English 9 Honors/Freshman Seminar

Writing Manual

North Salem High School

Mrs. Vilkas

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Table of Contents Page

I. In-Class Writing Brief Description 3Essay Key Points 4-6Literature Based Essay Writing Explanation 7ELA Regents Essay Rubric 8Critical Lens Graphic Organizer 9-10Critical Lens Checklist 11

II. Critical Stance Research Writing Brief Description 12Sample Research Assignment: The Media Project 13-14Media Project Model 15Media Project Peer Editing Sheet 16Research Paper Rubric 17

III. Partial Task Writing Brief Description 18Revising Writing for Sentence Variety 19Exploring Tense Shifts 20-21Pronoun Antecedents 22-23Sample Essay Introductions 24Sample Mini-Essay Tasks 25-27Integrating Quotations 28-34

IV. Blog Writing Brief Description 35Blog Comment Rubric 36

V. Stylistic/Mechanical Elements of Writing Brief Description 37Sentence Types 38Sentence Beginnings 39Use of Commas 40-43A Good List of Transitions 44-46Avoiding the Dreaded “Said” 47-48Writing Self/Peer-Evaluation 49-50

(I)

In-Class Based WritingExtemporaneous prompt writing is used to assess all students in grades 6 through 12. The North

Salem English Department maintains a commitment to these tasks represented by the frequency and

attention assigned to students’ in-class writing skills development. As students work to improve

their ability to interpret the prompt, construct, and, most importantly, write a response, the material

contained within will provide the information they need for improvement.

Students Should:

Recognize the importance of the three-pronged approach to interpretation: (1) analyze and interpret the text, (2) discuss the technique used to convey the author’s message, (3) provide support in the form of specific textual references for both;

Follow the suggestions for introduction, body and conclusion provided on the next page;

Always maintain the appropriate task focus; never loose touch with the point posed in the question by drifting off into a pure discussion of plot.

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Essay Key Points

Introductions: Grab reader’s attention Reframe the question Add brief specifics that hint at your interpretation Must be precise New level beyond formulaic approach is ideal

Supporting Details From Literary Works: Integration of quotes versus quotes as appendages Using ellipsis so quotes flow into writing Appropriately introduce full quotes using strong verbs such as:

SAY: exclaimed stammered, whimpered, pleaded, whispered, mumbled, interrupted, retorted, continued, explained, squealed, replied, warned, objected, asked

PHASES OF CREATION / ORGANIZATION: arranged, conceived, created, designed, developed, devised, enabled, enhanced, formulated, initiated, invented, innovated, originated, packaged, prepared, produced, refined, reshaped, resolved, solved, structured

DISCOVER / TO MAKE AWARE: ascertain, determine, unearth, reveal, uncover, unveil, expose, unmask, divulge

TO THINK: conceive, envision, imagine, realize, visualize, suppose, suspect, conjecture, surmise, deem, reason, cogitate, speculate, deliberate, reflect

TO CLARIFY: elucidate, illuminate, illustrate, justify, rationalize, explicate

Organization:

You should include at least TWO body paragraphs per work discussed.

Avoid Clichés:on the other hand never a dull moment give 110%due to the fact that fall on deaf ears one game at a timeall walks of life calm before the storm just trying to help the

team winleave no stone unturned nipped in the bud jump on the band

wagon

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Task Focus: Be certain to use any literary elements suggested in the question. You may discuss elements not listed in question, but not at the exclusion of

those elements. Note these common literary elements used by authors:

allegoryalliterationallusionantagonistAsidecharacterizationconflictcoupletdialogueepithet

flashbackfoilforeshadowinggenrehyperboleimageryin media resironymetaphormood/tone

novelonomatopoeiaoxymoronpersonificationplayplot - all 6 partspoint of viewplayprotagonistred herring

rhyme schemesettingshort storysimilesoliloquysonnetsymbolismthemetragedytragic flaw

Conclusion: Expand the scope of your discussion; Make a sharp final observation; Avoid redundancy = don’t repeat what you’ve already said in the essay.

General Points: Use formal writing – no contraction, no informal diction (kids, guys), no

symbols for words (&); Pay attention to sentence beginnings, which often leads to sentence

structure; (See Writing Revision Sheet from The Odyssey) Watch agreement in use of pronoun antecedents; (See handout on pronoun

antecedents) Proofread for shifts in tenses; Use this basic plan before you write:

Work #1 Work #2Title / AuthorCharacter(s)Example #1

Literary Element #1

Quote #1

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Example #2 Literary Element

#2

Quote #2

Conclusion:

Do not quit when faced with a challenge Quiet your subconscious random thoughts Be definite – avoid “might mean”

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In-Class Essay WritingExplanation of the Parts

The purpose of a literature based essay is for you (the student) to show the teacher that you understand the author’s intended purpose or meaning, and that you understand how the author revealed this purpose using technique. You explain your interpretation of author’s purpose and author’s technique using specific textual evidence in the form of quotes to support your thesis (your interpretation of the author’s meaning).

Introduction: Hook: some unique way of getting the reader’s attention and introducing the focus of the

paper. (Avoid vague, general comments that can be used to start any paper you ever write).Background Information: The first few sentences of the introduction summarize the

meaning or focus of the literature/text. Be sure to provide the title and author somewhere in the intro.

Thesis and Subtopics: The thesis is where you state your interpretation of the author’s purpose or meaning. It can be the last of the introduction, but it is not required to be. The subtopics are the focus each body paragraph. These subtopics should be a part of the intro. Body Paragraphs (2 - 4 of these per work):

Topic Sentence: The first sentence in your body paragraph should include a word or phrase that helps the reader transition to the new idea. State the subtopic and specific idea or attitude about that topic you plan to discuss and show its connection to the thesis.

Quote Set Up: Text quotes will introduce evidence from the literature that supports your thesis and observations. You must effectively introduce the quote by providing the context for quote.

Text Quote: Select evidence from the text that supports your thesis. The evidence can be dialogue or actions as described by the author. The evidence should be directly quoted, using quotation marks and line or page number citations.

Analysis: After the text quote, use two or three lines to explain how this quote supports your thesis.

Conclusion: At the end of the paragraph, make an inference or connection about the overall significance as it relates to the text.Conclusion:

Restate thesis: Use a transitional phrase to begin your concluding paragraph. The first sentence restates your thesis from the introductory paragraph. Avoid using the same wording you used in your introduction.

Review Subtopics: Write one to three sentences that summarize the three main points from your body paragraphs.

Concluding Thoughts: State and explain the larger significance of your thesis. How does what you have examined in the essay and the text relate to the larger context of the world we live in?

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# _____ NAME _____________________Date _______________________

The Once and Future King and Childhood's End Rubric

QUALITY COMMENTARY PTS.EARNED

PTS. AVAIL-ABLE

Meaning: the extent to which the response exhibits sound understanding, interpretation, and analysis of the task and text.

The essay begins with a topic paragraph that includes the title and author of the work, an appropriate critical lens and its source. (10)The student has provided a correct interpretation of the lens and has agreed or disagreed with the statement. (10)

Development: the extent to which ideas are elaborated using specific and relevant evidence from the text.

