DRAFT - banninghs.org · A Text-based Grammar for Expository Writing . Teaching Grammar in the CSU Expository Reading and Writing Course . DRAFT . Roberta Ching . Expository Reading

A Text-based Grammar for Expository Writing

Teaching Grammar in the CSU Expository

Reading and Writing Course

DRAFT Roberta Ching Expository Reading and Writing Task Force The California State University August 2007

DRAFT 8/07

A Text-based Grammar for Expository Writing Contents Introduction 1 Guidelines for Teachers 6

Chapter 1: Sentence Fundamentals for Expressing Ideas 10 Based on “Fast Food” Chapter Focus: Sentence Fundamentals

Exercise 1: Guided composition activity 1.1 Finding Verbs in Sentences 11

Exercise 2: Identifying verbs and verb phrases Based on David Zinczenko, “Don’t Blame the Eater” Exercise 3: Identifying compound verbs and verb phrases Based on David Barboza, “If You Pitch It, They Will Eat”

1.2. Finding Subjects of Sentences 14 Pronouns as Subjects Exercise 4: Identifying subjects of sentences Based on David Zinczenko, “Don’t Blame the Eater” Compound Subjects Exercise 5: Identifying compound subjects Based on David Barboza,”If You Pitch It, They Will Eat” Eliminating nouns that are not subjects Exercise 6: Identifying verbs, subjects, and prepositional phrases Based on David Barboza,”If You Pitch It, They Will Eat” Exercise 7: More practice identifying subjects and verbs Based on guided composition in Exercise 1 1.3 Recognizing Complete Ideas—Sentences and Clauses 19 Clauses Exercise 8: Identifying complete and incomplete ideas

Based on Shannon Brownlee, “It’s portion distortion that makes America fat”

Exercise 9: Identifying Main and Subordinate Clauses Based on David Barboza, “If You Pitch It, They Will Eat” Exercise 10: Identifying Clauses, Subjects, and Verbs in Text

Based on Shannon Brownlee, “It’s portion distortion that makes America fat”

1.4 Student Writing 23 Exercise 11: Editing sentences for missing subjects,

verbs and connecting words Based on a Student Essay on Fast Food Exercise 12: Editing your guided composition Exercise 13: Editing your own writing Answer Key 25

Expository Reading and Writing Course i The California State University

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Chapter 2: Sentence Problems: Run-ons and Fragments 31 Based on Steven Greenhouse, “Going for the Look”

Chapter Focus: Common Sentence Problems

Exercise 1: Guided composition Activity 2.1 Run-on Sentences 32 Exercise 2: Correcting run-on Sentences Pronoun Subjects and Run-on Sentences Exercise 3: Correcting run-on sentences with pronoun subjects 2.2 Student Writing 35

Exercise 4: Editing run-on sentences in student writing Based on student essay on “Going for the Look”

2.3 Correcting Sentence Fragments 36 Subordinate Clause Fragments Exercise 5: Correcting subordinate clause fragments

“-ing” Fragments and “to” Fragments Exercise 6: Correcting “-ing” fragments and “to” fragments Added Detail Fragments Exercise 7: Correcting added detail fragments Missing Subject Fragments Exercise 8: Correcting missing subject fragments 2.4 Student Writing 40 Exercise 9: Correcting run-ons and fragments in student writing Based on student essay on “Going for the Look” Exercise 10: Editing your guided composition Exercise 11: Editing your own writing Answer Key 42 Chapter 3: Noun Forms and Subject—Verb Agreement 46

Based on “The Rhetoric of the Op-Ed Page” Chapter Focus: Forming Nouns and Making them Agree with Verbs

Exercise 1: Guided composition activity Based on John Edlund, “Three Ways to Persuade”

3.1 Nouns 47 Singular and Plural Forms of Nouns Exercise 2: Identifying singular and plural nouns Based on John Edlund, “Three Ways to Persuade” Exercise 3: Identifying count and non-count nouns Based on John Edlund, “Three Ways to Persuade” Nouns and Determiners Exercise 4: Words that go with singular and plural nouns Based on Jeremy Rifkin, “A Change of Heart about Animals”

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3.2 Subject—Verb Agreement 51 Exercise 5: Correcting subject-verb agreement errors Based on John Edlund, “Three Ways to Persuade” Exercise 6: Completing sentence with verbs that agree Based on Jeremy Rifkin, “A Change of Heart about Animals”

Exercise 7: Making verbs agree with subjects in authentic text Based on “A Change of Heart about Animals: Letters to the Editor”

3.3 Student Writing 55 Exercise 8: Editing your guided composition Exercise 9: Editing your own writing Answer Key 56 Chapter 4: Verbs for Expository Writing 60

Based on “The Value of Life” Chapter Focus: Verbs in Expository Writing

Exercise 1: Guided composition activity Based on Amanda Ripley, “What is a Life Worth?”

4.1 Identifying Complete Verb Phrases 61 Complete Verb Phrases Main Verb Forms 4.2 Time and Tense 63 The Past Time Frame The Present Time Frame Times Frames and Time Markers

Exercise 2: Identifying verbs + subjects and time frames Based on Amanda Ripley, “What is a Life Worth?” 4.3 Verb Use in Basic Time 66 Exercise 3: Using basic verb tenses in expository writing Based on Amanda Ripley, “What is a Life Worth?” 4.4 Use of Perfect Tense Verbs 70

Exercise 4: Using basic and perfect verb tenses in expository writing

Based on Lance Armstrong and Sally Jenkins,” It’s Not About the Bike: My Journey Back to Life”

4.5 Progressive Tenses 73 Exercise 5: Using verb tenses to express time relationships 4.6 Student Writing 76 Exercise 6: Editing student writing Based on a student essay on “The Value of Life” Exercise 7: Editing your guided composition Exercise 8: Editing your own writing Answer Key 78

Expository Reading and Writing Course iii The California State University

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Chapter 5: Sentence Focus and Defensible Assertions 85 Based on Bob Herbert, “Racial Profiling”

Chapter Focus: Using Academic Language to Construct Arguments

Exercise 1: Guided composition activity 5.1 The Passive 86 Forming the Passive Exercise 2: Identifying passive verbs Using Passive Verbs Effectively Exercise 3: Changing active verbs to passive verbs 5.2 Modals 90 Forming Verb Phrases with Modals Phrasal modals Exercise 4: Identifying modals and their meanings Exercise 5: Using modals 5.3 Making Assertions that Can Be Supported 94 Strategies for Making Assertions Defensible Exercise 6: Revising sentences to make assertions defensible 5.4 Student Writing 97

Exercise 7: Editing student writing Based on a student essay on “Racial Profiling”

Exercise 8: Editing your guided composition Exercise 9: Editing your own writing Answer Key 99 Chapter 6: Connecting Ideas in Expository Writing 105

Based on “Juvenile Justice” Chapter Focus: Connecting Ideas in Expository Writing

Exercise 1: Guided composition activity Based on Adam Liptak, “Supreme Court to Rule on Executing Young Killers”

6.1 Connecting Ideas Using Coordination 106 Exercise 2: Identifying coordinating words and logical relationships

Based on Adam Liptak, “Supreme Court to Rule on Executing Young Killers”

6.2 Connecting Ideas Using Subordination 107 Exercise 3: Identifying subordinating words and logical relationships

Based on Adam Liptak, “Supreme Court to Rule on Executing Young Killers”

Problems with Subordination

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6.3 Correcting Ideas Using Transitions 110 Exercise 4: Identifying transitions and logical relationships

Based on Marjie Lundstrom, “Kids are kids—until they commit crimes”

Exercise 5: Using connecting words to join clauses Based on Marjie Lundstrom, “Kids are kids—until they commit crimes”

Exercise 6: Writing sentences using connecting words Based on Greg Krikorian, “Many kids called unfit for adult trial”

6.4 Student Writing 114 Exercise 7: Editing student writing to make logical connections clear

Based on a student essay on “Juvenile Justice” Exercise 8: Editing your guided composition

6.5 Connecting Ideas Using Parallel Structure 117 Exercise 9: Identifying parallel elements

Based on Paul Thompson, “Startling Finds on Teenage Brains”

Exercise 10: Editing sentences for parallel structure Based on Marjie Lundstrom, “Kids are kids—until they commit crimes”

Exercise 11: Completing sentences with parallel elements Based on Marjie Lundstrom, “Kids are kids—until they commit crimes”

6.6 Editing Student Writing 119 Exercise 12: Editing student writing

Based on a student essay on “Juvenile Justice” Exercise 13: Editing your own writing Answer Key 121 Chapter 7: Adding Information to Sentences: Adjective Clauses, Participial Modifiers, Appositives, and Special Punctuation 129

Based on “The Last Meow” Chapter Focus: Adding Information to Sentences

Exercise 1: Guided composition activity Based on “The Last Meow,” Parts 2, 5, and 6 7.1 Adjective Clauses 130

Exercise 2: Identifying adjective clauses Based on “The Last Meow,” paragraph 11 Exercise 3: Combining sentences using adjective clauses Based on “The Last Meow,” paragraphs 21 and 22

7.2 Participial Modifiers 132 Exercise 4: Identifying participial modifiers Based on “The Last Meow,” 16 - 25 Exercise 5: Combining sentences using participial modifiers Based on “The Last Meow,” paragraphs 44 – 46

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7.3 Appositives 134

Exercise 6: Identifying appositives Based on “The Last Meow” Exercise 7: Combining sentences using appositives Based on “The Last Meow,” paragraphs 16 – 28

7.4 Special Punctuation for Adding Information 136 Exercise 8: Combining sentences using dashes or colons Based on “The Last Meow,” paragraphs 16 – 28 7.5 Editing Student Writing 137 Exercise 9: Editing student writing Based on a student essay on “The Last Meow” Exercise 10: Editing your guided composition Exercise 11: Editing your own writing Answer Key 140 Chapter 8: Writing About What Others Say 146

Based on Jon Krakauer, Into the Wild Chapter Focus: Adding Information to Sentences

Exercise 1: Guided composition activity Based on Chapter One, “The Alaska Interior,” pp. 1 -7

8.1 Summary 147 Identifying the source and the author Choosing the time frame Exercise 2: Using the past time frame to summarize Into

the Wild Exercise 3: Using the present time frame (historical present) to summarize Into the Wild Exercise 4: Summarizing part of a chapter Based on Chapter Eight, “Alaska”

8.2 Paraphrase 149 Guidelines for paraphrasing

Exercise 5: Paraphrasing a paragraph Based on the last paragraph of Chapter Eight, “Alaska”

8.3 Quotation 151 Guidelines for quoting Exercise 6: Incorporating quotations Based on Chapter Eight, “Alaska”

8.4 Introducing Quotations 152 Exercise 7: Verbs to introduce the words of others Based on Chapter Seventeen, “The Stampede Trail” 8.5 Making the Speaker and the Context Clear 155 Exercise 8: Making the Speaker and the Context Clear Based on Chapter 9, “Davis Gulch”

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8.6 Punctuating Quotations 156 Exercise 9: Punctuating quotations Based on Chapter Eighteen, “The Stampede Trail” 8.7 Editing Student Writing 158 Exercise 10: Editing a student essay

Based on a student essay on “Into the Wild” Exercise 11: Editing your guided composition Exercise 12: Editing your own writing Answer Key 162 Appendix—Responding to Student Writing for Editing 169

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Introduction: Teaching Grammar in the CSU Expository Reading and Writing Course In a palazzo in Rome, a painting from the 17th century of seven beautiful women hangs on the wall. The women represent the elements of a classical education. Standing side by side are Rhetoric and Grammar. At least since Cicero, rhetoricians have recognized that the ability to craft effective sentences is a critical part of convincing an audience of the truth of an argument. The same is true for our students today. Forming sentences correctly is part of the writer’s ethos. A reader is much less likely to accept an argument that is filled with run-on sentences, subjects that don’t agree with their verbs, and spelling and punctuation errors. Even more important is logos. The logic of an argument is based on the logic of its sentences, and that logic depends to an important extent on its grammar. The sequence of events is conveyed through the verb tense system. The nuances of a writer’s position are presented through the use of active and passive verbs, modals, and qualifying words and phrases. The logical relationships among ideas are expressed through coordination, subordination, and the use of transitions and parallel structures. The logic of an argument can be strengthened by supplying additional information and appeals can be made to pathos through the use of adjective clauses, participials, appositives, dashes, and colons. Effectively and accurately integrating the texts of others can strengthen one’s argument using all three of the rhetorical appeals. Despite the consensus among classical rhetoricians of the importance of grammar, the question of whether grammar can be taught has been vigorously debated over the last two decades. Influential researchers have argued that direct instruction is misguided at best and that all students need to master the intricacies of a language is exposure to that language in its written and oral forms. Other research has suggested that the countless hours that teachers invest in marking student papers for error are wasted and that student writing does not improve as a consequence. Both positions have elements of truth, but a consensus is emerging that the acquisition process is not sufficient to acquire written academic language, particularly for students coming from homes where English is not spoken and communities where non-standard forms of English predominate. The high rates of remediation at the university level are testimony that simply waiting for language acquisition to provide students with proficiency is doing them a grave disservice. At the same time, practitioners have demonstrated that addressing sentence level grammar and mechanics in a contextualized and systematic way does result in students’ gaining greater control over the crucial systems of written language. We can view academic English as having three essential components: words, sentences, and discourse. Students will benefit from instruction in academic vocabulary and in the writing of paragraphs and essays. Likewise, many will also benefit from instruction in grammar, the rules by which words and phrases are combined to produce sentences. This supplement to the Expository Reading and Writing Course (ERWC) is designed to provide explicit instruction to high school students in these rules. It reflects the view that students can best learn these rules in the context of the texts which they themselves are reading and writing about. Each chapter begins with activities to help students identify the structures in the context of the readings that they have done for the particular assignment in the ERWC. Students then apply the rules in exercises based

Expository Reading and Writing Course 1 The California State University

Introduction DRAFT 8/07

on the texts and in an editing exercise based on student writing (except for Chapters 4, 7, and 8). Finally, they use the rules to edit the essay that they have written for the assignment. These chapters are designed to be taught in tandem with the first eight chapters—the first semester—of the ERWC. Unlike many grammar texts, this supplement begins with the clauses, the subjects, and the verbs with which they are constructed. As the title, “Sentence Fundamentals for Expressing Ideas,” suggests, teaching students to identify clauses, subjects, and verbs is the basis for everything else that follows. By beginning there, students have a semester to master identifying these crucial elements and will practice identifying and using these components throughout the rest of the chapters. Chapters 2 and 3 focus on sentences that go wrong—fragments and run-ons—and problems with subjects and verbs. They give students additional practice in identification while addressing several vexing areas that most novice writers struggle with. Chapter 4 on verbs assumes that students can identify verb phrases correctly and focuses on the use of verbs in discourse. Chapter 5 builds on the use of verbs in expository writing by looking at the purposes that writers have for using passives and modals and provides practice with other ways in which writers qualify their assertions. Chapter 6 returns to clauses and gives students practice in joining clauses to communicate logical relationships. In the next chapter, students see how adjective clauses can be reduced to participial modifiers and appositives to add information to sentences. The final chapter provides students with practice in the grammatical forms that enable them to report and integrate the ideas of others in their own writing. As students practice grammatical forms in all these chapters, they learn and apply the punctuation rules required by the context of the forms and the purposes for which they are being used. Teachers can integrate these chapters and their exercises into the ERWC assignments. In that way, students will receive grammar instruction in small doses in the context of the topics they are reading and discussing. They will conclude by applying what they learned to editing their own writing, thus maintaining a close connection between the rules they are learning and their own rhetorical purposes. The intention is that students will do most of the exercises in class—individually, in pairs, or in small groups—in order to reduce the teacher’s paper load and to ensure that feedback is immediate. In order to maximize learning, teachers need to talk through the topics, model the response to the example sentences in each exercise, and debrief students after they have done the exercises. Because these chapters are completely based on the readings in the ERWC assignments, they must be taught in conjunction with those assignments. In other words, Chapter 2: Sentence Problems: Run-ons and Fragments must be taught while students are doing the “Going for the Look” assignment because it assumes that students have carefully read the reading for that assignment, are familiar with the academic vocabulary, and are comfortable writing about the ideas. Although the chapters must accompany the relevant ERWC assignments, not every student will benefit equally from the topics in every chapter. California high schools serve diverse populations, as anyone who has recently set foot in a high school can testify. Classrooms can primarily serve high-performing students who have an accomplished grasp of academic English. They can serve students who are fluent in spoken English but who are poor readers and lack proficiency in written academic English. They can serve students who come from communities where nearly everyone uses a non-standard dialect of English. Many high school students these days began



school not speaking English at all. Most of these students, frequently identified as Generation 1.5, learned English on the playground, picking it up with little if any formal instruction in how the language works. Or if they received special language instruction, it was in kindergarten and the primary grades. They often were mainstreamed before literacy demands for the written language dramatically rose in the later grades of elementary school and, thus, received no specialized instruction in academic English. Their oral fluency often masked their lack of knowledge of how the written language functioned. Other English learners arrived later in school and had to learn the language at the same time they were trying to cope with the more advanced curriculum of the higher grades. Often a single classroom holds students from all these groups. It is essential that teachers using these materials select the topics for their particular populations based on diagnosing their particular needs. For example, Chapter 4 deals with verbs and is especially important for Asian students who have first languages that do not use verb tenses to indicate time. Chapter 5, which deals with qualification, is helpful for basic writers of all backgrounds who lack familiarity with written academic language. Spanish speakers will benefit from Chapter 6 since Spanish joins clauses differently than English does. The focus of these materials is on the grammatical rules that students need to edit their own writing. Unlike spoken language, written language allows time to apply rules when students know they are accountable for identifying and correcting their errors. However, trying to apply rules can tie the tongue when speaking, and it can do the equivalent in writing if done too early in the writing process. Therefore, it’s essential that students postpone the editing process until after they have created a draft that expresses their ideas to the best of their ability. At that point, they need to know that editing is an important way to clarify and refine those ideas further. Assigning a separate draft for editing after students have revised their essay for meaning is helpful, particularly for students who make lots of sentence-level errors. An important assumption underlying these chapters is that students is that the only grammatical rules that make sense to teach are ones that are “portable. The rules governing English syntax are numerous and complex. However, students cannot remember and need not know all those rules. Twenty-nine rules apply to the use of articles in English. Expecting students to learn and apply those rules is unrealistic. Mastering a handful of rules will enable students to edit the most serious and pervasive errors in their writing. Learning more than that is a waste of their time and their teachers’ effort. Other aspects of English are not governed by rules at all, or the rules are so complex that only linguists can understand them. Those aspects, such as idioms, word choice, and the use of infinitives and participles following verbs, are best regarded as vocabulary issues. Students need simply to keep lists and memorize the ones they use most often. Rules won’t help. Another consideration underlying these chapters is the need to address content standards. The English-Language Arts Content Standards for California Public Schools: Kindergarten Through Grade Twelve and the Composing Skills section of the California State University English Placement Test both assess students’ knowledge of grammatical rules and conventions and their ability to construct effective sentences. The 11th and 12 grade standards under the rubric of Written and Oral English-Language Conventions are very general:



1.1 Demonstrate control grammar, diction, and paragraph and sentence structure and an understanding of English usage.

1.2 Produce legible work that shows accurate spelling and correct punctuation and capitalization.

In other words, by 12th grades students should have mastery of written academic language. However, when regularly admissible students in the upper one-third of their graduating classes take the English Placement Test for the CSU, approximately half of them demonstrate that they lack that mastery. These materials attempt to address the prerequisite standards as early as 4th grade where two standards specify the following:

1.2 Combine short, related sentences with appositives, participial phrases, adjectives, adverbs, and prepositional phrases.

1.4 Use parentheses, commas in direct quotations, and apostrophes in the possessive case of nouns and in contractions.

Students often enroll in college writing classes apparently innocent of any knowledge of these topics. It appears that in the efforts to meet other standards, these may have been given short shrift. It’s also possible that lacking systematic, contextualized instruction and accurate feedback, students simply did not learn these skills. Or they learned them in the grade where the skills received focused attention, but without consistent reinforcement in later grades, students quickly forgot what they had learned. Whatever the cause, it is safe to assume that many 11th and 12th graders will benefit from renewed instruction—in the most principled way possible—so that when they enter college or go to jobs, these tools that writers depend upon are fresh in their minds. The ultimate goal of using these materials to teach students key grammatical concepts and conventions of written English is to make them independent editors of their own writing. The classroom is a supportive environment where students can receive help in identifying their errors and practice crafting sentences in safety. Once they leave the classroom, employers and college faculty will be much less tolerant. Students need explicit instruction in grammar and usage; the time for “picking up” the rules through exposure to written texts has run out by 12th grade. The first semester of the ERWC is the perfect time to do this. The second semester then becomes the place where students can be held accountable for applying independently what they have learned but with mini-lessons and feedback to guide them as needed. That way, when they leave high school, they will not only be able to read critically and construct persuasive arguments but also polish their writing at the sentence level so it communicates as effectively as possible. ACKNOWLEDGMENTS All good teaching rests on the work of teachers who have come before. However, in the case of this supplement to the Expository Reading and Writing Curriculum, my debt to other teachers is especially large. I would first like to acknowledge the contribution of the teachers in my own department, the Learning Skills Center at California State University, Sacramento. They have tirelessly created materials to meet the evolving needs of underprepared California students commencing a university education. I would especially like to thank Darlene Jantz and Shelagh Nugent for their generosity in sharing their ideas and materials. I would also like to thank Patricia Porter and Deborah vanDommelen whose book, Read, Write, Edit:



Grammar for College Writers exemplifies the philosophy of teaching grammar in the service of writing and was a model and a resource for my efforts. I would like to thank Nancy Brynelson of the CSU Chancellor’s Office who encouraged me to undertake this project and likewise to thank my fellow members of the 12th Grade Expository Reading and Writing Task Force for their support. I would particularly like to thank the high school teachers who have used the ERWC assignments and who asked for materials designed to help the students in their classes who are struggling to master the intricacies of academic English. Their feedback and the many samples of student writing that they gathered have formed the basis for my work. Finally, I would like to conclude by admitting that although I have received inspiration and encouragement from many sources, the errors that undoubtedly remain in these materials are entirely of my own doing.


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Guidelines for Teachers

For grammar instruction to be worthwhile, you must make strategic decisions about what to teach and how to teach it. The first decision is which grammar topics to cover. Since students have to read the readings that accompany a particular assignment before or during the time they are moving through the linked grammar chapter, the sequence will be determined to some extent by the assignments the class is doing. At the same time, not all classes will benefit from all the chapters. You will need to make judgments about your students’ grammatical competence. A classroom of students with less grammatical competence will benefit most from the early chapters that focus on sentence structure, noun forms and subject-verb agreement, sentence boundaries, and verbs. Students with higher levels of competence will benefit from the later chapters which explore more deeply the interface between grammar and rhetoric: ways in which writers qualify their assertions, ways in which they logically connect their ideas, ways in which they add information to sentences, and ways in which they incorporate the text of others into their writing. Identifying Grammar Topics for a Class Early in the semester ask students to write and analyze the types of errors that are typical for the class as a whole. For example, the sample of student writing below is characterized by a pattern of verb errors and run-on sentences. Patterns of Error: verb endings (verb); run-on sentences (sent). verb sent. Parents are the ones to be blamed for the obesity crisis that exist in the U.S. the very popular saying “monkey see monkey do,” can be very helpful to understanding how important it is for parents to be good roles models when it comes to a healthy lifestyle. sent. When children are born, they do not ask for a Happy Meal, they are exposed to the noun growing world of fast food industries* through their parents. Parents are the ones who should be responsible for whether or not their children are healthy. Moreover, the eating verb habits that they children are accustom to are simply what the parents buy them. When children are young, they cannot afford Happy Meals at McDonalds. The parents are the punct. verb ones who buy fast food for their kids so why should the fast food industries be blame for verb punct. their lack of personal responsibility when it come to their children’s health.


Guidelines for Teachers DRAFT 8/07

If these are typical errors for most of the the class, then you might choose to focus on identifying subjects, verbs, and clauses (Chapter 1: Sentence Fundamental for Expressing Ideas), repairing run-on sentences (Chapter 2: Sentence Problems: Run-ons and Fragments), and verbs (Chapter 4 (Verbs for Expository Writing). Even within a chapter, some preliminary activities may be unnecessary for students with a good foundation while the application activities may be beneficial even for fairly advanced students. General criteria for deciding which grammatical errors merit spending class time on include deciding how frequent the errors are, how serious they are, and how teachable the grammar points are. Preposition errors may occur through out a piece of student writing, but prepositions are not teachable. They are lexical items that must be learned in connection with the other words that regularly go with them. (We say, “I rode in the car, but I flew on the plane.”) No rule explains why one form of transportation requires the preposition “in” while a different one requires “on.” Furthermore, dictionaries seldom provide a clue whether a student looks up the word “in” or the word “ride.” The best strategy is to treat the whole cluster of words (“to ride in) as a vocabulary item and ask students to keep of log to assist them in learning them. They can also refer to the log when they are editing since a relatively small number of preposition errors is likely to crop up in their writing repeatedly. On the other hand, if students regularly have problems with run-ons and fragments, that is an area of grammar that is controlled by a limited number of teachable rules. Teaching about clause structure and how to join clauses so that they form complete sentences is both practical and likely to result in concrete improvement in student writing. Deciding How to Use the Materials Once a teacher has determined what topics to focus on, the next decision is how to use the grammar materials. The best way to keep grammar instruction from being sterile and boring is to go over the explanations in class in the form of “mini-lessons,” and then ask students to work on the activities in pairs or small groups. The most important learning will occur as students articulate their understanding of the rules in their own words and negotiate the answers among themselves and in consultation with their teacher. In fact, some teachers ask students to keep notecards on which they write their own versions of rules. They can then use the cards as their own reference guide. Approaching grammar in this way has multiple benefits. “Mini-lessons” of perhaps ten minutes are brief enough not to become boring. They also ensure that instruction is spaced so students have time to process the new information. Following up immediately with an activity enables students to cement what they have learned and clarify any confusion immediately. At the end of the day you can walk out of the classroom without a stack of grammar exercises to correct, and your students will learn not to associate grammar with red check marks and grades in a grade book. This is not to say that students should not be held accountable for learning, but the accountability comes when they edit their own writing. To ensure that the learning transfers to students’ writing, you will need to give focused feedback by identifying and labeling students’ errors using labels such as the ones below:



Labels for Editing noun All errors in formation of nouns; plurals and singulars verb All errors of verb form (endings) and verb tense s-v agree Subject-verb agreement run-on Run-on sentence or comma splice frag. Sentence fragment punct. Punctuation error sp. Spelling error sent. Sentence error—error in the way clauses are formed and joined. Students need to have their sentence-level errors labeled in order for them to learn to identify their own errors. Using a minimum number of labels makes it easier for students to remember what the lables mean and also speeds up your job of marking. Using labels such as these consistently as you mark your students’ writing will help them locate their errors and understand that individual errors are often part of a larger pattern of error that they can and should master. Once a topic has been covered, you can continue to hold your students responsible for correcting the error during the editing phase of writing. The final grade on the paper, after revision and editing, should reflect not only global issues such as content and organization but also control of grammar and conventions. Over the semester, you goal is to gradually make students independent editors of their own writing, perhaps first by marking in the text but not labeling, later by marking with a check in the margin, and finally by requiring students themselves to identify and correct the error without teacher assistance. Separating the revision and editing processes is helpful for developing writers. That way, they can focus on developing their argument, figuring out how best to support it, and finding the best way to organize it without worrying about sentence-level grammar and conventions, and you can respond to those concerns without stopping to label the errors. Then on a second draft, you and the writer can focus on sentence-level problems. This two-step process also sends a clear message to students that the first and most important phase of writing is finding out what they want to say. Once the first draft is written, then it is time to focus on the individual sentences to make sure they express the writer’s ideas in the best possible way. That’s the time for editing. Developing New Grammar Activities If your students need instruction in sentence boundaries, but instead of teaching “Going for the Look,” you want to teach an article from a recent news magazine or a short story from your literature text, you create grammar activities that are modeled on the ones I created. Not all texts, however, work equally well in every situation. For example, a fairly informal opinion piece might lend itself to teaching modals and other



qualifying methods because the writer is likely to make assertions and recommendations. A more literary reflective essay might be better suited to teaching ways of incorporating information in sentences. A text written primarily in the present tense works well to teach subject-verb agreement while a text that narrates an event in the past and makes observations about that event can be used to give students practice in choosing correct verb tenses and identifying time markers.

One of the richest sources of text for teachers to use to develop grammar activities is the writing of their own students. Again, some advice. Once you have decided on your focus, don’t look for texts that contain a lot of that type of error. Instead, choose an essay that is particularly interesting or particularly well written so that it will be a model for your students of good writing. Then create activities like a cloze passage (where words are deleted and students need to fill in the correct form), or a sentence boundary activity where you remove the end punctuation and ask students to fill it in. If errors do occur in the text, correct them so that other students aren’t inadvertently learning incorrect forms.

Sentence correction activities based on students’ own writing are useful also, but

choose ten sentences from ten different essays rather than ten from one essay, or select short paragraphs from several essays. That way no students will feel singled out. Again, correct any errors except for the error type you are teaching; this is not the place to worry about student ownership of their own writing. Instead, your goal is for students to focus on a particular kind of error and how it can best be edited, not to be distracted by a variety of errors for which you may not have a ready explanation. Once you’ve created the sentences, ask students to work in groups or as a class to edit them. You will be delighted by the level of their engagement when they know that they are working on their own and their classmates’ sentences.

Ends and Means The goal of the grammar instruction provided in these materials is to demystify how good writers create effective sentences to communicate ideas that matter to them. But it’s important never to lose sight of the larger goal of the ERWC materials which is to prepare students to be fluent readers and writers and critical thinkers. The ability to edit is a component in this process, but it is not the most important component and should never dominate the classroom. However, it is a tool that students need to have so that their readers will take their ideas seriously, and we owe it to them to make sure they leave our classes with that tool in their hands.


DRAFT 8/07

Chapter 1: Sentence Fundamentals for Expressing Ideas “Fast Food” Chapter Focus: Sentence Fundamentals In writing academic essays, the goal of writers is to construct sentences that communicate their message clearly. They try to focus their readers’ attention on the important ideas and convey information efficiently and effectively. The focus of this chapter is on identifying the main elements of sentences: verbs, subjects, and clauses. You will be looking for these sentence elements in the context of the readings that make up the “Fast Food” assignment. Exercise 1: Guided Composition Activity Based on David Zinczenko, “Don’t Blame the Eater” Teaching Focus: The purpose of this Guided Composition activity is to elicit a paragraph of student writing on the topic of “Fast Food.” Using these paragraphs, teachers can informally diagnose students’ strengths and weaknesses in the area of sentence construction. At the end of the unit, students will edit their paragraphs, applying what they have learned during the “Sentence Fundamentals” unit. They will then compare their paragraphs with the original, paying particular attention to verbs, subjects, and sentence structure. Directions to the teacher:

(1) Ask students to take out a blank sheet of paper.

