Books in This Seriesstudio7designworks.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/Babyhood-Tra… · Books in This Series Preparation for Parenting The Babyhood Transitions Preparation for the

Books in This Series

Preparation for Parenting The Babyhood Transitions

Preparation for the Toddler Years The Toddlerhood Transition

Growing Kids God’s Way Parenting the Middle Years

Reaching the Heart of Your TeenReflections of Moral Innocence

The Babyhood Transitions

Parenting Your 5 to 12 Month OldFrom Sippy Cup to First Steps

Gary & Anne Marie Ezzo

The Babyhood TransitionsParenting Your 5 to 12 Month Old

From Sippy Cup to First Steps(Second Edition)

© 2008, 2011 Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo

International Standard Book Number ISBN-13 978-1-883035-10-5

Printed in the United States of America

ALL RIGHTS RESERVEDNo part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or trans-mitted, in any form or by any means–electronic, mechanical, photocopying, record-ing, or otherwise–without prior written permission.

All Scripture quotations, except where otherwise indicated, are taken from the New King James Version, Copyright © 1979, 1980, 1982 by Thomas Nelson Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved, and the Scofield Reference Bible, Oxford University Press, © 1909, 1917, 1937, and 1945.

Growing Families InternationalP. O. Box 54, Louisiana, MO 63353

11 12 13 14 — 06 05 04 03

Dedicated to:

Rich and Julie YoungTwo souls conversant with love,

virtue, and understanding

AcknowledgementsWe wish to express our appreciation to many friends and ministry asso-

ciates, past and present, who share our passion for the family and early parenting. In particular, we wish to thank Tim and Patricia Lentz, Scott and Theresa McLeod, David and Cynthia Iglesias, Tiana Wendelburg, Sharon Augustson and Nancy Martin. They were all instrumental in the early edi-tions of this book. Two other friends, whose giftedness was carried into this later editions include Connie Lamoureux and Yvonne Wilber. Connie’s insights on language development for infants and pretoddlers (Appendix A), continues to stand as a faithful guide to young parents. Yvonne Wilber provided the sketch artistry in our sign-language section.

As it relates to our latest edition, we also wish to thank Paige Hunter and Cyndi Bird for their many ‘behind the scenes’ contributions, emails, parent-ing examples and challenging thoughts. There is of course, the wonderful editorial insights of Carla Link and Bethany Mounts. Their labor of love is highly prized and greatly appreciated along with our Queensland, Australia leadership team, headed up by Geoff and Alicia Bongers who truly share a global view of this ministry.

It really does take a talent to explain the neuroscience of a baby’s brain and how parents can profoundly influence advance forms of learning in children. The many references to the developing brain of infants and tod-dlers comes from the assistance of long time friend and medical consultant, Dr. Robert Turner. As a pediatric neurologist, Dr. Turner’s gift of time and attention to the growing body of research and breakthroughs in neurosci-ence will benefit our readership for generations to come.

We have a valuable resource in Dr. Alan Furness, another friend who provided recommendations for proper dental care of infants and toddlers. We also wish to extend our heartfelt thanks to Rich and Julie Young, Greg and Tara Banks and Shawn and Connie Wood for their participation in the video portion of this series. Their insights, understanding and sweet disposi-tion help create a joyful learning experience for all participants in this series.

Finally, we wish to acknowledge Sarah Blunk for her assistance relating to the Mozart Effect discussed in Visit Four. What makes this acknowledge-ment special is we have known Sarah from childhood and watched her grow into adulthood as a beautiful young woman, inside and out.

Table of Contents

Preface ..........................................................................................................9

Visit One Summary .....................................................................................13

Begin As You Mean To Go .....................................................................15

Your Baby’s Routine Past and Present ....................................................20

Common Mid-Transitions Questions ....................................................26

Baby Food Basics ..................................................................................30

Visit Two Summary .....................................................................................37

Introducing Solid Foods Step by Step ...................................................39

Waketime Activities ..............................................................................47

Visit Three Summary ..................................................................................55

Finger Foods and Snacks ......................................................................57

Babyhood Training and More ...............................................................62

Visit Four Summary ....................................................................................75

Pretoddler Correction: What does it Look Like? ..................................77

Naps and Nighttime Sleep ....................................................................81

Questions About Pretoddler Sleep ........................................................85

Babyhood Transitions Topic Pool ..........................................................89

Appendix A — Child Language Development ...........................................101

Appendix B — What Makes Your Baby a Person .......................................103

Index ........................................................................................................109

Series Prefaceo

I t’s reality-check time! You’re at least four months into your tour of parenting and the complexity of child-training is start-

ing to multiply. While your baby is growing physically his mind is adapting with an ever increasing awareness of new sights, sounds, sensations and relationships, allowing him to interact with his material universe with greater attentiveness. Big changes are com-ing to his world and yours.

As a mom and dad how should you approach the various growth transitions? Certainly not by abandoning that which has brought you so much initial success—your baby’s routine. Preserving the order and structure that brought security to your baby’s day, peaceful sleep to your baby’s nights, and stability to your home, should continue as a ‘must do’ priority. However, beware that while the principles that delivered the initial success will not change, the application of those principles must adapt in light of your baby’s rapid development.

By five months of age, babies begin to display their capacity to intentionally inter-act with the various nouns in their expand-ing world; i.e., people, places and things. This is when life for Mom and Dad moves from wonderfully simple to challenging and complex. For example, feeding time is more

than a biological response initiate by a baby’s sucking reflex. For the five-month old, meal-time becomes a very complex and conscious interaction between child and parent, food and drink, preference and need, likes and dislikes, must do and won’t do!

This is also the time when waketime behaviors and responses start to fall into the categories of ‘healthy’ and ‘safe’ and ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ and will either be encouraged or discouraged by how Mom and Dad react. In fact, training to encourage right behav-ior and to discourage wrong behavior will become the increasing focus of Mom and Dad’s attention over the next seven months. This is why feeding time, waketime, and bedtime provides numerous opportunities to display parental wisdom, guidance and certainly patience. Welcome to The Babyhood Transitions.

This book accompanies the four-part video presentation by the same title. To keep the book coordinated with the teaching ses-sion, we included ‘Visit Summary’ review sheets in front of each of the four major sections. Each review corresponds with the specific video lesson. While the book can be used independent of the DVD presentation, the learning experience is greatly enhanced when the two are used together.

10 THE BABYHOOD TRANSITIONS

The book also includes a correspond-ing metric weights and measurements table. The Babyhood Transitions series was origi-nally written to a US audience and as such, we used Imperial measurements, includ-ing ounces, pounds, and inches. However, with a growing international constituency we understand the need to convert these figures to the Metric system of weights and measurements. The conversion chart below contains the ‘approximate’ exchange for each unit of measurement referenced in the book.

The reader will also find references made to Preparation for Parenting moms and babies. We elected to shorten these references to Prep Moms and Prep Babies. Third, the reader will notice our use of the term ‘Pretoddler’ throughout the book. This is in reference to babies who are nine months of age and older, and is used to distinguish them from younger babies. Fourth, it was our decision to use predominately the masculine refer-ences, including “he,” “his,” and “him”. The principles found in The Babyhood Transitions

work equally with both genders. Finally, in our attempt to speak directly to our com-munity of parents, we elected to use the pro-nouns you, your, and yours to address our readers. While we realize that not everyone reading this book is a parent, the vast major-ity are, thus we toggled between ‘second’ and ‘third’ person expressions.

Finally, as was the case with Preparation for Parenting, we can provide trustworthy ideas and workable solutions, but not every possible application. As you read through each chapter, it’s vital to think in terms of principle. Understanding a ‘principle’ of par-enting, derived from your own beliefs and values, is a greater asset than just having a list of ‘how-to’ answers. Principle parenting is an extension of wisdom parenting.

We know many rewarding experiences are just around the corner as you move into this exciting phase of parenting. Enjoy each precious moment.

Gary & Anne Marie Ezzo

Imperial-Metric Conversion Chart(Approximate)

Dry Weight Conversions Fluid Ounce Conversions Ounces Grams Pounds Kilograms Ounces Mls Cups Mls ½ — 15g 15lbs — 7kg 20 — 600 mls 1 — 225 mls

1 — 30g 24 — 700 mls 2 — 475 mls 1½ — 45g 32 — 950 mls 3 — 700 mls 2 — 60g 4 — 950 mls 3 — 85g 3 ½ — 100g 4 — 115g 5 — 145g 6 — 170g 7 — 200g 8 — 230g

Visit OneBegin As You Mean To Go

My Noteso

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Principles to Take Away

1.

2.

3.

4.

5._

Visit OneSummary (6 to 9 Months)

1. The single act of introducing solids marks the beginning of the Babyhood Transitions when a baby moves from being a passive infant to becoming a mobile pretoddler.

2. The Babyhood Transitions is comprised of two smaller adjustment periods including:

a. The initial feed-wake-sleep adjustment phase starts around six months of age and includes the introduction of solid foods and the expansion of food options.

b. The second adjustment period starts around nine months of age with the milestone of mobility and requires more advanced parental management and caution.

3. Babies quickly become aware that their actions can actually pro-duce a reaction from Mom and Dad thereby learning that their actions can influence and control Mom and Dad’s responses.

4. Signs that your baby is ready for solid foods:

a. is able to sit and hold his head upright

b. is hungry just before naptime

c. is still hungry after taking a full feeding

d. is starting to wakeup during his nighttime sleep

e. is staring to wake early from his naps

5. There are five basic Babyhood Transition food groups:

a. Cereal

b. Vegetables

c. Fruits

d. Meats (Protein Foods)

e. Juice

6. Rice cereal is usually the most common cereal pediatricians rec-ommend because it causes the least amount of allergic reaction for baby. Oat and barley are two other excellent choices.

7. Introduce vegetables according to color; yellow vegetables, then

14 THE BABYHOOD TRANSITIONS ~ VISIT ONE

green vegetables and so on.

8. Baby foods come in jars which represent three different stages:

a. Stage One: Five to six months

b. Stage Two: Six to seven months

c. Stage Three: Eight months and older

9. Fruits make up an important nutritional component in your baby’s diet but are not as important as the nutrition provided through cereal and vegetables.

10. Meats can be held off until a child is ten months or older, since formula and breastmilk provide sufficient protein.

11. Juices have limited nutritional value compared to fruits and can be held off until a child is beyond a year of age.

12. Introduce the sippy cup around 6 months of age and wean to the sippy cup.

13. Parents should never underestimate the important role that a mealtime prayer plays in the life of a baby.

14. Men who are known for being caring and loving husbands and involved fathers, reflect to their community of peers: confidence, trustworthiness and believability.

15. To have favor with your family is to have favor with every rela-tionship in your life.

Begin as you mean to go is more than a chapter title; it is a defining phi-losophy and training slogan repeated

throughout this book. We encourage par-ents to ‘begin as you mean to go’ during the Babyhood Transitions months because this is a critical period of brain formation and adaptation—a time when parents are intentionally, (or unintentionally) imprint-ing learning patterns that will stay with the child for many years to come. Since growth and development takes place in stages, with each new experience building upon previous ones, it is imperative that the first learning patterns established be the right patterns—thus, begin as you mean to go!

However, where do you begin? In our previous series, Preparation for Parenting, we pointed to the persuasive influence personal assumptions have on parenting outcomes. Our belief that God is the God of order and routine, and that mankind tends to func-tion at optimal levels when incorporating this attribute into family life, continues as a central theme in this presentation. The benefits of order and routine in a baby’s life are also evident and confirmed by the amaz-ing outcomes. Infants thrive on the predict-ability that comes with a well established feed-wake-sleep routine, as demonstrated by healthy growth, attentive waketimes, and the formation of great naps and nighttime sleep habits.

With age-appropriate modification, your

baby’s routine will continue to serve as a trustworthy guide during the next growth phase, (although admittedly, life for Mom and Dad becomes a bit more challenging and complex.) Take food for example. As a baby approaches five or six months of age, rice cereal is usually introduced into his diet. On the surface, the steps of introducing cereal seem fairly straight forward. Mom takes a little powdered cereal, mix with some breast-milk or formula, introduce a small spoon, and there you have it. Well, not quite!

The single act of introducing solid foods into a baby’s diet marks the beginning of The Babyhood Transitions; a time when a baby leaves the early days of infancy and emerges six months later as a mobile pretoddler, driven by a desire to explore, discover, learn and rule the world with a smile or a tear.

What makes this growth phase excit-ing, and at the same time challenging, are the micro changes taking place day by day. Feeding, for example, is no longer a simple biological drive initiated by the sucking reflex. For the six month old, mealtime is part of a very complex, conscious interaction between child and parent, food and drink, preference and need, likes and dislikes, all coupled with must do and won’t do!

Consider the transitions taking place during waketime. It is no longer a passive hour of an immobile infant observing his immediately world from a blanket. Instead, it quickly becomes a challenging time when

Begin As You Mean To Goo


his crawling legs can take him to where his curious mind desires to go, and Mom and Dad will continually chase after him just to keep him safe. It is also during the Babyhood Transitions phase when behaviors begin to fall into the categories of right and wrong; which means there will be times when par-ents must insist on what baby should do, and this will take priority over what baby wants to do.

The Babyhood Phases The Babyhood Transitions phase is really

comprised of two smaller adjustment peri-ods. There are the initial feed-wake-sleep adjustments starting around six months of age, and includes the introduction of solid foods. As mealtimes become more complex due of the introduction of solid foods, wake-times begin to extend. Longer waketimes require more planning and supervision. Of course, longer waketimes will also affect the number of naps required throughout the day.

The second adjustment phase starts around nine months of age when the mile-stone of mobility requires even more vigi-lance. By then, your cute little person is sitting in his highchair, sometimes enjoying his food and sometimes playing with it; or possibly, deciding on his own that mealtime is over. He is now fully capable of demon-strating mild to fierce preferences toward food likes and dislikes, and will develop cre-ative ways to voice his protest; from flipping his plate to blowing food out of his mouth.

As your baby’s body grows, so does his mind, accompanied by a growing under-standing that his actions will generate a reac-tion from Mom and Dad. Give this some thought: by the end of your baby’s first year,

he will be aware of his influence and ability to exert pressure on you by the cute and not so cute things he can do. When that point is reached, the words ‘training’ and ‘parental leadership’ take on a whole new meaning and a greater sense of urgency for you.

In keeping with the two distinct adjust-ment phases covered in the corresponding DVD presentation, we aligned the book accordingly. In Visits One and Two, we take up the feed-wake-sleep changes for the five to nine month stage of life, and in Visits Three and Four we will consider the same activities, but for the ten to twelve month old. As a parent, you might look at the calen-dar and wonder just how much change can actually take place in three months? We sug-gest you take plenty of photos of your five month old, because at nine months, he will be a different child; possessing new abilities and a growing understanding of his world and everyone in it.

FACTORS OF GROWTHThroughout a baby’s first year, two processes continue to dominate: growth and learning. These activities are interdependent but not interchangeable. Growth refers to the bio-logical processes of life; learning refers to the mental processes, which include moral train-ing and development. With both growth and learning, the building blocks are progressive. Each stage of development depends on the successful completion of the previous stage.

Every species, whether animal or human, follows a pattern of development peculiar to that species. With children, God demon-strates His creative orderliness in postna-tal development. Infants demonstrate two growth patterns: vertically, from the head down to the feet and horizontally from the

BEGIN AS YOU MEAN TO GO 17

central axis of the body toward the extremi-ties.

Descending vertical development means strength in physical structure and function come first to the child’s head region, then to the child’s trunk, and last to his legs and feet. Your baby first started to lift his head, bob it a little, and then let it fall back to the mattress. Next, he could hold his head upright due to his developing neck and chest muscles. At the age of twenty weeks, he had control over the muscles of his eyes, head, and shoulders, but his trunk was still so limp that he had to be propped up or strapped in a chair in order to maintain a sitting position. He made good use of his arms and hands in reaching and grasping before he could use his legs. Eventually he begins to motor himself around by creeping, then crawling and then walking, running, jumping, and skipping.

Horizontal development proceeds from simple to complex. In the prenatal state, the head and trunk are well-developed before the limbs begin to grow. Gradually, the arms lengthen and then develop into the hands and fingers. Functionally, in the postnatal state, a baby can use his arms before his hands, and can use his hands as a unit before he can control the movements of his fin-gers. He rakes his food toward his mouth before he masters the finer motor skills of the pincer reflex. Order is the operative word for biological maturation—physical growth always occurs in an orderly, predictable way.

FACTORS OF LEARNINGWhere biological maturation refers to changes in physical capabilities that result from genetic cues, learning signifies changes resulting from interaction with one’s envi-

ronment. For the most part, learning is brought about by parental influence and instruction. Like adults, children interpret new experiences in relation to the knowl-edge formerly acquired. That means learn-ing is progressive, and a child only gains understanding when new information has meaning in relationship to his previous experiences. Routine and orderly transition at each stage of a child’s development aids the marriage between new information and the child’s understanding. We reinforce this concept with this chapter’s refrain: Begin as you mean to go.

Why is this important? Because allow-ing a child to progress in an orderly fash-ion in his or her new and expanding world greatly enhances learning. It is the gradual assimilation of many perceptions that gives rise to the formation of ideas. The child who can associate right meanings with new experiences is far more advanced in his or her understanding than the child who must associate a new meaning with an old situa-tion that will ultimately need correction.

Since learning comes in progressive stages, child-training should take place in the same way, occurring in step with learn-ing. For this reason, parents should provide their child with a learning environment that matches information with understanding.

There are many factors that influence learning, both positively and negatively. Some of the more obvious ones include: the child’s temperament, the presence or absence of siblings, parental resolve, the purpose for training, the method of instruc-tion, and reinforcement. Generally speaking, there are three categories of learning: basic skills, academic learning and moral develop-ment. Let’s consider each one.

Basic SkillsNot all behavior is moral in nature. Some actions are morally neutral—such as those related to basic skills. One of the most important and most rapid areas of growth during early childhood is the development of motor skills. Learning to drink from a cup, use a spoon, self-feed, and walk are all stage acquired activities. They are skills, to a large extent, associated with the child’s environment, opportunities to learn, and his or her motivation to do so. From the helpless state of infancy, the development of skills begins and moves forward. Most children accomplish these feats in progressive stages. For example, when your baby is introduced to finger foods, he begins by raking his food with his entire hand and lifts the food toward his mouth with his fist closed. As his coordi-nation develops, he begins to use just his fin-gers, eventually his index finger and thumb, bringing food to his mouth with precision. In a couple of years, your toddler will throw a ball using his whole body. As his coordina-tion develops, he will throw the ball using only his arm.

Skills, talents, and giftedness are not the same thing. Skills—such as learning to use a spoon, walk, color within the lines, riding a bike, and throwing a ball—are basic to all human beings. Natural talents differ from skills in that they are discriminatory—some people have a particular talent, others don’t. All of us have talents, but not necessarily the same talents. Giftedness is a talent magni-fied. Many musicians are naturally talented, but Mozart was gifted.

Academic LearningAcademic learning is the accumulation of

data and the ability to apply logic (reasoning

skills) to a given situation. Academic learn-ing, much like physical development, moves from general to specific and is progressive. We teach our children the alphabet so they can learn to put letters together to form words, then eventually read those words. They first learn to count 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 but it will be a while before they realize that those same numbers can also represent $12,345. Children first learn about trees in general, then begin to distinguish, for example, a pine tree from an oak tree. Eventually, they will learn to identify the different varieties of pine trees. However, the connections in the brain that make all of this understand-able to a child are not formed randomly, but through activity and purposeful training. Please keep this in mind!

Moral Development At birth, a child has no functioning conscience nor does a baby or pretoddler have the reasoning capacity to grasp right and wrong, good and evil. This does not mean, however, that a parent should delay introducing what is required and what is acceptable behavior. For example, the fact that a child has no moral understanding of why food shouldn’t be intentionally dropped from his or her highchair doesn’t mean par-ents should hold back instruction or correc-tion for this behavior.

With adults, beliefs precede actions, but with pretoddlers and toddlers, the opposite is true—actions precede beliefs. This is why parents should insist on right responses long before their children are capable of under-standing moral concepts. Young children first learn how to act appropriately, then they learn how to think morally. Just because a six month old is not capable of moral distinction


BEGIN AS YOU MEAN TO GO 19

in the way he behaves, does not mean basic foundations are not being laid. They are!

The first step toward reasoning skills and comprehension is the development of healthy learning patterns. Structure and your baby’s basic routine enhance these patterns and the neuro-pathways in your baby’s brain welcome them. When a child is at peace with his basic environment, his learning potential increases and learning disorders are minimized. Routine and order help bring about this desired result.

Routine and orderly advancement also encourage self-control. Self-control is a foundational virtue. By that we mean, other virtues are dependent on it. Self-control influences kindness, gentleness, proper speech, controlling negative emotions, con-centrating, focusing, sitting skills and many other behaviors. When you train your child to a right response, (yes, even in the high-chair), you are simultaneously training him in self-control. It is a gift every parent can and should give their child.

Your Baby’s RoutinePast and Present

o

Why do most people read the first chapter of a book before the oth-ers? Most likely because of its

location—it appears first. Why do authors, design their chapters to reflect an unfolding sequence of ideas? Because they have the advantage of knowing how the content of one chapter fits into the broader context of the book. Content and context are inseparably linked together as independent components of learning. A person can read the content of this chapter and walk away with some use-ful knowledge, but in practice, the chapter becomes more meaningful after the entire book is read. We can also say it this way: content without context is like possessing all the right knowledge but without truly understanding the meaning. It is like pos-sessing all the puzzle pieces without the box cover picture.

The principle of content and context is very much a part of parenting. With a baby in the home, you now have a ‘family context’ that helps bring meaning to all you have previously learned, particularly as it relates to establishing and maintaining your baby’s routine. It is our hope and goal that we can now provide the broader context governing the next six months.

However, before moving forward in our journey, let’s revisit some familiar content introduced in Preparation for Parenting. This is actually a two step review. First, we will examine the seven transitional merges that

make up the first year, and talk through the corresponding changes to your baby’s rou-tine. Second, we will work through some of the more common four and five month old ‘mid-transition’ questions left over from the Preparation for Parenting days.

After the two reviews, we then move the conversation forward with a brief sum-mary of the five major Babyhood Transitions food groups that are soon to become part of your baby’s diet. (The specific, step by step process of introducing solid foods is taken up in Visit Two.) Let’s get started with some Babyhood Transitions content and see how it fits into the context of your family.

MANAGING YOUR BABY’S ROUTINE

When researchers attempt to establish aver-ages and expectations, they usually look at large population samples from which they statistically determine the boundaries of ‘normal’. From that data, they establish pre-dictions and trend lines. The same is true with the expanse Preparation for Parenting baby population from which we are able to provide averages and predict when certain growth transitions commonly take place.

As a Prep Mom and Dad you’re already familiar with the three activities of a baby’s day: feeding time, waketime, and naptime. Prep Babies, on average, start life with nine feed-wake-sleep cycles in a 24 hour period. Over the course of the first year, these nine cycles gradually begin to merge, one by one,

YOUR BABY’S ROUTINE PAST AND PRESENT 21

until your baby’s routine at one year of age is comprised of just three feed-wake-sleep cycles in a 24 hour day; breakfast, lunch, dinner.

