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Issue 941 - Weekly Thursday 24th September 1998

News 2 n Features 3& 4 n Music 5/6 n Entertainments Guide 7. n Features 8Notices & Personals & Crossword 9 n Features & Reviews 10 n Surrey Pride 12

Sunday 20th September marked,

for the majority of the 1500 (or

so) freshers who moved in to

university accommodation, the

beginning of a brand new adven-

ture, a roller coaster ride if you

will, lasting the next four years

of their lives.

For those of the 150 intro week

helpers unfortunate enough to be

lumbered with the early morning

shift all this marked was an early

Sunday rise that followed a late

Saturday night. Casting aside

their hangovers, the helpers

stepped out into the bright

autumnal sunshine in their

resplendent shirts ready to wel-

come the newest members of the

University family into their

hearts.

Co-ordinated by the Unions

Student Affairs officer GillVenables, the day progressed

with alarming ease.

That was until a band of terror-

ists infiltrated a group of helpers.

These terrorists pretended to

operate as regular law abiding

helpers, ferrying freshers lug-

gage from car park 4 to the rele-

vant residences. As the

September sun illuminated a

peaceful campus there was little

indication of the carnage that

was soon to follow.

Witnesses remarked on loud, outof tune singing reverberating

from a red mini bus. As the bus

pulled up outside Stag Hill

reception, Louise Tinker, the

Liaison officer was bundled in to

the empty bus and whisked to a

secret location.

Over the next hour frantic efforts

were made to resolve the issue

with the kidnappers, operatingunder the name the Red Bus Bad

Boys (RBBB), making up to six-

teen separate demands ranging

from the release of Red Bus pris-

oners around the world to cheap-

er beer prices in the Union.

The Unions policy not to negoti-

ate with terrorists held firm as

the RBBB, a splinter group of the

Universitys rugby club, released

a shaken but healthy Tink, who

was heard to tell colleagues I

loved it.

As the Union dance floor felt thepressure of tiny fresher feet for

the first time this semester, a

relieved Gill Venables said,

Thanks very much to all the

intro week helpers who pitched

in on Sunday. It all worked out

really well, most of the helpers

seemed to have a laugh, I cer-

tainly did. The main thing is that

the freshers had a friendly wel-

come to Surrey.

For the freshers the adventure

has begun. For the rest of us it

is back into the same day to day

routine of working hard andplaying even harder.

1,500 Freshers in 12

Hours!!

The Red Bus Boys and co - celebrating another fine mission (above)

The sea of bags outside cathedral court (above) and Gill Venables, Student Affairs Officer, co-ordinating the

whole day (above right).Photos: Nadine Al-Said

Gavin Bermann reports back on the

busiest day of the year.

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2 News Thursday 24th September 1998 n

News in Brief9 Arrested For Omagh

BombingNine men have been arrested on suspicion of planting the

Omagh bomb. Early morning raids on several houses were

made in a joint operation by Irish police and the RUC.

The men have not been charged, and security sources willonly say they are being questioned about serious crime.

However, it is understood to be in connection with the

atrocity, which killed 29 people last month.

Police in Dublin were led to three suspects by the maroon

coloured car used in the attack, stolen some days earlier.

All nine are being held under legislation rushed through

the UK and Irish parliaments in response to the tragedy. It

allows courts to convict people who senior police officers

believe are members of paramilitary organisations.

Tab To Shift The FlabDubbed the Viagra of Obesity the latest wonder drug

was launched earlier this week.

Xenical is a tablet which stops the body digesting eaten fat

and was launched by the Royal Society of Medicine on

Monday.

Like Viagra it has been criticised for the expense it will

inflict on the NHS. There are also concern about the drugs

safety, which costs more than 1.50 per day when pre-

scribed.

Ford Cant Afford Its

WorkersFactory workers at the famous Dagenham Ford plant in

Essex are to have their hours cut. For six weeks the man-

ual staff will work the production lines for just four days a

week. The move is in response to declining exports. 4000

Employees will spend the 5th day doing other tasks and in

training.

100m World Record Holder

DiesFlorence Griffiths, the fastest women to run the 100m has

died.

While most women sprint the distance in just under 11 sec-

onds Griffiths managed 10.49 in 1988. She was accused of

drug taking but vigorously denied it. When threatened

with testing for dope she promptly retired, thereby retain-

ing the title and becoming immune from investigation. She

was killed earlier this week by an apparent heart attack.

University: Coursework is

BadIts official. London University has admitted that doinghomework can cause extreme tensions. Unfortunately

Dr Susan Hallam and Dr Richard of the Institute of

Education are only referring to the under 12s. They say it

can ruin family life, especially at weekends. (-we say the

research should be widened to include students -News Ed)

Dear Barefacts,

I, like many other similar minded people, attended the

Union free band this Sunday, and I would like to say how

thoroughly appaling the event was. At first, all the bars were

shut except one, preventing gagging students getting a

drink. This was tantamount to inciting a riot. The first thing

people want when they go to the Union is a drink, and to be

denied it by incompetent bureaucrats who cant work outwhen bar staff are needed is really, really bad.

It got worse though, when the drinks were actually served.

Almost everyone who bought something commented on

how rough it tasted. Was there a dead rat in the taps? Was

she running the bar? Its a sad state of affairs when the

freshers first trip to the Union would have left a sour taste

in their mouths.

So, I got my poisoned Guiness and went to sit back down

with my friends. But theyd all been called up to work

behind the bar, so instead, I decided to go and cover myself

with some young, fresh faces. I spent two hours searching

for a fresher, but everyone there seemed to be a pervy old

second year. Now, excuse me for thinking ahead, but does

this mean that this years freshers are going to spend the

whole of their lives hiding in their rooms on campus, afraid

to come out because they might meet someone interesting?

The band was jolly good though.

Vincent Cancellor.

To prevent themselves from being strapped for cash ( literal-

ly) UK universities must offer a larger range of degrees over

the Internet, especially if they wish to compete in the

expanding international education market, said Britains

most influential education adviser on Monday.

Lord Dearing, a man who originally ignored the financial

potential of international students, wrote in a special edition

of Economic Affairs, With the Internet, the World Wide

Web and the arrival of broad-bandwidth networks, the

pieces will be be in placeto change the game fundamen-

tally.

Lord Dearing also warns that the U.S and Australia togeth-

er catch more than 500,000 overseas students every year. He

also states, in his capacity of Chair of the National

Committee of Inquiry into Higher Education, that there is

scope for more partnerships between private companies and

Britains universities. Lord Dearing now maintains that

Britain ( a country that offers gold standard degrees) must

get a slice of the international student cake, a cake that is

now worth up to 40 billion.

However, keeping British students in the UK is as much as

a problem as attracting foreign ones, and so Lord Dearings

announcements have made various Vice-Chancellors a little

bit jumpy. They are also concerned about unwanted compe-

tition from foreign universities, and this caused a group of

them to join together in discussion. In the U.S, universities

already run a total of fifteen Internet-based degree pro-

grammes aimed at European students.

It is likely that Internet-based degrees will make many

Universities into potential gold mines. This is because uni-

versities supplying such a service will get tons of cash from

students, in particular those from overseas, without having

to see them or cater for them on university campus.

Instead, international Net students will be staring at a mon-

itor whilst sipping piping hot tea and tickling a family pets

chin. I imagine that universities offering such a learning

experience will get a nice pat on the back from various tele-

phone companies.

So, hats off to Net degrees; all of the education without any

of the tedious entertainment and alcohol. From now on, the

only sound we will hear on campus will be university tills

going, KERR-CHING!.

John Dear

Letters Net Degrees?Oh Dearing!

The Red Bus Boys capture yet another hostage.

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3n Thursday 24th September 1998The first of the new look Union events on

display this year was Outrage. Outrage is a

Wednesday special, a possible successor to

the phenomenally popular perennial

favourite, Silly Night. The idea is to shock,

outrage, and induce nauseous vomiting in

anyone who walks through the door of the

Union. On the strength of last weeks event,

it could well become one of the Unions top

nights. It pulled a modest crowd, standingup well against pressure from the

ManUtd.inc.Ltd. v. Barcelona match.

It opened with a dark boudoir on stage and

the sound of little Japanese men and women

grunting and screaming, but this turned out

to be little more than an incredibly violent

and bitter series of Tekken 3 fights. Free

beer was given away to the winner of these

brawls, but this was mere lubrication for the

horror to come.

A girl from the audience was invited up to

take part in a new electronic game. She was

asked to sit on what was called a Rucking

Bronco in the middle of the Black Boudoir.

As she got comfortable, a greasy, sweaty

engineer, built like a Big Mac,

connected two huge cables togeth-

er and Jeremy the Rucking

Bronco reared up from his moor-

ings and started playing Hold on

to my handles with the unsus-

pecting volunteer. She screamed,whether with delight or terror we

will never know, while the

Rucking Bronco performed

vicious ecstatic undulations

between her thighs.

The audience was agog and slight-

ly ill. The men could only watch

as girl after girl was sacrificed to

this vibrating beast. As the

evening drew on, Jeremy the

bouncing mannequin proved his

ability to move so much that no

girl could sit on him. The blokes

got their chance of an equally

rewarding ride when a scantily

clad female bronco replaced the

now surely exhausted Jeremy. The malepopulation of the Union, elected officers

included, could hardly contain themselves.