(2) Instruct students to listen as you read the following paragraph at a normal rate of speed. Then ask students to take notes while you read the paragraph again; emphasize that the notes will be essential when they go to write their paragraph. Alternately, write a series of key words or phrases on the board to guide students.

(3) Ask them to reconstruct what they heard using their notes or the key words. Students should compare what they have written with each other and make changes as necessary.

(4) Collect the paragraphs at the end of the activity and save them. You will return them to your students to edit at the end of the chapter.

Kids are suing McDonald’s for making them fat. People should take personal

responsibility for their weight, but fast food restaurants are often the only available option

for an affordable meal. Because more children are obese, Type-2 diabetes has

increased in children by 25%. It’s hard to find someplace to buy a grapefruit although

McDonald’s is on every corner. We also lack information about what we are consuming.

Some fast-food restaurants provide calorie information, but even that information can be


Chapter 1 DRAFT 8/07

hard to understand. The fast food industry is vulnerable. It is marketing products that

are hazardous, yet no labels warn customers of the danger. If we don’t take action, we

are going to see more sick, obese kids and more angry parents.

1.1 Finding Complete Verbs in Sentences Every sentence in English must have at least one verb and one subject. If you can identify the verb of the sentence first, it will be much easier to find the subject of the sentence. The verb in a sentence is always related to the subject. The subject usually appears in front of the verb. Since the verb expresses what the subject does or is, verbs either express:

• ACTION (eat, stop, help, buy, make, do, gain, succeed)

or

• STATE OF BEING (am/is/are/were, become, seem, look, appear, taste, sound, remain, etc.)

• MENTAL STATES (know, think, feel, remember, believe etc.)

If a verb consists of only one word, it automatically is the “main verb.” However, sometimes the main verb has “helping verbs” that go along with it and, together with the main verb, they make up the “complete verb phrase.” It is possible to have more than one helping verb, so the verb phrase can be 4-5 words long.

Main verb (if alone) = the COMPLETE VERB

helping/modal verbs + Main Verb = the COMPLETE VERB PHRASE Helping verbs are words like: have/has do/does/did “be” = am, is, are, was, were Modal verbs are words like: will could be going to may would ought to might should have to can (See Chapter 5 for a more detailed discussion and practice with modals.) Main verb: I exercise one hour every day. (There is only one action verb in this sentence, so exercise is the complete verb.) One helping/modal verb + main verb: I should exercise one hour every day.

(Should is a helping verb, and exercise is the main verb. Together they make up the complete verb phrase.)



Three helping/modal verbs + main verb: I should have been exercising one hour every day.

(Should is a modal verb, have and been are helping verbs that go with the main verb, exercising. Thus,“should have been exercising” is the complete verb phrase.)

The verb usually comes after the subject, but when the sentence is a question, the subject follows the verb or is inside the verb phrase. When the sentence is a command, the subject is understood to be “you,” but only the verb appears in the sentence. Statement: Kids are consuming too many calories.

(Are consuming is the verb phrase; kids is the subject and comes before the verb.) Question: Are kids consuming too many calories?

(The verb phrase is still are consuming, but now the subject comes after the first word of the phrase).

Negative Question: Aren’t kids consuming too many calories? (In this negative question, are consuming is still the verb phrase. The contraction -n’t meaning “not” is attached to the verb but is not part of the verb phrase.)

Command: Be responsible! Consume fewer calories.

(The subject is understood to be you, but it is not written. The writer is ordering you to be responsible and to consume fewer calories. The verbs are be and consume.

Verbs that Act as Nouns and Verb Complements In addition to the words that make up the main verb phrase, sentences can contain verbs that act as nouns and verbs that follow the main verb and are its complement. Verb complements have several different patterns. Different verbs are followed by different patterns so you have to memorize them. --ing form of verb as (1) subject or (2) object of a preposition:

(1) Eating often at fast food restaurants can lead to obesity. (Eating functions as a noun and is the subject of the sentence. It answers the question, “What can lead to obesity?” Words with –ing endings can also be part of a main verb phrase: I have been eating in fast food restaurants for years.) (2) The consequence (of eating) regularly at fast food restaurants can be unwanted extra pounds. (Eating functions as a noun and is the object of the preposition “of.”) --verb patterns as complements to the main verb: main verb + -ing verb Americans continue eating hamburgers even though fast food is bad for them. (In this sentence the gerund eating is the complement of the main verb continue.)



main verb + to + simple verb Americans need to eat fewer hamburgers and more grapefruit. (To eat is an infinitive. It functions as a noun and is the object of the main verb need. You can see that “to eat” is a noun by comparing it with the sentence “I need a hamburger.” In both sentences, a noun answers the question, “What do I need?” The pattern is main verb + to + simple verb.) main verb + noun/pronoun + simple verb Negative publicity is making the fast food industry change its ways. (Change is the complement to the main verb is making. The pattern is main verb + noun + simple verb.)

Exercise 2: Identifying verbs and verb phrases Based on David Zinczenko, “Don’t Blame the Eater” Directions: Double underline the verbs and verb phrases in the following sentences. Remember that a verb phrase can have several words. 1. Kids started suing McDonalds for making them fat.

2. I was a typical mid-1980’s latchkey kid.

3. My mom always worked long hours to make the monthly bills.

4. Fast food restaurants were the only options for an American kid to get an affordable

meal.

5. Then I got lucky.

6. But many kids have crossed under the golden arches to a lifetime of obesity.

7. Shouldn’t we know better than to eat everyday at fast-food restaurants?

8. There are no calorie charts on fast food wrappers.

9. The fast food industry needs to provide nutritional information to their customers.

10. Without these warnings, we’ll see more sick children and angry parents.

Exercise 3: Identifying compound verbs and verb phrases Based on David Barboza, “If You Pitch It, They Will Eat” Directions: Double underline the verbs and verb phrases in the following sentences and circle the coordinating word. Each sentence has a compound verb which is two or more verbs joined by a coordinating word such as “and,” “but,” or “or.” 1. Fast food corporations own thousands of restaurants and put their trademarks on

dolls, games, and even theme parks.



2. Nutritionists call fast food advertising a blitzkrieg and fear its contribution to childhood

obesity.

3. Big food makers are finding every possible way to advertise and are spending more

on advertising than ever.

4. They have used television for years but now are using movies, video games, and the

Internet.

5. Lawyers do not think these marketing campaigns are harmless and are threatening

Lawsuits.

6. Legislators want to lock fast food out of school cafeterias and are even considering a

complete ban on advertising food to children.

1.2 Finding Subjects of Sentences It is easier to recognize the subject/s of the sentence when you have found the verb first. The subject of the sentence usually

• occurs before the verb. • tells who or what does the action or expresses the state of being or state

of mind. What are the subjects in the following sentences? Examples: Fast food marketing has existed for a long time.

(The complete verb phrase is has existed. What has existed? Marketing, so marketing is the subject of the sentence.)

The use of electronic media has transformed fast food advertising.

(The complete verb phrase is has transformed. What has transformed advertising? The use (of electronic media). Use is the subject of the sentence.)

Are fast food restaurants using the internet to attract customers?

(The complete verb phrase is are using. Because this sentence is a question, the subject comes after the first word of the verb phrase. Who or what are using the internet? Restaurants, so restaurants is the subject.)



Pronouns as Subjects Pronouns are words that replace nouns. Pronouns that can be subjects are: I, you, he, she, it, we, and they. Restaurants use marketing to increase their profits. They compete to make their food appeal to customers. (Restaurants is the subjects of the first sentence. They is a pronoun that replaces restaurants in the second sentence. We already know that we are talking about restaurants, so we don’t need to repeat the noun.) Exercise 4: Identifying subjects of sentences Based on David Zinczenko, “Don’t Blame the Eater” Directions: Go back to Exercise 2. You have already identified the verbs and verb phrases in the sentences. Now underline the nouns or pronouns that are the subjects of those verbs. 1. Kids started suing McDonalds for making them fat. Compound Subjects Even a simple sentence can have more than one subject and more than one verb. When two subjects are joined by a coordinating word (usually “and” or “or), we call them a compound subject. What are the subjects in the following sentences? 1. Legislators and other critics want to reduce food advertisements aimed at

children. (Who wants to reduce food advertisements? Legislators and other critics, so legislators and critics together make up the compound subject of this sentence.)

2. Movies, games, and school tie-ins are all used to market fast food.

(What are used? Movies, grades, and school tie-ins are the compound subject of this sentence.)

Exercise 5: Identifying Compound Subjects Based on David Barboza, “If You Pitch It, They Will Eat” Directions: Double underline the verbs and verb phrases in the following sentences. Then underline the subjects. Each sentence has a compound subject. 1. At one time a small hamburger and a bag of fries seemed like a full meal.

2. Oversized meals and oversized appetites are the result of consumer manipulation.

3. Fast food advertising and low prices induce many of us to overeat.

4. Young, single males and other people like them accounted for 70% of sales at fast

food restaurants.



5. Twenty years ago, fast food executives and marketing experts decided to focus on

these “heavy users.”

6. More food and cheaper prices increased profits.

Eliminating Nouns that are Not Subjects In some sentences nouns in prepositional phrases can be confused with subjects. For this reason, it is easier to identify nouns that are subjects if you first identify the prepositional phrases in sentences by putting parentheses ( ) around them. Remember that a prepositional phrase may contain one or more nouns or pronouns. School districts (in New York and Los Angeles) have banned the sale (of sugary beverages and snacks) (in school vending machines). (In and of are prepositions. The nouns that follow them cannot be subjects of the sentence. Once these possibilities have been eliminated, it is easy to see that school districts is the subject of this sentence. CHART 1. 2

A LIST OF COMMON PREPOSITIONS One Word Prepositions about before down off toward(s) above behind during on under across below for out until after beneath from over up against beside(s) in since upon along between into through with among beyond like throughtout within around by near till without at despite of to Two-word and Three-word Prepositions according to as many as because of in place of such as across from as much as by means of in spite of together with along with as well as due to on account of instead of apart from aside from in addition to subsequent to on top of (Note: When “to” is followed by a verb, it is an infinitive. Do not confuse infinitives with prepositional phrases. For example, in the sentence, “The schools decided to ban sodas.” the phrase “to ban” is an infinitive, not a prepositional phrase.) Exercise 6: Identifying verbs, subjects, and prepositional phrases Based on David Barboza, “If You Pitch It, They Will Eat” Directions: Review the list of common prepositions in Chart 1.2. Then put parentheses ( ) around the prepositional phrases in the following sentences. Next double underline the verbs and finally underline the subjects. Remember that –ing verbs can act as nouns in prepositional phrases.



1. Children are introduced early (in life) (to brand-name food) (in toy stores) and (at

school).

2. Soft drink companies have “pouring rights” in hundreds of schools throughout the

country.

3. In their defense, companies say they are not pouring their products down children’s

throats.

4. More than 30 bills before state legislatures around the country will ban certain snacks

and beverages from school vending machines.

5. Television, of course, remains the most powerful medium for selling to children.

6. The characters in children’s TV shows provide entertainment and promote products

at the same time.

7. The programs have become advertising for the food, and the food has become

advertising for the programs.

Tip for Writers: The subject of a sentence is the focus of the sentence. Writers choose where they want their readers to focus, in part, by choosing what noun or pronoun to use as the subject. When the most important noun or pronoun in the sentence is not the subject, the writer is less able to communicate the importance of the idea. Choosing a different noun or pronoun to be the subject is one way that writers can improve a sentence and get their message across more effectively to a reader.

Original sentence: Entertainment is provided and products are promoted at the same time by the characters in children’s TV shows.

Improved sentence: The characters in children’s TV shows provide entertainment and promote products at the same time. (The focus is on the characters in TV shows and how they are used to sell products. That focus is lost when entertainment and products are the subject and characters is placed in a prepositional phrase. See Chapter 5 for more on passive verbs and sentence focus.)

Sometimes writers create incomplete sentences—fragments—because the most important noun or pronoun is in a prepositional phrase, and there is no other noun that serves as the subject. Make sure the word that is the focus of your sentence is also the subject.

Fragment: By the characters in children’s TV shows provide entertainment and promote products.

Complete sentence: The characters in children’s TV shows provide entertainment and promote products at the same time. (See Chapter 2 for more on sentence fragments and complete sentences.)



Exercise 7: More practice identifying subjects and verbs Based on the guided composition in Exercise 1. Directions: Double underline the verbs and underline the subjects in the following sentences. 1. Kids are suing McDonald’s for making them fat.

2. People should take personal responsibility for their weight, but fast food restaurants

are often the only available option for an affordable meal.

3. Because more children are obese, Type-2 diabetes has increased in children by

25%.

4. It’s hard to find someplace to buy a grapefruit although McDonald’s is on every

corner.

5. We also lack information about what we are consuming.

6. Some fast-food restaurants provide calorie information, but even that information can

be hard to understand.

7. The fast food industry is vulnerable.

8. It is marketing products that are hazardous, yet no labels warn customers of the

danger.

9. If we don’t take action, we are going to see more sick, obese kids and more angry

parents.



1.3 Recognizing Complete Ideas—Sentences and Clauses The following sentences aren’t really sentences because they are missing an essential element, either the subject or the verb. Therefore, they don’t express complete ideas. What is wrong with each one? Incomplete sentences No subject No verb 1. Filed lawsuits against fast food makers. (Who filed the lawsuits?)

2. The folks in the fast food industry. (What did the folks do?)

3. By a core group of heavy users. (What was done?)

4. Having absolutely no interest in cooking for themselves. (Who had no interest? What did they do?)

5. Streamlining food production. (Streamlining does what?)

Clauses

TWO TYPES OF CLAUSES: EACH has a subject and a verb

MAIN CLAUSE SUBORDINATE CLAUSE * can stand alone as a sentence

*is a fragment; cannot stand alone as a sentence

*expresses a complete thought *does NOT express a complete thought (needs to be completed)

*does not need any additional clauses *must be attached to an main clause *does NOT begin with a “subordinate word” *begins with a “subordinate word”

(words like when, although, since, etc.) “Coordinating Words” are: and but or for so nor yet Clauses that are joined by a coordinating word are of equal importance. When two people coordinate a project, they both work equally hard. When two main clauses are coordinated, the two clauses work equally hard in the sentence. main clause main clause

[Fast food companies are focused on profits], and [they are continually trying to

find new ways to attract more customers.] (Each of the clauses expresses a complete idea and could be a separate sentence, so they are main clauses. They are joined by the coordinating word “and” to show that they are of equal importance.)



“Subordinating Words” are words like: because if who since unless which when while that whenever before whose even though where whom although as . . . as though Subordinate means someone or something in a less important job or position. A clerk in an office is a subordinate of the CEO of the company. A clause that is joined to a main clause by a subordinate word is in a lesser position than the main clause because its meaning is incomplete without the main clause. main clause

[Some critics have recommended banning fast food from schools]

subordinate clause [because it probably contributes to the obesity epidemic.]

(The first clause expresses a complete idea , but the idea in the second clause is incomplete. It is introduced by a subordinating word “because,” so we call it a subordinate clause.)

A sentence is the basic unit of written language. It has a subject and a verb. Sentences are made up of clauses. Main clause: Schools should stop selling sodas. Two or more main clauses connected with a coordinating word: Schools should stop selling sodas, but we should also teach children how to take responsibility for what they eat. One or more subordinate clauses may be connected to a main clause using subordinating words: Although schools should stop selling sodas, parents have the primary responsibility for making sure their children eat healthy food. Parents have the primary responsibility to make sure that their children eat healthy food. The ways in which writers combine clauses to form sentences enable them to express the logical relationships between the ideas that the clauses express.



Exercise 8: Identifying complete and incomplete ideas Based on Shannon Brownlee, “It’s portion distortion that makes America fat” Directions: Write “Main” if the clause is a sentence that expresses a complete idea. Write "Sub" for “” for “Subordinate” if the clause is a fragment that is not a complete sentence and does not express a complete idea. Refer to the list of words above and circle the subordinate words. _____1. Cheap food induced customers to eat more.

_____2. When fast food restaurants cut prices.

_____3. While they saw an increase in customers.

_____4. Where young men ate most of their meals.

_____5. Afterward, they discovered super-sizing.

_____6. But price competition had grown so fierce.

_____7. Soda costs less to produce than any drink except tap water.

_____8. Since a super-size meal provides 1,550 calories.

_____9. As much as an adult man should consume in a day.

_____10. If you put more food in front of people.

_____11. Where does it end?

_____12. The obvious direction is down.

Exercise 9: Identifying main and subordinate clauses Based on David Barboza, “If You Pitch It, They Will Eat” Directions: The following sentences have more than one clause. Put brackets[ ] around the clauses and label each clause: Sub = subordinate clause; Main = main clause. Circle the coordinating and subordinating words. Then underline the complete verb/s in each clause twice and subjects once. Sub Main 1. [Because McDonald’s wants to be everywhere], it has plastered its golden arches on Barbie dolls and video games.

(This is a complex sentence, made up of one subordinate clause and one main clause. “Because” is a subordinating word.)

2. [McDonald’s calls this brand extension], but [nutritionists call it a blitzkrieg].

(This is a compound sentence. It is two main clauses joined by “but.” “But” is a coordinating word.)



3. While companies view product tie-ins as harmless, lawyers are threatening law suits.

4. The problem of obesity is so staggering that we have to do something.

5. The vast majority is junk, and you seldom see fruits and vegetables marketed.

6. Most big food companies deny that they are to blame although they have made some

promises to offer healthier food.

7. They say that their commercials don’t encourage overeating.

8. Companies take aim at children so energetically because it is so profitable.

9. Some schools have contracts to sell fast food, and others have special fast food

days.

Exercise 10: Identifying clauses, subjects, and verbs in text Based on Shannon Brownlee, “It’s portion distortion that makes America fat” Directions: Put brackets [ ] around each clause in the sentences in the following paragraphs from the reading. Then label each clause: “Main” for main clause and “Sub” for subordinate clause. Double underline the main verbs and underline the subjects. Circle the subordinate word(s) in the subordinate clauses. Also circle the connecting words like “and” and “but” when they join clauses, but leave them outside the brackets. Where does it end? Marketers and restauranteurs may scoff at lawsuits like the

one brought this summer against fast food companies, and they have a point: Adults are

ultimately responsible for what they put in their own mouths.

But maybe there’s hope for us yet, because it looks as if fast-food companies’

“Omnipresence”—the McDonald’s strategy of beating out competitors by opening new

stores, sometimes as many as1,000 a year—“has proved costly and self-cannibalizing.” .

. . Now, fast food companies are killing each other in a new price war they can’t possibly

sustain, and McDonald’s just suffered its first quarterly loss since the company went

public 47 years ago. . . .

One way or another, as Americans wake up to the fact that obesity is killing

nearly as many citizens as cigarettes are, jumbo burgers and super-size fries will seem

like less of a bargain.



1.4 Student Writing

Exercise 11: Editing sentences for missing subjects, verbs and connecting words Based on a student essay on “Fast Food” Directions: Edit the following student writing to make sure sentences are complete (have both subjects and verbs) and are correctly connected. You should find 3 missing subjects, 3 missing verbs, and 3 missing coordinating and subordinating words. are

Parents ^ the best teachers for their children. They are in the best position to be

role models, they spend so much time with them. Everyone should recognize this

simple fact, but many parents do not understand their responsibility and neglect to teach

their children healthy eating habits. Parents take the easy way out, so the media and

fast food restaurants to teach their children what and how much to eat. Children imitate

what their parents do. If children realize that their parents are constantly taking them to

fast food restaurants, will believe that eating fast food is a normal thing. They old

enough to buy their own food, will think first of going to fast food restaurants because

their parents took them there. This doesn’t mean that parents should never take their

children to fast food restaurants for a treat, they should explain that, although tastes

good, the food is very unhealthy. If parents don’t explain this to their children, who else

will do it?

Exercise 12: Editing your guided composition Directions to the teacher:

(1) Use an overhead projector or computer to project the Guided Composition paragraph and ask students to read along as you read it out loud.

(2) Then project a student paragraph and discuss with the class the differences between the original and the student paragraph (both paragraphs need to be projected simultaneously).

(3) Return the student paragraphs and ask them to edit based on what they’ve learned by doing the activities in the chapter. Don’t give them access to the original while they are doing this. Direct them to make sure their sentences are complete (have both subjects and verbs), and to add any needed coordinating or subordinating words so they are correctly connected.



(4) Ask students to compare their edited version with the original.

(5) Debrief by asking students what they learned through the comparison and what they can apply to their own writing.

Exercise 13: Editing your own writing Directions: Pick a paragraph from your essay about Fast Food.

• Put brackets[ ] around each clause in the sentences in your paragraph. Then label each clause: “Main for main clause and “Sub” for subordinate clause.

• Double underline the main verbs and underline the subjects. • Circle the subordinating word(s) in the subordinating clauses. Also circle the

coordinating words, but leave them outside the brackets. • Make sure the sentences are complete (have both subjects and verbs), and add

any needed coordinating or subordinating words. Make sure you have used a variety of connecting words.

• Put a question mark (?) in the margin next to anything that you are unsure about. • Exchange your paragraph with a partner and discuss any questions you have

about you partner’s marking. Check with your teacher if you can’t agree on an answer.

• Now edit the rest of your essay for missing subjects and verbs. Add needed coordinating and subordinating words that will improve and vary your sentences.


DRAFT 8/07

Chapter 1: Sentence Fundamentals for Expressing Ideas Answer Key Exercise 2: Identifying verbs and verb phrases 1. started 2. was 3. worked 4. were 5. got 6. have crossed 7. should know 8. are 9. needs 10. ‘ll [will] see

(Action verbs like “start” usually have progressive forms—“he is starting.” “Being” verbs like “is” and “got” (meaning “become”) do not. We can’t say, “He was getting lucky.”)

Exercise 3: Identifying compound verbs and verb phrases 1. own . . . and put 2. call . . . and fear 3. are finding . . . and are spending 4. have used . . . but . . . are using 5. do not think . . . are . . . and are threatening

(A subordinate “that” clause is inserted between the two compound verbs in the main clause. “(That) these marketing campaigns are harmless” is a complement of the verb “do think.”

6. want . . . and are considering Exercise 4: Identifying subjects of sentences 1. Kids 2. I 3. mom 4. restaurants 5. I 6. kids 7. we 8. charts

(In “There is” and “There are” constructions, the subject follows the verb.) 9. industry 10. we


Chapter 1-Answer Key DRAFT 8/07

Exercise 5: Identifying compound subjects 1. hamburger and . . . bag . . . seemed 2. meals and . . . appetites are 3. advertising and . . . prices induce 4. males and . . . people . . . accounted for

(“accounted for” is a two word verb so for is considered part of the verb. A single word like “compose” could replace the two words.)

5. executives and . . . . experts decided 6. food and . . . prices increased Exercise 6: Identifying verbs, subjects, and prepositional phrases 1. Children are introduced early (in life) (to brand-name food) (in toy stores) and (at

school).

2. Soft drink companies have “pouring rights” (in hundreds) (of schools) (throughout the

country).

3. (In their defense), companies say that they are not pouring their products (down

children’s throats).

4. More than 30 bills (before state legislatures) (around the country) will ban certain

snacks and beverages (from school vending machines).

5. Television, (of course), remains the most powerful medium (for selling) (to children).

6. The characters (in children’s TV shows) provide entertainment and promote products

(at the same time).

7. The programs have become advertising (for the food), and the food has become

advertising (for the programs).



Exercise 7: More practice identifying subjects and verbs

1. Kids are suing McDonald’s for making them fat. 2. People should take personal responsibility for their weight, but fast food restaurants are often the only available option for an affordable meal. 3. Because more children are obese, Type-2 diabetes has increased in children by 25%. 4. It’s hard to find someplace to buy a grapefruit although McDonald’s is on every corner. 5. We also lack information about what we are consuming. 6. Some fast-food restaurants provide calorie information, but even that information can be hard to understand. 7. The fast food industry is vulnerable. 8. It is marketing products that are hazardous, yet no labels warn customers of the danger. 9. If we don’t take action, we are going to see more sick, obese kids and more angry parents. 1. Kids are suing McDonald’s for making them fat.

2. People should take personal responsibility for their weight, but fast food restaurants

are often the only available option for an affordable meal.

3. Because more children are obese, Type-2 diabetes has increased in children by

25%.

4. It’s hard to find someplace to buy a grapefruit although McDonald’s is on every corner.

(“To find” and “to buy” are infinitives, not prepositional phrases.)

5. We also lack information about what we are consuming.

6. Some fast-food restaurants provide calorie information, but even that information can

be hard to understand.

7. The fast food industry is vulnerable.

8. It is marketing products that are hazardous, yet no labels warn customers of the

danger.

9. If we don’t take action, we are going to see more sick, obese kids and more angry

parents.



Exercise 8: Identifying complete and incomplete ideas 1. Main 2. Subordinate 3. Subordinate 4. Subordinate 5. Main 6. Main 7. Main 8. Subordinate 9. Subordinate 10. Subordinate 11. Main 12. Main Exercise 9: Identifying Main and Subordinate Clauses Sub Main 3. [While companies view product tie-ins as harmless], [lawyers are threatening law suits]. Main Sub 4. [The problem of obesity is so staggering] [that we have to do something]. Main Main 5. [The vast majority is junk], and [you seldom see fruits and vegetables marketed]. Main Sub 6. [Most big food companies deny the accusations] [although they have made some promises to offer healthier food]. Main Sub 7. [They say [that their commercials don’t encourage overeating]]. Main Sub 8. [Companies take aim at children so energetically] [because it is so profitable]. Main Main 9. [Some schools have contracts to sell fast food], and [others have special fast food days].



Exercise 10: Identifying Clauses, Subjects, and Verbs in Text Based on Shannon Brownlee, “It’s portion distortion that makes America fat” . Main Main [Where does it end?] [Marketers and restauranteurs may scoff at lawsuits] [like Sub the one brought this summer against fast food companies], and [they have a point]: Main Sub [Adults are ultimately responsible for [what they put in their own mouths]]. Main Sub [But maybe there’s hope for us yet], [because it looks] [as if fast-food companies’ Sub “Omnipresence”—the McDonald’s strategy of beating out competitors by opening new stores, sometimes as many as 1,000 a year—“has proved costly and self- Main cannibalizing].” . . . [Now, fast food companies are killing each other in a new price war Sub Main [*they can’t possibly sustain]], and [McDonald’s just suffered its first quarterly loss] [since Sub the company went public 47 years ago]. . . . Sub Sub [One way or another, [as Americans wake up to** the fact [that obesity is killing Sub Main nearly [as many citizens as cigarettes are]], jumbo burgers and super-size fries will seem like less of a bargain]. *The subordinating word “that” is understood; it introduces the clause: [that] they can’t possibly sustain. **”Wake up to” is a three word verb (it could be replaced by a single verb such as “recognize.”) Exercise 11: Editing sentences for missing subjects, verbs and connecting words Based on a Student Essay on Fast Food

Parents are the best teachers for their children. They are in the best position to

be role models because they spend so much time with them. Everyone should recognize

this simple fact, but many parents do not understand their responsibility and neglect to

teach their children healthy eating habits. Instead parents take the easy way out, so the

media and fast food restaurants get to teach their children what and how much to eat.

Children imitate what their parents do. If children realize that their parents are constantly

taking them to fast food restaurants, they will believe that eating fast food is a normal



thing. When they become old enough to buy their own food, they will think first of going

to fast food restaurants because their parents took them there. This doesn’t mean that

parents should never take their children to fast food restaurants for a treat, but they

should explain that, although it tastes good, the food is very unhealthy. If parents don’t

explain this to their children, who else will do it?

Exercise 12: Editing your guided composition Sample student notes and guided composition

• Kids are suing McD • People take personal responsibility • FFR are only options • More obese children & increase 25% Type 2 diabetes • Hard to buy grapefruits McD at every corner • Some FF provide calories but hard to understand • Marketing not label form • Take no action we’ll see

Kids are suing McDonalds for making them fat. Perhaps people should take

personal responsibility for what they eat. Why would people eat healthy when fast food

restraunts are the only options where there are available affordable meals. Now there

are just more and more obese children with type 2 diabetes and overly increased 25%.

Fast food is bad, but it also provides calory labels, but it may still be hard to understand.

Unfortunately, if we don’t take action now we will see more obese kids and more angry

parents.


DRAFT 8/07

Chapter 2: Sentence Problems: Run-ons and Fragments “Going for the Look”

Chapter Focus: This chapter focuses on two common sentence problems: sentences that run together and sentences that are incomplete. Both problems can be confusing for readers. All activities in this chapter are based on Steven Greenhouse, “Going for the Look” Exercise 1: Guided composition Teaching Focus: The purpose of this Guided Composition activity is to elicit a paragraph of student writing on the topic of “Going for the Look” containing simple, compound, and complex sentences. Using these paragraphs, teachers can informally diagnose students’ ability to create complete sentences, avoiding run-ons and fragments. At the end of the unit, students will edit their paragraphs, applying what they have learned during the “Sentence Problems” unit. They will then compare their paragraphs with the original, paying particular attention to sentence boundaries. Directions to the teacher:





Hiring a pretty and handsome sales force is a growing trend in American retailing.

Stores want to hire workers to project an image. Some stores have been sued for

discrimination. While it is not illegal to hire attractive people, it is illegal to discriminate

based on age, sex, or ethnicity. Some stores take pride in hiring for diversity. Others

seem to hire only blond, blue-eyed, and pretty clerks. They say that hiring trendy young

people is simply smart business. Whether it is legal and the right thing to do is a

different question.



2.1 Run-on Sentences

A sentence must have a main clause with a subject and a verb. It may have more than one main clause (a compound sentence) or a main clause and one or more subordinate clauses (a complex sentence). A run-on sentence occurs when you write two sentences (two main clauses) and punctuate them as though they form a single sentence. There are two types of run-on sentences:

• two sentences that are joined with no punctuation • two sentences that are joined with only a comma.

The following sentences are examples:

Hiring attractive people isn’t illegal discriminating is. (Two sentences are joined together without any punctuation between them). Hiring attractive people isn’t illegal, discriminating is. (Two sentences are joined together with only a comma between them.)

BOTH of these situations produce an error: a “run-on sentence.” Correcting run-on sentences 1. Make a separate sentence out of each main clause.

Hiring attractive people isn’t illegal. Discriminating is. 2. Combine the clauses with a comma and a coordinating conjunction. This method is useful when you have two ideas of equal importance and you want to show the relationship between them.

Coordinating conjunctions: and, for, yet, but, so, or, nor

Hiring attractive people isn’t illegal, but discriminating is.