The student has thoroughly discussed one relevant reason or example that supports or refutes the lens by providing specific details from the first text. (15)

o Quotations from the work illuminate the student’s thesis

o Citations are accurate

The student has thoroughly discussed a second relevant reason or example that supports or refutes the lens by providing specific details from the same text. (15)The student has thoroughly discussed one relevant reason or example that supports or refutes the lens by providing specific details from the second text. (15)

o Quotations from the work illuminate the student’s thesis

o Citations are accurate

The student has thoroughly discussed a second relevant reason or example that supports or refutes the lens by providing specific details from the second text. (15)

Organization: the extent to which the response exhibits direction, shape, and coherence.

The student has divided the essay into appropriate paragraphs. The essay is clearly written and organized.

(5)

Language: the extent to which the response reveals an awareness of audience and purpose through effective use of words, sentence structure, and sentence variety.

The student has written in whole sentences and has maintained a third person narrative.

(5)

Conventions: the extent to which the response exhibits conventional spelling, punctuation, paragraphing, capitalization, grammar, and usage.

There are no errors in mechanics. (-1/2 pt. per error) (10)

TOTAL POINTS EARNED:

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In-Class Essay:Graphic Organizer for Critical Lens Prep Activity

How to "Solve" a Critical LensGo on-line to some great sources like http://www.bartleby.com/100/index.html,

http://www.bemorecreative.com/home-cq.shtml, http://www.quotationspage.com/searchphp3, http://www.theotherpages.org/quote.html or look through a book of McGill's Quotations or Bartlett's Quotations and find five or six challenging quotes on a subject.

Directions: Read and interpret each lens. Then choose two works we’ve read this year that would apply. Predict which elements from each work might aid you in your discussion as well. Students are encouraged to discuss the particular details they would mention in small group discussion to further review of the literature.

Now, follow these steps:1. Copy the quotation and author here:

2.

Look up any unfamiliar words or any words that are used in a unique way.

Vocabulary Word: Shades of Meanings:

3. Explain the meaning of the quote in simple English:

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4. State why do you agree or disagree with it based upon the works you have read. ________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________

5. Select TWO works that prove OR disprove the intent of the quote:________________________________ by ___________________________________________________________________ by ___________________________________

6. In the table below, cite the character(s) you will choose AND the specific examples you'll use to prove or disprove the quote:

Character(s): Critical Examples, Scenes, Details which Support OR refute the Quote:

w

w

w

w

w

w

w

w

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Critical Lens Checklist: WHAT TEACHERS CONSIDER WHEN GRADING THESE ESSAYS!

Content Have you stated lens and source? Is the interpretation clear and accurate? Have you agreed or disagreed (“This is proven true in…”) Did you provide the accurate full titles and authors? Does each paragraph have a topic sentence? Is there specific and relevant evidence in each paragraph? Development, development, development! (Have you provided MANY supporting details?) Have you made an explicit connection to lens? Have you made a summary statement which explains what was ultimately revealed?

Skills Have you included transition words or ideas in:

Topic or transition statements? moving from your original idea to specific evidence? concluding sentences at the end of each paragraph?

Does your essay have varied sentence structure? Have you combined sentences using comma and coordinating conjunction (“,

and” or “ , but”)? Did you combine sentences using compound subjects or compound verbs

(“Kate and the Captain doubted Annie’s effectiveness at first” or “Mrs. Mallard closed the door and gazed out the window”)?

Have you also used some simple sentences that make your point clear? Have you used sophisticated and appropriate vocabulary? Did you …

alternate proper/pronouns? replace any slang and clichés? avoid ending sentences with prepositions like “with,” “to,” “of”?

Conventions Be certain you have checked for fragments and run-on sentences Did you proofread for spelling errors, comma splices, and incorrect capitalization? Have you checked for these common errors?

Repetitive use of language - particularly with a key term or character’s name (e.g., American dream, socialism, slavery, morality, Gatsby, Huck)

Redundant sentence structure or too many simple sentences Unclear thesis or vague conclusion Missing colon between independent clause sentence and independent clause Over-explanation of quotes (when meaning/significance is implied) Last name missing from page #’s in parenthetical citation Titles to be “quoted” (for short works) or italicized or underlined (for long works) Reference to author’s by first name (use “Shakespeare”, not “William”) Clichés and colloquialisms

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(II)

* Critical Stance Research Writing *The sample assignment and rubric on the ensuing pages represent the nature and focus of critical

stance based research. Students are expected to take a critical stance on a specific aspect of a text

and support their position by providing corroboration from established sources. Students must use

critical thinking skills to evaluate the legitimacy of the sources they reference, and be consistent in

their asserted stance.

Students Should:

Select a manageable part of the item to discuss

Take a clear stance on this issue by offering their own interpretation

Use outside sources and specific references to the work to support all claims

Make the topic their own while “standing on the shoulders of experts”

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Sample Research Assignment

Media Project

OBJECTIVES:Locate and Recall:

Collect relevant media criticism from legitimate sources Record appropriate documentation and reference information Sequence information in a logical and cogent organizational structure

Integrate and Interpret: Formulate a thesis Correlate supporting data Interpreting criticism Justify formulated thesis using supporting documentation

Critique and Evaluate: Corroborate various professional reviews Defend student's own interpretation Refute contradictory positions Evaluate objectivity of original interpretation Validate final conclusion

Students will complete research and composition of a high school level research paper that will:• Clearly establish a thesis • Use various sources to prove a thesis• Draw a conclusion• More sophisticated papers will address present both sides of an argument or multiple interpretations regarding the subject• Follow MLA format as outlined in the North Salem Research Paper Booklet (e.g., parenthetical citations, direct quote and paraphrasing format and explanation, Works Cited format—including internet and database sources)

Learning Activities: Students will: read and analyze professional media criticism. collect supporting materials that both affirm and contradict thesis. highlight the articles in two colors – one for positive aspects and a second for the negative. formulate a thesis. organize supporting materials. coordinate information provided through research with initial interpretations. synthesize various scholarly perspectives with their own. revise written materials following prerequisites of MLA format. create a list of reference (Works Cited) cited in the text of the paper. publish a final draft for submission to teacher and anti-plagiarism online software

(turnitin.com)

Media Project

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For this assignment, you are to choose a new media product such as a new cell-phone, MP3 player, book, TV show, CD, film, or video game.

To accomplish this, you will need to:

Choose which new CD, TV show, film, or video game you would like to research. ;

Locate three professional critiques;

Create a typed and corrected works cited page based on MLA format;

Compose guiding questions;

Highlight the articles in two colors, one for positive, one for negative facts;

Choose dynamic graphics;

Write a rough draft;

Peer edit another person’s paper and critique it;

Revise the rough draft to create a professional final draft;

Send your paper to Turnitin.com and print a hard copy for me to grade

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Freshman Seminar Period ________ Days __________ A. Student

Sample Media Review

I really hate opera! Nevertheless, I actually liked this new CD release by Andrea Bocelli

because “he has a beautiful voice, … [whose] savvy increases from one disk to the next” (Tuttle 2).

Even for a person relatively unfamiliar with opera, it is a collection of the most recognizable arias in

the world – not something the average person normally would clamor to buy but Bocelli isn’t an

average performer.

