Five Father's Day Gifts forYourChildren

I'm 64. I've got grown kids and nearly grown grandkids. And if I could, I wouldchange some things. I'd give my kids more important Father's Day gifts, because itis always more fulfilling to give than to receive, and I would have given more.Especially on Father's Day. I'd make it memorable if I had to do it over again. I'dconcentrate on five gifts.

TIME:

Money, no problem we can always make more of it. But time, the pile of time alwaysdiminishes. Yeah, I spent time with the kids, but I could have spent more. I guess Ididn't realize how precious those few weekends were. Basically, it's about a nineyear precious period that father time is so precious. The kids only want to be withyou, do things with you and they're fun, to boot. During later teen years, they palwith their buds. It's over then. But at about five or six through thirteen orfourteen...WOW! Those are years that fathers can revel in! Only about seven years or370 Saturdays or so...Woosh...they're gone. I wish there had been more campingweekends. More fishing time. More time doing things that didn't really cost a plugnickel, but things that they and I now see as priceless.

DOING:

I admit it. I spent too much time with "em watching stuff. I wish that for every movieand game we saw together, I had built a model with the boys. They don't remembersquat about what we watched together. But they remember sailing our wooden boaton the lake, and the kites, and...well heck...they remember all the stuff we didtogether. Even hauling rocks and clearing land and shoveling horse droppings. Butthey don't remember much about movies and games. I'm kinda sorry we didn't makesome really bodacious kites.

VIRTUES:

How well did I model the virtues? I've been reading biographies of great men lately.Most say that their fathers were the most influential person in their lives. They extolthe virtues of their dads. They say that their dads were honest, upstanding, fair,caring, strong, trustworthy, and reverent. Where would I stand when my kids ratedme on those virtues? Virtues seem to wiggle into more importance as I grow older. Ilook back at the times I lost my temper, complained about the little stuff, andbecame low-grade demanding when it wasn't really necessary. I'm not real happyabout those times.

SHARING:

Did I share my dreams? Literally? Maybe not enough. Why the heck didn't I takethose kids to work more often? They would have had fun sitting in on some of myconsultations, and the staff would have loved to have had xem there. Dads probablyought to take a kid to work at least four times a year. And reminiscing. I could surehave done more of that. My wife has fond memories of Minnesota family tales thather dad spun. I recorded a lot of those stories, but did I tell enough? I think my kids

could have helped me more with those recordings. I could have involved "em more.Shared more.

ENCOURAGEMENT:

Winfield remembers when I marched when he practiced the baritone. Robinremembers when I was ecstatic about her art and riding. Kids need the "go for it"message. I was good at that. Encouragement isn't exhortation. It's not looking atwhat they could do better, but being enthusiastic about what they have done. Thenthey take care of the "doing it better" part. It's a little paradoxical. You ask the kidswith enthusiasm about what they're doing and how they did it, and they do more andbetter. But you tell 'em to do more and better, they tend to stop.

Time, Virtues, Doing, Sharing, Encouragement. Just five little cheap but pricelessgifts for Father's Day,

Good luck.

Dr. Cline is the cofounder of the Love and Logic Institute in Golden, Colo., and aprolific author. He co-authored with Jim Fay, several books, including Parenting withLove and Logic, Parenting Teens with Love and Logic, Grandparenting with Love andLogic and is the author of Uncontrollable Kids: From Heartbreak to Hope. For moreinformation about Love and Logic parenting and teaching techniques, call 1-800-LUV-LOGIC or visit www.loveandlogic.com.

Foster W, Cline, M.D.