Friendship - St. Augustine

8/12/2019 Friendship - St. Augustine

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Friendship In St Augustine

St Augustine and his friends

At the far end of the great Basilica of St Peters, beyond the high altar and below the

stained glass window of the Holy Spirit, is the chair of St Peter. No doubt St Peter never

sat in it nor saw it but that is not really the point. There it is a sy!bol of the apostolic

church gifted with the authority given it by the "ord. #rouped round the chair are the

four huge and powerful statues of four of the great early doctors of the $hurch. %epicted

there are &ero!e, Basil, &ohn $hrysosto!, Basil and Augustine. Their presence there is

not !erely decorative, these four were !en whose thought, teaching and spirituality

shaped and for!ed the $hurch as it 'ourneyed ever !ore deeply into the !ystery of

$hrist and the co!!unity which he brought into being. (an)ing in influence only after

Paul and the early apostolic co!!unity, these teachers left an i!print which re!ains

clearly visible in the life of the $hurch today. They truly represent the great thin)ers who

uphold the living tradition sy!bolised in the chair of Peter.

*acing the group, the powerful, swirling figure on ones left is Augustine, holding so!e

of the sy!bols which identify hi! in our iconography. +henever a! in (o!e, always

go to spend so!e ti!e 'ust loo)ing at the statue and a! always i!pressed by it, even

awed by it. have, however, co!e to feel that it represents only part of the co!ple-

person Augustine was and is. The statue e-presses so!ething of the towering intellect,

the creative i!agination, the energetic teacher and preacher. Here, feel is one of the

giants of the $hristian story. And so he is. So stand in front of the statue and !arvel

not only at the physical sie but also at the intellectual and spiritual stature which is

represented. And yet always feel that so!ething is !issing. The statue spea)s of one

can ad!ire, but fro! afar it spea)s of one can respect, but fro! a very lowly position/ it

spea)s of one fro! who! can learn, but not as fro! an e0ual.

+hile a! i!pressed and gain so!ething fro! this dyna!ic portrait of Augustine, findthat a! !ore touched by the frescos of the life of Augustine which can be seen in San

#i!ignano. Here is a gentler and !ore approachable picture of Augustine which gives a

balance to the St Peters statue. 1ne of the pictures which stays in !ind is of Augustine

sitting, surrounded by his followers obviously in discussion over so!e passage in the

Scriptures. *or !e, this brings into focus an essential aspect of Augustine, an aspect of


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his personality and way of living which lies at the core of his spirituality and at the heart

of any authentic following of Augustinian spirituality, na!ely relationship and friendship.

1ne of the aspects of the character of Augustine which !a)es hi! such an appealing

person is the hu!anity which shines through in what he says and does. (eading the$onfessions or so!e of the letters, it beco!es very obvious that Augustine was a

person with a passionate nature, a nature which is nurtured by relationships and

friendships. (arely do we get a picture of Augustine in isolation. t is true that there is

the inner Augustine who strives alone, who prays alone, who, as all of us !ust

ulti!ately do, faces #od alone. Augustine appreciated that #od alone can fulfil the

longings of the hu!an heart. Augustine, however, found that that inner 'ourney and

inner searching could be initiated, pro!pted and supported by the co!pany of friends.

His war!, affectionate and passionate nature needed hu!an co!panionship and love

but, after his conversion, he began to understand the deeper significance and purpose

of these friendships.

*ro! the outset of his life Augustine is always to be found in the co!pany of others.

The early parts of the $onfessions refer fre0uently to his need to be with others, it was

part of his nature and, loo)ing bac) on this period, Augustine was able to be realistic

about its dangers but also about its graces/

2et, "ord, should have owed than)s to 2ou, !y #od and the !ost e-cellent $reator

and (uler of the 3niverse, even if it had been 2our will that should not live beyond

boyhood. *or even then was4 lived4 felt/ even so early had an instinct for the care

of !y own being, a trace in !e of that !ost profound 3nity whence !y being was

derived4 in !y interior sense )ept guard over the integrity of !y outward sense

perception, and in !y s!all thoughts upon s!all !atters had co!e to delight in the

truth. hated to be wrong, had a vigorous !e!ory, was well trained in speech,

delighted in friendship, shunned pain, !eanness and ignorance. n so s!all a creature

was not all this ad!irable and reason for praise5

$onf 6/76

The grace of his nature, however, was also the source of his sin. His desire and need

for friendships brought out in Augustine that all too fre0uent desire in young !ales to be