3. Make one clause a subordinate clause. This is an effective way to solve the problem if one of the clauses is less important than the other.

Common subordinating words: because, since, when, whenever, even though, although, though, if, unless, while, before, where, as . . . as, who, which that, whose, whom

Hiring attractive people isn’t illegal although discriminating is.



4. Combine the clauses with a semicolon (;). This method is effective when the two clauses are very closely related and you don’t want to break them up with another word. Be careful to use semicolons only when the ideas are closely related; don’t use them simply as an alternative to periods. Hiring attractive people isn’t illegal; discriminating is. 5. Combine the clauses with a semicolon (;) and a transition word, followed by a comma. This method is also useful when you have two equally important ideas.

Common transition words: therefore, thus, however, nevertheless, furthermore, consequently, then

Hiring attractive people isn’t illegal; however, discriminating is. (See Chapter 6, Chart 6.3A, for a more complete list of words that connect ideas.) Exercise 2: Correcting run-on sentences Directions: Fix the following run-on sentences using the methods outlined above. Choose the most appropriate method to fix each error. 1. We have the best-looking college kids working in our store, everyone will want to

shop there.

Because we have the best-looking college kids working in our store, everyone will want to shop there.

2. Company officials have an aggressive approach to building their sales force they

proudly acknowledge that they hire for looks.

3. Many companies have taken the approach to sophisticated new heights they hire

workers to project an image.

4. We want to appeal to college students we concentrate our hiring on certain colleges,

fraternities, and sororities.

5. A few managers have objected to hiring inexperienced workers they have been

forced to quit.

6. Brand representatives are ambassadors to the brand consumers see them and want

to buy the clothes they are wearing.



7. The main focus needs to be on hiring someone who can get the job done projecting

an image should not be the focus.

Correcting run-on sentences with pronoun subjects Sometimes run-on sentences occur because the writer does not recognize that pronouns, especially the personal pronoun “it,” and demonstrative pronouns (such as “that,” “these,” and “those”) can be subjects of sentences. INCORRECT:

Lawsuits have been filed about Abercrombie and Fitch’s hiring practices, these may cross over the line and discriminate against minority applicants. (This sentence is a run-on because the second clause is also a main clause. Its subject is the pronoun “these” which refers to “practices” in the first clause.)

CORRECT:

Lawsuits have been filed about Abercrombie and Fitch’s hiring practices; these may cross over the line and discriminate against minority applicants. (Join the two main clauses with a semicolon.) Lawsuits have been filed about Abercrombie and Fitch’s hiring practices because these may cross over the line and discriminate against minority applicants. (Join them with “because” since the lawsuits are the result of the practices.) Lawsuits have been filed about Abercrombie and Fitch’s hiring practices. These may cross over the line and discriminate against minority applicants. (Punctuated as separate sentences.)

Exercise 3: Correcting run-on sentences with pronoun subjects Directions: Underline any pronoun that is a subject in these sentences. Then correct the following run-on sentences using a different option for each sentence. 1. Elizabeth Nil has been offered jobs at Abercrombie’s three times, that’s what

happens because she looks like an Abercrombie model.

Elizabeth Nil has been offered jobs at Abercrombie’s three times. That’s what happens because she looks like an Abercrombie model.

2. Abercrombie’s approach to hiring is aggressive, it’s a growing trend in retailing.

3. Companies are openly seeking workers who are good-looking, they are the ones who

can best promote the store’s clothing.

4. The companies have been skirting the edges of antidiscrimination laws these prohibit

discriminating based on race, national origin, gender, age, and disability.



5. Abercrombie denies that it discriminates, it simply concentrates on hiring at certain

colleges, fraternities, and sororities.

2.2 Student Writing Exercise 4: Editing run-on sentences in student writing Based on student essay on “Going for the Look” Directions: Identify the main and subordinate clauses in the following piece of student writing by putting brackets around the clauses and labeling them with Main or Subordinate (Sub)). Then edit by adding punctuation and capital letters or connecting words where needed. Today’s society, especially in the fashion sector, is driven by trends, what’s in

style today can be fashion suicide by next week. Everyone is concerned with being part

of the “in-crowd,” being hip, and being accepted. In high schools throughout the nation,

you can walk around and see the groups of kids, all dressed alike, wearing the same

clothes and even acting the same way then if you look hard enough, you will notice that

each of these groups has a leader that the rest can rely on to tell them what is cool, what

clothes and styles are in, and what is socially acceptable.

If a person sees a good looking, confident store attendant, the customer will want

to emulate them today’s store managers are insisting on hiring good-looking employees.

It has become necessary in today’s market to represent your product as socially

acceptable and even capable of raising the customer up a rung on the social ladder, the

evidence shows that this works Abercrombie and Fitch, who pride themselves on hiring

sales representatives who are fashionable and good looking, are now one of the leading

retailers in the nation.



2.3 Correcting Sentence Fragments

Every sentence must have a subject and a verb and express a complete thought. A sentence that lacks a subject or a verb or does not express a complete thought is a fragment. Common types of fragments: Example: • Subordinate clause fragments Because they want to project an image. • –ing fragments Hiring pretty and handsome sales associates. • Added detail fragments Which can lead to discrimination. • Missing subject fragments In retail sales, can serve as a brand ambassador. Subordinate Clause Fragments: A clause that begins with a subordinating word such as when, because, although, while, or if cannot stand on its own as a sentence. It must be attached to a main clause so it is part of a complete sentence.

INCORRECT: Even though hiring attractive people is not illegal. Discrimination is.

(“Even though” is a subordinating phrase that introduces a subordinate clause. The subordinate clause forms a fragment unless it is joined to a main clause.)

CORRECT: Even though hiring attractive people is not illegal, discrimination is. Punctuation Note: If the subordinate clause comes at the beginning of the sentence, use a comma before the main part of the sentence. You do not usually need to use a comma if the subordinate clause comes after the main clause. Exercise 5: Correcting subordinate clause fragments Directions: Underline the subordinate clauses in each selection. Then correct the fragments by attaching them to the appropriate sentence. Use correct punctuation and capitals. 1. Although the company says it does not discriminate. Some of its Hispanic, Asian,

and black job applicants maintained otherwise. They said they were not allowed to work

on the sales floor.

Although the company says it does not discriminate, some of its Hispanic, Asian, and black job applicants maintained otherwise. 2. Legal issues are involved. Businesses run the risk of discriminating. When they start

hiring based on looks or gender. They need to focus instead on hiring people who can

get the job done.



3. But some people think that companies should be able to hire to promote their image.

If customers see an attractive person wearing the store’s brand. They want to buy it too.

4. Stores are businesses. When it comes to making a profit. Stores have to think about

the bottom line.

Correcting “-ing” and “to” Fragments: When an –ing word or a to phrase appears at or near the start of a word group, a fragment may result. To correct these fragments, you can sometimes add the fragment to a complete sentence.

INCORRECT: Hiring people who can be “brand enhancers.” Is necessary and smart.

(“Hiring” is noun formed from the verb “hire.” It is a subject and needs to be connected to the fragment that follows which provides the verb “is.”)

The human resources manager spent two weeks. Trying to find

the best person for the job. (“Trying” is a verbal adjective formed from the verb “try.” It needs to be

joined to the sentence that comes before since it completes the verb “spent.”)

CORRECT: Hiring people who can be “brand enhancers” is necessary and

smart. The human resources manager spent two weeks trying to find

the best person for the job. INCORRECT: Restaurants sometimes adopt a young, trendy look. To attract

customers. (“To attract” is an infinitive. It must be connected to a sentence with a

subject and verb.) CORRECT: Restaurants sometimes adopt a young, trendy look to attract

customers. Exercise 6: Correcting “-ing” and” to” fragments: Directions: Underline the fragments in the following items. Rewrite the sentences to eliminate any fragments. 1. Wanting to increase sales, store managers were told. To recruit people with pretty

faces.

Wanting to increase sales, store managers were told to recruit people with pretty faces. OR: Store managers, wanting to increase sales, were told to recruit people with pretty faces.



2. Having the best-looking college kids working in the store. That would make everyone

want to shop there.

3. To try to sell more merchandise. Stores require attractive sales associates to project

their brand with energy and enthusiasm.

4. Experts say there is a growing trend. To hire workers who are sexy, sleek, or simply

good-looking.

5. Hiring for looks. That has caused some companies to end up facing law suits.

6. Hiring for looks is necessary and smart. At least according to retailers.

Correcting Added Information Fragments: Added information fragments lack a subject and a verb. They usually add a detail to the preceding sentence and often begin with one of the following words. such as including except for example especially You can correct an added detail fragment by using one of the following techniques: • Attach the fragment to the complete sentence preceding or following it.

INCORRECT: The company uses an aggressive approach. For example,

recruiting attractive customers as they shop. CORRECT: The company uses an aggressive approach, for example,

recruiting attractive customers as they shop.

• Embed the fragment in the preceding sentence, changing words as necessary. INCORRECT: They recruited employees based on looks, not on retail

experience. Including some of the most popular stores. CORRECT: Stores, including some of the most popular ones, recruited

employees based on looks, not on retail experience. • Add a subject and/or a verb to the fragment to make it a complete sentence.

INCORRECT: Image seemed very much in evidence at Water Tower Place. One of Chicago’s most upscale malls, attracting a trendy crowd.

CORRECT: Image seemed very much in evidence at Water Tower Place. It is one of Chicago’s most upscale malls, attracting a trendy

crowd.



Sometimes a subordinate clause with a subject and verb follows a noun that is part of the added information. A fragment is still the result:

INCORRECT: The company uses an aggressive approach. An effort that officials proudly acknowledge.

(The added information doesn’t have a subject or a verb. It needs to be joined to the sentence that comes before.)

CORRECT: The company uses an aggressive approach, an effort that

officials proudly acknowledge. Punctuation Note: If the added information follows the main clause, you will usually need to use a comma at the end of the main clause. Exercise 7: Correcting added detail fragments: Directions: Underline the fragment in each of the following items. Use one of the techniques described above to eliminate the fragments. (You should be able to use one of each.) 1. Some chain stores have been accused of discriminating. By race, by age, and by

gender. They have provoked a wave of lawsuits.

2. Some stores have hired employees to project their image. Especially high end

retailers. They believe they need to hire for looks in order to be competitive.

3. Some businesses have gone too far. For example, a hotel chain that ordered

managers to hire trendier workers.

Correcting Missing Subject Fragments: In this type of fragment, the sentence is missing a subject. To correct the fragment you can do one of two things:

1. Attach the fragment to the preceding sentence when the verb goes with the subject of the preceding sentence.

2. Add a subject to the fragment.

INCORRECT: The director denied discriminating. But admitted that the company liked to hire people who “looked great.”

CORRECT: The director denied discriminating but admitted that the

company liked to hire people who “looked great.” The director denied discriminating, but he admitted that the

company liked to hire people who “looked great.”



Exercise 8: Correcting missing subject fragments: Directions: Underline the fragment in each of the following items. Use one of the techniques described above to make complete sentences. (You should be able to use both.) 1. Employees who don’t fit “the look” have been assigned to back rooms. However, are

asserting their rights and filing lawsuits.

2. Some young men say that they like to go to stores that hire good looking gals. And

see nothing wrong with hiring for looks.

3. Stores are having to change their hiring practices. And are focusing on competence

instead of appearance.

2.4 Student Writing Exercise 9: Correcting run-ons and fragments in student writing Based on a student essay on “Going for the Look” Directions: Underline the fragments and correct the run-on sentences and fragments in the following student writing. If you wish to rewrite an entire sentence, put an asterisk * at the beginning of the sentence, and then rewrite it at the end of the selection. Hiring for looks is a very sad trend in society, in today’s world more than any

other time before, sex is pushed on youth. It is nearly impossible to watch a movie or

listen to a song. Without seeing or hearing some reference to sex. Casual sex is

portrayed as ok, appearing sexy is portrayed as necessary. This focus on sexiness has

led people to be very superficial. Too many people base their first impression, and often

their entire opinion of a person. On how they look. Few people have the drive anymore.

To get to know a person’s personality and the depths of their mind before making a

judgment.

This superficiality ties back to hiring policy people see a sexy person in a store.

And automatically make the assumption that they are perfect. Then because these

beautiful people work in the store. Customers leap to the conclusion that its products

must be the reason for their perfection. We need to erase this “fact of life.” If we decide



that it isn’t necessary to look perfect to be accepted, then stores won’t have to hire

based on looks to make sales. The change begins with us, we need to care about the

real person inside. Not simply the skin-deep outer shell.




(3) Return the student paragraphs and ask them to edit based on what they’ve learned by doing the activities in the chapter. Don’t give them access to the original while they are doing this. Direct them to make sure their sentences are complete and correctly punctuated.



Exercise 11: Editing your own writing Directions: Pick a paragraph from your essay about “Going for the Look.” Underline the fragments and correct the run-on sentences.

• Put a question mark (?)in the margin next to any sentences that you are unsure about.

• Exchange your paragraph with a partner and discuss any questions you have about your partner’s marking. Check with your teacher if you can’t agree on an answer.

• Now edit the rest of your essay for sentence run-ons and fragments.


DRAFT 8/07

Chapter 2: Sentence Problems: Run-ons and Fragments Answer Key Exercise 2: Correcting Run-on Sentences 1. Because we have the best-looking college kids working in our store, everyone will want to shop there. 2. Company officials have an aggressive approach to building their sales force, and they proudly acknowledge that they hire for looks. 3. Many companies have taken the approach to sophisticated new heights when they hire workers to project an image. 4. We want to appeal to college students; therefore, we concentrate our hiring on certain colleges, fraternities, and sororities. 5. A few managers have objected to hiring inexperienced workers; however, they have been forced to quit. 6. Brand representatives are ambassadors to the brand; consumers see them and want to buy the clothes they are wearing. 7. The main focus needs to be on hiring someone who can get the job done, so projecting an image should not be the focus. Exercise 3: Correcting Run-on Sentences with Pronoun Subjects 1. Elizabeth Nil has been offered jobs at Abercrombie’s three times. That’s what happens because she looks like an Abercrombie model. 2. Abercrombie’s approach to hiring is aggressive, and it’s a growing trend in retailing. 3. Companies are openly seeking workers who are good-looking since they are the ones who can best promote the store’s clothing. (The comma should be deleted since the subordinate clause follows the main clause.) 4. The companies have been skirting the edges of antidiscrimination laws which prohibit discriminating based on race, national origin, gender, age, and disability. 5. Abercrombie denies that it discriminates; it simply concentrates on hiring at certain colleges, fraternities, and sororities.



Exercise 4: Identifying run-on sentences in student writing Main Main [Today’s society, especially in the fashion sector, is driven by trends;] [what’s in Main style today can be fashion suicide by next week.] [Everyone is concerned with being part of the “in-crowd,” being hip, and being accepted.] [In high schools throughout the Main nation, you can walk around and see the groups of kids, all dressed alike, wearing the Sub same clothes and even acting the same way.] [Then if you look hard enough,] [you will Main Sub notice that each of these groups has a leader] [that the rest can rely on to tell them Sub Sub Sub [what is cool], [what clothes and styles are in], and [what is socially acceptable]]. Sub Main [If a person sees a good-looking, confident store attendant], [the customer will Main want to emulate them;] [therefore, today’s store managers are insisting on hiring good- Main looking employees]. [It has become necessary in today’s market to represent your product as socially acceptable and even capable of raising the customer up a rung on Main Main Sub the social ladder.] [The evidence shows [that this works.]] [Abercrombie and Fitch, [who Sub pride themselves on hiring sales representatives [who are fashionable and good looking]], are now one of the leading retailers in the nation]. Exercise 5: Subordinate clause fragments 1. Although the company says it does not discriminate, some of its Hispanic, Asian, and black job applicants maintained otherwise. They said they were not allowed to work on the sales floor. 2. Legal issues are involved. Businesses run the risk of discriminating when they start hiring based on looks or gender. They need to focus instead on hiring people who can get the job done.

(The comma needs to be deleted because the subordinate clause follows the main clause.)

3. But some people think that companies should be able to hire to promote their image. If customers see an attractive person wearing the store’s brand, they want to buy it too.

(A sentence can begin with a coordinating word like “but” in all but very formal writing. Beginning a sentence with a coordinating word never creates a fragment.)

4. Stores are businesses when it comes to making a profit. Stores have to think about the bottom line.

(The comma needs to be deleted because the subordinate clause follows the main clause.)



or Stores are businesses. When it comes to making a profit, stores have to think about the bottom line. Exercise 6: -ing” and” to” fragments: 1. Wanting to increase sales, store managers were told to recruit people with a pretty face. 2. Having the best-looking college kids working in the store would make everyone want to shop there. 3. To try to sell more merchandise stores require attractive sales associates to project their brand with energy and enthusiasm. 4. Experts say there is a growing trend to hire workers who are sexy, sleek, or simply good-looking. 5. Hiring for looks has caused some companies to end up facing law suits. 6. According to retailers, to make a profit, hiring for looks is necessary and smart. Exercise 7: Added Detail Fragments: 1. Some chain stores have been accused of discrimininating by race, by age, and by gender. They have provoked a wave of lawsuits.

(Attach the fragment. We simply connected the fragment to the sentence that came before it.)

2. Some stores, especially high end retailers, have hired employees to project their image. They believe they need to hire for looks in order to be competitive.

(Embed the fragment. The fragment has to be inserted next to the word that it modifies to avoid a dangling modifier.)

3. Some businesses have gone too far. For example, a hotel chain ordered managers to hire trendier workers. The president stepped over the line.

(Make a new sentence. In this case, we could make a new sentence by removing the subordinate word, “that.”)

Exercise 8: Missing subject fragments 1. Employees who don’t fit “the look” have been assigned to back rooms; however, they are asserting their rights and filing lawsuits. 2. Some young men say that they like to go to stores that hire good looking gals. They see nothing wrong with hiring for looks. 3. Stores are having to change their hiring practices and are focusing on competence instead of appearance.



Exercise 9: Correcting run-ons and fragments in student writing Hiring for looks is a very sad trend in society. In today’s world more than any

other time before, sex is pushed on youth. It is nearly impossible to watch a movie or

listen to a song without seeing or hearing some reference to sex. Casual sex is

portrayed as ok; appearing sexy is portrayed as necessary. This focus on sexiness has

led people to be very superficial. Too many people base their first impression, and often

their entire opinion of a person on how they look. Few people have the drive anymore to

get to know a person’s personality and the depths of their mind before making a

judgment.

This superficiality ties back to hiring policy because people see a sexy person in

a store and automatically make the assumption that they are perfect. Then because

these beautiful people work in the store, customers leap to the conclusion that its

products must be the reason for their perfection. We need to erase this “fact of life.” If

we decide that it isn’t necessary to look perfect to be accepted, then stores won’t have to

hire based on looks to make sales. The change begins with us. We need to care about

the real person inside, not simply the skin-deep outer shell.


DRAFT 8/07

Chapter 3: Noun Forms and Subject–Verb Agreement “The Rhetoric of the Op-Ed Page” Chapter Focus: Forming Nouns and Making them Agree with Verbs Nouns refer to people, animals, places, or abstract ideas. They are the subjects and objects of verbs, and together with verbs they make up sentences. They are also the objects of prepositions and can be modified by adjectives and used with determiners. Without nouns, we could not express our ideas. The more precise we are in choosing the nouns we use, the clearer and more effective our writing will be. When nouns or pronouns are used as subjects of sentences, they must agree with the main verb of the sentence. In other words, if the subject is singular, the verb must be singular; if the subject is plural the verb must be plural. This can be tricky if the subject is separate from the verb, or if it is not obvious whether the subject is singular or plural. This chapter based on “The Rhetoric of the Op-Ed Page” will help clarify how singular and plural nouns are formed and how to make sure subjects and verbs agree.

Activity 1: Guided composition activity Based on John Edlund, “Three Ways to Persuade” Teaching Focus: The purpose of this Guided Composition activity is to elicit a paragraph of student writing on the topic of “Three Ways to Persuade.” Using these paragraphs, teachers can informally diagnose students’ strengths and weaknesses in the area of noun formation and subject-verb agreement. At the end of the unit, students will edit their paragraphs, applying what they have learned during the “Noun Forms and Subject-Verb Agreement” unit. They will then compare their paragraphs with the original, paying particular attention to nouns and subject-verb agreement. Directions to the teacher:





Over 2,000 years ago, the Greek philosopher Aristotle argued that there were

three basic ways to persuade an audience. One way to convince an audience is through



the character or image that the writer projects. Another way is through the use of logical

arguments. Writers can also appeal to our emotions. Advertisers and politicians still

use these appeals today. A politician often questions the character and values of an

opponent. Advertisers frequently appeal to our desire to be attractive to the opposite

sex. Recognizing these appeals helps us decide if we agree with an argument.

3.1 NOUNS Singular / Plural Forms of Nouns Nouns can be written to show whether they refer to a single thing and are singular or whether they refer to more than one thing and are plural. Most plural nouns end with –s, but some nouns are irregular—their plurals are formed in different ways: ax axes church churches child children Proper nouns are the names of particular person, place, or thing. Proper nouns are capitalized. Jeremy Rifkin Koko Burger King Washington National Zoo Pennsylvania U.S. In conversation we can usually tell from context if a noun is singular or plural, so having the correct ending is often not essential. In writing, however, correctly forming nouns to indicate singular or plural is very important. You should make sure that the words you use “agree” in number with the verb and with other elements of the sentence that they are used with. Some common SINGULAR words and phrases Noun phrases Possessives Reflexive pronouns everyone his himself

(never “hisself”) everybody her herself no one its anyone someone one of the people attacking each student rhetoric The United States a group of students



Some common SINGULAR words and phrases (continued) Verbs is was has *runs, writes, uses (-s ending on verbs for singular subjects!) Some common PLURAL words and phrases Noun phrases Possessive adjectives Reflexive pronouns people their themselves women (never “theirselves” or some of the scientists “theirself,” or “themself”) most of the people a lot of students speaking and writing Exercise 2: Identifying singular and plural nouns Based on John Edlund, “Three Ways to Persuade” Directions: Underline the nouns in the following sentences from the Guided Composition. Label the nouns “sing.” for singular or “pl” for plural. pl sing sing 1. Over 2,000 years ago, the Greek philosopher Aristotle argued that there were three

pl basic ways to persuade an audience. 2. One way to convince an audience is through the character or image that the writer

projects.

3. Another way is through the use of logical arguments.

4. Writers can also appeal to our emotions.

5. Advertisers and politicians still use these appeals today.

6. A politician often questions the character and values of an opponent.

7. Advertisers frequently appeal to our desire to be attractive to the opposite sex.

8. Recognizing these appeals helps us decide if we agree with an argument.



Count nouns and non-count nouns Another category of nouns only occur in the singular. These are called non-count nouns because they cannot be counted. They include mass nouns that can’t be separated into parts and abstract nouns that refer to ideas. sugar sugars milk milks dirt dirts freedom freedoms discrimination discriminations knowledge knowledges Abstract non-count nouns are very important in expository writing since abstract ideas are at the heart of constructing arguments. All the words in bold below are non-count nouns.

The way animals are raised for food can cause controversy. The health and well-being of animals depend on their emotional state. Politics is another arena where ethos is an important factor. Logic and rationality are highly valued in our society.

Some nouns can be both count and non-count nouns depending on their meaning.

Artistotle argues that we will believe someone with good moral character. (Character is non-count when it means someone’s moral qualities.) The characters in the new James Bond movie are more complex than in the earlier movies. (Character is a count-noun when it refers to a role in a play or movie.)

Exercise 3: Identifying count and non-count nouns Based on John Edlund, “Three Ways to Persuade” Directions: Go to the section of “Three Ways to Persuade” called “Pathos: The Emotions of the Audience. Find five examples of count nouns and five non-count nouns. Put a question mark by any that you are not sure about. Now compare your list with a partner.

COUNT NOUNS NON-COUNT NOUNS 1.

1.

2.

2.

3.

3.

4.

4.

5.

5.



Nouns and Determiners Determiners are used with nouns to limit the meaning in some way: Articles: A quieter story has been unfolding behind the scenes around the world. Demonstratives: These researchers are finding that animals are a lot like us. Possessives: In studying pigs, scientists have found that their behavior is a lot like our behavior. Quantifiers: Some philosophers have argued that animals are non self-aware. Numerals: Two New Caledonian crows were able to use tools and even create them. “Number of” is used with count nouns: A large number of pigs were studied. “Amount of” is used with non-count nouns: A large amount of time was used to study them. “Fewer” is used with count nouns: Fewer pigs will suffer if they have human contact. “Less” is used with non-count nouns: Less human contact means more depressed pigs. “Little” is used before non-count nouns: People used to have little sympathy for animals. “Few” is used before count nouns: Few scientists studied animal feelings. Exercise 4: Words that go with singular and plural nouns: Based on Jeremy Rifkin, “A Change of Heart about Animals” Directions: Circle the correct word (or words) by deciding if it/they should have a plural or a singular form. 1. No one should assume their / his or her position on the treatment of animals is shared by others. 2. One fast food company has funded their / its own research about animals’ emotions. 3. Farmers must spend 20 seconds with each of their / his or her pigs each day. 4. A large amount/number of advertisements try to make us feel insecure about our appearance. 5. Some people haven’t considered their / his or her responsibility to animals. 6. We sometimes wish politicians would use less / fewer rhetoric and took more action to solve problems. 7. Scientists used to believe that only people felt grief when their / his or her loved ones died.



3.2 Subject and Verb Agreement

The basic rule of subject-verb agreement is that if the subject is singular, the verb should be singular; if the subject is plural, the verb should also be plural. Although it is usually natural to make subjects and verbs agree, if the subject is separated from the verb by other words or if there is more than one subject, it is more difficult. Verb forms that need to agree:

present tense : Scientists study whether animals feel emotions. present perfect tense: Some people have argued that animals have rights. helping verbs: Does an elephant feel grief for a dead mate? main verb “be”: Daily play is essential for happy pigs. Pay particular attention when you have the following situations: If two or more subjects are joined by the conjunctions and, or, or nor, the conjunction determines if you use a singular or a plural verb.

• When the subject of a sentence is composed of two or more nouns or pronouns connected by and, use a plural verb.

Correct: Anger and pity are powerful emotions. Incorrect: Anger and pity is powerful emotions.

• When the subject of a sentence is composed of two or more singular nouns or

pronouns connected by or or nor, use a singular verb.

Correct: Either anger or pity is an emotion that can cause us to take action.

Incorrect: Either anger or pity are an emotion that can cause us to take action.

• When the subject of a sentence is composed of a singular and a plural noun

connected by or or nor, the noun closest to the verb determines whether it is singular or plural.

Correct: In the commercial, neither the doctor nor the advertisers are

being completely honest. Incorrect: In the commercial, neither the doctor nor the advertisers is

being completely honest. If the subject and the verb are separated by a phrase or clause, make sure that the verb still agrees with the true subject of the sentence—not with a noun or pronoun in the phrase.



Examples: • one of the philosophers is (“philosophers” is not the subject) • the people who understand rhetoric are (“rhetoric” is not the subject) • the farmer, as well as his neighbors, is (“neighbors” is not the subject) • the farmer with all the pigs is playing (“pigs” is not the subject)

Some words, that might sound plural, are actually singular and take a singular verb. These words are: each, each one, either, neither, everyone, everybody, anybody, anyone, nobody, somebody, someone, and no one Examples:

• each of these animals is • either of the philosophers is • everyone is (“Everyone” seems plural, but the verb agrees with “one,” which is singular.)

In sentences beginning with “there is” or “there are,” be aware that “there” is not the true subject. Therefore, the verb has to agree with the noun that follows the verb. Examples:

• There are many arguments • There is an argument

Exercise 5: Correcting subject-verb agreement errors Based on John Edlund, “Three Ways to Persuade” Directions: Double underline the verb and underline the subject in these sentences. Write “sing” for singular or “pl” for plural over the subject. Then correct the subject-verb agreement problems. Note: All verbs should be in the present tense. When you are finished, compare your answers with a partner. If you are not sure, ask your teacher for help. sing 1. For Aristotle, a speaker’s character contribute to whether the audience will believe

the speaker’s argument.

2. There is several other reasons why an audience might believe an argument.

3. Advertising, both for products and in politics, depend on ethos of the person in the

advertisement.

4. One of the advertisements use a slender movie star to sell a new diet drug.

5. Each of the advertisements that rely on celebrities are really a deceptive illusion.

6. Writers, consciously creating their images through word choice and style, has

occurred for years.



7. Everyone, including student writers, want to communicate an image of authority.

8. Using difficult and unusual words seem like a good way to sound like expert, but this

strategy can backfire.

9. Sometimes a writer or a speaker attack the character of the opponent, a tactic called

an ad hominem argument.

Exercise 6: Making verbs agree with subjects in text Based on Jeremy Rifkin, “A Change of Heart about Animals” Directions: Underline the subject of the sentence. Then circle the verb in bold that agrees with the subject. When you have finished, compare your version to the original. Tool-making and the development of sophisticated language skills is/are just two

of the many attributes we thought was/were exclusive to our species. Self-awareness

is/are another.

Some philosophers and animal behaviorists has/have long argued that other

animals is/are not capable of self-awareness because they lacks/lack a sense of

individualism. Not so, according to new studies. At the Washington National Zoo,

orangutans given mirrors explores/explore parts of their bodies they can’t otherwise

see, showing a sense of self. An organgutan named Chantek who lives/live at the

Atlanta Zoo used a mirror to groom his teeth and adjust his sunglasses.

Of course, when it comes/come to the ultimate test of what

distinguishes/distinguish humans from the other creatures, scientists has/have long

believed that mourning for the dead represents/represent the real divide. It’s

commonly believed that other animals has/have no sense of their mortality and is/are

unable to comprehend the concept of their own death. Not necessarily so. Animals, it

appears, experiences/experience grief. Elephants will often stand next to their dead

kin for days, occasionally touching their bodies with their trunks.



Exercise 7: Making verbs agree with subjects in authentic text Based on “A Change of Heart about Animals: Letters to the Editor” Directions: Fill in the blanks with the correct form of the verb in parentheses. When you have finished, compare your version to the original. Re “A Change of Heart About Animals,” Commentary, Sept. 1: Jeremy Rifkin

__________ (argue) that science __________ (have) shown that the differences

between animals and humans __________(be) less than we __________ (think) and

that we should extend more “empathy” to animals. I disagree. In nature, animals

naturally __________ (kill) each other. If the hawk __________ (do) not care about the

feelings of the rabbit that it __________ (eat), why should humans be any different?

__________ (be) Rifkin saying that nature __________ (be) wrong?

Rifkin __________ (go) so far as to say that pigs __________ (need) social

contact and should be provided with toys. There __________ (be) many real human

children in the world who __________ (do) not have these things. __________ (be)

animals more important than human children? Should our society spend scarce

resources on toys for pigs?

