We recently realized here at Polocrosse Extreme that it has been over a year since we produced an edition of Horseplay and that saddened us. We love writing it and you (well, some of you) loved reading it! Guy Robertson assures us he is a big fan!

So we decided to bring it back but we decided to not just bring it back, we would make it bigger and better than before! We would have new articles, a new look and we might even stray outside the world of polocrosse (shock horror)

So we hope you enjoy reading it. We hope that we will be able to get an edition out every three months or so (but no promises!)

Any comments, praise or complaints please feel free to send them to horseplay@hotmail.co.uk

Likewise if you have any good news for us, good photos or any good ideas for articles then please send them in!

I T ’ S BEEN A WHILE. . .

LATEST POLOCROSSE NEWS (RUMOURS)

Kent „s Ozfest continues

It seems likely that Kent Target will bring in a number of Australian players to play in their A grade team for the coming season. In 2007 the exceptional talents of Todd Weston and Jamie Grimmond helped them lift the National A Grade title. Islay Young and Chris Dunlop couldn’t bring about the same result last year but it seems likely Chris Dunlop will return in 2010. Their other confirmed Australian imports are 21 year old Dan Rohan from Kilkivan and 18 year old Sarah Finlayson from New South Wales. Islay Young was also threatening to return last season so that could mean a whole heap of Ozzies in Kent! Who said the recession was affecting the international transfer market!

Rick is back, back again, again? Rumours are circulating that Rick Murray could return to the UK next season after two seasons in New Zealand. It is not clear who he will play for, he could possibly play for the Highlanders or Crusaders again or maybe he will come up with another new name! The Raiders? The Avengers? The New Avengers? Who knows! The options are endless!

Inside this issue:

News (Rumours) 1

Save a fox, hunt a...

3

Dream Team 4

That’s a silly thing to do on a horse!

5

The big interview 6

Film section 7

What does the UKPA stand for?

8

A Polocrosse Extreme Publ icat ion

HORSEPLAY MARCH 2010

ISSUE 8

POLOCROSSE NEWS (RUMOURS)

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New clubs appear in the UKPA.

2010 has got off to a great start with the appearance of three new clubs in the UKPA and also the Cotswold club looking like they will starting running out teams again in the coming season.

The three new clubs are the Canterbury Colts who have formed in east Kent, the Berkshire polocrosse club who are based in Winkfield in Berkshire and the One Shot club in Norfolk . The Colts consist mainly of ex Kent Target players and have said they will be working with Kent closely to field teams and grow the sport in the east of the county.

The Berkshire club has been established by Lesley Drinn, a South African, who has connections with Neil and Karen Smith of Vale Impi.

One Shot (and we don’t know what that name means either so answers on a postcard please!) has been formed by the legendary Bev “Tigga” Gough up at her base in Norfolk. So once again no polocrosse dance floor will be safe! Though she has said as it is their first season they won’t be at many tournaments so maybe there will still be a few restrained parties...

Cotswold, meanwhile, look like they will be a far stronger club than in recent years, with Dan Duhig and Jono Keen returning to the club of their childhood from Arden and Highlanders respectively. With Hamish Michael heading back to Zimbabwe (see the Big Interview on page 6) it is rumoured that some more of the Arden A graders could join them there.

Ever since the ban on fox hunting people have looked for ingenious ways to keep hunting. Some moved to drag hunting, some used dogs to flush and then shot the foxes, some even used eagles to track the fox. Here at Horseplay we feel its not the style of hunting that needs changing but the quarry! Having studied the legislation in great detail we feel there are certain loopholes that may allow us to hunt certain mammals as they do not necessarily fit into any of the categories included in the act. During this series of articles we will cover certain animals which may well be fair game.

Now given the problems that terrorists have been causing lately we feel they must represent fair game.

The American and British armies have been chasing terrorists around Afghanistan for the last few years but we are confident that a well organised hunt could do better.

