C h i l d Ca re W o r k e r s : T h e H u m a n R e s p o n s e

A. William France* Rich Kay

L u t h e r Child Care Center Everett , Washington

Sheila, 14, had been in residence a year when she got pregnant. Af- ter several counseling sessions and staff consultations, she had an abortion. In addition to being prepared for working with Sheila's grief, depression, and physical concerns, staff members were also apprised of her history which, in particular, revealed that she carried with her many distorted family admonitions to get married and have children. She returned from the abortion clinic feeling relieved and healthy. Within five minutes, she was confronted from across the crowded co- ed living room by another 14-year old girl, Angie, who yelled, "You slut. You killed your baby and you slep with every man between here and Port land."

Sheila paled quietly. A few minutes later she went to change a re- cord and, in passing Angie, said, "Be quiet, I don ' t have to listen to that ."

As I discussed the incident with several distressed child care work- ers, I noticed a copy of Journey to Ixtlan (Castanada, 1972) on the table and read part of the introduction. Don Juan discusses a strategy for stopping the incorrigible behavior of a 9-year old boy. Proposing his unique form of reality therapy, Don Juan recommends that the boy's father hire an outsider (an ugly derelict) to scare and spank the boy on a cue from the father. After this has been done, the father is free to be supportive and nurturing, to help the boy regain his confi- dence. Don Juan emphasizes that harping, abusive, authoritarian par- ents are damaging to their children but that fear is not.

Obviously there had been no staff cues to Angie, but she seemed very much like the ugly derelict in Don Juan's version of reality ther-

*Requests for reprints should be sent to A. William France, P.O. Box 2097, Everett, Washington 98203.

Child Care Quarterly VoL 5(1), Spring 1976 27

28 Child Care Quarterly

apy. And the child care workers were very m u c h like the loving fa ther who was freed to be whol ly suppor t ive and to help the child gain self- conf idence .

Poet ry , novels, and phi losophical l i terature n o t direct ly related to child care work of ten reveal more and mot ivate the whole responding person more than does clinical l i terature and ye t are of ten ignored or minimized in pract ice and academics. This seems part icular ly relevant during a per iod of (a) radically changing social values and personal experience and (b) g rowth in professional status. Sheila's case offers one example of the insight provided by current , significant, and wide- ly read li terature. As ye t ano ther example, the fol lowing ext rac t alerts us to wha t Pfeiffer (1969)* refers to as the "evo lu t ion which sweeps us a long" :

Survival in this kind of world [prehistoric] favored rapid learning and, even more to the point, once-and-for-all learning, the formation of relatively fixed actions and attitudes. It was a steady-state, predictable world, the sort we yearn for in our weaker and more nostalgic moments. Time and life had a monolithic quality. Expectations were high that everything would endure in its present form however, that the future would continue to for- ever be very like the past. In .other words, what the infant learned fast and early would in all probability serve it admirably for the rest of its life.

Ours is a different world, with the wilderness gone. Even danger is not what it used to be and instead of predators we face diseases that tend to develop slowly and strike late in life, a kind of violence which is as unique- ly human as mercy or tolerance, and the enduring insecurity of change it- self. The emphasis must be increasingly on flexibility. The mark of the new evolution which sweeps us along is that unlearning and learning anew have already become as important to survival as learning used to be. What man knows is far less important than his capacity for modifying or discarding what he thinks he knows. (pp. 390-391)

Child-Adult A t t a c h m e n t s

Child care workers cont inua l ly deal with their mutua l negative and positive a t t achmen t s with the children, as seen in f requen t quest ions such as "What should I do when a child refers to me as m o m or d a d ? " " H o w do I handle personal a t t a chmen t s to the kids in res idence?" " H o w can I help a child te rminate f r o m residence (how can I deal with m y own feelings when a child is terminat ing)? . . . . What can I do when I have worked with a b o y for 6 mon ths and then, when he

*Excerpted from Emergence of Man by John E. Pfeiffer, copyright 1969 by Harper & Row, Inc., and reprinted with their permission.

A. William France and Rich Kay 29

leaves, I don ' t hear any th ing? . . . . How can I w o r k with kids every day and no t impose m y values?"

Much clinical material discusses our own impac t ( t ransference or counter t ransference , ident i f icat ion); Bet telheim's (1966) classic arti- cle on training child care workers is an excel lent example. The Proph- et (Gilbran, 1923),* in responding to a m o t h e r holding an infant , po- etically describes his vision of the parent-chi ld relat ionship:

And though they [the children] are with you yet they belong not to you.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are set forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and fast.

Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness.