As it relates to Mom, Dad and the vari-ous changes to come, the three most urgent questions eager parents are asking include:

1. What changes can we expect?2. ‘On average’ when can we expect them?3. What adjustments do we have to make?

Unfortunately, we cannot say, “do this, this and this, and everything will fall into place.” That is because every baby is different when it comes to the timing of these merge transitions. We know the average times when cycles begin to merge, but we cannot pinpoint the exact time when they will take place with your baby, (although the early weeks and months are more predictable than the later months.) Fortunately, there are some common sense principles that can help any parent navigate the various feed-wake-sleep merges. The principles were introduced in Preparation for Parenting and carried forward to the Babyhood Transitions because they are still very relevant. They include:

One: Understanding the principle of capac-ity and ability: A mother cannot arbitrarily decide to drop a feeding or adjust a naptime unless her baby has the physical capacity and ability to make the adjustment.

Two: Understanding the principle of time variation. While the length of each feed-wake-sleep cycle during the early weeks of life remains fairly consistent, eventually each cycle takes on its own unique features. For

example, at four months of age, one feed-wake-sleep cycle might be as short as 2½ hours, while another cycle may stretch to 3½ hours. At six months everything changes again. Some babies have one longer wake-time or possibly a shorter naptime impact-ing a particular cycle. That is why one cycle may be 3½ hours, another cycle 4 hours, (or possibly 4½ hours). The range variation depends on your baby’s unique needs, the time of day, and his age.

Three: Understand the principle of indi-viduality among children. All babies will experience the same merges, but they do not experience them at the same time. The merging of feed-wake-sleep cycles take place according to your baby’s biological sched-ule, which can be significantly different than the neighbor’s baby down the street. For example, Cory began sleeping eight hours through the night at six weeks of age. Across town, his cousin Anna began sleeping eight hours at night at ten weeks of age. That is a four-week difference. However, by twelve weeks Anna began sleeping 12 hours a night, whereas Cory never slept more than ten hours a night his entire first year. Although both babies had different outcomes they both fell within the ‘normal’ range of expec-tation. This example illustrates how two babies experienced the same two merges, (i.e dropping the ‘middle of the night’ and ‘late evening feedings’), but at different times and according to their individual sleep needs.

Four: Understanding the First–Last prin-ciple. No matter what is dropped, changed or merged within a cycle, when adjusting a baby’s routine, the first and last feedings of


the day are always strategic. It doesn’t mat-ter if your baby is on a three, four or four and-a-half hour routine, the entire day falls within these two ‘fixed’ feeding times.

For example, ‘Merge Four’ calls for five feedings in a twenty-four hour period. When readjusting baby’s routine Mom will deter-mine the first and the last feeding of the day. With those two feedings established she then fits in the other three feed-wake-sleep cycles between the first and last feeding of the day. The length of these ‘in-between’ cycles will depend on baby’s nutritional, waketime and sleep needs throughout the day.

FROM PRINCIPLE TO PRACTICEWith the principles above serving as a guide, we can now reintroduce the seven major feed-wake-sleep ‘merge’ transitions of the first year accompanied by sample schedules specific to the Babyhood Transition months. By the time most parents are reading this, they should have successfully navigated through the first three merges listed below.

(Merge One) Weeks 3-5: This is when most Prep Babies merged the two late night feed-ings into one ‘middle of the night’ feeding. This reduced the nine feed-wake-sleep cycles to eight in a 24 hour period.

(Merge Two) Weeks 7-10: This is when most Prep Babies dropped their ‘middle of the night’ feeding and begin sleeping eight hours at night. Eight cycles are now reduced to seven.

(Merge Three) Weeks 12-15: This is when most Prep Babies dropped their ‘late eve-ning’ feeding; sleeping ten to twelve hours at night. Seven cycles were reduced to six.

(Merge Four) Weeks 16-24: This is the time when most Prep Parents start their Babyhood Transitions classes and when most Prep Babies begin to extend their morning waketime, reducing six feed-wake-sleep cycles to five. It is also a time when solid foods might be necessary and can potentially impact the activities within the various feed-wake-sleep cycles. Also, when you get to the sample, schedule, please take not of the first asterisk footnote that relates to the ‘late afternoon’ feed-wake-sleep cycle.

(Merge Five) Weeks 24-39: Sometime dur-ing these weeks, Prep Babies begin to replace their third, ‘late afternoon’ nap with a short 30 to 45-minute ‘catnap’. Please note that going from a ‘full’ nap to a ‘catnap’ does not eliminate a feed-wake-sleep cycle, but moves the baby’s routine in that direction. (Merge Six) Weeks 28-40: Sometime within the weeks listed, most Prep Babies drop their catnap. When that happens, the new routine includes a morning and afternoon nap along with three meals a day and a fourth liquid feeding at bedtime.

(Merge Seven) Weeks 46-52: This is when Prep Babies transition to three meals a day, with an optional bedtime liquid feed for breastfeeding mothers. This basic routine might continue through eighteen months of age, or until your baby drops his morn-ing nap.

THE FOUR BABYHOOD MERGES With the summary overview serving as a guide, let’s take a closer look at the final four Babyhood Transition merges. As we do, please keep in mind that while all babies have simi-

lar nutritional and sleep needs, how those needs are met can vary from one feed-wake-sleep cycle to another. One cycle might be 2½ hours, another 3 hours, and another 3½ hours. These range of times exists because some babies can tolerate a 3½ hour feed-wake-sleep cycle in the morning, while oth-ers can only handle a 3 hour routine. Some babies can tolerate longer waketimes and others cannot. Regardless of the time varia-tions within the remaining cycles, they must all fit between the first and the last feeding of the day. Let’s start our journey through the final four merges that make up the Babyhood Transitions phase.

‘Merge Four’–Weeks 16-24 At four months of age, most babies still receive six feedings in a 24-hour period. At some point in time between weeks sixteen to twenty, your baby’s daytime needs will begin to change, ushering in ‘Merge Four’. That is when six feedings a day are reduced to five feedings. What do we know about this transition? This is when most Prep Babies begin to extend their morning waketime. When readjusting the entire day, Mom will estab-lish the two ‘fixed’ feedings (first and last of the day), and readjust the other three feed-wake-sleep cycles according to the baby’s cues. This usually means there will be only one feed-wake-sleep cycle between break-fast and lunch, (although lunch time usually is moved up at least a half hour). Adding to the mix, is the possible introduction of solid foods. Solid foods can eventually have an impact on the length of each feed-wake-sleep cycle and will eventually trigger ‘Merge Five’.

Take a look at the sample times listed on

the schedules that follows. For purpose of illustration we’re using 7:00 a.m. as the first morning feed, but realize that some babies start their day at 6:00 a.m., others at 8:00 a.m. or anytime in between. Personalize the times to fit your baby’s needs.

Sample Schedule After Merge Four

(16-24 Weeks)

Activities

1. Early Morning

7:00 a.m. 1. Feeding

_______ 2. Waketime

_______ 3. Down for a nap

2. Late Morning

_______ 1. Feeding

_______ 2. Waketime


3. Early-afternoon

_______ 1. Feeding

_______ 2. Waketime


4. Late-afternoon

_______ 1. Feeding

_______ 2. Waketime*

5. Mid Evening

_______ 1. Waketime Continues

8:00 p.m. 2. Liquid feeding down for

night**

* Take note how the late afternoon waketimes extends into the early evening, concluding with the bedtime feeding. While there is no full naptime between the two feedings in this feed-wake-sleep cycle, a baby may on occasion, doze off for thirty to forty minutes depending on when the ‘late-after-noon’ cycle began.** Some breast-feeding Moms elect to offer an 11:00 p.m. ‘dream feed’.



‘Merge Five’–Weeks 24-39 Between five and seven months of age a partial feed-wake-sleep transition begins to take place in part due to the introduction of solid foods and in part due to the emer-gence of the ‘catnap’. As noted previously, the ‘catnap’ is a transitional nap, shorter in length but still necessary. It happens when a baby no longer needs the additional sleep of another full afternoon nap, but he is not quite ready to go without a short rest. When do PDF Babies drop their third ‘full’ nap and move to a ‘catnap’? It can hap-pen anytime between 24-39 weeks. This large span of time represents a huge varia-tion among babies, yet the span of weeks falls within the ‘normal’ range of predictable behavior. It is just a unique fact of individu-ality that some babies will drop the ‘full nap’ and replace it with a catnap within a months time, while other babies appear stuck in Merge Four, and continue with three naps a day well into the seventh month. Once your baby drops his third ‘full’ nap, his daytime feed-wake-sleep cycles can range between 3½ to 4-hours or possibly, for some babies, 4½-hours each day. That will depend on your baby’s unique needs and the time of day.

Sample Schedule After Merge Five(24-39 Weeks)

Activities1. Morning 7:00 a.m. 1. Feeding ______ 2. Waketime ______ 3. Down for a nap

2. Late Morning _______ 1. Feeding _______ 2. Waketime _______ 3. Down for a nap

3. Mid-Afternoon _______ 1. Feeding _______ 2. Waketime _______ 3. Down for a catnap*

4. Late Afternoon _______ 1. Feeding _______ 2. Waketime

5. Mid-Evening _______ 1. Early evening waketime 8:00 p.m. 2. Liquid feeding, down for the night

* ‘Catnaps’ may be as short as thirty minutes or as long as an hour.

‘Merge Six’–Weeks 28-40 Between weeks 28-40, most Prep Babies

drop their catnap reducing the five feed-wake-sleep cycles to four, which include breakfast, lunch, dinner and a liquid feeding at bedtime. Again, please notice the span of weeks separating Merge Six and Seven.

We previously mentioned the nighttime sleep trends for Cory and Anna. When it came to dropping his catnap, Cory did so at 29 weeks of age and transitioned beautifully into to ‘Merge Seven’. Meanwhile, across town, his cousin Anna hung on to her cat-nap until 39 weeks. Here again is an example of two babies responding to their individual sleep needs, but falling within the ‘normal’ range for dropping their catnap. Your new schedule will look something like this:

Sample Schedule After Merge Six(28-40 Weeks)

Activities 1. Breakfast 7:00 a.m. 1. Feeding ______ 2. Waketime ______ 3. Down for a nap

2. Mid-Day _______ 1. Feeding _______ 2. Waketime _______ 3. Down for a nap

3. Late-afternoon *_______ 1. Feeding _______ 2. Waketime **_______ 3. Feeding _______ 4. Bedtime

4. Mid-Evening***8:00 p.m. 1. Liquid feeding, down for the night

* Baby will receive his cereal,vegetables and or fruits at this feeding.

** Baby joins family mealtime with light finger foods. (This is more of a snack then a full meal.)

*** Initially, with only two naps a day, there may be occasions when an earlier bedtime might be needed.

‘Merge Seven’–Weeks 46-52 The only adjustment made with this merge is the dropping of the fourth liquid feeding right before bedtime. You might offer a cup of formula, breastmilk, or water, but a bottle of milk is not necessary. Congratulations! You have come a long way since the early weeks and the original nine feed-wake-sleep cycles. Your baby’s new schedule will look something like this:

Sample Schedule After Merge Seven (46-52 Weeks)

Activities 1. Early Morning 7:00 a.m. 1. Feeding _______ 2. Waketime _______ 3. Down for a nap

2. Mid-Day _______ 1. Feeding _______ 2. Waketime _______ 3. Down for a nap

3. Late-afternoon 4:00-4:30 p.m. 1. Snack after nap _______ 2. Waketime _______ 3. Dinner with family _______ 4. Early evening waketime 4. Bedtime 8:00 p.m. 1. Down for the night

Summary This last merge will continue to serve baby and the rest of the family up through eighteen months of age. Although some PDF Babies might drop their morning nap as early as sixteen weeks or as late as twenty-four weeks, your baby will give you all the signs when it is the right time for him. By now, as a Dad and Mom you have become masters at working your baby’s rou-tine. All needs were met according to his timetable of developing needs, and your little person is responding beautifully. The secret for success is still in the title: ‘Parent-directed’. As a mom and dad, you will decide what is best for your baby and when the proper adjustments should be made. This decision will not be based on the experience of others but based on the unique needs of your baby.


Sometimes it is difficult to move for-ward without first taking a few steps back. We trust the following question

and answer interchange will fall somewhere between helpful and informative, encourag-ing and corrective. The questions represent the most common four and five month old ‘mid-transition’ questions asked from our community of families. We’ll address addi-tional questions related to naps and sleep challenges in Visit Four.

Question One: Realizing that some feedings will come sooner than others, how much flexibility can a four month old handle in his routine? Can some cycles be three hours and other cycles four hours?

Answer: Regardless of your child’s age, a basic routine offers Mom and baby plenty of flexibility with time increments. This becomes more evident as baby grows. While the length of each feed-wake-sleep cycle during the early weeks of life remains fairly consistent, eventually over time, each cycle will have its own unique features. For example, at four months of age, one feed-wake-sleep cycle might be as short as 2½ hours, while another cycle may stretch to 3½ hours. At six months, everything changes again. Some babies have a longer wake-time or possibly shorter naptime impact-ing a particular cycle. This is why one cycle may be 3½ hours, another cycle 4 hours, (or

possibly 4½ hours). The range of variation depends on your baby’s unique needs, time of day, and his age.

Question Two: We worked with our three month old son to drop his late evening feeding by backing it up from 11:00 p.m. to 10:30 and then 10:15 p.m. But now our son is waking at 5:00 in the morning, and his routine morning feeding is around 7:00 a.m. Should we go back to the 11:00 p.m. feeding or do something different in the morning?

Answer: Some babies, while transitioning from eight hours of nighttime sleep to nine or ten hours, might wake earlier than their normal morning feed. For example, what should Mom do if her baby is starting to wake 5:00 a.m. when the established rou-tine does not normally start until 7:00 a.m.? There are three workable options to solve this challenge.

First, Mom might wait ten to fifteen min-utes to make sure her son is truly awake, because he might be passing through an ‘active’ sleep state, moving to deeper sleep.

Second, (and most commonly employed strategy), is to feed him at 5:00 a.m. and put him back down for more sleep. She can then start his day when he wakes. For example, if he wakes at 8:00 a.m. allow that time to be the new ‘first feeding’ and then adjust the rest of the baby’s day accordingly.

A third option is to offer a feeding at 5:00

Common Mid-TransitionQuestions

o

COMMON MID-TRANSITION QUESTIONS 27

a.m., treating it as the first feeding of the day. In that situation, you would adjust the rest of the baby’s day schedule, and Mom’s as well.

Question Three: My goal is to breastfeed for a year. How can I keep up my milk supply if my baby is sleeping twelve hours at night?

Answer: As a baby extends his nighttime sleep to ten hours, Mom must stay mindful of her milk production. Allowing a baby to sleep longer than ten hours at night may not provide enough feedings during the day for sufficient stimulation. Therefore, if you are breast-feeding, maintain the 10:00 or 11:00 p.m. ‘dream feed’. Many moms report their baby will nurse without waking, but still take a good feeding.

Question Four: Since they both come around the same time at night, is there a difference between the ‘late evening feed’ and the ‘dream feed’?

Answer: Yes, there is a difference in purpose! The late evening feeding provides necessary nutrition and is part of a baby’s routine up through the first three months. Once a baby is sleeping ten to twelve hours at night, the ‘dream feed’ might be offered around the time of the late evening feeding, but for a different purpose. It is not offered because the baby needs the calories, but to help the breast feeding mom maintain an adequate milk supply. As previously noted, not all nursing mothers need to offer a ‘dream feed’. Question Five: Lately, my baby is waking halfway through his naps. I know he is not fully rested. What is going on here and what do I do when this happens?

Answer: In Chapter Seven of Preparation for Parenting, we offered a variety of reasons why a baby might periodically or consistently wake early out of a sound nap. Topping the list of many possibilities are two that relate to waketimes. Here’s the connection. Some waketimes are too short and some may be too long or over stimulating. For example, your baby might be doing great during his waketime but as he grows, waketimes are not being extended because Mom loves the schedule her baby is on. However, with growth comes a slight adjustment in the amount of sleep needed, and where this often shows up is during naptime. He wakes early because he is not sufficiently tired. The fix here is easy—extend his waketime.

On the other hand, some waketimes may be sufficient in length but over stimulating, or the waketime activity might be fine but the waketime is too long. Both the over-tired and the over-stimulated baby become hyper-alert—fighting off sleep by waking early and crying. If this is a regular problem then shortening baby’s waketime by 15 minute increments can help. Mom should evaluate all the activities of her day. Are you excessively busy? Are there too many visitors dropping by who have an irresistible urge to hug, rock and entertain your baby? Are you spending too much time away from home? This can be a source of over-stimulation, especially when baby is going along for the ride. The coming and going from here and there, new sights, sounds, along with the absence of predict-ability, all work against good naps.

Catnaps in a car seat will sometimes come in handy, but they should never be considered a substitute for a full nap in the crib, especially during the first year.


Question Six: We recently visited relatives where our daughter was held and enter-tained the entire two weeks. Now at home everything is out of whack. Is there an easy way to get her back on her routine?

Answer: Whether it is a weekend away or a short vacation, there are some adjustments to be made when Mom, Dad and baby return home. As a general rule, parents should expect that it might take up to one-half of the time spent away to get everything back to normal. For example, if you’re gone two weeks, then it may take three to five days before everything returns to normal. Speaking of normal, try to resume your normal routine as soon as possible because that is where familiarity lies. Your baby’s room, crib, highchair, living room sounds and favorite toys are all part of what makes up ‘normal’ in her life.

Question Seven: My baby is four months old. Is it too early to introduce rice cereal?

Answer: Babies are highly individual when it comes to showing a readiness for solid foods. One baby might show signs at four months, while another shows no signs of readiness until six months. As a general rule, babies usually start between four and six months of age, although some research suggests that holding off solids to five or six months may decrease the possibility of food allergies. Please note, the research is not suggesting that by offering solids at four months you will create food allergies, but rather some babies have an underdeveloped ability to digest solid foods, which is reflected by food allergies.

The American Academy of Pediatrics

leans toward six months before starting solids, but most grandmothers will tell you anytime between four and six months is appropriate if your baby shows all the signs. Your baby’s pediatrician or family practitio-ner will direct you based on your child’s unique nutritional needs. (The ‘signs’ to look for that signal solid food readiness can be found in Visit Two.)

Question Eight: Our four month old is on a great schedule. Unfortunately, I have to go back to work. What are the main challenges that I might face when it comes to my baby’s routine and the daily activities of day-care?

Answer: Throughout the journey of mother-hood, there may be seasons when financial need or a professional commitment requires employment outside the home. For these moms, whether working full or part-time, the burden of parenting will multiply and so does the emotional stress and physical fatigue that comes from trying to balance employment, marriage and parenting. We understand the challenges that employ-ment can bring. If this section speaks to you, please know there are some strategies that can help relieve some of the tension and minimize fatigue. Here are a few thoughts:

1. Working outside the home can create emotional stresses in the form of doubt, guilt or questions about their woman-hood. She might wonder as a wife, “Am I neglecting my husband?” As a mom, “Am I neglecting or abandoning my baby?” Or as a woman, “Am I neglecting my home?” These are legitimate feelings and con-cerns. However, mothers are not alone when it comes to doubt, fear and guilt.

COMMON MID-TRANSITION QUESTIONS 29

There are challenges husbands wrestle with including: “Am I being a good pro-tector of my wife?” And “Am I being a good provider for my family?” These are different but mutual concerns that Mom and Dad should work through.

2. When speaking to a day-care provider, whether it is an individual sitter or an institutional setting, find out what their ‘normal’ day looks like. What type of rou-tine do they follow and what is the child to worker ratio? The key to your baby’s routine is the feed-wake-sleep cycle. How close does the day care come to that basic flow? You may find the day care’s routine is not that much different than yours.

3. Cooperative leadership is part of the par-enting equation that brings Dad into the picture. He should be a willing partner, sharing in the mechanics of home life, which include doing laundry or taking on more kitchen duties either by pre-paring a meal or cleaning up afterwards. Basically, it is doing whatever it takes to help relieve pressure from Mom. There may be times when ‘take out’ food is the easiest thing to do and more likely to be better tasting than a hastily prepared meal.

4. Accept the fact that when both parents are employed outside the home, it may mean sacrificing some time with friends, less time with hobbies, the house may not be immaculate, and parenting goals will not be achieved quite as fast as your stay-at-home friends. But they will be achieved in time, as long as both parents are committed to each other and the basic

priorities of their parenting.

5. Re-prioritize some of the evening respon-sibilities so Mom can get to bed earlier. Some activities can be moved to another time-slot during the day. For example, use the lunch hour to run errands, pay bills, return phone calls, and send per-sonal correspondence.

6. Stay mindful of your health. Not eating properly or drinking enough fluids also contributes to fatigue. Certain medi-cations can make moms over-tired as well. As a mom and nurse, Anne Marie paid particular attention to the labels and warnings on any over-the-counter medications. Certain medications such as antihistamines, pain relievers, or any stimulants can suppress sleep and there-fore add to the feeling of being fatigued.

A Word to the Single MomThe working single mom will, of course,

experience more pressure on her home life and parenting. Nonetheless, many of the principles above apply to her situation. Since she is parenting, and managing a home with-out a spouse, she should let other people know of her needs. Seeking outside help from her local church or community ser-vices is one way. The church youth pastor might have a list of teens that could do lawn work or help around the house as a service project. Often these youth projects are done as a ministry gift at no cost.

We know from experience that when these little ideas mentioned above begin to merge together, they tend to create some big relief for the fatigued and stressed working mom, especially when parenting alone.

Parents are naturally concerned about the nutritional health of their babies, and for good reason. Infants have

unique caloric needs and between four and six months of age those needs begin to mul-tiply and change. This is when most babies receive their first taste of solid foods. Our initial discussion of introducing solids will be confined to a brief overview of the vari-ous food groups that will, over the next six months, become part of your baby’s diet. In our next visit, we take up the time tested step-by-step process of introducing solid foods into your baby’s diet along with a few cautions. For now, the place to begin is with a general overview of the various food group options.

THE FIVE BABY-FOOD GROUPSIf the modern mom only had to deal with a basic selection of cereal, vegetables and fruits, the task of introducing solid foods would be fairly easy. Unfortunately, the chal-lenge comes with the ever increasing assort-ment of food-combinations offered by baby food manufactures. On store shelves today, it is not just a cereal option, but cereals mixed with fruits, or cereals mixed with vegetables, or vegetables mixed with fruits. Multiply the number of vegetables with the number of fruits and the final figure will explain why the baby food section takes up half-an-aisle at the neighborhood grocers.

The good news is that babies do not need to sample every food variety, but they do

need the basic nutrition derived from the various food groups.

One thing mothers soon learn is that babies have no food or flavor expectations until they are created by the foods served. For that reason, we recommend keeping each food group separate until all have been introduced. After that, feel free to explore the cereal/fruit or fruit/vegetable combinations.

Our overview begins with the five Babyhood Transitions food groups. They include: cereal, vegetables, fruits, meats and juices. Of the five, cereal, vegetables and fruits are usually introduced when baby is between six to eight months. Meats can be held off until ten months of age or older. Juices can be delayed until baby’s first birthday or longer, since they have limited nutritional value. Cereals: While there are three cereal options, rice cereal is most often recommended by pediatricians because it causes the least amount of allergic reaction for baby. Oat and barley are two other excellent options, but your pediatrician or family practitioner will direct you to the best cereal option for your baby.

Vegetables: Once cereal has been success-fully introduced, you move to vegetables. Vegetables are divided into color categories, the most common being the yellow and green varieties. Health wise it doesn’t really

Baby Food Basicso

matter which color or actual vegetable you begin with but most moms start with yellow vegetables, such as squash, sweet potatoes or carrots. Once these three are satisfactorily introduced, she can then move to the green vegetables, which include peas and green beans. (In our next visit we will explain why it is best to introduce vegetables according to their color groups, and how long it will take.)