Anyone who __________ (have) owned a pet __________ (know) that animals

can feel pain, happiness, anger, and other simple emotions. Most people __________

(have) heard a parrot or a mynah bird __________ (talk), but this __________ (be) just

imitation and mimicry. We __________ (do) not need science to tell us that animals can

do these things. However, __________ (do) a parrot understand what it __________

(be) saying? Can an animal write a poem, or even a grocery list?

Rifkin __________ (be) simply an animal rights activist hiding behind a handful of

scientific studies. He __________ (want) to ignore human suffering and focus on animal

discomfort. He __________ (want) animals to have more rights than humans. Let’s not

be fooled.



3.3 Student Writing Exercise 8: Editing your guided composition Directions to the teacher:

(1) Use an overhead projector or a computer to project the Guided Composition paragraph and ask students to read along as you read it out loud.


(3) Return the student paragraphs and ask them to edit based on what they’ve learned by doing the activities in the chapter. Don’t give them access to the original while they are doing this. Direct them to make sure they have formed nouns correctly and that their subjects and verbs agree.



Exercise 9: Editing your own writing Directions: Pick a paragraph from your letter to the editor. Make sure the nouns are formed correctly and that subjects and verbs agree. Put a question mark (?) in the margin next to any subjects or verbs that you are unsure about.

• Exchange your paragraph with a partner and discuss any questions you have about you partner’s marking. Check with your teacher if you can’t agree on an answer.

• Now edit your whole letter for subject-verb agreement.


DRAFT 8/07

Chapter 3: Nouns and Subject–Verb Agreement Answer Key Exercise 2: Identifying Singular and Plural Nouns Based on Edlund, “Three Ways to Persuade”

sing sing sing 1. Over 2,000 years ago, the Greek philosopher Aristotle argued that there were three pl basic ways to persuade. sing sing sing sing 2. One way is through the character or image that the writer projects. sing sing pl 3. Another way is through the use of logical arguments. pl pl 4. Writers can also appeal to our emotions. pl pl pl 5. Advertisers and politicians still use these appeals today. sing sing pl sing 6. A politician often questions the character and values of an opponent. pl sing sing 7. Advertisers frequently appeal to our desire to be attractive to the opposite sex.

sing pl sing 8. Recognizing these appeals can help us decide if we agree with an argument. (Words like “appealing” and “recognizing” are verbal nouns. They are always singular.) Exercise 3: Identifying Count and Non-Count Nouns Based on Edlund, “Three Ways to Persuade”

COUNT NOUNS NON-COUNT NOUNS emotion anger judgment pity country power minority rhetoric neighbor toothpaste (When determining if a noun is count or non-count, see if you can pluralize it: one emotion, two emotions but not two angers. Many nouns have a meaning that is a count noun and a meaning that is non-count. In “the power of rhetoric,” power is non-count. We wouldn’t say “the powers of rhetoric.” However, we can use “power” to mean “country” and then it’s a count noun: the nuclear powers. Dictionaries meant for English learners identify the different meanings according to whether they are count or non-count.)



Exercise 4: Words that Go with Singular and Plural Nouns: 1. No one should assume their / his or her position on the treatment of animals is shared by others. 2. One fast food company has funded their / its own research about animals’ emotions. 3. Farmers must spend 20 seconds with each of their / his or her pigs each day. 4. A large amount/number of advertisements try to make us feel insecure about our appearance. 5. Some people haven’t considered their / his or her responsibility to animals. 6. We sometimes wish politicians would use less / fewer rhetoric and took more action to solve problems. 7. Scientists used to believe that only people felt grief when their / his or her loved ones died. Exercise 5: Correcting subject-verb agreement errors sing 1. For Aristotle, a speaker’s character contributes to whether the audience will believe the speaker’s argument. pl 2. There are several other reasons why an audience might believe an argument. sing 3. Advertising, both for products and in politics, depends on ethos of the person in the advertisement. sing 4. One of the advertisements uses a slender movie star to sell a new diet drug. pl 5. Advertisements that rely on a celebrity to sell the product are really a deceptive illusion. pl 6. Writers, consciously creating their images through word choice and style, are something that has occurred for years. sing 7. Everyone, including student writers, wants to communicate an image of authority. sing 8. Using difficult and unusual words seems like a good way to sound like expert, but this strategy can backfire. sing 9. Sometimes a writer or a speaker attacks the character of the opponent, a tactic called an ad hominem argument.



Exercise 6: Making verbs agree with subjects in text Based on Jeremy Rifkin, “A Change of Heart about Animals” Directions: Underline the subject of the sentence. Then circle the verb in bold that agrees with the subject. When you have finished, compare your version to the original. Tool-making and the development of sophisticated language skills are just two of

the many attributes we thought were exclusive to our species. Self-awareness are

another.

Some philosophers and animal behaviorists have long argued that other animals

are not capable of self-awareness because they lack a sense of individualism. Not so,

according to new studies. At the Washington National Zoo, orangutans given mirrors

explore parts of their bodies they can’t otherwise see, showing a sense of self. An

organgutan named Chantek who lives at the Atlanta Zoo used a mirror to groom his

teeth and adjust his sunglasses.

Of course, when it comes to the ultimate test of what distinguishes humans

from the other creatures, scientists have long believed that mourning for the dead

represents the real divide. It’s commonly believed that other animals have no sense of

their mortality and are unable to comprehend the concept of their own death. Not

necessarily so. Animals, it appears, experience grief. Elephants will often stand next to

their dead kin for days, occasionally touching their bodies with their trunks.



Exercise 7: Making verbs agree with subjects in authentic text Based on “A Change of Heart about Animals: Letters to the Editor” Directions: Fill in the blanks with the correct form of the verb in parentheses. When you have finished, compare your version to the original. Re “A Change of Heart About Animals,” Commentary, Sept. 1: Jeremy Rifkin

argues (argue) that science has (have) shown that the differences between animals and

humans are (be) less than we thought (think) and that we should extend more “empathy”

to animals. I disagree. In nature, animals naturally kill (kill) each other. If the hawk

does (do) not care about the feelings of the rabbit that it eats (eat), why should humans

be any different? Is (be) Rifkin saying that nature is (be) wrong?

Rifkin goes (go) so far as to say that pigs need (need) social contact and should

be provided with toys. There are (be) many real human children in the world who do (do)

not have these things. Are (be) animals more important than human children? Should

our society spend scarce resources on toys for pigs?

Anyone who has (have) owned a pet knows (know) that animals can feel pain,

happiness, anger, and other simple emotions. Most people have (have) heard a parrot

or a mynah bird talk (talk), but this is (be) just imitation and mimicry. We do (do) not

need science to tell us that animals can do these things. However, does (do) a parrot

understand what it is (be) saying? Can an animal write a poem, or even a grocery list?

Rifkin is (be) simply an animal rights activist hiding behind a handful of scientific

studies. He wants (want) to ignore human suffering and focus on animal discomfort. He

wants (want) animals to have more rights than humans. Let’s not be fooled.


DRAFT 8/07

Chapter 4: Verbs for Expository Writing “The Value of Life”

Chapter Focus: Verbs in Expository Writing Verbs express actions or states of being. They are best understood as part of a text rather than simply as part of a sentence. Verbs express time and the relationships between actions that take place at different points in time. They are used to make general statements and give opinions, to make judgements and draw conclusions. Understanding how verbs function is essential for both reading and writing expository texts. Activities in this chapter are based on Amanda Ripley, “What is a Life Worth” and Lance Armstrong and Sally Jenkins, “It’s Not About the Bike: My Journey Back to Life.” Exercise 1: Guided composition activity Based on Amanda Ripley, “What is a Life Worth?” Teaching Focus: The purpose of this Guided Composition activity is to elicit a paragraph of student writing on the topic of “The Value of Life” containing a variety of verb tenses and time markers. Using these paragraphs, teachers can informally diagnose students’ strengths and weaknesses in the area of verbs. At the end of the unit, students will edit their paragraphs, applying what they have learned during the “Verbs for Expository Writing” unit. They will then compare their paragraphs with the original, paying particular attention to verbs. Directions to the teacher:





In the 19th century, the widow of a man who died was unable to claim money for

his death. However, during the last 100 years, courts have begun to put a dollar value

on a life. The concept of assigning a price tag to a life has always made people

squeamish. After all, money does not make a family whole again. Also, is a poor man’s



life worth less than a rich man’s? September 11 has again made clear that lives have

different economic values. The government is trying to help families maintain their

standard of living. But the families see the money as a measure of the value of their

loved one’s life.

4.1 Identifying Complete Verb Phrases

CHART 4.1A: The Complete Verb Phrase • has a grammatical subject (I, you, it...) Example: Americans believe in the value of life. subj • expresses a time (tense), completion (aspect), or duration Example: I believed (past tense) a year ago the value of life could not be measured. verb • can have one, two, or three helping verbs Example: We should not set a dollar value on life. helping main • always has a main verb (verb that carries meaning) Example: Courts have begun to put a dollar value on life. main

Helping Verbs: “Be” verbs: is, am, are, was, were, been “Have” verbs: have, has, had “Do” verbs: do, does, did Modals: can, will, must, should, ought to, may, might Phrasal Modals: be going to, be able to, be supposed to, had better, ought to, have to



Infinitive and –ing and –ed Forms of the Verb: Verbs can also function like other parts of speech: nouns and adjectives. These forms are not part of the verb phrase and should not be underlined when you are identifying verb phrases. Insurance companies need to measure the value of life. infinitive

Assigning a price tag to life makes people squeamish. Verbal noun Diagnosed with cancer, Lance Armstrong never stopped fighting. Verbal adjective Main Verb Forms

CHART 1.1B: Main Verb Forms Simple form Present Present Past Past 3rd person Participle Tense Participle (no-s) -s -ing -ed -ed __________________________________________________________________________

Regular walk walks walking walked walked Irregular make makes making made made be is being was been have has having had had run runs running ran run

Each main verb has five forms. Three of them can be used as complete main verbs the simple form (present) they believe (now) the - s form (present) she believes (now) the past tense form she believed (yesterday)



The other two forms can never stand alone as complete main verbs in a clause (they are incomplete without a helping verb) Incomplete Complete the -ing form walking She is walking (now) the participle form (-ed/-en form) believed, taken They have believed He was taken The simple form (without an ending) is used after modals and phrasal modals. modal I can believe phrasal modal He is going to walk The simple form is also used to construct negative statements and questions: negative He did not believe question Did they walk? 4.2 Time and Tense: Verb tenses indicate the time period you are referring to in your writing. So any discussion of verb tense starts with a discussion of time. Time has no beginning and no end. You can arrange time on a time line like this: yesterday today tomorrow | | | Sept. 9, 2001 Sept. 10, 2001 Sept. 11, 2001 If you think of time as a time line, then you can visualize verb tenses as sections of the time line. The key to understanding and using verb tenses in English is to look at them in the context of the passage that they are in rather than separately in individual sentences. Within passages, they occur in two time frames, either the past time frame or the present/future time frame. The Past Time Frame Verbs in the past time frame are used to express actions that took place and were completed in the past. They do not overlap the present or future tenses. Examples: The events of September 11 shocked Americans. Before September 11, we had believed in our safety as a nation.



The Present Time Frame The present and future tenses are clustered together because their time segments can overlap. Verbs that are formed with the present form of “have” (has/have) are part of the present time frame. They are used for events that started in the past but are continuing in the present or have some relevance to the present.

Examples: I have always believed that human life could not be measured in money. We believe in the value of life. The value of life will be measured differently in the future.

The simple present form of a verb is used for a general truth, something that everyone probably agrees is true. We call these generic statements.

Example: Every human life is valuable.

Time Frames and Time Markers In general, you cannot switch from the past time frame to the present/future time frame without a reason and a time marker that is a signal to your reader that you are switching time frames. For example, you would use a time marker like "two years ago" to switch from the present/future time frame to the past time frame.

Example: September 11 changed everything. Now we know that every life has a price.

Another case where it is permissible to switch time frames without a time marker is when using a direct quotation. A direct quotation must use the tense of the original passage. At the end of the quotation, the writer must simply return to the time frame that preceded it or indicate with a time marker that a shift is occurring.

Example: Lance Armstrong learned the value of life when he was diagnosed with cancer. His fellow patients taught him the valuable lesson that “People live, and in the most remarkable ways.”

Writers take care to make sure that the time frame they intend is clearly indicated to their readers by time markers.



Exercise 2: Identifying verbs + subjects and time frames Based on Amanda Ripley, “What Is a Life Worth?” Directions: Double underline the complete verb phrases and underline the subjects in the following paragraph and list them in the table below. Circle the time markers. Mark the places where the verb tense changes with an asterisk (*). Why do you think the author switched to a different time frame? In the fourth column, label the time frame of the verbs: past or present/future. The concept of assigning a price tag to a life has always made people intensely

squeamish. After all, isn’t it degrading to presume that money can make a family whole

again? And what of the disparities? Is a poor man’s life worth less than a rich man’s?

Over the past 100 years, U.S. courts have crafted their answers to these questions.

Forensic economists testify on the value of a life every day. They can even tell you the

average valuation of an injured knee (about $200,000). But until now, the public at large

has not had to reckon with the process and its imperfections. Until the terrorist attacks of

Sept. 11 created a small city’s worth of grieving families and the government established an

unprecedented fund to compensate them, the mathematics of loss was a little-known

science. Now the process is on garish display, and it is tempting to avert the eyes.

Subject Helping verb(s) Main Verb Verb Time Frame Concept has made (present/future)



4.3 Verb Use in Basic Time Basic Time means the time reference is the simple idea of past, present, or future. There is no reference to progressive or perfect meaning. Look at the time line below. PAST TIME FRAME PRESENT/FUTURE TIME FRAME simple past tense simple present tense simple future tense ________________________________________________________________________ paid pay/pays will pay did pay do/does pay am/is/are going to pay (timeline) 1 2 3 4 5 6 PAST NOW FUTURE Simple Past The government paid the families of those who died on 9/11 in 2003. Tense: (Paying the families is an action completed at a specific time in the past.) Simple Present Insurance companies pay accident victims everyday. Tense: (“Everyday” shows that this is a repeated or habitual action in present time.) Simple Future Charities will also pay many families. Tense: (This is the prediction of an action that will take place in the future.) The Simple Present Tense is used: • to describe repeated, habitual or characteristic actions (usually used with an adverb

of frequency). Note: an adverb is a word that modifies a verb.

Adverbs of frequency:

always, every day, usually, often, sometimes, frequently, rarely, never

Forensic economists frequently testify on the value of life. (“Frequently” tells us that this happens repeatedly, so we use the simple present tense.)

• to give general statements and expressions of opinion

They know the value of an injured knee. (This is a general statement about the expertise of forensic economists.)



• to describe states of being, sensory perceptions, conditions, judgments, conclusions, or emotional states.

A poor man’s life is worth less. That idea doesn’t seem fair.

(This first statement is a judgment; the second statement is a conclusion about that judgment, so we use the simple present tense for both.)

• with present time markers like: now, today, these days, presently Now the process of assigning value to life is on garish display. (“Now” is a time marker that usually marks the present tense.) • for generic statements. No matter whether you are in the past or the present/future

time frame, you may switch to the generic without the use of a time marker: PAST: Some of the families wanted to file lawsuits. GENERIC: Lawsuits are a way of forcing answers about the cause of death. PAST: The families sued the airlines in order to investigate what really happened.

(The first sentence describes an event that happened in the past and uses simple past tense. The next sentence uses present tense. It can follow immediately without a time marker because it makes a generic statement. The third sentence returns to the past tense because it again describes an event in the past.)

The Simple Past Tense is used: • to show that an action occurred at a known moment in the past The courts started to put a dollar value on human life.

(At a particular time—even though it isn’t stated—the courts made the first judgment about the monetary value of a life.)

• with past time markers like:

some time ago, two years ago, yesterday, before A train barreled over Joseph Hewins’ body on a wintry evening in 1845. (The simple past tense is used because the event occurred at a specific time.)



Note: Adverbs such as the time markers above and the word “not” can occur within a verb phrase but are not part of the phrase itself. Don’t underline them when you are identifying verb phrases. Did people before 9/11 have a different view of the value of life than now?

(To form a question use the helper “do” in the simple past plus the simple form of the verb. The subject of the sentence occurs between the two parts of the verb phrase. Adverbs and adverbial phrases such as “before 9/11” can occur there too.)

She did not know her husband was going to die when she left the note.

(Forming a negative requires using “did” (the past form of the helper “do”) followed by “not” and the simple form of the verb.)

The Simple Future Tense is used: • to show an action that will take place in the future Spouses and children of victims will receive compensation. (They haven’t received compensation yet, but we can predict it will happen in the future.) • with future time markers like In the future we will value human life differently than we did in the past.

(The future time marker requires use of the future tense; note that in the second clause, the past time marker, “in the past,” causes us to use the simple past tense.)

tomorrow, next year, in the future



Tips for Using Verbs in Academic Essays * The simple present tense is often used for the thesis statement and for topic sentences in an academic essay. The thesis statement and topic sentences generally express opinions, beliefs, or ideas which require the simple present. The simple present tense can also be used in body paragraphs to provide the writer’s commentary or analysis. Sample thesis statement: The unpredictability of life means we need to stop caring about material possessions and enjoy each moment of life. * The simple past tense is most often used for the support in a paragraph. It is used to describe past events or activities. These past events or activities can provide evidence for the writer’s position. The simple past tense is also used to write about events and information in a reading, another important source for supporting evidence. Sample support: Two years ago, I was shocked when my doctor found a quarter-sized mass on my thyroid gland. It turned out that I had Follicular Carcinoma. It hit me that I could die. Sample commentary: In It’s Not About the Bike, Lance Armstrong claimed, “People live, and in the most remarkable ways.” When he had to undergo treatment for cancer, he said that the experience helped him understand real heroism and courage more than all of his bike races. Exercise 3: Using basic verb tenses in expository writing Based on Amanda Ripley, “What is a Life Worth” Directions: Fill in the blanks in these paragraphs adapted from “What Is A Life Worth?” with the correct basic tenses. Use the simple past, present or future. Circle the time markers. Mark the places where the time frame changes with an asterisk (*). Why does the author change? Check to make sure the verbs agree with the subjects. The Victim Compensation Fund follows (follow) common legal practice as it

__________ (value) different lives differently. Courts always __________ (grant) money

on the basis of a person’s earning power in life. That ___________ (be) because courts

____________ (not attempt) to replace “souls.” However, the plan _____________ (call)

for deducting life insurance and pensions. Also, it __________ (allow) no flexibility in

determining non-economic damages. It __________ (place) the same value on the pain



and suffering of all the victims. Each family __________ (receive) $250,000 and an extra

$50,000 for a spouse and for each child.

On Sept. 11, one of the victims on American Flight 11 __________ (be) Lisa

Gordenstein. Later, after the tragedy, her husband __________ (say) that losing her

__________ (tear) his heart out. But now he __________ (say) he __________ (want) to

devote his life to raising his two young daughters. He __________ (not want) to file a

lawsuit against the government or the airline. He __________ (plan) to accept money from

the Victim Compensation Fund. He __________ (say), “I __________ (be) proud of what

my country is trying to do. I __________ (think) the intention __________ (be) noble.” He

__________ (tell) the story of the night before Lisa __________ (die). She __________

(slip) a clipping under of door of David’s home office. It __________ (be) a saying from

theologian Charles Swindoll that __________ (read), “Attitude to me __________ (be)

more important than facts.” David __________ (read) it at her memorial.

4.4 Use of Perfect Tense Verbs Perfect tense verbs are used to refer to activities or events that began before a basic time in past, present or future or past events that are relevant to the present time. Think of the perfect tenses as the "time before" tenses. They show the relationship between one state or event and a later state or event. PAST TIME FRAME PRESENT/FUTURE TIME FRAME simple past tense simple present tense simple future tense past perfect present perfect future perfect had decided have/has decided will have decided PAST NOW FUTURE



Present Perfect is used: • to describe an action that started in the past and continues into the present. (The

action is relevant to the present.) Courts have assigned a dollar value to life for a hundred years.

(A hundred years ago courts began assigning a dollar value to life. They are still assigning it now.)

Since 9/11, the public has become aware of the process of setting a dollar value on

a life. (“Shortly after 9/11” is a date in the past. The public started to become aware at that time in the past and is still aware now.)

• to describe an action that has been completed at an indefinite or unspecified time in

the recent past and is relevant to the present. The families have decided to accept compensation from the Victim Fund.

(At an unspecified time in the past the families decided to accept compensation, so we use the present perfect tense. This action is relevant to the present because it means that now the families cannot file lawsuits).

The families decided on January 18 to accept compensation from the Victim Fund. (At a specific time—on January 18—the families decided to accept compensation, so we use the simple past tense.)

Past Perfect is used: • to show that one past event happened before another past event. The past perfect

is used to describe the past event that occurred first (there must be two past times). By the time Kenneth Feinberg met with the families on Jan. 18, 2002, most of them

had decided to accept the government settlement. (The meeting was on January 18. “Most of the families” decided before they went to the meeting. Both events occurred in the past, but the “deciding” occurred before the meeting.)

After Hewins had spent the day shoveling snow off the track, he was hit by a train

on his way back to town. (Hewins shoveled snow; then he was hit by the train. Both events were in the past, but shoveling snow happened before being hit by the train.)



Future Perfect is Used: • to describe a future activity that will be completed by the time of another event or

time in the future (note: there must be two future times). By 2011, all of the families will have received compensation. (The families will have received compensation at sometime in the future before 2011.) Note: Use of the future perfect tense is rare. Exercise 4: Using basic and perfect verb tenses in expository writing Based on Lance Armstrong and Sally Jenkins, “It’s Not About the Bike: My Journey Back to Life” Directions: Fill in the blanks in these paragraphs with the correct tenses. Use both basic and perfect verb tense. Circle the time markers. Mark the places where the time frame changes with an asterisk (*). Why does the author change the time frame? Then check the verbs to make sure they agree with the subjects. I __________ (spend) my life racing my bike, from the back roads of Austin, Texas

to the Champs-Elysees, and I always __________ (worry) about some rancher in his

Dodge 4x4 running me headfirst into a ditch. Believe me, it __________ (happen) all the

time. Cyclists __________ (fight) an ongoing war with guys in big trucks, and so many

vehicles __________ (hit) me, so many times, in so many countries, that I __________

(lose) count. I __________ (learn) how to take out my own stitches: all that you

__________ (need) __________ (be) a pair of fingernail clippers and a strong stomach.

If you saw my body underneath my racing jersey , you would know what I am

talking about. I __________ (have) marbled scars on both arms and discolored marks up

and down my legs, which I __________ (keep) clean-shaven. Maybe that ___________

(be) why trucks always __________ (try) to run me over; they __________ (see) my sissy-

boy calves and decide not to brake. But cyclists __________ (have) to shave, because

when the gravel __________ (get) into your skin, it __________ (be) easier to clean and

bandage if you have no hair.



One minute you are pedaling along a highway, and the next minute, boom, you

__________ (be) face-down in the dirt. A blast of hot air __________ (hit) you, you

__________ (taste) the acrid, oily exhaust in the roof of your mouth, and all you can do

__________ (be) wave a fist at the disappearing taillights.

Cancer __________ (be) like that. I ___________ (not know) why I __________

(be) still alive. I ___________ (have) a tough constitution, and before I ___________

(have) cancer, my profession __________ (teach) me to compete against long odds and

big obstacles. That _________ (be) a good start, but I still __________ (think) my survival

__________ (be) more a matter of blind luck.

4.5 Progressive Tenses Progressive tense are used to describe an event or action in progress or on going at a time in the past, present or future. The emphasis is on the duration (length of time). Progressive tenses are usually used with active verbs; they are much less frequent with state of being verbs. Past Progressive Tense: Lance Armstrong was training for a race when his doctor told

him he had cancer. (“Was training” describes an action that was happening at a time in the past; that action was interrupted by another action in simple past time, “his doctor told him.”)

Present Progressive Tense: Armstrong is hoping to die at 100 years old. (“Is hoping” describes a present action that is occurring at

thepresent moment.” Armstrong is still riding his bike. (“Is riding” describes a present action that is happening at the

present period of time & will continue into the future.) Lance Armstrong is facing new challenges now. (a temporary state)



Armstrong has exceptional physical attributes. (a permanent state)

(A present action or state that is temporary uses present progressive. A present action or state that is permanent uses simple present. Armstrong’s challenges are temporary; his physical attributes are permanent. )

Future Progressive Tense: Athletes will be studying Armstrong’s success for years to

come. (“Will be studying” is an action that will be happening over a period

of time in the future.) Exercise 5: Using verb tenses to express time relationships Directions: The following timeline gives dates for the main events in Lance Armstrong’s life. Using these dates and information from the reading, “It’s Not About the Bike: My Journey Back to Life” and your own commentary, write a brief biography of Lance Armstrong. Try to use a variety of verb tenses including the generic present and the future. September 18, 1971 Born in Plano, Texas 1991 Won the US amateur cycling championship 1992 Turned professional but finished last in his first professional race 1993 & 1995 Won stages in the Tour de France with Team Motorola October 2, 1996 Diagnosed with testicular cancer that had spread to his lungs

and brain; told he had a 40% chance of survival. 1999 Made a cycling comeback after surgery and chemotherapy for

cancer; won the Tour de France. 2004 Founded the Lance Armstrong Foundation which sold yellow

“Livestrong” wristbands to support cancer victims and survivors and raise awareness about cancer.

2005 Won his 7th consecutive Tour de France title 2006 62 million “Livestrong” wristbands sold 2004-06 Allegations that Armstrong used performance-enhancing

steroids



2006 An independent investigator for the world cycling organization,

UCI, criticized the drug testing process and recommended against disciplinary action against Armstrong

2006 Plans to continue his work as an activist to change cancer

policies Directions: Underline the subjects and double underline the verbs in your biography and list them with the rules that explain their use in the chart below. Circle time markers. Finally, add any needed time markers and edit the verbs so they express accurately the relationship among events in Armstrong’s life. Check for subject-verb agreement. Then fill in the chart below. When indicated, specify the time that goes with the rule.

Verb Phrase Tense Rule 1. is simple present make a judgment/give an

opinion 2. was born simple past event completed at a specific

time in the past (Sept. 12, 1972)

3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. 20. 21. 22. 23. 24.



4.6 Student Writing Exercise 6: Editing student writing Based on a student essay on “The Value of Life” Directions: Underline the subjects and double-underline the verbs in the paragraphs below. Circle the time markers and notice the places where the time frame changes. Why does the author change? Then check for subject-verb agreement. (Note: The writer of this student essay has used and cited an outside source, an article from the magazine Newsweek to respond to the topic about the value of life.) Life was a precious commodity like a diamond. But unlike a diamond, life have

no set monetary value. There is many arguments against putting a monetary value on

life, but one of the most impressive comes from Alephonsion Deng. He is one of the

26,000 Sudanese Lost Boys who forced to flee violence in their country in the 1980s. In

the essay “I Have Had to Learn to Live with Peace,” he describes his ordeal in the

Sudanese desert. “We are crossing a thousand miles of war ravaged country without the

hope of sanctuary. Bullets had replace food, medicine, shelter, and my loving parents. I

lived on wild vegetables, eat mud from Mother Earth, and drink urine from my own body

(Deng 16).” He had to walk across an entire country from refugee camp to refugee

camp, always with the thought of death before him. He does not have the luxury of

being able to go down to the grocery store when he ran out of food. He have to

scavenge for whatever he could get his hands on. Today Mr. Deng would probably be

outraged by the ideas of the 9/11 victims’ fund, which have assign a monetary value to

the lives of the 9/11 victims. After what he go through, he would probably say that it was

impossible to give something as valuable as life a dollar value. Life is more valuable

than any gem on Earth. That is why it will not have a monetary value and never should.

Deng, Alephonsion. “I Have Had to Learn to Live With Peace.” Newsweek 31 October, 2005: 16



Directions: For each correction you have made, fill in the following chart.

Verb Phrase Tense Rule 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12




(3) Return the student paragraphs and ask them to edit based on what they’ve learned by doing the activities in the chapter. Don’t give them access to the original while they are doing this. Direct them to make sure they have used time markers as needed and that their verb are correct.



Exercise 8: Editing your own writing Directions: Pick a paragraph from your essay on The Value of Life.

• Edit the paragraph, making sure you have used time markers as needed and that the verbs are correct.

• Put a question mark (?) in the margin next to any verbs or time markers that you are unsure about.

• Exchange your paragraph with a partner and discuss any questions you have about you partner’s editing. Check with your teacher if you can’t agree on an answer.

• Now edit the rest of your essay for verb errors.


DRAFT 8/07

Chapter 4: Verbs for Expository Writing Answer Key

Exercise 2: Identifying verbs + subjects and time frames Based on Amanda Ripley, “What Is a Life Worth?” The concept of assigning a price tag to a life has always made people intensely

squeamish. After all, isn’t it degrading to presume that money can make a family whole

again? And what of the disparities? Is a poor man’s life worth less than a rich man’s?

Over the past 100 years, U.S. courts have crafted their answers to these questions.

Forensic economists testify on the value of a life every day. They can even tell you the

average valuation of an injured knee (about $200,000). But until now, the public at large

has not had to reckon with the process and its imperfections. Until the terrorist attacks of

Sept. 11 created a small city’s worth of grieving families and the government established an

unprecedented fund to compensate them, the mathematics of loss was a little-known

science. Now the process is on garish display, and it is tempting to avert the eyes.

Subject Auxiliary verb(s) Main Verb Verb Time Frame concept has made present/future it is* present/future money can make present/future life is present/future courts have crafted present/future economists testify present/future they can tell present/future public has had present/future attacks created past government established past mathematics was past process is present/future it is* present/future

* “degrading” and “tempting” are adjectives. They are not part of the main verb.



Exercise 3: Using Basic Verb Tenses in Expository Writing The Victim Compensation Fund follows (follow) common legal practice as it values

(value) different lives differently. Courts always grant (grant) money on the basis of a

person’s earning power in life. That is (be) because courts do not attempt (not attempt) to

replace “souls.” However, the plan calls (call) for deducting life insurance and pensions.

Also, it allows (allow) no flexibility in determining non-economic damages. It places (place)

the same value on the pain and suffering of all the victims. Each family will receive

(receive) $250,000 and an extra $50,000 for a spouse and for each child.

*On Sept. 11, one of the victims on American Flight 11 was (be) Lisa Gordenstein.

After the tragedy, her husband said (say) that losing her tore (tear) his heart out. But *now

he says (say) he wants (want) to devote his life to raising his two young daughters. He

does not want (not want) to file a lawsuit against the government or the airline. He plans

(plan) to accept money from the Victim Compensation Fund. He says (say), “I am (be)

proud of what my country is trying to do. I think (think) the intention is (be) noble.” He

tells (tell) the story of *the night before Lisa died (die). She slipped (slip) a clipping under of

door of David’s home office. It was (be) a saying from theologian Charles Swindoll that

read (read), “Attitude to me is (be) more important than facts.” David read (read) it at her

memorial.

