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slides for a hands-on collaborative learning workshop I've done about English writing and editing tips for an NGO focused on human rights
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English wri+ng and edi+ng +ps for sharing development stories
Facilitated by Cobi Smith, Australian Youth Ambassador for Development, Australian Volunteers for Interna+onal Development
New Media and Communica+ons Development, AIPP Research and Communica+ons Development Programme
Thursday 5 September 2013, at the AIPP Secretariat in Chiang Mai
Advice from six months of edi1ng AIPP documents*. Five ideas I hope you remember from today:
1. Give separate messages separate sentences.
2. Use direct and clear language.
3. Use ac1ve not passive voice. 4. ‘The right’ is singular. ‘Rights’ are plural.
5. Explain every acronym when you first use it.
*see also: William Strunk and E. B. White, The Elements of Style,
4th edi1on (New York: Allyn and Bacon, 2000)
1. Give separate messages separate sentences. Avoid long sentences. Example: There is no health facility in the community and the nearest hospital is about 11 kilometres away which has three Kui doctors. BeXer: There is no health facility in the community. The nearest hospital is about 11 kilometres away. Three Kui doctors work there.
2. Use direct and clear language. Avoid verbs as nouns. Note that ‘carry out’ and ‘undertake’ are indicators of this. Example: Carry out land tenure reform. BeXer: Reform land tenure.
2. Use direct and clear language. Keep it simple so it’s easy to understand. Avoid using more words than necessary. Example: Thus it is her role to propagate tradi1onal beliefs in order to maintain the unity and solidarity. BeXer: She propagates tradi1onal beliefs to maintain solidarity.
2. Use direct and clear language. Use less adjec+ves and adverbs. Example: Cambodia has ra1fied important interna1onal human rights trea1es that are directly related to indigenous women. These adjec1ves do not add to the sentence’s meaning.
3. Use ac+ve not passive voice. Passive: It is recommended that mobile phone recep1on is given to indigenous communi1es in Cambodia. 14 words Ac1ve: AIPP recommends that the Cambodian government gives indigenous communi1es mobile phone recep1on. 12 words Which one is a stronger call for change?
4. ‘The right’ is singular. ‘Rights’ are plural. Example: Indigenous women have the right to all levels and forms of educa1on. BeXer: Indigenous women have rights to all levels and forms of educa1on. Example: Every indigenous woman have rights to ci1zenship. BeXer: Every indigenous woman has the right to ci1zenship.
5. Explain every acronym when you first use it. Don’t assume people share your understanding of what the acronym means. Example: IP advocates face HR barriers to applying interna1onal law in Asian countries. Which meaning? Intellectual property (IP) advocates face human resources (HR) barriers to applying interna1onal law in Asian countries. Indigenous peoples’ (IP) advocates face human rights (HR) barriers to applying interna1onal law in Asian countries.
“Isn’t it?” used in speech is an indicator an Asian first language Correct: The cat is asleep, isn’t it? Example: We are wri1ng it together, isn’t it? BeXer: We are wri1ng it together, aren’t we? Example: They will get permission, isn’t it? BeXer: They will get permission, won’t they? Example: She can go, isn’t it? BeXer: She can go, can’t she?
(bonus idea) J
Advice from six months of edi1ng AIPP documents*. Five ideas I hope you remember from today:
1. Give separate messages separate sentences.
2. Use direct and clear language.
3. Use ac1ve not passive voice. 4. ‘The right’ is singular. ‘Rights’ are plural.
5. Explain every acronym when you first use it.
*see also: William Strunk and E. B. White, The Elements of Style,
4th edi1on (New York: Allyn and Bacon, 2000)