Fruits: After successfully introducing yel-low and green vegetables, fruits are the next entree. While fruits make up an important nutritional component in a baby’s diet, they are not as important as the nutrition pro-vided through cereal and vegetables. For that reason, a mother can hold off introducing fruits until after seven or even eight months of age.

Meats: The fourth food group are the pro-tein-based meats, including chicken, tur-key, beef and ham. However, babies usually receive plenty of protein from breast milk or formula, so meats can be held off until ten months of age or older.

Juices: After the introduction of meats comes what we call the ‘fun foods’ — the juices. However, we do not recommend they be introduced until well after baby’s first birth-day. There is a good reason for this warning. Juices do not offer any additional nutritional value that a baby is not already receiving from fruits. It is more of a ‘fun food’ than a nutritional necessity.

INTRODUCING THE SIPPY CUP

While you may hold off introducing juices, we do not suggest delaying the introduction

of the sippy cup. The American Academy of Pediatrics actually suggests that a child move completely to a sippy cup by their first birth-day. This not only speaks to a child’s ability to handle a cup but also to Mom and Dad’s need to be proactive in the training involved. Introduce the sippy cup around six months of age using formula, breast milk or water as great starting liquids. Remember, no juices until after a year.

Like baby bottles, sippy cups come in an assortment of colors, shapes, sizes and styles but the most important concern for mom, is the ‘no drip/no spill’ feature. As far as the child is concerned, it should be one that is easy to hold. A second feature to consider is the cup with the straw attached. When comparing the two styles, a regular sippy cup requires three steps: tilt, sip, and swal-low. A sippy cup with a straw requires two steps, sip and swallow. The sippy cup with a straw comes with a universal advantage. If out to a restaurant or visiting a friend, all you need is a cup and a straw to be in your child’s familiarity zone. However, if your baby is only familiar with a regular sippy cup, you might find him doing more tilting and spill-ing instead of sipping and swallowing.

Introducing the sippy cup early has a number of benefits—one being convenience; nothing has to be prepared. Fill with water and take it on an outing or offer it after wak-ing from his afternoon nap. For the nursing mother, weaning directly to a cup is a much easier transition than weaning to an unfamil-iar bottle and then to a cup. (You will read about the weaning process in Visit Three.)

Prayer Is it ever too early to introduce a prayer of thanksgiving for the food your baby is

BABY FOOD BASICS 31


about to receive? Too often parents look at their little ones and assume prayer to be a spiritual exercise too lofty for a baby. And yet, God finds pleasure when we offer ‘inter-cessory’ prayer on behalf of others. Our chil-dren fall into that category of ‘others’. Acknowledging and thanking God for His provision should be the starting point of all mealtime activities. Parents act as the proxy for their children in different ways, including offering ‘thanks’ on their behalf for the food they are about to enjoy. Establishing healthy prayer patterns early will stay with your child for life. Verbally giving thanks sets an example. It not only honors God, but communicates to your child that our Heavenly Father is approachable and finds pleasure when we seek Him. When you pray with your baby, hold his little hands and say, “Let’s bow our heads and thank God for your food” and then offer a prayer on the child’s behalf. Never underestimate the spiritual dimension of a mother or father’s prayer.

Summary With this basic introduction to solid foods, we are ready to move to the step-by- step process of introducing each of the food groups. As we do, keep in mind that feeding a baby solid foods is not just a Mom thing—to the contrary, there is plenty of room for Dad’s involvement, and plenty of need for it.

A WORD TO DADSIn sphere of family life, no father has the lux-ury of just one job. When leaving his place of

employment, he returns to the most impor-tant vocation of his life, that being a husband and a father. Every dad knows what it is like to walk through the door after a busy day at work only to discover he is needed even more at home. Some would say this is just part of a father’s obligation or his reasonable duty to help around the house. We never felt that way. It is not just a matter of providing a helping hand now and then, or a convenient way to interact with a son or daughter dur-ing a meal, but a way to take advantage of the simple, the pure and the good things of life. Choosing the joy associated with being in the presence of your children is not an obligation, but a lifestyle of choice that has broader community impact. Even something as basic as feeding a baby has it’s rewards of pleasure and satisfaction, and contributes to a father’s public identity. The positive consequence of a man having the right priorities in the home is a healthy sense of respect and appreciation that the community reflects back to him. Men who are known for being caring and loving husbands and involved fathers, reflect to their community of peers: confidence, trustworthiness, and believability. These are the silent virtues that ultimately define him as a man and leader within the community. That is why there is more reward contained in those ordinary moments of family time than anything a day job can offer.

BABY FOOD BASICS 33

Visit One: Questions for Review

1. What are the two adjustment periods of the Babyhood Transitions phase?

2. What is the difference between ‘growth’ and ‘learning’?

3. What is the basic application of the first-last principle?

4. Why is there an overlap in weeks between Merge Five and Merge Six?

5. At what age can solid foods be introduced into a baby’s diet?

6. List the five basic Babyhood Transitions food groups. a. b. c. d. e.

7. When should a parent introduce the sippy cup and why?

8. How can a man’s family identity be a beacon to the world?


Visit TwoIntroducing Solid Foods and

Waketime Activities


1.

2.

3.

4.

5._

My Noteso

Visit TwoSummary (6 to 9 Months)

1. The introduction of solid foods opens up a ‘world of choice’ to your baby.

2. The introduction of solids foods is a new experience for babies.

Before cereal a baby never:

a. had a spoon placed in his mouth,

b. never swallowed pureed foods,

c. never experienced a food texture or taste other than milk.

3. Pushing food out of the mouth with the tongue is referred to as

‘Tongue Thrusting.’ This happens initially because baby doesn’t

know what to do with the food placed in his mouth.

4. When introducing solids remember to wait three to four days

and check for any allergic reactions before introducing a new

food group.

5. Watch how rice cereal impacts your baby’s stooling pattern. Rice

cereal may cause constipation.

6. Avoid wheat and corn cereals until after baby’s first birthday.

7. With the introduction of solid foods, breast feeding moms must

continue with five or six nursing periods a day.

8. A breast feeding mother should nurse first before offering solids

to her baby. This prevents baby from filling up on cereal and not

wanting to nurse afterwards.

9. Parents should make it a habit to read the labels on all baby food

jars. There a parent will find:

a. recommended amounts to offer,

b. ingredients and,

c. manufacturer’s storage recommendations.

10. Introduce yellow vegetables first, including squash, carrots, and

sweet potatoes waiting a few days in between items to check for

any allergic reaction.

38 THE BABYHOOD TRANSITIONS ~ VISIT TWO

11. Follow yellow vegetables with green vegetables, such as peas and

green beans.

12. ‘Begin as you mean to go.’ Mom should hold baby’s hands when first

offering solids. Eventually train your baby to hold the side of his

highchair tray, or to hold his hands on his lap.

13. Be careful not to create a food war between fruits, which are natu-

rally sweet, and vegetables. Offer cereal or vegetables first and then

fruits.

14. Begin introducing basic fruits such as applesauce, pears, peaches,

and bananas. (A list of fruits to avoid are noted in this workbook.)

15. Protein foods, (turkey, chicken and beef), can be held off until baby

is ten months of age or older since formula and breastmilk are

good sources of protein.

16. Avoid egg whites until baby is at least a year old.

17. Yogurt should not be served before baby’s first birthday, and should

be the full-fat variety; no diet yogurts for babies.

18. Juices serve limited nutritional value for children under a year. If

they are served they should be diluted with water by 50% to 75%.

Offer only clear juices, not pulp.

19. Fruit drinks are not the same thing as fruit juices and should not

be served to a baby.

20. Waketime serves as an active learning opportunity that needs both

planning and encouragement and includes blanket time and play-

pen time.

21. Waketimes are important to baby’s development, therefore parents

should:

a. provide sufficient opportunity for baby to self-learn; avoid

entertaining baby at every waketime.

b. when babies reaches eight or nine months of age, they achieve

a new level of cognitive awareness, therefore waketime will

require more planning.

At a quick glance, the process of adding solid foods to a baby’s diet seems rela-tively simple if you are only looking at

the mechanics involved—a small spoon, puree food and a hungry baby. However, as noted in our last visit, there is much more going on at mealtime than just filling up a little tummy and that is where mothers and fathers can begin to experience some resistance and challenges to their loving and tender leadership. This is in part due to the change in menus. Up to five or six months of age, most babies only have one entrée to choose from—milk! Yet there is much more to this. With the introduction of solid foods something extra ordinary begins to take place. Your baby is not simply being introduced to new foods, but a ‘world of choice’ where he begins to acquire likes, dislikes, preferences and the ‘blossoming’ willpower to battle Mom and Dad over his rights to decide what should and should not be on today’s menu.

As choices become part of a baby’s life, an entirely new realm of training opportu-nities become part of Mom and Dad’s life. For example: What happens when your baby shows preferences toward one food over another, or suddenly and arbitrarily decides he no longer enjoys the taste of a particular food? What will you do? And what about those little hands? Will they be free to explore his food or combine his food with his hair? What happens when he discovers the joy of dropping food on the floor because he has learned that the dog will respond to him? How will you respond that?

These are only a few of the common challenges that at some point, every Mom and Dad will be confronted with and must decide how they will handle.

STARTING WITH THE BASICSOne would think that eating comes as naturally as breathing. Not so for babies! Introducing solids requires a new skill level and some adapting. For example, your baby has never had a spoon repeatedly placed in his mouth before; let alone a spoon with food on it. This new action and accompany-ing sensations take a little time to get use to it. In fact, your baby will initially push the little bit of food you put into his mouth, back out with his tongue. This is called ‘tongue thrusting’ and should not be interpreted that he doesn’t like his food, but rather and simply, he doesn’t know what to do with it. That is because he has never swallowed solid food, which is different than gulping and swallowing milk. Solid foods also differ in taste and texture than either breast milk or formula, so there could be some resistance to the various changes in taste. However, none of these early food challenges will last very long because babies are hard wired to adapt to changes that accompany growth.

Signs of ReadinessAs noted in Visit One, solid foods are

usually introduced between four and six months of age, depending on baby’s needs and readiness cues. For example, solid foods

Introducing Solid FoodsStep by Step

o


should only be introduced after your child can hold his head up and is able to sit up (with support). Typically, this corresponds to the time when a baby can lift his head off a blanket and sustain that position. Without theses skills in place, a baby should only receive his daily nourishment through breast milk or formula.

Other indicators include the doubling of his birth weight (or weighing about 15 pounds). Your baby might be ready for sol-ids if he shows signs of hunger even though he is receiving 32 oz. of formula a day. The breast feeding equivalent would be your baby showing signs of hunger after six full breastfeeds in a twenty-four hour period. For the baby who has a well-established nighttime sleep pattern, any abnormal wak-ing at night between five and six months of age, or waking early during naps, might also signal that more nutrition is required during the day.

The Five Food StagesBecause a baby’s calorie needs change

with growth, baby food manufacturers categorize food servings into stages. Each stage represents another level of food mix-ture, nutritional complexity and amounts per serving. You will note these changes also in the three different size jars available in stores. Since we will be referring to the vari-ous stages throughout the chapter, a brief summary here will be helpful.

Stage One: (4 to 6 months) Single-grain cereal and single ingredient baby foods.

Stage Two: (6 to 7 months) Single ingredient servings or a combination of vegetables and fruits for added flavor and variety.

Stage Three: (8 to 12 months) A new range of textures, slightly coarser than pureed foods, packaged in larger containers for growing appetites. (At this age the AAP rec-ommends a baby receive between 750 to 900 calories each day with 400 to 500 coming from breast milk or formula.)

Stage Four: (12 to 15 months) Regular family meals supplemented with some baby food.

Stage Five: (15 months and up) Regular fam-ily meals, no baby food supplement neces-sary.

Checking for Allergic ReactionsBetween four and seven months a baby’s

intestinal lining goes through a growth pro-cess referred to as ‘gut closure’, meaning the intestinal lining becomes more discriminat-ing about what to let through. Ironically, breast fed babies tend to experience closure before formula fed babies. This fact may explain why breast fed babies can actu-ally handle the introduction of solid foods without allergic reaction before formula fed babies.

Regardless, one basic rule of introducing solids is to begin with one item at a time, waiting three to five days before introducing another new food type to see if your baby develops an allergic reaction. Sequential introduction of food items allows you to monitor your baby’s reaction so proper nutritional adjustments can be made if needed. For example, your baby might do fine with yellow squash, but have a reaction to peas. Tummy discomfort, diarrhea, even rashes are common symptoms of food aller-gies. Vomiting while rare, is a more serious indicator that baby is having a reaction. The

bottom line? Never introduce multiple food types at the same time. If you do, you will not know which food caused the reaction if one occurs.

When you begin introducing cereal into your baby’s diet, start with the morning meal. If your baby, by any chance does have an intestinal reaction, it will be noticed and should pass by the end of the day. By starting a new food at noon or at dinner, you run the risk of pushing the reaction to the middle of the night when sleep disturbances are more difficult to discern.

Finally, before starting solids, check with immediate and extended family members to find out if there is a history of food allergies. Knowing whether allergies run in the family or not gives you a big advantage. If there is a history on either side, a higher probability exist that your little one will be challenged by food allergies. If it happens, at least your not caught off guard.

GETTING STARTEDThe introduction of solid foods does not mean the suspension of liquid feedings. The calories gained from breast milk or formula are still of prime importance. However, your baby is reaching a growth point where nei-ther solid foods nor liquid feedings alone are nutritionally sufficient. Both are required because your baby’s body needs additional amounts of trace elements that cannot be found sufficiently in milk or formula alone.

Iron and zinc, essential for your baby’s physical growth and brain development are two of them, and both are contained in infant cereal, along with Vitamins C and D. Babies need Vitamin C to aid their immune system and to help process iron intake and Vitamin D to grow strong bones and teeth.

While breast milk is the perfect food for your baby, Vitamin D supplements are usually required for breast feeding mothers, espe-cially after five months. Continuing with your pre-natal vitamins will help with this. (Bottle fed babies receive their daily require-ments of Vitamin D from formula.)

Another small point for first times Moms to be aware of has to do with the learning curve. If this is your first baby, be patient with the process. Learning to swallow solids from a spoon is a new skill. As such, the first few feedings tend to be a little messy until your baby adapts to swallowing solids, which usually takes one to three days.

Do not be overly alarmed if it appears as if your baby is losing interest in eating before you think he should. You will discover that over the next several months your baby will not be equally hungry at each meal. This fact will become increasingly evident by one year of age. Signs that baby is sati-ated include turning his head away from the spoon, thrusting food out of his mouth, or beginning to cry. At this point, you can com-plete the meal by breast feeding or offering a bottle of formula, or just move to the next waketime activity.

Introducing CerealOnce your baby is sitting upright and

shows all the signs that he needs additional nutrition, the actual task of introducing solid foods comes next. The first serving utensil is a spoon, and whether it is a rubber tip or mental surface doesn’t really matter because your baby doesn’t know the difference—he has never compared the two and formed an opinion. Nor are there any studies that sug-gest babies shows a major preference. It is

INTRODUCING SOLID FOODS STEP BY STEP 41


theorized however, that a bottle-fed infant might show a small preference to plastic tip spoons because they are use to a latex or rub-ber nipple on the bottle; but eventually your baby will adjust to whatever you use. As you will discover, your baby is more interested with the food on his spoon than the spoon itself.

There are three cereal food sources that can and should eventually become part of your baby’s diet. Rice cereal is the most common because it causes the least amount of allergic reactions. The downside of rice cereal is a potential constipation problem. This is something to monitor and if routinely occurring, brought to the attention of your baby’s pediatrician.

If your pediatrician determines that rice cereal is not best for your baby, oat and barley cereals are two excellent substi-tutes. We encourage Moms to introduce all three cereals over the course of a couple of months. The only ‘grain’ to initially avoid is wheat cereal because it is an allergen. The new studies suggest that wheat cereal can be introduced as early as nine months, but our recommendation is wait until after baby’s first birthday. There are no nutritional advantages gained with wheat cereal that the other cereals are not already providing.

HOW TO BEGIN? Your cereal adventure begins on day one.

Day One: Start by mixing 1 tablespoon of rice cereal with four tablespoons of either breast milk, formula, or water. (The texture should be similar to a cream of wheat con-sistency, not overly thick like a paste, nor watery enough to drip off a spoon.) Although you will be making changes to the amount

of the cereal added in the future, keep the consistency the same. Breakfast is the best meal to begin introducing cereal.

Day Two: Mix 2 tablespoons of rice cereal with your baby’s liquids and offer at break-fast.

Days Three & Four: Increase the mixture to 3 tablespoons on the third day and 4 tablespoons on the fourth day. Maintain consistency by increasing the amount of liquid gradually. Cereal can now be offered at breakfast and lunch.

Day Five: If there are no allergic reactions by the end of day four, start offering cereal three times a day, using approximately a quarter cup per meal.

Once beyond the first week, begin offer-ing your baby solids at the normal feeding times. For example, if you have been breast or bottle feeding him at 7:00 a.m. (break-fast), 11:00 a.m. (lunch), 3:00 p.m. (dinner), and 7:00 p.m., then solids should accom-pany at least the three major meals. Over time your baby’s feeding times should align with the rest of the family. Since cereal is an excellent source of iron, it is advised that you continue at least one serving per day up through the first year.

You will start introducing vegetables in a week to ten days, assuming that cereal was successfully introduced. (See Introducing Vegetables)

Combining Breast feeding and SolidsA breast feeding mom must stay mind-

ful of protecting her milk supply. To help

achieve this, she will continue with at least five nursing periods each day, three of which will be supplemented with solid foods: at breakfast, lunch and dinner. The two times a day when her baby is receiving just breast milk will be right after one of the afternoon naps and again just before bedtime.

There is one caution to note when com-bining breast feeding with solid foods. What a Mom does not want to do is offer the solid foods first and then try to nurse. As baby becomes more efficient at taking solids and becomes satiated, he will be less interested in nursing. Less stimulation leads to a drastic reduction in Mom’s ability to produce suf-ficient milk. Instead, nurse first from both sides and then offer the solids.

There is another way to combine nursing and the introduction of solid foods. Mom can nurse from one side, then offer solids, and then finish the meal by nursing from the second side. This might be done when initially introducing cereal, although it may not be the most efficient method to use after cereal has been successfully introduced. For the same reason we mentioned a moment ago, baby might become satiated with his cereal and therefore not nurse efficiently from the second side. This will most likely lead to a decrease in your milk supply, and eventually early weaning.

If you are bottle feeding, offer two ounces, then solids, followed by the remain-ing amount of formula. Once you start add-ing solids to his diet, his daily intake of milk should gradually decrease from the normal 32 ounces a day to 24 ounces. After your baby is established on all solid foods, he should receive at least 20 ounces of formula per day alongside a varied diet, until he is a year old. (Pediatricians normally do not

advise moving from formula to cow’s milk until after baby’s first birthday.)

Of course, you should not offer solid foods, then two hours later nurse, followed two hours later with more solids. This will create a ‘snacker’ and disrupts your child’s well established patterns of healthy naps and nighttime sleep.

Introducing VegetablesOnce your baby is receiving three cereal

portions a day, he is ready for vegetables. Start with the noon meal, introducing yel-low vegetables (squash or carrots). Watch for any allergic reaction over the next three or four days before introducing green veg-etables, (peas or beans). Over time, expand the choices of primary vegetables matching those most familiar to your family.

Serving PortionsReading the labels on the baby food jars

and cereal boxes is a good habit to get into because there you will find the manufac-turer’s serving portions, storage instructions and ingredients listed. Stage One baby food jars contain 2½ ounces of food. Stage Two jars contain 3½ ounces. Each time you intro-duce another food group (vegetables, fruits or meats), start with half a jar or less for a few days, watching for excessive fussiness, rashes, runny nose, diarrhea, or watery eyes.

By day four or five, increase the veg-etables to one small jar twice a day, usu-ally at lunch and dinner. And please think long term. Over time, gradually offer your baby a variety of food tastes. This will help decrease the possibility of a picky or finicky eater down the road. This is a good place to remind you to begin as you mean to go.


At Stage Two (6-7 months), move to the larger baby food jars and serve approximately 3 ounces at least twice a day (one jar at lunch and one at dinner). You can continue this through the eighth month or until you begin offering home-prepared vegetables.

Mothers should also be looking for any change in her baby’s skin color. Some babies enjoy squash and carrots so much it becomes the serving food of choice. However, too many yellow vegetables in a baby’s diet can cause skin tones to turn slightly orange. This harmless condition is known as carotenemia and is due to the carotene levels contained in yellow vegetables. The most often recom-mended ‘fix’ is to reduce the amount of yel-low vegetables being served in your baby’s diet.

INTRODUCING FRUITS

The various fruits options that eventu-ally become part of your baby’s diet, must be introduced with some caution, mainly because they are a ‘pleasure’ food and naturally more enjoyable than vegetables. Knowing that, Mom must be careful not to create a food war preference between fruits and vegetables. This is accomplished if she views fruits as a type of ‘dessert’, rather than part of the main course. Keep the cereals and vegetables first and the fruits last.

Where do you begin?Most Moms begin with the basic fruits;

applesauce, pears, peaches and bananas. Initially, like all new foods, start at one meal, and eventually move the fruit serving to twice a day; this is usually done at lunch and dinner, but fruits can also be part of the breakfast meal.

How Much Fruit at Each Serving?5 to 6 months: 1½ to 2 oz. twice a day7 months: 3 to 4 oz. twice a day8 months: 4 to 6 oz. twice a day9-12 months: Introduce soft, mashed or fruits sliced into small pieces.

Unfortunately, not all fruits or other simi-lar food sources are safe for babies. Avoid serving the following until after your baby’s first birthday or recommended by your baby’s pediatrician.

• Whole grapes• Large pieces of fruit• Fruits with skin on it• Fruits with seeds• Blackberries• Raspberries• Strawberries• Cherry Tomatoes• Citrus Fruits• Orange Juice• Grapefruit Juice*

(*The problem with citrus is the high acidity rates that create tummy discomfort in babies under a year.)

Honey is another food source to place on the ‘do not’ feed list. Actually, the inges-tion of honey, corn syrup or certain types of sweeteners could be fatal to a baby under a year of age. If you have any hesitation or questions regarding a particular food source, check with your baby’s pediatrician. Eventually your baby’s solid food menu will look as simple as this:


Breakfast: Cereal and fruitsLunch: Vegetables and fruitsDinner: Cereal, vegetables, and fruits

INTRODUCING MEATS

The protein food groups are necessary to help build muscle and strengthen the immune system. This would include the tur-key, chicken and beef varieties of baby food. However, since a baby is receiving highly digestible protein from his breast milk or for-mula, there is no real urgency to add meats into your baby’s diet until stage three (8-12 months), or longer. Servings of 2½ ounces a day at the mid-day meal is sufficient to meet your baby’s protein needs. As with the other food sources, offer one type of meat first and watch for an allergic response. Not all meats are good for babies, or adults for that matter. Avoid processed meats that are high in sodium content, and any skinned-meat such as hotdogs or sausage. Becoming nutritionally wise requires that you read all the labels and understand what types of meats you’re offering.

Another protein source is the egg yolk. Unfortunately, egg whites are not recom-mended for babies under a year, so it makes sense to hold off eggs entirely until after a baby’s first birthday. Nuts and peanut butter should also be held off until your baby is beyond twelve months of age.