(Sometimes context establishes the time frame rather than a specific time marker. Context tells us that the first two verbs must be in the present tense to indicate habitual action since the Victim Compensation Fund “follows common legal practice.” The present tense “is” in the saying from Swindoll is a direct quotation that uses the tense of the original. No time marker is needed even though the passage is in the past time frame.)



Exercise 4: Using Basic and Perfect Verb Tenses in Expository Writing Based on Lance Armstrong and Sally Jenkins, “It’s Not About the Bike: My Journey Back to Life” I have spent (spend) my life racing my bike, from the back roads of Austin, Texas to

the Champs-Elysees, and I always worry (worry) about some rancher in his Dodge 4x4

running me headfirst into a ditch. Believe me, it happens (happen) all the time. Cyclists

fight (fight) an ongoing war with guys in big trucks, and so many vehicles have hit (hit) me,

so many times, in so many countries, that I have lost (lose) count. I have learned (learn)

how to take out my own stitches: all that you need (need) is (be) a pair of fingernail clippers

and a strong stomach.

If you saw my body underneath my racing jersey, you would know what I am talking

about.* I have (have) marbled scars on both arms and discolored marks up and down my

legs, which I keep (keep) clean-shaven. Maybe that is (be) why trucks always try (try) to

run me over; they see (see) my sissy-boy calves and decide not to brake. But cyclists have

(have) to shave, because when the gravel gets (get) into your skin, it is (be) easier to clean

and bandage if you have no hair.

One minute you are pedaling along a highway, and the next minute, boom, you are

(be) face-down in the dirt. A blast of hot air hits (hit) you, you taste (taste) the acrid, oily

exhaust in the roof of your mouth, and all you can do is (be) wave a fist at the disappearing

taillights.



Cancer is (be) like that. I do not know (not know) why I am (be) still alive. I have

(have) a tough constitution, and before I had (have) cancer, my profession taught (teach)

me to compete against long odds and big obstacles. That is (be) a good start, but I still

think (think) my survival is (be) more a matter of blind luck.

* This sentence expresses a hypothetical condition, so the overall time doesn’t change.

Exercise 5: Using verb tenses to express time relationships (Sample response)

Lance Armstrong: Champion Cyclist and Cancer Survivor

Lance Armstrong is perhaps the greatest cyclist ever. He was born in Plano,

Texas on September 18, 1971. At the age of 20, he won the US amateur cycling

championship. He lost his first race as a professional. However, Armstrong’s greatest

strength is his perseverance. After this setback, he went on* to win the World Cycling

Championship in Norway.

He had already won stages of the Tour de France, cycling’s most important race,

in both 1993 and 1995 when his doctors diagnosed him with testicular cancer on October

2, 1996. The cancer had spread to his lungs and brain, and his doctors gave him a 40%

chance of survival. He had surgery and chemotherapy and returned to his training.

In 1999 he made his cycling comeback and won the Tour de France. He also

started the Lance Armstrong Foundation and started selling Livestrong wristbands to

raise money. The Foundation’s goal is to help cancer victims and survivors and raise

cancer awareness. Since that time he has won seven consecutive Tour de France races

and has sold 62 million wristbands. He has also faced allegations that he had used

performance-enhancing steroids. An independent investigation has recently cleared

him of these allegations. In the future, he will continue to work to increase awareness

about cancer and to promote policies that will help cancer victims and survivors.

* “went on” is a two word verb; you could substitute a single verb, “proceeded.”



Verb Phrase Tense Rule is simple present make a judgment/give an opinion

was simple past event completed at a specific time in the past (Sept. 12, 1972)

won simple past event completed at a specific time in the past (when he was 20)

lost simple past event completed in the past

is simple present draw a conclusion

went on simple past event completed at a specific time in the past (after he lost his first professional race)

had won past perfect event completed before another event in the past (before he was diagnosed)

diagnosed simple past event completed at a specific time in the past (Oct. 2, 1996)

had spread past perfect event completed before another event in the past (before he was diagnosed)

gave simple past event completed at a specific time in the past (after he was diagnosed)

had simple past event completed at a specific time in the past (after he was diagnosed)

returned simple past event completed at a specific time in the past (after his diagnosis, before 1999)

made simple past event completed at a specific time in the past (in 1999)

won simple past indefinite time in the past

started simple past event completed at a specific time in the past (in 1999)

began simple past event completed at a specific time in the past (in 1999)

is simple present general statement

has faced present perfect event in the recent past that is relevant to the present

had used past perfect event completed before another event in the past (facing allegations in 2004-06)

has cleared present perfect event in the recent past that is relevant to the present (means he can still compete professionally)

will continue future prediction of future action

will help future prediction of future action



Exercise 6: Editing student writing Based on a student essay on “The Value of Life”

1. is 2. has Life was a precious commodity like a diamond. But unlike a diamond, life have

3. are no set monetary value. There is many arguments against putting a monetary value on life, but one of the most impressive arguments comes from Alephonsion Deng. He is one of the 26,000 Sudanese Lost Boys who were forced to flee violence in their country in the 1980s. In the essay “I Have Had to Learn to Live with Peace,” he describes his

4. crossed ordeal in the Sudanese desert. “We are crossing a thousand miles of war ravaged

5. replaced country without the hope of sanctuary. Bullets had replace food, medicine, shelter, and

6. ate 7. drank my loving parents. I lived on wild vegetables, eat mud from Mother Earth, and drink urine from my own body (Deng 16).” He had to walk* across an entire country from refugee camp to refugee camp, always with the thought of death before him. 8. did He does not have the luxury of being able to go down to the grocery store when he ran

9. had out of **food. He have to scavenge for whatever he could get his hands on. Today Mr. 10. has assigned Deng would probably be outraged by the idea of the 9/11 victims’ fund, which have

11. went assign a monetary value to the lives of the 9/11 victims. After what he go through, he 12. is would probably say that it was impossible to give something as valuable as life a dollar

13. does value. Life is more valuable than any gem on Earth. That is why it will not have a monetary value and never should.

Deng, Alephonsion. “I Have Had to Learn to Live With Peace.” Newsweek 31 October, 2005: 16.

* “had to walk” is a phrasal modal so the whole phrase is the main verb and should be underlined. ** “ran out of” is a three word verb



Verb Phrase Tense Rule

1. is simple present judgment/opinion

2. has simple present agrees with singular subject

3. are simple present agrees with plural subject

4. crossed simple past event completed at a specific time in the past (in 1980’s)

5. replaced simple past event completed at a specific time in the past (in 1980’s)

6. ate simple past event completed at a specific time in the past (in 1980’s)

7. drank simple past event completed at a specific event in the past (in 1980’s)

8. did simple past event completed at a specific time in the past (in 1980’s)

9. had simple past event completed at a specific time in the past (in 1980’s)

10. has assigned present perfect event in the recent past that is relevant to the present

11. went simple past event completed at a specific time in the past (in 1980’s)

12. is simple present judgment/opinion

13. does have simple present judgment/opinion


DRAFT 8/07

CHAPTER 5: Sentence Focus and Defensible Assertions “Racial Profiling”

Chapter Focus: Using Academic Language to Construct Arguments Writers often can make choices about how they direct a reader’s attention. In constructing arguments, they want the reader to focus on the most important element in the sentence. Making choices about using passive or active constructions gives them that control. Writers also use qualifying language to make sure that their assertions can be defended. All the activities in this chapter are based on Bob Herbert, “Hounding the Innocent.” Exercise 1: Guided composition activity Teaching Focus: The purpose of this Guided Composition activity is to elicit a paragraph of student writing on the topic of “Racial Profiling.” Teachers can informally diagnose students’ strengths and weaknesses in the area of use of the passive and qualifying words and structures. At the end of the unit, students will edit their paragraphs, applying what they have learned during the “Sentence Focus and Defensible Assertions” unit. They will then compare their paragraphs with the original, paying particular attention the use of the passive and qualifying words and structures. Directions to the teacher:





According to Bob Herbert, ethnic profiling is practiced by law-enforcement

personnel throughout the country. From 1992 to 1995, 42,000 mostly Black or Hispanic

people were arrested for loitering. In 1999 the loitering law was declared

unconstitutional. In many parts of the country in the 1990’s, black and Hispanic motorists

were also pulled over simply because of their race. In New York, 45,000 people were

stopped and frisked, but only 10,000 were arrested. The director of the ACLU claimed,

“Virtually everybody who was arrested is innocent, and virtually everybody is not white.”



Loitering laws can help to curb gang activity, but these laws may also be used to harass

innocent people. Most Americans have no idea how much racial profiling is carried out

by the police. Bob Herbert believes that citizens, as a result, are often humiliated by the

police. A strong stand must be taken against the use of racial profiling.

5.1 Passive Verbs Forming the Passive

• A passive verb always includes a form of be plus the participle of the verb. (A participle is the ed/-en form of the verb.) Examples: is practiced, was arrested, have been taken

• In general, only verbs that have a direct object (transitive verbs) can occur in the passive.

active: The police stopped motorists based on their race. passive: Motorists were stopped by the police based on their race.

• Therefore, verbs like be, agree, die, seem, happen, appear do not have passive forms because they never have direct objects. However, some verbs can be either transitive or intransitive with a slight change in meaning.

Intransitive (no direct object after the verb) Active: Racial profiling happened in all major cities. Incorrect: Racial profiling was happened in all major cities. Intransitive (no direct object after the verb) Active: The attitude towards racial profiling has changed a lot. Transitive (a direct object follows the verb) Active: The legislature has changed the law on loitering. Passive: The anti-loitering law has been changed. The doer of the action in an active sentence is the subject. In a passive sentence, the doer

is called the agent and is expressed in a prepositional phrase with "by." Often the agent is omitted.

doer = subject Active: The officer stopped the motorist for speeding. doer = agent Passive: The motorist was stopped (by the officer) for speeding.



CHART 5.1 Forming the Passive Past Present Future _______________________________________________________________________ Active The officer stopped The officer stops The officer will stop the motorist yesterday. her everyday. her next week. _______________________________________________________________________ Passive The motorist was stopped She is stopped She will be stopped yesterday. every day. next week. _______________________________________________________________________ Active The officer was stopping The officer is stop- (Not in common use) the motorist. ping her now. _______________________________________________________________________ Passive The motorist was being The motorist is being (Not in common use) stopped. stopped now. _______________________________________________________________________ Active The officer had stopped The officer has The officer will have the motorist. stopped her. stopped her by tomorrow. _______________________________________________________________________ Passive The motorist had been The motorist has The motorist will

stopped. been stopped. have been stopped by tomorrow. _______________________________________________________________________ Active The motorist should The motorist should have stopped. stop. _______________________________________________________________________ Passive The motorist should The motorist should have been stopped. be stopped. Note: -ing and –ed forms of the verb can also be active or passive: Being stopped by a law enforcement officer is a scary experience. No one expects to be stopped without a good reason.



Exercise 2: Identifying passive verbs Directions: Underline the subjects and double underline the passive verbs in the guided composition. Put parentheses ( ) around the “by” phrases that indicate the agent. 1. According to Bob Herbert, ethnic profiling is practiced by law-enforcement personnel

throughout the country.

2. From 1992 to 1995, 42,000 mostly Black or Hispanic people were arrested for

loitering.

3. In 1999 the loitering law was declared unconstitutional.

4. In many parts of the country in the 1990’s, black and Hispanic motorists were also

pulled over simply because of their race.

5. In New York, 45,000 people were stopped and frisked, but only 10,000 were arrested.

6. The director of the ACLU claimed, “Virtually everybody who was arrested is innocent,

and virtually everybody is not white.”

7. Loitering laws can help to curb gang activity, but these laws may also be used to

harass innocent people.

8. Most Americans have no idea how much racial profiling is carried out by the police.

9. Bob Herbert believes that citizens, as a result, are often humiliated by the police.

10. A strong stand must be taken against the use of racial profiling.

Using Passive Verbs Effectively 1. You may use the passive when the agent or doer of the action is not known, not

important, is obvious, or you don’t want to mention the agent. Passive: John was arrested for loitering. (The agent is obvious—when someone is arrested it is generally by the police— so the writer doesn’t choose to express the agent.)



2. You may use the passive when you want the receiver of the action rather than the agent of the action to be the subject. As a result, the focus of the sentence will be on the receiver of the action, not the agent.

Passive: Many African-Americans and Hispanics have been stopped simply because of their race. (The writer has put “African-Americans and Hispanics” in the foreground by making them the subject of the sentence. The agent is not specified although we can infer it is “the police.”)

3. You may use the passive when you want to avoid the informality of using the

impersonal you or they. Active: You should not stop innocent motorists based on their race. Passive: Innocent motorists should not be stopped based on their race. Exercise 3: Changing active verbs to passive verbs Directions: Rewrite the following sentences from active to passive and indicate how the focus of the sentence changes. If you include the agent in your rewrite, put the “by” phrase in parentheses ( ). Talk with a partner about why a writer might choose one focus instead of the other for each sentence. 1. In many parts of the country, law enforcement personnel pulled over black and Hispanic motorists simply because of their race. In many parts of the country, black and Hispanic motorists were pulled over simply because of their race. Active sentence focus: law enforcement personnel

Passive sentence focus: black and Hispanic motorists 2. In New York, the police stopped and frisked 45,000 people, but they only arrested 10,000. Active sentence focus: Passive sentence focus: 3. The police only stopped people who were not innocent. Active sentence focus: Passive sentence focus: 4. The extent of race-based profiling is unknown by most Americans. Active sentence focus: Passive sentence focus:



5 People were told to move on and were arrested if they failed to move. Active sentence focus: Passive sentence focus: 6. But the police are supposed to protect citizens, not humiliate them. Active sentence focus: Passive sentence focus: 5. 2 MODALS One special kind of helping verb is called a modal. They are different from other helping verbs like “have, “do,” and “be.” Unlike those verbs, modals don’t have endings like regular verbs. You say, “The policeman has stopped the car,” but you don’t say “The policeman cans stop the speeding car.” Modals are a special category of verbs that are used to express ability, possibility, permission, certainty, necessity, obligation, preference and prediction. The meaning of the modal changes the logical meaning of the main verb so the reader must make an inference or a prediction:

• “The policeman stopped the speeding cars.” is just a statement of fact. If you say, “The policeman might stop the speeding cars,” you are suggesting that it is possible he will stop the cars, but there’s an equal chance he won’t.

• If you say, “The policeman should stop the speeding cars,” you are making a recommendation, but just because you believe the policeman should stop the speeding car, it doesn’t mean that he actually will.

• If you say, “The policeman must stop the speeding cars,” you are communicating that you think it is urgent that he stop the speeding cars.

Using modals appropriately is an important way to communicate these and other precise meanings to your readers. Forming Verb Phrases with Modals CHART 5.2A: Modals and Their Meanings Modal Possible Meanings can ability or permission could possibility or permission may possibility or permission might possibility or permission must degree of certainty or necessity shall necessity should obligation will prediction would possibility or preference



Modals:

• always come first in the verb phrase • always occur with a subject • always are followed by the simple form of the verb (or by the auxiliaries have and

be) Note: Never put an “-s” or an “-ed” on a modal. Never follow a modal by an infinitive (to + simple verb). Racial profiling can happen anywhere right now. Not “cans happen”. Not “can to happen”. It could happen to someone you know in the future. It might be difficult to prevent. Present/Future time modals:

• are followed by the simple form of the verb or an auxiliary. • may refer either to the present or the future

The policeman now should avoid using racial profiling. The policeman may avoid using racial profiling in the future. Racial profiling must be stopped. Racial profiling will end when we all realize how unjust it is. Note: English does not have a real future tense. We use the modal “will” to predict what will happen in the future. Past time modals (modal perfects):

• are followed by have and the past participle • may refer to either the past or the past of a future point

The policeman may have avoided using racial profiling in the past. (It’s possible that the policeman did not use racial profiling.) Racial profiling should have ended by the time our children are adults.

(By the time in the future when our children are adults, racial profiling will no longer exist, but it has not ended yet.)

Exceptions:

• could plus the simple form of the verb is used to refer to a past time (ability)

From 1992 to 1995 law enforcement officials could arrest people based on their ethnicity.

(In the past the officials had the ability to use racial profiling; nothing stopped them.)



Phrasal Modals Some verbs have the same meaning as modals but they are formed like regular verbs. They have an -s in the third person singular, present tense, and are followed by an infinitive

CHART 5.2B: Phrasal Modals and Equivalent Modals Phrasal Modals Modals be able to We are able to stop racial profiling. can We can stop racial profiling. be going to We are going to stop racial profiling. will We will stop racial profiling. are about to We are about to stop racial profiling. have to We have to stop racial profiling must We must stop racial profiling have got to We have got to stop racial profiling be supposed to We are supposed to stop racial profiling. should We should stop racial profiling ought to We ought to stop racial profiling. be allowed to We are allowed to stop racial profiling. may We may stop racial profiling. be likely to We are likely to stop racial profiling. could We could stop racial profiling. to be about to We are about to stop racial profiling. would We would stop racial profiling. Note: Both phrasal modals and modals are followed by the simple form of the verb.

Exercise 4: Identifying modals and their meanings Based on a student essay on Racial Profiling Directions: Read the following paragraphs from a student essay about racial profiling. Double underline the complete verb phrases in the passage; circle the modals and phrasal modals. Because of their position of authority, police may use their authority to shame

members of minority groups. Statistics show that a police officer is more likely to pull over a

black man for speeding than a white man. When someone is judged by skin color or

accent, it can be shameful and humiliating. It’s not fair; it’s not equal; it’s not just. Police

officers should protect and serve everyone, not just white people.

If people are judged daily by skin color and nationality, unity will cease to exist.

How can people unite if they cannot look past the surface? Racial profiling may be the

greatest cause of division among Americans. “United we stand, but divided we fall.” If

America cannot look past its differences, this problem could become worse. If that

happens, America, the land of the great, will fall.



Directions: Fill in the chart below with the verb phrases that have modals or phrasal modals. Indicate the meaning of the modal or phrase modal in the second column. Verb Phrase with Modal/Phrasal Modal Meaning 1. may use ability 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. Exercise 5: Using modals Directions: Complete the following sentences using a modal or functional modal. 1. After the antiloitering law was declared unconstitutional, Chicago police _____________ ________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________ 2. Most Americans ________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________ 3. The safety of ordinary citizens _____________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________ 4. In the future, the color of someone’s skin _____________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________ 5. Being in the presence of suspected gang members ____________________________ ________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________



5.3 MAKING ASSERTIONS THAT CAN BE SUPPORTED Academic writers often make generalizations as they explain an issue and argue for their position. However, they do not want to alienate their audience by being too direct or assertive or by making claims that cannot be supported. Too general: Law enforcement professionals use racial profiling. More defensible: In the 1990’s law enforcement professionals in many major cities often used racial profiling. Defensible assertions often answer the following questions:

• Who is doing something? • How often does it happen? • How likely is it? • Under what circumstances does it happen? • When does it happen? • Where does it happen?

Writers use a variety of strategies to answer these questions. Active verbs or passives with agents indicate who is doing the action. Modals indicate that an assertion is possible or probable but not a fact. Adverbs (words that modify verbs) or verbs themselves can indicate how often something happens, or that a statement is not black-and-white but that there is room for doubt, or that it is true under some circumstances but not true under others. Sometimes writers want to make the strongest assertion possible because they feel strongly that their position is the only possible one. In that case, they will not qualify their position, but they then must be careful to persuade their audience that their position is correct. Intentionally strong assertion: Racial profiling is morally wrong under all circumstances. STRATEGIES FOR MAKING ASSERTIONS DEFENSIBLE Indicate who: change passives to active or specify agent The arrests were made in order to combat gang activity. The police in Chicago made the arrests in order to combat gang

activity. The arrests were made by the police in Chicago in order to

combat gang activity.



Indicate frequency: use adverbs like sometimes, always, often, usually, generally, rarely, occasionally Too general: The laws were aimed at curbing gang activity. More defensible; Sometimes laws were aimed at curbing gang activity. Too general: The stops resulted in arrests. More defensible: The stops rarely resulted in arrests. Indicate probability: use modals like may, might, can, could, or use adverbs like possibly, probably, generally, or use nouns like a possibility, a probability Too general: Police stops are in no way connected to the commission of a

specific crime. More defensible: Police stops may not be connected to the commission of a specific

crime. There is a possibility that police stops are not connected to the commission of a specific crimes.

Too general: Innocent people are stopped, frisked, and harassed. More defensible: Innocent people can be stopped, frisked, and harassed. Innocent people are possibly stopped, frisked, and harassed. Indicate uncertainty: use verbs like seem, appear, tend, suggest Too general: The statistics show that police use racial profiling. More defensible: The statistics seem to show that police use racial profiling. Too general: Everybody is innocent. More defensible; Everybody appears to be innocent. Indicate quantity: use quantifiers like few, some, many, most, virtually Too general: Arrests were made based on racial profiling. More defensible: Many arrests were made based on racial profiling. Too general: Everybody is innocent. More defensible: Virtually everybody is innocent



Exercise 6: Revising Sentences to Make Assertions Defensible Based on Sentences from Student Essays on Racial Profiling Directions: Rewrite these sentences to answer the following questions:


Then explain how you would be able to defend the assertions in your revised sentence. 1. These arrests are believed to be due to racial profiling. Bob Herbert believed that these arrests in Chicago for loitering in the 1990s were due to racial profiling.

I can defend my assertion because I have indicated where and when the arrests took place and specified who believes the arrests were due to racial profiling. 2. Police use their authority to shame members of minority groups. ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ 3. People are judged daily because of skin color and nationality. ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ 4. If racial profiling continues, America, the land of the great, will fall. ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ 5. Judging someone by the way he or she looks helps the search for terrorists. ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________



6. There are really not any benefits to racial profiling because racial profiling is completely wrong no matter what. ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ 7. Traffic stops based on racial profiling are in no way connected to the commission of a specific crime. ______________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ 8. Racial profiling has always been a negative affliction to society. ______________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________ 5.4 STUDENT WRITING Exercise 7: Editing student writing Based on a student essay on “Racial Profiling” Directions: Revise assertions in the paragraph below that are too general, and make passive verbs more precise by changing to active form. Use the following questions as a guide:


If you need to rewrite an entire sentence, asterisk* the sentence and write your new version at the end of the paragraph.

Racial profiling helps officers determine likely suspects, but blindly accepting

stereotypes leads law enforcement in the wrong direction. After the Oklahoma City

bombing, people suspected the crime had been committed by Middle Eastern terrorists.

Instead, the bomber turned out to be a white male and U.S. Army veteran who had

earned a Bronze Star. He seemed like the least likely person to commit such a crime.

Similarly, the well-to-do John Walker Lindh was an unlikely candidate for a Taliban



fighter, but he had left Marin County and traveled to Afghanistan to join the jihad.

Focusing on race or ethnicity diverts attention from the real perpetrators of crimes, and

profiling always stands in the way of effective law enforcement. However, the use of

profiling has actually grown since September 11. According to Amnesty International,

the human rights organization, not only does the practice of profiling by race, religion,

and national origin violate human rights, but it is also totally counter-productive.




(3) Return the student paragraphs and ask them to edit based on what they’ve learned by doing the activities in the chapter. Don’t give them access to the original while they are doing this. Direct them to revise assertions in the paragraph that are too general, and make passive verbs more precise by changing to active form.



Exercise 9: Editing your own writing Directions: Pick a paragraph from your essay.

• Revise assertions in the paragraph that are too general, and make passive verbs more precise by changing to active form.

• Put a question mark (?)in the margin next to any sentences that you are unsure about.

• Exchange your paragraph with a partner and discuss any questions you have about your partner’s marking. Check with your teacher if you can’t agree on an answer.

• Now edit the rest of your essay by revising assertions that are too general and making passive verbs more precise by changing to active form.


DRAFT 8/07

CHAPTER 5: Sentence Focus and Defensible Assertions Answer Key Exercise 2: Identifying passive verbs

1. According to Bob Herbert, ethnic profiling is practiced (by law-enforcement

personnel) throughout the country.

2. From 1992 to 1995, 42,000 mostly Black or Hispanic people were arrested for

loitering.

3. In 1999 the loitering law was declared unconstitutional.

4. In many parts of the country, black and Hispanic motorists were pulled over* simply

because of their race.

5. In New York, 45,000 people were stopped and frisked, but only 10,000 were arrested.

6. The director of the ACLU claimed, “Virtually everybody who has been arrested is

innocent, and virtually everybody is not white.”

7. Most Americans have no idea of how much racial profiling is carried out* (by the

police.)

8. The laws were often designed to curb gang activity but have been used to harass

innocent people.

9. Bob Herbert believes that citizens, as a result, are often humiliated (by the police).

10. A strong stand must be taken against the use of racial profiling.

* two word verb



Exercise 3: Changing active verbs to passive verbs 1. In many parts of the country, law enforcement personnel pulled over black and Hispanic motorists simply because of their race. In many parts of the country, black and Hispanic motorists were pulled over simply because of their race. Active sentence focus: law enforcement personnel Passive sentence focus: black and Hispanic motorists 2. In New York, the police stopped and frisked 45,000 people, but they only arrested 10,000. In New York, 45,000 people were stopped and frisked, but only 10,000 were arrested. Active sentence focus: the police Passive sentence focus: 45,000 people 3. The police only stopped people who were not innocent. Only people who were not innocent were stopped. Active sentence focus: police Passive sentence focus: people who were not innocent 4. Most Americans have no idea how much police carry out racial profiling. Most Americans have no idea how much racial profiling is carried out (by police). Active sentence focus: police Passive sentence focus: racial profiling 5. Legislators designed the laws to curb gang activity. The laws were designed to curb gang activity. Active sentence focus: legislators Passive sentence focus: laws 6. But the police are supposed to protect citizens, not humiliate them. But citizens are supposed by be protected (by the police), not be humiliated by them. Active sentence focus: the police Passive sentence focus: citizens



Exercise 4: Identifying modals and their meanings Because of their position of authority, police may use their authority to shame

members of minority groups. Statistics show that a police officer is more likely to pull over

a black man for speeding than a white man. When someone is judged by skin color or

accent, it can be shameful and humiliating. It’s not fair; it’s not equal; it’s not just. Police

officers should protect and serve everyone, not just white people.

If people are judged daily by skin color and nationality, unity will cease to exist.

How can people unite if they cannot look past the surface? Racial profiling may be the

greatest cause of division among Americans. “United we stand, but divided we fall.” If

America cannot look past its differences, this problem could become worse. If that

happens, America, the land of the great, will fall.

Verb Phrase with Modal/Phrasal Modal Meaning 1. may use ability

2. is likely to degree of certainty

3. can be ability

4. should protect and serve necessity

5. will cease prediction

6. can unite ability

7. can look ability

8. may be possibility

9. can look ability

10. could become possibility

11. will fall prediction

Exercise 5: Using modals (possible responses) 1. After the antiloitering law was declared unconstitutional, Chicago police could no longer use the law to target African-Americans and Hispanics. 2. Most Americans would not want racial profiling to happen to them. 3. The safety of ordinary citizen ought to be the first concern of law enforcement.



4. In the future, the color of someone’s skin should not be used as a cause to arrest them. 5. Being in the presence of suspected gang members sometimes can be a reason for police surveillance.

Exercise 6: Revising sentences to make assertions defensible Based on sentences from student essays on racial profiling (possible responses) 1. These arrests are believed to be due to racial profiling. Bob Herbert believed that these arrests in Chicago in the 1990s were due to racial profiling. I can defend my assertion because I have indicated where and when the arrests took place and specified who believes the arrests were due to racial profiling. 2. Police use their authority to shame members of minority groups. Some members of the police may use their authority to shame members of minority groups. I can defend my assertion because I have specified that only some members of the police misuse their authority. 3. People are judged daily because of skin color and nationality. Authorities may judge members of minority groups because of their skin color and nationality. I can defend my assertion because I've specified who might use racial profiling and who they might use it against. 4. If racial profiling continues, America, the land of the great, will fall. If racial profiling continues, it is likely to damage American society. I could defend my assertion because I predict that racial profiling probably will be harmful to society, but I don't absolutely say that it will. 5. Judging someone by the way he or she looks helps the search for terrorists. Judging someone by the way he or she looks could possibly help the search for terrorists. I could defend my assertion because I acknowledge that racial profiling might possibly be useful in fighting terrorism.



6. There are really not any benefits to racial profiling because racial profiling is completely wrong no matter what. There are few benefits to racial profiling because it is generally counterproductive. I could defend my assertion because I've indicated that there might be some benefits and racial profiling might not be always counterproductive. 7. Harassing black and Hispanic motorists, who are perfectly innocent, on streets and highways is just completely dumb. Harassing black and Hispanic motorists, who may be innocent, on streets and highways is unjustified. I could defend my assertion because I've indicated that I recognize that not all black and Hispanic motorists are perfectly innocent while I've still maintained that harassing them Is not justified. 8. Traffic stops based on racial profiling are in no way connected to the commission of a specific crime. Traffic stops based on racial profiling are usually not connected to the commission of a specific crime. I can defend my assertion because I’ve suggested that the traffic stops are not connected to a crime in most cases, but it’s possible that some cases may be. 9. Racial profiling has always been a negative affliction to society. Since the 1990’s, racial profiling in the United States has been an affliction to society. I can defend my assertion because I’ve limited it to the time period for which I have evidence and I’ve specified the United States because I don’t know about racial profiling in other countries. Exercise 7: Editing student writing (Possible response)

In the area of law enforcement, racial profiling is designed to help officers

determine likely suspects, but blindly accepting stereotypes can lead law enforcement in

the wrong direction. After the Oklahoma City bombing, some officials suspected the

crime had been committed by Middle Eastern terrorists. Instead, the bomber turned out

to be a white male and U.S. Army veteran who had earned a Bronze Star. He seemed

like the least likely person to commit such a crime. Similarly, the well-to-do John Walker

Lindh seemed an unlikely candidate for a Taliban fighter, but he had left Marin County



and traveled to Afghanistan allegedly to join the jihad. In many cases, focusing on race

or ethnicity can divert attention from the real perpetrators of crimes, and some legal

experts believe that profiling may stand in the way of effective law enforcement.

However, statistics suggest that the use of profiling has actually grown since September

11. Amnesty International, the human rights organization, maintains that not only does

the practice of profiling by race, religion, and national origin violate human rights, but it is

also usually counter-productive.


