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April 17, 2019 Volume 13, Issue 15
Amusing Stories • Jokes • Puzzles • TriviaCommunity Events and Coupons
Distribution on the 1st & 3rd Wednesday of each monthFor Advertising: Michelle Brokop (815)751-1286 Email: [email protected]
If you are age 7 - 107. . . Enjoy Your FREE Copy Of The Orange Peel Gazette
Download your FREE copy today at: www.OrangePeelGazetteKaneCo.com
FREETAKE ONE
KANE & KENDALL COUNTIESOORANGERANGE PPEELEEL GGAZETTEAZETTE
Mulch SpecialistsFast, Accurate Service
46w640 Big Timber Rd • Hampshire
Visit us online at
847-683-1013
www.BeansFarm.com
WEBER GRILLS IN STOCK!
Take $30 OFFAny 6-30 Yard Order
Coupon Code BM30
Put your wheel barrows away and let BrownMulch.comtake all the “work” out of your yard work and mulching.
Chicagoland’s Premier Mulch Processor & Supplier
• Lawn & Bed Edging• Shrub & Brush Pruning• Professional Mulch Installation
1-888-70-MULCH(1-888-706-8524)
Take $60 OFFAny 31-60 Yard Order
Coupon Code BM60
AcceptingE SCrAP
• Aluminum • Brass • Copper • Stainless Steel • Steel • Iron• Insulated Wire • Batteries • Aluminum Cans• Siding 336 East Sullivan •Aurora
M - F 7:30 - 4:30Sat 7:00 - 12:30
STATE CERTIFIED SCALESCONTAINER & TRUCKING SERVICES
TOP CASH PAID
forFerrous &
Non-Ferrous Metals
Ecology Tech Inc
630-844-3344www.ssmetalrecyclers2.com
1 Block E. of Rt 25 on Sullivan
Since 1988
Taco Bar
Available
Full ServiceFood TruckAvailable
PIG ROAST & BBQ CATERING630-276-3725630-276-3725
Puerco Rostizado
Para todo evantos social
Shh... Dont tell... I Lied on my Weight Watchers List.I put down that I had three Eggs...
but they were Cadbury Chocolate Eggs!
Where does a bunny go if you give him a pair of socks?
Answer on page 13
FOR ADVERTISING, CALL MICHELLE AT (815)751-1286
ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESCHECK OUT OUR WEBSITE... WWW.ORANGEPEELGAZETTEKANECO.COM • PAGE 2
630-262-8484 • servicenowhomeservices.com
Expires 5/31/19Exp 5/31/19
Exp 5/31/19
Exp 5/31/19
WE’REHIRINGSchaumburg, IL1025 National Parkway, Schaumburg, IL 60173
Cintas Corporation is an EEO/Affirmative Action Employer and will make all employment-related decisions without regard to race, color, religion, sex, sexual orientation, gender identity, national origin, disability or protected veteran status.
careers.cintas.com
#cintascareers
• Competitive pay• 401(k), profit sharing and employee stock ownership• Comprehensive benefits (medical, dental, vision)
• Limitless opportunities
Production & Service Positions
Hot-Headed Golfer A hot-headed golfer with a penchant for breaking
clubs was playing one day when he came to the 16thhole, where he faced an approach shot across a ravine. He said to his caddie, "What kind of distance do we
have, son?" The caddie replied, "About 135, sir." "My 6 iron, please," said the hothead. His caddie replied, "It's going to have to be either a
3 iron or 3 wood, sir. That's all that's left in the bag!"
Movie Impatience We went to the movies the other night. I sat in an
aisle seat as I usually do because it feels a littleroomier. Just as the feature was about to start, a personfrom the center of the row got up and started workingtheir way across. "Excuse me, sorry, oops, excuse me, pardon me,
gotta hurry, oops, excuse me." By the time the person got to me I was trying to see
the screen and I was a little impatient so I said, "Couldn't you have done this a little earlier?" "No!!" was the loud whisper, "The TURN OFF
YOUR CELL PHONE PLEASE message just flashedup on the screen and mine is out in the car."
TELL OUR ADVERTISERS, “I SAW YOU IN THE ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE.”
ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESGREAT RATES - GREAT RESULTS - CALL TODAY! (815)751-1286 • PAGE 3
Painted Shut?
Weights Dropped?
(847)697-1974
Call Mark
WINDOWROPER R
opes Torn?Pu
lley’
s S
tuck
?
www.reelprovideo.com
REEL PRO VIDEOREEL PRO VIDEORestoring your past to preserve the future
630-879-8900
Photos? Home Movies? Slides?
TRANSFER TO DVD
111 N. Main Street
Federally Licensed Firearm Dealer • Transfers with Ease
We Buy & Sell FirearmsSafe • Discreet • Convenient • Fair
Free Appraisals
Route 47 • Elburn • www.kanecountycoins.com
Kane County Coins
630-365-9700630-365-9700Inherited an old gun &
not sure what to do with it . . Let Us Help!
Angela DavisNMLS# 138342 | IL
630-248-6078www.ModernDayMortgage.com
Caliber Home Loans and any above mentioned companies are not affiliated. Caliber Home Loans, Inc., 1525 S. Belt Line Rd, Coppell, TX 75019. NMLS ID#15622 (http://www.nmlsconsumeraccess.org/EntityDetails.aspx/COMPANY/15622). 1-800-401-6587. Copyright © 2019. AllRights Reserved. Equal Housing Lender. This is not an offer to enter into an agreement. Not all customers will qualify. Information, rates, and programs are subject to change without prior notice. All products are subject to credit and property approval. Not all products areavailable in all states or for all dollar amounts. If you are refinancing your existing loan, your total finance charges may be higher over the life of the loan. Other restrictions and limitations apply. NMLS ID #15622 (www.nmlsconsumeraccess.org).
