A Creative Common Image

Barbara L. Mehl, Esq. Sunshine State Divorce and Mediation, Inc.

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Table of Contents

Page

Introduction …………………………………………………………………………………………………. 2

Divorce Horror Stories .…………………………………………………………………………………. 3

The Role Emotions Play ………………………………………………………………………………… 5

2 Keys to a Quick and Inexpensive Divorce .…………………………………………………. 6

Alternatives to Retaining an Attorney ….………………………………………………………. 11

Guided Divorce Mediation …..……………………………………………………………………….. 14

Conclusion ……………………………………………………………………………………………………. 15

Copyright© 2016

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Introduction

I’m sorry that you are contemplating divorce. This is one of the worst challenges

that life can hand you. I know this first hand.

The fact that you are reading this e-book, So You Want to Get Divorced NOW and

Pay NOTHING?, shows that something about this speaks to you.

First things first. The title is unrealistic.

Divorce takes time and costs money.

But you already know that. What you don’t know is how much money and how

much time.

This book is for you if you answer “YES” to one or

more of the following questions.

Question 1: Have you heard about or

experienced a divorce horror story?

Question 2: Do you and your spouse or

partner want help in getting a divorce, but

don’t want to hire an attorney?

Question 3: Do you and your spouse or

partner want to get divorced quickly?

And the most important question:

Are you wondering if there is an alternative to

spending a lot of money, wasting a lot of time,

and getting repeatedly frustrated?

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By reading this e-book you will learn:

How to get divorced quickly

How to get divorced with the least amount of stress, frustration and anxiety

Alternatives to retaining an attorney AND …

Divorce Horror Stories

Everyone has heard horror stories

about the amount of time it takes to

get divorced and the amount of money

people spend to get divorced.

You might have gone for a drink in a

bar and the guy next to you tells you

that his divorce took three or more

years and cost him more than $25,000.

You may have taken the kids to the playground and the woman sharing the park

bench told you that her husband hid all his assets and left her with all the debt.

HOW TO GET DIVORCED WITHOUT SPENDING A FORTUNE

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Another person may have told you that he had to pay permanent alimony and

someone else may have said his wife took the children to another state.

Some of these situations may have been exaggerated and others not.

But it is a reality that attorney fees range in price per hour depending on area and

attorney reputation.

So the question becomes: “How much time and money?”

The answer depends on you. Yes, you.

You are the one who makes the choice whether the divorce will take three

years and $50,000 EACH or not.

Is this a surprise to you? Did you think that it is the system’s fault?

Sorry to disappoint you, but the system is only partly to blame. If you and/or your

spouse decide to fight the divorce, your divorce will take longer and cost more.

That’s a fact of life. The more you fight the inevitable (in almost anything), the

more it costs in time and money. Think about it. Has this happened to you or

someone you know in other situations?

In this case, if one of you fights the divorce, attorneys will most likely get involved.

That means both of you will have to pay a retainer fee, plus additional fees once

the retainer is used up (usually this is used up quickly). If both attorneys require a

$5000 retainer (likely scenario), then the two of you will spend a minimum of

$10,000 on your divorce.

Once attorneys are involved, your case will take longer. That’s because they are

obligated to represent you to the best of their ability. That means that they will

most likely file motions with the court to get you something that they think you

should have.

In addition, once attorneys are involved, there is no longer just the two of you

needing to schedule things – there’s the two attorneys, the court, AND the two of

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you – a total of five entities, all of which have their own schedules. This can

become a scheduling nightmare. Thus, a longer divorce, and the cause of the

divorce horror stories.

The Role Emotions Play

When you get divorced, you have so

many feelings.

If you are the one who instigated

the divorce, you may be feeling

guilt, while simultaneously feeling

relieved that you finally decided to get

divorced.

You could feel guilt that you failed at

the marriage, you could feel guilt or shame because no one else in your family ever

got divorced.

Or you could feel guilty because you knew from the beginning that you were

marrying the wrong person, but you married him or her anyway.

If you are the one who was told “I want a divorce”, you could be feeling –

Shame (I’m being dumped!)

Relief (I want a divorce, too, but I didn’t want to

ask for it)

Anger (What do you mean I’m being dumped!)

Upset (I don’t want to be divorced, I want to stay

married)

or any other feeling or a combination of the above feelings.

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Regardless of whether you are the one who asked for the divorce, or not, your

feelings have a lot to do with whether your divorce will take years and cost a lot of

money.