The appeal of Bocelli’s personality really comes

through on this CD. H eis obviously loves this music

and is clearly having fun – which makes his audience

have fun too. Maybe that’s his true appeal: that those

of us who don’t like opera like Bocelli’s form of opera.

It’s not so sophisticated and stuffy. It doesn’t sound

like he weighs three hundred pounds and is doing his

fans a great favor by performing for them as the

pompous Pavarotti does. He seems instead to be humble, performing with joy in his soul and

we are privileged to be the ones who happen to be eavesdropping on his prayers. Even snobbish

opera critics who dislike him are forced to get off their ivory podiums and admit that this CD

“clearly captures something indefinably engaging about his voice -- ... the pleasure he brings to

each number” (Thompson 11). He may not reach their high standards of a Placido Domingo or

a Jose Carreras, but the unforced, untrained, natural quality of his performances draws his

audience. And so, despite some lackadaisical reviews, we untutored buy his CDs again and

again simply because “he is Bocelli, and that is enough for his fans” (Dyer 7). What could be

greater praise?

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Media Research Project Rubric Peer Editing Sheet

1. Is there an interesting title? _____ _____ yes no

2. Are three quotes highlighted _____ _____with a different color for each source? yes no

3. Is there some student writing before, between, and after _____ _____all highlighted quotes? yes no

4. Is there a citation in parenthesis (author page) for each quote? _____ _____ yes no

5. Did the student clearly state whether s/he feels positive or _____ _____negative about this subject? yes no

6. Do the quotes strongly support the student's opinion? _____ _____ yes no

7. Are there no spelling or grammatical mistakes? (If so, _____ _____please fix them.) yes no

8. Read the essay carefully. Might there be any incidents of _____ _____unintentional plagiarism? yes no

9. Is the essay convincing to you? Would you be strongly _____ _____influenced by what the student and experts said? yes no

10. What grade would you give this paper? _____

11. Why would you give it this grade?

___________________________________ ________________________________ Author’s Name Editor’s Name

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Research Paper Rubric

Name of Student - _________________________

Research Critical Thinking SkillsLocate and Recall: 1. Sequence information in a logical organizational structure (5) ________

Integrate and Interpret: 2. Formulate a thesis (5) ________ 3. Correlate supporting data (5) ________ 4. Interpreting criticism (5) ________ 5. Justify formulated thesis using supporting documentation (5) ________

Critique and Evaluate: 6. Corroborate various scholarly interpretations (5) ________ 7. Defend student's own interpretation (5) ________ 8. Refute contradictory positions (5) ________ 9. Evaluate legitimacy of sources (5) ________10. Validate final conclusion (5) ________

Research Writing Skills / MLA Format

2. Introduction: interesting beginning/ length/ thesis (10) ________

3. Body: diction/mechanics/ length (10) ________

4. Conclusion: recap of entire paper/ powerful final comments (10) ________

5. Balance of Direct Quotes, Paraphrasing, Student Work:skillful integration in text of paper (10) ________

6. Work Cited Page/Source Quality: variety/ form (10) ________

Total Points: ________

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(III)

* Partial Task Writing *An effective way to improve students’ overall performance on essays is to focus on specific

components of an essay: introductions, body paragraphs, conclusions, quote integration and others.

These tasks can become mini-lessons that allow students to gain clarity on the specific objects of

each part of the overall essay.

Students Should:

Focus on the specific requirements of a particular part of an essay;

Incorporate the skills uses to complete these smaller tasks when writing full essays;

Recognize that each part of the essay has a specific, unique purpose.

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# _____ Name ______________________________Revising Writing Date _______________________________

Go through your essay which compared the film and epic poem versions of The Odyssey and find the following types of sentences. (If your essay doesn't have one type, rewrite one to fit each of the categories.)1. Copy/Revise one sentence from your essay which has a compound subject on the lines

below:

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

2. Copy/Revise one sentence from your essay which has a compound predicate:________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

3. Find (or rewrite) one sentence so that the predicate comes first in the sentence:________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

4. Choose any sentence which has few descriptors and add at least one adjective and one adverb:________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

5. Check for RO (run-on) or frag. (fragment) in the margins.* Copy the original here:________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

... and revise it here to make a whole sentence:________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

* No run-ons or fragments? See me for a different task like: p -> a or s -> v or "Also ..." or tense shifts or "you"or "I" corrections

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Avoiding Tense Shifts:Controlling Shifts in Verb Tense 1 Throughout this document, example sentences with nonstandard or inconsistent usage have verbs in

red.Writing often involves telling stories. Sometimes we narrate a story as our main purpose in writing;

sometimes we include brief anecdotes or hypothetical scenarios as illustrations or reference points in an essay.

Even an essay that does not explicitly tell a story involves implied time frames for the actions discussed and states described. Changes in verb tense help readers understand the temporal relationships among various narrated events. But unnecessary or inconsistent shifts in tense can cause confusion.

Generally, writers maintain one tense for the main discourse and indicate changes in time frame by changing tense relative to that primary tense, which is usually either simple past or simple present. Even apparently non-narrative writing should employ verb tenses consistently and clearly.

General guideline: Do not shift from one tense to another if the time frame for each action or state is the same.

Examples:1. The ocean contains rich minerals that washed down from rivers and streams. (In this

example contains is present tense, referring to a current state; washed down is past, but should be present (wash down) because the minerals are currently continuing to wash down.)Corrected: The ocean contains rich minerals that wash down from rivers and streams.

2. About noon the sky darkened, a breeze sprang up, and a low rumble announces the approaching storm. (Here, darkened and sprang up are past tense verbs; announces is present but should be past (announced) to maintain consistency within the time frame.)Corrected: About noon the sky darkened, a breeze sprang up, and a low rumble announced the approaching storm.

3. Yesterday we had walked to school but later rode the bus home. (In this one, had walked is past perfect tense but should be past to maintain consistency within the time frame (yesterday); rode is past, referring to an action completed before the current time frame.) Corrected: Yesterday we walked to school but later rode the bus home.

General guideline: Do shift tense to indicate a change in time frame from one action or state to another.

1 Berry, Chris and Brizee, Allen. http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/601/08/ 2009

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Controlling Shifts in a Paragraph or Essay

General guideline: Establish a primary tense for the main discourse (usually past tense in a formal essay), and ONLY use occasional shifts to other tenses to indicate changes in time frame.

Hints: Rely on past tense to narrate events and to refer to an author or an author's ideas as historical

entities (biographical information about a historical figure or narration of developments in an author's ideas over time).

You may use present tense to state facts, to refer to perpetual or habitual actions, and to discuss your own ideas or those expressed by an author in a particular work. You may use past or present tense to describe action in a literary work, movie, or other fictional narrative – just BE CONSISTENT!

Future action may be expressed in a variety of ways, including the use of will, shall, is going to, are about to, tomorrow and other adverbs of time, and a wide range of contextual cues.

Sample Paragraphs

The main tense in this first sample is past. Tense shifts are inappropriate and are indicated in bold.The gravel crunched and spattered beneath the wheels of the bus as it swung into the station.