8one of the lads9. He records that he stole food and drin) fro! his parents, disobeyed

and lied to spend ti!e with his friends, cheated at ga!es, s0uabbled with his


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co!panions and allowed hi!self to be drawn in to actions and behaviour which he

)new to be wrong. The fa!ous incident of the fruit stealing su!s it up/

There was a pear tree near our vineyard, heavy with fruit, but fruit that was not

particularly te!pting either to loo) at or to taste. A group of young blac)guards, and a!ong the!, went out to )noc) down the pears and carry the! off late one night, for it

was our bad habit to carry on our ga!es in the street till very late. +e carried off an

i!!ense load of pears, not to eat : for we barely tasted the! before throwing the! to

the hogs. 1ur only pleasure in doing it was that it was forbidden . . . Now : as thin)

bac) on the state of !ind then : a! altogether certain that would not have done it

alone. Perhaps then what really loved was the co!panionship of those with who!

did it. . . Since the pleasure got was not in the pears, it !ust have been in the cri!e

itself, and put there by the co!panionship of others sinning with !e. . .+e laughed

together as if our hearts were tic)led to be playing a tric) upon the owners, who had no

notion what we were doing and would have strongly ob'ected.

$onf. ;/


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$onf ;/=

+hat a conte!porary ring that has How !any of us who are parents or teachers have

witnessed that sa!e thing in young people : we wont e-plore how !any can identify

through personal e-perience

As Augustine grew, the shallowness of these childhood and early adolescent

relationships beca!e !ore and !ore apparent to hi!. This type of 8unfriendly

friendship9 had not brought hi! the peace for which he longed. Augustine e-perienced a

great hunger of the heart, he writes 8*or within !e was a fa!ine9. His friendships began

to change and he searched for friends a!ong those with who! he could find so!e

peace of heart.

A!ong the friends he !ade in early adulthood, none was !ore dear to hi! than onewith a young !an whose na!e he does not give us. 1f this friendship, Augustine says

that it was 8sweeter than all the sweetness of !y life.9

%uring the period in which first began to teach in the town of !y birth, had found a

very dear friend, who was pursuing si!ilar studies. He was about !y age, and was now

co!ing, as was, to the floweringti!e of young !anhood. He had indeed grown up

with !e as a child and we had gone to school together and played together. Neither in

those earlier days nor indeed in the later ti!e of which now spea) was he a friend in

the truest !eaning of friendship . . . with !e he went astray in error, and !y soul couldnot be without hi!.

$on./=

+hen this friend beca!e gravely ill, he was reconciled to the $hurch and was baptised.

Augustine ridiculed his friend but his friend rebuffed hi!/

He loo)ed at !e as if had been his deadly ene!y, and in a burst of independence

which startled !e warned !e that if wished to continue his friend !ust cease that

)ind of tal)

$onf /66

Augustine )ept his silence but planned to resu!e the debate when his friend recovered.

n the event the friend died shortly after. His death threw Augustine into deep and

overwhel!ing grief.


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At this sorrow !y heart was utterly dar)ened, and whatever loo)ed on was

death.. .>y eyes sought hi! every where. .. and hated all places because he was not

in the!.

$onf /

!arvelled that he should be dead and his other self living still. (ightly has a friend

been called 8the half of !y soul9.

$onf /66

Still wrapped in the pain of his loss, Augustine returned to $arthage. "ater in life

Augustine wrote in one of his letters/

+henever a person is without a friend, not a single thing in the world appears friendly to

hi!

"etter 67C

n $arthage, Augustine again drew friends around hi!, recording this ti!e he says/

The co!fort found in other friends : and the pleasure had with the! in things of

earth : did !uch to repair and re!a)e !e . . . All )inds of things re'oiced !y soul in

their co!pany : to tal) and laugh, and to do other )indness4 to read pleasant boo)s

together4 to pass fro! lightest 'esting to tal) of deepest things and bac) again4 to differ

without rancour, as a person !ight differ with the!selves, and when !ost rarely

dissensions arose, to find our nor!al agree!ent all the sweeter for it 4 to teach each

other and to learn fro! each other.

These and such things )indled a fla!e that fused our very souls together and !ade us

one out of !any.

$onf /D

Perhaps it was in this e-perience that Augustine began to understand and value

friendship even !ore deeply. Even though in his old age, when he reread what he had

written in the $onfessions, he was very selfcritical of the power of his e!otion, this

friendship was very for!ative in his understanding of friends. n his grief he was


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co!forted by his friends and later he wrote/

+hen we are weighed down by poverty, and grief !a)es us sad4 when bodily pain

!a)es us restless and e-ile despondent, or when any other grievance afflicts us, if

there be good people at hand who understand the art of re'oicing with the 'oyful andweeping with the sorrowful, who )now how to spea) a cheerful word and uplift us with

their conversation, then bitterness is for the !ost part !itigated, worries are alleviated,

and our troubles are overco!e.

