Building Self Confidence

Carla Brodley

Tufts University

CRA-W Grad Cohort Workshop

April 2011

1

Academic History

• Started graduate school, UMASS…………….Fall 1988• Ph.D. awarded………………………………….Aug 1994• Started as Assistant Professor, Purdue….….Nov 1994• Promoted to Assoc. Prof. w/ tenure ………Spring 2000• Started as a Full Professor, Tufts ..………..…Fall 2004• Department Chair, Tufts……………………….Fall 2010

Confidence-Level History

Progress through my PhD

First exam ina grad course

After 1 semester with my 1st advisor

1st paperaccepted

2nd 3rd paperswere rejected

First journalacceptance

Joining newresearch group

Admitted tograd school

Failing my theory comp

How self confident are you?

• Do what you believe to be right, even if criticized for it

• Willing to take risks• Admit your mistakes and learn

from them• Wait for others to congratulate

you• Accept compliments

graciously. “Thanks, I really worked hard on that paper.”

• Govern your behavior based on what others think

• Stay in your comfort zone• Work hard to cover up your

mistakes• Extol your virtues as often and

to as many as possible• Dismiss compliments

offhandedly. “Oh that paper was nothing really, anyone could have done it.”

High Self Confidence Low Self Confidence

Take this online quiz

• How self confident are you ?

http://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newTCS_84.htm http://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newTCS_84.htm

The imposter syndrome

• Regardless of success achieved or proof of competence, you are sometimes convinced that you do not deserve it – Proof is dismissed as luck, timing, or a result

of deceiving others– Common among successful women and

typically associated with academics – Widely found among graduate students and

first generation college students

Research on self-confidence and performance w.r.t. to stereotypes

• Stereotype threat and intellectual performance– Two tests of Sophmores who think they are good

at math using the GRE questions• Exp. 1: subjects were told that males do better than

females• Exp. 2: subjects were told that there is no gender

difference in performance

– Result: Females performance equal to male in Exp. 2 but significantly worse in Exp. 1

(Claude Steele, American Psychologist, 1997)

Balancing self confidence

• Under-confident: you’ll avoid taking risks and stretching yourself – you might not even try at all

• Over-confident: you may take on too much risk, stretch yourself beyond your capabilities and fail

The good news is that self confidence can be learned and built on.

Stories from my female students

• “Is this really worth doing?”– Paper rejection in the face of intellectually

understanding low accept rates• “I don’t understand, but everyone else does”

– Attending your first conference• “My math is not as good as everyone else’s”

– In comparing oneself to ECE students

Stories from my female students• Low-confidence moments

– “Taking your class. I was sure you would fire me despite your reassurances”

– Paper rejection

• Turning points:

– First summer when I delved into research and had results

– Realizing my strengths – better than average writer

• Advice:

– They let me in for a reason

– What are my contributions to the group – I may not be the smartest, but I can do X, Y, Z

Stories from my female students• Low-confidence moments

– First paper rejection– Taking computer architecture, prof and projects – Being stuck in my research

• Coping strategies:– Knowing that females struggle with confidence, that I am

not the only one feeling this way and probably deserve more credit than I am giving myself

– Not dwelling on what I am not good at – just do the best I can do

– Having a mentor that give sensible advice and supportive peers

Stories from my female students• Low-confidence moments

– Paper rejection/grants rejected– Going on sabbatical at lab Top-ranked University X

with Super-duper-smart Prof Y• Coping mechanism:

– Papers do get accepted eventually/same with grants– There will always be people smarter than I. All I can

do is my best. And Super-duper-smart Prof Y wanted to work with me

10 TIPS FOR BUILDING SELF CONFIDENCE

#1: Admit the problem

• Take stock of where you are, think about where you want to go, and recommit yourself to getting there.

• Remember that no one is perfect. Even the most confident people have insecurities.

• Accept that life is full of bumps down the road and have faith that things will be better tomorrow.

#2: Find support

• Find someone safe you can talk frankly to– Make sure they are people you trust and who

won’t judge you in the future based on your current state of self confidence

• Surround yourself with nurturing friends. Watch out for those who lower the confidence of others to compensate for their own confidence issues

• Be sure to be there to support others when they need it

#3: Establish reachable goals

• Make a list of things that will get you moving towards your PhD goals

• Identify the first small step needed to accomplish each item on the list and have a plan for making that first step– For that rejected paper, let the review “age”

for a short while. Then, ask yourself what was good about the paper and what needs improved. Develop a plan for revisions and resubmission.

#4: Recognize your successes

• Try to avoid fixating on your failures

• Make a list of your recent successes, then read the list (out loud if necessary) back to yourself– Think about your strengths and what you’ve

achieved so far. Give yourself permission to take pride in those achievements

– Be realistic, but don’t leave it blank

#5: Take a break

• Take some time off to refresh, reflect, and enjoy– Find time to exercise regularly – go for a run,

hike, swim, …– Have a nice meal with friends/loved ones– Go shopping – buy that pair of shoes you’ve

been wanting, that tennis racket, …– Splurge for wash-dry-fold….

#6: Beware of the “triple low”

1. Your experimental results don’t support that hypothesis you were so hyped about; your paper was just rejected; …

2. You just saw that man you have such a crush on with another woman; you and your partner had a slamming-door fight this morning; …

3. You forgot your sister’s birthday yesterday because of a class project deadline….

#7: Fake it till you make it

• Speak slowly and clearly– A person who thinks they aren’t worth listening

to will often speak quickly and/or softly• Stand tall

– Don’t slouch, don’t walk around with your head held low

• Accept greetings and complements gracefully– When asked how you are doing, say with

enthusiasm “Just great.” Don’t roll your eyes, groan, and say “I’m just swamped.”

#8: Be extra prepared

• Go the extra mile to be prepared– Study hard for that exam– Spend more time in the lab running those

additional experiments– Prepare a few slides for the next group

meeting– Write, rewrite, rewrite that paper– Practice that talk again and again – in front of

friends and not-so-friends• Just beware of perfectionism (or you will never

finish)

#9: Take a risk a day

• Challenge yourself everyday– Don’t be afraid to push yourself, a little bit of

pressure is good for you• Make it a habit

#10: Stick to your principles

• Know your principles– Live the Golden Rule– Live your passion– Pay it forward

• Then actually live them

• If you don’t have something you believe in, you don’t have anything.

Self confident language

• I think this might be the correct algorithm• I have an idea what the correct algorithm might be• I have an idea about the correct algorithm• This is the correct algorithm, let me show you• This is the correct algorithm

In closing … Believe in yourself

No one will believe in you until you believe in yourself

Think about what is important to you and where you want to go … and then go for it !

And, smile often

Credits

• CRA-Women (especially Carole-Jean Wu, Esin Saka, Maria Klawe, Mary Jane Irwin) presenters at previous grad cohort workshops

• My wonderful advisor, Paul Utgoff, and my female graduate students

• Various web sites– wikiHow: How to Build Self Confidence

http://www.wikihow.com/Build-Self-Confidence – MindTools: Building Self-Confidence

http://www.mindtools.com/selfconf.html – 25 Killer Actions to Boost Your Self-Confidence

http://zenhabits.net/2007/12/25-killer-actions-to-boost-your-self-confidence/