Outside the window, shadowy figures peered at the bus through the darkness. Somewhere in

the crowd, two, maybe three, people were waiting for me: a woman, her son, and possibly

her husband. I could not prevent my imagination from churning out a picture of them, the

town, and the place I will soon call home. Hesitating a moment, I rise from my seat, these

images flashing through my mind. (In the sample, will should be would, and rise should be

rose.)

Inappropriate shifts from past to present, such as those that appear in the above paragraph, are sometimes hard to resist. The writer becomes drawn into the narrative and begins to relive the event as an ongoing experience. The inconsistency should be avoided, however.

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Correct Use of Pronouns2

1. Use the nominative case if the pronoun is a subject or a predicate nominative.She eats cake. (subject) Is he here? (subject)That is I. (predicate nominative)

2. Use the objective case when the pronoun is an object.Clarence invited us. (direct object) Chapa gave me a gift. (indirect object)Spot! Don't run around me! (object of preposition)

3. Use the possessive case to replace possessive nouns and to modify gerunds. Never use an apostrophe in a possessive personal pronoun.

That new car is hers. They were thrilled at his playing the violin.

4. Use the nominative case for an appositive that renames a subject or a predicate nominative.We three -- Mark, his sister, and I -- went to camp. (I went to camp.)Those are the winners, Pam and she. (She is the winner.)

5. Use the objective case for an appositive that renames an object.The teacher called us, Barry and me. (The teacher called me.)Mom gave them, Amy and her, the job. (Mom gave her the job.)

6. If a pronoun is followed by an appositive, choose the case of the pronoun that would be correct if the appositive were omitted.

We the jury find the defendant guilty. That building was erected by us workers.

7. In elliptical adverb clauses using than and as, choose the case of the pronoun that you would use if the missing words were fully expressed.

Kareem is a better sprinter than I. (I am) It helped you more than me. (It helped me.)

8. In questions, use who for subjects and whom for objects. Use who and whoever for subjects and predicate nominatives in subordinate clauses. Use the objective pronouns whom and whomever for objects in subordinate clauses.

Who roasted these marshmallows? Whom will you hire next?This medal is for whoever finishes first. The newspaper will interview

whomever the editor chooses.

2 Adapted from Glencoe Interactive Grammar and www.esc.edu/

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9. Use a reflexive pronoun to refer to the subject of a sentence or clause. Don't use hisself or theirselves.

Jerry found himself in a mess. The candidates questioned(singular subject) themselves about their tactics. (plural

subject)

10. An antecedent is the word or group of words to which a pronoun refers or that a pronoun replaces. All pronouns must agree with their antecedents in number, gender, and person.

She brought her books to class. (Use feminine and singular)Colleen's friends gave up their free time to help. (Both are plural.)The Senate passed its first bill of the year. (Use singular.)

The following words make a noun or pronoun singular:

anybody..... every... no one.... someone… anyone..... everybody..... nobody.....something…. each..... everyone..... none…. either..... neither..... somebody

You need to use singular pronoun forms with these words. So if the trick singular refers to a group of mixed gender, you need to use "he or she" or "his or her" in order to be correct. ("They"--moving from singular to plural--is incorrect here.) For example:

o Monday is the day when each department head in Marketing activates his or her voice mail; it's all-day meeting day.

o Everybody who hears little Loretta sing has his or her own way of telling her parents that she is so expressive, she would make a good mime.

You know that "each department head" and "everybody" do actually refer to more than one person, but they function as singular nouns because of their wording. (They contain special words such as "each" and "every" that make them act as singular nouns, thus requiring singular pronouns.) Sometimes, you can avoid an awkward-sounding singular pronoun by rewriting the sentence by using a simple plural noun and pronoun. For example:

o Monday is the day when the department heads in Marketing activate their voice mail; it's all-day meeting day.

11. Make sure that the antecedent of a pronoun is clearly stated.UNCLEAR: The people who lost their dogs stayed in their yards, hoping they

would return.CLEAR: The people who lost their dogs stayed in their yards, hoping the

dogs would return.

UNCLEAR: If you park the car under the sign, it will be towed away.CLEAR: If you park the car under the sign, the car will be towed away.

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Sample Essay Introductions

Essay #1-William Hazlitt’s Lectures on the English Comic Writers (1819)

William Hazlitt’s speculative lecture on Man as “the only animal that laughs and weeps” posits that “to explain the nature of laughter and tears, is to account for the human condition of life.” Of life he concludes that despite “the crimes and misfortunes that are inseparable from it,” Man’s ability to recognize that the “oddity of circumstances, and the absurdity or unaccountableness of a foolish action in it” allows us to laugh instead of cry, “receive pleasure instead of pain,” and recognize the farcical stage on which we tread.

Essay #2-John Updike’s “The First Kiss”

“The many-headed monster,” the metaphorical representation of Boston’s “Fenway faithful,” and, perhaps on a grander scale, that of all fervent fans of America’s pastime, is the subject of John Updike’s insightful commentary on the paradoxical relationship of ardent Red Sox supporters who long for that long allusive victory, and the team that seems ever-destined for defeat. Updike’s wistful reflection of the previous season’s climactic fall at the hands of “shoestring catch and a cheap home run” is juxtaposed with the “short memories, elastic hearts, and very foolable faculties” of a hopeful opening day crowd. Win or lose, “This is fun” is the sentiment Updike concludes about baseball, though he recognizes that this is certainly “a hard lesson for a hungry monster to master.”

Essay #3-Anwar F. Accawi’s “The Telephone”

“As far back as anybody could remember,” reflects Anwar Accawi, “people were born so many years before a or after a long drought or a big snow or some other disaster.” Such was life in Magadaluna, a small Lebanese village where time was measured by a “natural—or, rather, a divine calendar.” Accawi’s nostalgic tone reinforced through colorful anecdotes reveals his wistful yearning for the simpler life of his childhood, in which time was determined by the sun and the moon, the shaking of the earth and the flooding of the rivers, and, of course, the year “fish and oranges fell from the sky.”

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Sample Mini-Essay TasksShort Takes Mini Essay #1-“Sentence Variety”

Choose five sentences from your essay that compared the film version of The Odyssey with Homer’s epic.

Be sure to: Follow the directions for each sentence; Focus on one element/device/technique; Revise one sentence to represent each of the following:

o Compound subjecto Compound predicateo Predicate firsto Enhanced descriptorso Revision of fragments and run-ons.

For example, revise sentences to look like this…

Odysseus and Telemachus … (compound subject)

-or-

Odysseus listened to his men and planned …

-or-

Hiding the spear under the dung heaps, Odysseus…

-or-

The wily Odysseus quickly …

- or -

Odysseus disguised himself as a beggar, he didn’t want anyone to know who he was.

to …

Odysseus chose to disguise himself as a beggar so no one except Telemachus would know his identity.

EXEMPLAR: Note how this student focuses on single sentence revision to give variety and sophistication to the writing.

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Short Takes Mini Essay #2-“Levels of Feeling”

Revise the rough draft of your Rainsford letter to help the reader experience the emotions he must have experienced during his adventure on Ship-Trap Island.Be sure to:

Focus on Rainsford’s state of mind at each point in your narrative; Focus on this one technique; Use sufficient and specific evidence to justify your choice of adjectives, nouns, verbs, or

adverbs; Select from “strong” row from the table of Levels of Feeling and boldface these in your

narrative.