Looking for a New Home? I can help.
Angela DavisNMLS# 138342 | IL
630-248-6078www.ModernDayMortgage.com
Caliber Home Loans and any above mentioned companies are not affiliated. Caliber Home Loans, Inc., 1525 S. Belt Line Rd, Coppell, TX 75019. NMLS ID#15622 (http://www.nmlsconsumeraccess.org/EntityDetails.aspx/COMPANY/15622). 1-800-401-6587. Copyright © 2019. AllRights Reserved. Equal Housing Lender. This is not an offer to enter into an agreement. Not all customers will qualify. Information, rates, and programs are subject to change without prior notice. All products are subject to credit and property approval. Not all products areavailable in all states or for all dollar amounts. If you are refinancing your existing loan, your total finance charges may be higher over the life of the loan. Other restrictions and limitations apply. NMLS ID #15622 (www.nmlsconsumeraccess.org).
Angela DavisNMLS# 138342 I IL630-248-6078
www.ModernDayMortgage.com
Angela DavisNMLS# 138342 | IL
630-248-6078www.ModernDayMortgage.com
Caliber Home Loans and any above mentioned companies are not affiliated. Caliber Home Loans, Inc., 1525 S. Belt Line Rd, Coppell, TX 75019. NMLS ID#15622 (http://www.nmlsconsumeraccess.org/EntityDetails.aspx/COMPANY/15622). 1-800-401-6587. Copyright © 2019. AllRights Reserved. Equal Housing Lender. This is not an offer to enter into an agreement. Not all customers will qualify. Information, rates, and programs are subject to change without prior notice. All products are subject to credit and property approval. Not all products areavailable in all states or for all dollar amounts. If you are refinancing your existing loan, your total finance charges may be higher over the life of the loan. Other restrictions and limitations apply. NMLS ID #15622 (www.nmlsconsumeraccess.org).
17 years Experience
CURTISTOWING INC.
WE PAY CASHON THE SPO
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WE BUY JUNK CARS WE BUY JUNK CARS FOR CASHFOR CASH
Any Condition • Running or Not • No Title - No ProblemAny Condition • Running or Not • No Title - No ProblemWe Come to You • Free Towing • Same Day Pick-upWe Come to You • Free Towing • Same Day Pick-up
(630)817-3577(630)817-3577
CCUURRTTIISS
Naperville www.CurtisTowingAndSalvage.com Aurora
Sandwich Sportsman’s ClubEaster Buffet Breakfast
April 21 • 8-11 amAll you can eat • $8.00
Save the Date • May 19, 2019Sportsman’s Swap Meet at Sandwich Sportsman’s Club
1011 Hartman Trail, Sandwich, IL(near Sandwich Fairgrounds) Doors open at 8am
Anyone can sell. Clean out your garage. Buy new/used fishing, camping, shooting equip.
Call 630-473-0233 for a seller’s tableRaffles, Food, Fun
Slow Leak The right front tire on my car had a slow leak. I
took it to the shop where I bought the tire, and theypromptly removed the wheel and immersed it in a bigtub of soapy water. This showed the leak was in acracked wheel rim rather than the tire. I drove to the dealership for a new wheel rim, and
they asked,"Which wheel?" I replied, "The clean one!"
Galaxies The New York Times, among other papers, recently
published a new Hubble Space Telescope photographof distant galaxies colliding. Of course, astronomers have had pictures of
colliding galaxies for quite some time now, but withthe vastly improved resolution provided by the HubbleSpace Telescope, you can actually see the lawyersrushing to the scene.
Golf Ransom Marvin found the following ransom note slipped
under his front door: "Bring $50,000 to the 17th holeof your country club tomorrow at 10:00 a.m. if youever want to see your wife alive again." But it was well after one o'clock by the time he
arrived at the designated meeting spot. A masked man stepped from behind a bush and
demanded, "You're three hours late. What took you solong?" "Give me a break!" said Marvin, pointing to his
scorecard. "I'm a 27 handicap.
ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESLike us on Facebook for past issues & more fun stories...OrangePeelGazetteKaneCo • PAGE 4
TELL OUR ADVERTISERS, “I SAW YOU IN THE ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE.”
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Are You Thinking of a Building for 2019?Think Pinno Buildings!
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www.SycamoreSpeedway.com
FRIDAY - - TIME TRIALS AT 7PMSATURDAY - - TIME TRAILS AT 6:30PM
RACING TO FOLLOW
For Event Details, Visit
Remember Me? One evening, two girlfriends and I went to a
nightclub, only to find the place packed with youngpeople. At 40, we felt old, but before we could make adignified exit, a tall, handsome man approached us. "Perhaps we were being a little hasty in leaving," I
thought. Then with a big smile, the man extended his hand to
one of my friends and said, "Hello. Remember me?You were my third grade teacher."
Helping a Bum A woman was chatting with her next-door neighbor.
"I feel really good today. I started out this morningwith an act of unselfish generosity. I gave a five dollarbill to a bum." "You gave a bum five whole dollars? That's a lot of
money to just give away. What did you husband sayabout it?" "Oh, he thought it was the proper thing to do. He
said, 'Thanks.'"
Report Card Father to son after exam: "Let me see your report
card." Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare
his parents."
Q: How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to screw it almost all the way in and theother to give it a surprising twist at the end.
1-800-TEC-CITY1-800-TEC-CITY
• Automotive - Import & Domestic• Heavy Duty Industrial• Agricultural Equipment• Construction Equipment• High Amp Alternators• Hot-Rods & Classic Cars• Recreational Vehicles• Lawn Equipment• Motorcycles • Snow Plows• Race Cars
M.A.R.S, Inc.Starters • Alternators • Generators
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www.ClaessonCarpetCleaning.comInsured/Bonded • Elburn, IL • Family Owned/Operated
Residential - Commercial
Serving Kane & DeKalb counties for over 24 years!
