofalcoholism long before she was born. Today I know I can have serenity regardless of the problemsthat surround me. THANK YOU AL ANON.

Faye G. TGIM

When I f irst came to Al Anon, quite a few years ago, I was woefully ignorant aboutalcoholism. I didn' t even know that it is a disease. One of the first and greatest gifts that II received was this knowledge. I read the wonderful pamplets avidly and things begin to makesense which formerly were only cause for despair and frustration.

It was only a short time after my introduction to Al Anon that I enjoyed the greatblessing of my husband becoming sober. We celebrate our 37th wedding anniversary this monthand for this I am truly grateful.

Not all problems went away however, when he got sober. We have had many years of seriousproblems concerning our youngest son. Al Anon has helped me immeasureably in dealing with this

situation.The second great gift which came at the start,and which goes on indefinitely, is that of

SHAPINGS CONT.being in a fellowship of people who really understand. No matter how dear our other friends mightbe, there is nothing to compare with that sense of identification and empathy which we experiencein Al Anon.

Lastly, let me put in a l i t t le plug for service work which I have found fulf i l l ing. Foranyone who hasn't gotten into it yet, I hope you' l l try it. You ' l l like it.

JanetI have been in Al Anon about 6 years. I learn something from every meeting. At first, I

learned about the disease and how other people dealt with active alcoholism. It was a shock tof ind out that I was sick also and that I needed to change. Slowly, I learned to mind my ownbusiness and to have a much more positive attitude. Simple to say, but so hard to do! I wasdelighted to have to learn about how to live with sobriety and yet I learned also that sobrietyis not the magic solution to all of l ifes problems.

Some days are good and some are bad, but the good far outnumber the bad and I havelearned to appreciate them thanks to Al Anon.

Janie.- Af.

The gifts I have received since I became a member of Alanon are changing my life. Today,I have a growing relationship with God, who accepts and loves me just the way I am and only wantsme to love and trust Him. I have a happy and loving relationship with my children. I have acircle of friends that I care about and who care about me. I have a program of twelve steps tofollow that are teaching me how to live and function in all areas of my life. I am learningto know who I am. the good and bad of me, and am willing to have God remove my short-comingsas He sees fit. And, I have a fellowship of men and women who share both my joys and sorrowsat meetings that are available on a daily basis.

It hasn't always been like this. When I first started attending Alanon, I was so fu l l ofabsolute despair, hopelessness and loneliness that I was barely functional. I remember littleof my first year—I cried most of the way through most meetings. Though I didn't learn a quickfix to the problem of alcoholism, I kept going back because I knew those people really under-stood and it felt so good when someone put their arms around me and urged me to come back.

At that time I believed all alcoholics were derelicts lying on street corners and thatalcoholism was hopeless and fatal. My husband had committed suicide in 1972 and I know thatdrinking had played a major part in his death. I knew that my children and I were' in constantpain and confusion, but I believed it was because I was such a bad person and mother and justcouldn't make things right. Our situation seemed absolutely hopeless.

After the intervention and treatment of my youngest son, one by one ray other threechildren confronted their pain and dependency on alcohol and went through treatment and joinedA.A. and I went through co-dependency treatment. I had heard people talk about recovery andI finally started believing that our family was not hopeless after all. I started believing thatit was possible for contentment and even happiness for us.

With the gift of hope, I really went to work with the program. I use every available tool,read everything I can find, attend as many meetings as possible, talk with people, listen andlearn. I watch people laughing and talking and see a serenity about them that I know I want.I've been fortunate to find lots of quality role-models. I've often heard that when the pupilis ready, God will send the teacher. Four year ago, by accident, I attended my first AlanonAdult Children of Alcoholics meeting. Today I know that was no Accident - I was right whereI needed to bej

By that time, I had been Alanon for three years and I could see the recovery in my lifeand in the lives of my family. The outside was looking good, but my insides were still full offears and anxieties that I couldn" t identify. At that meeting, I heard someone sharing and itwas as if she were expressing what I was feeling. The relief I felt was enormous. I had thoughtI was an "Alanon failure"! Gradually, I've been able to make progress*in freeing myself of free-floating responsibility, guilt and years of shame. I'm learning how to love and appreciate myselfand to accept love from others as a gift.