When the evening finally due to a close,

people tried to drag their melted spinal

columns down to Bojangles. But the seeds

of Outrage had already been planted. No-

one would ever walk properly again.

Romeo and JulietThis film will be showing on Thursday 24

september at 6.30pm and 9pm

LT G and will be FREE.

Priority will be given to Freshers but there is

no need to book so you can

come along and see Leonardo Dicaprio and

Clare Danes in one of the best

films of last year - for FREE.

Air Force OneWill be showing on Sunday 27th at 5pm and

8pm and on 28th at 8pm. Harrison

Ford stars as the U.S President James

Marshall in a heart stopping action

thriller. A Russian terrorist group claims

responsibility for the

hijacking of the presidents plane and threat-

ens to kill all 50 passengers,

including the first family and several cabi-

net members if their demands

arent met. Starring Harrison Ford and Gary

Oldman.

Arts CinemaNicholas and AlexandraIn the year in which the Tsar and his family

were finally laid to rest,

USAC is proud to open its Autumn season

with this epic story of joy,

sorrow, war and revolution. Starring

Michael Redgrave, Iam Holm and

Laurence Olivier. Showing at 8pm on

Wednesday 30th of September

LT G.

Please see the OFU notice board in the

union for further details. Buy your

season ticket during freshers week at the fair

or at the films for a reduced rate

Outrage? I nearly coughed.

The worlds biggest producer of genetically

modified crops has been bombarding us

with a multi-million pound advertising cam-paign in recent weeks. Full-page press

adverts by Monsanto, the worlds seventh

biggest company, have been seeking to per-

suade us that there is no problem with the

genetically modified crops it is developing.

Yet of late there has been a string of reports

which show exactly why we cannot trust

profit driven companies like Monsanto.

Evidence has emerged that genes - put in

crops like rapeseed and maize to make them

resistant to weedkiller can spread to weeds.

The result could be a new type of super-

weed, immune to existing controls. This

could cut the yields of the very crop the new

gene was supposed to boost.

Monsantos most profitable business is usinggenetic engineering to make crops resistant

to its Roundup pesticide. Genes can spread

from one crop to another through cross-fer-

tilisation between plants, with pollen carried

by wind. Bees also carry pollen from one

plant to another. Beekeepers warned last

week that they are worried new genes could

end up in the honey that bees produce.

Some of the genes involved are designed to

make crops resistant to certain antibiotics

which are widely used in agriculture.

Humans eating honey containing such genes

could find they become more resistant to

antibiotics too, with worrying medical con-

sequences. Biotechnology companies like

Monsanto have long claimed that such wor-

ries are misplaced. But recently research byone of the worlds top agricultural science

institutes painted a very different picture.

The Rowett Institute in Aberdeen had been

conducting a series of trials with types of

genetically modified potato. They found

that in some cases when the modified pota-

to was fed to rats it significantly lowered the

effectiveness of their immune system. Therecould be a similar risk to humans.

In the right hands genetic modification

could prevent millions of people from starv-

ing to death, as at present we cant feed the

worlds population. There is no reason why

modern science could not be used to further

modify crops for all our benefit. But under

the present economic climate huge compa-

nies which are only interested in profit push

through new genetically modified crops

without proper research and debate. Their

only concern is to get the crops approved for

sale as quickly as possible and so make vast

profits.

Governments could and should step in toimpose a ban on genetically modified crops

until the necessary research and debate have

taken place. Yet instead they bend to pres-

sure from big businesses. This is the case in

Britain with the business friendly New

Labour government. The head of the gov-

ernments Environment agency Lord De

Ramsey, is supposed to ensure the environ-

ment is protected. Yet at the same time he is

being paid by Monsanto to allow part of his

6,500 acre estate near Huntingdon to be

used to grow sugar beet which has been

genetically modified.

The governments advisory committee on

releasing genetically modified crops into the

environment was set up in 1992. The com-mittee has not refused a single application

from big business to release such a crop.

Friends of the Earth recently pointed to one

reason which might explain why. Eight of

the committees 13 members are linked with

the biotechnology industry.

WHY WE CANT TRUST GIANT MULTINATIONALSby Nick Walsh

Have your hair cut if you dare-

we will Fudge it up!

Hairtec24 Madrid Road

(01483)440414

Do you need somewhere quiet to study? Do

you need somewhere you can get guidance

and counselling when you need it? Do you

want full access to Internet resources

backed-up with tutorial support? Well, the

Universitys latest advice seems to be to go

to Tesco. As part of a 160,000 deal with

Guildford library, Tesco, and the Spectrum

Centre, Surrey is planning to start a chain of

UNICAFEs, a brand new type of cyber-

cafe. The pilot UNICAFE is being hosted

by the Guildford branch of Tesco, and will

be open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week once

its opened in Spring 1999. Advice and

guidance will be available at specified

times, and students will be able to study

interactively on the Net. If the cafe is

actually of any use, more will follow in the

town library and Spectrum leisure centre,

so no matter where you go, you can always

take your books with you - great! And

before someone says this is all a waste of

money, you dont need to worry - the pro-

ject is being funded entirely by a grant from

the European Social Fund. Tesco ... every

little helps. Matt Cook

Learn While you shop

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4 Features Thursday 24th September 1998 n

If I had the opportunity to redo my degree, I would choose

a far easier course. Something along the lines of Crush

Science. Is that a BSc, BA or HND (Answers on a post-

card)? I could easily get a first. Any gorgeous girl I see, and

I am in love.

However, I am finding the modules on Relationship

Engineering and Relationship Management a tad too dif-

ficult to understand. The tutors are not very encouraging,

but the recommend textbooks are far from comprehensive.Fortunately, those nice people in the States have realised

that wisdom comes out of the mouth of babes. Babes, as in

Cleopatra the pop group not Cleopatra the Egyptian Queen.

To find out if this were true, they decided to carry out an in-

depth investigation. A lot of children were questioned on

love. The result of the survey resulted in Building and

Maintaining a Relationship for Dummies.

Is Love a good thing?

Im in favour of love as long as it doesnt happen when The

Simpsons is on television.

Anita, age 6

If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I

dont want to do it. It takes too long.

Leo, age 7

I have found an object of desire? How do I make them love

me.

Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores.

Del, age 6

Dont do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might

get the attention, but attention aint the same thing as love.

Alonzo, age 9

One way is to take a girl out to eat. Make sure its something

she like to eat. French fries usually work for me.

Bart, age 9

Ive asked said date out. What now?

On the first date, just tell each other lies, and that usually

gets them interested enough to go on a second date.

Mike, age 10

Whats the best way to kiss?

You learn it right on the spot when the gooshy feelings getthe best of you. Doug, age 7

How does one make love endure?

Dont forget your girlfriends name...That will mess up love.

Roger, 8

We really love each other. When do we get married?

84, because at that age you dont have to work anymore, and

you can spend all your time loving each other in your bed-

room.

Judy, age 8

(This is incredibly interesting for an 8 year old)

Finally, do you think being single is better than being

attached?

Its better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need

someone to clean up after them.Lynette, age 9

It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. Im just a

kid. I dont need that kind of trouble.

Kenny, 7

Thats cleared up a lot of doubts about the theoretical aspect

of the course. I just hope I get a good mark for the practical

lab sessions.

Pravin Jeyaraj

WE KNOWYOURE BROKESOWHY NOT BOG OFF!

(Buy One Get One For Free)Cattershall Lane, Godalming

Buy 1 Cider Cocktail (aprox A.B.V 8%) and get 1 FREE

Buy 3 pints of larger or ale and get 1 free T-shirt.

Name the cats, the dog the parrot and the GHOST - first cor-rect answer wins a T-shirt.

All offers available 7.30-9pm

EVERY NIGHT

EXCEPT MONDAYS AND WEDNESDAYS

WHERE IS THE RAM?

Off the A3100 between Guildford and Godalming. Turn left into

Cattershall Road, take second left after the Boathouse, then turn

immediately right, then left.

By train: The Ram is 8 minutes walk from Farncombe Station

which is one stop from Guildford on the Porstmouth line.

The Ram,THE PUB WITH A DIFFERENCE

Tel (421093)

........ SO, WHAT POSITIONS OF RESPON-

SIBILITY HAVE YOU HELD.....

GET SOME MANAGEMENT EXPERIENCE

NOW!!!

WE HAVE 5 PLACES AVAILABLE ON A MAN-

AGEMENT SKILLS PLACEMENT PRO-GRAMME.

SHOW THE EMPLOYERS YOU CAN DO

THE JOB

FOR 2 hours, ONCE A WEEK YOU CAN

RECEIVE A CERTIFICATE IN MANAGMENT

SKILLS (MINIMUM OF 6 WEEKS PARTICIPA-

TION)

HAVE IMPROVED YOUR COMMUNICATION

SKILLS

HAVE GAINED UNDERSTANDING OF THE

LOCAL EDUCATION SECTOR

HAVE THE VALUABLE WORK EXPERIENCE

THAT EMPLOYERS ARE SAYING THEY

WANT!