Afghanistan is a good hunting country and has a plentiful supply of horses to ride upon. However, the hounds you should use should not be standard foxhounds. The best bet is to go to your local bomb disposal unit and borrow some of their sniffer dogs as it is a fairly safe bet that your average terrorist stinks of a combination of gunpowder, detonators and liquid explosives.

The other advantage of using bomb disposal sniffer dogs is that they have their own body armour which is very important as terrorists invariably have guns and don’t particularly like being chased by dogs! Therefore, it is also wise for all the huntsmen and hunt followers also wear body armour.

Now obviously there are different grades of terrorists and the big game hunters amongst you will, of course, want to go after the biggest game of all, Osama Bin Laden.

Osama is believed to either be hiding in Pakistan or Afghanistan. Popular myth is that he is living in a cave in the mountains,. Now we are not sure if this is true but in case it is it might worthwhile taking along some of those goat riding huntsman we mentioned when discussing Grinch Hunting (Horseplay—The Christmas Edition—Issue 6)

Some people like to gain a good wall trophy out of hunting and we would be the first to admit that Osama’s perhaps isn’t the most attractive wall hanging, (unless you have a beard fetish). So if you fancy a slightly more attractive trophy then you could go after Osama’s niece, Wafah Dufour, who recently did some rather attractive modeling for GQ magazine. It might be a bit harsh as she changed her named after 9/11 and has stated that she never met him. Still we are sure some of you could turn a blind eye to that in order to have her on your bed..we mean wall…

SAVE A FOX, HUNT A. . . TERRORIST !

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A dog gets ready to hunt, complete with a walkie talkie. Maybe the wrong kind of walkies...

A man riding a goat! We just couldn’t resist using this picture twice!

Surprisingly attractive genes in the Bin laden family!

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DREAM TEAM

This month we have decided to go for a man who really can produce magic on the field, Gandalf the Grey (or was that the White, we can never remember!) When he isn‟t busy changing colours and putting down evil wizards, Gandalf enjoys nothing more than a good game of polocrosse with his friends (normally his friends are people who are vertically challenged or have strange shaped ears, we think he just hangs out with them to

make himself feel better!)

Most happy astride: His faithful mount Shadowfax, who he continues to ride without any tack, the big show off! (still, it means he avoids the problem of

tack cleaning)

Most famous for: His famous catchphrase “Thou shalt not pass” whenever he is playing number 3. It was funny for a while but now it is getting a bit

boring...

Gandalf aboard Shadowfax; “My word, that‟s a big stick you have there Gandalf” said Frodo Baggins...

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Many thanks Darwin Awards from providing the details of this story. If you want to read more tragic, and yet amusing, stories go to www.darwinawards.com The following tragic story occurred on the 8

th March 2000 and took place in Nevada, USA. On

that fateful Thursday afternoon, 29-year-old Andrea was working with her young and spirited Arabian horse, which she had won in a lottery the previous year. The animal was only partially trained, and still a bit spooky. Every time Andrea tried to don its bridle, the horse threw back its head and frustrated her efforts.

Then Andrea had the brilliant idea of tying a rope around the Arabian's head, and fastening the other end around her waist to keep the horse from throwing its head back. That way, she would have both hands free to fasten the bridle.

But horses are 500 times stronger than people, according to Deputy Sheriff Lance Modispacher. He reported that the horse spooked while the rope was attached, threw Andrea off her feet, and began running around its paddock, dragging its erstwhile trainer along with it. This would have not have been a huge problem but she had made the rope very short, in order to allow her to reach the horse's head. This meant that she was being dragged along under the horse's front hooves

Her father noticed the commotion and ran to help. Unfortunately his two dogs came with him, and started chasing the horse, nipping at its heels. This did not improve Andrea's situation. He finally managed to lock the dogs away and fetch a knife from the house. With the help of a neighbour, he managed to capture the horse and cut the rope.