Yes, we can CLEAN that for you! Carpet • Furniture • Area Rugs
Water in the Basement
ClaessonCarpet Cleaning
Easter is right around the corner
(630) 365-2099
Life is
Short,SmilewhileYou Still Have
TEETH
FOR ADVERTISING, CALL MICHELLE AT (815)751-1286
ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESGREAT RATES - GREAT RESULTS - CALL TODAY! (815)751-1286 • PAGE 5
35 Unique ShopsUnder One RoofHOURS: Tues - Sat 10-5Thurs 10-8, Sunday 11-5701 N. State St. (Rt 31) Elgin, IL 60123
1 mile S. of I-90 (847)695-3066www.StateStreetMarketShops.com
Enjoy the day at theLARGEST
GIFT & ANTIQUEShop in The Fox Valley
On th_ Fl[m\_[u Riv_r15 mil_s W. of Fifi_l^, WI off Hwy 70
• Bar • Restaurant• Cabin Rentals • Shower House
• Canoe Rentals • Shuttle Service• ATV/Snowmobile Trail Access
WE SELL NON-ETHANOLPREMIUM GASOLINE
(715) 762-4786 • 6275 N Oxbo Dr • Park Falls, WI RESORT www.theoxboresort.com
People & Pet PORTRAITS
Bob Kapheim 630-915-1736
Just $30
Contact artist forprices on other
mediums and sizes
8 X 10 COLORPENCIL PORTRAITSPeople • Pets • Houses • CarsFREE white 11 x 14 mat.
email photo [email protected]
www.bobsart71.com
Glass Repair and Replacement
• Foggy or cracked glass replacement• Broken window and door repair
www.ClassicGlassAndGlazing.com
Classic Glass and Glazing 224-228-1000
Healthy Competition The shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new
business much like his own opened up next door anderected a huge sign which read ... BEST DEALS. He was horrified when another competitor opened
up on his right, and announced its arrival with an evenlarger sign, reading ... LOWEST PRICES. The shopkeeper was panicked, until he got an idea.
He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop. It read... MAIN ENTRANCE.
MENSA Convention MENSA is an organization whose members have an
IQ of 140 or higher. A few years ago, there was aMENSA Convention in San Francisco and severalmembers lunched at a local cafe. While dining, they discovered that their salt shaker
contained pepper and their pepper shaker was full ofsalt. How could they swap the contents of the bottleswithout spilling and using only the implements athand? Clearly, this was a job for MENSA! The group debated and presented ideas and finally
came up with a brilliant solution involving a napkin, astraw and an empty saucer. They called the waitressover to dazzle her with their solution. "Ma'am," they said, "we couldn't help but notice
that the pepper shaker contains salt and the saltshaker..." "Oh," the waitress interrupted. "Sorry about that."
So she unscrewed the caps of both and switched them.
What Don't You Have? An elderly man went to the doctor for
a visit. "Doc," he says, "I am so stricken.I have chest pains, headaches, backpains, nausea, arthritis, constipation,stomach cramps, ear-aches, burning inthe eyes, congested lungs....." "Sir," says the doctor, "you complain
you have so many things ... what DON'Tyou have?" The man answers, "Teeth."
Advertise your Summer Specials in the Orange Peel Gazette
Call Michelle (815)751-1286
DOWN1. Federally Licensed _____ dealer2. 500 Band _____ for sale3. Agricultural & _____4. www.authority_____.com7. Pig Roast & BBQ _____8. www.valley_____.com
The Orange Peel Gazette is distributed by over 400 businesses throughoutKane & Kendall Counties including various...
ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESCHECK OUT OUR WEBSITE... WWW.ORANGEPEELGAZETTEKANECO.COM • PAGE 6
www.waiglobal.com
s
AGRICULTURAL & INDUSTRIALSTARTERS• ALTERNATORS • DC MOTORS
815-756-9019 1-800-832-2489
M.A.R.S., Inc.Starters - AlternatorsStarters - Alternators
GeneratorsGenerators
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(630)892-0344OTTO SCHULZ - Owner
1157 S. Lake Street - Montgomerywww.TheExhaustWorks.com
BrAKE SPECIAL$50 OFF
4 WHEELS or
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Expires 5/31/19
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purchase over$200
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ACROSS4. Sandwich _____ Club5. _____ Repair, Replacement or Lining6. Full Service _____ Salon8. Panthers Youth _____ & Cheer9. Restoring your past to ____ the future10. _____ Antique Motors
All Answers Can Be Found Throughout The Ads
Appearing In This Issue Of The ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE
ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESCHECK OUT OUR WEBSITE... WWW.ORANGEPEELGAZETTEKANECO.COM • PAGE 7
THANK THE BUSINESS WHERE YOU PICKED UP THE ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE
Marie DeMaria, Real Estate Broker1772 S. Randall Rd • Ste 100 • Geneva, IL
630-567-3300
I work hard for you!
EXCELSTrimming • Pruning
Stumps Removed Firewood • Brush Removal
Storm Damage(815)756-4411
TREE SERVICE
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No Job Too Small
We are Open 6 Days a Week for Your ConvenienceCall for more information (847)531-8185
Mon-Thurs 7am - 6pm • Fri 7am - 4pm • Sat 8am - 3pm
Earn Over $400 This Monthby Donating Plasma!!
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Phone: 847-531-8185 Located Just North of Big Timber Road
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• No Need for an AppointmentWalk-ins are Welcome
•Additional Bonuses for Students IDs and Frequency
www.ChicagoInstrumentExchange.com
24 yearsin business
W_ S_ll R_fur\ish_^ B[n^ Instrum_ntsB[n^ Instrum_nts
Buy • S_ll • Tr[^_Exp_]t @ffor^[\l_ Pri]_s on qu[lity Instrum_nts
in]lu^ing Trump_ts, Trom\on_s, Cl[rin_ts [n^ Flut_s.