JUICES

Clear liquid fruit juices are not only the last food options to become part of your baby’s diet, but the least necessary. Juices are a ‘fun food’ and that is about it. They offer very little nutritional value. Because of their sweetness, they can easily be diluted 50% to 75% with water and served occasionally

as opposed to everyday. Avoid juices that contain pulp like orange or grapefruit juice. Store-bought juice drinks come with some strict government labeling facts. The U.S. Food and Drug Administration wants consumers to know that there is a difference between ‘fruit juices’ and ‘fruit drinks’. Fruit juices are labeled 100% fruit juice with no additives. Fruit drinks only have a percent-age of fruit juice, supplemented with added sugars and sulfates. Your baby should not have any fruit drinks until he is well into the toddler years and pasteurized juices are the safest.

A better nutritional option than juices is fresh fruits that come from your food pro-cessor or blender. Apples, pears, kiwi and grapes blended to a ‘sauce’ texture are a refreshing and healthy treat.

MAKING YOUR OWN BABY FOODPreparing your own baby food is an easy, money-saving alternative to store-bought brands. If home preparation is your choice, be sure you only use organic foods as they contain no nitrites derived from soil fertil-izers. Nitrites have been linked to a type of anemia in babies. Safe food sources make for healthy babies.

It is easy to prepare vegetables such as carrots, peas, green beans, yams, sweet pota-toes, and butternut squash (and they freeze well). To prepare carrots, peas, or green beans, boil in water until tender. Puree in a blender, adding small amounts of purified water as needed. To prepare yams, sweet potatoes, or squash, cook them in the oven until very soft. Remove the skin and any seeds, then puree the remainder in a blender with purified water. When preparing large quantities for freezing, always sterilize your



containers. When needed, thaw the food in your refrigerator not on the counter.

Cookbooks are a good resource for baby food preparation, and much safer than inter-net resources. Books have to be screened and edited before being published and printed. Anyone can post their ideas, good or bad, on the internet without accountability. Please be careful regarding ‘free’ advice you find on the internet.

TRAIN, NOT RETRAINMom and baby will spend a considerable amount of time together at meals. For this reason, Mom should consider mealtime an opportunity to teach basic skills such as where to place baby’s hands during meal-time. If necessary, hold your baby’s hands away from his food. Even better, in the very near future you can teach him where to place his hands while being fed. As he moves into the second adjustment phase of the Babyhood Transitions, start by having him place his hands on the side of the highchair tray or under the tray on his lap. Training proactively is better than train-ing reactively with correction. For example, the child who lacks hand control tends to put his fingers in his food, then in his hair, and then wipes them on his shirt resulting

in additional clean up and correction. When that happens, Mom begins her training in the negative, because she is forced to react. That is why we emphasize ‘begin as you mean to go’. Do not allow a behavioral freedom that will eventually need to be corrected. In the example above, the mom is not encourag-ing right behavior, she is only chasing after wrong behavior.

SummaryIn this visit, we worked through some

guiding principles for introducing solid foods into your baby’s diet, starting with cereal, then vegetables, fruits, meats and juices. We’re not done with foods just yet. In Visit Three we will take up some of the ‘snack food’ challenges that can easily slip in during the second Babyhood adjustment phase.

Regardless of which phase you’re in how-ever, the activities that follow mealtime are critically important to your baby’s future. What should a mom do after taking care of her baby’s food needs? What activities should be part of a baby’s extended wake-time?

In the building process, whether it be a physical structure or the moral fabric of a human heart, laying a proper foundation is

the key to future success. Unfavorable or inad-equate training, even as young as six months of age, can weaken or undermine a baby’s ability to adapt to changes in the future. This is why the early establishment of right ‘thought’ patterns, which come from healthy habits of behavior, are basic tenets of human potential. It is also why waketime activities during the various Babyhood Transitions phases must be understood in terms of a child’s developing mind and his need for the proper and productive stimulation of the senses. That means throughout the parenting process, mothers and fathers must give atten-tion to what expectations are imparted, and equally, how those expectations are imparted.

What will your baby’s waketimes consist of and who should be involved in them? Waketime activities should be a family affair with interactions between Mom, Dad and baby, or just baby alone totally absorbed in a world of discovery. But how do you create a consistent environment of learning and what do you need to understand when it comes to your baby’s waketimes?

DEVELOPMENTAL DEPRIVATIONThe term ‘developmental deprivation’ does not refer to a child’s being deprived of oppor-tunities to learn, but routinely deprived of the best opportunities to learn. To a large extent, a child’s environment determines his

learning patterns. We believe learning depri-vation occurs when parents consider their child’s impetuous and momentary desires to be their prime source of learning. For example, allowing a child to crawl or walk around the house without any guidelines, directions, or restrictions, represents a dubi-ous channel of learning. Learning this way is too often accidental and outside the context of the pretoddler’s developing world.

The nonrestrictive theory of allowing a child to explore unhindered is the idea that learning through trial-and-error in a non-structured environment, (where parents merely act as facilitators of learning rather than teachers of knowledge) is a superior training method. This is not true! Far from it! Trial-and-error, self-exploration is inferior to structured guidance with proactive teaching. Allowing trial-and-error learning to become the primary source of education for a young child, is time-consuming and too often the end results are far from satisfactory. Trial-and-error parenting often creates learning environments that are greater in scope than the intellectual capacities of the child and fosters behavior patterns that will require retraining later.

Even pretoddlers need direction and guidance from their parents. They must learn correct, specific responses for specific situations and then be able to transfer the concept learned to other settings. “Do not

Waketime Activitieso


drop your food” and “Do not touch the ste-reo” are two examples. While the actions are different, the desired response to both is the same—submission to parental instruction and leadership.

If parents reinforce their instruction in the kitchen but not in the living room, the child’s ability to discriminate between what is expected and what is allowed becomes clouded. (More specifics on this aspect of training can be found in the Topic Pool cat-egory: Baby Proofing and Boundaries.)

PLANNED LEARNING OPPORTUNITIESLearning opportunities should be predomi-nantly the result of planning, not chance. The establishment of healthy learning pat-terns is the result of providing the right learning environment, one in which con-trolled stimuli (those factors that normally call for curiosity and investigation) are part of your baby’s day. To achieve this end, plan some structured time into your baby’s wake-time. These opportunities will include:

• structured playtime alone• time with family members, and • free playtime.

Structured Playtime AloneWe maintain that play serves the learning

process. The spontaneous interest of pre-toddlers is not the only influence on their play, since parents will control, to a large extent, the environment in which their child learns. For this reason, both structured and nonstructured learning environments are needed. Structured playtime is a specific time during the day when a child has time to play by himself or herself. It starts in the

early months with something as simple as a blanket placed on the floor/carpet where Mom can see the baby, but the baby can-not see Mom. This is called ‘blanket time’. Blanket Time will eventually be coupled with (but not be replaced by) ‘playpen time’. The next transition to follow is ‘room time’ (18 to 22 months). The principles of room time are the same as for the playpen, but you will be using the child’s room as his play area. We will discuss blanket time and playpen time here and in our next series, ‘Preparation for the Toddler Years’ we take up the purpose and practice of ‘Room time.’

Blanket Time: Sometimes when we look at a baby, it is hard to imagine that a six month old, laying on his tummy on a small blanket with a colorful teething ring is doing much more than passing time. To the contrary, blanket time facilitates learning by providing a secluded environment that allows baby to focus and concentrate apart from distracting sights and sounds in the house.

Introduce blanket time before your baby becomes mobile. With parental persistence and consistency, your baby will learn to stay within the boundaries of the blanket. Although your baby will soon transition to playpen time, there will always be an occa-sion when blanket time will be Mom and baby’s friend.

Where to BeginBlanket time starts as soon as your baby

can hold his head up and manipulate a toy in his hands. This can be as early as four months of age. Start with five to ten min-ute increments once a day and stretch the times to a level tolerated by your baby. The

beauty of a blanket is its mobility. You can place it just about anywhere in the house where it is convenient for Mom and Dad. Even grandparents will find it helpful when baby is over for a visit.

Playpen Time: Technically, you will not tran-sition from blanket time to the playpen. A transition assumes leaving one item or phase of learning and moving to another. While playpen time will become more and more dominant for your child and the greater focus of Mom and Dad’s attention, it does not mean ‘blanket time’ will become obso-lete. Once your baby is characterized by staying on the blanket, it can be used any-where necessary because the blanket trav-els easier than a pack-and-play or playpen. There will always be that occasion when at the Doctor’s office, while visiting a friend, at picnics, even while Mom and Dad are in a meeting, when baby can benefit from some ‘alone’ time rather than ‘lap-time’. You will read about the many playpen advantages in the ‘Topic Pool’ in Visit Four.

Learning Times with Family MembersThere are some obvious activities which take place during waketime that include inter-action with one or more family members. While enjoying your relationship with your pretoddler, it is important to find the right balance between playing with your child and becoming your child’s sole source of enter-tainment.

If you begin to find that your child clings to you, refuses to go to Dad or siblings and cries when you leave the room, it may be the result of too much play time with Mom and not enough time with other family members.

Of course, we would hope that every mom has play time with her child, but never to the point where the child begins to shut out other family members. To help prevent this, keep your activities family-centered. Here are a few suggestions:

Reading: It’s never too early to read to your baby or to show him colorful picture books (especially cardboard or plastic ones that he can explore alone). This is a fun activ-ity for older siblings and certainly one that Dad can participate with. Babies enjoy being read to long before they can understand the words. The continuous flow of sound and the changes in vocal inflections and facial expressions attract a child’s attention. Nestling your child in your lap when you read further enhances this experience.

Bathing: This is another opportunity to have fun interaction with your baby. You can sing to your baby, talk to him, and ask him ques-tions such as, “Where is Matthew’s ear?” or “Where is Matthew’s arm?” or “Where is Matthew’s hand?” and then respond, “Here is Matthew’s ear.”, “Here is Matthew’s arm.” and “Here is Matthew’s hand.” Mom, Dad, and even an older siblings’ voice and atten-tive play helps your baby understand the intimate world of family relationships.

Walking: Taking time for a stroll outside is a great activity for the family. By six months of age, your baby becomes fascinated with the treasure of God’s creation. A regular walk becomes a big adventure for your child, and it is healthy for you too. Touching: A healthy influence on a child’s emotional development is the type of physi-

WAKETIME ACTIVITIES 49


cal touch that comes through play activi-ties, especially during the Babyhood months. Play is an important part of a child’s growth. Touch communicates intimacy and together, touch and play form a winning combina-tion. Lying down on the couch, floor, or bed and blowing kisses, tickling, and physically playing with your baby are necessary com-ponents in the formation of a healthy rela-tionship.

SUMMARYIt is amazing what color combinations are created with a kaleidoscope. Take some tiny pieces of colored glass and a couple of mir-rors placed at fixed angles, add some light, and you can create an assortment of shapes, colors and designs. The patterns are always changing, and that is what makes this a fas-cinating toy. Undoubtedly, you have noticed how quickly your baby is growing and changing, and how much more alert your son or daughter is during waketimes. Babies are cute at every age, but when they begin

to routinely and purposefully interact with you, by way of their smiles, cooing sounds and hand clapping, they are more than cute, they are reflecting the light of their develop-ing world. That means parents should not only be managers of what a child learns but also how their child learns. Coming up in our next two visits we move the clock forward and revisit the three activities of a baby’s day. This time how-ever, from the perspective of a parent with a nine month old living in the home. What makes the later months of the Babyhood Transitions so exciting is the cognitive alert-ness that begins to govern mealtimes and waketimes. Like a kaleidoscope, everything changes again as a nine month old’s capacity for learning moves to a whole new level. This is in-part what makes the second adjustment phase of the Babyhood Transitions so chal-lenging and certainly colorful.

WAKETIME ACTIVITIES 51

Visit Two: Questions For Review

1. What physical characteristics should be present before solid foods are offered to a baby?

2. List and summarize the five food stages. a. b. c. d. e.

3. Why is rice cereal the most common starting food?

4. What are some signs that a baby is satiated and that mealtime is over?

5. Does the introduction of solid foods mean a suspension of breast feeding?


6. Why is it advised to treat fruits like a dessert?

7. When should a parent introduce meats and juices into their baby’s diet?

8. What does ‘developmental deprivation’ mean?

9. What is blanket time?

Visit ThreeThe Second Adjustment Phase

My Noteso

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1.

2.

3.

4.

5._

Visit ThreeSummary (10 to 12 Months)

1. What spurs on mobility in a crawling nine month old? The

emergence of a new function in the brain called curiosity.

2. Mobility plus curiosity will require more parental planning of their

baby’s day.

3. At ten months, babies reach the fifth transitional merge and their

days consist of breakfast, lunch, and dinner and a pre-bed nursing

or bottle feeding.

4. The two reflexes required for self-feeding are the ‘raking’ and

‘pincer’ reflex.

a. The raking reflex begins around six months of age.

b. The pincer reflex is an advanced skill of infancy, usually

acquired around nine or ten months of age.

5. The ability to self feed opens the door to many new training oppor-

tunities.

6. Avoid any foods that can cause choking. Check any questionable

foods by first trying it yourself to see if it dissolves quickly in your

mouth.

7. Check with your baby’s pediatrician for the list of foods to avoid

before a year of age.

8. Highchair challenges will require correction and realignment

which are all part of proactive and purposeful training.

9. The three components of training include instruction, encourage-

ment and correction.

a. The purpose of instruction is to introduce a training expectation.

b. The purpose of encouragement reinforces the value of parental

expectations.

56 THE BABYHOOD TRANSITIONS ~ VISIT THREE

c. The purpose of correction is to restore the child back to the

parent’s expectation.

10. The three levels of vocabulary comprehension include:

a. understanding vocabulary

b. speaking vocabulary

c. reading vocabulary

11. Learning to ‘speak life’ is something Moms and Dads can begin to

incorporate as a habit of speech.

12. Because infants are by nature “me” oriented, saying their name while

giving instruction draws attention to the specific skill or behavior we

are working to accomplish.

13. Babies can learn the meaning of words through signing.

14. Advantages of teaching a baby to sign:

a. It can be used for all aspects of training.

b. Sign Language helps curb whining in older children.

c. Start with the “please” sign around 7 or 8 months and expect

results around 11-12 months.

d. Signing does not delay or hinder a child’s speech development.

15. Speaking words of encouragement and praise are “words fitly spo-

ken”. Proverb 25:11

In Visits One and Two we took up the basic feed-wake-sleep activities of babies between five and eight months of age.

In the next two visits, we’ll start the next leg of our journey, investigating the rapidly changing world that takes shape between nine and twelve months of age. What are the major growth challenges in this second adjustment phase and what should a par-ent expect?

First, the period between nine and twelve months brings about major changes along with a few more challenges. This is in part because parents are not dealing with just a more alert child, but a mobile one as well. What spurs on that mobility? It is the emer-gence of a new function in the developing brain called curiosity! In the case of a mobile nine month old, the child will see an object of interest, whether a morsel of food on his highchair precariously sitting on the edge of his tray, or a shiny knick knack on the book-case; and what he sees he usually wants. Once curious about an item, he is then attracted to it. While this is all part of the natural process of development, it does create some chal-lenges for Mom and Dad. Challenges arise from conflict and conflict is usually the result of your little person wanting something Mom and Dad decided he cannot have.

What should Mom and Dad do in that moment? Or, what boundaries should they set? What precautions should be put in place to maintain the child’s safety? Here’s a fact of early parenting: Whether sitting in a high-

chair or cruising along the furniture, mobil-ity plus curiosity is going to require parental vigilance, along with some proactive planning and forethought as to how baby’s day is struc-tured, and how his time should be managed.

This visit addresses the practical side of planning your baby’s day so that learning can be maximized while being harmonized with safety. We’ll begin our discussion with some newly acquired mealtime skills and then move to the various waketime challenges that can actually be controlled with some proac-tive strategies.

FINGER FOODSThe introduction of finger foods marks a minor, but significant milestone of develop-ment–—the ability to successful manipu-late food with his fingers. This new skill set comes with the gradual improvement of his hand-to-mouth coordination. In fact, a child’s readiness for finger foods signals the first step of self-feeding and self-feeding starts with the combination of a baby’s raking and pincer reflex.

In truth, your child’s raking skills have been around for a while as demonstrated by the five or six month old playing on a blanket, reaching out to a toy and raking it towards himself to investigate. However, it is not until the child is around eight or nine months of age that he acquires the ability to rake fine objects, like bits of cereal and pull those pieces toward himself.

This is when a baby begins to rake his

Finger Foodsand Snacks?

o


highchair finger foods. You will notice your baby using his entire hand and then attempts to grasp a food item with his fingers open-ing and closing around the object. It is the whole hand that goes to the mouth, not simply the index finger and thumb. In these early months, your baby does not possess the coordination to pick up his food with ease or place it in his mouth with precision; but that will come soon.

The pincer reflex is the next skill level, and is usually acquired between nine and ten months of age. This is when the thumb and forefingers begin to work in harmony, allowing a child to pick up small pieces of food and with greater precision and speed, bring them to his mouth. Once this skill begins to emerge, a baby is starting a major babyhood transition, moving from being fed; to self-feeding. Without these basic skills, no person can ever achieve true independence.

The introduction of finger foods opens up a variety of new food options to consider. As a Mom, your first concern is not simply the nutritional value found in the finger foods, but also the health and safety aspect of each food type. That is why keeping finger foods simple is keeping your baby safe and avoid-ing foods that can create a choking hazard is a health and safety priority for parents.

Even though most nine month old chil-dren have some teeth, it is important that the texture of his finger foods be soft enough to be ‘gummed’ instead of chewed. If you ques-tion the safety of a particular food, try placing it in your mouth. Does it dissolve, melt, or break-up into small pieces without chewing it? If it answer is ‘no’, then wait until your baby is at least a year old before offering it again.

There are a variety of easy to handle and

fun finger foods for a nine month old, includ-ing small pieces of cut-up banana, simple cereals like puff rice, and some wafer-type crackers. Eventually, Mom can add well-cooked peas and green beans cut in very small pieces and small bites of cooked potato. Baby food manufacturers also offer a variety of finger food assortments for Stages Three and Four, and your baby’s pediatrician should have a recommended list of age-appropriate foods to offer.

Of course there will always be some table foods that are ‘off limits’ until your baby is at least a year old or older. We touched on a few of these in our last visit, but here is a list some more items to keep track of.

•No egg whites before your baby’s first birthday

•No nuts or peanut butter

•No uncooked vegetables like peas

•No raw celery or carrots,

•No whole grapes or cherry tomatoes.

•No raw berries such as raspberries or blackberries unless you want to take the time to cut them into tiny pieces. (Or any foods that present the possibility of choking.)

There is one cause and effect to be aware of when it comes to the ingestion of solid foods. The consistency of a baby’s stools do change. The normally become firmer and change color. Normally, a change in color does not necessarily indicate a problem, but may reflect the type of food taken in. Beets will turn stools red and peas will turn them green. Unfortunately, for those doing dia-per changes, the strong, unpleasant odor of digested foods will become commonplace for the next year or more.

Sending a Mixed Message?As adults, we often don’t think about the

conflicting messages that can accompany the introduction of finger foods as it relates to ‘who is in control’? Of course Mom and Dad are when offering food on a spoon, but baby is asked to be in control once finger foods are introduced. Is this a mixed message? From a ten month old’s perspective, it might be! One moment Mom is saying, “here is your finger food, use your fingers,” and the next moment she is saying, “put your hands on the side of the tray. Don’t touch your food.”

How can a parent resolve the tension between what appears to be two conflicting messages being sent at the same time? One way is for Mom to serve the spoon items first (vegetables and fruits), and only after that, offer the finger foods. In this case, the time between each item served provides the boundary separating what the child can and cannot touch. A second option has Mom managing what is being served. Using a small dish with compartments, she can serve the puree foods from one side, and when ready, turn the dish around to offer the finger foods. Mom managing the dish may seem insignifi-cant but it is actually a physical boundary that a baby will learn to respect. Keep in mind, concepts learned during mealtime are trans-ferred to other activities during the day.

SNACKSSnacks are a fun treat for your Stage Four and Five child (12 to 15 months of age) but they should not become a substitute meal. Offering too many snacks at the wrong times only encourages poor eating habits and sets the stage for a picky eater, according to most veteran moms. If you see this happening with your baby, or soon to be pretoddler,

cut back on the snacks. Here are a few help-ful hints about snacking:

1. Snacks are not needed everyday

2. Moderation is key; do not let snacks detract from a hearty appetite

3. Do not use food to avoid conflict

4. Avoid using food as a pacifier

5. The place for snacking should be con-sistent such as in the highchair.

6. Avoid allowing your child to crawl or walk around the house with a juice drink or snack in his hand

7. As a general suggestion, offer snacks in the afternoon, when baby wakes from his nap.

THE PICKY EATERLike all people, your baby will show prefer-ences in taste. While you will occasionally offer your baby the foods he enjoys, there will come a time when he must learn to eat what the rest of the family enjoys. This should be a natural food transition as your baby moves from commercial baby food to table food.

When it comes to food and fussiness, fin-icky eaters are often created by parental fears and dislikes rather than any genetic predis-position on the child’s part. As a mother or father, you might have to evaluate your own relationship with food. Are you overly concerned with nutritional intake, a picky eater yourself, or a junk-food connoisseur? As hard as it may be, try not to pass on any anxious preoccupation with food or poor nutritional habits to your children.

Just as it is when introducing solids, if you experience any strong resistance toward

FINGER FOODS AND SNACKS 59


a particular taste or texture, stop and wait a few weeks, then try again. Pretoddlers usually acquire a taste for the foods they previously rejected just a few weeks earlier. Persistence does pay off and your baby will be less likely to become a picky/finicky eater as a result.

Finally, try to make mealtime a pleasant experience for all. Some of the most won-derful memories of life come from the times shared as a family around the dinner table. While we place books, computers, plants and newspapers on our kitchen table, the most important use comes when family members congregate at mealtime. Here are some age-appropriate suggestions to make mealtime a joyful family time.

For children under six months: When pos-sible, place your baby in his infant seat near the dinner table. Being able to see and hear the family interacting is important to the estab-lishment of early family connection. When it is just Mom or Dad, get into the habit of talking with your baby during mealtime. While there might be some occasions when mealtime for your baby will be playpen time, more than not, try to keep him at the table with the family.

Six to twelve months (or until self-feeding): At this age, your baby may actually eat his main meal before the rest of the family sits down. Then, while the family enjoys their meal together, the baby can sit in his highchair with a toy or finger foods, if age appropriate. Now everyone is participating at dinner time.

Twelve months of age and up: To keep evening mealtimes pleasant, put more concentrated effort into working on highchair challenges during the other mealtimes, such as breakfast

and lunch. This does not mean you will not correct during dinner, but the extra effort put into training at the other meals will help speed up the process of learning and achieving mealtime harmony when everyone is sitting together.

WEANING YOUR BABYWeaning, by today’s definition, is the process by which parents offer food supplements in place of, or in addition to, mother’s milk. This process begins the moment you give your baby formula or when he first tastes cereal. From that moment on, weaning is a gradual process.

From the BreastThe duration of breastfeeding varies

depending on Mom and baby’s mutual desires and needs. While there are many opinions, no one can say for sure what age is ideal for your unique situation. For some it may be six months, for others a year or more. (A year is a very achievable goal.) Breastfeeding for more than a year is a matter of preference since adequate supplementary food is usu-ally available. During biblical times, weaning took place between eighteen and twenty-four months; three years was more the exception than the rule.

At birth, infants depend totally on their caregiver to meet their physical needs, but they gradually become more independent by taking ‘baby steps’. One such step for your baby is the ability to feed himself. You can begin by eliminating one nursing period at a time, waiting three to four days before drop-ping the next one. This time-frame allows the mother’s body to make the proper adjustment in her milk production.