If you or your spouse want vengeance, expect your divorce to be drawn out

and expensive.

If you or your spouse want everything you are entitled to (or think you are

entitled to), expect your divorce to be drawn out and expensive.

Even if both of you are accepting of the divorce and want to be fair, if you hire

attorneys your divorce may be costly and take time to get.

2 Keys to a Quick and Inexpensive Divorce

Couples who are thinking about divorce frequently feel like they don’t know what

to do – they have many questions and are not sure where to get the answers they

need. This is often the cause of the brain fog you may be feeling.

People are also scared and voice concerns that divorce takes a long time and costs

a lot of money. They are stressed, feel anxiety and are frustrated with their options.

Does this sound like you?

If so, think that everything can be viewed either as a

negative or a positive. It’s like a magnet that has both

positive and negative sides. So …

So simple, but how do you do this?

The secret to solving your problem is flipping

negative thoughts to a positive.

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If you have been vacillating about getting divorced

for a while, it may mean that your sub-conscious is

telling you that this relationship is not a good fit –

like you are trying to put a square peg in a round

hole or trying to match to mismatched puzzle

pieces.

Sometimes good people find each other, get married, but they are not meant to be

together. If your spouse has a lot of good qualities, your decision is harder. If your

spouse is not a good person, your decision should be easier.

If you keep vacillating, you can easily be in this situation for years. Your

unhappiness transfers to your spouse, your friends, your children, your family.

They feel your unhappiness and are unhappy for you. They don’t know how to help

you.

Your children may feel your stress and get sick A LOT.

You can be feeling a lot of aches and pains.

You and your spouse will argue A LOT.

You may lose friends, family might not want to see or hear from you, you

may become an alcoholic or dependent on shopping, sleep or drugs.

You might be depressed. Are you suffering from insomnia, decreased

appetite, chronic fatigue, increased aches and pains, and decreased appetite

in sex? These are symptoms of depression.

Does this sound like you?

According to Psychology Today, “marriages don't break; they erode over time.

Each time a sarcastic or hurtful remark goes by without repair or apology some of

the bond that holds a couple together washes away. Each time a spouse fails to

identify an emotional need of the other and attend to it, a little more glue

disappears. Each time a conflict is avoided because the couple doesn’t talk, the

relationship further erodes. And each time sex is refused or avoided because one of

the partners feels emotionally disconnected the process accelerates.”

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Have you ever been in a restaurant and you see a

couple eating in silence?

There is no eye contact and no conversation. They are eating at

the same table, but separately. That’s a sign that a relationship is

on the verge of divorce.

Are you living like this, but are you are scared about getting

a divorce? If you are …

Divorce is scary.

You may not know how you will be able to afford to live after you get divorced.

You may feel that you can’t take care of the children on your own.

You may be scared that you will never fall in love again, and what about dating?

The idea of entering the single world after all this time can be daunting.

And the worst fear may be “what will my family think? We don’t get divorced in

my family.”

If you can save your marriage, you should do so.

But can you? Are you like Emily and Joe?

Emily and Joe (names have been changed to respect privacy) worked for years on

their marriage. They were scared to separate.

When they finally decided to get divorced, they agreed (despite disagreeing on

everything else) that they did not want to spend their savings on divorce attorneys.

A friend referred them to me. We were able to figure out how each would be able

to live on their own and how they would divide their finances.

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If you can’t save your marriage … here’s Key #1:

But you may be thinking:

Divorce takes a long time and costs a lot of money.

That’s true, if you hire an attorney.

An uncontested divorce costs on average $15,500, including $12,800 in

attorney's fees, and takes 11 months for the divorce to be finished.

If you fight your divorce, you will spend more money and time. Divorce for couples

who take their case to trial on any issue takes an average of 17.6 months to resolve,

and costs an average of $19,600 each.

Source: http://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/ctp/cost-of-divorce.html.

Depending on the state you live in, costs could be higher or lower.

If you live in a state with a high divorce rate, your divorce will probably take longer

if you fight one or more issues because of a busy court calendar.

The high number of divorces creates busy family courts and longer waiting times

for hearings, trials, orders, and final judgments.

Most divorce attorneys bill on an hourly basis. So, the attorney's hourly rate – plus

the rate of any paralegals and other firm staff – factored with the time spent on

your divorce will determine the amount of attorneys' fees you'll pay.

After attorneys' fees, the rest of divorce costs come from expenses, which includes

fees for court filings, mediation, and the cost of copying and serving documents.