DRAFT 8/07

CHAPTER 6: Connecting Ideas in Expository Writing “Juvenile Justice”

Chapter Focus: Writers use three main methods to show the logical relationships between clauses and the ideas they express:

• Coordination: and, nor, but, or, for, yet, and so • Subordination: words like because, after, and although. • Linking with transitions: words like therefore, thus, and however

These words can express logical relationships such as adding one idea to another, suggesting alternative ideas, or showing that one idea is the result of another idea. In expository writing, clear relationships between ideas are essential for making convincing arguments and providing supporting information. Exercise 1: Guided composition activity Based on Adam Liptak, “Supreme Court to Rule on Executing Young Killers” Teaching Focus: The purpose of this Guided Composition activity is to elicit a paragraph of student writing on the topic of “Juvenile Justice.” Teachers can informally diagnose students’ strengths and weaknesses in the area of sentence variety and the use of the coordinaton, subordination, and transition words to show logical relationships. At the end of the unit, students will edit their paragraphs, applying what they have learned during the “Connecting Ideas in Expository Writing” unit. They will then compare their paragraphs with the original, paying particular attention the use of the passive and qualifying words and structures. Directions to the teacher:





After the Supreme Court agreed to review the juvenile death penalty, Robert

Acuna was put on trial for his life. He had killed two elderly neighbors. His youth should

have counted in his favor because he was only 17. Instead, his brooding adolescent

behavior may have hurt him, and the jury sentenced him to die. If the Supreme Court



prohibits the execution of juveniles, 71 other juveniles on death row will be spared. The

Court will consider whether putting youths on death row is cruel and unusual

punishment, or if it is justified. Teenagers are more likely to confess, and they may not

fully understand the justice system. Also, jurors may mistakenly believe that the

adolescent brain is fully developed; therefore, they may not be the best judges of

whether juveniles should die for their crimes.

6.1: CONNECTING IDEAS USING COORDINATION Coordination is used to connect two ideas that are equally important. Each idea is expressed in a main clause, and the coordinating word comes before the second clause. (A main clause has a subject and a verb. Review Chapters 1 and 2 if you are unsure about what a clause is.)

main clause comma + coordinating word Example: Each idea is expressed in an main clause, and main clause the coordinating word comes before the second clause. CHART 6.1: The Meaning of Coordinating Words coordinating word meaning and addition of equally important idea but, yet contrast of equally important ideas or choice between two equally important ideas so second clause is the result of the first for second clause is the cause of the first



Exercise 2: Identifying coordinating words and logical relationships Based on Adam Liptak, “Supreme Court to Rule on Executing Young Killers” Directions: Circle the coordinating word, and identify the relationship it expresses in the following sentences: 1. Robert Acuna was very nonchalant, and he laughed at inappropriate things. Logical relationship: 2. His behavior alienated the jury, but he may not have understood what was happening. Logical relationship: 3. Does the small number of juveniles sentenced to death show that the system is working, or does it show that the punishment is cruel and unusual? Logical relationship: 4. Jurors may not believe research about teenage brains, so they may believe juveniles should be sentenced like adults. Logical relationship: Circle the commas in the sentences above. Is the rule the same for all the sentences?

Punctuation rule: ________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ 6.2: CONNECTINGING IDEAS USING SUBORDINATION Every sentence must have a main clause; however, some sentences also have a clause that depends on the main clause to form a complete sentence. This clause is called a subordinate clause and begins with a subordinating word. CHART 6.2A Expressing Logical Relationships with Subordination ______________________________________________________________________ Reason: because, since Time: when, after, while, before, since, as soon as, once, until, whenever Opposition/Contrast: although, though, even though, while Condition: if, when(ever), unless, otherwise Result/Purpose: so . . . that, so that, in order that



Example:

main clause The main clause can stand alone subordinating word subordinate clause while the subordinate clause must be connected to another clause. The logical relationship between these two clauses is contrast.

CHART 6.2B: Punctuation of Sentences with Subordinate Clauses ______________________________________________________________________ Subordinate Clause, Main Clause Because S + V + (Object) , S + V + (Object). Since . . . , While . . . , When . . . , Although . . . , Main Clause Subordinate Clause S + V + (Object) because . . . . since. . . while . . . when . . . although . . . If the subordinate clause comes first, it is always followed by a comma. If the main clause comes first, no comma is needed.

Exercise 3: Identifying subordinating words and logical relationships Based on Adam Liptak, “Supreme Court to Rule on Executing Young Killers” Directions: Highlight the subordinating word, and identify the relationship it expresses in the following sentences: 1. Whenever a teenager commits a brutal crime, it often attracts great publicity. Logical relationship: 2. Justice Scalia argued for leaving the decision to juries so that the worst of the worst would receive the death penalty. Logical relationship: 3. Since age can shape every aspect of a capital case, questions are raised about how reliable and consistent jurors have been. Logical relationship:



4. Jurors observe juvenile offenders closely so that they can draw conclusions about their guilt. Logical relationship: 5. Although some jurors believe that adolescents have diminished responsibility, others view them as a terrible danger to society. Logical relationship: 6. When Acuna was in front of the jury, he was nonchalant and laughed at inappropriate things. Logical relationship: Circle the commas in the sentences above. Why do some sentences have commas and others do not?

Punctuation rule: ________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________

Problems with subordination: BECAUSE/BECAUSE OF Because introduces a subordinate clause; because of introduces a noun phrase.

Subordinate Clause: Because Mr. Acuna looked tough, the jury thought he was guilty.

Noun Phrase: He was convicted because of his age.

WHILE While can refer to time and mean during; while can also express concession and mean although.

Time: While Mr. Acuna was on trial, someone tried to make him look young.

Concession: While some jurors believe juveniles should be treated leniently, others believe they should be sentenced like adults.



SINCE Since can refer to time from a particular point in the past; since can express a reason and mean because.

Time: Two years had passed since Simmons had committed the crime.

Reason: The prosecutor said that Christopher Simmons should be sentenced as an adult since he brutally murdered an elderly couple.

EVEN THOUGH/EVEN Even though expresses concession and means the same as although. Even is a modifier and is used to emphasize that something is surprising or unexpected. It is followed by a noun phrase.

Concession: Even though Tate was not an adult, the prosecutor argued that he should be sentenced as one.

Emphasis: Even the most liberal juror might be influenced by the brutality of the crime.

ALTHOUGH/BUT Although is a subordinating word that expresses concession. But is a coordinating word that expresses opposition or contrast. They cannot both be used in the same sentence.

Concession: Although Nathaniel Brazill was only fourteen years old, he was found guilty of second-degree murder.

Contrast: Nathaniel Brazill was only fourteen years old, but he was found guilty of second-degree murder.

Incorrect: Although Nathaniel Brazill was only fourteen years old, but he was found guilty of second-degree murder.

6.3: CONNECTING IDEAS USING TRANSITIONS Transitions, like coordinating words, are used to connect ideas that are of equal importance. They join two separate sentences; therefore, either a semicolon or a period must be used at the end of the first sentence. Place the transition at the beginning of the second sentence, and always place a comma after the transition. Example: sentence semicolon They join two separate sentences; transition + comma sentence therefore, either a semicolon or a period must be used at the end of the first sentence.



Exercise 4: Identifying transitions and logical relationships Based on Lundstrom, “Kids are kids—until they commit crimes” Directions: Circle the transition, and identify the relationship it expresses in the following sentences: 1. Lionel Tate is only 14; however, he might be sentenced to life in prison. Logical relationship: contrast 2. Teenagers under 18 aren’t allowed to smoke, drink, or vote; nevertheless, we are eager to try and sentence them as adults when they commit crimes. Logical relationship: 3. We don’t really believe that fourteen year olds are adults; otherwise, we would let them vote. Logical relationship: 4. We’ve created an image that teenagers should be feared; meanwhile, juvenile crime is way down. Logical relationship: 5. Statistics don’t bear out the hysteria; for example, the juvenile arrest rate for murder fell 68% from 1993 to 1999. Logical relationship: Circle the semicolons and commas in the sentences above. Punctuation rule:



CHART 6.3: WORDS THAT CONNECT IDEAS

Logical relationship

Coordinating Words

Subordinating Words/Phrases

Transition Words/Phrases

Addition and, not only . . . but also, both . . . and

in addition, furthermore, moreover, also, besides

Concession or Contrast

but, yet although, though, while, even though, in spite of the fact that

however, nevertheless, on the other hand, still, in contrast, instead, on the contrary

Alternatives, choice, or option

or, nor, either . . . or, neither . . . nor

alternatively, on the other hand

Cause or Reason

for because, since, as, in that

therefore, consequently, thus, for that reason

Result

so so that, such that as a result, therefore, thus, consequently, for this reason

Purpose

so that, in order that, (in order) to*

Condition

if, even if, unless, provided that, as long as, when(ever), wherever

otherwise

Time or Sequence

when, after, before, until, till, as, while, since, once, now that, whenever, as soon as, by the time that

then, first, second, third, finally, next afterwards, after that, before that, meanwhile, at first, eventually

Place

where, wherever

Comparison or Contrast

but whereas, if similarly, likewise, in contrast

Restatement in other words, that is

Example, Generalization, or Conclusion

for example, for instance, in general, overall, in conclusion

* “In order that” is followed by a subordinate clause: In order that juries can be impartial, they have to understand juvenile psychology. “in order to” is followed by a phrase: In order to win sympathy in juvenile trials, defense lawyers try to demonstrate that their client is just an ordinary kid.



Exercise 5: Using connecting words to join clauses Based on Lundstrom, “Kids are kids—until they commit crimes” Directions: Rewrite the following sentences from the previous exercises using alternative connecting words and phrases. Make sure the logical relationship stays the same. Check that you have punctuated the sentences correctly. Underline the new connecting word or phrase. 1. Since age can shape every aspect of a capital case, questions are raised about how reliable and consistent jurors have been. Rewrite with a transition: 2. Although some jurors believe that adolescents have diminished responsibility and should be treated leniently, others view them as a terrible danger to society. Rewrite with a coordinating word: 3. Despite the fact that he is only 14, Lionel Tate might be sentenced to life in prison. Rewrite with a transition: 4. Teenagers under 18 aren’t allowed to smoke, drink, or vote; nevertheless, we are eager to try and sentence them as adults when they commit crimes. Rewrite with a subordinating word: 5. We don’t really believe that fourteen year olds are adults; otherwise, we would let them vote. Rewrite with a subordinating word:



Exercise 6: Writing sentences using connecting words Based on Greg Krikorian, “Many kids called unfit for adult trial” Using Greg Krikorian, “Many kids called unfit for adult trial,” in a small group write original sentences using the three connecting methods. Highlight the connecting word and circle commas and semicolons, if needed, and label the kind of connecting word you used. Make sure that your sentences are accurate and that the connecting word or phrase expresses the correct logical relationship between the ideas. Edit your sentences to be sure they are correctly formed and punctuated. 1. Thousands of juveniles are tried as adults in the U.S; however, they may not be competent to stand trial. (transition) 2. ____________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ 3. ____________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ 4. ____________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ 5. ____________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ 6. ____________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ 6.4 STUDENT WRITING Exercise 7: Editing student writing to make logical connections clear Directions: Use the three ways to combine clauses to improve the following passage from a student essay. Highlight the connecting words and circle the punctuation that you use with them. Some people would say that teenagers should know right from wrong. Teenagers are

very young. Do we, as teenagers, know right from wrong? We are prone to do things.

They are frowned on by adults. We are in a stage of life. We are most susceptible to

peer-pressure. During my own limited research, I have found something surprising.



Teenagers feel the death penalty should be strongly enforced. They believe teens

should be treated as adults. The teenagers I interviewed believed that we should face

the consequences of our actions like adults. Jurors should not accept excuses like,

“Well, I’m just a kid and it was a stupid mistake.” Adults were faced with the question of

whether adolescents should be tried as adults. They said they didn’t have the “power” or

“right” to judge whether someone should die or not. Teenagers should face up to their

actions. They should accept the consequences of their behavior. The death penalty

should not be applied to any person. No one has the right to judge that someone else

should die.




(3) Return the student paragraphs and ask them to edit based on what they’ve learned by doing the activities in the chapter. Don’t give them access to the original while they are doing this. Direct them to revise assertions in the paragraph that are too general, and make passive verbs more precise by changing to active form.

(4) Ask students to fill in the chart below for the original paragraph and for their paragraph..



CONNECTING WORD

CONNECTING METHOD LOGICAL RELATIONSHIP

Original paragraph 1. after subordination time

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

Your paragraph 1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.




6.5 CONNECTING IDEAS USING PARALLEL STRUCTURE Coordinating words are used not only to connect main clauses, but also to join other elements in sentences: verb phrases, infinitives, –ing forms, nouns, noun phrases, adjectives, adverbs, and subordinate clauses. When two matching grammatical structures are joined by coordinating words, we call them parallel structures. Using parallel structures shows that the elements are equal and enables writers to write more varied and interesting sentences. To make elements in a sentence parallel, use the same grammatical form (nouns, adjectives, verbs, phrases, clauses, etc.) for each element in the series. Use a conjunction (and, but, or, either . . . or, neither . . . nor) to join the elements. Parallel Structures Example Verb phrases Nathanial Brazil would be tried as an adult and (would)* face life

in prison.

Infinitives His inability to give a reason or (to)* understand his sentence

indicated he was not really an adult.

--ing words Studying the brain and showing how it changes as children grow

up may explain the behavior of teens.

Nouns/noun phrases Reporters and advocates for teens ask if new studies explain the

erratic behavior of teenagers.

Adjectives I believe the behavior of teens is neither impulsive nor erratic.

Adverbs I don’t believe teens behave either impulsively or erratically.

Subordinate Clauses --that clauses The jury ruled that Brazill would be tried as an adult and (that

he)* was guilty of second-degree murder. --who clauses Brazill, who looked dazed during his trial and (who)* could not

explain why he killed his teacher, was nevertheless tried as an adult.

*Note: Words that are part of a parallel structure do not have to be repeated if they are the same in the second structure. However, it is all right to repeat them to make the parallel structure clear. A pronoun may replace a noun in the second parallel structure.



Exercise 9: Identifying Parallel Elements Based on Paul Thompson, “Startling Finds on Teenage Brains” Directions: Underline the parallel elements in the following sentences. 1. My research group has scanned the brains of kids from 3 to 20 and has pieced

together “movies” showing how brains develop.

2. Language systems and mathematical systems develop at different times.

3. In children brain growth and skill development occur together.

4. The loss of brain tissue in teenagers was massive and dramatic.

5. Brain cells and connections are lost during the teenage years in the areas controlling

impulses, risk-taking, and self-contrlol.

6. The frontal lobes of the brain regulate our emotions and are vastly immature

throughout the teenage years.

7. Prosecutors said that he brought a gun to school and that therefore he planned the

crime.

8. Scientists say that teenagers, who have lost brain cells and who have less self-

control, should not be treated like adults.

Exercise 10: Editing Sentences for parallel structure Based on Marjie Lundstrom, “Kids are kids—until they commit crimes” Directions: Rewrite the following sentences to make the relevant elements parallel. Underline the parallel elements. 1. A judge will decide whether Lionel Tate is a child or should he be tried as an adult. 2. Kids under 18 can’t smoke, drink, or going to R movies without our permission. 3. The immaturity of juveniles is the reason why they don’t vote, having curfews, and have their driving privileges restricted. 4. Charging children as adults is inconsistent and unfairly because of their immaturity. 5. Today we see criminal defendants who cannot shave, still playing with fire trucks, and loved to act out scenes from video games. 6. Kids’ brains are different and still develop.



Exercise 11: Completing sentences with parallel elements Based on Marjie Lundstrom, “Kids are kids—until they commit crimes” Directions: Complete the following sentences by adding parallel elements so that the sentences make sense in the context of the topic of juvenile justice. Underline the parallel elements. 1. The kids’ crimes are heinous and ________________________________________. 2. The zeal to round up kids and ___________________________________________. 3. The two seemingly “good kids” brutally and ________________________________. 4. The nation’s juvenile arrest rate for murder fell and __________________________. 5. The media have perpetuated the image of violent children and _________________. 6. Research suggests that sentencing adolescents as adults creates career criminals and __________________________________________________________________. 6.6 EDITING STUDENT WRITING Exercise 12: Editing student writing for parallel structure Based on a student essay on “Juvenile Justice” Directions: Find the elements in this essay that should be parallel and correct them so that they are parallel. Write the new version on a separate sheet of paper. Then underline the parallel structures.

As a high school student I am up close and personally with teens every day of

my life. Some of these kids are bright and maturely, but there are others who are

obviously not. I have seen boys snort bleach to make their classmates laugh or drinking

liquid dish soap in order to win ten dollars. When they were doing these stunts, they

were not thinking that they could be injured or getting sick. All they were thinking was

that they could get a few kicks out of it and made their friends think they were cool.

Another thing I have seen is teenage emotion. Teenagers have strong emotions and

moody. I have seen brutal fights break out over name calling and insulting. I have seen

a kid breaking down and bawl their eyes out over a failed test. Emotions are not an

excuse for violent behavior, but if you mix emotions with poor decision making skills, you

are definitely in for a disaster.



Exercise 13: Editing your own writing Directions: Pick a paragraph from your essay on juvenile justice.

• Add any connecting words that would make the connections between your ideas clearer.

• Underline the parallel structures that you have used and make sure they are correct.

• Put a question mark (?) in the margin next to any connecting words or parallel structures that you are unsure about.

Exchange your paragraph with a partner and discuss any questions you have about you partner’s marking. Check with your teacher if you can’t agree on an answer. Now edit the rest of your essay for connecting word and parallel structure errors. Add connecting words or parallel elements as needed.


DRAFT 8/07

CHAPTER 6: Connecting Ideas in Expository Writing Answer Key

Exercise 2: Identifying coordinating words and logical relationships 1. Robert Acuna was very nonchalant, and he laughed at inappropriate things. Logical relationship: adds one equally important idea to another 2. His behavior alienated the jury, but he may not have understood what was happening. Logical relationship: contrasts two equally important ideas 3. Does the small number of juveniles sentenced to death show that the system is working, or does it show that the punishment is cruel and unusual? Logical relationship: gives alternative between two equally important ideas 4. Jurors may not believe research about teenage brains, so they may believe juveniles should be sentenced like adults. Logical relationship: links an idea with its consequence Punctuation rule: a comma comes after the first clause and before the coordinating word Exercise 3: Identifying subordinating words and logical relationships 1. Whenever a teenager commits a brutal crime, it attracts great publicity. Logical relationship: the subordinating clause indicates a condition; the main clause indicates the consequence.

(“Whenever” has the meaning of “if” and indicates that publicity is the consequence of a teenager committing a crime. Contrast to #6 where “when” indicates time.)

2. Justice Scalia argued for leaving the decision to juries so that the worst of the worst would receive the death penalty. Logical relationship: the subordinating clause indicates the consequence of the main clause.

(Scalia believed that the result of leaving the decision to juries would be that the worst of the worst would receive the death penalty.)



3. Since age can shape every aspect of a capital case, questions are raised about how reliable and consistent jurors have been. Logical relationship: the subordinating clause indicates the cause of the event in the main clause.

(Questions are raised because age shapes capital cases.) 4. Jurors examine juvenile offenders closely so that they can draw conclusions about their guilt. Logical relationship: the subordinating clause indicates the purpose of the event of the main clause.

(The purpose of jurors examining juvenile offenders is to be able to draw conclusions.) 5. Although some jurors believe that adolescents have diminished responsibility, others view them as a terrible danger to society. Logical relationship: the subordinating clause concedes (admits) something that is denied in the main clause.

(Many jurors believe adolescents are a terrible risk, but there are other jurors who believe something different—that they have diminished responsibility.)

6. When Acuna was in front of the jury, he was nonchalant and laughed at inappropriate things. Logical relationship: the subordinating clause indicates that one event happened at the same time as another event.

(While Acuna was on trial, his behavior was unworried and inappropriate.) Circle the commas in the sentences above. Why do some sentences have commas and others do not? Punctuation rule: When the subordinating clause comes first in the sentence, it is followed by a comma. When the main clause is first, there is no comma.



Exercise 4: Identifying transitions and logical relationships 1. Lionel Tate is only 14;however, he might be sentenced to life in prison. Logical relationship: The first clause makes a contrast to the statement in the second clause. (Both are main clauses.)

(Lionel Tate was only 14, but in spite of being only a teenager, he could still be sentenced to life.)

2. We are eager to try and sentence teenagers as adults when they commit crimes; nevertheless, they aren’t allowed to smoke, drink, or vote. Logical relationship: The transition makes a contrast between the statement in the first clause and the one in the second. (Both are main clauses).

(We treat teenagers as adults when they commit crimes, but in contrast, we treat them as less than adults when it comes to adult privileges.)

3. We don’t really believe that fourteen year olds are adults; otherwise, we would let them vote. Logical relationship: The transition expresses a condition in the first clause that would be necessary to make the second clause true. (If we did believe that fourteen year olds were adults, we would let them vote.) 4. We’ve created an image that teenagers should be feared; meanwhile, juvenile crime is way down. Logical relationship: The transition expresses a time relationship between the two main clauses.

(We’ve created a frightening image of teenagers, and at the same time juvenile crime is down.)

5. Statistics don’t bear out the hysteria; for example, the juvenile arrest rate for murder fell 68% from 1993 to 1999. Logical relationship: The transition indicates that the second clause gives an example of the statement in the first clause.

(Statistics don’t support the hysteria about juvenile crime. An examples of those statistics is the 68% drop in the juvenile arrest rate for murder.)

Punctuation rule: A semicolon comes at the end of the first main clause. A comma comes after the transition and is followed by the second main clause.



Exercise 5: Using connecting words to join clauses (Possible responses; answers will vary.) 1. Since age can shape every aspect of a capital case, questions are raised about how reliable and consistent jurors have been. Rewrite with a transition: Age can shape every aspect of a capital case; consequently, questions are raised about how reliable and consistent jurors have been. 2. Although some jurors believe that adolescents have diminished responsibility and should be treated leniently, others view them as a terrible danger to society. Rewrite with a coordinating word: Some jurors believe that adolescents have diminished responsibility and should be treated leniently, but others view them as a terrible danger to society. 3. Despite the fact that he is only 14, Lionel Tate might be sentenced to life in prison. Rewrite with a transition: Lionel Tate is only 14; nevertheless, he might be sentenced to life in prison. 4. Teenagers under 18 aren’t allowed to smoke, drink, or vote; nevertheless, we are eager to try and sentence them as adults when they commit crimes. Rewrite with a subordinating word: Even though teenagers under 18 aren’t allowed to smoke, drink, or vote, we are eager to try and sentence them as adults when they commit crimes. 5. We don’t really believe that fourteen year olds are adults; otherwise, we would let them vote. Rewrite with a subordinating word: If we really believed fourteen year olds were adults, we would let them vote.

(Because rewriting this sentence results in a condition that is true—we don’t believe fourteen year olds are adults—we have to change the verb tense in the main clause.)

Exercise 6: Writing sentences using connecting words (Possible responses; answers will vary) 1. Thousands of juveniles are tried as adults in the U.S; however, they may not be competent to stand trial. (transition) 2. Because 20% of 14 or 15 year olds had levels of reasoning comparable to mentally ill adults, experts argue that they are not competent to stand trial. (subordinating word)



3. Age was an important factor in understanding what was happening in court, but previous experience with the law was not. (coordinating word) 4. It’s not clear if young people are wrongly convicted; nevertheless, everyone has a right to understand what’s happening to them in court. (transition) 5. Eighteen-year-olds year olds appear to function like adults, so it is legal to try them in adult courts. (coordinating word) 6. Sometimes young teenagers confessed to crimes rather than remain silent since they had trouble understanding what would happen to them as a result. (subordinating word)

Exercise 7: Editing student writing to make logical connections clear (Possible responses; answers will vary.)

Some people would say that teenagers should know right from wrong; however,

teenagers are very young. Do we, as teenagers, know right from wrong? We are prone

to do things because they are frowned on by adults. We are in a stage of life when we

are most susceptible to peer-pressure. During my own limited research, I have found

something surprising. Teenagers feel the death penalty should be strongly enforced

because they believe teens should be treated as adults. The teenagers I interviewed

believed that we should face the consequences of our actions like adults, and jurors

should not accept excuses like, “Well, I’m just a kid and it was a stupid mistake.” When

adults were faced with the question of whether adolescents should be tried as adults,

they said they didn’t have the “power” or “right” to judge whether someone should die or

not. In sum, teenagers should face up to their actions, and They should accept the

consequences of their behavior. The death penalty should not be applied to any person

since no one has the right to judge that someone else should die.

(The sentence “Teenagers should face up to their actions, and they should accept . . .” can be improved by eliminating “they should” in the second clause. This forms a compound verb so no comma is needed.)



Exercise 8: Identifying connections in the Guided Composition CONNECTING WORD

CONNECTING METHOD LOGICAL RELATIONSHIP

Original Paragraph 1. after subordination time

2. no connecting word

_________ _________

3. because subordination cause

4. and coordination addition

5. if subordination condition

6. whether (or if’) coordination (in a complement structure)

alternative

7. and coordination addition

8. therefore transition result

Exercise 9. Identifying parallel elements (Note: The grammatical forms of the parallel structures have been labeled for teacher reference; students have been asked only to identify the parts of the sentence that are parallel.) Verb phrase Verb phrase 1. My research group has scanned the brains of kids from 3 to 20 and has pieced

together “movies” showing how brains develop. Noun phrase Noun phrase 2. Language systems and mathematical systems develop at different times. Noun phrase Noun phrase 3. In children brain growth and skill development occur together. Adjective Adjective 4. The loss of brain tissue in teenagers was massive and dramatic. Noun phrase Noun phrase 5. Brain cells and connections are lost during the teenage years in the areas controlling Noun phrase Noun phrase Noun phrase impulses, risk-taking, and self-control. Verb Verb 6. The frontal lobes of the brain regulate our emotions and are vastly immature

throughout the teenage years. Subordinate clause (that clause) Subordinate clause (that clause) 7. Prosecutors said that he brought a gun to school and that therefore he planned the

crime. Subordinate clause (who clause) Subordinate clause (who clause) 8. Scientists say that teenagers, who have lost brain cells and who have less self-

control, should not be treated like adults.



Exercise 10: Editing sentences for parallel structure 1. A judge will decide whether Lionel Tate is a child or should he be tried as an adult. A judge will decide whether Lionel Tate is a child or should be tried as an adult. (The parallel elements are both verb phrases although one is a simple present tense and one is a passive modal.) 2. Kids under 18 can’t smoke, drink, or going to R movies without our permission. Kids under 18 can’t smoke, drink, or go to R movies without permission.

3. The immaturity of juveniles is the reason why they don’t vote or having curfews, and have their driving privileges restricted. The immaturity of juveniles is the reason why they don’t vote or have curfews, and have their driving privileges restricted. (The two negative verb phrases in this parallel structure are joined by “or”: do not vote or (do not) have curfews. The third verb in the series is positive and joined by “and”—(do) have their driving privileges restricted. 4. Charging children as adults is inconsistent and unfairly because of their immaturity. Charging children as adults is inconsistent and unfair because of their immaturity.

5. Today we see criminal defendants who cannot shave, still playing with fire trucks, and loved to act out scenes from video games. Today we see criminal defendants who cannot shave, still play with fire trucks, and love to act out scenes from video games. (The parallel elements in this sentence are all “who” clauses: “who cannot shave,” (who) still play with fire trucks, and (who) love to act out scenes from video games.) 6. Kids’ brains are different and still develop. Kids’ brains are different and still developing. (This parallel structure joins an adjective and a verbal adjective.)



Exercise 11: Completing sentences with parallel elements (Possible responses; answers will vary.) 1. The kids’ crimes are heinous and terrifying. 2. The zeal to round up kids and sentence them as adults is misguided. 3. The two seemingly “good kids” brutally and intentionally committed murder. 4. The nation’s juvenile arrest rate for murder fell and has continued to fall. 5. The media have perpetuated the image of violent children and teenagers.

6. Research suggests that sentencing adolescents as adults creates career criminals and fails to solve the problem of teenage crime.

Exercise 12: Editing student writing for parallel structure (Possible responses; answers will vary.) As a high school student I am up close and (am )personal with teens every day

of my life. Some of these kids are bright and (are) mature, but there are others who are

obviously not. I have seen boys snort bleach to make their classmates laugh or drink

liquid dish soap in order to win ten dollars. When they were doing these stunts, they

were not thinking that they could be injured or (could) get sick. All they were thinking

was that they could get a few kicks out of it and (could) make their friends think they

were cool.

Another thing I have seen is teenage emotion. Teenagers have strong emotions

and are moody. I have seen brutal fights break out over name calling* and insults. I

have seen a kid break down and bawl his eyes out over a failed test. Emotions are not

an excuse for violent behavior, but if you mix emotions with poor decision making skills,

you are definitely in for a disaster.

(Note: “Name calling” is a noun, not an –ing form of a verb; therefore, the parallel structure has to be a noun.)


DRAFT 8/07

CHAPTER 7: Adding Information to Sentences: Adjective Clauses, Participial Modifiers, Appositives, and Special Punctuation “The Last Meow”

Chapter Focus: Adding Information to Sentences Writers want to pack the most information possible into each sentence. This chapter will look at several ways that writers add information to sentences to clarify and make their meaning as precise as possible.

• Subordinate clauses: adjective clauses and adverb clauses • Participial modifiers • Appositives • Special punctuation for adding information: colons and dashes

Learning to use these methods will enable you to express your ideas effectively and convincingly. Exercise 1: Guided composition activity Based on “The Last Meow,” Parts 2, 3, 5, and 6

Teaching Focus: The purpose of this Guided Composition activity is to elicit a paragraph of student writing on the topic of “The Last Meow.” Teachers can informally diagnose students’ strengths and weaknesses in the area of adding information to sentences using subordination, participial modifiers, appositives, and special punctuation. . At the end of the unit, students will edit their paragraphs, applying what they have learned during the “Adding Information to Sentences” unit. They will then compare their paragraphs with the original, paying particular attention the ways in which information has been added to the sentences. Directions to the teacher:







In 1962 veterinarians, mostly men, were a utilitarian breed, treating mainly farm

animals. But by 2000 nearly three-quarters of all students in vet schools were women—

and most of them wanted to treat pets. Hospitals sold vets their outdated CAT scan and

MRI machines, making high-tech medicine for pets more affordable. Today Americans

are enthusiastic owners of exotic pets: potbellied pigs, lizards, snakes, and sugar-

gliders. Furthermore, sixty-three percent of pet owners say “I love you” to their pets

every day. Jane Goodall, who made a career studying chimpanzees, still believes a dog

can be a better friend than anyone else. Pets also provide therapy for people who are

sick, possibly speeding up recovery. For example, heart attack victims who had a dog or

cat were four times more likely to survive than patients without pets. However, when

pets are treated like surrogate children, it is hard to make wise decisions about their life

and death.