The late afternoon feeding is usually the

easiest to drop since it is a busy time of the day. Replace each feeding with six to eight ounces of formula or milk (depending on the child’s age). Pediatricians generally recom-mend that parents not give their baby cow’s milk until they are at least one year old. If your baby is nine months or older, consider going straight to a sippy cup rather than to a bottle. This transition will be easiest if you have introduced the cup prior to weaning.

Stay mindful that once your baby moves into the pretoddler phase, he requires at least one-thousand calories a day for nor-mal growth. He should derive some of these calories from 16 to 24 ounces of whole milk. (Low-fat milk should not be offered to a child under two years of age.)

From the BottleBy the time your baby is a year old, you

can begin to wean him from the bottle. Although infants can become very attached to the bottle, you can minimize this problem by not allowing your baby to hold it for extended

periods of time. There is a difference between playing with the bottle and drinking from it. Because you have hopefully introduced the sippy cup months earlier, the transition from the bottle will be much easier. Begin by elimi-nating the bottle at one meal, substituting the cup. Then another meal, and another until the transition is completed. This may take anywhere from two weeks to a month. The timetable for this transition is set by Mom and Dad, not the baby.

We will close this section with a reminder. The more established a child’s diet and eating routines are, based on parental direction and not the free will of the child, the smoother the process will go. Introducing solids to your baby’s diet is part of the natural pro-cess of growth and development. Even with the introduction of solid foods, stay mindful of proactively training your child, to avoid retraining later – begin as you mean to go.

FINGER FOODS AND SNACKS 61

During the first two years of life, a child has very little understanding of what his basic needs are, or how well Mom

and Dad are actually meeting those needs. This is not so bad for the child since he does not have to assume responsibility for seeing that his life runs smoothly. His parents however, are responsible, not just for the moment to moment care but for the influence they bring to bear on future behavior. For as it is with every genera-tion, parents are society’s representative and are expected to bring their little ones into some type of behavioral conformity. The four perti-nent questions emerging from this preliminary statement to consider include the When, How, What and Why of Training.

• When refers to training that is age appropriate: (When will I train?)

• How speaks to the process of early train-ing: (How will I train?)

• What speaks to the priorities of train-ing: (What will I train?)

• Why provides the greater purpose of training: (Why will I train?)

Once a baby crosses the threshold of nine months of age, his training environ-ment becomes more visible and purposeful. This is in part due to his ability to adapt his behavior to a wide range of expectations that are now suitable for his age. Take the highchair for example. When you add them up, your baby spends many hours a week in the highchair. Take advantage of these times

by making them opportunities for learning, realizing that he has a growing capacity to transfer basic concepts from the highchair to the living room. Unfortunately, parents too often separate individual acts of behavior, when in fact, they are connected.

For example, the instructions “Do not drop your food” and “Do not touch the ste-reo” differ only in the nature of the activity, not in the level of parental expectation or the child’s ability to comply. The variable is the place or manner of the offense, but the constant is the level of expectation. The “no” of the highchair should be the same as the “no” of the living room. Although the settings and activities vary, parents should act as the constant influence, bringing to each situa-tion the consistency necessary for orderly development and growth. This comes with purposeful training.

Speaking of TrainingWe know that when the raking and pincer

reflexes are operational, self-feeding begins to take over mealtime. Now think about where this leads. Once a child can feed himself, then simultaneously appearing on the horizon, are new challenges, involving those same little fingers, attached to little hands, that come and go with the aid of two little feet. This puts the entire house in play and Mom and Dad will need to initiate some proactive measures, supported by the three basic components of training; instruction, encouragement and cor-rection.

Babyhood Training and More

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‘Instruction’ parents can handle; ‘encour-agement’ they appreciate, but wait: correction? We can understand how a parent of a nine month old might find a conversation about ‘correction’ slightly premature and outside the context of their present circumstances. Nevertheless, in truth this is the time to start thinking about it, because of the integral role correction plays in training.

During the babyhood and pretoddler phase, behaviors needing correction are wrong functionally, but not morally. By that we mean young children need correction for inappropriate and unsafe actions; but at these tender ages you are not dealing with a ‘heart issue’, at least not yet. That is because infants and pretoddlers do not think or act in terms of right and wrong but in terms of “me, myself and I”.

There is truth in the proverb that God loves your child just the way he is; yet, at the same time, God loves your child too much to leave him that way. That is where parental training comes into play. The word ‘train’ means: initiate, set patterns, or cause one to learn. The goal of pretoddler training is not to prevent a child from exploring life, but to provide reasonable guidance in the process. Part of the guidance includes cor-recting wrong patterns and encouraging the right ones. If a parent neglects or under esti-mates the need for proactive and corrective measures during these highly impressionable babyhood months, over time the child is the one who is forced to enter early childhood with behavioral deficits. Playing catch-up is always more difficult than keeping pace.

However, the process of training during the babyhood months is a balancing act. Like a three legged stool, it can only stand firm as long as each leg stays intact and sits even

with the other two. But how does a parent achieve the right balance? They do so with an understanding of the three basic components of training: instruction, encouragement and cor-rection. Each component is connected and serves a strategic purpose. Parents:

•instruct to introduce a training expecta-tion;

•encourage to reinforce the value of paren-tal expectations;

•correct to restore their child back to parental expectations.

PRETODDLER INSTRUCTION: WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE?Training is not something a Prep Parent is just beginning to initiate into their baby’s life. In the early days, training helped to synchronize their baby’s day and nighttime feeding and sleep cycles, bringing about the advance modes of learning adeptness that led to other training opportunities, including blanket time and playpen time. However, training during the latter portions of the first year involves an intangible force that is very purposeful. It is something within the child that should neither be broken nor controlled, but only influenced. This is the emerging power of your child’s self-will. As awareness of his ‘power’ grows it becomes a wild card in the training process. Will the child comply, ignore, or fight Mom and Dad’s training effort? Regardless, train you must, and it starts with instruction.

When directing your child make sure your instruction matches the child’s readi-ness to understand, (or at least a readiness to begin absorbing impressions that your instructions represent), and his readiness to comply. For example, a Mom might instruct

BABYHOOD TRAINING AND MORE 63


her three year old to return to the playroom and put her puzzle away. At this age the child is capable of understanding the basic mean-ing of Mom’s instruction. Equally, she is old enough to comply with them. But these same instructions would be too lofty for a twelve month old to achieve.

‘Understanding’ is the key thought here. How effective can training be if understand-ing is limited? What can a ten to twelve month old truly understand when it comes to instruction, encouragement and correc-tion? Let’s take a short detour here.

The Three Levels of Vocabulary LearningYou may wonder how much of your

instruction your baby can comprehend or understand. The answer? Probably more than you think. Your child is really begin-ning to blossom with understanding in the later months of his first year. Let’s look at the three phases of vocabulary comprehension and mastery.

Level One: Understanding Vocabulary: The first level represents word meaning recognition. A baby understands the meaning of words long before he or she can verbalize them. An eight month old for example, will wave “bye-bye” or play “patty cake” when encour-aged to do so. By twelve months of age, a child has an enormous understanding of vocabulary and demonstrates this by his or her responses to instructions such as “Come to Mama”, “Sit down”, “Blow kisses”, “Hug your baby doll”, “See the plane”, “Touch the kitty”, “Wave bye-bye”, and so on. Your child is responding with understanding, but not necessarily with the spoken word.

Level Two: Speaking Vocabulary: Speaking

vocabulary is the second level of achievement and usually develops around twelve months when your baby will begin to babble to a toy or sibling. Though you may not understand it, this babbling means something to your child. These are word-thoughts coming out in scrambled speech representing your baby’s attempt to communicate with language.

Level Three: Reading Vocabulary: Reading vocabulary is the third level of achievement and starts after age three, or when a child begins to recognize and form letters. (For an expanded explanation of language develop-ment, see Appendix A.)

The three levels of understanding under-score a baby’s readiness to learn and retain. Babies are born to learn, and that is why as a parent you can teach what is expected through instruction. For example, as previ-ously introduced, you can train your baby where to place his hands during mealtime. Taking and placing them either on the side of the highchair tray or underneath the tray on baby’s lap while verbally instructing him with: “Put your hands on the side of the tray” is a good habit to get into. Instruct him while actually taking his hands and placing them where you want them.

Concrete examples, along with verbal instruction will move your little person in the direction you wish him to go. The benefits of this type of training go far beyond your child knowing where to place his hands on the highchair at mealtime. Your pretoddler is actually learning to follow instructions. This is a big deal and a milestone in and of itself. Be patient with the process, but above all else, be proactive. Your baby understands more than you think.

LEARN TO SPEAK LIFEThink about how influential people in your life, past or present, speak, communicate and use their words. Is their language pro-life? We so often hear the phrase ‘pro-life’ in the social-cultural context of the unborn child. But being ‘pro-life’ in our commu-nity of families has always carried a broader meaning. To be pro-life is a worldview that translates into a lifestyle, and how we con-duct ourselves verbally is part of that life-style. What is your speech characterized by: speaking ‘words of life’ to your children or ‘words of death’? If you record your fam-ily conversations, what would the playback sound like? Would the listener hear words that build up and edify, or words that dis-courage or even tear down? Does your speech focus more on what your child is doing wrong and what he should not do, rather than focus on what he is doing right and what he should be doing?

Recently, Anne Marie worked with a first-time mom who was in the midst of some highchair screaming issues with a twelve month old. Apparently, the mother was not serving little Emily her food fast enough. As a result, Mom would respond (with her raised voice), saying things such as “stop scream-ing”, or “no screaming”, or “settle down”. After all, that was the end behavior she was hoping for. Even so, what she really needed to strive for was to have Emily speak softly and be patient for a few seconds while Mom prepared her food.

The mom was encouraged to speak the virtuous behavior she wanted to see rather than emphasizing the wrong behavior that Emily was demonstrating. Something as simple and repetitious as: “Be patient Emily,

Mommy is coming,” was all that was needed. Once she began to speak life to Emily, by elevating the virtue rather than trying to suppress the wrong behavior, Emily actually learned to gain the self-control necessary not to scream. Emily learned a new way of com-municating, and Mom learned a new habit of speech.

When a child’s wrong behavior becomes the focus of parental attention, then the right behavior they hope to instill often doesn’t receive the appropriate attention. Over time children learn to avoid what not to do, rather than learn what they should do. It all comes back to learning how to speak life to our chil-dren, even during times of correction.

SPEAKING TO YOUR BABY BY NAMEIn the instructing and correcting process, parents tend to direct their baby with spe-cific statements. “Place your hands on the side of the highchair,” or “Keep your food on your tray,” are two examples. Can par-ents improve on these instructions? We believe they can and should. Preempt your instructions with your child’s name, saying “Matthew, place your hands on the side of the highchair,” or “Matthew, keep your food on the tray.” It is because a baby is ‘me’ ori-ented by nature, that saying his name, while giving the instruction draws attention to the specific task you’re looking to accomplish.

Think about it. When we point out a fun object, we almost naturally begin with his name. “Matthew, look at the balloon.” “Look Matthew, a butterfly.” We do this because we want him to focus specifically on the object. There is something in the child’s name that helps draw attention to your voice. The same principle works when giving instruc-tions. Yet, even this simple suggestion will



change in less than a year’s time as Matthew approaches his second birthday. With a two year old you call the child’s name and then pause. Here Mom is looking for an acknowl-edgement, which might be a nod of the head, or better yet, a verbal “Yes Mommy”. After the child acknowledges his name, Mom proceeds with her instructions.

For example, Mom might call, “Matthew” and he responds: “Yes Mommy,” followed by Mom saying: “Let’s start picking up your toys please, and put them in your box.” In early parenting you will want to establish in Matthew’s mind your right to be the authority in his life. The instructions you give are sec-ondary to Matthew’s willingness to respond to your voice seeking his attention. Achieve the first, and you usually end up having your instructions followed with far less resistance, if any at all.

A WORD FITLY SPOKENEncouragement, as we previously noted, reinforces the value and worth of parental instruction. What does encouragement look like to a ten or twelve month old? Proverbs 25:11 opens with this phrase: “A word fitly spoken. . .” There is something inspiring about the timing of those words. Try to think of encouragement as words ‘fitly spoken’ into the lives of children. Encouragement serves to confirm a behavior and inspire the continuation of that behavior. Who doesn’t enjoy a pat on the back or hearing, “Well done,” from someone of influence? Our chil-dren are no different. They are encouraged when justified praise comes their way. For the ten month old, encouragement takes on the form of praise with enthusiasm. They love to hear Mom and Dad or siblings get excited over something they did positively

and, in many cases, because of what they did not do.

In the encouragement section of the DVD presentation, we pointed to a book-case that had three shelves. The bottom shelf was designated for ten month old Micah. The upper two shelves had books and DVDs belonging to his siblings. Micah knows these shelves are off limits to his hands, so when his parents observe his amazing restraint, even at ten months of age, they encourage him with an enthusiastic “Good boy Micah.”

What Micah is tuning into is not the words but the enthusiastic ‘tone’ of the words. That enthusiasm is translated into praise, which serves to encourage. When he is ready to touch something in the living room, he hears a different tone: “M-i-cah”. Here the tone is a warning sending a clear message. As he moves away, he then hears an enthusiastic, “Good boy Micah, you obeyed Mommy.”

True encouragement motivates right behavior; do not underestimate the power of it. If we are not verbalizing our encour-agement to our children or spouse, we are still sending a message, but what kind of message? Verbal affirmation combined with physical touch, is an unbeatable combi-nation and is highly effective. It can be as simple as scooping up your little one and giving a big hug and saying, “Good job,” or “You were so helpful to Mom.”)

TEACHING YOUR BABY TO SIGNAnother proactive strategy very popular within the Babyhood Transitions community of families is teaching basic sign language. This is a wonderful way to bridge the season of your baby’s life between vocabulary com-prehension and the spoken word. So often,

a one year old sitting in a highchair will become frustrated and begin to scream for what he wants. While screaming is a form of communication, there is a better alternative.

A moment ago, we noted how a child’s verbal comprehension precedes his or her speaking vocabulary. To help facilitate your child’s acquisition of verbal skills, start by teaching your six to nine month old a few words in sign language. It is never too early to emphasize “please” and “thank you”. Over time you can effectively teach the follow-ing phrases: “please”, “thank you”, “more”, “all done”, and “stop”, but it all starts with “please”. (Sample signs are found at the end of this section.)

Why start with “please? Because “please” is one of the first acts of voluntary submission a child will give to his parents’ leadership. It becomes the first courtesy and virtue that makes sense to the child and will motivate him to do other courtesies. During meal-time for your six or seven month old, take his hand through the motions of signing, “please” while saying “Let’s do please”. Each time you take his little hand across his chest you are imprinting a basic courtesy that will become part of his life. Be consistent. Like all investments, the return on your training will come eventually. Depending on the child, it can take a few days or a few months. But, one day it will happen! Your baby will see some item he wants, look at your and then his little hand will begin to sign “please” knowing this action brings him rewards. Gradually, you can introduce “more” and “thank you” and expand from there.

Once your child reaches a year, and you sense he understands how to sign but refuses to do so, use natural consequences to rein-

force the correct response. For example, if he wants a toy but refuses to sign “please”, withhold the toy. If it is a cookie, withhold the cookie. However, try not to get into a power struggle over food at mealtimes. You should not withhold primary meals because your baby doesn’t sign.

Here are some more reasons to teach basic sign language to your baby:

•You are teaching and reinforcing habits of

self-control.

•Signingeliminateswrongcommunication

methods by providing right modes of

expression.

•Signingaidsdiscretionarycorrectioninthe

future. There will be times when you can-

not easily correct your child publicly or

verbally. The silence of signing, together

with Mom’s facial expression, communi-

cates the same intent as verbal correction.

•Youareactuallyteachingyourchildasec-

ond language during a time in the child’s

life when he or she is most receptive to

language formation.

Will My Baby Understand?Do not be surprised if one day, you take

your son or daughter’s hand and feel resis-tance as you try to move through the motion. This actually means the child understands what you are requiring. One mother shared her story describing how surprised she felt when her seven month old daughter openly resisted Mom’s attempts to teach her the “please” sign. She wrote:

“I was surprised when she resisted and actu-



ally tried to fight me. I realized this was one of the first battles that as a mother, I must win. I stayed with it, and in two week’s time, my daughter was willingly and happily signing ‘please’ when she wanted something. Even more amazing was the lesson I learned; my child’s surrender gave way to her own happiness. Now that she is twenty months old,” the mother continued, “she signs ‘please’, ‘thank you’, ‘more’, ‘all done’, ‘mommy’, ‘daddy’, and ‘I love you’. All of this is addition to her developing verbal skills.”

This child’s ability to communicate amazed both her parents and other people who came into contact with her. This is not however, just a momentary achievement. The benefits of early sign-training also pays dividends in the future. Three year old Eric, visiting the Ezzos, received a Valentine’s Day treat from his host. The red foil wrapping paper immediately attracted Eric’s attention. His Mom, standing behind the giver of the Valentine’s Day chocolate, caught Eric’s eye and discretely signed “thank you” to him. He in turn looked up at Mrs. Ezzo, and with a big grin said, “Thank you Mrs. Ezzo.” This type of discretionary signing is far superior to the constant verbal reminder parents nor-mally give, such as, “Eric, what do you say to Mrs. Ezzo?”

Like all new skills, the process of learning takes time, so please be patient. Your consis-tent effort and encouragement will pay big dividends. Start with the basics (the first four examples) and then gradually expand your child’s signing vocabulary. Have fun!

Coming up NextComing up in our next visit is the timely

discussion of the third leg of the training stool; the meaning, purpose and role of cor-rection. There are only a few things at these ages that can help a child understand the cause and effect relationship between behav-ior and Mom and Dad’s correction. What will you do when your child begins to drop food from his tray, or decides today he will feed himself his pureed food, or starts to drop his cup from his highchair, or begins touching items you have deemed unsafe and off lim-its? We will take up the how, when and why of correction in our next visit and find out what happens when your little one decides the food on the highchair tray is more fun when it is falling on the floor.


THANK YOUPlace tips of the hand (fingers together) against the mouth and throw hand forward, similar to blowing a kiss.

ALL DONEPut hands in front of you with fingers spread apart turn hands back and forth.

PLEASEPlace right hand over heart and with a half circle pull back toward right arm.

MOREUse both hands, bring finger tips together and tap twice.


DRINKPlace your hand in the shape of a “C” in front of mouth, thumb resting on chin, and bring hands up as if pouring a drink into the mouth.

EATAll fingertips resting on thumb, bring hand toward mouth a couple of times.

THIRSTYSlide tip of the index finger down front of neck.

HUNGRYWith hand in the shape of a “C” place it just below the throat, palm facing in, and bring it down.


MOMMYWith fingers spread apart, thumb touches middle of chin.

DADDYWith fingers spread apart, thumb touches middle of forehead.

YESWith hand in a fist, “nod” it back and forth. (Similar to nodding your head.)

NOBring index finger and middle finger together to rest on thumb in one “snapping” motion.


Visit Three: Questions For Review

1. Finger foods and self-feeding begin with the combination of two reflexes. What are they and what purpose do they serve?

2. The following statement is related to training. Explain what it means. “Do not drop your food” and “Do not touch the stereo” differ only in the nature of the activity, not in the level of parental expectation.

3. Define the purpose of:

a. Instruction

b. Encouragement

c. Correction

4. What does “speaking life” mean?

5. At what age should a parent introduce sign language and what is the first sign to introduce?

6. What does signing help to eliminate?

Visit FourWaketime & Naptime Transitions

My Noteso

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1.

2.

3.

4.

5._

Visit FourSummary (10 to 12 Months)

1. Correction means to realign or bring back from error. While encouragement keeps at child on track, correction puts a child back on track.

2. Correction is something you do for a child, not to a child.

3. The four methods of correction include:

a. Verbal correction

b. An attention getting hand squeeze

c. Loss of privilege or toy

d. Isolation

4. Learning is a lifelong process, and healthy learning environments are created by parents.

5. Playpen benefits:

a. provides a safe environment

b. doubles as a portable bed

c. serves as a structured learning center encouraging the basic

skills of sitting, focusing and concentrating

d. promotes and reinforces the development of a longer attention spans

6. Start with short increments of playpen time and gradually increase playpen time.

7. Playpen basics:

a. use at approximately the same time each day

b. use is when your child is alert

c. do not clutter with too many toys

d. keep toys age-appropriate

e. keep playpen time age-appropriate

8. Blanket time and playpen time are not the same thing.

9. Learn when and how to allow your child to surrender with dignity.

76 THE BABYHOOD TRANSITIONS ~ VISIT FOUR

10. Beware of programs marketed to make your baby smarter or read sooner. What seems to be a promising future is usually only a momentary gain that is off-set by much greater losses.

11. The use of a timer is very beneficial when first starting playpen train-ing. It is better that a child associates the end of his playpen time with the timer’s ring than with any persistent crying.

12. All children have a love/hate relationship with boundaries. They hate boundaries simply because they are there, yet they love them because of the security they provide.

We know whenever there is improper, or inadequate training during the Babyhood Transitions

phase, it can impact or sabotage future emo-tional and cognitive growth. That is because a ten month old cannot tolerate the toggling back and forth between a behavioral stan-dard being enforced one day and not the next, or in one room and not another. This is also why establishing the right patterns of behavior in these early months is so impor-tant—it facilitates a child’s understanding of parental expectations, and establishes a way of life that is safe for baby.

In Visit Three we introduced the three components of training; instruction, encour-agement and correction. Having worked through the general principles of instruction and encouragement, we now turn our atten-tion to the practical application and meaning of correction. We previously defined correc-tion as a means to realign or bring back from error. While encouragement keeps a child on track, correction helps put the child back on track when his little hands or feet wander off to places they shouldn’t be. Think of correc-tion as something parents do for their child, not to their child. It is an investment that pays future dividends.

Correction or Punishment?You might be wrestling with the entire

notion that a ten month old needs correc-tion. After all, what malicious misdeed could a child at this tender age possibly do? If you

are struggling with this, it might be because you are equating ‘correction’ with ‘punish-ment’; and that would be wrong. If we were to draw a flow chart diagraming the com-ponents of correction it could look like this:

CORRECTION

Consequences Punishment

Consequences and punishment are inde-pendent subcategories of correction. Unfortunately, the two terms are commonly and improperly interchanged as if they serve the same purpose. They don’t and this often leads to their misapplication. The purpose of punishment in childhood is to set a value on wrong behavior, but it is not an appli-cable function of training until the child is old enough to comprehend the meaning of right and wrong. That capacity does not begin to show itself until the formation of the conscience, which emerges around three years of age. That means there is no reason for a baby, pretoddler or even a toddler to ‘technically’ be punished—but rest assured, there will be plenty of times during the day that the same child will need some level of correction.

Most correction initiated at these tender ages falls into the non-punishment category. Your crawling ten month-old is curious about a knick-knack on the bookcase or just how long the plant vine can stretch before

Pretoddler CorrectionWhat Does it Look Like?

o


breaking, where those stairs lead, or how much food he can drop on the floor before Mom notices. His action may be wrong prac-tically but not wrong morally; meaning your baby is not maliciously planning or calcu-lating to do harm or cause Mom to begin graying prematurely.

Think of it this way. Pretoddlers and tod-dlers do unwise things. Parents correct to help them learn a wise way of life, one that is not continually filled with the consequences of unwise decisions. In time there will be plenty of heart issue challenges to work through, but during The Babyhood Transitions phase, the battles are not over right and wrong as much as health and safety and mat-ters pertaining to stewardship. Nonetheless, parents still need to correct wrong patterns and encourage right patterns. And when will all of this happen? During waketime, which includes mealtimes and playtimes.