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If you go to trial, your attorney has to prepare for court (drafting

pre-trial motions and trial briefs, additional discovery, preparing for

witness testimony, preparing opening and closing statements) plus

the full days in court. Expenses might also include compensation for

expert witnesses and consultants, such as child custody evaluators,

appraisers, or financial analysts.

This translates to you spending A LOT OF MONEY and TIME.

If you retain an attorney, there’s also the stress factor: Attorneys are notorious for

not returning emails or phone calls quickly. Also, even if your attorney answers

your questions, you may not fully understand the answers, or what to do.

This may cause you to think –

“I’m paying $250 an hour (or more) for this?

“What IS my attorney doing?”

“Why do I need this motion?”

“Why was my court date rescheduled?”

And so forth.

Do you want this for you and your spouse?

If the answer is no, realize this:

We’ve been brainwashed to think we need to retain an attorney.

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Guess what? Key #2 is …

How can you do this?

Alternatives to Retaining a Divorce Attorney

Believe it or not, you have at least 5 alternatives to

fighting your divorce in court.

1. Do nothing.

Lots of people do this. You may be living in the same house, but just co-existing

because having two households is expensive. Or you have been living separately

for many years without bothering to get a divorce.

But does this make sense?

Problems do not usually go away by themselves. Doing nothing may cause worse

problems, such as arguing when you are sharing the kitchen even if you are

sleeping in separate bedrooms.

Pros: You don’t have to spend any money on getting a divorce.

Cons: Stress and frustration can, and probably will, escalate if you are

still living in the same house. If you live separately, eventually one of

you will want a divorce. If you have lost contact with each other, you

have to figure out a way to find the other.

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2. Do your own divorce.

This is called pro se representation. This is good for couples who have limited

assets and debts and no children. If this is you, you should be able to file a

simplified or uncontested divorce assuming you have agreed to everything. Many

states have self-help centers that will provide you with the required paperwork and

instructions on how to fill out the forms.

Pros: You can do this by yourself, so your cost is limited to the filing fee.

Also, you don’t have the frustrations that may occur if you retain an

attorney.

Cons: You may not understand the instructions and what forms to get.

The self-help center cannot advise you on this. Pro se representation is

not recommended for people who have assets/debts and/or children

unless you and your spouse are very clear on how you will divide your

responsibilities. Before you sign your divorce agreement, you should

have an attorney review it. If your spouse retains an attorney, you can

feel as if you are at a disadvantage.

3. Do a collaborative divorce.

In a collaborative divorce, you and your spouse agree to each retain

attorneys who will work together to reach agreement, opposed to attorneys

who will fight your divorce.

Pros: You don’t have to fight your divorce in court, so you should have less

stress and anxiety.

Cons: It is possible that each attorney might have divided loyalties rather

than acting only in the best interest of their client. This is the position of

the Colorado Bar Association. While this may not be the case for all

collaborative attorneys, it is something to consider. Another consideration

is that the collaborative process can cost the same as full attorney

representation.

Sources: https://www.firstwivesworld.com/index.php/resources-articles/item/5592-the-pros-and-

cons-of-collaborative-divorce and http://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/ctp/cost-of-

divorce.html.

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4. Hire a mediator.

A divorce mediator’s role is to help couples reach a solution to their

problem and to arrive at an outcome that both are able to accept. A mediator

may or may not be an attorney.

Mediators avoid taking sides, making judgements or giving guidance. They are

simply responsible for developing effective communications and building

consensus between the parties. The focus of a mediation meeting is to reach a

common sense settlement agreeable to both parties in a case.”

Source: http://www.civilmediation.org/about-mediation/29/what-is-mediation-.

If you file for divorce without having a divorce agreement, the court will most

likely order you to go to mediation. It is possible that the court will order you to go

to mediation more than once if you do not reach agreement on the first try.

You can preempt the court ordering you to mediation if you mediate before you

file or if you hire your own before the court orders you to do so.

Pros: An impartial person guides you and your spouse to resolution

without you having to go to trial. If you reach agreement, your divorce

will cost less in money and time.

Cons: Depending on the mediator, you and your spouse could create an

agreement in one sitting. This can be exhausting, and could cause you to

forget something important. Mediation is also usually done during

normal business hours and you must coordinate your schedule with

your spouse.

5. Do Guided Divorce

Guided Divorce combines the best aspects of both mediation and pro se

representation.

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Guided Divorce

What is Guided Divorce?