Placements begin 19th October 1998. Application

forms are available from Educational Liaison

Centre. Room 15 floor 5 Senate House,or call

Mary on 9920 for more information.

Relationships

Welcome back to the University of Surrey where

for most students three months, or a quarter of theyear will be spent on summer holiday. But how

exactly did you spend the last three months?

Working in a crumby supermarket, sheltering

from the rain, or waiting for A-level results? My

summer was spent sailing and driving speed boats

on a lake in North America with plenty or oppor-

tunity for white-water rafting, whale watching,

wind surfing (and lots of other things not begin-

ning with W), and a week exploring Boston and

New York. Lucky for some I hear lots of pen-

niless students grumbling, but the best part of my

summer is that it did not cost me a thing. The

secret...a working holiday on a childrens summer

camp organised by Camp-America. I now have

friends to visit all over the world, a brilliant tan

and something really good to put on my CV. I also

swear that I will never spend another summer inEngland.

The reason for writing this article is not simply to

gloat over those people who worked their arses

off at some crap job all summer and spent every

penny they earned down the pub with their old

mates from home, but to say that if you are at all

tempted to look for something more exciting for

summer 1999 dont just think about it and wait

for the weather to get warm again before you do

anything about it, (you could be here for ever if

this summers weather is anything to go by) start

looking now.

I decided back in February that I had grown out

of family holidays and it was time to do some-

thing about the fact that I had never been on anaeroplane before, and so I started to look for pos-

sible alternatives. Here are some of the opportu-

nities that I discovered, most of which had

already been filled by the end of March:

Jobs in Europe....bar work, bar work and more

bar work...running hot-air balloon trips in

France...Au-pair and Nannying...PGL holidaycamps for children...teaching English...holiday

reps.

Advantages- English language speakers are often

very much in demand.

- You dont need a Visa or work permit in a anoth-

er EU country.

Disadvantages- You usually need to speak anoth-

er language fairly f luently.

Jobs in the USA.... Childrens summer

camps...theme parks...Au-pair and

Nannying...holiday reps..conservation pro-

grammes...holiday camps.

Advantages- They speak English (apparently).

- There are lots of well established organisations

who will help you find work and sort out

all the bits of paper.Disadvantages- You need a Visa and work permit.

- You have to be twenty-one to drink alcohol.

Places to look for more information and contact

include the University careers library and Job

Shop, BUNAC, the Inter-net, Camp America, and

vacancies abroad sections magazines (particular-

ly The Lady if you are after Au-pair or

Nannying work).

A few last words of advice:

-Talk to everyone, you never know whose uncle

runs a bar in Thailand.

-Go with and established organisation who can

ensure you work and transport and help you to

organise any permits or Visas.

-Pass your exams, you cant come back half waythrough the summer for resits.

-Get a job now because you will probably spend

every penny you earn.

-Dont leave it too late, because believe me there

are plenty of other people looking for summer

work abroad.

Your Future

What did you do last summer?

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Features 5Thursday 24th September 1998 n

MUDHONEY

London, The Garage 11/9/98

It was back in 88 when

Mudhoney released their

Touch Me Im Sick single

and the Superfuzz Bigmuff

album, both defining

moments in the era that

became known as grunge.The album still remains one

of the highpoints of the Sub

Pop catalogue. Here they are

more than a decade later and

the band have not strayed far

from that original blueprint

for their sound, still sounding

like the bastard offspring of

the Stooges and the Sonics.

Perhaps they have taken the

time to slow down on occa-

sion, but little more. This set

is basically a showcase for

their forthcoming

Tomorrow Hits Today

album, with the majority of

the set being new songs,somewhat to the disappoint-

ment of the majority of the

crowd. The best of these new

songs is the recent single

Night Of The Hunted and the majority of them certainly are better on first appearance than

the material from their previous album. The crowd goes mental when the band play the

older material, Touch Me Im Sick obviously getting the biggest response. For the first

song of the encore, Good Enough the band are joined by Holly Golightly from Thee

Headcoatees, reprising a role she played with Rocket From The Crypt a few weeks ago.

Overall, this was a good show from Mudhoney, not great but certainly entertaining. I doubt

Mudhoney will ever be major players, they are a good band with a few great tunes, but they

will always be remembered for those songs. Rob Winder

REGULAR FRIES 13/9/98Live! In your union

Regular Fries are a new attempt in contemporary music to try and get away from the clichs

which are so glaringly present in the way many people perceive how a band should

approach all aspects of their act. Such as the way they come across on stage and the way

they sound. What you would call a head band as opposed to a heart band, in that they are a

large part the brainchild of former NME journalist Paul Moody. They are a nine piece who

comprise two vocalists, bass, drums, guitar, moog, keyboards, xylophone, and another per-

son who all add together to make a groove based, highly layered wall of sound. During the

interview they seemed a highly intelligent group, who seemed determined to avoid all thebanality of modern band stereotypes.

The band is now signed to Junior Boys Own (JBO), a highly respected dance label, home

to amongst others Underworld. They have been together just over a year, and have released

three records. The first was the joint double A side with Campag Velocet, called Dust It

Dont Bust It, which now retails at about 50, respectably gaining single of the week in the

NME. This was then re-released earlier this year and they are now touring to promote the

new free the Regular Fries EP which is released on the 21st September. When asked how

big they would like to get they promptly reply as big as INXS, so not lacking in ambition,

or irony either for that matter.

On Sunday night there was a good crowd considering that on campus there was only the

fourth years, but for the first time this year, the Union was opened up to people outside the

University, who are able to see small bands. This can only be a good thing as there is a

shortage of venues in Guildford, for the relatively new bands to play. Also new to Sunday

nights is that there is now two bands, rather than one, it should be a good opportunity to get

student bands to play in front of a willing audience. The support band tonight were calledHipslinky, a good time band, reminiscent of Reef, and maybe a loved up Pearl Jam, featur-

ing a drummer unafraid to get naked and a singer unafraid to talk meaningless babble in-

between songs, which can only be a novel yet good thing.

The Fries, trying a multimedia approach with television screens showing nothing really in

particular, trying to stimulate all the senses, at once. Having the audience hear the sounds,

see the band and the television screens, smell the incense which got sprayed and the dry ice

which you could taste (not quite so salient though that one). The first song Fries walk with

Me melds into the second song (sic) The Prayer which the band say is about the history

of the world, these t racks are by their own admission beyond politics, beyond specifics, butprobably about drugs. Each of the six songs played form a continuum of dub beats, spoken

and sung vocals thats difficult to separate into songs, but which climaxes in Dust it dont

bust it, a five minute plus sprawl through dirty atmospherics and dry ice. Throughout the

set its dance music which you cant really dance to, more an assured shuffle, but a good set

by an interesting band, even at times i t does seem more form than content.

Free the Regular Fries EP is out on Monday 21st.

By Nick Walsh

Skills DevelopmentDo you find presentations particularly

stressful? Worried about how you will

come across to others or that you wont

know what to say? Help yourself to take the

fear out of giving talks by coming along to

Presentations for the Petrified. This is aworkshop designed to give you extra confi-

dence for the future in an informal learning

environment and takes place on Friday 2

October between 12 noon and 2pm.

Also taking place soon is Activating

Assertiveness - Tuesday 29 September

between 6pm and 8pm and A beginners

guide to training on Wednesday 7

October between 2pm and 4pm. To get

more info or to sign up to these free ses-

sions, contact Rodney Bates by e-mail

(R.Bates@surrey.ac.uk) or phone ext. 3177.

(Finally, will those people who talked about

Tourism in Spain, Bill Clinton,

Community Care, Health/Illness and This

Summer at a recent workshop please

contact me asap).

Being at the Spice Girls final show of the

Spiceworld tour was the biggest high of my

life. Not least because their music and per-sonality has defined the latter half of the

nineties.

As they entered from a spaceship, I knew

straightaway that this was going to be Out-

of-this-world experience. The background

music morphed into If you cant dance,

which sounds a hundred times better live

than recorded. Mel B (or is that G) took over

Geris vocals with an ease found only in

infant school maths.

Naked was bound to get testosterone lev-

els rising, as the girls performed (apparent-

ly) naked but with chairs covering the inter-

esting bits.

The girls constantly teased the audience,

and made jokes about Mel B and Victorias

growing waistlines, before launching intoToo Much.

A deafening cheer rocked the very founda-

tion of the stadium as Emma told Mel B that

her solo single Want You Back had gone

into the charts at Number One.

You could never tell that there had been a

fifth member. Not only had Geri been care-

fully edited out of most of the videos play-

ing on the screens behind the group, but

every voice of every song combined to form

a harmonising peace that the UN can onlydream off.

Sweetness reigned when Emma picked a lit-

tle boy out of the crowd to sing her special-

ity - the cover of the Supremes Baby Love

(probably the best of Spice solos). But it

was Mel Cs voice that was clearly the

strongest out of the four.

