7/25/2019 Easy Tips for Controlling Emotions
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Easy Tips for Controlling Emotions
1. Change your perspective
Emotions, even challenging ones like anger, fear and jealousy,
are there for a reason! Theyre
messages from you to you theres wisdom. Instead of controlling
the emotions, control yourehavior. "#itting, shouting, hurting,
running are all ehaviors$.
%hat if we could interact with other &eo&le with that
same calm, &owerful, effortless ease' (nemajor reason we dont
is that we get caught u& in small tensions and conflicts. These
um&s
usually escalate into two sides oth needing to e right ecause
were so good at sensing danger.
)t the very core of our eing is a set of reactions that hel&
us survive. Thousands of years of
&ractice have refined our aility to &rotect ourselves
from threat and danger. %e dont haveturtle*like shells or
tiger*like fangs we have su&er*sensitive rains.
%hen our rains &erceive a threat, they react to &rotect
us+ its a survival res&onse uilt into thelimic rain "or
emotional rain$. e&ending on iology and e-&erience, that
&rotection comes
from fighting, fleeing, or freeing. /ome &eo&le also add
another f flocking or herdingtogether. It is almost im&ossile
to avoid that im&ulse+ we are literally hard*wired to react
that
way to defend against threat.
/o, if I threaten you, I can almost guarantee that you will
react y fighting, fleeing, or freeing.
0ou will e defensive y attacking ack, retreating, evading, or
ganging u& with others. (fcourse, de&ending on your
reaction, you can almost guarantee that I will res&ond with one
of
those as well.
The threat res&onse is &art of what r. aniel 1oleman
called hijacking the amygdala and iswell defined in r. 2ose&h
3eou-s research. The amgydala is one of the &rimary
emotional
centers in the rain+ one core function is reacting to
&erceived danger. )s r. 4eter /alovey says,
this reaction is actually an e-am&le of the intelligence of
our emotions a kind of emotional
logic is followed and decisions are made with little or no
cognitive thought+ the &rolem is thatfew of us have
develo&ed this as&ect of our intelligence.
/o what constitutes threat from the amygdalas &oint of view'
)lmost any interaction where
someone is trying to take &ower over someone else will
trigger the survival res&onse. 4eo&le
try to take &ower y &utting others down, shaming,
laming, emarrassing, judging, discrediting,and dividing.
0ou can see this dynamic at &lay on a daily asis in most
usinesses, schools, and families. I
want to e right so I walk in laming and judging, &utting
down other &eo&le+ if I make themless it seems to
strengthen my &osition. The other &erson reacts in survival
mode, and the
situation escalates. It ha&&ens almost every time. 0et,
time after time, I see myself and others
sur&rised and disa&&ointed when &eo&le are
defensive!
7/25/2019 Easy Tips for Controlling Emotions
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2. Create emotions strategies.
5onsider6 %hat do you want to ha&&en ne-t' 7ased on
these factors6 %hat feelings will hel&
make that ha&&en' o you have any of those feelings'
5hances are, in any situation you have
multi&le feelings call on the ones that will hel& you
move forward.
3. Charge your compassion batteries.Its tough to make
emotionally wise choices when youre feelings of com&assion are
hiding.
Interestingly, actively &racticing to care aout others
increases your com&assion whichincreases your own inner
&eace.
(ne of the asic facts aout emotion6 Feelings motivate.
8ear motivatesprotection.
)nger motivates attack.
2oy motivates connection.
isgust motivates rejection.
Trust motivates stepping forward.
/orrow motivates withdrawing.
/ur&rise motivates stopping to assess.
)ntici&ation motivateslooking forward.
There are myriad cominations of these e-&ressed in thousands
of words for feelings.