For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable. (pp. 17-18)

Similarly, child care workers f requen t ly ques t ion how to create re- lat ionships with their d is turbed charges. One ques t ion o f ten heard is, " H o w should I relate to a child who goes into a t emper t a n t r u m right after we have an int imate, positive i n t e r ac t ion?" On the o the r hand, child care workers of ten ask h o w to deal with a child who is clinging, hugging, kissing, and showing o ther positive a t t achmen t s to the po in t of being an annoyance .

Clinically, Ake rman (1964) details vividly the hazards in the over- use or p remature use of love in the rapy , par t icular ly of abused chil- dren, and fur ther describes the h o w and why of preparing a child to accept love. In The L i t t l e Pr ince (Saint-Exupery, 1943) ,** tile fox de- scribes the how, the why, and the significance o f " t aming . " The little prince asks the fox :

"What does that mean--'tame'?" "It is an act too often neglected," said the fox. "It means to establish

ties." "To establish ties?" "Just that," said the fox. "To me, you are still nothing more than a lit-

tle boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you, I am

*Excerpted from The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran, copyright 1923, by Alfred A. Knopf, Inc., and reprinted with their permission.

**Excerpted from The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupery, copyright 1943, 1971, by Harcourt Brace Javanovich, Inc., and reprinted with their permis- sion.

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nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world . . . . "

"My life is very monotonous," he said. "I hunt chickens; men hunt me. All the chickens are just alike, and all the men are just alike. And in conse- quence, I am a little bored. But if you tame me, it will be as if the sun came to shine on my life. I shall know the sound of a step that will be dif- ferent from all the others. Other steps send me hurrying back underneath the ground. Yours will call me, like music, out of my burrow. And then look: You see the grain-fields down yonder? I do not eat bread. Wheat is of no use to me. The wheat fields have nothing to say to me. And that is sad. But you have hair that is the color of gold. Think how wonderful that will be when you have tamed me! The grain, which is also golden, will bring me back the thought of you. And I shall love to listen to the wind in the wheat . . . . "

The fox gazed at the little prince, for a long time. "Please--tame me !" he said. "I want to, very much," the little prince replied. "But I have not much

time. I have friends to discover, and a great many things to understand." "One only understands the things that one tames," said the fox. "Men

have no more time to understand anything. They buy things all ready made at the shops. But there is no shop anywhere where one can buy friendship, and so men have no friends any more."

"What must I do, to tame you?" asked the little prince. "You must be very patient," replied the fox. "First you will sit down at

a little distance from me--like that--in the grass. I shall look at you out of the corner of my eye, and you will say nothing. Words are the source of misunderstandings. But you will sit a little closer to me, every day . . . . "

The next day the little prince came back. "It would have been better to come back at the same hour," said the fox. "If, for example, you came at four o'clock in the afternoon, then at

three o'clock I shall begin to be happy. I shall feel happier and happier as the hour advances. At four o'clock, I shall already be worrying and jump- ing about.

"I shall show you how happy I am! But if you come at just any time, I shall never know at what hour my heart is to be ready to greet you . . . . One must observe the proper rites . . . . "

"What is a rite?" asked the little prince. "Those also are actions too often neglected," said the fox. "They are

what make one day different from other days, one hour from other hours. There is a rite, for example, among the hunters. Every Thursday they dance with the village girls. So Thursday is a wonderful day for me! I can take a walk as far as the vineyards. But if the hunters danced at just any time, every day would be like every other day, and I should never have any vaca- tion at all." (pp. 66-68)

C o m i n g o n S t r o n g a n d C h i l d r e n ' s R e s p o n s i b i l i t y

A n o t h e r se t o f s i t u a t i o n s o r b i t s a r o u n d the i n e v i t a b l e aggressive e l e m e n t s o f t he r e l a t i o n s h i p b e t w e e n the ch i ld care w o r k e r a n d chi ld .

A. William France and Rich Kay 31

These e l e m e n t s su r face in a l m o s t all areas o f g r o u p living: R o u t i n e s such as meals , b e d t i m e s , a nd s c h o o l runs ; ac t iv i t ies such as ou t ings , g y m t ime , and c h o o s i n g T V p r o g r a m s ; a n d o n e - t o - o n e and g r o u p in- t e r ac t ions . A b u n d a n t cl inical l i t e ra tu re , as well as s t a f f d i scuss ion , o v e r f l o w wi th b e h a v i o r m a n a g e m e n t t e c h n i q u e s , as well as t e s t e d un- de r s t and ings o f t hose behaviors .