All the old favourites were played, from the

in-yer-face Wannabe, the discotastique

Who Do You Think You Are? and the gui-

tar-based Generation Next to the heaven-

ly sounds of the ballads (2 Become 1,

Viva Forever, and Too Much). And

everything in between. Mel C and B

excelled at the rendition of Sisters are

Doing it For Themselves

The Spice Girls made Chics We AreFamily into a classic sound, followed by a

burst of fireworks closed the show after two

hours.

As I left the stadium, I noticed the inane

grins on the younger fans faces. Combining

this vision with my own feeling of warmth

inside, I concluded that the Spice Girls are

from dead. Indeed, they shall live forever.

SPICE GIRLS - Wembley Stadium

Im finding it increasingly difficult to

squash water bottles. The new Evian 2 litres

are practically impossible. This problem

has developed dramatically in the past few

days ever since I lost my pet squirrel Volvic,

squashed mercilessly by my best friends

lime green Capri. Please help.Confused and pining,

Wey 2

Dear Confused and Pining,

You mustnt feel alone. Many people go

through the pain of losing a loved one, and

find different ways of coping. Looking on

the bright side, squashing water bottles

before you throw them away is an excellent

example of waste management. Why not

convert your frustration into an eco plight,

and persuade others to help you crush your

bottles? This way you find sympathy inyour suffering, fight for the eco well being

of the planet, and reduce those nasty slag

heaps. While youre at it try to persuade

your best friend to ride a bicycle. Because

lime green is an offensive colour.

Yours in empathy, Squealer

Dear Squealer

8/9/2019 Barefacts (1998-1999) - 3

6/12

PLACEBO - You Dont

Care About Us (Hut)

After their song about

friends with breasts and all

the rest little Brian turns

his attention to people that

dont care. The sound seems

to have regressed back totheir early singles with

Bruise Pristine being an

easy comparison. So he

rhymes age with rage

but apart from that this is

another good few minutes of

whiny vocals and stressed

guitars. 8/10 A.T.

WONDERLAND -

Children Of The Sun

One look at the press release

confirms the worst, they are

a band that hang around

Camden Town a lot. The

music itself is very bratpop

but not really good enoughto shake the scene too much.

7/10 F.F

KINGS OF RHYTHM -

Bomb Da Loop (D:Disco)

At first look at this single I

found myself thinking that

this was a single that I was

going to hate but Im

pleased to announce that I

was pleasantly surprised.This is single is the better

end of Bos music which

is really rather good. It

sound a little bit like a

Renegade Master type thing

to me. 7/10 I.P.

DUB PISTOLS-Cyclone

(Concrete)

A pretty average dancey

type track made a little bit

funky by a trumpet to give a

laid-back feel. B-sides

include various remixes

including two by Stretch &

Vern, which while are pret-

ty bog standard, do havetheir moments. 6/10 D.N.

THE BEAUTIFUL

SOUTH - Perfect 10

At last a song that appears to

have been written with

anorexics in mind. The girl

described in the song is a

perfect ten but hides in a

size twelve. Not an unusual

situation I guess but the use

of this for a song (and by a

male band) has to be a bitstrange. Top marks for

group bravery but I dont

find the song that easy to lis-

ten to and it isnt anything

unusual. Basically it is a one

track single, has a rhythm

and some words sung

scratchily over the top. 5/10

G.T.

TUFF JAM - Need Good

Love (XL)

Top UK garage producers

and Kiss FM DJs combine

soulful vocals over a pump-

ing bassline, usual dance

rhythm, and 80s synths.Not bad, but typical of the

monotonous stuff littering

the UKs charts at the

moment. 5/10 J.R.H

AGE OF LOVE - Age of

Love (React)

First released 8 years ago,

this is an oldie which has

won loads of acclaim

throughout the years. It has

now been remixed by

Brainbug and JohnnyVicious to reasonable

effects. If you liked it the

first time round youll like

this too, if you thought it

was poor, well dont bother

then. A reasonable but

repetitive 5 / 10 M.D.

REGULAR FRIES - Free

The Regular Fries (JBO)

The vocals are very interest-

ing, seeming calming and

effortless, almost to being

slightly out of tune.

Unfortunately the group

have decided to add an

inescapable (and annoying)beat, which takes over the

whole track, ruining what

could have been a decent

song. Lock up the Regular

Fries, dont free them! 3/10

E.C.

SPINESHANK - Strictly Diesel

(Roadrunner)

Strictly Diesel starts off with a very

Nine Inch Nails type intro, which after

about 30 seconds, dissipates into

Sepultura-esk vocals. The NIN style

backing continues throughout the

album, with the initial vocals on the

7th track 40 Below sounding some-

thing nearer Marilyn Manson. Its

worth buying for the groups interpreta-

tion of George Harrisons While MyGuitar Gently Weeps on its own, let

alone with songs like Intake,

Detached and Grey. An outstand-

ing album. 9/10 E.C.

TRAFFIC - An Introduction to

heavenly music

Traffic are a fun group. The album

starts with a warm 60s rock sound and

then follows up with an acoustic song.

Traffic would probably be even better

when seen live. The whole album

sounds great and would be a really

good CD for a long drive. The style of

music doesnt demand your attention

but it is well worth listening too. A lit-

tle different. 8/10 G.T.

FAITHLESS - Sunday 8pm (Cheeky

Records)Faithless are back, with a new album

and single. The single being God is a

DJ. The album is based on home and

personal relationships. Every track is

different and explores a different

aspect of the theme, a perfect reflec-

tion of any of our lives at any

moment, is how they describe it,

which seems appropriate. Beautiful

varied music. 8/10 M.D.

SWELL-For All The Beautiful

People (Beggars Banquet)

It seems wierd to find a band with the

gentle, sublime kookiness of

Sparklehorse and penchant for

obscure organ and synth noises akin to

Nick Cave. The tracks vary from

very calm, to the slightly rocky, and to

the downright bizzarre. O.K so thisband may not go very far, but if you

find yourself enjoying the song sung

by Oscar the talking piano, then you

will probably follow them for life.

8/10 D.N.

SALAKO - Reinventing

Punctuation (Jeepster)

An impressive collection of catchy

tunes and imaginative lyrics that will

brighten the dullest of days! These

guys have what thousands of bands

around the world seem to have forgot-

ten is one of the essential ingredients

to making good music.. ORIGINALI-

TY!! However, sometimes the guys go

a bit over the top, and you begin to

wonder if youre stereo is playing up...

so, if you like a bit creativity, buy

this...if you dont..well dont. 8/10

G.C.

LOCK STOCK AND TWO SMOK-

ING BARRELS OST - V/A (Island)

Highlights here include Fools Gold

by the Stone Roses and I Wanna Be

Your Dog by the Stooges, also check

out the intercut dialogues from the

film... better than Pulp Fiction???

ummm.... go and see for yourself!!

7/10 G.C.

UNKLE - Psyence Fiction (Mo

Wax)

DJ James Lavelle together with semi-

nal atonal hip hop producer and com-

poser DJ Shadow produce this 12

twelve track album. It features some of

the most notable names around today

such as Richard Ashcroft, Thom

Yorke, Mike D of the Beastie Boys,

Jason Newstead of Metallica amongst

others. A large part of the album

sounds as good as should do on paper,

especially on the couple with strings

arranged by Will Malone who did the

strings for Massive Attacks

Unfinished Sympathy. The album is

let down though by second rate

American alternative sounding trash

from artists like Badly Drawn Boy and

Alice Temple. The album is very dark

sounding and maybe too claustropho-

bic for my liking. If your in the right

mood then this is the perfect sound-

track. 7/10 N.W.

NATALIE MERCHANT - Ophelia

(Elektra)

The second solo album from the for-

mer leader of 10,000 Maniacs sees

Natalie Merchant taking a new

approach to her music. Ophelia is

perhaps best described as a collection

of folk songs, however these are

backed by lush arrangements includ-

ing orchestras and multi-layered har-

monies performed by a host of guest

musicians. Natalie Merchant is proba-bly the forerunner of the likes of Jewel

and Sarah McLachlan. Ophelia is by

no means a pop album, it requires a

great deal of attention to fully appreci-

ate its beauty, but that attention cer-

tainly has its reward. 7/10 R.W.

PURESSENCE - Only Forever

(Island)

Puressence are epic, with towering

vocals and classical rock guitar. First

track Sharpen Up The Knives relies

on the old trick of quiet-loud-quiet-

loud, although in a far smoother way

than most bands. An easy reference

point (especially with the use of

strings) is Geneva, or Mansun at their

less eclectic moments. The lyrical con-

tent is the usual array of real emotions,

which sounds as powerful or as

cliched as you feel. On the whole

though Only Forever is a thoroughly

moving album, but not one for Friday

nights. 7/10 A.T.

FREE - Walk In My Shadow: An

Introduction to... (Island)

As the title suggests this CD is devised

to introduce new listeners to the music

of Free, and I suspect Island hope it

will lead to back catalogue sales.

Wishing Well is undoubtedly the best

known song here, but Fire And

Water and Heartbreaker highlight

the band at their best. The combinationof Paul Rodgers bluesy voice and

Paul Kossofs electrifying guitar play-

ing were the basis of Free and are

worth hearing. A worthwhile introduc-

tion to the band, but still a cynical

marketing excersise. 6/10 R.W.