17 North River St • Batavia, IL
(630)879-2815 Instrum_ntEx]h[ng_
500 B[n^ Instrum_nts For S[l_• Emerson Flute $100 • Armstrong Flute $200• Bundy Flute $200• Gemeinhardt Flute $200
• King Trombone $125• Jupiter Trigger Trombone $950• Bach Strad Trigger Trombone $999
• Buffet Clarinet B-12 $275• Artley Clarinet $150• Artley Wood Clarinet $395• Bessen Trumpet $275
• King Cornet $120• Bundy Cornet $175
• Bundy Piccolo (like new) $425
• Conn Alto Saxophone $350• Bundy Alto Saxophone $399• Vito Alto Saxophone $425• La Sax Tenor $850• Jupiter Euphonium $850• Bell Kit $100
THIS IS AN OLD GROANER OF A HUMOROUSEASTER BUNNY STORY….
A man was driving along the highway when he saw the Easter bunny hopping across the middle of theroad. He swerved to avoid hitting the bunny, but unfortunately the Easter bunny jumped in front of thecar and was struck. The basket of eggs and candy, the rabbit was
carrying, went flying all over the place. The driver,being a sensitive man, as well as an animal lover,pulled over to the side of the road, and got out to seewhat had become of the rabbit carrying the basket.Much to his dismay, the colorful rabbit was dead. The driver felt so awful, he began to cry. A woman driving down the highway saw the man
crying on the side of the road and pulled over. Shestepped out of her car and asked the man what waswrong. 'I feel terrible', he explained, 'I accidentally hitthe Easter bunny and killed it. Children will be so disappointed. What should I do?'The woman told the man not to worry. She knew
what to do. She went to her car trunk, and pulled out aspray can. She walked over to the dead, limp rabbit,and sprayed the contents of the can onto the furry animal. Miraculously the Easter bunny came to life,jumped up, picked up the spilled eggs and candy,waved its paw at the two humans and hopped down theroad. 50 feet away the Easter bunny stopped, turnedaround, waved and hopped down the road. 50 feet further on, he turned again, waved and hopped another50 feet, again he waved. The man was astonished.
He couldn't figure out what substance could be in the woman's spray can. He ran over to the woman and asked, 'What is in your spray can? What did you spray on the Easter bunny?'The woman turned the can
around so that the man could read the label. It said: 'Hair spray. Restores life to dead hair. Adds permanent wave.'
TELL OUR ADVERTISERS, “I SAW YOU IN THE ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE.”
ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESLike us on Facebook for past issues & more fun stories...OrangePeelGazetteKaneCo • PAGE 8
Gyros - Hamburgers - Hotdogs and moreCombo Meals + Daily Specials
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(331)205-1700
Weekly & Contractor Ratesavailable
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Hand Dryers My pastor friend put sanitary hot air hand dryers in
the rest rooms at his church and after two weeks tookthem out. I asked him why and he confessed that they worked
fine but when he went in there he saw a sign that read:"For a sample of this week's sermon, push the button."
The HecklerAn old man was sitting in the front row at a town
meeting, heckling the mayor as he delivered a longspeech. Finally the mayor could stand it no longer, so he pointed to the heckler and said, "will that gentleman please stand up and tell the audience whathe has ever done for the good of the city." "Well Mr. Mayor," the man said in a firm voice.
"I voted against you in the last election."
Hello..... The proprietor of a small village drugstore was
called out one sleepy summer morning, leaving the es-tablishment temporarily under the sole management ofa very young, and very uneducated, clerk. "Just an-swer the phone if it rings, Jim," instructed the propri-etor. The phone rang. "Hello," said the clerk. "Do you have streptomycin and aureomycin?"
asked a voice at the other end. The clerk scratched his head, then said, "Ma'am,
when I said 'Hello' I told you everything I know
Officer's First Patrol A rookie police officer was assigned to ride in a cruiser with an
experienced partner. A call came over the car's radio telling them todisperse some people who were loitering. The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd
standing on a corner. The rookie rolled down his window and said,"Let's get off the corner." No one moved, so he barked again, "Let's get off the corner!"
Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzledglances in his direction. Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, "Well, how did I do?" "Pretty good," replied the veteran, "especially since this was a
bus stop."
Q. How can you tell where the Easter Bunny has been?A. Eggs mark the spot!
Q. What did the father Easter egg do when the mother Easter egg told him a joke? A. He cracked up!
663300--880022--11666666Franchise of 23 years
Make It Shine, Inc.COMMERCIAL CLEANING
Call to schedule an appointment for us to Make it Shine . . .
THANK THE BUSINESS WHERE YOU PICKED UP THE ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE
ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESCONNECTING CUSTOMERS AND BUSINESSES. . .THAT’S WHAT WE DO BEST! • PAGE 9
815-756-9438WWW.HOLIDAYHOUR.COMWWW.HOLIDAYHOUR.COM
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350 W. Lincoln Hwy • Cortland, IL Visit ourWebsite
2018 Jayco Jay Feather X23B
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2019 Jayco Jay Flight SLX 224BH
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2019 Jayco Jay Flight 287BHS
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2018 Jayco Hummingbird 16MRB
MSRP: $23,529 You Save $9,530 Sales Price $13,9992018 Jayco Jay Flight 32BHDS
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2019 Jayco Jay Flight SLX 245RLS
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2018 Jayco White Hawk 25FK
MSRP: 35,501 You Save $12,590 Sales Price $22,9112018 Jayco Octane SL 312 Toyhauler
MSRP: $45,624 You Save $19,713 Sales Price $25,911
911M[n^itorym[n[g_r
M[rk Downs!!