"etter 67C

A!ong the friends he !ade in this period, two are particularly significant. Nebridius and

Alypius. Nebridius was Augustines co!panion of the !ind. The two had !any

si!ilarities. 1ne writer says of their friendship/

There were !any si!ilarities which drew the! together and !ade possible easy

co!!unication of thought and feeling/ both possessed unusual gifts of intelligence,

shared a 0uest for truth, were of delicate health and apt to e-haust the!selves in study,

were loveable and loving by nature.

>cNa!ara PF=

Nebridius went to taly to be with Augustine. There he began to 0uestion aspects of the

>anichean beliefs and the astrology which had captured Augustine and the group of

friends. His intellect gave hi! the power to challenge Augustine and helped to prepare

hi! for the !o!ent of grace in which Augustine was to turn to $hrist. At so!e point

Nebridius returned to Africa. There is so!e correspondence between the two. t is filled

with affection and fa!iliarity. Both felt the separation )eenly. Even though Nebridius

wished to 'oin Augustine after his return to Africa, this was not to be.

+hen Nebridius died he lost a friend who was al!ost if not entirely his intellectual

e0ual. The pain of loss was now entirely different fro! that which he e-perienced when

the unna!ed friend died.

Blessed is the !an who loves you, C #od, and his friend in you, and his ene!y for

you. *or he loses no one who is dear to hi!, if all are dear in #od who is never lost.

$onf. /6


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And with great tenderness, Augustine writes/

And now he lives in Abraha!s boso!. +hatever is !eant by that boso!, there !y

Nebridius lives, !y !ost beloved friend.

$orif


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occurred and, sharing this with hi!, was for Alypius also the !o!ent of conversion.

+hat could weld two people !ore closely together5 Now the two truly shared the unity

of friendship which Augustine was later to state very clearly/

*riendship has been rightly and with 'ust reverence defined as 8agree!ent on thingshu!an and divine co!bined with good will and love.9

$ontra Acad ll 67

After the !o!entous event in >ilan, Augustine retired to $assicaicu!. >any !ight

have gone into solitary retreat but this was not in Augustines nature. He went there with

fa!ily and friends. Here the !i-ture of co!!unity, prayer and study was established.

+e get hints of life at this ti!e fro! the $onfessions and fro! the dialogues which were

recorded. t is fascinating to see in the dialogues how the interchange !oved fro! hightheology and philosophy to prayer and to laughter. t is beautiful to read of the 'oyous

har!ony which e-isted. 1ne of the insights which a!uses !e !ost is when at one point

in the %ialogue on the Happy "ife Augustine notes 8at this point even !other s!iled9 :

it see!s to !e to tell us so !uch about >onica Augustine, his son Adeodatus and

Alypius were baptised on Easter Sunday 7D=. *ro! there they returned to Africa and for

three years lived in a co!!unity of fraternal charity prayer and study. Prior to baptis!

and after Alypius is fre0uently figured in the dialogues which have co!e down to us.

Always he is presented as a close, ad!ired and !uch loved friend. n one of his letters,

Augustine wrote/

n body only, and not in !ind, we are two, so great is the union of hearts, so fir! the

inti!ate friendship subsisting between us.

"etter ;D

The inti!acy of the few years following his conversion could not continue in the sa!e

way after his ordination first as priest and then as bishop. The circle had to widen if

Augustine was to fulfil his pastoral responsibilities. There always re!ained those whowere dear to hi! and they were a support to hi! when he felt weighed down by the

duties which were now his. +riting to &ero!e, he says/

confess that readily throw !yself entirely upon the charity of !y friends, especially

when a! wearied with the scandals of the world, and can rest in that without an-iety.

ndeed feel that #od is there, and cast !yself on Hi! and rest in Hi! without care. n


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that carefree state do not in the least fear the uncertain to!orrow of hu!an frailty . .