RODDY FRAME - The North Star

(Independiente)

5 albums down the road, Frame is

finally ready for his first solo outing.

Reknowned for his clever lyrics, these

are definitely still apparent, but all too

often the catchy hooks of previous

work are missing. Furtherly, his, often

over-complicated lyrics, sound

forced into the music. Beautiful,

these words may be, but out of place

they more often are. Although these

jangly guitar-pop poems seldom hit

the mark, there are one or two high-

lights. Slightly disappointing. 6/10J.R.H

JOHN MARTYN - An Introduction

To Serendipity (Island)

Mr Martyn has produced an album of

simple and soulful songs. All the

songs seem to be a variation on the

same recurring theme, and becomes a

bit tedious after a few spins. 5/10

O.C.

SNOW PATROL - Songs For

Polarbears (Jeepster)

Its all very lo-fi but has the unfortunateproperty that you cant hear the lyrics

well. It sounds a bit like Pavement and

a lot like Sebadoh. An uninspiring

affair. 5/10 I.P.

BILLY BRAGG & WILCO -

Mermaid Avenue (Elektra)

This isnt Billy Bragg at his best, it

doesnt compare with songs such as

Waiting For The Great Leap

Forward. What we have here is Billy

Bragg doing, what he describes as

Folk, and Im not overly impressed.

3/10 G.D.

VIC CHESNUTT - Replenished

(Pinnacle)

The only good thing worth mentioning

is the albums artwork. O.C 3/10

6 Music Thursday 24th September 1998 n

SINGLES

DELAKOTA - Cmon Cincinnati (Go Beat)

Re-released single to tie in with Delakotas first album

One Love released on the 21st. September. The first time

round it was only a limited edition white label record. A

funky laid back groove, with raw, yet melodic singing over

the top. Not as good as previous single The Rock, which

was the single of the summer. The new album promises to

be one of the year from a group who arent afraid to exper-

iment. 8/10 N.W.

SINGLE OF THE WEEK

ALBUMSPULSARS - Pulsars (Almo)

More knowing lo-fi, synchro pop

wizardry from Midwest America,

this time courtesy of Pulsars.

Lucky Day Part 2 is gorgeously

desperate with faux punk tenden-

cies, while Das Lifeboat shim-

mers with a Tony Visconti (Bowie)

orchestral strings arrangement.

Cleverly they frame many of songs

within retro technology imagery -

not of course clever in its own

right, but given the influence of

retro technology in producing the

myriad of swirls and croons joining

the gaps between squeaks and

bleeps, it is. Indeed Technology

mourns wasted love with a fuzzed

up eighties synchro intro recalling

New Order. 9/10 D.J.

ALBUM OF THE WEEK

This weeks reviews by:

Denise Nicolson, Ian Purvey, Frank

Fraulo, Nick Walsh, Emma Clark,

Andrew Thomas, Mario Dias, Gemma

Decent, Georgina Tarrant, Rob Winder,

Gabriel-Oliver Chanero, James

Hemingway, and Daniel Jones

8/9/2019 Barefacts (1998-1999) - 3

7/12

Thursday

1st

Friday

25

th

Saturday

26th

Sund

ay

27th

Monday

28th

Tuesd

ay

29th

Wednesday

30th

Entertainments Guide 7n Thursday 24th September 1998 GIG GUIDEIt is always advisable to confirm with the

venue before travelling.

Friday

2nd

Saturda

y

3rd

Cineline - (01483) 578017

21.00 Game On

18.00 TFI Friday21.00 Friends22.00 Frasier23.05 South Park

22.25 The X-Files

17.25 TOTP 2

22.30 Never Mind theBuzzcocks21.00 Film : TheProfessionals

20.00 Ballykissangel23.30 Heart of the Matter

18.45 Star Trek : Voyager22.50 Film : Shaft

12.25 & 23.20Luxembourg Grand Prix

23.25 Chicago Hope

21.30 Red Dwarf

21.00 Liverpool 1

21.00 Film: Trade Off

20.00 Match of the Day22.35 Film: Airplane

20.00 The Bill21.00 Supply & Demand

22.00 Ultraviolet

22.00 Smith and Jones22.35 Film: Jaws

18.00 Star Trek :TNG

14.30 THe Big Match

22.00 Ally Mc Beal

22.20 Clive Anderson Alltalk

21.30 Undercover Heart

21.00 Third Rock From theSun

15.55 Scoobydoo

19.30 TOTP20.00 Fawlty Towers

18.00 The Simpsons21.30 Game on21.00 Friends

18.00 TFI Friday23.35 SouthPark

MISERY LOVES COMPANY, IRONMONKEY, MEDULLA NOCTE -London Garage (0181 9630940)

REGULAR FRIES - Reading Alleycat(0118 956 1116)

ME FIRST AND THE GIMMEGIMMES - London Garage (0181 9630940)

LAIKA - London Garage (0181 9630940)

REPUBLICA - London Astoria (0171434 0403)RIALTO - London Criterion

BABYBIRD - London PeacockTheatreBETA BAND - Portsmouth

Wedgewood Rooms (01705 863911)SPIKE - London BorderlineDEPECHE MODE - London WembleyArena

BETA BAND - London ElectricBallroomDEPECHE MODE - LondonWembley ArenaSPIKE - London BorderlineTRICKY - Portsmouth PyramidCentre (01705 358608)

DELGADOS, SIX BY SEVEN -London Union Chapel

KING - London Garage (0181 9630940)ROCKET FROM THE CRYPT -Portsmouth Pyramid Centre (01705358608)

ULTRAVIOLENCE, GENERATION X-ED - London Garage (0181 9630940)FUN LOVIN CRIMINALS -Portsmouth Guildhall (01705 824355)

FUN LOVIN CRIMINALS - London

Brixton AcademySPARKLEHORSE - LondonShepherds Bush EmpireONE MINUTE SILENCE - LondonGarage (0181 963 0940)

21.25 The X-Files

22.30 Never mind theBuzzcocks

21.00 Londons Burning

GIGOFTHEWEEK

EELS - London RoyalFestival Hall

INYOURUNION

Electrasy

From Friday 25th Sept toOctober 1st 1998

Fri & Sat (25th / 26th)

Theres Something about Mary13.10 16.00 18.50 21.40

Lethal Weapon 4

12.15 15.15 18.10 21.05

The Horse Whisperer (3h&10-mins)

13.10 16.55 20.35

Saving Private Ryan

12.35 13.30 16.10 17.10 19.50 20.50

Armageddon

15.10 21.10

Dr Doolittle

14.15 16.15

The Land Girls

18.15 20.55

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

14.30 17.00 19.30 22.00

The X-Files

12.30 18.25Lost in Space

11.55

Deep Rising

14.10 16.40 19.15 21.50

Sun - Thurs (27th-1st)Theres Something about Mary

12.25 15.05 17.50 20.40

Lethal Weapon 4

12.15 15.00 17.45 20.30

The Horse Whisperer (3h&10-mins)

12.30 16.00 19.30

Saving Private Ryan

12.10 12.40 15.45 16.10 19.20 19.45

Armageddon

14.30 20.05

Dr Doolittle14.05 16.05

The Land Girls

18.05 20.45

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

13.00 15.30 17.50 20.20

The X-Files

12.00 17.35

Lost in Space

12.35

Deep Rising

13.00 15.35 18.10 20.50

Open Mon - Fri

9:00 - 2.30pm

selling sandwiches,

crisps, drinks andsnacks

8/9/2019 Barefacts (1998-1999) - 3

8/12

8 Features Thursday 24th September 1998 n

What is Nightline?

Nightline is the confidential listening and

information service run for students and by

students at Surrey. We try to 8pm to late and

have a male and female Nightliner on duty

to answer calls ranging from Pizza and Mini

Cab phone numbers to chatting to lonely

students. We also talk to callers about more

serious issues as well as accepting drop in

callers. We offer free condoms including

gay friendly condoms and sell Personal

Attack Alarms for 1. Well even phone you

back if you cant pay for the call..

Where is it?

Our office is discretely located below

Surrey Court reception between Wandle and

Wey houses.

What experience do I need and what will I

get out of it?

None - full training is given, but you do

need to be a certain type of person.

Nightliners need to be caring and sincere,

empathetic, and able to guarantee confiden-

tiality.

As for the benefits read the accompanying

account of being a Nightliner

What commitment is involved?

As much as you like. We can always give

you duties, but equally you can bow out for

a while when work gets too much. There are

opportunities for you to help run the service

if you wish and ultimately become a senior

Nightliner offering support to less experi-

enced members of the service.

Contact

Leave a message on our answer phone inter-

nal: 4747 or external 537210 leave a note in

our pigeon hole in the union, or e-mail us:

nightline@surrey.ac.uk. or come along to

our meetings on Tuesdays at 7pm. 29th Sept

and 6th Oct in TB11 and 13th Oct. in TB22

(AGM)

Being a Nightliner.

I didnt think I would be any good as a

Nightliner, it was my mum who suggested I

should do it. My often spoke to me about

their problems but wasnt sure if I could doit for real. I went for training so I know

what to do in different situations, but at that

point I still wasnt sure if I wanted to actu-

ally do duties. But I stuck with it, and Im

glad I did.