C[ll for B_st Pri]ing!! whil_ inv_ntory l[sts
ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESCHECK OUT OUR WEBSITE... WWW.ORANGEPEELGAZETTEKANECO.COM • PAGE 10
Opee Gazette says: Let’s Play!Who Wants To Be A Zillionaire?
FOR ADVERTISING, CALL MICHELLE AT (815)751-1286
The General Knowledge Quiz 8
Se Habla Español
24/7 SAME DAY SERVICE
www.JJgaragedoor.com (224)217-1631
• Steel & Wood Doors • Remotes/Operators•Springs/Rollers/Cables/Tracks
SALES - SERVICE - INSTALLATION On All Makes & Models
Residential & Commercial
•Free Estimates •Insured •Warranty
May’s Piano Tuning & RepairJim MayCertified Tuner & Technician
[email protected] • 217-369-7946
630-851-0375
$696,000 Question...Which company is owned by Bill Gates?A) HP B) MicrosoftC) IBM D) Cisco $697,000 Question...What would you do with a maris piper?A) Fly it - a plane B) Eat it - a potatoC) Write - a pen D) Talk - a phone$698,000 Question...What kind of animal is a lurcher?A) Dog B) CatC) Horse D) Snake$699,000 Question...In fable who sold a cow for five beans?A) Jack B) JillC) Herman D) Bill$700,000 Question...Alfred Nobel made his fortune by inventing something.What did he invent? A) Razors B) EncyclopediaC) Dynamite D) Eyeglasses
$701,000 Question...Munroes are mountains in what country?A) France B) EnglandC) Scotland D) India$702,000 Question...What does an alopecia sufferer lack?A) Confidence B) HearingC) Clothing D) Hair$703,000 Question...Triskadeccaphobia is the fear of what?A) Clowns B) SnakesC) Spiders D) the number 13
(Answers below - See you next issue)
Answers: $696 - B; $697 - B; $698 - A; $699 - A; $700 - C; $701 - C; $702 - D; $703 - D.
G.P.A. At the end of the college year, a star football player
celebrated the relaxation of team curfew by attending alate night campus party. Soon after arriving, he becamecaptivated by a beautiful young thing and eased into aconversation with her by asking if she met many datesat parties. "Oh, I have a 3.9, so I'm much more attracted to the
strong academic types than to dumb party animals,"she said. "What's your G.P.A.?" Grinning from ear to ear, the jock boasted, "I get
about 27 in the city and 38 on the highway."
Garage Sale Early one evening a man went out to his garage
and pulled the lawn furniture out onto the driveway.Shortly after followed the lawn mower, a few gardening tools and a bicycle. A curious neighbor wandered over and asked if he
was going to have a garage sale. "No," replied the gentleman, "my son just bought
his first car and right now he's getting ready for a bigdate." "So what's with all the stuff?" asked the neighbor. "Well, after years of moving tricycles, toys and
sports equipment out of the way every time I camehome from work I wanted to make sure the drivewaywas ready for him."
ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESLike us on Facebook for past issues & more fun stories...OrangePeelGazetteKaneCo • PAGE 11
THANK THE BUSINESS WHERE YOU PICKED UP THE ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE
For More Information - Call
(630)365-6315
Early Bird Game 6:30pm
Regular Bingo 7:00pm
ELBUrN LIONS PArK500 S. FILMOrE ST
Food & Beverages AvailableFor Purchase.
Elburn Lions ClubElburn, IL
www.elburnlions.com
RENT OUR HALLAccommodates up to 240
We Cater to Your Group Needs
14 REGULAR GAMES4 PROGRESSIVE
SPLIT THE POT RAFFLES
Lic# B-04001
Doors Open
at 5:00pm
MAINTENANCE & LANDSCAPING
• Install Sod/Mulch• Tree Pruning• Tree Planting/Removal• Stump Grinding• Lawn Mowing• Brick Paving
Free EstimatesFully Insured
630-639-3639630-639-3639Vidal (630)877-8691
SSPRINGPRING CCLEANLEAN UUPP
www.CYFLPANTHERS.orgOpen
Registration March 1 - May 31
Walk-ins welcome 9AM - 4PM1375 Paramount Pkwy Batavia IL 60510
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Medical/Dental/Vision insurance, 401K plan, life insur
Medical/Dental/Vision insurance, 401K plan, life insura
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• Drivers - $1,500 Sign On Bonus!Class “C” CDL with passenger endorsement
required - PAID TRAINING• Fleet Technician• Morning Dispatcher (4:30am - 1pm)• Scheduler
Medical/Dental/Vision insurance, 401K plan, life insurance, paid vacation/sick time
Walk-ins welcome 9am - 4pm1375 Paramount Pkwy, BataviaFor more info call 630-517-5580
www.ride-right.net
NowHiring
Angvick Antique Motors
PO Box 7 • Burlington, IL 60109
(847)287-4413 oldmotorsguy.com [email protected]
Specializing in vehicles manufactured prior to 1940BUY • SELL • RESTORE • REPAIR
Gas Prices When the family car developed a slight knock, the
husband asked his wife if she had bought regular orpremium gas, but she couldn't remember. "You probably got the cheaper gas," he said. "That
could account for the engine running so rough." "No, the gas wasn't cheaper!" she replied
indignantly. "Well, how much did it cost?" asked the husband. "It cost the same as always," said the wife. "I
bought the usual ten dollars worth."
Generation GapMy granddaughter came to spend a few weeks with
me, and I decided to teach her to sew. After I had gonethrough a lengthy explanation of how to thread the machine, she stepped back, put her hands on her hips,and said in disbelief, "You mean you can do all that,but you can't operate my Game Boy?"