7.1 ADJECTIVE CLAUSES Adjectives modify nouns, but clauses—groups of words with a subject and verb—can modify nouns also. We call these adjective clauses, and they are a way to incorporate additional information about nouns without writing a whole new sentence. They are also called relative clauses. Adjective: The sick cat lay in Shawn Levering’s arms. Two sentences: The sick cat lay in Shawn Levering’s arms. The cat was suffering from renal failure. Adjective Clause: The sick cat, who was suffering from renal failure, lay in Shawn

Levering’s arms.



Words that introduce adjective clauses: who, whose, which, and that Exercise 2: Identifying adjective clauses Based on “The Last Meow,” paragraph 11 Directions: Underline the adjective clauses in the following paragraph. Notice that some of the clauses are set off by commas and others are not. Circle the commas that set off the adjective clauses. Then try reading each sentence without the adjective clause. Can you tell why the punctuation is different?

Founded in 1910, The Animal Medical Center, which is the world’s largest private

animal hospital, is like the Mayo Clinic for pets. In those days, animal welfare was a

relative term. Officers for the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals

carried guns. They used them to kill horses which collapsed from heat and exhaustion

in New York every summer. Women, who could not bear firearms, founded the New

York Women’s League for Animals and opened a clinic for animals. The clinic, which

was located on the Lower East Side, was devoted to the city’s strays and to the pets of

poor immigrants. A cat, whose tail had been caught in a door, was its first patient. The

cat was carried across the Brooklyn Bridge by its owner, who was a young girl.

Punctuation note: If the information in an adjective clause is essential to identify the noun that it modifies, the clause is not set off by commas. This is called a restrictive clause. If the information in an adjective clause is not essential—you would still know exactly what the noun refers to without the clause—the clause is set off with commas. This is called a non-restrictive clause. “That” cannot introduce a non-restrictive clause. Restrictive clause: They used to kill horses which (or that) collapsed from heat and exhaustion in New York every summer.

(The SPCA officers didn’t kill all horses in New York; they killed a particular group of horses—those that had collapsed from heat and exhaustion. You need the information in the clause to understand which group of horses the writer meant.)

Non-restrictive clause: Founded in 1910, The Animal Medical Center, which is the world’s largest private animal hospital, is like the Mayo Clinic for pets.

(The information that the clinic is the world’s largest private animal hospital is extra and is not essential to the sentence; you can identify the clinic by its name.)

In 1910 the women opened a clinic for animals. The clinic, which was located on the Lower East Side, was devoted to the city’s strays.

(The information about where the clinic was located is not essential because you can identify the clinic from the information in the previous sentence.)



Exercise 3: Combining sentences using adjective clauses Based on “The Last Meow,” paragraphs 21 and 22 Directions: Use the information in the second sentence in each pair to modify a noun in the first sentence. Punctuate the clauses that provide information that is not essential (non-restrictive clauses) with commas. 1. Lady would jump on her bed at night. She seemed to sense Karen’s moods and her pain. Lady, who seemed to sense Karen’s moods and her pain, would jump on her bed at night. 2. Karen knew that her feelings were partly misplaced mothering instinct. She had studied psychology. 3. She knew the relationship was particularly intense. The relationship that she had was with Lady. 4. Erika Friedman studied how heart-attack patients responded to social support. She worked as a biologist at Brooklyn College. 5. Karen Allen studied two groups of hypertensive Wall Street stockbrokers. She worked as a researcher at the State University of New York at Buffalo. 6. Six months later the group had lower blood pressure in a stressful situation. The group had been given pets. 7.2 PARTICIPIAL MODIFIERS Participles like “standing” and “situated” are forms of verbs that cannot be used alone in sentences, but they can be added to sentences to provide additional information. They perform a double job—they can modify a noun or pronoun, just as an adjective does, but they also describe an action in the same way that a verb does. Participial modifiers have two forms:

• the present form which has an –ing ending (for example, standing) • the past form which has an –ed ending (for example, situated) • irregular past forms have various endings (for example, given)

Present participle: Standing in the middle of the room, he had the specific gravity of a

man who knows exactly where to reach for his tools. “Standing in the middle of the room” describes the subject, “he.” “Standing” is the participial and “in the middle of the room” completes the participial phrase. The information in the phrase could be in a separate sentence: “He was standing in the middle of the room.” However, combining it with the following sentence makes a single strong sentence.



Past participle: Situated on the Lower East Side, the clinic was devoted to the city’s strays.

“Situated on the Lower East Side,” describes the subject, “the clinic” by giving its location. The information could be in a separate sentence: “The clinic was situated on the Lower East Side.” However, it is more concise to combine it with the following sentence. Exercise 4: Identifying participial modifiers Based on “The Last Meow,” paragraphs 16 - 25 Directions: Circle the participle and underline the words that complete the participial phrase in the following paragraph. Show which noun or pronoun the phrase modifies by putting a box around it. I had a cartoonish image of the people who would spend thousands of dollars to

keep their pet alive, but Lady’s owners were different. They could scarcely afford their

sympathies, having limited financial resources. Shawn Levering works with mentally

disabled adults, finding them jobs and visiting them at their workplaces. Recently turned

forty, he makes twenty-seven thousand dollars a year. His wife, Karen, who is thirty-

four, is the caregiver for a disabled teenager. Scheduled for transplant surgery in the

morning, Lady had made it through dialysis treatment. The Leverings, already facing

debts, will spend more than $15,000 to try to save Lady’s life. They don’t have any

question that it will be worth it.

Punctuation note: Participial modifiers always provide extra information that is not essential to the main sentence; therefore, you must use commas to set them off from the main clause. Exercise 5: Combining sentences using participial modifiers Based on “The Last Meow,” paragraphs 44 - 46 Directions: Combine each pair of sentences into a single sentence using participial modifiers. Punctuate the participial phrases with commas. Notice the sentences can be combined in several different ways. 1. The surgeon shuttled from one side of the surgical table to the other. She was getting the best angle on her final stitches. The surgeon, shuttling from one side of the surgical table to the other, was getting the best angle on her final stitches.



(Also possible: [1] The surgeon, getting the best angle on her final stitches, shuttled from one side of the surgical table to the other. [2] The surgeon shuttled from one side of the surgical table to the other, getting the best angle on her final stitches. ) 2. The replacement kidney had been without blood for forty-five minutes Could it survive that long and still function? 3. She gave her assistants a weak smile. She said, “Pray to the urine gods.” 4. The renal artery and vein hung limply.

They looked like guy wires from a deflating blimp but then, little by little, they began to stiffen, stretch, and expand.

5. The surgeon sliced open the bladder. She flipped it inside out. She cut a small hole in the side. 6. Her assistants crowded around. They craned their necks. 7. She froze. She said, “A new kidney making urine. There’s nothing better than that.” 7.3. APPOSITIVES Appositives are an even more concise way to add information to sentences than adjective clauses or participial modifiers. Appositives are formed when a noun or a noun phrase adds information to another noun or noun phrase (or the pronoun that stands for it). Either noun or noun phrase can be deleted and the sentence will still make sense. You can think of an equal sign between the two appositives: each side means the same as the other. Appositives: Shawn Levering glanced down at his cat, Lady. “Cat” and “Lady” are appositives; they are both referring to the same cat.

Cat = Lady Two separate sentences: The Animal Medical Center is one of the largest private animal hospitals. When the A.M.C. was founded, animal welfare was a relative term. Appositives: When the Animal Medical Center, one of the largest private animal

hospitals, was founded, animal welfare was a relative term. Punctuation note: The second appositive in a sentence is not necessary to understand the sentence; all the information you need is in the first appositive. Therefore, the second appositive is set off by commas.



Exercise 6: Identifying appositives Based on “The Last Meow” Directions: Underline the appositives in the following sentences. Find the two nouns or pronouns that are equivalents and join them below with an equals sign (think of it as an appositive equation.) 1. The veterinarian, Cathy Langston, nodded, her eyes on Lady. the veterinarian = Cathy Langston 2. One patient at the hospital was a duck, Nip-Nip, who had swallowed a metal object. 3. The current director of the hospital, Guy Pidgeon, has lived through both halves of the history of veterinary medicine. 4. Jimmy, a fat brown tabby cat with a cream belly, slinked* warily past Bogart, a scruffy white tom lounging on the couch. 5. Jack, the failed kidney donor, was being adopted by a vet at the hospital. (Note: The usual past form of the verb “slink” is “slunk.” However, Bilger has used the less common form “slinked” in The Last Meow.) Exercise 7: Combining sentences using appositives Based on “The Last Meow,” paragraphs 16 - 28 Directions: Combine each pair of sentences into a single sentence using appositives. Punctuate the appositives with commas. 1. J. Paul Getty was a billionaire oil magnate.

He wouldn’t fly home when his son died, but he spent three days weeping after his dog’s death. J. Paul Getty, a billionaire oil magnate, wouldn’t fly home when his son died, but he spent three days weeping after his dog’s death.

2. The cats are kept to provide a supply of donated kidneys. They are strays and lab animals. 3. Bogart was tone-deaf and deeply irritable. The cat was found starving at a 7-Eleven by Karen. 4. Anthrozoos is a scholarly journal. It publishes articles about using pets as therapy for the sick. 5. Lilian Aronson was the head surgeon. She was filled with pleasurable dread of the surgery that lay ahead.



7.4 SPECIAL PUNCTUATION FOR ADDING INFORMATION

Writers have other resources when they want to add information to sentences: they can use special punctuation to show that they are adding information that is useful but not essential to the meaning of the sentence. Colon: The colon is used to introduce a list, example, or other information that explains what comes before. There were risks: clotting, internal bleeding, dangerous drops in blood pressure.

(“Clotting, internal bleeding, dangerous drops in blood pressure” all are examples of the kinds of risks that would accompany a kidney transplant.) The other [X-ray] showed a long, elegant spine strung with eight perfect ovals: a corn snake with a clutch of eggs stuck in her birth canal. (“A corn snake with a clutch of eggs stuck in her birth canal” explains why there are the “eight perfect ovals” in the X-ray. Note that the phrase is not simply part of an appositive. We can’t say “ovals = a corn snake.”)

Dash: Dashes are used in place of commas or parentheses because they are slightly less formal. Dashes set off words that add information that is not essential to understand the sentence. If the words are inserted in the middle of the sentence, dashes have to be used on both sides of the added information.

Throughout the years, the city has been swept by vogues for pot-bellied pigs, Day-Glo anole lizards, and sugar gliders—a nectar-eating Australian marsupial. (“A nectar-eating Australian marsupial” explains what a sugar glider is, but it is not essential for the sentence. It could have been punctuated with a comma because it is an appositive.: sugar gliders = marsupials.) Luckily, Jasper—Jack’s littermate—was available for surgery, and his blood type was a match for Lady’s. (“Jack’s littermate” tells us who Jasper is. It’s added information and it is an appositive for Jasper. Because it comes in the middle of the sentence, dashes are needed on both sides.) Dogs, cats, and most other pets hovered somewhere in category three: just a little too dim—or poorly understood—to earn our highest regard. (This sentence uses a colon to introduce an explanation of why most pets fit into category three. It uses dashes to insert an alternative explanation of why we don’t believe pets are terribly intelligent. The sentence could also be correctly punctuated with a comma instead of a colon and without the dashes).



Exercise 8: Combining sentences using special punctuation--dashes and colons Based on “The Last Meow,” paragraphs 16 - 28 Directions: Combine each pair of sentences into a single sentence using dashes or colons. Make other needed changes such as changing nouns to pronouns or adding connecting words to make the new sentence as concise as possible. 1. By 2000, nearly three-quarters of all vet school students were women. And most of the women wanted to treat pets.

By 2000, nearly three-quarters of all vet school students were women—and most of them wanted to treat pets.

2. Guy Pidgeon was born on a farm in western Nebraska in 1947. You would never guess to look at Pidgeon that he was born on a farm. 3. The results of the stress tests were unequivocal. Pets made people’s blood pressure drop; spouses made it shoot up. 4. Although the surgeon’s success rate is high, the procedure still fills her with

pleasurable dread. Ninety-four percent of the surgeon’s patients leave the hospital alive. 5. The implicit value of pets goes up with all the new treatments.

Some of those treatments are radiation therapy, MRIs, and experimental cancer vaccines.

6. Do animals feel enough pleasure to make surviving worthwhile? Do animals feel enough joy in the sheer fact of existence? 7.5 EDITING STUDENT WRITING Exercise 9: Editing student writing Based on a student essay on “The Last Meow” Directions: Combine the sentences in this student essay to make the sentences flow more effectively. You may use the following techniques from this chapter and the preceding chapters:

• subordinate clauses (including who clauses and that clauses) • participial modifiers (-ing and –ed verb forms) • appositives • parallel structure • special punctuation: colons and dashes

Burkhard Bilger is the author of “The Last Meow.” “The Last Meow” is an article

from The New Yorker. He argues that pet owners spend excessive amounts of their

income on their animals. He says the pet owners are out of control. He cites



extraordinary medical procedures. They cost thousands of dollars. He also cites

extravagant purchases to ensure the creatures’ comfort. Finally, he cites the cost of

caring for our pets. I, however, must ask, “Can you really assign a dollar-value to

companionship and unconditional love?” I disagree with Bilger’s argument. I disagree

because pets are an invaluable part of most Americans’ lives.

A local hospital has a pediatric cancer ward. A man visits weekly. He brings

happiness and joy with him to terminally ill children. No, he is not a clown. He does not

make balloon animals. He is a retiree with his dog. The dog is mutt he rescued as a

puppy. The pet owner has been able to introduce laughter into the hospital. The

hospital is a place more often filled with tears. He had to spend a lot of money to train

and raise the dog. Was the cost worth it or should he have left the dog in the animal

shelter?


(1) Use an overhead projector or computer to project the Guided Composition paragraph and ask students to read along as you read it out loud. Underline the added information in the paragraph.


(3) Return the student paragraphs and ask them to revise by adding any information they left out based on what they’ve learned by doing the activities in the chapter. Don’t give them access to the original while they are doing this. (4) Ask students to compare their edited version with the original.

(5) Debrief by asking them what they learned through the comparison and what they can apply to their own writing.



Exercise 11: Editing your own writing Directions: Pick a paragraph from your essay on The Last Meow. Where could you add information and specific details that would make your ideas clearer and more interesting?

• Edit the paragraph following the directions in Exercise 11. • Put a question mark (?) in the margin next to any connecting words or parallel

structures that you are unsure about. • Exchange your paragraph with a partner and discuss any questions you have

about you • Now edit the rest of your essay by adding information.


DRAFT 8/07

Chapter 7: Adding Information to Sentences Answer Key Exercise 2: Identifying adjective clauses Founded in 1910, The Animal Medical Center, which is the world’s largest private

animal hospital, is like the Mayo Clinic for pets. In those days, animal welfare was a

relative term. Officers for the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals

carried guns. They used them to kill horses which collapsed from heat and exhaustion

in New York every summer. Women, who could not bear firearms, founded the New

York Women’s League for Animals and opened a clinic for animals. The clinic, which

was located on the Lower East Side, was devoted to the city’s strays and to the pets of

poor immigrants. A cat, whose tail had been caught in a door, was its first patient. The

cat was carried across the Brooklyn Bridge by its owner, who was a young girl.

Exercise 3: Combining sentences using adjective clauses 1. Lady seemed to sense Karen’s moods and her pain. She would jump on her bed at night. Lady, who seemed to sense Karen’s moods and her pain, would jump on her bed at night. 2. Karen knew that her feelings were partly misplaced mothering instinct. She had studied psychology. Karen, who had studied psychology, knew that her feelings were partly misplaced mothering instinct. 3. She knew the relationship was particularly intense. The relationship that she had was with Lady. She knew that the relationship that she had with Lady was particularly intense. 4. Erika Friedman studied how heart-attack patients responded to social support. She worked as a biologist at Brooklyn College. Erika Friedman, who worked a biologist at Brooklyn College, studied how heart-attack patients responded to social support.



5. Karen Allen studied two groups of hypertensive Wall Street stockbrokers. She worked as a researcher at the State University of New York at Buffalo. Karen Allen, who was a researcher at the State University of New York at Buffalo, studied two groups of hypertensive Wall Street brokers. 6. Six months later the group had lower blood pressure in a stressful situation. The group had been given pets. Six months later the group that had been given pets had lower blood pressure in a stressful situation.

Exercise 4: Identifying participial modifiers I had a cartoonish image of the people who would spend thousands of dollars to

keep their pet alive, but Lady’s owners were different. They could scarcely afford their

sympathies, having limited financial resources. Shawn Levering works with mentally

disabled adults, finding them jobs and visiting them at their workplaces. Recently turned

forty, he makes twenty-seven thousand dollars a year. His wife, Karen, who is thirty-

four, is the caregiver for a disabled teenager. Scheduled for transplant surgery in the

morning, Lady had made it through dialysis treatment. The Leverings, already facing

debts, will spend more than $15,000 to try to save Lady’s life. They don’t have any

question that it will be worth it.

Exercise 5: Combining sentences using participial modifiers 1. The surgeon shuttled from one side of the surgical table to the other. She was getting the best angle on her final stitches.

The surgeon, shuttling from one side of the surgical table to the other, was getting the best angle on her final stitches. (Also possible: The surgeon, getting the best angle on her final stitches, shuttled from one side of the surgical table to the other.) 2. The replacement kidney had been without blood for forty-five minutes Could it survive that long and still function?

Could the replacement kidney, having been without blood for forty-five minutes, survive that long and still function?



3. She gave her assistants a weak smile. She said, “Pray to the urine gods.”

Giving her assistants a weak smile, she said, “Pray to the urine gods.” (Also possible: Saying, “Pray to the urine gods,” she gave her assistants a weak smile.) 4. The renal artery and vein hung limply. They looked like guy wires from a deflating blimp, but then, little by little, they began

to stiffen, stretch, and expand.

The renal artery and vein hung limply, looking like guy wires from a deflating blimp, but then, little by little, they began to stiffen, stretch, and expand. 5. The surgeon sliced open the bladder. She flipped it inside out. She cut a small hole in the side.

The surgeon sliced open the bladder, flipping it inside out and cutting a small hole in the side. (Also possible: The surgeon, slicing open the bladder, flipped it inside out and cut a small hole in the side.) 6. Her assistants crowded around. They craned their necks.

Craning their necks, her assistants crowded around. (Also possible: Crowding around, her assistants craned their necks.) 7. She froze. She said, “A new kidney making urine. There’s nothing better than that.”

Freezing, she said, “A new kidney making urine. There’s nothing better than that.”

Exercise 6: Identifying appositives 1. The veterinarian, Cathy Langston, nodded, her eyes on Lady. Find the two nouns or

pronouns that are equivalents and join them with an equals sign. The veterinarian = Cathy Langston 2. One patient at the hospital was a duck, Nip-Nip, who had swallowed a metal object. a duck = Nip-Nip 3. The current director of the hospital, Guy Pidgeon, has lived through both halves of

the history of veterinary medicine. The current director of the hospital = Guy Pidgeon



4. Jimmy, a fat brown tabby cat with a cream belly, slinked warily past Bogart, a scruffy white tom lounging on the couch.

Jimmy = a fat brown tabby cat with a cream belly Bogart = a scruffy white tom lounging on the couch 5. Jack, the failed kidney donor, was being adopted by a vet at the hospital. Jack = the failed kidney donor

Exercise 7: Combining sentences using appositives 1. J. Paul Getty was a billionaire oil magnate.

He wouldn’t fly home when his son died, but he spent three days weeping after his dog’s death.

J. Paul Getty, a billionaire oil magnate, wouldn’t fly home when his son died, but he spent three days weeping after his dog’s death. 2. The cats are kept to provide a supply of donated kidneys. They are strays and lab animals.

The cats, strays and lab animals, are kept to provide a supply of donated kidneys. 3. Bogart was tone-deaf and deeply irritable. The cat was found starving at a 7-Eleven by Karen.

Bogart, the cat found starving at a 7-Eleven by Karen, was tone-deaf and deeply irritable. 4. Anthrozoos is a scholarly journal. It publishes articles about using pets as therapy for the sick.

Anthrozoos, a scholarly journal, publishes articles about using pets as therapy for the sick. 5. Lilian Aronson was the head surgeon. She was filled with pleasurable dread of the surgery that lay ahead.

Lilian Aronson, the head surgeon, was filled with pleasurable dread of the surgery that lay ahead.



Exercise 8: Combining sentences using dashes and colons 1. By 2000, nearly three-quarters of all vet school students were women. And most of the women wanted to treat pets.

By 2000, nearly three-quarters of all vet school students were women—and most of them wanted to treat pets. (para. 12)* 2. Guy Pidgeon was born on a farm in western Nebraska in 1947. You would never guess to look at Pidgeon that he was born on a farm.

Guy Pidgeon was born on a farm in Western Nebraska in 1947--—although you would never guess it to look at him. (para. 14) 3. The results of the stress tests were unequivocal. Pets made people’s blood pressure drop; spouses made it shoot up.

The results of the stress tests were unequivocal: pets made people’s blood pressure drop; spouses made it shoot up. (para. 22) 4. Although the surgeon’s success rate is high, the procedure still fills her with

pleasurable dread. Ninety-four percent of the surgeon’s patients leave the hospital alive.

Although the surgeon’s success rate is high—ninety-four percent of her patients leave the hospital alive—the procedure still fills her with pleasurable dread. (para. 28) 5. The implicit value of pets goes up with all the new treatments. Those new treatments are radiation therapy, MRIs, and experimental cancer

vaccines.

The implicit value of pets goes up with all the new treatments: radiation therapy, MRIs, and experimental cancer vaccines. (para. 35) 6. Do animals feel enough pleasure to make surviving worthwhile? Do animals feel enough joy in the sheer fact of existence?

Do animals feel enough pleasure—enough joy in the sheer fact of existence—to make surviving worthwhile? (para. 39) (* Each original sentences has added information, but the some of the sentences in this exercise have been modified.)



Exercise 9: Editing student writing (Possible response; revisions will vary.) Burkhard Bilger, the author of “The Last Meow,” an article from The New

Yorker, argues that pet owners spend excessive amounts of their income on their

animals. He says the pet owners are out of control, citing extraordinary medical

procedures that cost thousands of dollars, extravagant purchases to ensure the

creatures’ comfort, and the cost of caring for our pets. I, however, must ask, “Can you

really assign a dollar-value to companionship and unconditional love?” I disagree

with Bilger’s argument because pets are an invaluable part of most Americans’ lives.

A local hospital has a pediatric cancer ward where a man visits weekly,

bringing happiness and joy with him to terminally ill children. No, he is not a clown

making balloon animals. He is a retiree with his dog, a mutt he rescued as a puppy.

The pet owner, who had to spend a lot of money to train and raise the dog, has been

able to introduce laughter into the hospital, a place more often filled with tears. Was it

worth the cost, or should he have left the dog in the animal shelter?


DRAFT 8/07

CHAPTER 8: Writing About What Others Say Into the Wild

Chapter Focus: Adding Information to Sentences Much of academic writing is based on analyzing and evaluating what others have said. In creating arguments, you can incorporate the words and ideas of other writers into your own writing using summary, paraphrase, and quotation. You may choose to use these techniques for the following purposes:

• To enable a reader to understand the main ideas of a text that you are writing about

• To provide support or evidence for assertions in your argument • To place your own argument into the context of what others have said • To provide different points of view on the subject • To agree or disagree with a position • To use particularly effective language from an original source

This chapter based on Jon Krakauer’s book, Into the Wild, will look at the language that you can use to write about what others say and the process that you need to go through to incorporate their words into your own. Exercise 1: Guided composition activity Based on Chapter One, “The Alaska Interior,” pp. 1 - 7 Teaching Focus: The purpose of this Guided Composition activity is to elicit a paragraph of student writing on the topic of Into the Wild. Teachers can informally diagnose students’ strengths and weaknesses in the area of integrating the words of others into their writing. . At the end of the unit, students will edit their paragraphs, applying what they have learned during the “Writing about What Others Say” unit. They will then compare their paragraphs with the original, paying particular attention the ways in which the words of others have been added to the sentences. Directions to the teacher:







The last person to see Chris McCandless alive was a man named Jim Gallien.

Gallien asked the young man for his name. “Alex, just Alex,” he replied. He said that he

intended to live off the land for a few months. Gallien recalled, “He wasn’t carrying

anywhere near as much food as you’d expect for that kind of trip.” According to Gallien,

“Living in the bush is no picnic.” He added that “Alex admitted that the only food in his

pack was a ten-pound bag of rice.” He told Gallien that he didn’t need any other gear or

a hunting license. He said, “How I feed myself is none of the government’s business.”

When he said goodby, Alex gave Gallien his watch. He said, “I don’t want to know what

day it is or where I am. None of that matters.”

8.1 Summary A summary is a shortened version of a fairly long piece of text: an article, a chapter of a book, or a whole book. You cannot assume that your readers are familiar with the text that you are writing about or agree with you about it. By summarizing what you have read, you can:

• enable readers who are unfamiliar with the text to understand your analysis and conclusions.

• enable readers who are already familiar with the text to judge whether your understanding of the text is the same as theirs.

Identifying the source and the author A summary should identify the text that is being summarized, including the title and the name of the author. Use the author’s full name the first time you refer to him or her. After that, use the last name only. Never refer to an author just by his or her first name:

INCORRECT: In Into the Wild, Jon writes about his own experiences as a mountain climber. Jon draws parallels between his attempt to climb the Devil’s Thumb and Chris McCandless’s journey into the Alaskan wilderness. CORRECT: In Into the Wild, Jon Krakauer writes about his own experiences as a mountain climber. Krakauer draws parallels between his attempt to climb the Devil’s Thumb and Chris McCandless’s journey into the Alaskan wilderness. Choosing the time frame For your summary, you can choose to use either the past time frame or the present time frame, which is called “the historical present.” Using the present time frame makes the events seem more immediate and interesting even though your readers know they actually occurred in the past.



Exercise 2: Using the past time frame to summarize Into the Wild: Directions: Fill in the blanks below with the correct form of the verb in parentheses. For the summary, use verbs in the past time frame. Note: some verbs are in the passive.

Into the Wild, by Jon Krakauer, ___________ (publish) in 1996. It

____________ (tell) the story of Christopher McCandless, a young man who

___________ (go) to Alaska to try to find out about himself and about life. In doing this,

he __________ (inspire) by great writers like Thoreau, whose book, Walden,

____________ (offer) his reflections on living apart from mainstream life. However,

McCandless ____________ (be) unprepared for the brutality of the Alaskan wild. He

____________ (make) crucial mistakes that ____________ (lead) to his death and

____________ (leave) his family to grieve for him.

Exercise 3: Using the present time frame (historical present) to summarize Into the Wild: Directions: Fill in the blanks below with the correct form of the verb in parentheses. For the summary, use verbs in the present time frame (historical present). Note: some verbs are in the passive.

Into the Wild, by Jon Krakauer, ___________ (publish) in 1996. It

____________ (tell) the story of Christopher McCandless, a young man who

___________ (go) to Alaska to try to find out about himself and about life. In doing this,

he __________ (inspire) by great writers like Thoreau whose book, Walden,

____________ (offer) his reflections on living apart from mainstream life. However,

McCandless ____________ (be) unprepared for the brutality of the Alaskan wild. He

____________ (make) crucial mistakes that ____________ (lead) to his death and

____________ (leave) his family to grieve for him.



Exercise 4: Summarizing part of a chapter Based on Chapter Eight: “Alaska” Directions: Write a summary of the story of Gene Rosellini (Begin with the paragraph that starts, “And then there was the wayward genius . . .” and end with the paragraph that starts, “The trip never got off the ground.”) Use the following sentence to start your summary. Notice that it will determine the time frame for your summary.

In Chapter 8, “Alaska,” Krakauer reports that many Alaskans thought that

McCandless was just another young rebel. They compared him to Gene Rosellini

who . . .

8.2 Paraphrase When writing an expository essay, telling your readers what an author has said is the first step in evaluating text. You should paraphrase shorter pieces of text, such as a paragraph, when you want to communicate the main ideas of the text and avoid quoting long chunks of text. When you paraphrase, you must use your own words; however, you must still indicate where the ideas occur in the original text by putting the page number(s) in parentheses at the end of the paraphrase. If this happens at the end of your sentence, the period goes after the parentheses. Krakaurer’s actual words:

Driving west out of Atlanta, he intended to invent an utterly new life for himself, one in which he would be free to wallow in unfiltered experience. To symbolize the complete severance from his previous life, he even adopted a new name. No longer would he answer to Chris McCandless; he was now Alexander Supertramp, master of his own destiny (23).

Paraphrase of Krakauer’s words:

Krakauer concluded that when Chris McCandless left home, he hoped to create a new identity and divorce himself from his old life. To show that he was completely free of his past and open to new experiences, he took a new name: Alexander Supertramp (23). (The writer gives us a perspective on what he is paraphrasing by using “concluded” to introduce it. The idea of the passage is expressed in different words. The writer doesn’t have to put quotation marks around “Alexander Supertramp” because it is a name.)



Paraphrase that includes quoted material:

Krakauer concluded that when Chris McCandless left home, he hoped to create a new identity and divorce himself from his old life, leaving him “free to wallow in unfiltered experience” (23). To show that he was completely free of his past, he took a new name: Alexander Supertramp. (The writer uses a quotation because being “free to wallow in unfiltered experience” implies a judgment about McCandless on Krakauer’s part—that he was perhaps being self-indulgent—that the simple paraphrase doesn’t capture. It’s is also a case where the author’s words are particularly expressive and, therefore, worth preserving in the paraphrase.)

Guidelines for paraphrasing:

• Reread the passage that you intend to paraphrase. Check any unfamiliar words in a dictionary so you are sure you understand the passage accurately.

• Write your paraphrase without looking back at the passage. Use your own words.

• Check what you have written against the original to make sure it is accurate. Make any needed changes.

• If you have used any distinctive words or phrases from the original, put quotation marks around them.

• Make sure you have included the name of the author, the name of the source (if not already given), and the page reference for the passage you have paraphrased.

Exercise 5: Paraphrasing a paragraph Based on the last paragraph of Chapter 8, “Alaska” Directions: Write a paraphrase of the following paragraph (the last paragraph in Chapter 8). Be careful to use all your own words; do not use any quotes. Also, check any words that are unfamiliar in your dictionary to ensure that your paraphrase is accurate.

McCandless didn’t conform particularly well to the bush-casualty* stereotype. Although he was rash, untutored in the ways of the backcountry, and incautious to the point of foolhardiness, he wasn’t incompetent—he wouldn’t have lasted 113 days if he were. And he wasn’t a nutcase, he wasn’t a sociopath, he wasn’t an outcast. McCandless was something else—although precisely what is hard to say. A pilgrim, perhaps (85).

* “bush” means wild, uncleared country; a bush-casualty is someone who has gone into the wilderness and not survived.