HIGH CHAIR CHALLENGESWaketime challenges will come throughout the day and many of them will show up while your little one is sitting in his high-chair. Consider the following highchair chal-lenges as opportunities for training. While the offenses listed below differ in action (although they are related), the methods of correction for each offense are often the same at these ages. Included in the group of com-mon highchair violations are:

• flippingtheplate• droppingandthrowingfood• playingwithfood• placingmessyhandsinhishair• bangingonthetray• standinginthehighchair• archinghisback

• spitting‘raspberries’• screaming

These behaviors share two things in common: they come during mealtime and they happen when the child is sitting in the highchair. Since eliminating mealtime is not an option, you will have to work on eliminating the highchair challenges. Let’s consider two of them—flipping the plate and the intentional dropping of food from the highchair.

Train - Do Not Retrain Parents should place finger foods either directly on the highchair tray or on a plate. When finger foods are on a plate, one com-mon and curious temptation all babies attempt one time or another is to pick up their plate and flip it. That might work out well for the dog but not for Mom.

We know that sometimes food is acci-dentally dropped. When that happens, guid-ance, not correction, is called for. But what about the intentional dropping or throwing of food from the highchair? These actions need correction. Some parents go to extremes to avoid conflict, rather than taking the time to train in the moment. Unfortunately, these moms carry a false hope that the problem will eventually go away. The only thing that goes away is the specific action; the attitude that led to the action only becomes more empowered.

Whether it is with a pretoddler or a pre-schooler, this is known as “credit card par-enting”. You will pay the training price in the future, but with compound interest. This takes us back to our fundamental motto: train, do not retrain. Try to spend more time encouraging right behavior thereby spend-

ing less time correcting unwanted behaviors. If you allow the child to play with the

plate even though he or she doesn’t spill the food, you have granted your child an unnecessary freedom. This freedom will only nudge him or her closer to wrong behavior and away from right behavior. There is no developmental advantage to be gained by allowing your child to play with his plate.

Keep in mind the benefits of timely train-ing. The self-control learned in the high-chair is the same self-control needed for life outside of the kitchen and for guiding the child later in life. When working to correct a new (but wrong) behavior, a bad habit, or better yet, to prevent one from starting, remember that correction is always consis-tent. Consistency aids the learning process, especially during the pretoddler stage.

Fixes for the Food FlopperWhat steps should a parent take to dis-

courage unwanted highchair or living room challenges? There are four age appropriate corrective options to consider.

1. Verbal Correction: Direct your little one with your voice, speaking firmly but not harshly. Sometimes an elevated voice tone will be necessary to get your child’s immedi-ate attention but realize a ‘voice of urgency’ is not the same as the ‘voice of harshness’. You might also accompany your verbal correc-tion with your hand or finger directed to the area of violation. For example, if your little one is intentionally dropping food from the highchair, take his little hand while saying “Matthew, no! Do not drop your food.” If Matthew is blowing bubbles with his food, (commonly referred to as blowing ‘raspber-ries’), place your finger over his mouth with

some slight pressure and instruct with a firm “Matthew, no! Keep your food in your mouth.” The same will be true if Matthew’s little hands are about to touch something in the living room that you deemed off limits.

2. A light to moderate squeeze to the hand: Parents find this second method very effec-tive because discomfort, even a mild form, can get our attention faster than anything else. Applying moderate discomfort as a method of correction to a mobile child whose hands are touching things they shouldn’t be is not used as a punishment, but as an atten-tion-getting device. The operative phrase is “attention-getting”. Your intent is not to cause pain for the purpose of punishment but rather give a slight discomfort to get the child’s attention so you can train him to your level of mealtime expectation.

Using a slight squeeze for the express purpose of calling attention to a limitation will not leave your child psychologically damaged, affect the child’s self-esteem, train the child to hit other children, teach the child violence, or cause the child in adult-hood to abuse his own children. But it will instill a healthy sense of self-restriction.

3. Loss of a privilege or toy: Taking away a privilege or toy, or end mealtime is a logical or natural consequence that also works effec-tively. The purpose of logical consequences is to reinforce your verbal instructions. For example, in Visit Three we encouraged the introduction of basic sign language training between seven and eight months. Let’s say he is now thirteen months of age and fully understands what ‘please’ means and what Mom expects. He points to something he wants but refuses to sign ‘please’. With hold-

PRETODDLER CORRECTION WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE? 79


ing the item until he signs ‘please’ is not only a natural consequence of a decision in his control, but a strong motivator to submit to the value his Mom is insisting on. Natural consequences become more meaningful as the child grows older.

4. Isolation in the crib or playpen: Isolation removes the child from an act or place of conflict. If it is a highchair challenge, a par-ent might move the highchair around the corner, (where baby cannot see you but you can see him), or it might mean a trip to his crib. In either case, your little person will probably fuss some, but all the time making a connection between his action (or inac-tion) and your instructions. After some isola-tion you might try bringing him back to the highchair and see if the lesson was learned. If it was, encourage with words of praise, if not, tomorrow will bring other training opportunities.

As a parent you might wonder if using the crib for sleep and the place of isolation could cause some confusion for a ten month old. No worries, it doesn’t. At these ages,

even babies can distinguish the difference between a time of correction and a time for sleep.

Note: Spanking, as traditionally practiced in our society, is not an acceptable form of correction during the pretoddler phase of development. If you intend to introduce this form of correction into the life of your child, it will come at a much later age. For now, it’s enough to say that the use of verbal correction, isolation, loss of privilege, and squeezing the hand are appropriate forms of discipline during the second half of the Babyhood Transitions phase.

SummaryWhether it is a mealtime or living room

challenge, one thing is for certain: immediate and consistent consequences speed up the learning process. In the past, educators were concerned with parents who pushed their children too fast. Today, we are concerned with parents who don’t push their children fast enough when it comes to basic life skills, even in the highchair.

A s stated in Preparation for Parenting, where there is an ability there is a natural capacity. Your baby has

already demonstrated both the natural capacity and ability to sleep through the night, which is an acquired skill resulting from training. This chapter focuses on sleep-related activities and the various sleep tran-sitions. This section will answer the most common nap and nighttime sleep questions related to this stage of growth.

THE SLEEP TRANSITIONSStable sleep patterns are based on stable hunger patterns. When there are a number of disruptions in your baby’s eating or wake-time patterns, there will be corresponding changes in his sleep patterns. Stay on top of this by being as consistent as possible with mealtimes and naptimes. Sleep is an impor-tant part of a baby’s life, and it will continue to be so throughout the toddler years.

Dropping the Late Afternoon Nap For optimal development, children need daytime rest. For the Prep Mom the proce-dure is fairly simple. When naptime comes, baby goes down. Not much will change over the next twelve months. At five months of age, the average Prep Baby takes two, 1½ to 2 hour naps and an additional “catnap” in the late afternoon. Between six and eight months of age, his sleep needs decrease, as his waketime increases. This is especially noticeable in babies who sleep ten to twelve hours at night. The “sleep-center” in a baby’s

brain will begin to send an ‘awake signal’ if there is too much sleep in a 24 hour period. That is when you know your baby is ready to drop his afternoon catnap. Here are the three common signs:

1. Your baby begins waking in the middle of the night.

2. Your baby is waking very early in the morning.

3. Your baby is routinely waking early dur-ing one or both daytime naps, possibly sleeping only 45 minutes.

Be cautious. The signs above are not exclusively associated with nap transitions. Other factors may mirror these symptoms, including hunger, sickness or possibly teething. All possibilities must be consid-ered before acting on any single factor. If it is sleep related, drop the catnap first. This sleep transition may also require that you create a longer morning waketime by push-ing the morning nap back thirty to forty-five minutes.

Your baby will continue two naps a day until the next sleep transition, which can occur between fourteen and twenty months of age, when he drops the morning nap. We will pick up on the various nap transitions in our next series, Preparation for the Toddler Years. There are other reasons babies wake up before a full nap is achieved. He might be ready to start solids, have a soiled diaper,

Naps and Nighttime Sleepo

82 THE BABYHOOD TRANSITIONS ~VISIT FOUR

or have an arm or leg stuck in a crib slat. This is when parental assessment comes into play (and possibly a quick glance at Chapter Seven in your Preparation for Parenting book). If none of the descriptions above fit, then you have a few options to work with. You can wait a little longer to see if your baby will resettle himself. You might go in and gently pat his back for a few moments, reassuring him that you are present, or pick him up and cuddle him while whispering softly to him. Hearing Mom or Dad’s calming voice during a time of stress is very reassuring. After he is calm, gently return him to the crib. If he continues to fuss after this, maybe naptime is over for today. If this is the option you choose, simply readjust his schedule for the rest of the day and monitor tomorrow’s sleep times.

The Fatigued BabyThe following question is not all that

uncommon: “My perfect six month old sleeper is fighting his naps to the point of fatigue. He is so over-tired that he can’t sleep. Should I just let him ‘cry it out?’ The correct answer depends on whether we are dealing with a ‘tired’ baby or a ‘fatigued’ baby. The fatigued baby is a uniquely different chal-lenge than a tired baby.

The most important lesson to learn from this scenario is knowing that the character traits of infant fatigue are not the same as those of a tired baby. The tired baby can usu-ally recoup the sleep needed in one ‘good’ nap or at least within a 24-hour cycle. The fatigued baby actually has a disruption in the sleep cycles that requires special attention.

If you keep your baby up and he skips his naps, the problem will only intensify. If you attempt to force sleep on the child, by

not responding to his cries (legitimately born out of fatigue), Mom and Dad can quickly become emotional wrecks and your baby will not be helped.

Let’s look into the context and unique-ness of this challenge. For the Prep Baby, healthy sleep has two primary components that most moms are unwilling to give up. First, a baby who sleeps through his naps without waking, and second a baby who sleeps in his crib for those naps. While both are important, one must be temporarily sus-pended for the greater good of the baby. By greater good we mean the restoration of his natural sleep rhythms. How can this be accomplished?

Infant fatigue is very much like adult fatigue. We all know what it feels like to be so tired that you can’t sleep. That’s because fatigue attacks the sleep rhythms, preventing an adult or child from entering the ebb and flow of active and relaxed sleep states. For a baby, it may be the result of his routine being out of whack for several days, especially dur-ing nap time. Mom’s priority here is to find a stress free solution and reestablish her baby’s circadian rhythm.

If the nap challenge is fatigue and you know you can get him back into a predict-able routine, we recommend Mom find a comfortable chair, a good book, sit down and allow baby to take his nap in her arms. This might extend into the next day, how-ever, naps should return to the crib by the third day.

Does this work? We say yes, most defi-nitely. It works because the tension between the need for sleep and the place for sleep is temporarily suspended so the baby is receiv-ing his necessary restorative sleep. Yet, you are not creating a sleep prop because this

NAPS AND NIGHTTIME SLEEP 83

sleep adjustment is only for a couple of days. You are satisfying his real sleep need by help-ing him overcome the fatigue.

Prevention is of course, the best medi-cine and always will be. Try to think through how your perfect sleeper became a fatigued baby. It didn’t just happen. One day’s sus-pension of a baby’s routine will not foster the condition of fatigue. However, two or three days of continual disruption may. Take a look at what is going on in your home and with the baby’s schedule and make the appropriate adjustments.

Do not take this sleep challenge lightly. Optimal alertness comes from optimal sleep. It is during the time of optimal alertness that your baby’s brain grows and develops. Poor sleep habits negatively impact the brain’s neuro-chemical transmitters that stimulate growth.

Nighttime SleepAt six months of age, your baby’s night-

time sleep patterns should be well-estab-lished. Usually an average of ten to twelve hours of continuous sleep should be the norm. These patterns will change little over the next few years except for a few tempo-rary disruptions due to sickness or daytime nap transitions.

SLEEP PROPS AND CHALLENGES

Sleep is a natural function of the body. The primary cue for infant sleep is sleepiness. Sleep cues are influenced (often negatively) by a variety of sleep-associated props. Some sleep props, such as a special blanket or stuffed animal, are usually harmless, while others, such as the nighttime bottle, pacifier, and thumb-sucking, can be addictive. The problem with these sleep props is not getting

the child to fall asleep initially, but training him to fall back to sleep without the prop. Let’s take a closer look.

The BottleThe most common sleep prop for the

older baby is the nighttime bottle. Too many children become conditioned to going to bed with a bottle and depend on it to fall asleep. You can avoid the bottle prop by not get-ting in the habit of putting your baby down with one. This does not mean he will never take a bottle in his crib. There may be an occasional nap when baby, bottle, and crib form a convenient alliance for a busy mom. As long as this behavior does not become habit-forming, it will not become addictive.

The BlanketSo that your child does not become

overly attached to one blanket, consider limiting its use to the crib/bed and on some occasions a long car ride. Do not let your baby or pretoddler drag it everywhere he goes. Although using the same blanket pro-vides a sense of familiarity, true security is tied to relationships with Mom and Dad, not objects.

The PacifierThere are many good reasons for using

a pacifier with your newborn, but by six months of age any need for additional non-nutritive sucking is greatly diminished. Does your child need a pacifier to fall asleep? If so, now is the time to start thinking about breaking this habit.

Experience and common sense teach that it is easier to remove the pacifier at six months than at twelve or eighteen months of age. It works best to remove it gradually.


You might try putting your baby down for one nap without his pacifier. See how that goes. Eventually move to the other naps and then nighttime. Might there be some crying? Yes plan on it, but it will be temporary.

Another suggestion is to pierce the paci-fier with a needle and release the vacuum. The vacuum bubble is what makes the paci-fier enjoyable; when the bubble is gone, the pleasure is decreased, often resulting in the child weaning himself from his “binky”. This suggestion can be applied to the six month old or sixteen month old.

SUDDEN AND UNEXPLAINABLE CRYIt’s scary! Your baby cries as if in pain but you do not know why. First, you check the fore-head for any indication of a fever. Ears and nose are next. No redness is good news so you examine the baby’s mouth for an emerg-ing new tooth. Nothing there. Examination

time is over. You assume it is a sleep issue. Not so fast! There is a reason for a sud-

den and unexplainable cry, and as a parent, you must find out what it is. A good habit to get into is checking your baby’s body once a day, including fingers and toes. Although rel-atively under-reported, there is a condition called ‘toe-tourniquet’ syndrome. Strange as it may sound, a single strand of hair, usu-ally Mom’s, or a fiber from a shagged carpet where the baby was playing, somehow gets wrapped around a toe or finger. Although hardly noticeable, it eventually begins to tighten and cut off circulation to the append-age, causing swelling, inflammation, and pain. The problem is often missed because the baby is wearing a sock or sleeper. While this may not explain every sudden and unex-plainable cry, it does alert you to the need for a daily ‘once over’ of your baby’s body.

W hen it comes to babies and pre-toddlers, there are a few disrup-tions that can turn a great nap and

nighttime sleeper into a challenging child. Rest assured, most of these challenges have an explanation and can be quickly brought under control. The questions below address the most common challenges relating to naps and nighttime sleep during the Babyhood Transition period. You can find more help-ful resources at our ministry website www.Growingkids.org.

1. Our six month old has always slept through the night. Now, all of a sudden he is waking and crying. Why is this happening? What should we do?

This is not an uncommon problem and can occur any time between five and eight months. There are four common reasons why babies wake at night.

1. The first reason is hunger. His waking may be a signal that he is going through a growth spurt. (If this is the case add another one or two nursing periods during the day or you might supplement with a bottle after breastfeeding.) It might also mean that he is ready for solid foods, or that your milk sup-ply is falling behind baby’s nutritional needs.

2. The second reason is associated with the third nap (late afternoon). It may be time to drop it. With three full naps a day, your baby may be getting too much sleep.

3. The third reason babies wake at night is teething or sickness. This is easier to identify since daytime irritability usually accompa-nies this condition.

4. The fourth reason is associated with dis-ruption in your baby’s daytime routine. Has there been a major change in it? Has this been a busy week? Did you just start a new job? Is your baby being overly entertained by friends and relatives or co-workers to the point that naps are being skipped? Over-tired babies are fussy when they are laid down. Do you have relatives visiting who feel it is their responsibility to hold your baby all day? Are you just getting back from a long trip? Evaluate the possible sources of the problem and make the appropriate changes knowing it might take two or three days to get him back on track. Do what you must to protect your baby’s naptimes.

2. Our child is now standing in his crib but doesn’t know how to get back down and begins to cry. What should we do?

Standing in the crib is half of a newly acquired skill. The other half is learning how to sit down after standing. You can aid the process by taking a few minutes after each nap to show him how to sit down. Take his hands firmly and guide them down the crib slats helping him sit. Over time, he will get used to the sensation of letting himself down. If you go in every time to put him down, you’re only delaying the learning

Questions About Pretoddler Sleepo

process. There will be no need to learn to sit if he knows that when he cries Mom will always come to the rescue.

3. Our child keeps losing his pacifier at night and begins to cry. What should we do?

As stated previously, a sleep prop is any device needed to help the child fall back to sleep once he awakens. In this case, the prop is the pacifier. It’s probably time to wean him from it or you will become sleep deprived.

4. Our baby throws off his covers at night, gets cold, and then begins to cry. What do we do?

Children move around in their sleep, making it difficult to stay covered. As parents, you only have three preventative options. Dress your child warmly at night, turn up your central heating, or purchase a safe room heater. One caution to consider concerning nighttime sleep and room heat-ers is to be careful not to place your baby too close to a heater in hopes of compensating for the coldness of the night. It is a greater health threat for the child to become over-heated than to be cold. Furthermore, heat-ers tend to dry the air, potentially causing respiratory problems with your baby. Please take note of this if you are using any type of portable heater.

5. My husband and I will be traveling for the next couple of weeks. How do we maintain the baby’s routine, especially when we move through other time zones?

Here are a couple of suggestions. First, train your baby to sleep other places than in his crib. Second, learn how to adjust his routine to each new time zone. Let’s start

with the first challenge. When preparing for travel, a few weeks in advance put your child down for his naps or nighttime sleep in his playpen. For a couple of nights, put the play-pen in the living room, family room, or your bedroom draping two sides with a couple of blankets. Take the blankets on your trip or borrow some when you arrive. The blan-kets serve to reduce potential distractions by closing in your child’s sleep environment.

If your trip is within two time zones, time adjustments will be fairly automatic. When flying through three or four time zones, make adjustments to your baby’s rou-tine once you arrive. The type of adjustment depends on whether you are traveling east to west or west to east. With the first, you have an extended day; with the second, you have an early night. If you have an extended day, add another feeding and possibly a cat-nap. If you go west to east, split the bedtime difference in half between the old and new time zones.

For example, your baby’s West Coast bedtime is 7:00 pm, while the East Coast equivalent is 10:00 pm. Splitting the dif-ference between the two zones will make your baby’s first East Coast bedtime at 8:30 pm. Over the next couple of days, work his bedtime back to 7:00 pm, while making as many adjustments to his daytime routine as needed.

6. My seven month old still fusses for five to ten minutes at each nap. Will he ever outgrow it, or am I doing something wrong?

Yes, your baby will outgrow it. Some babies tend to fuss more than others before settling into their nap, and this might con-tinue through the next several months.


Science cannot offer a complete explanation why some babies have a greater predisposi-tion toward fussiness and seem to need a good cry once a day. As long as you know your baby is not hungry, sick, or in pain, and taking good naps, that short period of fussing will eventually be a thing of the past.

7. My baby is sleeping 13 hours at night. Is this a problem?

Yes it is. The problem has a cause and a effect. The cause is usually (but not always) tied to poor or nonexistent daytime naps. In response, your baby is sleeping longer at night because of fatigue realized during the day. If naps are a problem, work on getting them established. As you do, his nighttime sleep will fall into a normal range.

The effect of extended nighttime sleep is the negative impact it has on a nursing moth-er’s milk production. Do the math! Eleven hours is not a sufficient amount of time to

replenish or maintain adequate nutrition through breastfeeding. If the extended sleep problem persists, contact your pediatrician.

SummaryAs your baby grows into the pretoddler

stage, the amount of total sleep needed in a 24 hour period will gradually decline, although the quality of sleep will remain. This decline comes during the daytime as your baby’s nap schedule transitions from three naps to two naps and then from two naps to one nap. Any problems you might encounter with your baby’s sleep will be minor in comparison to the giant strides already made in his sleep stabilization. Your biblical mindset for parenting and your God-given common sense will help you meet any sleep challenges that might arise.

QUESTIONS ABOUT PRETODDLER SLEEP 87

W hile most basic questions relat-ing to a baby’s feeding, wake-time and naptime transitions

were addressed in earlier chapters, there are always a few secondary, independent baby-hood topics in need of comment or clari-fication. We arranged the topics below in alphabetical order for easy reference. Our list includes:

Achievement LevelsBaby EquipmentBaby Proofing and BoundariesBaby Teeth and Dental CareBrain Enhancement VideosChurch Nurseries and Baby-sittersImmunizationsMicrowave and the BottleMozart Effect and Classical MusicPlaypen AdvantagesSleep and LearningThe Walking Milestone

ACHIEVEMENT LEVELSMuch has been written about what a baby is supposed to be doing physically during the first year of his or her life. This includes mastering such things as shaking a rattle, saying “da-da”, reaching for bright objects, crawling, and finally, walking. There are three things tied to your baby’s level of achievement.

1. The daily routine he is on can enhance his ability to learn and process informa-

tion. Repetition and predictability are key elements to the process of learning and a consistent routine provides these.

2. Babies differ in the age they master skills. If your sister’s nine month old is starting to pull himself up onto chairs and your nine-month old is still happily crawling, there is no cause for alarm. Avoid com-paring your baby’s development to other babies. By the time they start school all children are walking, talking, feeding themselves and using the bathroom on their own.

3. Along with your baby’s physical develop-ment comes the corresponding mental capacities. Be careful not to focus solely on your baby’s physical accomplish-ments. Talk to your baby! Young children can understand far more than they can verbalize.

BABY EQUIPMENT

Besides the playpen and the stroller, the next four most popular pieces of baby equipment include the ‘Bumbo Seat’, infant swing, ‘Johnny Jumper’, and infant baby walker.

The Bumbo SeatProviding a baby the opportunity to

investigate and manipulate objects is essen-tial for brain development. While lying on a blanket is one way, the use of the ‘Bumbo Seat’ is another. ‘Bumbo Seat’ is actually a

The Babyhood Transitions Topic Pool

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trademarked name and a product of South Africa, but there are now a number of dif-ferent manufacturers with similar seats. The seat provides the right support for babies who are just starting the transition from lying on their tummy exclusively to sitting up on their own. Designed in such a way that it assists babies to sit upright it, provides all the freedom they need to investigate and explore an item up close. We routinely find that babies who sit upright, tend to have longer sustained waketimes. The longer they are awake, the faster the learning adaptation.

Although marketed for ages 3 to 14 months, the ‘Bumbo’ type seats actually offer no real benefit once a baby is sitting up by himself, which occurs between six and nine months. There are some precaution-ary warnings to pass on regarding the seat. Bumbo ‘type’ seats should never be placed on any elevated object, including a chair, bench or table. While slight, tipping is pos-sible if the child can move his weight off cen-ter by stretching his back. To take advantage of the benefits offered and maximize safety, keep the seat on a carpeted area or blanket with some pillows around it.

The Infant SwingA swing can serve two purposes. First,

it can keep your baby peacefully occupied so Mom or Dad can get housework or other tasks done. Second, it helps soothe a fussy baby when nothing else works.

