ACADEMIC WRITING I

May 2, 2014

Announcement

Assignment 3 final draft deadline changed

New deadline:

Wednesday May 7 (11:59 pm)

Today

Descriptive Writing

Consider this situation

You want to convince a foreign visitor that Haeundae beach is a great place to visit.

How does this sound?

“Haeundae is a fun place. It is beautiful and big. There are many people.”

Does Haeundae sound like a great place to visit?

Source: busanhaps.com

Source: www.flickr.com

Source: members.virtualtourist.com

Descriptive Writing

Tells a story about a specific thing (object, person, place)

- Appeals to the senses: sights, sounds, smells, taste, feel

A good description is a “word picture”

- The reader can imagine the object/person/place in his or her mind.

- “Shows” more than it tells.

Descriptive Paragraph: ExampleSubject: clown doll

On my dresser is a toy clown on a unicycle- a gift I got last Christmasfrom a friend. The clown’s yarn haircovers its ears. The blue eyes are outlinedin black with eye lashes coming fromthe brows. It has red cheeks, nose, andlips and its smile disappears into the ruffle around its neck. The clown wearsa nylon costume. The left side of the outfit is blue, and the right side is red.The two colors join in a line down the centerof the outfit. Around its ankles, and covering its shoes are pink bows. The whitespokes on the wheels of the unicycle gatherin the center and go to the tire so the wheel looks like the inner half of a grapefruit. The modelis 24 centimeters tall. As a gift from my friend Tran,I see this figure every time I enter my room.

Descriptive Paragraph: Example

This description is OK.

- It gives the reader an idea about the clown, but it is lacking in descriptive style.

Descriptive Style

Descriptive writing requires:

- Specific details

- Adjectives:size, color, shape, texture, smell, purpose,

personality, location, etc.

- Sensations and emotions.

Descriptive Paragraph: ExampleSubject: clown doll

On my dresser is a toy clown on a unicycle- a gift I got last Christmasfrom a friend. The clown’s yarn haircovers its ears. The blue eyes are outlinedin black with eye lashes coming fromthe brows. It has red cheeks, nose, andlips and its smile disappears into the ruffle around its neck. The clown wearsa nylon costume. The left side of the outfit is blue, and the right side is red.The two colors join in a line down the centerof the outfit. Around its ankles, and covering its shoes are pink bows. The whitespokes on the wheels of the unicycle gatherin the center and go to the tire so the wheel looks like the inner half of a grapefruit. The modelis 24 centimeters tall. As a gift from my friend Tran,I see this figure every time I enter my room.

Descriptive Paragraph: Example

Before: On my dresser is a toy clown on a unicycle- a gift I got last Christmas from a friend.

Descriptive Paragraph: Example

Before: On my dresser is a toy clown on a unicycle- a gift I got last Christmas from a friend.

Improved: On one corner of my dresser sits a smiling toy clown on a tiny unicycle--a gift I received last Christmas from a close friend.

Descriptive Paragraph: Example

Before: The clown’s yarn hair covers its ears. The blue eyes are outlined in black with eye lashes coming fromthe brows.

Descriptive Paragraph: Example

Before: The clown’s yarn hair covers its ears. The blue eyes are outlined in black with eye lashes coming fromthe brows.

Improved: The clown's short yellow hair, made of yarn, covers its ears but is parted above the eyes. The blue eyes are outlined in black with thin, dark lashes flowing from the brows.

Descriptive Paragraph: Example

Before: It has red cheeks, nose, and lips and its smile disappears into the ruffle around its neck.

Descriptive Paragraph: Example

Before: It has red cheeks, nose, and lips and its smile disappears into the ruffle around its neck.

Improved: It has cherry-red cheeks, nose, and lips, and its broad grin disappears into the wide, white ruffle around its neck.

Descriptive Paragraph: Example

Before: The clown wears a nylon costume. The left side of the outfit is blue, and the right side is red. The two colors join in a line down the center of the outfit.

Descriptive Paragraph: Example

Before: The clown wears a nylon costume. The left side of the outfit is blue, and the right side is red. The two colors join in a line down the center of the outfit.

Improved: The clown wears a fluffy, two-tone nylon costume. The left side of the outfit is light blue, and the right side is red. The two colors merge in a dark line that runs down the center of the small outfit.

Descriptive Paragraph: Example

Before: Around its ankles, and covering its shoes are pink bows.

Descriptive Paragraph: Example

Before: Around its ankles, and covering its shoes are pink bows.

Improved: Surrounding its ankles and disguising its long black shoes are big pink bows.

Descriptive Paragraph: Example

Before: The white spokes on the wheels of the unicycle gather in the center and go to the tire so the wheel looks like the inner half of a grapefruit.

Descriptive Paragraph: Example

Before: The white spokes on the wheels of the unicycle gather in the center and go to the tire so the wheel looks like the inner half of a grapefruit.

Improved: The white spokes on the wheels of the unicycle gather in the center and expand to the black tire so that the wheel somewhat resembles the inner half of a grapefruit.

Descriptive Paragraph: Example

Before: The model is 24 centimeters tall. As a gift from my friend Tran, I see this figure every time I enter my room.

Descriptive Paragraph: Example

Before: The model is 24 centimeters tall. As a gift from my friend Tran, I see this figure every time I enter my room.

Improved: The clown and unicycle together stand about 24 centimeters high. As a cherished gift from my good friend Tran, this colorful figure greets me with a smile every time I enter my room.

Now, how about Haeundae?

Source: busanhaps.com

Source: busanhaps.com

Journal Entry 6- Write a descriptive paragraph about Haeundae Beach.

- Deadline: Thursday May 8 (4:15 pm)

Descriptive Writing

Tells a story about a specific thing (object, person, place)

- Appeals to the senses: sights, sounds, smells, taste, feel

A good description is a “word picture”

- The reader can imagine the object/person/place in his or her mind.

- “Shows” more than it tells.

Descriptive writing has a “direction”

Descriptive Style

Descriptive writing requires:

- Specific details

- Adjectives:size, color, shape, texture, smell, purpose,

personality, location, etc.

- Descriptive “action verbs”

Try to avoid “be” verbs.

- Sensations and emotions.

Descriptive StyleAvoiding “be verb + adjective”

i.e.,

The food was unappetizing.

The pale chicken slices floated limply in a pool of murky fat.

The sprinkler was refreshing.

The cool water from the sprinkler sprayed our hot faces.

Descriptive Style

The tree is very tall.

Improved:

- The tree stretches toward the sky.

- The tree's branches reach far upwards.

- The tree brushes the clouds.

Source: klick.wordpress.com

Descriptive Style

The blanket is colorful.

Improved:

- Rich colors decorate the blanket.

- Deep hues of red, green, and orange cover the blanket.

Source: www.sarasews.net 

Descriptive Style

Almond bong bong ice cream is delicious.

Improved:

- The wonderful taste of almond bong bong lingers on the tongue long after it is gone.

- Almond bong bong tastes of sweet cream, soft chocolate, and crunchy almonds.

Source: www.baskinrobbins.co.kr

Descriptive Style

Snakes are scary.

Improved:

- Snakes strike fear into my heart.

- Snakes, quiet and cunning, frighten Tony as though they were real-life monsters.

Source: www.animaldanger.com

Descriptive Style

When she was young, Jiho was happy when she visited Woobang Land.

Improved:

- When she was young, visiting Woobang Land brought joy and excitement to Jiho.

Source: klick.wordpress.com