Most duties are quiet. it could just be giv-

ing out a few condoms, a taxi number and

Pizza+ opening hours. But, by doing that

means that potentially you have prevented a

pregnancy and the spread of STDs, ensured

someone arrived home safely and that

another caller had their pizza!

Whoever the caller, knowing that you have

been there providing information or a listen-

ing service for them gives a great sense ofsatisfaction. and, in the morning, you carry

round the fact that you have helped fellow

students.

As well as the feeling of satisfaction, you

also get to meet other students who you

wouldnt have otherwise and friendships

can grow. you will also improve your inter-

personal skills such as communication and

listening skills, and have greater confidence.

All things employers want.

So, whats it like being a Nightliner? it can

be hard work, but the satisfaction it gives

and the skills and f riends gained, more than

make up for it.

Over the summer, your Union has been

working really hard to offer some t raining to

senior residents. You might have met your

senior resident by now - theyre usually the

ones making the most noise! - and if you

havent, I suggest you turn your stereo up

outrageously loud, which will force them to

come and tell you to shut up! Basically,

they are final years or post-graduate stu-dents, living on campus, who agree to help

the court wardens manage the day-to-day

running of accommodation. They try to

keep all the residents under control, from

strongly encouraging people to wash up

their skanky plates to breaking up an ille-

gal party(?).

Ive thought for some time that senior resi-

dents often have to fend for themselves a

bit, and it would be good if we could get

them all in the same room and talk through

some of the problems that regularly crop up

on campus. So a few of us set to work in

devising a training schedule that the Union

could run, in consultation with the wardens.

Senior Residents Training is an interactive

workshop - you actually have to write stuff

down, rather than having a typed hand-out.

It covers topics such as your role, how to

cope with homesickness, noise, parties, dis-

putes and untidiness as well as giving a full

list of other people in University and the

Students Union who are here to help out.

The workshops are presented by Rodney

Bates, the Skills Development Co-ordinator,

who is ably assisted by Dr Mark Biggs, the

warden of University Court, Gill Venables,

Student Affairs Officer and me (Harriet

Sims, President).

The first workshop took place last

Wednesday, to a modest number of budding

residents - thanks to all of you who came

along. It was always going to be a learning

experience, as this is the first time weve

ever attempted this type of training. I have

to say, though, it went fantastically well. I

really enjoyed myself (I love doing Carol

Vordermann stuff on flip-charts), and I think

the training, if nothing else, gave people

something to think about. Im looking for-

ward to meeting more of you at the next

workshop, which promises to be informal,

informative and unmissable.

The next workshop is a repeat of the last

event, and takes place on Wednesday 30thSeptember, from 6-7pm in Lecture Theatre

A. If youre a Senior Resident in need of

some top-quality training, then come along -

you even get to keep the workbook! Dont

forget to bring a pen, but leave your warden

at home!

Senior Residents get Training! Nightline

8/9/2019 Barefacts (1998-1999) - 3

9/12

Notices & Personals 9n Thursday 24th September 1998

NoticesTrolley & Parking

Please, please could all students parking

locally near to the University, park sensibly

and avoid blocking roadways and emer-

gency access routes. The relationship

between the University and the local

Community is very good and mutually ben-

eficial. Many residents in the area find itfairly annoying to have a constant stream of

Tescos trolleys rattling past their windows

and abandoned in their gardens and similar-

ly they do not appreciate clapped out old

student cars parked for months at a time out-

side their homes. If students at least moved

their cars on a regular basis it would save

the residents from looking at the same vehi-

cle for a whole season. As for the trolleys,

well I appreciate that it is a practical way to

get your shopping back to campus but it

would be much appreciated if at the very

least the trolleys for senior residents and

those with special needs were not used.

Do you want to make noise?Do you want to drink beer?

Do you want to get addicted?!

Learn to ring a bell with the University of

Surrey Society of Change

Ringers and before you know it youll be

ringing in the Millennium! You

dont need to be musical, its completely

free, and theres plenty of

opportunity to drink beer in the pub after-

wards!

Interested? Contact ch61hm for details or

see us at Freshers Fair.

Go on, you know you want to - we dont

bite!

Feeling Hungry Yet ?!! Learn some tasty but nutritious recipes

Make new friends Have a laugh

English, foreign or vegetarian - its your

choice

Let a final year do all the hard work

The aim is to provide a course that will run

over 5 weeks to help Freshers with limited

cooking expertise to gain confidence in the

kitchen. The recipes will be simple, quick

and tasty but nutritious, with the emphasis

being on fun. All you need to do is sign up

by contacting Margaret on ms52mp or come

and see us at the Freshers Fair.

Want to teach a fresher to

cook? Impress the freshers with your culinary

skills

Learn some new recipes

Make new friends

Have a laugh

Share your expertise

Develop your communication skills

Put it on your CV

All you need to do is follow a recipe. All

the ingredients will be provided. Help a few

freshers to learn to cook healthy and nutri-

tious food for themselves and receive a cer-

tificate in return. It couldnt be easier! To

let us know if you want to be a Head Chef

contact ma51vv.

Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual SocietyMeetings every Tuesday at 8pm in TB20b

or email lgbsoc@surrey.ac.uk

Nightline AGM:Tuesday 13th October, 7pm TB22.

Attendance by all Nightliners is vital.

Including first years!

Calling all drumers - want to be in a band

call simon 0181 760 5110 or email sscan-

bridge@virtualvillage.co.uk

Sailing Club AGM - Week 5 Tuesday6pm TB21

Singapore Society AGM - 7thOctober - 7pm - LTL

s 2nd year CIT studentseeks young, attractive

male companion. Please

contact Sarmad.

s Sloppies count now at 3

all wookie!

s Can we have the heateron in STAG HILL

COURT??? Its bloody

freezing at night!!

sI smell Freshers -Laruso magic is on its way!

s C and D sitting in the

tree, blah blah blah I N G

s Emmas, However didyou find such attractive

housemates?? (ie T&A)

s J should I come to yours

or Emmas???

s claire haggett - sooty wasnice, must try the teletub-

bies!love the woolster

s Any lonely female fresh-ers, then contact the

University of Surreys

American football team.

s Whos that poser with an

R.S.turbo? :- ask thealdershot road gang !!

s Musky youre the scent

of my life, Sarah

s Neil dont ba ba ba in

public

s STEFANO - you bang

my drum!!!

s Oh my god, they killedKenny, YOU

B*STARDS!!!!!!!

s Pereklies & Ajai got sentto Hazel Farm. Now thats

what I call INJUSTICE !s Houssewife - have they

suddenly become Germans?

s Deidre wanking in othersbeds aint too nice! love

Neil

s I think Im going to stickto pulling blokes-Jon (and

only after one pint) SEND

him our love

s England 27 - Wales 2.Bad luck. better than 58 - 6

I suppose!

s SSS-SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AALLLLLLLLLLLLL-

LLEEEEEEEEEEE -

youre fabs Fingers, I thought thatthis year you were going to

remember your birthday!!!

s Emma snogging herhousemate, aboSLUTely no

way!!! Its LURVE!!

s Who was that stick insectplaying guitar in the union

on Sunday ?

s Ta to everyone that sup-ported the gig on Tuesday -

Housewife

sFingers, fancy a southernor 4

s Even when Im away, Ican still get personals in.

Know who I am yet?

Eeyore!

s Where is the Hairy Man

?

s Nim, Please get in touch

soon, You go girl, Mel

s SHEEP, DUCK &TURKEY, Nomore, will

cast a spell on you!!!!

s 6 months today! See you

tomorrow!

s Boo !

s DBC, broken any mirrors

of late, love S&Ms maybe the next hunk of afrog that comes my way

will not be plastic

s Have you ever seen a girlwith an afro and a kilt?

Well, you have now!

s Laura - have you chris-

tened your table yet?

s Pesky, theres a fishysmell coming from your

fish tank.

s the library restaurant

girls are back,so if youwant food on a saturday,

watch out!!(open 10 till 2)

s Oi 7375, How manyfreshers are you going after

this week. -WG

s Has anyone been to the

fresh meat market yet!

s To the Brockles Meadboys - thanks for every-

thing, love Bob.

s Al, Matt - its cool tolive with ginger and scary,

init

s Duracell-No-one feelssafe going to Wales with

you after last time. -WG

sJez, what is bernies

friend like

s Louise, visit me soon!

