Allusions of Silver Team

I WAS THINKING AB OUT HOW I WAS GOING TO TEACH MY STUDENTS ALLUSION, WHEN SUDDENLY AN IDEA HIT ME L IKE A BLAST

FROM THE GUN OF OPTIMUS PRIME HIMSELF: I WOULD TEACH ALLUSION BY WRITING A SHORT STORY F ILLED WITH

THEM. TOP THAT, SOCRATES!

SO I STARTED TYPING UP THE SHEET WHEN SUDDENLY I GOT STUCK – LIKE

AUGUSTUS GLOOP IN THE PIPE. I JUST COULDN’T THINK OF A SINGLE

ALLUSION. I USUALLY HAVE THE MIDAS TOUCH WHEN IT COMES TO

THESE KINDS OF STORIES, BUT THIS TIME, THE WELL OF INSPIRATION WAS

AS EMPTY AS A THEATER SHOWING DADDY DAY CAMP (OH THE HORROR,

THE HORROR!)

I BECAME AHAB, OBSESSED WITH F INDING AN ALLUSION. I ASKED MY HUSBAND, BUT HE ONLY SAID, “ I ’LL ONLY GIVE YOU ONE

FOR THE LOW PRICE OF ONE MEEEELLLION DOLLARS. DEAL OR NO DEAL?” I ’VE NEVER SEEN ANYONE WHO WAS SUCH A SCROOGE

WITH HIS ALLUSIONS.

W I T H TH E S P E E D O F A S E E KE R D U R I N G A QU I D D I T C H G A M E , I C A L L E D A NO T H E R ON E OF M Y C O L LE A G U E S, E V E N TH OU G H TA L K I N G T O

H I M I S A B OU T A S P L E A S A NT A S G I V I N G JA B B A T H E H U TT A S P O NG E B ATH . H E FA NC I E S

H I M S E L F A S S O M E A L L - P O W E R F U L O Z , B U T H E ’ S U S UA L LY J U S T F U L L O F S O U N D A ND F U RY.

WHEN I ASKED HIM FOR AN ALLUSION, HE REPLIED TESTILY, “YOU WANT THE TRUTH ABOUT

ALLUSIONS? YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH ABOUT ALLUSIONS!” I

HAD TO HANG UP, THINKING TO MYSELF THAT I SHOULD HAVE

BEEN A PAIR OF RAGGED CLAWS, SCUTTLING ACROSS THE FLOORS

OF SILENT SEAS.

WANTING TO REMOVE THIS ALBATROSS FROM AROUND MY

NECK, I CALLED ANOTHER TEACHER AND ASKED FOR HELP. WHEN I TOLD HIM I WANTED TO

WRITE A STORY FILLED WITH ALLUSIONS, HE SAID, “HEY, NOT A BAD IDEA! DO YOU MIND IF I USE

YOUR ALLUSION, TOO?”

NOW HE’S GOING TO COME UP WITH HIS OWN ALLUSION STORY! I COULDN’T

BELIEVE HE COULD BE SUCH A JUDAS! “ET TU, BRUTE!” I MUTTERED THEN

HUNG UP THE PHONE.

FINALLY FEELING THIS ATLAS -LIKE BURDEN WEIGHING DOWN ON ME, I

SIMPLY SAT DOWN AT MY COMPUTER AND TYPED: “COMING UP WITH AN ALLUSION IS HARDER THAN SNAGGING THE GOLDEN

FLEECE FROM JASON, THE PRINCE OF DENMARK.”