+henever feel a person burning with $hristian charity and love for !e has beco!e !y

friend, when entrust any of !y plans and thoughts to hi!, a! entrusting the! not to a

!an, but to Hi! in who! he abides, so as to be li)e Hi!, for #od is love, and the one

who lives in love lives in #od.9

"etter=7

Then in his old age when he was burdened not only with the care of his people in Hippo

but also with the theological disputes which were raging while the society in which he

had lived was falling apart, he wrote in The $ity of #od/

s not the unfeigned confidence and !utual love of good and true friends our one

solace in hu!an society5

%e $iv %ei 6


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!isunderstanding piled on !isunderstanding. &ero!e wrote to Augustine/

*riendship should be free of all suspicion and one should spea) to a friend as

another self. So!e of !y inti!ates, servants of $hrist, of who! there are !any at

&erusale! and in the holy places, have been suggesting that your conduct was notsingle !inded, but that your !otive was a desire of praise and s!all renown and

cheap popularity/ that you wished to gain credit at !y e-pense . . . a! so not silly as

to thin) !yself in'ured if you have views different fro! !ine. But, if you attac) !y

writings . . and 0uestion the authority of the writer . . . then by that conduct friendship

is in'ured and the bonds of inti!acy bro)en . . 2ou are harassing an old !an4 you are

goading a silent one to speech4 you see! to !a)e a show of your learning. . . write

this that we !ay not see! to be engaging in a childish contest, and !ay not give

grounds of contention to our !utual supporters or detractors, because wish to love you

with a pure, $hristian love, and would not )eep in !y heart anything that differs fro!

!y words.

Augustine wrote to &ero!e/

f cannot !ention what see!s to !e faulty in your writing, nor you in !ine, without

suspicion of 'ealousy or in'ury to our friendship, then let us drop this for the sa)e of our

lives and salvation.

"etter =7

He wrote again trying to pacify &ero!e. n this letter he also tiled to plead for

understanding between &ero!e and (ufinus after a 0uarrel between the two of the!.

Augustine, so concerned that he !ight not be handling the situation, even went to the

e-tent of as)ing a fellow bishop to review his letters to &ero!e in case there !ight be

anything to offend. %espite this care, &ero!e too) offence. His reply is energetically

waspish/

have received three letters . . containing what you call in0uiries, but which consider criticis!s of !y wor) . . . pass over the greetings and co!pli!ents with

which you anoint !y head4 say nothing of the flattery with which you try to !a)e up

to !e for your reproof of !e. . . %o not go on thin)ing that a! a !aster of lies . . and

do not stir up against !e a !ob of ignorant people, who respect you as a bishop and

receive you with priestly honour when you preach in the church, but who have little use

for a !an li)e !e, old and al!ost feeble and living an obscure life in a country


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!onastery. n other words, find yourself so!e other people to teach or criticise.

Augustine replied/

hope that there !ay reign between us not only the love, but even the freedo! of

friendship, and, if we ob'ect to anything in each others letters, you !ust not fail to

criticise !ine as shall do yours, but of course it !ust be with such dispositions as do

not displease the eyes of #od in the love of brothers.

"etter D;

t was ten years before they corresponded again which indicates that Augustines efforts

to regain and retain the friendship of &ero!e had been successful. Perhaps their

friendship was not that of true friends as Augustine would wish but nonetheless there

was friendship to a degree. +hat is !ost significant was the desire of Augustine to

cherish his friendships and his belief that these could only e-ist if there was openness

and honesty and even correction in the relationship. Such is necessary for the de!ands

of love/

"ove and do what you will4 if you hold your peace, of love hold your peace4 if you cry

out, of love cry out4 if you correct, of love correct4 if you spare, spare through love4 let

the root of love be within4 fro! this root nothing can spring but what is good.

ln Ep &o I/D

+hile Augustine gained friendship, he also lost friends4 such brea)downs in

relationships always caused Augustine i!!ense pain. A!ong those whose friendship

was lost was &ulian of Eclanu!. &ulian was the son of Bishop >e!orius, one of

Augustines closest friends. &ulian was a young !an of great pro!ise and, at a young

age, was consecrated bishop of Edanu! by Pope nnocent . Augustine had high hopes

of the young bishop but &ulian too) up the cause of Pelagius and e!bar)ed on a

ruthless attac) on Augustine. Ti!e and again Augustine reached out to &ulian. n one

letter he wrote/

>y dear son, &ulian, hope, with the help of the "ord. . . to !a)e you understand, if

that be possible, how unfortunate it is for you to believe what you see) to convince

others of. J. have not forgotten your father, >e!orius, of blessed !e!ory, with who!

was united by a close friendship through letters. t was he who inspired !e with a


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tenderness for you...

As for !e, in virtue of the tenderness have for you and which, with the grace of #od,

no insult will ever tear fro! !y heart, wish ardently, &ulian, !y dearest son, that by a

better and stronger youth, you will triu!ph over yourself.