Love Jo.

s denise, get it out and

pierce it !!!!!!!

s Am I the only personthat thinks Jessica is gor-

geous???

s Spidey, how is robos

kate?

s Coxy, coast is clear

phone Bindy Bargy

sBack on the munters thenDim Sum you seedless

jaffa!!!

s have fun, but beware of

the chicken he he he

s Big D.M. - You Dig onSwine, you F***ing

Gimp! - relax Buddy, its a

joke!

s Im not fat.... Im festive-

ly plum.

s Seaman Staines on thesofa then Jakers, need we

say more? Or should we

say mingpiece?!

s Have a great first yearsarah! On taime! Papa

maman isy & tadgh.

s Big L is in need ofsome Gut Marie! - Can

you assist her Big D?s Oh my god, they killedkenny!!!!! You

b*****ds!!!!

sTo D or not to D, eh Sam

& Sven

s To all 1st year girls,avoid Jaime C and Jude D

like the plague. luv Adam

sHappy Spangling Hanah

Across

1. To set free (8)

5. Fail to catch (4)

9. Mirthful (5)

10. To alleviate (7)

11. Morose (6)

12. Played a part (5)

14. Educational Establishment (6)

16. Remember (6)

19. To uplift (5)

21. Surplus (6)

24. A moment (7)

25. Marine Mammal (5)

26. Greet affectionately (4)

27. Intrepid (8)

Down

1. A swelling (4)

2. Town with corporation (7)

3. Regal (5)

4. A crowd (6)

6. Fatuous (5)

7. In quick time (8)

8. Later part of life (3,3)

13. Star shaped mark (8)

15. Expenditure (6)

17. Mitigate (7)

18. Take up abode (6)

20. Fools (5)

22. To cringe (5)

23. A muddle (4)

Solution to crossword no. 76

Across: 1.urge 3.agitator 9.tempest

10.Incas 11.until 12.egg-nog 14.Henry the

Fifth 17.enamel 19.realm 22.hoist 23.hair-

dos 24.disgorge 25.onus

Down: 1.untaught 2.gamut 4.go the whole

hog 5.tying 6.tick-off 7.rusk 8.medley

13.chemists 15.nannies 16.firkin 18.motto

20.Auden 21.thud

Crossword compiled

by Jeff Blackham

Crossword 77

8/9/2019 Barefacts (1998-1999) - 3

10/12

Isnt it amazing how carpet can be so deceptive. I

mean, you think its just one simple shade, but

when you really look up close - when youre using

it as a crutch when the rest of the world is spinning

violently, you may well find a variety of coloured

tufts. Of course it does depend on the quality of thecarpet in question.

A bog standard student-house carpet may only

have mono-colour tufts, however long you may

spend trying to add your own, or simple imaging

that there are faces in it. But a good quality

Axeminster for example. Now in a carpet of this

quality, there is bound to be a veritable rainbow of

tufts.

I suppose its like colour printers really. You think

theres only one colour in black. But then your car-

tridge begins to run low and you end up with pink

text. Bloody annoying really. Especially when

youve got an assignment to be in next morning.

And hair. People describe themselves as havingblonde or brown or ginger. But when you really

look at it. Really get in among the roots so to speak

- theres a multitude of follicle complexity. A mate

of a mate of mine once had a friend posing as a gin-

ger. But get this - she had a big clump of grey just

hanging there. Bizarre. But no really. Check out

your hair. You too have undiscovered highlights

just waiting to be found.

And yes - it may well be GCSE physics but arent

prisms just the best. And those glass things that

hang from windows and blind you. Splitting white

light into colours. Better than Paul Daniels that.

Mind you it doesnt take a lot....

Actually, the five lit re bottle has a fair few colours

in it when the old sunshine pours through it. NoPeach Schnapps in it though. Will keep you post-

ed.

10 Features Thursday 24th September 1998 n

Spin by Tim Geary(Coronet Books, 5-99)

Alistair Campbell (Labour spindoctor) would do well to read this cleverly

written satire of the American soap-watching public. It would, no doubt,

keep him prepared for the eventual Blair backlash.

Alex is the presidential spin doctor, when the President is embroiled in an

abuse of power scandal. To protect him, he is transferred to the post ofFirst Ladys campaign manager who is going to run for office.

Max is the headwriter for American soap, Unto the Skies, which is suffer-

ing from falling ratings. He thinks he can remedy this, and agrees to go

unpaid until then.

Annie is a struggling actress, making a living from stage shows and failed

auditions. Could she be Alex and Maxs only hope?

By successfully combining the worlds of soap opera and politics to explore

the ever-increasing confusion between substance and style, Geary has pro-

duced a novel that is so relevant in a country where The Sun ran a Free

Deirdre campaign.

Pravin Jeyaraj

Dear Russ

Its recently dawned on me that

I dont know what to do when I

leave, and Im not even sure

Ive got time to find out! Can

you help?

Dear Susan

I expect the thought of making

the most of your last year here,

getting a good degree and trying

to decide what to do when you

leave is pretty daunting. Let me

say right away that you could

delay the whole career thing until

after you graduate. Last year

quite a lot of graduates got their

jobs after theyd left Surrey.

There are good reasons, though,

for doing at least some of your

thinking and preparation while

youre still here.

For a start, there are loads ofthings going on at Surrey over the

next few months which could be

too good to miss. For example,

we have our annual Careers Fair

on Thursday 8 October when you

could talk informally to people

from nearly 50 organisations.

Then theres a series of careers

talks given by careers staff and

invited speakers. You could

come along to a seminar to sharp-

en up your interview technique or

you could try a practice aptitude

test.

The Careers Library is definitely

worth a visit. A good place to

start would be to look at the file

marked Your degree ......what

next? which youll see as soon

as you walk in through the door.

This will give you ideas about

what to do when you leave. You

could even have a go on our

careers computer. By the way,

careers advisers and information

staff are always around to helpyou should you need it.

If youd like to know more about

any of these things - why not pick

up a copy of our Job-Hunters

Starter Pack next time youre

passing. In case you havent vis-

ited us before, we live next to the

Accommodation Office in the

Philip Marchant Building.

I would just like to mention one

more thing before I close. If you

would like a job straight after you

graduate and would like to work

for one of the major graduate

employers like Mars or Esso, then

you simply have to meet their

deadlines, often before

Christmas, to stand any chance.

Early applications for other

options such as teacher training

are also advisable. Our Vacancy

Bulletin, which you can view on

www.mis.surrey.ac.uk/misweb/ca

reers/home.htm will keep you up

to date with their requirements.

Russ ClarkCareers Service

G & Ta late night conversation......

Book review

Game review - UnrealThis game is the latest in a line of titles from various games publishers

to produce the best 3D game around. Unreal, at the moment, quite possibly

is. The storyline is basically that you are onboard a prison ship that has

crash-landed. The crew is dead. As you wander around the wreckage you

hear the moans of the last people aboard being tortured. This is one of the

key points about Unreal. It immerses you in the 3D world, begging you to

play it just that bit longer.

The game allows you to play either male or female characters, with a

selection of each to choose from. You can also customise the layout of the

display to suit your own preferences. There are promises of more add-ons

to this area in the future.

Unreal looks so much better than anything else available. The polished

graphics and the smooth movement make it a pleasure to play. If you have a

3D card, the graphics become breathtaking, allowing you to gorge yourself

on the eye-candy available.

On the downside, the sound isnt brilliant. The weapons sound more like a

wet fart than making a satisfying bang. Network play is also lacking, with

no real effort made for deathmatches. Co-operative play is a joke, as it

just does not entertain.

All in all, if youre looking for the best single player 3D game then thisis it. I f, however, you want to play against your friends look elsewhere.

Unreal. Published by Epic. Priced 34.99

Gareth Harmer (ReaperMan) NetGamer Society Treasurer

ee71gh@ee.surrey.ac.uk, http://www.ee.surrey.ac.uk/Personal/ee71gh/

Dr Russ

Make 1998-9 a good year for your C.V.

It is great that you are getting a degree but what will

you say at a job interview when they ask (and they

will!)

What else did you do at University???

Why not say that you were a Student tutor. That,once a week for an hour you went to help a local

school. You even have a recognised tutors certificate

to prove it !!

Any subject, no experience needed- just enthusiasm!

Do it NOW before the Work Piles up!!!!

Show the employers that you had the initiative to

get the skills- and get the JOB!!!! How else will

you stand out from all the other graduates ?????

For more details of Student Tutoring call Mary on 9920

or call into Educational Liaison Centre, Floor 5 Senate House.

8/9/2019 Barefacts (1998-1999) - 3

11/12

Youve picked the course and chose the

University, just about settled into your

Halls of Residence, met your housemates

and been to your first lectures. Youve

probably even made it down to Tescos and

made inroads into your first (and not sub-

stantial) grant cheque!. If youre a sharp

tack you may have even cornered the mar-

ket on the fresh faced beauties on yourcourse/mates floor and are currently recov-

ering from your first Wednesday night out

at Bojanglez (maybe in a strange room).

Think youve got this student lark sorted

then do you?

USFC is the largest and most successful

Sports Club in the University of Surrey,

operating 6 student teams and 2 Graduate

and Industrial year teams in competitive

Wednesday and Saturday Football leagues.

Annually registering something in the

region of 120 players of all standards (and I

do mean ALL!) there is a place for every-

one. On a Wednesday afternoon the first

four teams compete in the British

Universities Sports Association (BUSA)competitions whilst the 5ths and 6ths play

in SESSA (South England Students Sports

Association). On Saturdays our 1st and

reserve teams play in the Surrey Western

Intermediate League with the A, B, C, and

D teams in the Guildford and Woking

Alliance junior league.With an intensely

active social scene including the Annual

Tour (Malta, Prague, Amsterdam and

Dublin in recent years), Christmas and

Annual Award Dinners, curry nights, the

Hundreds club (dont ask!!), and a huge

contingent of footie fellas out together at

every potential opportunity, you cant fail to

enjoy yourself as a member of USFC.