8.3 Quotation Writers choose to quote when the author’s words are especially distinctive and meaning might be lost in a paraphrase. Sometimes this means that a writer will quote whole sentences or even a whole paragraph. Often, however, the best strategy is to use a single sentence or even a phrase from the text and incorporate it into your own words about the text. Quoting Multiple Sentences:

Jon Krakauer in Into the Wild observes, “Alaska has long been a magnet for dreamers and misfits, people who think the unsullied enormity of the Last Frontier will patch all the holes in their lives. The bush is an unforgiving place, however, that cares nothing for hope or longing” (4).

Quoting a Single Sentence:

Krakauer describes the way in which Alaska has always attracted people who hope to escape the problems in their lives. They often find new problems, however, because “the bush is an unforgiving place . . . that cares nothing for hope or longing” (4).

Quoting a Phrase:

Krakauer calls Alaska “a magnet for dreamers and misfits” (4). According to him, people try to escape their problems by going into the wilderness, but they discover that the wilderness has no sympathy for their dreams.

Guidelines for Quoting:

• Always introduce the quotation using your own words. Use a variety of verbs to introduce quotations and to suggest how you feel about the quotation. (See Section 8.4 for more information about how to do this).

• Fit the grammatical structure of the quotation into the grammatical structure of your own sentence.

• Give the author’s full name the first time you quote. After that, use only the last name. Put the page number at the end of the quote.

• Give the name of the source the first time you quote from it. Underline or use italics for books, movies, and longer works: Into the Wild. Use quotation marks for the titles of articles, essays, and chapters in books: “The Stikine Ice Cap.”

• If the quotation is longer than four lines (for example, the quotation in Exercise 5), introduce it with a colon (:) and indent the whole quotation.

• If you leave words out of the quotation, indicate the omission with three spaced periods: . . . If you insert words, put them in brackets [ ] to show that they were not in the original text.



Keeping sentences grammatical when quoting When you integrate a quotation into your own writing, your words and the quoted words must fit together grammatically. This means that you may have to be careful about what you quote and where you insert the quotation. You may also have to make changes within the quote, in which case you need to put brackets [ ] around the changed words. Krakauer’s actual words:

“That put us into a kind of a tizzy,” Walt admits. Both Billie and I come from blue-collar families. A college degree is something we don’t take lightly, OK, and we worked hard to be able to send our kids to good schools. So Billie sat him down and said, ‘Chris, if you really want to make a difference in the world, if you really want to help people who are less fortunate, get yourself some leverage first. Go to college, get a law degree, and then you’ll be able to have a real impact’” (114).*

Incorporating a sentence:

McCandless’s parents were upset when he told them that he wasn’t going to college. His mother Billie advised him, “Chris, if you really want to make a difference in the world, if you really want to help people who are less fortunate, get yourself some leverage first” (114).

Incorporating part of a sentence:

McCandless’s parents were upset when he told them that he wasn’t going to college. His mother Billie advised Chris that if he “really want[ed] to make a difference in the world” (114), he should go to law school before he tried to help the homeless and the poor.

* Note that the original shows how to have a quotation within another quotation. Krakauer is quoting McCandless’s father who is quoting his mother. Exercise 6: Incorporating quotations Based on Chapter Eight, “Alaska” Directions: Write a short paragraph in which you explain what you think McCandless’s motivation was for going into the wilderness. Incorporate one or more quotations from Chapter 8, “Alaska.” Remember that you can agree or disagree with Krakauer’s interpretation that McCandless did not want or plan to die. 8.4 Introducing Quotations Writers try to make their writing interesting by choosing words that are precise and varied. It is possible to introduce every quotation with “He said . . .”, but it would produce boring and repetitive writing. Krakauer uses a variety of colorful verbs to introduce quotations. He also varies the tenses that he uses to introduce quotations.

• Past tense: (1) used to indicate that the speech occurred in the past; most common tense used for quoting or reporting speech; (2) used when telling a story in past

• Present tense: used for vividness, to create the sense that the past action is occurring as we speak



• Present perfect tense: used to show the past event is linked to the present • Past perfect tense: used to show the action occurred before something else

in the past Exercise 7: Verbs to introduce the words of others Based on Chapter Seventeen, “The Stampede Trail” Directions: Go to the pages indicated in the chart where Krakauer introduces quotations in Chapter Seventeen. Read the passage where the quotation or reported speech occurs. Identify the verb tense that Krakauer uses, and explain why he used that particular tense. Phrase introducing a quote or reported speech

Page

Verb tense Reason for tense

1. Roman shouts, “. . .

p. 173

present

Krakauer is telling the story of his trip to the bus in the present (present narration).

2. Horowitz . . . had mused that

p. 174

3. both men insisted . . . that

p. 177

4. Thompson had told me, “

p. 177

5. Samel had scornfully piped in

p. 177

6. one Alaska correspondent observed

p. 177

7. Roman remarks, “. . .

p. 178

8. Muir rapturously describes

p. 182

9. Andrew Liske points out

p. 183

10. Paul Shephard has observed

p. 183



Additional Verbs to Introduce Quotes and Reported Speech: The author . . . explains argues maintains suggests discusses notes claims believes recommends questions admits insists asserts advises explores reflects feels doubts shows asks observes stresses emphasizes concludes examines When you use the verbs in the first four columns to introduce reported speech, you will use the pattern: subject + verb + “ that” clause: Roman stressed that “living off the land . . . is incredibly difficult” (185). When you use the verbs in the last column to introduce reported speech, you will use the pattern: subject + verb + noun phrase (including phrases that begin with a question word):

Krakauer explores how difficult it is for adults “to recall how forcefully we were once buffeted by the passions and longings of youth” (186).

As a writer, you can communicate your interpretation of a quotation or reported speech by the verb you choose to introduce it. Compare the two sentences:

Roman said that “living off the land . . . is incredibly difficult” (185). Roman stressed that “living off the land . . . is incredibly difficult” (185).

Using “said” makes your position about the statement that follows neutral. If you choose the verb “stressed,” you are communicating your interpretation that Roman felt the challenge for Chris to try to live off the land was great.

Krakauer feels that it is for adults “to recall how forcefully we were once buffeted by the passions and longings of youth” (186). Krakauer explores how difficult it is for adults “to recall how forcefully we were once buffeted by the passions and longings of youth” (186).

Using “feels” in the first example does not indicate any interpretation on your part. Using “explores” suggests that you believe that Krakauer has thoughtfully looked at a variety of explanations for why adults generally judged Chris’s actions harshly. By carefully choosing the verb that you use to introduce a quotation or reported speech, you suggest your position about the quotation before you actually analyze its meaning and relevance to your argument.



8.5 Making the Speaker and the Context Clear When you incorporate quotations from a book or article into your own writing, it is essential to indicate very specifically who is speaking and what the circumstances are. This is especially important when you are quoting someone who is being quoted by the author. In Into the Wild, Krakauer tells the story of Alex McCandless and provides his own opinions about Alex and what happened to him. He also quotes what Alex had to say about his own life in the journals. He quotes many people who came into contact with Alex and who had varying points of view about his life and death. Finally, he quotes a number of writers who wrote about living in the wilderness and the writers whose books Alex took with him into the Alaska wild. When you quote these sources, you need to let your reader know who is speaking or writing and the context of the quotation so a reader can judge its relevance and the validity as support for your assertions. Exercise 8: Making the speaker and context clear Based on Chapter 9, “Davis Gulch” Directions: Look up the following quotations in “Into the Wild.” Introduce each quotation, making sure that you have made clear who is speaking and what the circumstances are. 1. While living on the streets in Las Vegas, McCandless wrote in his journal, “It is the experiences, the memories, the great triumphant joy of living to the fullest extent in which real meaning is found” (37). 2. “What Everett Reuss was after was beauty, and he conceived of beauty in pretty romantic terms” (77). 3. “I have not tired of the wilderness. Rather, I enjoy its beauty and the vagrant life I lead more keenly all the time” (87). 4. “Children can be harsh judges when it comes to their parents, disinclined to grant clemency . . .” (122). 5. “If something captured my undisciplined imagination, I pursued it with a zeal bordering on obsession” (134). 6. “No longer to be poisoned by civilization he flees, and walks alone upon the land to become lost in the wild” (163). 7. “He had a need to test himself in ways, as he was fond of saying, ‘that mattered.’’’ (182). 8. “. . . his essence remains slippery, vague, elusive” (186).



8.6 Punctuating Quotations: To quote a whole sentence: Introduce the quote with your own words, use a comma, quotations marks, and a capital letter for the first word of the quoted sentence. Put quotation marks at the end of the quote. Then put the page of the text that the quote appeared on in parentheses. Finally put the period. Example:

Everett Reuss wrote in his last letter, “I have not tired of the wilderness; rather I enjoy its beauty and the vagrant life I lead more keenly all the time” (87).

To quote a word or phrase, do use quotation marks, but do not capitalize the first word of the quote. Examples:

Krakauer calls Alaska “a magnet for dreamers and misfits” (4). According to him, people try to escape their problems by going into the wilderness, but they discover that the wilderness has no sympathy for their aspirations. Krakauer suggested that the word that best described McCandless was “pilgrim” (84).

To quote a longer passage: If you need to quote a passage that is four lines or longer, use a colon at the end of the sentence you have used to introduce the quote and indent the whole quote. When you do this, you do not need to use quotation marks, but you still must indicate the page where the passage occurs. Example:

In a letter to Ron Franz, an old man who befriended him, McCandless sets out his philosophy of life:

The very basic core of a man’s living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun (57).

To shorten a quote, use ellipsis. (“Ellipsis” is 3 dots separated by spaces. Use 4 dots if you are also leaving out a period from the original.) Be careful to make the final wording clear and smooth.

Example: McCandless recommended that Ron “adopt a helter-skelter style of life . . .and hit the Road” (57).

To change a word in a quote: If you must change a word (or words) in a quote to make it fit with your own words, use square brackets-- [ ]

Example: McCandless said that he hoped the next time he saw Ron he would “be a new man with a vast array of new adventures and experiences behind [him]” (58).



To quote a writer who quotes another person (a quote within a quote): Use regular, double quotation marks ( “ ) to show that you are quoting the writer and single quotation marks ( ‘ ) around the words that the writer quoted.

Example: Krakauer noted, “Even staid, prissy Thoreau, who famously declared that it was enough to have ‘travelled a good deal in Concord,’ felt compelled to visit the ore fearsome wilds of nineteenth century Maine and climb Mt. Katahdin” (183).

Exercise 9: Punctuating quotations Based on Chapter Eighteen, “The Stampede Trail” Directions: Punctuate the following quotations from Chapter 18, “The Stampede Trail.” Be sure to compare each sentence to the original and find which words are quoted exactly. Be sure to cite the page number in parentheses at the end of the quoted material. 1. Page 187: In Alaska, McCandless discovered the truth of John Campbell’s

observation that “the life of a hunter carries with it the threat of deprivation and death by

starvation” (187).

2. Page 187: Before his death, McCandless had underlined the passage in Doctor

Zhivago that asserts that love of one’s neighbor is essential for a human being to

contribute to progress.

3. Page 188: According to Krakauer, despite having killed and eaten animals and birds

and gathered wild potatoes, berries, and mushrooms, McCandless was on the

precarious edge of starvation because he had run up a sizable caloric deficit.

4. Page 189: Krakauer seems to believe that McCandless had learned that he needed

other people, and that he planned to become a member of the human community when

he returned to the Lower Forty-Eight.

5. Page 192: According to Krakauer’s initial theory, McCandless had committed a

careless blunder, confusing one plant for another, and died as a consequence.

6. Page 194: After finding out about the poison in potato seeds, however, he

concluded, he didn’t carelessly confuse one species with another: The plant that

poisoned him was not known to be toxic.



7. Page 198: As he was dying, McCandless abandoned the cocky moniker, Alexander

Supertramp, in favor of the name given to him at birth by his parents.

8. Page 199: In spite of his lonely, agonizing death, McCandless’s last were words

were I have had a happy life and thank the Lord. Goodbye and May God Bless All!

8.7 Editing Student Writing Exercise 10: Editing student writing Directions: Read the following student essay. Then incorporate the selections from “Into the Wild” below into the essay at the places indicated by the numbers in parentheses. Follow the conventions for incorporating quotations and paraphrase into your own writing. Make sure that you indicate clearly who is speaking in the quotation and what the circumstances are. Shaun Callerman is a typical critic of Chris McCandless (1) Callarman is

convinced that Chris was merely an ignorant young man biting off more than he could

chew, a young man who ventured arrogantly into the wild guided by farfetched ideas and

flawed logic. Although I agree to some extent with Callarman’s interpretation, I also

believe that he has failed to think about Chris’s childhood, upbringing, and subsequent

motives that brought him finally to a bus in the Alaskan wilderness.

Chris McCandless was not your average Joe. He chose a life of solitude and

shunned society and the things that it represented. (2) The question is, what led him to

act in this manner? Krakauer, the author of Into the Wild, delved into what could have

led Chris to choose such an uncommon lifestyle. One of the main factors that Krakauer

explores is Chris’s relationship with his father, Walt. (3) (4) These conflicting attitudes,

coupled with Walt’s alternate marriage and children, created a change in Chris’s outlook

which could have led him to make the decision to go into the wild. (5) Chris’s actions

were reasonable to himself, and I find it hard to say these actions were arrogant. To

him, they were noble ideas, worthy of his time and effort.



However, Callerman is right that Chris McCandless made mistakes based on

arrogance. Chris can be admired for his ideas, but his execution was flawed. (6) He

made crucial mistakes that could have been avoided, and these mistakes cost him his

life. He put himself in a situation for which he was not fully prepared. It’s like a boxer

moving up a weight class when he’s not ready. He is courageous for doing so even

though his actions can be perceived as foolish or arrogant. Chris pushed himself too

hard and fast. He paid the price, but this doesn’t mean that his reasoning was wrong as

much as his timing and planning.

Callerman fails to realize that people do not act foolishly without having a reason.

People who appear to act foolishly always have a logical motive that can explain the

situation. (7) McCandless was not crazy; he was different. It wasn’t romantic silliness

that led him into the wild; it was the dream of finding himself and connecting on a higher

level that few of us can fully comprehend.

Text from Into the Wild to incorporate into student essay: (1) I don’t admire him at all for his courage nor for his noble ideas. Really, I think he was just plain crazy. (Shaun Callerman, quoted in Writing Topic) (2) Oh, how one wishes sometimes to escape from the meaningless dullness of human eloquence, from all those sublime phrases, to take refuge in nature . . . (passage underlined by Chris in his copy of Doctor Zhivago, p. 189). (3) Both father and son were stubborn and high-strung. (p. 64) OR Given Walt’s need to exert control and Chris’s extravagantly independent nature, polarization was inevitable. (p. 64) (4) He had a need to test himself in ways, as he was fond of saying, “that mattered.” (p. 182) OR He wanted to prove to himself that he could make it on his own, without anybody else’s help. (Gaylord Stuckey, truck driver who gave Alex a ride from the Yukon Territory to Fairbanks, Alaska, p. 159)



(5) He tried to live entirely off the country—and he tried to do it without bothering to master beforehand the full repertoire of crucial skills. (p. 182) (6) And he wasn’t a nutcase, he wasn’t a sociopath, he wasn’t an outcast. McCandless was something else—although precisely what is hard to say. A pilgrim, perhaps. (p. 85) Exercise 11: Editing your guided composition Directions to the teacher:



(3) Return the student paragraphs and ask them to revise. Don’t give them access to the original while they are doing this, but give them the quoted language below from the original. Tell them they can quote or paraphrase.

Alex, just Alex. He wasn’t carrying anywhere near as much food as you’d expect for that kind of trip. Living in the bush is no picnic. Alex admitted that the only food in his pack was a ten pound bag of rice. How I feed myself is none of the government’s business. I don’t want to know what day it is or where I am. None of that matters.

(4) Ask students to compare their edited version with the original. (5) Debrief by asking them what they learned through the comparison and what they can apply to their own writing.



Exercise 12: Editing your own writing Directions: Reread your essay on “Into the Wild.”

• Use an asterisk (*) to mark a place where you have made an assertion without adequate support. Find a passage in “Into the Wild” that provides support for the assertion. Following the “Guidelines for Paraphrasing” above, paraphrase the passages and incorporate it into your essay.

• Use an asterisk to mark a second place where you have made an assertion without adequate support. Following the “Guidelines for Quoting” above, select the portion of the passage that you want to quote and insert it into your essay. Make sure you have made the speaker and the context clear.

• Exchange your essay with a partner and discuss any questions you have about you partner’s addition of a paraphrase and a quotation. Check with your teacher if you can’t agree on an answer.

• Reread your entire essay to check that you have: o reproduced quotations accurately. o made the speaker and the context is clear. o selected the best verb to introduce the quotation. o punctuated quotations correctly.

.


DRAFT 8/07

Chapter 8: Writing About What Others Say Answer Key

Exercise 2: Using the past time frame to summarize Into the Wild:

Into the Wild, by Jon Krakauer, was published in 1996. It is ]the story of

Christopher McCandless, a young man who went to Alaska to try to find out about

himself and about life. In doing this, he was inspired by great writers like Thoreau,

whose book, Walden, offered his reflections on living apart from mainstream life.

However, McCandless was unprepared for the brutality of the Alaskan wild. He made

crucial mistakes that led to his death and left his family to grieve for him.

(Notice that the phrase “It is the story . . .” uses the present tense to make a general statement even though the rest of the summary is in the past because McCandless’s journey into the Alaskan wilderness took place in the past.)

Exercise 3: Using the present time frame (historical present) to summarize Into the Wild:

Into the Wild, by Jon Krakauer, was published in 1996. It is the story of

Christopher McCandless, a young man who goes to Alaska to try to find out about

himself and about life. In doing this, he is inspired by great writers like Thoreau, whose

book, Walden, offers his reflections on living apart from mainstream life. However,

McCandless is unprepared for the brutality of the Alaskan wild. He makes crucial

mistakes that lead to his death and leave his family to grieve for him.

(This summary uses the historical present even though the events took place in 1992. When we read about events in the past, they seem closer to us when they are described using the present tense. “Was published’ is in the past tense because it refers explicitly to a definite past time, “in 1996”, but more importantly, it is background information and not part of the story narrative.)



Exercise 4: Summarizing part of a chapter Based on Chapter Eight: “Alaska” Sample Response:

Some Alaskans thought that McCandless was just another bright young rebel like Gene Rosellini. Gene Rosellini was a member of a prominent Seattle family and had been an outstanding student and athlete in high school. Although he studied everything from anthropology to philosophy in college, he never earned a degree. Eventually, he left school and ended up in Cordova, Alaska, where he set out to see if it was possible to live without any of the tools of modern life. He believed that modern people had become inferior because of their dependence on technology. After more than ten years, he concluded that it was no longer possible to live without tools. Soon after, he committed suicide at the age of 49. Exercise 5: Paraphrasing a paragraph Sample response:

McCandless was different from other people who tried to escape their problems by going into the wilderness. He wasn’t crazy or criminal or unable to get along with people. He was reckless and ignorant about the Alaskan wilderness, but he was able to take care of himself since he survived for 113 days. Unlike the others, McCandless was searching for spiritual answers.

Exercise 6: Incorporating quotations Sample response 1: Incorporating a quoted phrase

Krakauer believed that McCandless was “a pilgrim, perhaps” (85), searching for the meaning of life far from civilization and friends. The notes that McCandless made in his books certainly suggest that he was trying to discover the meaning of life. He may even have realized towards the end that people mattered. However, I think he had a suicidal streak as well. If not, he would have listened to the advice that Jim Gallien, an Alaskan who was the last person to see McCandless alive, gave him. He would have prepared himself much better for his journey. Someone who wants to survive doesn’t go into the wilderness with ten pounds of rice, two tuna sandwiches, and a bag of Fritos.



Sample response 2: Incorporating quoted sentences

Krakauer argues that “McCandless didn’t conform particularly well to the bush-casualty stereotype” (85) and called him “a pilgrim, perhaps” (85). He searched for solitude, but he wasn’t crazy, and he showed that he was resourceful during the 113 days he lived in the wilderness. He had rejected his parents’ affluent lifestyle and wanted to simplify his life and find spiritual fulfillment, but he wasn’t suicidal and didn’t want to die. As he neared death, he left a note asking to be saved: “S.O.S. I need your help. I am injured, near death, and too weak to hike out of here. I am all alone, this is no joke, in the name of God, please remain to save me” (198). These are the words of someone eager to live and perhaps even to return to the civilization he had left behind Exercise 7: Verbs to introduce the words of others Phrase introducing a quote or reported speech

Page

Verb tense Reason for tense

1. Roman shouts, “. . .

p. 173

present

Krakauer is telling the story of his trip to the bus in the present (present narration)

2. Horowitz . . . had mused that

p. 174

past perfect

Horowitz had told Krakauer this at a time before Krakauer’s trip.

3. both men insisted . . . that

p. 177

past

Krakauer is reporting what the men said when he talked to them shortly after Chris’s body was found, in other words in the past before the trip.

4. Thompson had told me, “

p. 177

past perfect

Krakauer is introducing reported speech in the past. Note that he could have used the simple past both to report the speech and for the speech itself.

5. Samel had scornfully piped in

p. 177

past perfect

Same as above.

6. one Alaska correspondent observed

p. 177

past

Krakauer is reporting what an Alaskan wrote after the story of Chris’s death was published.



7. Roman remarks, “. . . p. 178

present

Krakauer returns to the present tense because he has returned to the story of his trip to the bus (present narration).

8. Muir rapturously describes

p. 182

present

Krakauer uses the present tense for vividness to introduce Muir’s quotation. Muir’s experience was actually in 1872.

9. Andrew Liske points out

p. 183

present

Krakauer uses the present tense for vividness. Liske actually read the journal before Krakauer’s trip to the bus, so Krakauer could have used past tense.

10. Paul Shephard has observed

Krakauer uses the present perfect tense to show that Shephard’s comment has current relevance.

p. 183 present

perfect

Exercise 8: Making clear the speaker and the context 1. While living on the streets in Las Vegas, McCandless wrote in his journal, “It is the experiences, the memories, the great triumphant joy of living to the fullest extent in which real meaning is found” (37). 2. Wallace Stegner in Mormon Country argues, “What Everett Reuss was after was beauty, and he conceived of beauty in pretty romantic terms” (77). 3. Everett Reuss wrote in his last letter, “I have not tired of the wilderness. Rather, I enjoy its beauty and the vagrant life I lead more keenly all the time” (87). 4. Chris was deeply angered when he discovered his father’s previous marriage and divorce. Krakauer observes, “Children can be harsh judges when it comes to their parents, disinclined to grant clemency . . .” (122). 5. Krakauer’s own experience as a young man influenced his understanding of Chris’s motivation. He said, “If something captured my undisciplined imagination, I pursued it with a zeal bordering on obsession” (134). 6. In May 1992 Alex proclaimed on a sheet of plywood covering a broken window in the bus, “No longer to be poisoned by civilization he flees, and walks alone upon the land to become lost in the wild” (163).



7. Krakauer concluded, “He had a need to test himself in ways, as he was fond of saying, ‘that mattered.’’’ (182). 8. Despite all his research and reflections on McCandless’s life and death, Krakauer still discovered, “his essence remains slippery, vague, elusive” (186). Exercise 9: Punctuating quotations 1. In Alaska, McCandless discovered the truth of John Campbell’s observation that “the

life of a hunter carries with it the threat of deprivation and death by starvation” (187).

2. Before his death, McCandless had underlined the passage in Doctor Zhivago that asserts

that “love of one’s neighbor” (187) is essential for a human being to contribute to progress.

3. According to Krakauer, despite having killed and eaten animals and birds and

gathered wild potatoes, berries, and mushrooms, McCandless was on the precarious

edge of starvation because he “had run up a sizable caloric deficit” (188).

4. Krakauer seems to believe that McCandless had learned that he needed other

people, and that he planned to “become a member of the human community” (189)

when he returned to the Lower Forty-Eight.

5. According to Krakauer’s initial theory, McCandless “had committed a careless

blunder, confusing one plant for another, and died as a consequence” (192).

6. After finding out about the poison in potato seeds, however, he concluded, “He didn’t

carelessly confuse one species with another: The plant that poisoned him was not

known to be toxic” (194).

7. As he was dying, McCandless “abandoned the cocky moniker, . . . Alexander

Supertramp, in favor of the name given to him at birth by his parents” (198).

8. In spite of his lonely, agonizing death, McCandless’s last were words were, “I have

had a happy life and thank the Lord. Goodbye and May God Bless All!” (199).



Exercise 11: Editing a student essay Sample Response Shaun Callerman is a typical critic of Chris McCandless. He acknowledges, “I

don’t admire him at all for his courage nor for his noble ideas. Really, I think he was just

plain crazy.” Callarman is convinced that Chris was merely an ignorant young man biting

off more than he could chew, a young man who ventured arrogantly into the wild guided

by farfetched ideas and flawed logic. Although I agree to some extent with Callarman’s

interpretation, I also believe that he has failed to think about Chris’s childhood,

upbringing, and subsequent motives that brought him finally to a bus in the Alaskan

wilderness.

Chris McCandless was not your average Joe. He chose a life of solitude and

shunned society and the things that it represented. A passage he underlined in his copy

of Dr. Zhivago suggests that he hoped “to escape from the meaningless dullness of

human eloquence, from all those sublime phrases, to take refuge in nature . . .” (189).

The question is, what led him to act in this manner? Krakauer, the author of Into the

Wild, delved into what could have led Chris to choose such an uncommon lifestyle. One

of the main factors that Krakauer explores is Chris’s relationship with his father, Walt.

“Given Walt’s need to exert control and Chris’s extravagantly independent nature,

polarization was inevitable” (64). These conflicting attitudes, coupled with Walt’s

alternate marriage and children, created a change in Chris’s outlook which could have

led him to make the decision to go into the wild. According to Gaylord Stuckey, a truck

driver who gave Alex a ride from the Yukon Territory to Fairbanks, Alex “wanted to

prove to himself that he could make it on his own, without anybody else’s help” (159).

Chris’s actions were reasonable to himself, and I find it hard to say this actions are

arrogant. To him, they were noble ideas, worthy of his time and effort.



However, Callerman is right that Chris McCandless made mistakes based on

arrogance. Chris can be admired for his ideas, but his execution was flawed. Krakauer

points out, “He tried to live entirely off the country—and he tried to do it without bothering

to master beforehand the full repertoire of crucial skills” (182). He made crucial mistakes

that could have been avoided, and these mistakes cost him his life. He put himself in a

situation for which he was not fully prepared. It’s like a boxer moving up a weight class

when he’s not ready. He is courageous for doing so even though his actions can be

perceived as foolish or arrogant. Chris pushed himself too hard and fast. He paid the

price, but this doesn’t mean that his reasoning was wrong so much as his timing and

planning.

Callerman fails to realize that people do not act foolishly without having a reason.

People who appear to act foolishly always have a logical motive that can explain the

situation. Krakauer’s final conclusion is that McCandless was not crazy; he was a

spiritual seeker (85). It wasn’t romantic silliness that led him into the wild; it was the

dream of finding himself and connecting on a higher level that few of us can fully

comprehend.


DRAFT 8/07

APPENDIX—RESPONDING TO STUDENT WRITING FOR EDITING Feedback plays a crucial role in acquiring a language. As students in the Expository Reading and Writing Course struggle to express increasingly sophisticated ideas in writing, they need to know if they “got it right” and if not, how they need to modify what they have written so it will be “right.” The dilemma for the teacher is how to provide feedback that is cost effective, in other words, where the teacher’s time and effort and the student’s progress are in balance. Teachers can spend large amounts of time marking students’ errors, but if the feedback doesn’t result in improved writing, it’s a waste of time. They need to get the most out of a relatively modest amount of time invested in marking student errors because they have to also give students feedback on the global aspects of their writing, the ideas and the ways in which they are organized and developed. What follows are some suggestions for responding efficiently and effectively to student errors.

• Ask students to edit for grammatical correctness as the last step of the writing process. In an out-of-class writing situation, it’s a good idea to advise students to set aside their paper and come back to it later with fresh eyes. In a timed situation, students should budget their time and reserve the last few minutes for editing.

• Explain the role of editing. Help students keep sight of editing as a rhetorical

tool that they can use to make their arguments clearer and more persuasive. Make sure they don’t view it simply as busy work and that they understand that the skills they are learning will serve them well in college and on the job.

• Target key error types. As you select what to mark, consider the seriousness

of the error, its frequency, and whether the rule is “portable.” Help students to identify their patterns of error and edit systematically for them. Limit your marking of other errors.

• Identify errors, but don’t make corrections for the targeted error patterns.

At the beginning you will need to label targeted errors, but make students responsible for repairing the error. Once students are familiar with their personal patterns of error, you can simply underline or highlight errors. Ultimately, students should be able to identify and correct their own errors. Supply corrections for serious errors that you don’t think the student will be able to correctly independently.

• Provide students with correct words or phrases for lexical errors—those

not governed by rules. It isn’t helpful to tell students they have used a wrong word since they have no way to figure out the right word. Instead, supply the correct word or phrase, but Ask them to keep a log of these words that they can use it edit future papers.

• Teach students how to use a dictionary for editing. Dictionaries, particularly

those designed for learners of English, provide valuable information about the language beyond definitions. Students can check if a noun is count or non-count or find out what preposition follows a particular verb, but they need instruction and practice in using a dictionary in this way.


Appendix—Responding to Student Writing for Editing DRAFT 8/07

• Systematically mark the errors in one or two paragraphs. Give students

class time to edit when you return their essay. After reviewing the paragraph(s) that you have marked, they can apply what they have learned to the rest of the essay, and you can answer questions that arise on the spot.

• Give students feedback about their editing. Even when students make their

best effort, they will produce new and different errors when they edit. They need feedback so they don’t assume those new errors are correct.

• Do debriefing. After students have written an in- or out-of-class assignment,

ask them about the editing strategies that they used and what they would do differently next time. Before their next essay, remind them of what they learned the last time.

A Very Short List of Editing Labels Students need to have their sentence-level errors labeled in order for them to learn to identify their errors. Using a minimum number of labels makes it easier for students to remember what they mean and also speeds up the job of marking for teachers. The following labels are used in the exercises in this book. Using them consistently in marking student writing will help them locate their errors and understand that individual errors are often part of a larger pattern of error that they can and should master. noun All errors in formation of nouns; plurals and singulars verb All errors of verb form (endings) and verb tense s-v agree Subject-verb agreement run-on Run-on sentence or comma splice frag. Sentence fragment punct. Punctuation error sp. Spelling error sent. Sentence error—error in the way clauses are formed and joined


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DRAFT - banninghs.org · A Text-based Grammar for Expository Writing . Teaching Grammar in the CSU Expository Reading and Writing Course . DRAFT . Roberta Ching . Expository Reading