You might begin, for example, with

Rainsford was terrified (rather than “scared”) when he …

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Levels of Feeling

This is a separate document – unable to be placed here because it is in landscape. See other file on this cd

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Integrating QuotationsThe problem of clarity

When you use quotations, you're letting someone else speak in the middle of your discourse. That has its uses, of course, but it also risks confusing your reader about who's speaking and what relation the quoted words have to your own argument. Student writers are often oblivious to this risk because they're not used to looking at what they've written from a reader's point of view. But consider the problems your reader faces. He encounters quotations used for many different purposes: to support or amplify an argument, to raise a new point, to present a point of disagreement. Don't assume your reader will know why you're using a particular quotation.

There are two main problems of clarity in using quotations: (1) Distinguishing your own argument from the arguments of various quoted passages; and (2) making sure the reader understands what a quotation is expected to accomplish.

1. Distinguishing your own argument from the argument of a quotation

Often you'll wish to use quotations to summarize positions with which you'll disagree a little or a lot. This is especially likely to happen when you're surveying past studies or perspectives as a way of laying the groundwork for your own argument. Here's how one prominent literary critic, Stephen Greenblatt, deals with previous approaches to Shakespeare's plays:

     Those plays have been described with impeccable intelligence as deeply conservative and with equally impeccable intelligence as deeply radical. Shakespeare, in Northrop Frye's words, is "a born courtier," the dramatist who organizes his representation of English history around the hegemonic mysticism of the Tudor myth; Shakespeare is also a relentless demystifier, an interrogator of ideology, "the only dramatist," as Franco Moretti puts it, "who rises to the level of Machiavelli in elaborating all the consequences of the separation of political praxis from moral evaluation." The conflict glimpsed here could be investigated, on a performance-by-performance basis. . . .

Stephen Greenblatt, Shakespearean Negotiations: The Circulation of Social Energy in Renaissance England (Berkeley: University of California Press, 1988), 23.

Greenblatt wishes to call attention to the "conflict," as he calls it, between these two views of Shakespeare (conservative or radical). He's not trying to argue that one or the other view is right, and so he crafts the passage to give each view equal weight. In the larger essay from which this excerpt is taken, Greenblatt develops his own perspective, an interpretive model that stresses "negotiation" and ambivalence rather than imposed and settled meaning.

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Sometimes one will want to use a controversial source. The best tack is to set up the quotation in such a way that you show understanding of the controversy:

ORIGINAL REVISION

Many Germans participated in genocide: "an enormous number of ordinary, representative Germans became—and most of their fellow Germans were fit to be—Hitler's willing executioners" (Goldhagen 454).

Scholars have long debated what degree of responsibility ordinary Germans bore for the Holocaust. For Daniel Goldhagen the answer is clear: "an enormous number of ordinary, representative Germans became—and most of their fellow Germans were fit to be—Hitler's willing executioners" (454).

The original presents Goldhagen's words without any cognizance of the controversy surrounding his argument. The revision, by contrast, takes note of the controversy. It may now go on to agree or disagree with Goldhagen, or take a more nuanced view. The key point is that it's created space for the writer's own view, rather than crowding that view and the quotation's perspective together.

2. Explaining the point or sense of a quotation

The other main problem of clarity that arises with quotations is to explain a quoted passage's point. This is especially important when the original text is ironic or carries some other non-obvious meaning. For example, the original passage below presents a quotation from Shakespeare's great villain, Iago, without doing anything to note its irony:

ORIGINAL REVISION

Iago says to Othello, "Who steals my purse steals trash; . . . / . . . / But he that filches from me my good name / Robs me of that which not enriches him / And makes me poor indeed" (3.3.157-61).

Drawing Othello further into his web, Iago suggests that public embarrassment would be intolerable: "Who steals my purse steals trash; . . . / . . . / But he that filches from me my good name / Robs me of that which not enriches him / And makes me poor indeed" (3.3.157-61). Iago, of course, is utterly contradicting his earlier declamation to Cassio on the folly of reputation (2.3.256-61).

The revision does a much better job of helping the reader make sense of the quotation, its place in Shakespeare's play, and its function in the essay's argument.

   Integrating quotations

Quotations need to be worked into texts, but some efforts to do this actually stop essays dead in their tracks. Here a student thinks she must officially begin the quotation with a clause like He states:

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ORIGINAL REVISION

The tension builds when Brutus accuses Cassius of accepting bribes. He states, "Let me tell you, Cassius, you yourself / Are much condemned to have an itching palm, / To sell and mart your offices for gold . . ." (4.3.9-11).

The tension builds when Brutus accuses Cassius of accepting bribes: "Let me tell you, Cassius, you yourself / Are much condemned to have an itching palm, / To sell and mart your offices for gold . . ." (4.3.9-11).

Cutting He states allows a stronger, livelier bridge to the quotation.

In similar fashion, students often feel they must announce that a quotation or paraphrase serves as an example. But such careful announcements (along the lines of you've just read an example of what I'm talking about) can drag an essay down:

ORIGINAL REVISION

The Duke, disguised as a friar, gets a woman named Mariana to take Isabel's place. This is one example of how the Duke plans just as a director would do.

The Duke, disguised as a friar, gets Mariana to take Isabel's place. Here the Duke acts like a skilled director.

The revision sweeps the original's slow phrasing (This is one example of how) into one word, Here. And notice that in the revision the writer came up with a sharper verb and tighter phrasing.

As you think about integrating quotations, keep looking for ways to be more concise and lively:

ORIGINAL REVISION

In The Prince Machiavelli states that the general requirement of a prince is to "endeavor to avoid those things which would make him the object of hatred and contempt" (64).

In The Prince Machiavelli states that a prince should "endeavor to avoid those things which would make him the object of hatred and contempt" (64).

Make sure your quotations fit grammatically into the essay. They can't simply be stuck in anywhere. Like any other elements of writing, quotations must be presented so as to make grammatical sense. Thus a quotations that's an independent clause must not be spliced onto another independent clause:

WRONG RIGHT

Hawking is at heart a rational empiricist, "I think there is a universe out there waiting to be investigated and understood" (44).

Hawking is at heart a rational empiricist: "I think there is a universe out there waiting to be investigated and understood" (44).

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In general, introduce a quotation with a colon if the quotation consists of one or more complete sentences and the introductory sentence also stands as a complete sentence.

If the quotation is not a complete sentence, then you need to weave it into your own sentence as you would any other word, phrase, or clause:

In medieval Europe love "was not the normal basis of marriage" (Trevelyan 64).

Fortinbras recasts Hamlet in his own image, as a "soldier" (5.2.385).

In Chapter 2 of the Second Treatise, Locke defines the state of nature as "a state of perfect freedom . . ." (8).

Let's look more closely at how to introduce quotations.

   Signal phrases and statements

Signal phrases and statements let you introduce quotations with a minimum of fuss but enough information to help the reader make sense of them. Often you'll want to specify the author and text; other times you'll want to provide some other background or context-setting information. No universal rule applies, except to ask yourself what your reader needs to know to understand a quotation and its connection to your argument.