Perhaps the most memorable moment for

the Club was when a select team triumphed

in the Coca-Cola TUCO Cup invitation

tournament at WEMBLEY in June 97, as

the boys won a penalty shootout afetr the

final ended in a draw.

The Club currently employs the services ofF.A. Coach, Jim Lowther, Wimbledon F.C.

Football Community Officer, and fitness

trainer Andy Goring (also Campusports

Sports Massage Therapist) to provide a pro-

fessional approach to the training sessions

held at the Varsity Centre on Mondays 7-

9pm and Thursday 5-7pm. If you want to be

a part of THE Surrey Sports Club then visit

our stall at the Sports Fayre at the Varsity

Centre on Friday where a highly trained

team of experienced players will be on hand

to direct you to the bar (and of course

answer any questions you have about foot-

ball!). The Club will be also holding a fund-

raising raffle, prizes for which include:

Premiership Football TicketsSportswear donated by Campusport

USSU Ents Tickets

Official USFC Training Tops and T-

shirts

Trials will be held on Saturday morning,

again at the Varsity, from 10am and players

must register by 9.30am. Following this,

the Club has a full fixture schedule for

which we require as much support as possi-

ble, with the Reserves, A, B, C, and D

teams at home with 3pm kick-offs. Forget

the Rest, Be the Best. University of Surrey

Football Club. Cliffy

Surrey Pride 11n Thursday 24th September 1998

USFC Reserves 5 Bagshot

Reserves 1

With injuries and drinks aplenty knocking

down some of the clubs most talented fel-

las, this could have been a game too far forthe reserves, especially after last weeks

disappointments. However, in a game

played in a cauldron like atmosphere the

team finally found their feet. Two penal-

ties won by our latin contingent, Paulo

Mendes and Javier Garcia, (one of them a

rarely seen double-fronted somersault with

pike in the area, that had the crowd on its

feet), and converted with ruthless efficien-

cy by Obergrupenfuhrer Gutwenger had

put us in a comfortable position, before the

show really began.

Si Collar Roache, the young nipper with

blinding pace and a body double then

came into his own. Taunting the left back

with his snake hips and mesmerising himwith his twinkle toes Roache produced two

goals before half-time, the second a quite

awesome strike that would have graced

any ground. 4-0 at half time and Matt

Dream Boy Cushway in goal is asking

why he brought his gloves along.

The second-half was a bit more of a strug-

gle, though, with Bagshot beginning an

arial onslaught not seen since the blitz.

Credit to the back four, Gav, Nathan,

DARRYL! and Darryl, who stood firm

under the onslaught, only buckling once

after some problem with Cushways new

Teflon gloves. It was only left for the icing

to be put on the cake, with your humble

reporter bundling in a two yard screamer.

Credit for that goal to Danny Vulcan grip

Reid, without whos tireless running this

victory would not have been possible.

A quick footnote: as we were leaving

Bagshots inferior ground, Javier asked us

all the meaning of the word smug, as he

had heard it quite a lot on this fine day.

Smug is a 5-1 win away and then getting

blind drunk the whole of the next week.

Smug is Surrey football.

Lee Silverfox Burman

Congratulations to the Twister on the ease

with which the latest member of the

Harem, fitted in so well with her predeces-

sors at the Star gathering!

For the week of 28 September only, we will

be offering a Free Week so that you can

have the opportunity to try out any of our

fantastic classes or courses.

Social Sports Programme

Interdepartmental Sports -

Autumn 1998

Fancy becoming a sports representativefor your department? Its a great way to

motivate others to take part in lighthearted

fun Sport, its useful for your CV, could be

the community aspect of Duke of

Edinburgh Award and much much more!

If you would like to be a first/second/final

or postgraduate representative please tell

your departmental secretary or contact Alex

Langley ext 9981 or Sally Edie ext 9891at

the Sports Centre. The first meeting for all

reps is Friday 2nd October at 1:05pm at

the Sports Centre.

Sports Courses & Workshops5 week and 10 week courses and drop-in

Workshops are starting during the FREE

WEEK try volleyball, squash, badminton,

canoeing, yoga, tai chi, climbing, golf, tram-

polining and dry-skiing!

Welcome to Campusport Activity for life.

Campusport - Free Week

Jiu Jitsu, ever heard of it? Its a martial art

that has been developed over thousands of

years in the Far East, and has been adapted in

this country over the past twenty years or so.

Its a self-defence-orientated martial art

involving locks, strikes, rolls, falling, and

blocks. It also deals with a mixture of armed

and unarmed combat. Ive found that itimproved my flexibility, my self-confidence,

and over an extended period even my gener-

al level of fitness. Also the active nature of

Jiu Jitsu training means that it is a great way

to let off a bit of steam after a hard days lec-

tures.

However the expanse of Jiu Jitsu is far fur-

ther than just the training centre, with socials

and weekends away to national competitions

frequent events. Other opportunities include

gradings, first aid training, massage courses,

and the chance to be on the committee like

Ive chosen to do this year.

Come and try Jiu Jitsu even if for no other

reason than to meet a lot of new people and

have a good laugh doing something youve

never tried before. We run two sessions a

week at Campus Sport in Studio B. The first

is on Sunday from 5.30pm to 8pm and thesecond is on Wednesday 8pm to 10pm. Your

first session is free too so youve nothing to

loose except perhaps your inhibitions about

martial arts! Hope to see you all there.

Simon just call me Oatsey Oates (Jiu Jitsu

Chairman 1998 1999)

P.S. If you cant make training why not come

and have a word with me and some of the

others at the varsity centre for the freshers

sports fair on Friday.

University Of Surrey Football Club

Jiu Jitsu for you!

Bagshot Blitzed By Bavarian Barmans Braice

A Festival of Sport by Paul Cliff - Sports Editor

Our Honours list for last season includes;

1sts Intermediate Premier Division 3 Runners-upReserves Intermediate Reserve Division 3 Champions

Intermediate League Cup Finalists

ASurrey FA Lower Junior County Cup WinnersGuildford & Woking Alliance League Division 1 Runners-up

B Guildford & Woking Alliance League Division 3 Champions

C Guildford & Woking Alliance League Division 5 promotion

I remember it well (he says in that slightly

receding hairline self-assured graduate man-

ner). The 1992 Freshers Sports Fayre (wayback before environmentally friendly fuels)

was held on a rain soaked Friday in the

Campusport centre. Troops of frightened first

years dawdled sheepishly around the stalls

they really wanted to approach, gripped by

the fears of eighteen year olds living way

from home for the first time. I surely wont

have time for Sport what with all this study-

ing to do said a worried Fresher Civ. Eng

student on my floor. What if Im not good

enough? whimpered another. I glanced at

my companions, teetering on the sharp edge

of indecision as we paused at the entrance to

the Fayre. Bite the bullet or retreat to the pub

and ruminate on the potential folly of the

fanatically fit? I dont recall actually dragging

them into the Fayre or clamping down my

teeth on any lead gunpowdered projectile, but

I know that joining the Football Club was the

best decision I have EVER made. I have spo-

ken at length to other like-minded individuals

from Rugby, Hockey, Golf, Running,

Waterpolo, Badminton, American Football,

Mountain Walking (Hiking, Mountain-Ear-

ring - whatever!) to name but a few, and it

seems that they all feel equally impassioned

about their Sport.

Im not sure what it is about Surrey Sport that

demands this unwavering dedication to a

sport of choice, but it borders on the obses-

sional. The seeds of this puppy-like alle-

giance seem to be sewn initially at the Fayre

itself, when it becomes apparent (cue the

sound of a pre-uni myth exploding like a

shaken can of Special Brew) that student

sport and drunken shinnanigans are not mutu-

ally exclusive. In fact they are currently cele-

brating their Platinum Anniversary, after

spending a seemingly eternal marriage of

intoxicated bliss and Thursday morning hang-

overs.

The embryonic love affair between a student

and his/her Sport, develops further when you

start to meet the kind of people you are likely

to spend your time with at Surrey. Like a cho-

rus of disparaging tuneless voices suddenly

singing in perfect harmony to the tune of

You are my Surrey, you see for the first

time your common purpose and the marriage

is proposed. For most of us, the perfect match

is made and a lifetime of selfless devotion

naturally follows. There are those who are

unfaithful to their one and only and have flash

affairs with other sports. It is with great

shame and regret that I admit to having a one

match stand with the Hockey club in my rel-

ative youth. But it didnt mean anything to

me. I was drunk and USFC had stayed in that

Wednesday. Hockey was desperate and one

thing led to another.......I thought about

Football the whole time!

Of course, some students are never satisfied

and feel they have to tie the knot with every

sport going (Elizabeth Taylor esque), jump-

ing from one to the next like Jan Smith or

Sarah McMath. Others seem to lose their

moral compass and commit sporting bigamy,

tieing themselves to a number of sports at

once. Several individuals never commit

themselves, f