A Strength-Based Approach to Parenting: Developing the Character

Traits for Children to Thrive

Presenter Wayne Hammond, Ph.D.

www.resiliencyinitiatives.ca

Parent & Trustee Forum – Jan. 29th, 2013 Creating Success for All Students: With a Focus on Well Being, Resilience and Life

Skills to Deal with Bullying

According to a recent CNN Survey: • Most parents agree that it is much more

difficult to raise children to be ”good people” than it was 20 years ago

• Two out three parents feel they are doing a “worse job” than they should

• Seventy-five percent report trying to do things differently, but not sure if they are being effective

• Many focus on needing to protect their children, but feel the task is overwhelming and that the world is becoming increasingly unsafe

Our Response

• Risk focused • Fearful/Anxious • Overly protective • Overly involved • Overly cautious • Frustrated • Pessimistic

“ If we think our children are fragile and broken, they will live a fragile, broken life. If we believe they are strong

and wise, they will live with enthusiasm and courage.

The way we parent our children strongly influences

the way they will live.”

What Is Our Goal? Not to raise perfect children who have no worries and to safeguard them from every

possible loss, heartache, and danger.

Rather, our goal should be to raise strong children who can handle the bumps and

bruises that the world inevitably has in store for them.

The goal is resilience, not invulnerability.

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Albert Einstein defined “insanity” as doing the same

thing over and over, but expecting different results.

The Resilient Child

Definition of Resiliency “… an ability to spring

back and adapt to life’s challenges

… an attitude of hope and optimism.”

Youth Resiliency Model

Resiliency And Risk N = 60,000

Resiliency and Bullying

Resiliency and Pro-Social N = 60,000

Patterns of Resilience

(Under Stress and over Time) St

reng

ths a

nd

Opp

ortu

nitie

s

Options

Early Years 1

Teenage Years 3

Middle Years 2

Resilience 2: Enhanced

Resilience 1: Overwhelmed

Stressors

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Core Character Traits • Social Connectedness – Having a strong network

of supportive, healthy relationships. • Managing Ambiguity – An ability to successfully

cope with and navigate through experiences that are unclear and/or uncertain.

• Adaptability – An ability to change or modify

one’s approach to better fit the situation.commitment

• Persistence – An ability to work through challenges and demonstrate

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Agency and Responsibility – The ability to understand and take action according to prevailing social expectations and/or one’s commitments.

Moral Directedness – Focusing attention and acting in

ways that are virtuous. Strength Based Aptitude – Having a clear understanding of

important strengths and how to consciously utilize them in day-to-day life.

Emotional Competence – An ability to accurately identify, understand, self-manage and express emotions in constructive ways.

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Un-Predictable Coping

Skills

Knowledge

Impoverished Core

Competencies

20 Resiliency Initiatives © 2010

A Strength-Based Perspective

Skills

Knowledge

Transformational Relationships

Resilience and Core Character

Traits

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“Stacking the Deck” Against Risk

The idea is to collaboratively work to create an “ecology” around

children and youth that makes it increasingly difficult for certain high risk problems to survive.

W. Hammond

Strengths-Based Parenting

Strengths-Based Parenting 1. Turn problems into learning opportunities

(Please coach me. Don’t scold me)

2. Provide firm and caring relationships – be empathetic

(A person like me really needs a parent – but, learn to walk in my shoes)

3. Learn to change your scripts and increase dosages of nurturance.

(I need to believe you really care)

4. Don’t crowd – Accept “me” for who I am.

(When you get too close, I will back away for a while) 24

5. Use the back door

(If you help me to do something important to me, you are important to me.)

6. Decode the meaning of behaviour

(I try to hide what I really think.)

7. Be authoritative, not authoritarian.

(Don’t control me, Help me to control myself)

8. Model respect and compassion.

(Your values help to build mine.)

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9. Enlist your child to help others

(I change when I see the value in others.)

10. Touch in small ways

(I watch little things you do to discover who you are.)

11. Give seeds time to grow.

(Please be patient with me – I’m still growing.)

12. Connect your child to cultural and spiritual roots

(I need to know that there is a purpose for my life.)

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Mindset of a Resilient Child • Feel special and appreciated • Have learned to set realistic goals and expectations • Rely on productive coping strategies that are

growth-fostering rather than self-defeating • View obstacles as challenges to confront – not avoid • Are aware of their weaknesses and vulnerabilities,

but build on strengths • Strong self-esteem and sense of competence • Have effective interpersonal skills and can seek out

assistance and nurturance • Know what they can and cannot control in their

lives

HELP OUR CHILDREN SURVIVE?

OUTCOME FOCUSED - Continue to concentrate our energy on changing their behavior and world around the youth

OR

HELP THEM THRIVE?

PROCESS FOCUSED - Nurturing their capacity to navigate challenging situations and meet their needs in constructive

ways

THE CHALLENGE