Rad ica l t e a c h e r - p h i l o s o p h e r S t e p h e n Gask ins ( 1 9 7 1 ) r e s p o n d e d t o these k inds o f q u e s t i o n s in his M o n d a y N i g h t Class. F o r t he sake o f c o n t i n u i t y , t he f o l l o w i n g e x c e r p t also re la tes t o q u e s t i o n s s u c h as " H o w m u c h r e spons ib i l i t y and f r e e d o m s h o u l d t he ch i ld ren have in d e t e r m i n i n g p r o g r a m s ? "

(Q) Question is about me starting a school of children . . . . Yeah, I 'm quite interested in something like that. What I had in mind is like a school where the teachers believe in v ibes . . , you know, so the kids will be held respon- sible for all of the planes they're operable on, because all these beatnik kids and acid babies are telepathic, and they'll turn into terrible rip-offs if you don't teach 'em . . . .

(Q) If your baby doesn't want anything to do with y o u . . , one of you's on an ego trip, you or the b a b y . . , and so that's what you got to find out. You know, I can't tell you that from here. But you got to sort that out, be- cause if a baby has been distracted, or if a baby learns it doesn't have to pay attention to anybody, then it won't. You know, like you c a n . . . Hey, Robbie. Cool it, get out from behind there. Go o n . . . all you kids. Go over there. Don't sit right behind me and raise hell like that, 'cause it's not fair to the other people--i t rips o f f the attention so that nobody can pay atten- tion to what's going on. Right? Thing is, if you're gonna learn how to deal with kids you got to learn how to come on strong without a bad vibe. Don't think that you have to come on nasty, but you might have to come on s t r o n g . . , you might have to roar like a l i o n . . , you know. So you're gonna have to learn how to roar like a lion without any bad vibes in i t . . . without any anger in it, without any guilt in it, without any blame in i t . . . just a little juice, kid, to attract your attention. Like that. Any questions about that?

(Q) Because of the question of responsibility. Responsibility means ability to respond--like a child can grab off a larger chunk of free will than he is physically capable of being responsible for. That means that a parent is re- sponsible for the child's karma. The thing about the responsiblity of the kid is like the thing about the cat again, you can let go of a cat and it'll land on its feet, but you can throw a cat so hard that it can't land on its f e e t . . , and then it's not "its" cat anymore, it's "your" cat. See? Well, the same thing in reverse direction for a kid---you don't give a kid the chance to decide whether he wants to drink rat poison or not. You see, a kid has free will, and he can decide whether he wants to drink a bottle of rat poi- son or not; but you don't give him any free will on that point because he hasn't got any better sense than to drink it. You dig? And it's that way with a whole lot of things about k i d s . . , like the rat poison's a heavy trip,

32 Child Care Quarterly

you know, 'cause that 's just to shock your head a taste about how heavy it is. But, you know, like all the way across the b o a r d . . , if a kid gets to where he can't pay attention to you, because you've lost his at tent ion, then his attention's just wandering, and out in the universe, and will fasten on any piece of wandering stuff that goes b y . . . you know, and then it 's off to the races, on a random program on his life style.

The idea is that you want the kid to know which is up. If you stay in a one-to-one truth contact with a kid, by telling him honestly what it is that he is doing, and how it is that it affects you, honestly, all the time, then when he's fifteen or sixteen years old he's not a stranger, he's still your friend, he knows what 's happening, you ' re probably getting high together. • . . That means you ' re gonna have to point which way is up, and keep pointin' that way until he catches on. (no page numbers)

C h i l d Care W o r k e r s , Kids , a n d P a r e n t s

O v e r a n d ove r , c h i l d ca re w o r k e r s w a t c h a n d h e l p c h i l d r e n d e a l w i t h r e j e c t i o n s f r o m t h e i r p a r e n t s : W h a t t o d o w h e n p a r e n t s wi l l n o t c o o p e r a t e w i t h t h e t r e a t m e n t p r o g r a m , o r wi l l n o t t a k e a p h o n e ca l l f r o m t h e ch i l d , o r d o n o t s h o w u p f o r vis i ts , o r c a n c e l h o m e l eaves? Cl in ica l l i t e r a t u r e o f t e n f o c u s e s on w o r k i n g w i t h p a r e n t s o f d i s t u r b e d c h i l d r e n a n d r e c o g n i z i n g c h i l d r e n ' s a d a p t i v e p a t t e r n s t o d i s t u r b e d par - e n t s ( M a n d e l b a u m , 1 9 6 2 ) .

R i c h K a y ( o n e o f t h e a u t h o r s o f th i s p a p e r a n d a c h i l d ca re w o r k e r ) r e c r e a t e s b e l o w t h e p a i n t h e c h i l d ca r e w o r k e r s sha re w i t h r e j e c t e d c h i l d r e n .

It was Friday afternoon, we sat amidst the clutter of the east wing office, me, at the desk, and Woody, scrunched into the chair across from me. I threw something out, but Woody was not taking. He just sat, somewhere inside himself, his one leg pulled underneath him, the other hanging loose- ly down. Woody looked like a week's dirty laundry. His pants were baggy, his shirttail was out, the laces on his loggers were untied, and the coat he was wearing had the zipper half torn off it. Not what I considered par for our resident blade.