With support, I 'm learning to take responsibility for my felings and make changes in myattitude and actions. I 'm even learning to laugh at myself a little bit. I 'm not well yet, butI sure am better.

I think of the members of Alanon and A.A. as my extended family and feel so fortunateto be blessed so profoundly. Thanks, fellowship, for loving both my family and me back to life.

Barbara W.PLEASE COME BACK

The December issue of the Forum contains an article entitled "Back To Basics" written by along time Al Anon member. Reading this article helped me to feel less alone. I am so tired of hearhearing terms such as co-dependent, co-alcoholic, chemically dependent and dysfunctional family,that I sometimes want to run from the meeting. When I speak to others who came to Al Anon prior

to the addition of psychological terms and talk of treatment, we are almost all in accord withour feelings. Most of the "Oldtimers" that I have met (usually not at Al Anon) have stopped at-tending meetings. They continue to work their individual programs at home but tend to feel use-less at meetings.

My most frustrating experience at an Al Anon meeting was the time that there was so muchtalk about intervention and "when we were in treatment" that a relative newcomer questionedwhether she belonged at the Al Anon meeting since she had not been to treatment. If that i6 themessage that is being sent, we have drifted a long way from the twelve step recovery program, andthe simple sharing of strength, hope and experience that is Al Anon,

In 1977 when I became a member of Al Anon, it was a simple program. If my l ife was unman-ageable as the result of living with an alcoholic, there was hope for recovery. By attendingmeetings, getting a sponsor and working the 12 steps I could be restored to sanity. My orginalhome group had members who had come to Al Anon more than 20 years before me. There was much laugh-ter and happiness and recovery whether, the alcoholic was drinking or sober. The lady who chairedthe very first meeting that I attended had been in the fellowship for 13 years. She had a lookof serenity on her face and her blue eyes had a starlike twinkle. She was truly at peace and re-covering from the effects of this dread disease. She also was living with an active alcholic andhad been for the past 28 years. Her husband Frank was well on his way to an ugly alcoholic death.None of this hampered her recovery, she had learned to detach with love and that impressed me. Icould find recovery in spite of my surroundings. It kept me coming back and still does.

I have received so many benefits from the Al Anon 12 step program and from sharing the ex-perience of those who came before me, that I feel an obligation to those who follow to pass onwhat was given to me so freely. I would like to make a plea for the "Oldtimers" to come back tomeetings and for the meetings to return to the basics.

Unsigned

Thank you T.G.IWe appreciate these sharings from this growing in Al-Anon group. If your group

wants to be included in one issue of the "Caterpillar", please let us know.

SlogansLet Go and Let God

Everyday there are decisions to be made and problems to be solved. When you notice irritations growing into tensions, tenions into near-panic, and old fears returning, this is time tostop and turn to God. You can do nothing anyway, and you will find that if you supply the will,ingness He will supply the power.

First Things FirstMany of our confusions and frustrations are due to our failure to deal with tasks and pro-

blems in the order of their importance. It does take discipline to put aside the things we 'drather do, and attend to those of f irst importance FIRST. But the rewards are great: we getthings done, we enjoy a sense of accomplishment, and we learn to face issues with a real senseof value and purpose. Taken from

Alcoholism the Family Disease

D ate:

S tarts:

A t:

C ost :

D - S A C 88

Will »oon be here . . .

Deep South Alateen Conference

April 29, 1988 - May 1, 1988

3:00 P . M .

Tall Tijnber«..Bapti«t Conference CenterForest Hil ls , Loulaiana (Map to follow)

Where Alateens, Al-Anons and A A ' s cow^* togetherfor a love filled weekend - if you've never beenyou're mining a great experience; and if you'veattended 1 knov you'll be back

Registration foru will be out soon, if you needfurther Information, contact:

Appx. $38.00 -after 43.00 -

registration before 4/15until deadline