The Founders understood the new Constitution as "a republican remedy for the diseases most incident to republican government" (Madison 343).

In Federalist 51 Madison observes, "Different interests necessarily exist in different classes of citizens" (345).

Students often use weak or vague signal phrases:

ORIGINAL REVISION

Another point about sexual difference is made by Rubin. She says, "The human subject . . . is always either male or female" (171).

Rubin questions whether unbiased kinship diagrams are even possible: "The human subject . . . is always either male or female" (171).

The original opens with an unhelpful sentence that specifies a topic but not an argument. It follows with the choppy, rhythmless "She says" to introduce the quotation. The revision presents Rubin's

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argument in a nutshell, and the "even" explicitly ties the sentence back to an ongoing discussion, helping the reader keep the flow in mind. The revision also eschews "She says" in favor of an economical colon that moves speedily to the quotation.

One common way to build signal phrases is with the According to x construction:

According to W. C. Jordan, there were about 100,000 Jews in France in the middle of the 11th century (202).

According to Rich, we need to be careful about the risk of "presentism," of projecting present meanings on past events (3).

According to the Polish critic Jan Kott the play is best understood as a "great staircase," an endless procession of falling and rising kings (10).

Another technique, and one in keeping with the Nuts and Bolts preference for action-oriented writing, is to use clauses with the cited scholar as subject and a signaling verb to orient the quotation. Indeed, signal phrases (or clauses) are a great place to get strong verbs into academic writing. Here are some variations on the basic signal phrase construction of author + verb (+ that):

Rich warns us that we need to be careful about the risk of "presentism," of projecting present meanings on past events (3).

Patterson reviews the legal limits placed on the murder of slaves (190-93).

Depending on what you want your reader to know, you can provide all sorts of explanatory material in a signal phrase. Here, for instance, a writer identifies his sources' scholarly expertise in order to make the citation more persuasive:

The economic historians Nathan Rosenberg and L. E. Birdsell note that in the early capitalist period (from the late fifteenth century on) people had to outgrow firms based on kinship and separate their personal finances from their firm's finances. . . . [A long quotation follows]

Francis Fukuyama, Trust: The Social Virtues and the Creation of Prosperity (New York: Free Press, 1995), 154.

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Whether or not you need such explanations depends on your audience; in this case Fukuyama was writing for a general audience that would not be expected to be familiar with the names of the cited scholars.

One more comment about integrating quotations into an essay: pay attention to rhythm. Here's an in instance in which the writer elegantly integrates a quotation into her own prose. See if you can figure out what she did:

"Folktales," Calvino said, "are real." They catalog potential destinies, the trials of achieving maturity and a full humanity. They are psychologically apt, of course; but Italian folktales also owe a great deal to social realities, to history and to class. . . .

Harrison, Italian Days, 436.

First, the writer breaks up the quotation with that inserted signal phrase Calvino said. That separates Calvino's subject, folktales, from the predicate, are real. The effect is to solemnize Calvino's judgment, giving it the rhetorical oomph of truth (this is a highly effective writer's trick). Second, the writer uses the quotation's shortness and simplicity as a springboard to her own more complex sentences and diction. This balancing of long against short, complex against simple, detail against general, is something good writers do all the time—even with the quotations woven into their texts.

Punctuating quotations

Students get confused about punctuating quotations. For in-text quotations, the rules of American usage are fairly simple: commas and periods go inside the quotation marks (by convention rather than for any rational reason), and all other punctuation marks go outside. If, however, these other punctuation marks are part of the original quotation, then you put them inside the quotation marks.

If, as is usually the case, a parenthetical citation follows the quotation, it generally goes inside the terminal punctuation. Here's an original passage and various possibilities in quoting from it:

SOURCE

At this point I cannot suppress a sigh and a last hope. What is it that I especially find utterly unendurable? That I cannot cope with, that makes me choke and faint? Bad air! Bad air! The approach of some ill-constituted thing; that I have to smell the entrails of some ill-constituted soul!

How much one is able to endure: distress, want, bad weather, sickness, toil, solitude. Fundamentally one can cope with everything else, born as one is to a subterranean life of struggle . . .

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Friedrich Nietzsche, On the Genealogy of Morals. Trans. Walter Kaufmann and R. J. Hollindale. Modern Political Thought: Readings from Machiavelli to Nietzsche, ed. David Wootton (Indianapolis: Hackett, 1996), 917.

Various quoted versions showing different punctuation:

Nietzsche's melancholic energy is unmistakable: "At this point I cannot suppress a sigh and a last hope. What is it that I especially find utterly unendurable? That I cannot cope with, that makes me choke and faint? Bad air! Bad air!" (917)

"I cannot suppress," Nietzsche says, "a sigh and a last hope" (917).

Nietzsche finds some consolation in the sheer catalog of human suffering: "How much one is able to endure: distress, want, bad weather, sickness, toil, solitude. Fundamentally one can cope with everything else. . ." (917).

"What is it," Nietzsche asks, "that I especially find utterly unendurable?" (917)

What did Nietzsche mean when he complained about "bad air" (917)?

Nietzsche envisioned the human condition as "a subterranean life of struggle" (917); his own difficult life bears testimony to this description.

--from The Nuts and Bolts of College Writing

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(IV)

* Blog Writing *These shorter reflective writing assignments require students to draw conclusions, weigh and

comment on the assertions of their classmates, and make connections between themes studied and

the outside world. Blog posts provide students with opportunities to reflectively comment on key

course concepts. (Rubrics used to grade these assignments are attached)

Students Should:

Recognize the necessity to use critical thinking skills when completing these tasks;

Metacognitively reflect on what they think, and assess the foundations of their beliefs in regard to the prompt;

Address the assertions by respectfully clarifying their original thoughts and providing support for their claims.

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Name: ___________________ SCORE: _________

Discussion Topic #: _Summer Reading Task – Mission Statement__

Blog Comment Rubric*Score 25 20 15 0

Comment Insights and

Sophistication

Commentary indicates critical thinking and under- standing of the literature as well as the issues covered in the website.

Commentary indicates some critical thinking and under- standing of the literature as well as the issues covered in the site.

Commentary indicates little critical thinking and under- standing of the literature as well as the issues covered in the site.

Entry is generally a simple retelling of events with little specificity.

Personal Response to Key

Concepts

Entry conveys extensive evidence of a personal response to the issues raised in the website, and demonstrates the author’s growth through insightful reflection.

Entry conveys evidence of a personal response to the issues raised in the website, and demonstrates that the author is capable of reflecting on learning.

Entry conveys little evidence of a personal response to the issues/concepts raised in the website discus- sion.

Entry shows no personal response to the issues/concepts raised through the website.

Assignment Completion

Entry is completed on time and is the appropriate length. X

Entry is either late or not the appropriate length.

Entry is late and is not the appropriate length.

Engaged Writing Entry shows a very good command of Standard English and has some flair and a clear sense of originality.

Entry shows a good command of Standard English. No problems for your audience.

Entry demon- strates some evidence of correct spelling, grammar, punctuation, etc. Audience will have a little trouble reading your entry.

Entry uses incorrect grammar and syntax consistently, making it difficult for others to follow.

