Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Elaboration What is Elaboration? These notes belong on pg 122 of your spiral

Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.

What is ElaborationElaboration?

These notes belong on pg 122 of your spiral


ElaborationElaboration means. . . To tell the reader more, using:

Descriptions Layering Anecdotes Specific words Examples Definitions Statistics and facts Quotations

Elaboration is critical for clear and effective writing!

Write these notes on page 122 of your Language Arts spiral!


DESCRIPTIONS: Show instead of tell Avoid broad generalizations – be specific

Descriptions Are… Using specific word choice to create vivid images that

appeal to your reader’s senses.

What does elaboration look like?


Show with Description

White shirts are dumb.

White shirts are hard to clean, show pizza stains, and make you look like a waiter in a cheesy restaurant.


Show instead of Tell…

The sound of my phone cut through the silent class, and I anxiously dug into my backpack to grab it before Mrs. Schuman, the writing teacher, noticed. Pawing through Chapstick, lipstick, gum wrappers and rubber hair wraps, my hand darted around the deep pockets of my backpack.“Must shut off ringer,”I thought.


Develop your point with description.

Jackie walked slowly to the Vietnam Veterans’ Memorial exhibit. In her hands were two yellow daffodils that she had brought with her on the hour-long bus ride. Their green stems, snapped from the patch in the backyard, were slowly drying out.


ANECDOTES -- A short story that develops your point. This sounds like. . .

Hey, I remember the time when I had to carry my . . .

Once when I was in middle school, the kids would always. . . .



Develop your point with an anecdote.

You can’t give up, Jack. I remember one time when I played on the high school baseball team. We were losing, and it was the 8th inning. Everyone was getting discouraged, and then the coach said, “BOYS! You’ve got to RALLY here! Turn your ball caps around and GET OUT THERE!” So, Jack, turn your ball cap – I mean ATTITUDE -- around and get out there!


ExpandExpand on the moment. on the moment.Have you ever hoped for the perfect moment to get back at a bully? Last year, the perfect moment presented itself to my best friend & I; two boys continued to tease us at school, and Annie & I wanted revenge. One day, we were hanging out in our tree-house when the boys walked by, on their way home; they were still talking about us, unaware that we were hovering just eight feet above their heads. Annie and I exchanged glances in the reflections of the crooked windows. She had the same expression she wore before rolling down “Dead Man’s Hill” in a barrel; I knew exactly what she was thinking. “One… two… three…” The words were mouthed silently just before we simultaneously launched from the tree-house deck and landed miraculously on our feet. The boys took off running, eating their insulting words with high-pitched screams.


AnecdotesStory Starters

Choose a way to start your story.Here are some ideas:

I remember when…Earlier today…Yesterday…Last week…One day…One time…My friend…In elementary school…


LAYERING – each new sentence adds to or develops the thought.

Layering is NOT a list!!Layering is NOT repetition!

…like rings around a bull’s-eye.



Another Layering ExampleSkiing down a Black Diamond run gives a rush

like no other. What appears like a peaceful sport is really a contrast to the 50-mph feel of the wind in your face, waist-high moguls to weave in-and-out of while your thighs scream, “Stop!” With a wind-chill of minus 10, you still have sweat dripping under your long johns as your adrenaline pumps through your veins. You can’t wait to get to the bottom of the run and do it again.



SPECIFIC WORD CHOICE

AVOID dead words! Use strong verbs Use descriptive adjectives Use vocabulary! Good word choice can be phrases or clauses.

Remember, to elaborate powerfully and effectively, you need to be SPECIFIC.


Words Are Like Rocks

They come in all sizes. Small rocks represent small words; big rocks represent big words.

BUT . . .


Trick: “Hyphenated-Modifiers”

It was one of those please-don’t-make-me-go-to-school mornings.

Tabby always strutted down the hallways in that I’m-so-beautiful-and-I-know-it kind of way.

As mom read me the riot act, my sister gave me her best I-told-you-so look, to which I replied with my best you’re-really-going-to-get-it glare.

Stringing adjectives together to describe in

a new way.


Trick: “Hyphenated-Modifiers”

Working with a partner, make a

list of as many useful

hyphenated-modifiers you can

think of.

Stringing adjectives together to describe in a new way.


Trick: “Repetition for Effect”

I never played Peter Pan and flew to Never-Never Land. I was never Cinderella getting ready for the ball to dance the night away with Prince Charming. I was never Jane waiting for Tarzan in our tree hut.

My special rock by the river is my only shelter away from my sister asleep in the house, away from my brother playing in the tree-house in the field, away from my chores awaiting me in the barn.

Everyone on the estate was focused on her – how lovely her hair looked, how lovely her dress fit, and how lovely her gold brooch looked with the pearls she had purchased for herself.

Using specially chosen words or phrases to emphasize a point or

stress a certain idea.


DEFINITIONS -- are a restatement of an unfamiliar word or phrase to tell the reader what it means.

The best part of our hot lunch program is the A La Carte. What I mean is the little deli line-up past the lunch line where you can buy cookies, slushies, and candy bars.



Develop your point with a definition.One of the best programs at our school is something called Brainworks. Brainworks is an after-school program where kids go and do their homework. They even let you work on the computers there. I like it a lot because the lady who runs the program keeps everyone pretty quiet. At my house, I have 6 little brothers and sisters, and there is never a quiet place to work.


STATISTICS and FACTS -- are the numbers (data) and information that help support your idea or argument.

Mom, did you know that 98% of all my friends get to stay up until 1:00 AM on weekends?

Well, Son, did you know that 3 out of

every 4 parents would have grounded you for

staying out so late?

Kids who smoke at an early age

are prone to heart attacks later in life.



Develop your point with facts and statistics.Another craze to sweep America was the low-carb diet. It was reported in the newspaper after the last holiday season that 67% of all Americans were low-carb dieting. Let me tell you the personal impact that has had on my family’s wheat farm here in Washington.

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Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Elaboration What is Elaboration? These notes belong on pg 122 of your spiral