But Andrea had already spent ten minutes under the hooves of her horse, and she died a few hours later at a local hospital, a victim of internal injuries and head trauma.

THAT’S A SILLY THING TO DO ON A HORSE!

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Alex Bull helps us with a re enactment of the accident. We didn’t actually ask him to dress up as girl. Come to think of it, we didn’t actually ask him to do a re enactment...

H O R S E P L AY I S S UE 8

The BIG Interview When we heard the news that Hamish Michael, the star of both Arden and UK sides over recent years was heading back to his home of Zimbabwe we were sad, we thought about starting a petition demanding he stay but then the inner journalist kicked in and instead we demanded an interview (plus we heard Greg Sargeant had already started a petition of his own...)

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Q: So Hamish you are leaving us and heading home to Zimbabwe, why?

A: I've been over in the UK now for coming up on 10 years, and considering I only came over to do some travelling, well suffice to say I've always intended on going back to Zim, and now that things seem to have settled there recently, I figured it was about time to leave Never Never land, and well Peter Pan will never be back!

Q: Does your departure have anything to do with the World Cup next year? Do you think you have more chance of getting in the Zimbabwe team than the UK one?

A: The world cup has no bearing on my leaving in the least, as far as getting in the Zim team goes, that's way out there, of course if they asked me I wouldn't say no. It's no secret that my not getting into the UK quad side was both a disappointment, and somewhat of a surprise, if I'm honest, but hey these things happen!

Q: Were you annoyed though to be left out of the UK team for the quadrangular tour in 2008 and the limited opportunities

you got to play against the Aussies and the South Africans in the last couple of years?

A: Definitely, and there was just a little controversy there too, should I have been more vocal? Who's to say, they picked the team they did, though who they is, that's the mystery! As far as the SA and Australia tests go, it's tough for a foreign coach to come in two weeks prior to a test match and pick a side. What I will say is if we were the team travelling, surely you'd pick your best players and put them on the best horses, why then when it's a home series do we not do that?

Q: Despite being left out of the quadrangular tour will you

remember playing for the UK fondly?

A: Absolutely, I have some great memories of the UK, it has been a great privilege to play over here, and to represent the UK, and big thanks to all involved who helped me to enjoy it as much as I did.

Q: Why do you think the UK coaches choose to play you less than some other players? A lot of people felt that you should have been given more chances against SA and Australia, after you played well in the last World cup. I heard a rumour the Aussies were glad that they didn’t have to face you more?

A: Perhaps they didn't rate my horses, or me for that matter, of course against Australia I had Elsa and got to ride Snip as well which was awesome. As far as SA goes unfortunately I had to have Elsa put down the week before, which was a huge blow as she was going so well, so I'm not entirely sure. Though knowing that the Aussies said that is a huge lift to ones confidence.

Hamish at his recent leaving do, (sorry Zimbabwe, 10

years over here seems to have had a bad effect!

Photo courtesy of Pip Russell, a excellent photographer

if you like all your photos on the slant..luckily we do!

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Q: It won’t be the same without you on the pitch for Arden. How do you think they will cope? Especially as they have also lost Danny Duhig this year.

A: I think there are going to be quite a few changes at Arden this year, but Arden being the club they are, I have no doubt will continue on.

Q: What is your best memory of polocrosse over here in the UK?

A: Phew that's a tough one, but I'd have to say Arden last season winning the tournament, Best player and best horse.

Q: And your best memory of polocrosse anywhere in the world?

A: Without a doubt the victory against New Zealand to get into the final at the world cup in 2007.

Q: Also how do you think the girls in the UK will cope without you around? You have dated some of the most attractive women in the world of polocrosse over the years!

A: (Hamish laughs) No doubt they will all sleep easier, or at least their parents might.

Q: Is there any chance of you returning or this time are you going home for good?

A: Never say never, but I'm hoping when I do come back it'll just be for a holiday.