Get Better Soon A retired man who volunteers to entertain patients
in nursing homes and hospitals went to one local hospital in Brooklyn and took his portable keyboardalong. He told some jokes and sang some funny songsat patients' bedsides. When he finished he said, in farewell, "I hope you
get better." One elderly gentleman replied, "I hope you get
better, too."
FOR ADVERTISING, CALL MICHELLE AT (815)751-1286
ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESCHECK OUT OUR WEBSITE... WWW.ORANGEPEELGAZETTEKANECO.COM • PAGE 12
LINCOLN HWYLINCOLN HWY
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Registration $12Day of show Registration 9 - 12
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Info - 815-456-2695Email: [email protected]://parkboardcarshow.wixsite.com/lhcs
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You See This AdYour customers will
too.Advertise in the ORANGE PEELGAZETTE
Lawyer's Wife A lawyer's wife dies. At the cemetery, people are
appalled to see that the tombstone reads: "Here lies Shirley, wife of Sam Johnson, LLD,
Wills, Divorce, Malpractice, and Immigration LegalServices" Suddenly, Sam bursts into tears. His brother says,
"You SHOULD cry, pulling a cheap stunt like this onShirley's tombstone!" Through his tears, Sam sobs, "You don't under-
stand! They left out the phone number!"
Lazy Worker A construction site foreman had 10 very lazy men
working for him, so one day he decided to trick theminto doing some work for a change. "I've got a really easy job today for the laziest one
among you," he announced. "Will the laziest manplease put his hand up." Nine hands went up. "Why didn't you put your hand up?" he asked the
10th man. "Too much trouble," he responded.
Getting Away Getting away from their high-stress jobs, a couple
spends relaxing weekends in their motor home. Whenthey found their peace and quiet disturbed by well-meaning, but unwelcome, visits from othercampers, they devised a plan to assure themselvessome privacy. Now, when they set up camp, they place this sign
on the door of their RV: "Insurance agent. Ask aboutour term-life package."
Hut-2-3-4.... As he was drilling a batch of recruits, the sergeant
saw that one of them was marching out of step. Walking up next to the man as they marched, he saidsarcastically: "Do you know they are all out of step except you?" "What?" asked the recruit innocently. "I said -- they are all out of step except you!"
thundered the sergeant. The recruit replied, "Well, sarge, you're in charge --
you tell them!"
Welcome Home provides people who have moved with useful community information and FREE gifts from localmerchants: all to help you become familiar with the area.
Call or Text For a Visit -Batavia • North Aurora • Batavia/Mill Creek
Jennifer Zack • 630-229-2001
Moved Recently?We would enjoy meeting you!
- www.welcomehomebatavia.com -
For Sale! ONE OF 3 EVER MADE! A rare Victorian Era, 1902, STEINWAY B. Big Parlor Grand Piano.
Appraised in 1994 for $100,000. A beautiful mahogany classic. Privately owned & located in a DeKalb residence. The others are in the Chicago and Washington D.C. areas,
and understood to not be for sale. Complete specifications, pictures, professional
statement of condition, etc., are available from: Richard H. “Dick” Crosby of Rockford. Sold AS IS-WHERE IS! Inspection by appointment only. PLEASE! Serious inquirys only!
email: [email protected] Spread the Word!
ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESGREAT RATES - GREAT RESULTS - CALL TODAY! (815)751-1286 • PAGE 13
THANK THE BUSINESS WHERE YOU PICKED UP THE ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE
Answer to front cover... A Sock Hop
(815) 827-3051
210 MAIN STREET • MAPLE PARK
PEG’S ON MAIN
~ Visit our Gift Shop ~for Cards, Home Decor & Gifts Galore
Full Service Hair Salon for Men & Woman
Color - Cuts - Perms - Gift Shop
Pamper yourselfor someone special with a new look!
Family Restaurant
With a minimumpurchase of $10
(before taxes) receive
$1 OFF* $10 order$2 OFF* $20 order$5 OFF* $35 order$10 OFF* $50 order
*Not to be used with any other offer.
(630)892-11001700 S. Douglas Rd
Montgomery
VIDEO GAMING ROOMNew Back Entrance with more Games & Bar Area
Come Play atGrandma’s! Open
‘til Midnight
PINBALL MACHINESCOIN OPERATEDARCADE GAMESDART MACHINES
IN HOME REPAIRSBUY & SELL
HOME AMUSEMENTS(630)742-2472
How LongThe company I work for offers tours through the
historic district of Annapolis, Maryland, led by guidesdressed in Colonial clothing. While leading a group,Felix, one of our guides, tripped and fell, breaking hiswrist. He went to the hospital, and as he sat waiting in the
emergency room, a policeman walked by. Doing a double take at Felix in his 18th-century garb, he asked,"Just how long have you been waiting?"
If I Die First... Now that they are retired, my mother and father are
discussing all aspects of their future. "What will you doif I die before you do?" Dad asked Mom. After some thought, she said that she'd probably look
for a house- sharing situation with three other single or widowed women who might be a littleyounger than herself, since she is so active for her age. Then Mom asked Dad, "What will you do if I die
first?" He replied, "Probably the same thing."
Its Got To Be Love An older couple regularly attended church. The
pastor was much impressed by how harmonious andhow in love they seemed. They always held hands allthrough the service. One day after church, the pastor couldn't resist going
up to them to express his admiration. He said, "I find it so inspirational to see how deeply in love youare, even, after all these years, holding hands like that." The wife looked up sharply and said, "It's not love,
Pastor, I'm just keeping him from cracking his knuckles."
In The Park A little girl asked her mother for a dollar to give to
an old lady in the park. Her mother was touched by thechild's kindness, and gave her the dollar. "There you are, my dear," said the mother. "But, tell
me, isn't the lady able to work any more?" "Oh yes," came the reply. "She sells candy."