Infant swings have come a long way since we purchased our first one over forty years ago. Today, just about every conceiv-able option is available, including swings that play music as they move. Two common features are multiple speeds when the swing is in motion, and a reclining option. Fussy

babies tend to settle down better with the swinging motion set at a stronger setting and speed. A slower speed is more conducive for relaxed, non-fussy times. The reclining option works well if you use the swing after feeding your baby, as this position takes pressure off his or her full tummy. Does your baby need all the fancy attachments? Probably not. Manufacturers tend to think in terms of what parents will buy more than what babies actually need.

There are some cautions to stay mindful of when using an infant swing. First, the AAP (American Academy of Pediatrics) recom-mends that swings not be used until your baby is able to sit up on his own. (This skill level is usually achieved around seven or eight months of age.) However, most grand-mothers will tell you that once your baby has good head and upper back control, the swing can be introduced in the reclining position as long as the baby is propped well and fully secured so he cannot move or slip out of the swing.

Second, swings should not be used for extended periods of time nor out of the visual range of Mom or Dad. When using the swing to accomplish a task like prepar-ing dinner, by all means, remember to talk to your baby while he or she is swinging.

Third, whether you purchase a new swing or borrow one, make sure it is assem-bled well, has a wide base and a low center of gravity. While tipping a swing over is rare, it can happen if your baby leans too far over in one direction and the swing is not cen-tered correctly. Another safety feature to look for includes a lap belt or shoulder harness. Never be in too much of a hurry when put-ting your baby in the swing that you forget to secure the belts or harnesses.

THE BABYHOOD TRANSITIONS TOPIC POOL 89

Finally, we offer this word of caution. A swing is a great piece of baby equipment because it can be soothing, but it is no sub-stitute for human contact. Even if your baby is happy while in the swing, do not leave him there unsupervised. While the swinging motion can put a baby to sleep, that is not it’s purpose. When it is time for your baby to sleep, put him in his crib. That is not to say that you cannot use the swing to help your baby fall asleep when he is teething or over-stimulated and can’t settle himself down; but it is to warn that the swinging motion can create an unwelcomed sleep prop.

Johnny Jumper There are a variety of exercisers for babies,

and they serve a worthwhile purpose, such as providing an interactive learning center that can make fun sounds, play music and show bright lights. The jumper, (which goes by a variety of similar names including ‘Jolly Jumper’, and ‘Johnny Jump Up’), provides an opportunity for valuable exercise, which in turn facilitates gross motor skill, such as balance and coordination while increasing blood circulation. Attaching securely to a door or arch way, the jumper will provide plenty of entertainment and physical stimu-lation.

The Baby WalkerThe health risks associated with the

mobile baby walkers far outweigh any potential benefit derived from their use. With statistics showing walkers send more than 14,000 babies to the hospital every year, it is not difficult to understand why the AAP not only discourages the use of baby walkers, but called for a ban on the manu-facturing of them. If you do choose to use

a walker, please be extremely careful and under no circumstances should you let your baby out of your sight. Keep your baby away from stair-steps, wires and electric cords on the floor or within reach, and items with moving parts such as electric fans used in the summer months. For reasons of safety, we do not support the use of baby walkers for any reason.

The modern replacement to a baby walker is the stationary ‘activity center’. They are shaped much like a walker, only baby cannot propel himself because his feet are resting on the play center’s base and not the floor. There are no wheels. This eliminates the safety concerns present with walkers. In his activity center, he can stand or sit while investigating an assortment of gad-gets designed to entertain. Although most parents refer to these stationary activity cen-ters as exersaucer, it should be noted the name ‘ExerSaucer’ is a brand name made by Evenflo.

BABY-PROOFING AND BOUNDARIESOnce your baby begins to crawl, stand, and move about, it will become necessary to provide boundaries by establishing what areas and items are off-limits to his explor-ing hands. Will your baby understand the ‘why’ behind your instruction? No, but at this point in his development he does pos-sess the capacity to understand what “No” or “Don’t touch” means. Corresponding with his ability to crawl is his cognitive ability to discriminate between what he can and cannot touch.

When deciding how to teach an active crawler what he can or cannot touch, parents need to decide if they are going to ‘baby-proof’ their home or ‘home-proof’ their baby.



Which one is best for you and which one is best for your child?

Let’s define the terms. ‘Baby-proofing’ means that a child’s unrestricted movements and momentary desires are necessary for his healthy development. Baby-proofing advo-cates speculate, (without scientific support) that any restrictions or verbal restraints initi-ated by the parents towards a child, regard-less of the context of such limitations will negatively impact the child’s ability to learn, become creative, and achieve a healthy self-esteem. ‘Baby-proofing’ your home means you will rearrange your living area so your child is never placed in a situation where you would have to limit his freedom of explora-tion or confront him with the feared words, “No, don’t touch.”

‘Home-proofing’ your child means par-ents set appropriate limitations on their young child’s mobility, introducing freedoms only when their child is old enough and wise enough to understand the concept of what “Don’t touch” and “Be careful” means.

The practice of ‘home-proofing’ has a moral-otherness dimension attached to it as well. As your child learns to respect the items in your living room, he carries the same self-control to your neighbor’s living room. In this way, you as a parent, are actu-ally blessing others through your training. This is a valid expression of “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Unfortunately, the opposite is also true. The child who has the freedom to touch anything and everything, or wander the home of a neighbor at will and without restraint, is usually viewed as anything but a blessing.

Capacity and TrainingA five to twelve month old child is about

to enter a transition that takes place over an extended period of time, taking him from the world of me, myself, and I (dominant in the first two years of life) to a world of understanding that other people and their property have equal significance. This is the world he will live in for the rest of his life. It seems reasonable then to begin as you mean to go.

Children nearing their first birthday have a growing awareness of the meaning of ‘boundaries’. If faced with the tempta-tion to play with Dad’s fishing magazines lying on the coffee table or redirecting his little hands, redirecting can win out. How can you get your child to this point? Instead of rearranging your home (‘baby-proofing’), you can teach your child what objects are free to touch and what objects are off limits to his little hands. There will be times, of course, when your child will strongly oppose your training efforts, but those objections are minimized when you:

1. Stay consistent: If you are going to tell your child he can not touch something today, then you must be prepared to tell him he can’t touch that same item tomor-row, the next day and every day there-after. Don’t start what you don’t mean to finish. In other words, if you are not going to be consistent in your training efforts, by all means, ‘baby-proof’ your home.

2. Understand the need for correction will also be necessary: Your child will touch the ‘off-limits’ item just to see if you mean business. You may try saying “No” again followed by a clap of your hands to get his attention. If he reaches out to touch it

again, put your young child in his play-pen for a few minutes to let him know you are serious. When he calms down, you may take him out of the playpen. If he goes back to the restricted item, back in the playpen he goes.

3. Take necessary precautions: If you have a valuable, breakable or dangerous item and you do not want to take a chance it might get broken, remove it to a safe place. Secure the bookcase or wall-unit to the wall and place ‘knick-knacks’ and other fragile items out of reach. It is important that parents take every pre-caution to make their child’s environment safe. Making your home safe for a young child is not the same thing as baby-proof-ing your home.

For your sake and to avoid frustrating your child, do not make his play area too big. If your son or daughter develops a fond-ness with the toilet seat in the bathroom, shut the door and keep it closed. How is this different from ‘baby-proofing’? With ‘baby-proofing’, everything a child can’t touch is removed. When you create a play environ-ment that has limitations for the child, there are still many items in the home he can-not touch. Again, do not underestimate the moral implications of ‘home-proofing’ your child.

BABY TEETH AND DENTAL CAREWhen a tooth begins to break through the gum, this is referred to as ‘teething’. Teething is not a disease, but a part of normal growth. Teething should not interfere with breast-feeding since the sucking reflex used while nursing is done by the tongue and palate,

not the gums. On average, most babies begin cutting their first tooth between four and eight months with six months being the greater average. Once the first tooth begins to emerge, the others tend to follow at a pre-dictable rate. The two lower middle teeth come in first, followed by the two upper middle teeth. Around twelve months the two upper incisors break through followed by the lower incisors. The first molars typically appear around thirteen months of age. For some babies, cutting a tooth might happen overnight without pain, but for most the process of cutting teeth brings a level of discomfort because of soreness and swelling in the gums before a tooth breaks through. You might notice your baby biting a toy. Babies do this to relieve the pressure in their gums. Most babies will drool more than normal, be slightly more irritable, or feed less vigorously. These symptoms usually appear three to five days before the tooth shows, and disappear as soon as the tooth breaks the skin. Ideally, your baby should see a dentist around the time his first tooth comes into his mouth, which usually occurs around six months of age. At the very least, make sure your child sees a dentist for a ‘well-baby dental check-up’ by his first birthday. This is very important because early evaluation and education are the keys to the prevention of dental diseases. Your dentist can help you determine your child’s risk for decay and help you with techniques to clean his teeth effectively and safely. In addition to having your child evaluated, starting to visit the dentist at an early age will help your child become comfortable in a dental office.

Severe early childhood decay can be dev-astating to the child and even more so for the



parents as their child goes through extensive dental procedures. In some cases, the disease can be so advanced that by the time the child is evaluated he will require general anesthe-sia to safely complete the needed treatments. Prevention is the way to go!

Cleaning and Preventing DecayBegin cleaning your baby’s teeth when

the first tooth comes into the mouth. All that is needed to clean your baby’s teeth is a wet washcloth, which is gently rubbed against the teeth. You can also use a child-sized toothbrush. Toothpaste is not necessary at this early age. Ideally, cleaning your baby’s teeth should be done at least twice a day with special attention at night just before bedtime.

Do not let your baby go to bed with a bottle or a non-spill sippy cup that con-tains anything other than water. The AAPD (American Academy of Pediatric Dentists) recommends that when juice is offered, it should be in a cup and children should be weaned from the bottle between the ages of twelve and fourteen months. Infants and toddlers who suffer from decay are more likely to continue to have similar prob-lems when they get their permanent teeth. Therefore, starting habits early like good teeth cleanings, limiting juice and sugary snacks, and regular visits to the dentist are keys to unlocking life-long oral health in your child.

BRAIN ENHANCEMENT VIDEOSSome parents think they can stuff knowl-edge in their infant’s developing brain like a deli-master stuffs a brat-wurst. Plopping your infant in front of a television set for his daily regime of ‘brain stimulating’ vid-

eos or attempting to teach your eight month old math and Swahili will not create a ‘little genius’ or the world’s next Einstein. Far from it. As well-intentioned as many par-ents may be to push their baby to the front of the class, their emphasis is in the wrong place—on knowledge stimulation rather than developing a healthy infrastructure for learning. Stimulating an efficient knowledge processing system during the critical first year and-a-half of life is a ‘must-attain’ goal for parents of a pretoddler. Videos marketed to make babies smarter is not a step in that right direction.

The outcry against marketing educa-tional videos to parents of infants has now reached the federal level with complaints filed with the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) responsible for overseeing false adver-tisement (May 11, 2006). Research strongly suggests that television viewing for babies is negatively associated with cognitive devel-opment, regular sleep patterns, and time spent interacting with parents and engaged in creative play. Television viewing can also be habit-forming and, for older children, is linked to childhood obesity and poor school performance.

Published studies in the August 8, 2007 edition of the Journal of Pediatrics confirm that for every hour an infant spends watching baby videos there is a corresponding drop in language development. Children who were exposed to video watching as babies score lower on standardized vocabulary tests than children who didn’t watch videos at all. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) guidelines recommend children under the age of two watch no television and no screen entertainment, including computer images.

There’s little debate among educational

clinicians that a child’s ability to learn is tied to how the brain organizes information and items that stimulate thoughts, ideas and responses. Structuring learning opportuni-ties into your child’s day aids the learning process, while overloading the senses with random images impedes it. Your pretoddler’s brain is not set up for the type of single direc-tion, passive learning that comes from multi-colored video animations, regardless of how a product is marketed or what it promises. Colorful, fast-moving and bouncing images filling a screen do not facilitate optimal brain organization and actually work against it.

All children (especially infants), need two-way human interaction that comes from Mom and Dad. Your baby needs to hear your voice, participate in conversation and have songs directed at him or her while cud-dling, nursing or playing. Your baby’s brain interacts far more with the real thing, that being Mom and Dad, than with a thirty-six inch T.V. screen. It is this type of stimula-tion that facilitates better brain organization. More senses are stimulated, including sight, sound, smell and touch, as well as the warm, loving feeling associated with the protective environment of Mom and Dad’s arms.

Talk, talk, talk to your baby while feed-ing, playing, dressing, walking or riding in the car. Use adult language, not baby talk. Read to your baby everyday. Stimulate your pretoddler’s memory skills through infant games like peek-a-boo and patty-cake and practice waving “bye-bye”. Get siblings and Grandma and Grandpa involved. You can help your baby develop eye-hand coordina-tion by providing age-appropriate toys, such as blocks or anything that is safe that he can manipulate with his hands. Even a couple of clean pot holders will do the trick.

The point here is the human-factor can-not be replaced or outsourced. Educational videos for infants are a clear contradiction. The more the responsive side of the brain is left unattended during video input, the less organized the brain becomes and the greater the potential increase for learning disorders, including a deficiency in focus-ing and concentrating skills. This is in part due to the single fact that screen images are always moving. The child is not learning anything because his brain is not developed sufficiently to receive colorful, fast moving objects. There is no pre-existing understand-ing to tie those images to anything.

CHURCH NURSERIES AND BABY-SITTERSNursery and day-care workers usually have their hands full with a number of children. Because of that, there is no way they can keep track of the different routines of each child in their care. We suggest parents leave a bottle of water, formula, or breast milk and give the attendant the freedom to do what she thinks is best for your baby.

When you have a well established rou-tine, a couple of hours in a nursery setting will not throw your child off. When you and baby get home, make the appropriate adjustments. This is the beauty of having an established schedule. It allows for flexibility during the times most needed, but the exist-ing patterns of order and routine are quickly reestablished when needed.

A baby-sitter who provides a service at your home, (as opposed to their own), can follow your routine much easier than the nursery worker who must care for ten other babies. If this is the case with your baby, write out your baby’s schedule, establish clear expectations, and you’re on your way.


IMMUNIZATIONSThe ability to protect our children from the tragedies of polio and other deadly diseases is one of the blessings of our day. Medical research has provided us with effective immunizations that build up antibodies to fight off invading disease; but these vaccines are useless if your child never receives them. Parents are responsible to see that their child is fully protected. The eight common vac-cinations offered are polio, diphtheria, per-tussis (whooping cough), tetanus, rubella (German measles), mumps, measles, hep-atitis, and Haemophilus influenza, type B (Hib). Most pediatricians start routine immunizations within the first two months after a baby is born. Because immunization schedules change frequently as better vaccines and updated information is available, continue checking with your pediatrician for a recent time-table of vaccinations. Most importantly, stay cur-rent with making sure your baby is receiving his on schedule. If you have concerns or questions about any vaccine, contact your pediatrician. He or she will be a more reli-able source than internet chat rooms dis-cussing the pros and cons of vaccinations.

MICROWAVE AND THE BOTTLEOccasionally, you may want to heat your baby’s bottle in a microwave oven. This is a potential source of danger because micro-waves do not heat food evenly. Therefore, be sure to shake the bottle well after heating and squirt a dab of milk on your wrist to test for warmth. When heating your baby’s bottle, loosen the top to allow for heat expansion, otherwise it may explode. Unlike formula, breast milk should not be heated in microwaves. The heat inside

a microwave is so intense it will destroy the benefits contained in breast milk. Heat breast milk by putting it into a pan of warm water. This is the best way to ensure that the milk is not overheated, and that necessary nutrients are not destroyed.

MOZART EFFECT AND CLASSICAL MUSICFilling the airways of your home with clas-sical music as a way of providing an educa-tional edge to infants and toddlers is another topic of contemporary interest. In research circles, this is known as the ‘Mozart Effect’. The Mozart Effect was based on a study done in 1993 which suggested that listening to Mozart could increase one’s spatial reason-ing (aiding logic). But hang on. Before rush-ing out to pick up music by your favorite classical composer, understand the research was done on college students, not babies. The research was not thorough although the findings had some qualified value and theo-retical credibility.

Nonetheless, music is a unique language with the ability to bypass the listener’s mind and speak directly to his heart. We know that classical music is very orderly in its con-struction and through its order can convey a peaceful spirit. This is particularly true for the music composed by Bach and Mozart.

Man has the ability to listen to music on two levels. On the surface, we hear a song and its melody. Below the surface, but just above the subconscious level, we hear the logic of the melody. It is theorized that when young children are exposed to clas-sical music, the logic center of the brain is strengthened and those areas dependent on logic (mathematics and complex reasoning skills) are reinforced. While there is some evidence supporting this conclusion, none


of it is linked to music videos or flashing images tied to a screen as mentioned previ-ously.

To what extent babies can relate to expressions of logic, (through the medium of music) is not known at this time. They do however, relate to orderliness and routine which are, in the end, expressions of the creative order of things.

PLAYPEN ADVANTAGESAlthough we touched on the playpen in pre-vious chapters, here we wish to revisit the many advantages it offered.

1. It provides a safe environment. A playpen is a safe place to put your baby when your attention must be elsewhere and it’s not the baby’s naptime. Playpens enable you to take a shower, unload groceries from the car, care for other children, and do a host of other activities—all the while knowing your child is safe.

2. It doubles as a portable bed. The play-pen can serve as a portable bed, which is especially useful when visiting in another family’s home. The playpen gives the baby a clean, familiar place to sleep.

3. It offers a structured learning center. The playpen really does encourage the love of learning because babies are in a place where their little world is uninterrupted. There are no distractions and it is the right size venue that encourages play and fosters focusing and concentrating skills. We have observed our own grandchil-dren, sitting in their playpen ‘looking at book’, not that they could read it, but they were enjoying it. The playpen cre-

ates the right conditions for this type of behavior.

Planned daily playpen times allow little ones the opportunity to develop in many ways.

Benefits of the Playpen1. It aids focusing skills. Playpen time helps

a child develop the ability to concentrate on an object or activity at hand and not be constantly distracted.

2. It aids creativity. You can see how a child picks up a toy, manipulates it with her hands, examines it carefully, shakes it, or removes a part and examines it and then test their skills by repeating the process again. Or maybe he is separating parts of a toy and then attempts to replace the parts. And that moment of discovery becomes the motivation that perpetuates longer attention spans and deeper levels of concentration. These are all academic attributes required for higher learning.

3. It aids self-play adeptness. This is one of the positive signs that your baby is mov-ing from dependence to independence.

4. It aids orderliness. The first step to devel-oping orderliness is to help your child with cleanup times. Start by placing a few books in one corner, a bucket of small toys in another, or stacking other items in a neat pile. Simple statements such as “Let’s put the toys in the basket,” or “Help Mommy clean-up,” aid the process. The object is to leave the area neat, with the child participating in achieving that goal.



When routine and structured learning times are absent in a baby’s day, then the repertoire of skills he might otherwise attain by these activities could be seriously delayed or compromised. The playpen is all about creating the right learning environment.

When to Use the PlaypenSchedule your playpen times at approxi-

mately the same time(s) each day, selecting times when your baby is fresh and alert (not before naptime, for example). Put one or two interesting toys within the baby’s reach, or put the toys in a small basket and place the basket in the playpen. Keep the toys age-appropriate, and occasionally rotate them. The child who finds a shiny blue rattle fas-cinating at five months of age will ignore it at ten months of age. Local libraries carry books that describe the types of toys or activ-ities your baby is likely to be interested in at each stage of development.

One important aspect of selecting appro-priate toys is understanding what is not a toy. Tools, markers, cell phones, car keys and Mom or Dad’s private and personal property are not toys. Mom’s earrings, billfold, and lipstick in her purse (and the purse itself, for that matter) are not toys. Neither is Dad’s pocket pen, reading glasses or watch. Think about it! If you amuse your baby with general and personal items now, will these same play items be off limits in a few months? If they will not be appropriate toys then, should they be allowed now?

If you have twins, alternate their times in the playpen. Put one in the playpen in the morning, the other in the afternoon. Occasionally try putting them both in at the same time. If your home allows for it, vary the location of the playpen from time

to time. For example, during the week you might put it in the living room. Then on the weekend, place it near the sliding glass door overlooking the backyard where the child’s siblings are playing. In warm weather, take the playpen outside.

Position the playpen so you can easily check on your baby, without your baby see-ing you. It detracts from the purpose of self-focusing playtime if the child can see Mom or Dad, forcing a child to choose between creative self-play or Mom sitting in the next room is not fair to him. If you live in a small apartment, be creative. For example, you might use a portable room divider to section off part of the living room or bedroom.

The time your baby spends in the play-pen will vary with age. During the first few months, your baby may have ten to twenty minutes, twice a day in the playpen. By the time your baby can sit by himself or her-self, you can extend playpen time to fifteen to thirty minutes, twice a day. Once your baby starts to crawl, increase the time to thirty to forty-five minutes at least once a day. Between fifteen and twenty months, your child can play up to one hour either in the playpen or possibly in his or her room. These are suggested guidelines, of course. Some days your child will play longer, other days for shorter periods.

We offer words of caution and encourage-ment: Don’t overuse the playpen by leaving your baby in it for extended and unplanned periods during the day. ‘Playpen time’ should be a planned activity, not an all-day event. As a word of encouragement, children of all ages have a love/hate relationship with boundaries. They hate boundaries simply because they are there, yet they love them because of the security they provide. That’s

true of the playpen. If your child doesn’t appear to like the playpen at first, stay with five minutes until he accepts it. Rest assured, the playpen will become a fun place for him.

Keeping the Timer HandyThe use of a timer is very beneficial when

first starting playpen training. Whether your child adapts with perfect ease or cries in pro-test, you want him to learn when the timer goes off, the activity is over. It is better that a child associates the end of his playpen time with the timer’s ring than with his persistent crying. If a timer is not used, the baby may cry without ceasing, thinking his crying is what brings Mom or Dad to the rescue when actually, playpen time just happen to be up.

Starting LateHow should you introduce the playpen

if it hasn’t been part of your baby’s day prior to this? Again, training starts with a timer! If your baby is not used to boundaries, any adjustment will probably bring tears of pro-test. When they come, you have a decision to make. Give in to the tears or press on based on what is best for the child. Start with short periods of time—maybe five to ten minutes a day. Over the next two or three weeks, work up to twenty minutes, then thirty. After a month, extend the time to forty-five min-utes. In time your child will love his playpen time and so will you. If there is any crying, the advantages gained outweigh a few tears.

SLEEP AND LEARNING

Last night was a rough one. The dog was barking and the electricity went out due to a thunderstorm, causing the alarm clock by your bed to flash when the power came on again. Throughout the ordeal, you never got

out of bed. You don’t recall being awake, although you figured out something had happened when your alarm didn’t go off. It does not take long for you to realize some-thing happened other than your alarm going haywire—you are cranky, edgy, and just not nice to be around. Simply put, you got a lousy night’s sleep and every raw nerve-end-ing in your body stands ready to let everyone you meet know this. When it comes to children, parents tend only to think in terms of these two things: either their child is asleep or he is awake. There is a blending scale of sleep and wake-times. Sleep ranges from a completely relaxed state to active sleep, to groggy wake-time to complete wakefulness. Optimal wakefulness is directly tied to optimal sleep, and optimal development is directly tied to optimal wakefulness. We cannot overem-phasize this point. Children who suffer from a lack of healthy naps and nighttime sleep also experience a type of passive chronic fatigue, affecting maximum alertness.