Hamish, as someone who has watched you play for quite a few years now and has been amazed at some of the ridiculous

moves you have produced on the pitch, can I just say it has been an honour and a pleasure to watch and I, for one, will definitely miss you on and off the pitch! I wish you all the best in Zimbabwe and hopefully (depending on the budgetary constraints of Polocrosse Extreme) we might make it over to cover the Zim open this year so maybe see you and catch up with you there!

The Film Section The BIG Interview

Continued

By our own South African import, Mike “Spider” Boyd,

This month he reviews the simply titled “Horses”….

“I prefer that movie to any Hollywood blockbuster!” an audience member exclaimed on the way out of the auditorium at the Institute of Contemporary Arts last Thursday, where the premiere of new documentary Horses, directed by seasoned documentary Director Liz Mermin, has just played to a sold-out house. I’m not sure I would agree with that sentiment, but it must be remembered that these are horsey people (apparently that is a real word, I am told, after being asked a number of times if I was horsey or not). Focusing on three racing horses in Ireland over a typical year, Horses, explores the various fundamentals of their existence, and the preparation taken when entering for these races. The film succeeds in defining each horse within its own character and personality, and how each approaches and performs in each race taken. However, (and again I say this as a non-horsey person) it is the personalities of the owners and keepers of the horses that actually shines through. Coming across as endearing country-men, albeit quirky and potty-mouthed, they also care a great deal for the horses and walk a fine line between this love and the racing business in which they are involved. The structure of the film is a little hap-hazard and in a way, every race looks like the other. The only thing that changes is the horse involved. By looking at the significance of the races, and perhaps add a little drama to what winning a race means, the film would be more interesting to outsiders. Perhaps this is the underlying fault of the film as a whole: not very much happens. There is no dramatic element. While aesthetically pleasing – and the film is very well shot – it also is a thin attempt to disguise the fact that there is no story to these horses. Their lives continue, and while I was told that often racing horses are shot when they become useless, there was no hint of this aspect of racing life. It’s almost as if the filmmaker didn’t want to reveal any dark side, which resulted in the film ultimately having no edge. Other techniques, such as the low-key, abstract music, don’t add any value to the film, but rather come across as noise. The film had potential, and would have been better if more had happened to the horses. But, I say this all as a non-horsey person and certainly the film did not cater for a viewer such as myself (perhaps another underlying flaw?) However, many people seemed to love the film – which will be shown on BBC Storyville in March (times and dates to be confirmed), for all those who want to see it.

For more from the film loving arachnid go to www.michaeljboyd.co.uk

Now the tile of this article might be slightly misleading as this is not an article questioning the morals and beliefs of the United Kingdom Polocrosse Association. In fact it is not about the UK Polocrosse Association at all. Instead we thought it would be interesting to discover what else the acronym UKPA stands for and each month report to you on one of these groups. So the first one we have decided to cover is the United Kingdom Pantomime Alliance!

The stated aims of UK Pantomime Alliance are to encourage and promote amateur pantomime in the UK (and beyond if need be). They say they will be a 'virtual' organisation linking groups through the world wide web and that they intend to act as a focus for groups to interchange ideas and information and to promote pantomime to a wider audience.

The group was set up in 2002 and their website www.pantomime-alliance.co.uk has various sections on it, from news and forthcoming events to listing of pantomime groups and a history of pantomime. Did you know that original play to have pantomime in its title was staged in 1717. No you didn’t!

One of the most distinctive things in modern day pantomime is, of course, the idea of cross dressing and so we thought we would let you see a couple of potential pantomime stars from the polocrosse world. Enjoy!

WHAT DOES THE UKPA S TAND FOR….

Hamish Michael of Arden—he is the one on the left , it is a good disguise but we think that maybe a closer shave is needed next time

Alex Bull at the launch of Highlanders own strip club, Peppermint Hippos, strangely it wasn’t that successful...

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