Matt Gavin16119 Chicago Road Sandwich, IL 60548
Phone (815) 786-2242Cel (815) 405-9988Fax (815) 786-2296
Gavin Woodworking, Inc.Furniture Refinishing - Repairing
Special Wood Products - Chair CaningGeneral Machining - General Painting
THANK THE BUSINESS WHERE YOU PICKED UP THE ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE
Hetts Auto SalesLooking for a quality usedvehicle? All our vehicles aresafety inspected, have a carfax report and many are
priced in the $3000 - $9000 range. View our inventory at
www.hettsautosales.comHetts Auto Sales is locatedin downtown Oswego by theR/R tracks, “Our mission isto give you a pleasurablebuying experience” and remember owner, Ed and son, Matt are your friendsin the car business.Hetts Auto Sales
69 W. Washington St. (Rt 34)Oswego, IL 60543630-554-9339
www.hettsautosales.com
CASH PAIDWWII, WWIMilitary uniforms,
photos, weapons, medals,patches, helmets, posters,souvenirs, & older firearms.
630-215-3664
Garage Doors by CurtSales and ServiceWe Sell CHI DoorsLift Master Openers(630)276-3453
BUYING
AUTOMOTIVE
The Right GuyCarpet Cleaning, Inc
Certified Cleaning for CarpetTile/Grout, Area Rugs, Upholstery, RV’s
Residential/Business/Rentalswww.TRGCarpetCleaning.comFor Reviews & Pics • 19yrs Exp.630-264-4369 Free Estimates
CARPET CLEANING
GARAGE DOORS
EGGS FOR SALE
AL’S ELECTRIC(Semi Retired, but not Tired)Licensed • 45 yrs Exp
Just Call Al (630)514-6569
ELECTRICAL
Ed & Judie’s Chicken EggFarm: Self Service6S260 Hankes Rd
Aurora (630)907-0775
$125 Mixed Face Cord$150 Oak Face CordFree Delivery/Stacked630-907-0775 Ed
FIREWOOD
ASPHALTDRIVEWAY REPAIRINSTALL & PATCHING
ASPHALT SEAL COATING & STRIPINGANDEL SERVICES, INC
Hand Applied Se Habla EspañolOffice: 630 566 0210Cell: 630 675 7102
ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESCHECK OUT OUR WEBSITE... WWW.ORANGEPEELGAZETTEKANECO.COM • PAGE 14
HANDYMAN-NAILS-ITHome Improve/Rpr/Mainthandyman-nails-it.com(630) 360-3039
Glass Repair & ReplacementBroken window/door Repair
224-228-1000Classic Glass and Glazing
GLASS REPAIR
Gary’s Painting & Handyman (630)409-1701$25/hour local
$27/hour long distance
HANDYMAN
HOME TYPISTS NEEDEDTyping court transcripts from recorded audio.
35 pgs./day min., paid/pageMSWord/WP, no data entry
RECORDING REPORTERSPersons to record Hearings/Depositions in Chicago &Suburbs paid per assignment
SPECIFIC POSITION ANDSEND RESUME TO:
LeGrand Court ReportingFax: (630) [email protected]
HELP WANTED
For Sale - 2008 John Deere1050J 14,700 hours.
Maintained and serviced bylocal JD Dealer.
Undercarriage 95%. Hydraulics freshly serviced.Documentation of all repairs.Starts easily even when cold.$150,000 open to offers.Call Scott (224)325-0844
CONSTRUCTIONEQUIPMENT
Cash for Record AlbumsRock • Jazz • Blues
St. Charles 206-432-1682
Experienced Lawn RollerHonest & Reliable
Beautiful Lawn & Tree Care630-585-0221
Established 22 yr business.Work for yourself. Turn Key
equipment, inventory, business available 630-859-1266
FOR SALE
Accepting ApplicationsFT/PT ice cream truck drivers/sales, Aurora, ILSlammin’ Ice Creamz, IncChofer para manejartroca de helado630-741-9382
HELP WANTED
Ready For The Future?Unlimited Income/We TrainTravel Agents/Reps/FT/PTWORK HOME 888-648-3030
Batavia, Sugar Grove, St. Charles & Woodridge office & warehouse space for lease, from 1,500sq ft to 12,000sq ft. For info Call Don 630-330-7637or Sarah 630-318-2341
INDUSTRIALSPACE FOR RENT
HOUSE CLEANING
Veronica & Audelia’sHouse Cleaning Services
630-506-2895630-935-5287
WANTED
RON’S QUALITY PAINTINGInterior - ExteriorAffordable & Clean
Over 25 years experienceFree Estimates - Insured
(847)489-9907
Band Instruments: Cellos Open Hole Flutes, TrumpetsDouble French Horns,
Saxophones (847)951-7098
AGUAS REMODELINGAll Kinds of Repairs;Electrical - Walls
Bathrooms - KitchensPainting
Habla Espanol(847)809-1102 Jesus
J & L BUILDERSHandyman ServiceBasement Finishing
Kitchen & Bath RemodelingYour Complete RemodelingService. Free Estimates
(630)334-1322J-LBUILDERS/facebook
Sleeping Room $90/weeklyClean/Quiet, Non-smoking
Refrigerator accessAurora 630-247-1031
Two Men and A TrailerSmall to Medium MovesTVs, Dressers, Beds, CouchesReasonable Rates - Elburn630-918-5554 Big Ken
MOVING
Wiltse’s Landscaping &Lawn Care
Lawns, cleanups & mulchingfertilizing & weed control,
pruning, plantingresidential & commercial
hardscapes - (815) 508-7502
TELL OUR ADVERTISERS, “I SAW YOU IN THE ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE.”