The result of too little sleep is equally devastating affecting a child’s alertness as well. When a child is not alert, his inatten-tiveness is increased while his ability to focus and concentrate is decreased. This child is easily distracted and often physically hyper-active. He is also more demanding and can-not interact within a learning environment for sustained periods of time. In contrast, children who have estab-lished healthy sleep habits are optimally awake and optimally alert to interact with their environment. Having now observed a generation of these children now, we see common threads when they reach school-age. In classroom settings, these children are more self-assured, happier, less demanding,



more sociable, creative and motivated. They have longer attention spans and become faster learners because they are more adapt-able. Mediocrity among these children is rare, while excellence is common. In Preparation for Parenting, we spoke of a child’s ability to learn. We noted that while parents cannot alter a child’s intelli-gence quotient, they can maximize or limit it. One way this is done, both positively and negatively, is through sleep. The impact healthy and not-so-healthy sleep has on edu-cational outcomes was first noted in a 1925 study conducted by Dr. Lewis M. Terman. Amazingly, his insights and conclusions relating to factors influencing I.Q. continue to stand unchallenged to this day. His study looked at over two-thousand children with superior intelligence and found one com-mon line—all of them had experienced con-sistent healthy nighttime sleep. Good sleep habits are not a child’s choice, but a parental decision.

THE WALKING MILESTONEA pretoddler’s mobility is nothing new. He begins by creeping, then crawling, standing, and then moving from object to object. Then, one day it happens—he takes his first steps. From this point forward his world begins to change and so does Mom and Dad’s. Walking is a developmental milestone and marks a new era of independence. Now his little feet can take him where his mind desires. If he is on the go, you should not be far behind.

Walking also ushers in a new era of parental supervision because it increases a child’s contacts. Mobility opens doors of opportunity and new areas of interest, explo-ration, and adventure, which require con-stant parental supervision. Now your baby

is also able to walk to mischief and trouble. While as a crawler you knew his range of exploration; now as a walker, you must stay more attentive to where he is. Keep your eye on him because his ability and resolve to get from here to there far out weigh his judgment for caution and safety.

During the one year span between twelve and twenty four months, the walk-ing, talking, exploring pretoddler multiplies the demands of mother’s time, energy, and patience more than any other period of his life. It is also a time when clashes of the ‘will’ abound, for the walking-about pretod-dler is in the process of not only testing his legs but also trying new experiences with his hands. His mind has caught up with his legs, so asserting himself accompanies his mobility. If left to himself unhindered by moral and safety concerns, this little person could empty a book shelf in minutes, con-nect with Hong Kong on Dad’s cell phone, drink from the bird-bath, splash little hands in the toilet, drain the last sips of the bever-age left on the coffee table, flee the kitchen with a table knife, or take a nap in the dog house—which, after everything else, would be a positive thing.

Ah yes, the mobile pretoddler. There is no question that a pretoddler’s mom is a tired mom, and for good reason. The emotional and physical energy needed to supervise an energy-packed tot can take down the most physically fit mom. If your child happens to be a boy, add fifty percent more energy. Never so beautiful does this child look to his weary mom as he does when he closes his eyes in sleep.

Why bring up the topic of walking at this point? Because some babies begin walk-ing at nine months while others at eighteen


months-of-age. When this milestone is reached with your little one, an entirely new world opens up requiring a new manage-ment approach from Mom and Dad. Walking doesn’t take away from the advantages gained by your baby’s routine, but it does challenge everything within the routine.

Regardless of when this milestone is reached, the feeding, waketime, and nap-time strategies encouraged in The Babyhood Transitions will greatly impact your ability to manage your soon to be mobile child. All this to his advantage and yours.

BOOK SUMMARYThere is no greater fulfillment a parent can receive than the upturned face of a child, eyes speaking wonders and a face of con-

fidence in discovering a brand new world with Mom and Dad. While there is still work to be done in the remaining pretoddler days, rest assured, the foundations laid dur-ing the five to twelve month growth phase, (with his feeding, waketime and naptime successes), pay huge dividends in the next phase of growth and development when you will be parenting your twelve to eighteen months old. That is when everything will change again as your baby’s awareness of the meaning of life begins to accelerate, and your strategies for care grow more complex. Even so, begin as you mean to go will continue to be a faithful guide, helping you along the way. Enjoy the remainder the Babyhood Transitions phase.

Anyone attempting to learn a language can tell you that it can be a very diffi-cult task, and it takes years to achieve

any sort of fluency. God has equipped babies with a phenomenal ability to achieve total fluency in about three years, with very little practice and almost no conscious thought required. Parents are the models God has provided for a child’s development, and the area of language development is no differ-ent from the many others discussed in this guide.

In your infant’s world, there are only sounds, no words. The more you talk to your baby the stronger the formation of a dedicated connection in the brain’s audi-tory cortex. The more words your baby hears from you, the faster he develops his language skills. But please take note, voices from a video or children’s program is not a substitute for Mom and Dad’s voice.

Here are some ideas to help you help your child develop language.

1. It is not necessary to use ‘baby talk’. It is very tempting to reduce what you are saying to what you think the baby understands, such as “Ryan, no touch, that’s bad.” Children are wonderful decoders. If you say, “Ryan, don’t touch that, it’s bad,” he will (even at the young age of six months) understand the tone of voice, the facial expression, and any gestures you might use. By twelve to fourteen months, he’ll understand enough

of the words and intonations to figure out exactly what you are telling him. Children are wonderful imitators, too. Why not give them a chance to learn the correct sentence structure by speaking it yourself?

2. Talk about anything and everything! This gives your child a chance to pair words with concepts. Even though he will not under-stand all the words at first, what a great exposure to the world you are giving him. When you go to the grocery store, talk about what you are buying, the things you see in the various aisles, and where you are going next. A pretoddler certainly doesn’t under-stand everything, but you are laying a broad foundation for the future.

3. Read, read, read! Reading books to your child is a wonderful way to expose him to words and concepts. (We recommend Jim Trelease’s Read-Aloud Handbook, Penguin Books: N.Y., N.Y.) which helps children become early readers

4. Once your child starts speaking, expand on what he says. For example, you are giving your son a bath, and he says, “Boat down.” You could respond by saying, “Yes, the boat went down.” This not only recognizes what your child has said, but also gives him the correct form of a full sentence. Cute as it may appear now, you really do not want your child to start kindergarten using baby sen-

Appendix Ao

Child Language Development


tences! By then his vocabulary will already be way behind where it should have been.

5. Above all, relax! With few exceptions, children learn language in spite of anything parents do or think they have done to inhibit it!

CHILD LANGUAGE DEVELOPMENT The following is a general outline of the stages of child language development. Each child develops at his own rate, and the ages given are approximate.

Birth to 3 months: A familiar, friendly voice comforts him. He smiles at Mom or another familiar person. He has different cries for hunger, dirty diaper, and fatigue. He coos and goos.

2 to 4 months: He pays attention to the per-son speaking to him, responds to an angry tone of voice by crying, and turns toward a source of sound. He laughs out loud and begins to babble making sounds like “bababa”.

4 to 6 months: He begins to respond to his environment and begins to understand inflection and intensity of utterances. He strings several different sounds together “badaba-daba”, and he blows raspberries.

6 to 9 months: He listens with greater atten-tion to others’ utterances, understands words such as “no”, “bye-bye”, and his name. He begins to echo sounds and actions that oth-ers make.

9 to 12 months: He begins following simple directions (“Do not touch”, “Come here”) and shakes his head yes and no. The long-

awaited first word appears and he begins to ‘jargon’ (strings of sounds paired with into-nations to sound like questions, statements, or demands). Yes, they are all there ready to come out.

12 to 18 months: He recognizes familiar objects and people and identifies body parts. He adds more and more words and begins to put short sentences together.

18 to 24 months: He identifies more and more objects when requested to do so and listens to simple stories.

The ages listed above are only a guide and indicate when most children exhibit the language skill listed. Don’t worry if your child is a month or two late at attaining any given level, for children mature at different rates. If your child is not responding to your voice by one year of age, or not speaking at all by two, you should seek referrals to the appropriate professionals from your child’s doctor.

Finally, early video watching for children under the age of two will have a negative affect on speech development. This is one reason the American Academy of Pediatrics does not endorse screen images for infants. Your baby’s brain has circuits in the audi-tory cortex representing sounds that form words. They become hard wired by the age of one year. Research strongly suggests the more words a child hears by the age of two years, the larger his vocabulary. However, the method by which words are transferred is as important as the words themselves. During these early ages, nothing beats the human factor and the two-way communication that comes from hearing Mom and Dad’s voice.

Nature has a keen way of tutoring parents. Observe the gardener with his plants. He does not create the

bloom, or the petal, or the stem that pro-duces the petal. He cannot grow the plant or make it more beautiful. He is neither its creator nor its architect. The power of life and beauty lies within the plant itself. The gardener however, knows the environment. He knows the right amount of sunshine and moisture required for the unfolding of every blossom. He knows the time of pruning, training, and fertilizing that is necessary to bring the plant to a beautiful bloom. Yet the gardener is neither the life of the plant nor the source, but he is the nurturer of the life placed before him.

Picture your baby’s life unfolding like a beautiful bloom. You, the parent, serve as the bloom’s keeper. No other influence can affect the life of your child quite like you — a loving, caring parent. You are more than a nurturer of nature; you are the guardian. You matter greatly in the life-formation of your child. This leads us to observe the real work of parents as loving mentors.

We know that your emerging pretoddler has his own peculiar way. He will think in the here and now, with no tomorrow in sight. He is not easily moved to self-restraint nor

does he seek to secure some future blessings. “A penny saved is a penny earned” is quite beyond his grasp and interest. And all his nursery peers would agree that crying over spilled milk is essential if you’re really thirsty — you’ll get more milk faster that way!

As your pretoddler transitions into the early stages of toddlerhood, he will first be concerned with the concrete, not the abstract. Moral qualities such as jus-tice, mercy, and truth are quite beyond his reach, but he does understand these qualities when expressed toward him. His actions and developing speech reflect his self-oriented desires rather than socialized values that will change in a few years.

Clearly the adult life, while distinct from childhood and adolescence, is wholly built upon the foundation of early training par-ents put into their children. It is important to see that a child is adequately prepared from the beginning for a safe arrival in the many stations of life, starting with understanding all the components that make up the little soon-to-be crawling person emerging under your roof.

What goes into making your baby a person? Apart from the spiritual elements reflecting the Creator’s thumbprint on your baby’s soul, there are a variety of biologi-

Appendix Bo

What Makes Your Baby A Person


cal influences, including things you cannot control, such as heredity, temperament, and predispositions, and those influences shaped by your beliefs including nurture, environ-ment, education, values, and goals.

There is also the natural order of growth and development of children bringing new and changing variables into play. As the baby’s body grows, so grows his mind, and so grows his interplay with the rest of humanity. These factors combined make up the human quality of our being.

To prepare you for what awaits just around the developmental corner, consider the influence of heredity, environment and the factors shaping your child’s personality.

Your Baby’s Life is Controlled by HEPLittle Joey swings a stick and suddenly

his parents have determined he will be a College All-Star twenty years down the road. Abby twists a silk scarf around her neck and suddenly she’s destined to be a fashion designer following in her momma’s footsteps. Far fetched? Not really. We are all influenced by the forces of heredity, environ-ment, and personality. Nineteenth century Dartmouth College professor, H. H. Horne in his book Idealism in Education, links these relationships in plain words:

1. Heredity bestows capacity2. Environment provides opportunity3. Personality recognizes capacity and improves opportunity

Each of these forces combine together to shape all of us — you, me, and your sweet-heart napping in the next room. The same Professor Horne is credited with saying, “A child is born in part, he is made in part, and

in part he makes himself.” We believe that is an accurate assessment of life. Heredity, it has been said, determines what your child can do, and environment determines what your child will do. Supervising all three aspects are the caretakers of life — enter stage right, Mom and Dad.

HeredityAfter conception, nothing can be done

to add to or subtract from our hereditary endowment. If Grandpa’s left ear turns out along the back edge, just like your mother’s left ear which looks amazingly like your own, guess what? Don’t be surprised if one or more of your own beautiful blooms sports the telltale “Grandpa ear”. Other traits, while not visible to the eye, are doled out with equal clarity. Is there a trait in your pretod-dler that you do not like? Take a look at the family photos hanging in the hallway. Do you see the relative that’s smirking? He’s probably the one to blame.

A child inherits one-half of his genetic self from his two parents, one fourth of his characteristics from the four grandparents, and one-eighth of his biological distinctive-ness from eight great-grandparents. Heredity passes to each generation two categories of traits — fixed and fluid. Fixed genetic traits are immune to nurturing influences. Fluid tendencies however, are greatly impacted by the nurturing process.

For example, outward distinctions such as red hair, green eyes, short arms, big ears, cute nose, and dimpled chins are fixed endowments. They are what they are, straight from the genetic cabbage patch. Have you ever wondered where that nose came from? Nothing in genetic sight among the parents? “Your baby got that from Uncle Fabio, on

APPENDIX B 105

your mother’s side,” says Aunt Regina. A hid-den surprise from the family tree.

Heredity also passes fluid endowments. These are propensities, tendencies, and capacities. Intelligence potential, aptitudes and special levels of giftedness are all fluid, meaning this side of the hereditary equa-tion is markedly influenced by the nurturing environment. That is why heredity deter-mines what a child can do, and the environ-ment determines what a child will do.

We have friends endowed with the gift and talent for music. Mom and Dad each play a combination of instruments includ-ing harp, piano, trumpet, guitar, flute, trom-bone, French horn, and the oboe. What did their children inherit? It was not their par-ent’s knowledge of music, but an ear, apti-tude, capacity and interest in music. Natural propensities spawned in the right environ-ment produced, in this case, multi-talented musical children. But the genetic endow-ment was nurtured. Without the nurturing environment, the beautiful seeds of endow-ment, like the frozen pods in the tundra, lie dormant until the conditions are right to bloom. Unfortunately, human environments are less predictable than seasonal ones.

What does this mean for you and your baby? If the nurturing environment is to stimulate genetic potentials and maximize those potentials, it needs three things from Mom and Dad.

First, you need awareness. In the Ezzo family line, Gary’s father was a talented musi-cian. He played a number of string instru-ments and the piano with pep. Of three sons, only one inherited the father’s musical talent. Gary was not the one. In the next generation when Gary and his wife Anne Marie were

raising their children, they knew there was a possibility for some musical giftedness. But possibility does not equate to certainty, and it was soon realized that no great musical genetic endowment fell on their offspring.

The point here is that of awareness. The Ezzos knew of a genetic propensity for musi-cal ability. Because of it, they created a nur-turing environment to determine if any gene slipped through the family line, and then responded to the opportunity by introduc-ing formalized music lessons in their chil-dren’s primary years.

What is in your family tree? Go back two generations, to parents and grandparents, and write up a list of endowment possibili-ties. Talk to relatives, great-aunts and uncles, and older cousins. Was Grandpa highly inventive? Was Mom an artisan of quilts? Was there an uncle gifted in mathematics, or a sister endowed with a massive vocabulary and a creative mind? Become aware of the genetic endowments of your recent family lineage. Maybe you’ll find a squirrel in your family tree which will finally account for Billy’s need to store up every scrap of paper, every piece of ribbon, and every pebble he ever touched.

Second, you can maximize your baby’s genetic potential when you parent the “whole child” rather than just a single trait. Hurray for you if your child is a budding Rembrandt, Mozart, Galileo or Edison, but can he entertain himself when playing by himself? Can he get along with other chil-dren? Can your little star kick a ball and gently spend time with baby sister? Don’t err like Schroeder’s mom did. Schroeder is the Peanuts character that spent his entire cartoon life hunched over a piano compos-


ing music and sucking his thumb.While any unfavorable parent attitude

can result in unhealthy outcomes, that which has the most damaging and far-reach-ing effect is the concept of the dream child. Parents create a genetic ideal and force the child into a very narrow category of interest. As a result, the emotional pressure to attain ‘dream-child’ status, mixed with the lack of normal childhood experiences hinders, if not wounds, genetic potential.

Third, no wonderful gift of hereditary endowment can be matured if not sur-rounded by the basic disciplines of life. Writing the latest, greatest American novel will be impossible if your would-be author never develops the focus needed for read-ing. Piano practice becomes a battle if your child never learned to sit and concentrate. Yes, there’s that playpen thing again and the derived benefits of sitting, focusing, and concentrating.

The basic point here is this: A child can-not learn until he is ready to learn, nor can he achieve until his biological clock says it’s time. He cannot master any skill without the accompanying resources of self-control and self-governance. This means that regardless of what giftedness or talent your child pos-sesses, or what wonderful genetic endow-ment he may have inherited, it needs to be nurtured in the total context of childhood and childhood training. If it is not, that gift-edness, while possibly discovered, will even-tually reach a plateau in learning and show little improvement from that time forward.

Remember the gardener analogy? Good seeds planted in poor soil will result in stunted plants. So it is with children. That leads to some thoughts relating to a child’s learning environment.

Environment With both heredity and environment,

children are recipients. Regarding the envi-ronment, the home has dominant control. Mom and Dad provide the environment for the most impressionable years of life. The difficulty, if not the downfall of laissez-faire parenting is not realizing how education shapes the habits of the heart, and in so doing, weds genetic propensities with right stimulation. The positive forces of heredity do not always find a healthy and nourish-ing environment. When good capacity is denied the right environment, the legacy is at best less than a child’s full potential, and at worst, a generational disaster. What can a parent glean from this fact? One supreme thought — the beliefs that drive your deci-sions and the parenting assumptions you hold dear, can and will affect generations to come. That is another way of saying: Begin as you mean to go.

PersonalityEnergetic Noah does everything big.

He’ll march into a room, all smiles, and give Grandma a great big hug. Hopping to the room’s center, he delights his eager audience with an impromptu performance. Finally, in grand finale, he drops to the floor to roll himself out the door. When Mom calls him to sit beside her, he cries, and staying true to the end, his distress and resistance is huge. Is his high-flying, crash-and-burn style a sign of a testy temperament, or are we now in the personality zone? What’s the difference anyway?

Let’s take a look. Few words used in con-temporary theory of child development are as ambiguous as the term ‘personality’. The term suggests a variety of meanings to dif-

APPENDIX B 107

ferent theorist. We have all heard the expres-sion, “he’s a chip off the old block,” implying that personality is inherited and not subject to change. Not so on either account.

We provide a very simple definition for the sake of continuity. Personality is a composite of three variables: heredity, envi-ronment, and temperament. Temperament (inborn into human personality) speaks to the general categories of uniqueness, which greatly influence a child’s perceptions and reactions. You can distinguish between a child’s temperament and his personality by saying that temperament traits are inborn while personality traits are the result of nature and nurture. Heredity is what your genetic history brings to personality, envi-ronment is what the home and society add, and temperament is the child’s contribution.

If that sounds confusing then take relief with this bit of news. Your child’s personality is the last thing you need to worry about. That’s because personality is the sum of each influence shaping the formation of our being. It is not one definite, specific attribute; rather it is the quality of the indi-vidual’s total behavior. You cannot change the whole without changing the parts, and some parts cannot be changed.

For example, you cannot change your child’s temperament anymore than a leopard can change its spots. You can understand it and cooperate with it, but not alter it. You cannot alter the hereditary influences on your children, but you can minimize the negative propensities, strengthen areas of weakness, encourage areas of strength, and maximize areas of giftedness.

The only area you have enormous influ-ence over in the formation of personality is in creating the right educational environ-

ment for your baby. Education impacts per-sonality. The learning environment fostered will make all the difference in the world for your baby, early pretoddler and soon to be toddler.

When we speak of education we do so in the broadest sense. This goes way beyond textbook learning. Learning and schooling are not synonymous, but both are vehicles of education. Most of your parenting will be devoted to educating your children in three vital areas of life until they achieve mastery themselves: morality, health and safety, and life skills.

Your child’s personality is greatly shaped by your educational fervency. For example, in the toddler years you will begin to teach how to be kind, good, caring, patient, gen-erous, and responsible. You will also help him form healthy habits — how to brush his teeth, take a bath, and manage his personal care. Accenting these educational goals is more education, such as teaching the child how to think, how to make sound judg-ments, and apply logic and reason to his life.

The next major phase of your baby’s development expands on all factors of learn-ing that place you, Mom and Dad, in the driver’s seat. The good news is how far you have come already. Before you know it, The Babyhood Transition phase will soon pass but the foundations laid with feeding, waketime activities and healthy sleep habits, will travel with your baby into the next major mile-stone of life: the walking, talking, exploring mobile pretoddler and toddler.

Achievement Levels . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 88

Baby Equipment . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 88

Baby Food

Basics . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 30

Making Your Own. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 45

Babyhood Phases . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16

Baby Proofing. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 90

Babysitters . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 94

Baby Schedule Samples . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .23-25

Baby Teeth . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 92

Baby Videos . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .93-94

Baby Walkers . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 90

Blanket-Time . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 48

Bumbo Seat . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 88

Boundary Setting . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 90

Catnaps . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 22, 24

Church Nurseries. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 94

Correction, Types of. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .77-80

Crib, Standing in . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 85

Cry, Unexplainable . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 84

Dental Care . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 92

Developmental Deprivation. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 47

Dream Feed . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 27

Encouragement, giving . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .65-66

ExerSaucer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 90

Factors of Growth

Vertical Development . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16

Horizontal Development. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 17

Factors of Learning

Academic Learning . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 18

Indexo


Moral Development. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 18

Skills Development . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 17

Family Activities . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 49

Fatigued Baby . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 82

Feed-Wake-Sleep Merges. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .21-25

Finger Foods . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 57

First-Last Principle. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 22

Five Food Groups . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .30-31

Food, Allergic Reactions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 40

Food Stages . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 40

Hands and the Highchair . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 46

Heredity . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 104

Highchair Challenges. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 57, 78

Johnning Jumper . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 90

Immunizations . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 95

Infant Swing. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 89

Instruction, giving . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 63

Introducing Solid Foods . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 30, 39

Allergic Reaction . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 40

Cereal. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 41

Vegetables . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 43

Finger foods. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 57

Fruits . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 44

Juices . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 45

Meats . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .44-45

Snacks . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 59

Signs of Readiness . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .28-29

Language Development . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 101-102

Learning Opportunities . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 48

Learning Deprivation. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 47

Managing Your Baby’s Routine . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 20

Merge Principle . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 21

Mid-Transitions Questions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .26-29

Microwave and the Bottle . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 95

INDEX 111

Mozart Effect and Brain Development . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 95

Naps. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 85-87

Dropping Late Afternoon Nap . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 81

Nighttime Sleep . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 26-27, 83, 85-87

Pacifier . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 83

Personality . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 106

Pincer Reflex . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 58

Picky Eater . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 59

Playpen . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 49, 96

Play, Structured . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 48

Prayer, the importance of . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 32

Racking Reflex . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 57

Sippy Cups . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 31

Sickness . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 95

Sign Language for Baby . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .66-71

Sleep and Learning . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 98

Sleep Props . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 83

Sleep Challenges (Q & A) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .85-87

Sleep Transitions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 81

Snacks . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 59

Speaking Baby’s Name. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 65

Speaking Life . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 64

Spanking . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 80

Starting Solid Foods. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 28, 39

Stool, Changes in. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 58

Teething . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 92

Timer and Playpen. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 98

Training, defined . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 62

Training, Mealtime. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .39-46

Traveling with Baby . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 86

Verbal Instruction, Importance of, . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 63


Videos for Infants. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .93-94

Vocabulary Development. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 64

Waketime Activities and Naps. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 27

Walking Milestone. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 99

Weaning. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 60

Documents

Books in This Seriesstudio7designworks.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/Babyhood-Tra… · Books in This Series Preparation for Parenting The Babyhood Transitions Preparation for the