REMEMBER that this is an English assignment which means you will be graded not only on your content and insight but also your writing style and proper use of grammar, spelling, punctuation, capitals. This is the rubric that I will use to grade the task.

-Adapted from Kowgios/Popken, 2009

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(V)

*Stylistic/MechanicalElements of Writing *

Successful completion of any writing task requires students to do two things: (1) display an

understanding of the task, and (2) write a stylistic mechanically sound essay, paper, or journal/blog

entry. Students must use sophisticated sentence structure, powerful verbs, varied sentence

beginnings, and stylistic elements to convey their position on a particular topic.

Students Should:

Understand how to vary sentence structure to enhance meaning;

Select verbs that are powerful and avoid excessive use of linking verbs;

Pay particular attention to sentence beginnings since they often dictate the flow of the essay.

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Sentence Types

1.Simple (an independent clause -- for the sake of our discussion we will simplify and use the term simple sentence) - often the most powerful of sentences

2. Compound (two simple sentences joined by a coordinating conjunction)

(Use when joining similar or related structures or information…lists, descriptions)

3. Complex (two simple sentences joined by a subordinating conjunction)(Use when joining unequal structures: shows relationship of ideas)

4. Compound / Complex (three simple sentences joined by a C.C and a S.C.)

Subordinating Conjunction

after sincealthough so thatas thoughas if unlessas long as untilas though whenbecause wherebefore whethereven though whilehow if

Coordinating Conjunctions

and but nor for or so yet

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Simple Sentence

C.CSimple Sentence Simple Sentence

Simple Sentence S.C. Simple Sentence

Sentence BeginningsAdjective ClauseSubject + relative pronoun (that which who whom whose) at beginningSarah, who had lived in the Philippines, still had many friends there.

Participial PhrasesParticiple (verb+ing) and complements that modify subjectHiking in the Sierra Nevada, Paulo encountered a mountain lion.

Adverb ClauseBegin with a subordinating conjunction

after how till ( or 'til)although if unlessas inasmuch   untilas if in order that whenas long as lest wheneveras much as now that whereas soon as provided (that)   whereveras though since whilebecause so thatbefore thaneven if thateven though    though

After the judge announced her decision, …

Infinitive phraseBegin with Infinitive verbTo sing with a rock band is Jon’s dream.

Noun ClauseBegin with What That Who Whom Whatever Whoever WhomeverWhat I liked best about my trip to Mexico…That NS will win the game…

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The Comma3 The comma is used most often to separate elements within a sentence. Although the use of the comma is now undergoing transition, there is one basic rule that still applies: We use a comma when it helps to clarify the meaning of a sentence.

Six Situations Requiring the Use of Commas:

1. Commas are used to set apart elements at the beginning of a sentence that starts with a mild exclamation.

Oh, I didn’t hear you come in. Well, how do I look? My, what a pretty childl Now, where shall we begin?

2. In a compound sentence, commas are used to show where one main (independent) clause ends and the other begins. A coordinate conjunction (and, but, or, nor, for) is used after the comma.

Many people find snakes repulsive, but some people find them interesting.

3. A comma is used to separate a long adverbial clause which is placed at the beginning of a sentence.

After you have finished eating your dinner, you must go.

When such a clause is placed in the middle of a sentence and thus interrupts the flow of the thought, commas are used to separate it.

I will tell you, although I believe it to be unwise, whatever you wish to know.

In some cases, a comma may be used to separate an adverbial clause which is placed at the end of a sentence.

I will tell you, although I am reluctant to do so.

4. Commas are used to set apart lengthy participial phrases at the beginning of a sentence.

Pausing in the entranceway until all eyes were fixed upon him, he nodded imperiously and entered.

5. Commas are used to separate an introductory series of prepositional phrases from the remainder of a sentence.

3 Taken from Balish, Herbert, et al. Modern Handbook of English. New York: Oxford Book Company. 1969. 233-235.

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In an old tomato can burled in his backyard under a weeping willow, the miser kept his fortune. 6. If a clause or phrase preceding the main clause is a short one, it is not customary among modem

writers to set it apart with a comma.

When he arrived, I was still dressing. In 1964, he entered the State University. Fearing failure, he refused to take the examination.

There are cases, however, where a sentence with a short introductory element can be made more easily readable by using a comma. Note the following:

Ever since, we have been careful of fire.

You might interpret this as a subordinate clause introduced by the conjunction since. By adding a comma, we can make it clear that it is a complete sentence.

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EXERCISE I

Supply commas where needed in the following sentences.

1. Thank you I will have some more vegetables. 2. A little later we watched television. 3. No matter what you say or do I shall not listen to you again. 4. Well what did you expect from a ten-year-old? 5. On Route 66 about seven miles out of town as you go west you’ll find the

Wild West Pizza Palace. 6. Walking over to the hostess and bowing elegantly from the waist the

handsome young man murmured his thanks. 7. Yes I think I know exactly what you have in mind. 8. After we had finished the meal my aunt washed the dishes. 9. On every page of the books kept in class for composition work we read

comments by preceding generations of pupils. 10. In later years we laughed a good deal about that episode. 11. After a while the women gathered in the kitchen to wash the dishes. 12. Now what were you tying to persuade me to do? 13. Having gone over these problems four times already I’m convinced that

none of them has been done correctly. 14. In a house on a little-traveled highway in one of the older suburbs of the

city dwelt two old men who were hardly ever seen by anyone else. 15. Since you have done as much as you possibly could I think you should

receive credit for your perseverance.

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Source: Essay Edge.com http://www.erraticimpact.com/cyberedit/lf_transition.html

Lesson Four: Style and Tone

TransitionsApplicants often ignore transitions to their own detriment. A good essay must use transitions within paragraphs and especially between paragraphs to preserve the logical flow of the essay. An essay without good transitions is like a series of isolated islands; the reader will struggle to get from one point to the next. Use transitions as bridges between your ideas. As you move from one paragraph to the next, you should not have to explain your story in addition to telling it. If the transitions between paragraphs require explanation, your essay is either too large in scope or the flow is not logical. A good transition statement will straddle the line between the two paragraphs. You should not have to think too much about how to construct transition sentences. If the concepts in your outline follow and build on one another naturally, transitions will write themselves. To make sure that you are not forcing your transitions, try to refrain from using words such as, “however,” “nevertheless,” and “furthermore.” If you are having trouble transitioning between paragraphs or are trying to force a transition onto a paragraph that has already been written, then this may indicate a problem with your overall structure. If you suspect this to be the case, go back to your original outline and make sure that you have assigned only one point to each paragraph, and that each point naturally follows the preceding one and leads to a logical conclusion. The transition into the final paragraph is especially critical. If it is not clear how you arrived at this final idea, you have either shoe-horned a conclusion into the outline, or your outline lacks focus.If you are confident in your structure, but find yourself stuck on what might make a good transition, try repeating key words from the previous paragraph and progressing the idea. If that doesn’t work, try this list of common transitions as your last resort:

If you are adding additional facts or information:

as well, and, additionally, furthermore, also, too, in addition, another, besides, moreover

If you are trying to indicate the order of a sequence of events:

first of all, meanwhile, followed by, then, next, before, after, last, finally, one month later, one year later, etc.