Bill’s Custom ServicesInterior/Exterior
Painting & Drywall Etc.Wallpaper hanging/removalOver 20 Years ExperienceFree Estimates/Insured
Now Offering Carpet Cleaning(815)482-4155 TREE SERVICES &
BOOM TRUCK SERVICESANDEL SERVICES, INCTree Cutting, Trimming,Stump Grinding, Chipping,
Haul AwayCall the office
or text my cell for estimateSe Habla EspañolOffice: 630 566 0210Cell: 630 675 7102
PAINTING
LAWN CARE SPECIALAerate $35 (48”Gate)Fertilizer $59 (0-10,000)Overseed Free with A & FBeautiful Lawn & Tree Care
630-585-0221
LAWN CARE
ROOM FOR RENT
Next Issue Ad DeadlineMay 1 April 19
To appear in the next issue of the ORANGE PEEL GAZETTEcontact Michelle at (815)751-1286
Information gathered herein is from sources considered reliable. Accuracy however cannot be guaranteed. All humorous stories andjokes appearing here are intended for entertainment purposes only andare not meant to disrespect or harm any group or individuals. Ads appearing in this paper are not to considered as an endorsement or validation by Orange Peel Gazette for products or services offered.
ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESGREAT RATES - GREAT RESULTS - CALL TODAY! (815)751-1286 • PAGE 15
INVESTING
BORING LIFE???Do you want to make yourlife more interesting?Learn to invest in Real
Estate and have the freedomand time you Deserve!Text “interesting” to:
630-675-7102 along withyour name and e-mail.
Blown in Attic Insulationand removal + other servicesInsured; 25 years Exp.Floyd (224)218-1116(331)228-0191
INSULATION
Tree Pruning & RemovalCall ISA Certified ArboristJoe (224) 789 - 8773
Northern Kane & Dupage Cowww.ArborJoe.com
PAINTER
Lanza Masonry Inc.Brick, Stone, BlocksTuck Pointing847-833-3384
MASONRY TREE SERVICE
WELLNESSAroma Therapy,
Reflexology, Healing Touchfor People and AnimalsDenise (630)310-4504
Baker’s Window CleaningResidential/Commercial
(630)854-7716(630)273-2010
WINDOW CLEANING
REMODELING
Above & Beyond Paintingby Stuart; Interior - ExteriorPainting and Remodeling;Professional Insured Clean;Over 35 years experience;No job too big or small....Call today for free estimate;Mary 331-251-5766 or Brian 630-709-8470
Look for us on Facebook andtwitter @Above & Beyond
Painting by Stuart
Helping Hand A man writing at the post office desk was
approached by an older fellow with a post card in hishand. The old man said, "Sir, I'm sorry to bother youbut could you address this post card for me? My arthritis is acting up today and I can't even hold a pen." "Certainly sir,' said the younger man, "I'd be glad
to." He wrote out the address and also agreed to write a
short message and sign the card for the man. Finally,the younger man asked, "Now, is there anything else Ican do for you?" The old fellow thought about it for a moment and
said, "Yes, at the end could you just add, 'PS: Pleaseexcuse the sloppy hand-writing.'?"
LOOK FOR OUR NEXT ISSUE ON MAY 1, 2019
ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESCHECK OUT OUR WEBSITE... WWW.ORANGEPEELGAZETTEKANECO.COM • PAGE 16
Dear Neighbor:I have great news for your wallet if your furnace is over 12years old. Allow me to explain...Every year, the months ofJanuary, February, & March can be slow for my business. Iemploy great people and want to keep them working duringthese long, slow months. That is why I’ve come up with aWin Win Situation for both of us.
Every year, the big manufacturers of furnaces & air conditioners guess how many to build to meet the demand.Of course, they’re never exactly right. So, they always havesome inventory that they must hold over until the next summer season. I went to one of these companies andcontracted for the purchase of twenty-two Deluxe furnacesand air conditioners in the four most popular sizes used inKane County. And, because of the quantity and time ofyear, I was able to buy them at drastically reduced prices.
They are brand-new Deluxe Models. They are NOT the seconds or “blems” or standard “builder” models. They arefactory-fresh furnaces and air conditioners and have a full10-year factory warranty.
How To Get A Furnace For PeanutsIf you are interested in a new heating/cooling system (butonly if one of the four sizes I have will fit your house, ofcourse), I am “giving” you the furnace and all I ask for is the $941 in labor & material costs for installation.
Perfect Fit For Your HomeI will come out and measure your home (and determinethe availability of the proper size). Don’t forget, I only have
663300--226622--88448844*With approved credit. Ask for Details. **With high efficiency upgrade.
Warmly,
22 matched Deluxe Systems in four sizes. When they aregone, this remarkable offer ends also. Just call 630-262-8484.
Absolutely No ObligationAfter I completely explain the installation, there is absolutelyno obligation. If you decide you don’t want to take advantage of the spectacular savings... That’s OK.
You Can Buy With NO Cash*You don’t even have to pay me right away. I have set up a terrific 0%* payment plan.
Fuel Efficiency Guarantee**I’m so confident that you will save at least 25% on your heating and cooling bills (I’m projecting more like 30%), that I will pay you the difference for a year if you don’t! I’llshow you exactly how this works. If these heating and air conditioning systems were not among the best on themarket, I couldn’t afford to make such a promise.
Why This Offer Can’t LastI only have a few of each of the four sizes. When all of the airconditioners are sold and all the furnaces are “given” away,that’s it. There are no more at this price. Call Bree now at(630)262-8484 to set up an appointment for your no-obligation survey.
Warmly,
ATTENTION: Kane County Homeowners, we are doing it again this year!Great opportunity with only 22 units available in 2019Quality, American Made HVAC Systems:SERVICE NOW HEATING Helping 22 Homeowners by “Giving Away”
Furnaces for $941.With Off-Season Air ConditioningIf you qualify, local utilities may offer up to $550 in rebates towards your new system.
7
7HURRY,ONLY 7 UNITSLEFT!