Still holding his shapeless pose, Woody asked, "Can I call my Dad to see if he's coming?" And I remember something clicked inside my head there, rolling my mind's eye back to the school run, and Woody sounding so far away. I thought it just could be that Woody's been long distance all day. You see, on Friday's some of the boys make weekend trips home.

So I said "O.K. Woody" and reached to my wallet for that invaluable, but not yet memorized Q card number. I dialed an outside line and then the operator, handed Woody the card and the phone, and then sat back down facing him, in a position where I could also see past the door to the TV room. We waited.

The boys were back from school now, and without so much as a word, mother tube, the mechanized Madonna, had them all to her belly for their

A. William France and Rich Kay 33

afternoon meal of "Speed Racer," an animated cuisine that brought a very welcome half hour of peace and tranquility.

Back in the office, receiver to his ear, and with orange slice (after-school) treats) in his hand, Woody gazed absently about. The phone cracked at the other end, his reply came back "yes ma'm." I imagined a busy signal be- cause he hung on. He squeezed his orange a bit, the juice ran down around the skin and soaked into his pant leg; he was oblivious.

The silence seemed to freeze everything around me. I watched him in- tently, his face like a fawn's with smooth skin and big lashes but with small features. He mouthed his orange once, maybe twice, then let his arm fall back. I was really in love. He was amazing.

I was just starting to think about Friday when the connection was made. There was a voice on the line, then Woody spoke back. Holding my breath, I heard more conversation. I was looking for some kind of sign when I felt this thing way off in the distance. Woody shifted his weight, I shifted mine. I felt tremors but waited, they were still talking. Woody held the orange slice tighter, this whole thing was growing. His voice Clutched-up on some words. The wedge began to bleed more, soaking his pant leg. The tremors grew. His eyes pinched and made the room blur. His hand pinched the wedge and they together came undone.

Now hard to control His coming apart Out through his hands Out through his heart You harden your grip God, don't let it slip Teeth down on his lip the fawn's face ripped. Sitting, looking on with blood in my ears. Sitting looking on at the tears. What to do, you on the sight of a wreck cars pulling over people stretching their necks wanting to see more and more you had to be first on the scene What happened? What happened? Down the ravine bodies and blood . . . . Down goes the phone now at the door arm cocked back don'tcha worry no more With hands held up high the explosion would fly

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crack like a whip tearing bit by bit the feeling inside.

"Well that 's Friday, that 's what it was, even as far back as the school run, it 's over, at least for now, but there'll be more Friday's. I guess I 'm just beginning to see."

I sat there a while longer, staring out past the door and across the room. Lying on the floor by the wall lay the orange slice.

S u m m a r y

O f t e n , in w o r k i n g w i t h c h i l d r e n , t h e c r u n c h , r e s o l v e , a n d c o n t i n u - a n c e o f h u m a n r e l a t i o n s h i p s t r a n s c e n d s t h e a v e r a g e c l i n i c a l u n d e r - s t a n d i n g a n d a p p e a l s t o t h e c r e a t i v e s ens i t i v i t i e s t h a t g u i d e a n d m o t i - va t e us. T h e s e s ens i t i v i t i e s d i s t i n g u i s h t h e s u c c e s s f u l c h i l d ca r e w o r k - ers a n d t h e i r a g e n c i e s f r o m t h e n o t so s u c c e s s f u l even m o r e t h a n d o s p e c i f i c t r e a t m e n t m o d e l s o r f o r m a l t r a i n i n g . T h e s e f e w e x a m p l e s serve as a p p e t i z i n g c o n n e c t i o n s b e t w e e n c h i l d ca r e w o r k a n d t h e w e a l t h o f n o n c l i n i c a l l i t e r a t u r e .

R e f e r e n c e s

Akerman, N. Psychotherapy and 'giving love.' Psychiatry--Journal o f the Biolo- by and the Pathology o f Interpersonal Relations, 1964.

Bettelheim, B. Training child care workers in a residential t reatment program. American Journal o f Orthopsychiatry, 1955, 25, 705-719.

Castaneda, C. Journey to Ixtlan. New York: Simon and Schuster, 1972. Gaskins, S. Monday night class. Santa Rosa, Calif.: Book Farm, 1971. Gilbran, K. The Prophet. New York: Knopf, 1923. Mandelbaum, A. Parent-child separation: Its significance to parents. Social Work,

1962, 26-34. Pfeiffer, John. Emergence o f man. New York: Harper & Row, 1969. Saint-Exupery, A. The little prince. New York: Harcourt Brace Javanovich,

1943.