If you are trying to list things in order of importance:

first, second etc., next, last, finally, more importantly, more significantly, above all, primarily

If you are trying to connect one idea to a fact or illustration:

for example, for instance, to illustrate, this can be seen

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To indicate an effect or result:

as a result, thus, consequently, eventually, therefore,

To indicate that one idea is the opposite of another:

nonetheless, however, yet, but, though, on the other hand, although, even though, in contrast, unlike, differing from, on the contrary, instead, whereas, nevertheless, despite, regardless of

When comparing one thing to another:

In a different sense, similarly, likewise, similar to, like, just as, conversely.

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A Good List of Transitions A useful way to help your reader follow the logical movement within a paragraph (or between

paragraphs, for that matter) is to use transitions to mark turns in the road, and pointers to remind him where he's going. Using transitions and pointers can help you keep a paragraph—and the

whole essay—organized and easy to follow. Here are common transitions and pointers:

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andthensoon the other handorbeforeand soagainst thisalsoafterconsequentlyat the same timefurthermorestilloftenneverthelessbecausesimilarlyfrequentlyin shortsincelikewisesometimesin the same wayforthoughat timesfinallyifanotherbutin other wordsindeedfor instanceyet

last of allin factfor examplehoweverfirst, second, etc.all in allthereforealthoughon the contrarynowthusdespite this

Avoiding the Dreaded “Said”In reading narratives, essays, or stories, the reader quickly becomes bored with “said.” Here are many more expressive ways to say SAID:

Synonyms for "Said"1

acknowledged demurred maintained responded

acquiesced denied mentioned restated

added denounced mimicked resumed

addressed described moaned retorted

admitted dictated mumbled returned

admonished directed murmured revealed

advised disclosed mused roared

advocated disrupted muttered ruled

affirmed divulged nagged sanctioned

agreed drawled narrated scoffed

alleged droned noted scolded

allowed elaborated notified screamed

announced emphasized objected shouted

answered enjoined observed shrieked

approved entreated opined snapped

argued enunciated orated sneered

asked estimated ordered sobbed

assented exclaimed petitioned solicited

asserted exposed pled spokeassumed expressed pointed out sputtered

attested faltered prayed stammered

avowed feared predicted stated

babbled foretold proclaimed stipulated

bantered fumed professed stormed

bargained giggled prompted stressed

began grinned propounded suggested

boasted grunted publicized taunted

called held quibbled thought

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claimed implied ranted threatened

commented indicated reassured told

complained inferred reciprocated twitted

confided instructed refuted urged

contradicted itemized related uttered

cried laughed remonstrated vowed

debated lectured repeated wailed

decided lied replied warned

Taken from Gallagher, Kelly. Motivation Mini-Lessons for Middle and High School. Stenhouse Publlishers. 2003.

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Writing Self/Peer-EvaluationN. Kowgios / D. Popken

Name on Paper: ____________________Name of Student Completing Form: ____________________

General Guidelines:Students should number the lines of their essays for later reference.Include enough information to cite examples in essay, but you do not need to copy

entire passage (a few words and the line number)

Sentence Beginnings:__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Sentence Structure:Strong Simple Sentences:

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Strong Simple Compound:__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Strong Simple Complex:__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Strong Simple Compound-Complex:__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Verb Use:__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Verbal:Participles:

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

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______________________________________________________________Infinitives:

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Gerunds:__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Other Strong Diction:__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Mechanics:__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Explanation of Author’s Purpose Through Essay’s Discussion of Literary Elements:__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Specific References to Text:__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Bridge Between Example / Lit. Element / Author’s Purpose:__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Depth of Understanding Revealed Through Broader Insights in Student Writing:__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

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Parallelism from Michael Harvey’s The Nuts and Bolts of College Writing (http://nutsandbolts.washcoll.edu/rhetoric.html)

Parallelism is one of the most useful and flexible rhetorical techniques. It refers to any structure which brings together parallel elements, be these nouns, adjectives, verbs, adverbs, or larger structures. Done well, parallelism imparts grace and power to passage:

The prince's strength is also his weakness; his self-reliance is also isolation.

In Machiavelli's world, Sheldon Wolin observes, moral ends have been replaced by ironies; answers have been replaced by questions.

The characters are all watching one another, forming theories about one another, listening, contriving . . . .

One side sees Lincoln as a bold and shrewd leader, sincerely committed to abolishing slavery; the other sees him as an opportunistic politician, concerned only to defend the union in any way possible.

Problems with faulty parallelism are very common, because many people know (or think they know) what they want to say, and don't scrutinize what they actually write. In the following examples the parallel elements in the revisions are emphasized:

ORIGINAL REVISION

Someone acquiring knowledge is similar to finding a new path in a dense forest.

Acquiring knowledge is similar to finding a new path in a dense forest.

Machiavelli advocates relying on one's own strength, leaving as little to chance as possible, and the need to get rid of sentimental attachments.

Machiavelli advocates relying on one's own strength, leaving as little to chance as possible, and ridding oneself of sentimental attachments.

Touchstone satirizes courtly manners, woos Audrey, and he tries to avoid marriage.

Touchstone satirizes courtly manners, woos Audrey, and tries to avoid marriage.

One frequent source of trouble is nested lists—when one sublist occurs within another list. The writer of this sentence lost track and thought the final comma signaled the last item in the main list:

Open faculty positions are advertised in all regional city and community newspapers, in national outlets such as the Higher Education Journal, the publications of the Hispanic American Association of Colleges and Universities, and the African American Association of Colleges and Universities.

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The trick is to recognize that this is actually a nested list and maintain parallelism within each list:

Open faculty positions are advertised in all regional city and community newspapers and in national outlets such as the Higher Education Journal and the publications of the Hispanic American Association of Colleges and Universities and the African American Association of Colleges and Universities.

The list is technically okay, but its complexity makes it a bit hard to read. One could rearrange the list to emphasize different elements and allow some pauses.

Open faculty positions are advertised in all regional city and community newspapers, in national outlets such as the Higher Education Journal, and in targeted outlets like the publications of the Hispanic American Association of Colleges and Universities and the African American Association of Colleges and Universities.

Note that among other changes the revision adds the word targeted, which makes it easier to get the list's logic. As ever, revision is equal parts rewriting and rethinking.

One other problem with parallelism is fairly common, though this is a stylistic rather than a grammatical lapse. Writers often repeat too much in the parallel elements, detracting from parallelism's economical elegance:

ORIGINAL REVISION

Socrates led a private life, as opposed to a public life.

Socrates led a private rather than a public life.

Parallelism can be employed in many different ways. One spin is inversion or chiasmus, in which parallel elements are carefully reversed for emphasis. A famous example comes from President John F. Kennedy's inaugural address (1961):

Ask not what your country can do for you—ask what you can do for your country.

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Inversion often gains power by focusing attention on the ends of sentences, where readers and listeners naturally pause. Kennedy's example shows this, as does the next example, from a 19th-century religious leader defending his honesty despite his change of religion:

I have changed in many things: in this I have not.

By putting the prepositional phrase in this at the beginning of the second clause, the speaker is able to end on that emphatic final not.

-From The Nuts and Bolts of College Writing

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