Before reading this book, you may have heard of the

other options to retaining an attorney, and even

contemplated them.

But you probably have never heard of Guided

Divorce.

This is a new concept that allows a couple to work with a trained mentor to reach

agreement on dividing assets/debts and child responsibilities.

You can do this separately, with a short period of working together.

You do not have to work together at the same time, at the same speed, or in the

same place.

Pros: You and your spouse work through your issues using problem-solving

and critical thinking concepts to reach agreement.

Cons: After drafting your agreement, you may want to consult with an

attorney to review your contract.

(Fooled ya! You thought I would tell you that there is NO con.)

In short, Guided Divorce allows you and your spouse to control how much money

you spend and how long your divorce will take, with the mentorship of a divorce

coach.

You do your own divorce, but you have support. You and your spouse must

value saving money and be willing to work together for a limited time in order to

do this. You will team with a trained mentor, who, like a mediator, guides couples

to a fair, and maybe creative resolution, of their issues. And you get the answers to

your questions.

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Conclusion

What Makes Me an Authority?

I’ve been there. I’ve experienced the darkness of confusion and divorce.

I have taught business communication at local colleges for 10 years. This has

taught me how to simplify and clarify difficult concepts.

I am a licensed attorney and a certified mediator.

When I decided I finally wanted a divorce, after 22 years of vacillating,

I was scared, wondering how I was going to

support myself and if I would be able to date and

meet the right person for me.

Even though I was an attorney, I had to discover how

to work through this. I needed the help I am offering

you. Just like my clients, I needed support and

answers that an attorney often does not give.

A Quick Recap.

If you have been vacillating about getting divorced for a while, it may mean that

your sub-conscious is telling you that this relationship is not a good fit.

While divorce is scary, the alternative may be worse, a lot worse.

Divorce doesn’t have to cost a lot or take a lot of time – you can get divorced

quickly – for less than $10,000. And you don’t have to retain attorneys.

Remember Emily and Joe?

I mentored them through their divorce.

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After working with me for 8 weeks, they were ready to file their divorce papers.

weeks later, they were divorced.

Another couple, Tim and Nancy (names have been changed), resolved their issues

in 3 weeks with mentorship, so were divorced very quickly.

So far you’ve learned how to:

“Analyze whether you should get a divorce”

“Get divorced quickly”

“Get divorced with the least amount of stress”

“Spend the least amount of money in getting divorced”

In essence – you don’t have to have a messy, costly divorce.

What you need to do to make your divorce as easy as possible is to know

that you don’t have to take the hard road. That there is a solution to your

problem.

While divorce is not easy, it definitely does not have to be as horrible as those

“horror” stories you’ve heard.

You can stay where you are, take the hard road, or

you can learn more about the alternative to having

a messy, time consuming, and/or costly divorce.

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How I can help:

My team and I have set aside some time to talk to you about your situation. It's

totally free and personalized to you. On this call, you will receive clarity about

your situation, and guidance on what steps you can take.

You will also receive non-biased advice as to whether Guided Divorce is right for

you and your spouse.

If you are skeptical about whether you will receive a non-biased view on whether

Guided Divorce is for, I don’t blame you.

All I can tell you is that I don’t want to work with people who don’t fit the

necessary criteria. I only work with couples who do not want to fight their divorce

in court.

Who Guided Divorce is for:

You and your spouse/partner must be absolutely committed to limiting the

emotional and financial costs related to divorce.

You and your spouse/partner must absolutely be willing to compromise in

order to expedite the divorce, reduce stress, and to save money.

Couples who are not civilly married, but who have assets/debts and/or children

together, are eligible for Guided Divorce.

Why I am doing this:

I do this because I do not want you to suffer what I and so many others have gone

and are going through. I suffered those aches and pains, depression, and people not

wanting to speak with me.

I experienced my attorney not returning calls and cancelled court dates after I took

time off from work.

I hurt for people who are going through this.

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I want to help you limit the high costs of divorce, including your stress and

frustration.

I want you to know that there is help – compassionate, empathetic, and available.

If you want this help and you and your spouse are a good fit, etc., we may invite you

to work with us.

If we work together:

You will learn how to identify your issues and how to resolve them so you do not

have to fight them out in court.

We will expect you to be ready to file your divorce

papers in 8 weeks or LESS.

If this interests you, go to …

guideddivorcemediation.com/guided-divorce-consultation

to request your free personalized call.

It is not necessary for both of you to be on the call at the same time.