Bhak Sala - There is a saying in our parts in the South thatgoes...There is a saying in our parts in the South that goes – “A man’s worth is a stone’s worth”. Forlong I never understood the connection between the two and used to get confused wheneversome elderly person uses it while judging people. Even when I asked the meaning of it, notmany could clearly say what it meant, but said it is used whenever people are not valuedproperly. It is quite lately, I understood the stone that is mentioned there are the gemstonesthat one wears, like diamond, ruby, sapphire, emerald or such, and the worth is the perceivedvalue than the real one.

Unfortunately in a world that is increasingly becoming more valuation oriented than values,the significance of appearances cannot be under appreciated. There is always this conflict thatgoes around on the issue of the true value of appearances. There is this school that says“Appearances are deceptive” and as Shakespeare puts it beautifully in Merchant of Venice –“All that glitters is not gold; Often have you heard that told: Many a man his life hath sold,But my outside to behold: Gilded tombs do worms enfold.” And yet we hear the other side tooas to how “the first impression makes the best impression” and all and the importance ofappearing good.

We as a country perhaps due to the tropical weather had always been underdressed or lightlydressed and therefore do not give so much of importance to dressing heavily as much as someof the colder Western Countries. Also culturally too, we have all the extremes – normal peopleeither are shown completely donned and bejewelled like a bride even while going to bathroomor kitchen in Saas Bahu serials or in reality are very ascetic and Gandhi like, topless and freeflowing at their homes. While going out, the entire gamut in between exists. But by and large,the males in the country have either no dress sense or care much less about dressing andappearances, though of late the importance of grooming is catching up along with the term“metrosexual”.

I have seen many youngsters (actually at some point of time in my life even I was like that)not bothered about appearances and totally appear “bindaas” and say we wear our attitudeand are carefree, just to make a statement. These kinds of rebellious tendencies are quite well

justified specially among the intellectuals as what they believe is in substance or performance,and not simply appearances. That is understandable as what matters ultimately is how wellyou do in life and not “how well you appear to do”. However, I find the same people becomingless confident either when they travel abroad or when they suddenly find themselves in newcompany among well groomed socialites or even in an elite B-School, as they struggle to put atie knot and are embarrassed to ask for help from their friends.

I am not purporting to say here that westernised way of dressing is therefore more importantor any such. The real issue here is not about which type of dressing is important. The issue isthat, these people have not given any importance to dressing or appearance at all, and hencein a well-dressed community they find themselves as odd men out. It is not about wearingexpensive accessories or flashing brands. It is all about appearing good and taking care of thatas well in order to build one’s own confidence.

While attending an induction program on corporate etiquette long back, one of my colleaguesasked the trainer – “Why should one give so much importance to all these, as M. F. Husseingoes around without wearing chappals.” The trainer answered, "Atleast become a M. F.Hussein in life before you too make a statement like that.” Had it been now, the answer wouldhave been – “Why M. F. Hussein? After all he does not wear chappals only. Look at PoonamPandey, she doesn’t wear anything!”

This again stems from another conflict most people have in them unnecessarily or wrongly.That is about character and personality. There are people who believe personality or charismais more important, and others who believe character is more important. As they say,personality is what you display when the arc lights are on you and character is what you arewhen it is dark. Imagine you as well dressed, well behaved sitting quietly in a movie hall and anice looking dame comes and sits next to you and the power goes off in the middle of it for afew minutes and it is dark. Your character would be known/shown there in those few minuteson how you remain there. In reality though, there is or should be no conflict between the twoin my opinion, and rather should go hand in hand. Your character should be what yourpersonality reflects. Any façade would give away “in a matter of minutes”, as any personalitywithout a strong character is hollow or shallow, and any character without adequatepersonality stands a risk of being undervalued.

There should be no two ways about it. Good appearance is equally important as much as goodsubstance is. It enhances the perceived value and thus increases the true value too. If notatleast it helps in not undervaluing the true substance inside. So it does not harm to add agood appearance to a good substance. It is like cutting and polishing the many facets of anuncut diamond. It only makes it sparkle better. It is about the appropriateness and the gracein appearing good not to simply indulge in any sartorial splendour. After all nothing is weirdif seen in the right perspective. One can even wear a purple shirt with bright yellow trousersand stark red sneakers, if one is actor Govinda getting ready to do an item dance number in amovie. Or even wear nothing, to make a statement like Poonam ji!

Being weekend it is now time to “un-wear” and unwind or is it the other way around andgetting all dressed up for Friday evening and Saturday evening parties?

Either way, TGIF!