To my wife Jenn, and my children, who have unceasingly demonstrated the reality of grace and

mercy in our relationship.

I love you Team Benham.

Foreword

The subject of forgiveness is vital to our daily health as well as our eternal destination. We need to grasp the fact that no matter what we have done or how often we may have done it The Lord provides forgiveness that is total and complete. At the same time it is essential that we learn to pass this same kind of forgiveness to one another. Too many people are carrying around heavy bags of bitterness and un forgiveness making life hard to navigate. Pilgrim Benham does a fabulous job of taking some of the deep concepts regarding grace and forgiveness and putting them into real life practical illustrations. The truths found in this book will certainly help you unlock the grace of God for your own life and those who you care about most. -Pastor Jim Gallagher

Intro

Let’s face the blunt truth: forgiveness isn’t a popular notion. I remember my first job: working at a golf driving range. This wasn’t a prestigious job like an actual golf course. I would have killed to be a caddy (except you’d never get me to wear those hats or socks). My dad got me the job and I was only 14. I showed up for work that Saturday morning donning a new set of khaki pants, with a white long-sleeved dress shirt and some new brown oxford shoes. I was dressed to the nines and didn’t even know what was coming.

When I clocked in for work that morning, a stern older man led me into a bunker near the driving range where a system of cleaning devices scooped the dirty golf balls out of a large basket and washed all of them to glorious perfection. The stern man turned out to be my coworker/supervisor and alerted me that the range had a steel-clad golf cart that was to be driven around the range which scooped the dirty golf balls into the basket. The basket was then to be driven back here to the bunker for the payload to be cleaned, and then the process would be repeated ad-nauseum for the next 8 hours. I couldn’t wait. I had the best job in town! I got to drive an armored golf cart while people were attempting to destroy a moving target, and then one pull from a lever and my shipment was cleaned. I asked the surly supervisor where the keys to the golf cart were and when he needed me to start picking up balls. He laughed incredulously. “Haha! Boy! Driving the cart is my job! And don’t think you can pull the old ‘ask for forgiveness, not permission’ on me. You aren’t allowed to drive the cart, ever. Your job is to push Bessie where this cart can’t go!” He motioned toward a six-foot long contraption that resembled an old-school push lawn mower of the rotary (and 1960’s) variety. The center wheel had

large spaces that captured golf balls when it was pushed over them and collected them in a small center space that could be removed and manually emptied on one end. This was Bessie? I asked him why Bessie was needed when the range had such an amazing golf cart. His response still haunts me: “Oh, this old cart doesn’t drive down in the mud. That’s where we use Bessie.” I had the worst job in town. I had to push an 80-pound manual metal vacuum cleaner around an open golf range with no protection. During open hours. In the mud. In my new khakis and oxfords. Needless to say I didn’t last too long as a friend to old Bessie. But the maintenance man’s words sat in my mind: “You can’t pull the old ‘ask for forgiveness, not permission’.” I had never heard of this concept but

then again, I was new to the workforce. It wasn’t long before I realized this was how many people operated. It isn’t that people don’t like to ask for permission. They just want to do things they know are wrong and if they are caught, they may own up, or they may not. But those odds are far better than having to hear a “no”. Truth is, I don’t hear many people even asking for forgiveness these days. It seems to be an “f” word that nobody has really heard of, at least in practice. I want to change that. I have written this book to challenge you towards your need for forgiveness. I want to encourage you to dive in and acknowledge your need to be forgiven, and to see who you may need to forgive. It will be more difficult than you’d ever expect, yet more wonderful than you can ever imagine. Take it from me: I have learned how to be forgiven. And I have learned to forgive. Even Bessie.