DINNING IN AMERICA: TEN TIPS TO HELP YOU THROUGH YOUR MEALS

Lecture by Nicholas Van Heyst

#1 Before you start. Start together!

#1 Before you start. Start together!

• Regardless if you are having a formal dinner at a restaurant or an informal lunch with a friend’s family at their home – expect that all members (even late comers) are seated and an indication is given before eating.

• What kind of “indication”? Declaration or Pray

Why?• Traditionally in America all meals started with a prayer.• “For everything created by God is good, and nothing is to

be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving”(1 Timothy 4:4).

• Though times are changing, certain aspects linger.

#2 Table manners

#2 Table manners• Elbows, burping, talking with mouth full, making weird

noises?• Toothpicks (how to use)?• “Excusing” yourself• Elbows on the table? Not a major violation.• Making food-related noises (including burping) is

generally more frowned upon.

Why?• Generally speaking, people find it annoying. Therefore, if

a violation occurs don’t worry, just apologize (‘pardon me!’) and avoid repetition.

#3 The Function of Bowls

#3 The Function of Bowls

• Can the bowl leave the table?• Is the a rule that can be applied to any situation?• What is the breakfast exception?

Why?

Generally speaking people find it annoying, but the a central factor is noise level. Can it be done without sound-effects?

#4 Which fork do I use?

#4 Which fork do I use?• What are the rules for using forks and knives?• Casual (at someone’s home) you don’t even need to think

about it because your host probably didn’t either.• Formal restaurants? Big fork=meal, small fork=salad.

Desert fork/spoon on top.• Generally speaking, NOT A BIG DEAL! But, one rule to

remember: Once you have used your utensils, try not to place them back on the table.

Why?

Generally speaking, people think it is dirty.

#5 Quantity

#5 Quantity• Can I leave unfinished food?

Why?• Cultural/generational differences: WWII Generation

Americans “Waste not want not”

• Cultural Differences: Not enough to eat? Is it okay to say ‘no’?

Why?• Cultural differences: “we mean what we say and say what

we mean”

#6 Tipping at the restaurant

#6 Tipping at the restaurant • Tipping is a must at sit-down restaurants.• How much? Generally speaking low is 10% high is 20%.

Safe is 13-14%.(before tax!)• Extra note: If you appear to be ordering as cheap as

possible (asking for water instead of purchasing a drink) the waiter may have a bad attitude because he/she is expecting a small tip. If you want to keep the bill small and the service good – let the server know “there will be a little extra” for him or her.

Why?It has become expected, if you don’t do it they will feel as

though you have robbed them.

# 7 Expenses

# 7 Expenses

Eating out•“Can I take you out for dinner?”•“Wanna meet for lunch”

Questions to avoid uncertainties:

1)‘Can we split the bill?’

2)‘How much do I owe you?’

# 8 Guest Etiquette

# 8 Guest Etiquette

Guest at a home•Is it okay to come empty handed?

Safeguards:

1)Ask in advance: “can I bring anything?”

2)Bring a bottle of wine or a desert

# 9 Addressing People

# 9 Addressing People• Addressing waiters/waitresses or fellow dinner guests• This can be very awkward and unusual for people coming

from an Asian background.• Consideration must be given to generational/cultural

customs.• Pre/post “BOOMERS”

What is a ‘boomer’ and why do they act the way they do?

#10 The Host Makes the Rules

#10 The Host Makes the Rules• If your host while eating out or eating in changes the

rules, you may take them at their word.• The “say what you mean and mean what you say

mentality.”• In America the person paying the bill is the “boss” not the

owner of the restaurant.• “Make yourself at home!”

#11 Things Change!!!

1950’s 2000’s

#11 Everything changes!• It doesn’t matter how well you understand a certain

culture. Things will change fast!• Things that you must know that our parents didn’t have to

think about:

Eating green, eating local, eating vegan, environmentally friendly, genetically modified, GMO free, organic, hormone free, lab grown, ecofriendly, bio-organic, gluten free, etc.