$ontra &ull 6/;

t is only when &ulian attac)s >onica that Augustine was !oved to anger/

2our passion for evil speech has led you to insult even !y !other who has hurt

you in no way . . . But is it surprising that you cannot tolerate her5 2ou cannot even

support the grace of #od, that grace which has liberated !y !other fro! this

wea)ness of her youth. )new your parents4 they were both honest $atholic $hristians,

and a! happy that they died before seeing you beco!e a heretic

t is interesting to note that Augustine had to correspond and relate to a nu!ber of

opponents. +hile he disagreed strongly with their theology, he always spo)e and wrote

with love and concern for the persons involved.

As the end of his life approached it is perhaps surprising that Augustine as)ed to be left

alone. As he prepared to face the Beauty for which he longed he wanted to be left

undisturbed. Throughout his life he had surrounded hi!self with friends, delighting in

their co!pany, discovering #od with the! and in the!. But within Augustine there was

always that recognition of the iso"ation which is the final condition of every !an and

wo!an. The 'ourney with friends leads eventually to a place where the other cannot go.

Augustine )new this and recorded it in the $onfessions/

But as to what now a! while a! writing !y $onfessions, there are !any who

desire to )now : both people who )now !e personally, and people who do not, but

they have heard so!ething fro! !e or about !e. 2et they have not their ear at !y

heart, where a! what a!. They wish, therefore, to hear fro! !y own confession

what a! inwardly, where they cannot pierce with eye or ear or !ind. They desire to

)now and are prepared to believe, but will they )now5

$onf 6C/

n another place he writes/


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Each heart !ust re!ain closed to anothers heart.

This is not a pessi!is! but a realistic appreciation of the uni0ueness and individuality of

each person. %espite the ulti!ate aloneness of the hu!an person, Augustine was

strengthened, consoled and enriched by his friendships throughout his life and he inturn gave his love to others both in friendship and fraternal charity. These friendships

sustained hi!, drew hi! towards #od but in the end he )new/

2ou have !ade us for yourself, C "ord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in

you.

$onf 6/6

St Augustines Concept of Friendship

Having loo)ed at so!e of the friendships which were so !uch part of Augustines life,

what conclusions can we begin to draw about what this all !eant for hi!5 +hat is the

purpose of friendship5 +hat are the duties of friendship5 +hat are its li!itations5

To begin, fro! where does Augustine draw his thin)ing about friendship5 t would see!

that the desire and need for friendship was si!ply part of Augustines nature. He was,

by nature, a passionate !an. His i!!ense intellectual capacity did not !ean that hewas cut off fro! the affective side of his nature. 1ne writer says of Augustine/

t can truly be said that Augustine was passionate, that he was even too passionate.

His, however, was no si!ple passion. 1ne !ust not suppose that it e-pended itself

fully on lust and anger or other violent e!otions and e-periences. 1f this )ind of

passion he doubtless had his share. Nevertheless, his passion was on the whole less

violent, but !ore sustained4 less disturbing but !ore insistent4 less an appetite of the

senses, but !ore a hunger of the heart.

1>eara The 2oung Augustine

t can also be said of Augustine that alongside his intellectual genius, he had a genius

for friendship. This natural genius was fostered by his reading of the wor) of $icero on

friendship, this wor) echoed his own thin)ing and desires. The basic tenets of $iceros

e-position are/


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*irstly, friendship is an accord of wills, tastes and thoughts. t is an har!onious

agree!ent in all things, divine and hu!an and is acco!panied by !utual good will and

affection.

Secondly, true friendship is li!ited to the good. t is founded on virtue and presupposesit. The !ore virtuous the person, the !ore capable the person is of friendship.

Thirdly, love is the cause of friendship.

*ourthly, *riends !ust be truthful with one another, they correct each other. Suspicion

has no place in friendship. 1ne never as)s a friend to do anything which is wrong.

*riendship !ust be entered into slowly and should a friend have incorrigible vices,

the friendship !ust be renounced.

Throughout his writings it is possible to see the thin)ing of $icero shining through what

Augustine says and not a few ti!es he 0uotes directly fro! the writings of $icero. But,

after his conversion and particularly after he has studied and reflected on the writings of

St &ohn, Augustine goes beyond the thin)ing of $icero and brings to his theories

aspects which are specifically $hristian.

*irstly, Augustine sees friendship as a grace. *riendship co!es fro! #od, #od is the

author and giver of friendship. Augustine says/

There is no true friendship unless 2ou weld it between souls that cleave together by

the charity poured forth in our hearts by the Holy Spirit

$onf /6C

f you love your brother ?or sister@ who! you see, by that very fact you will also see

#od, because you will see charity itself and #od dwells in the interior.

n ep &o 6=/D

Secondly, Augustine understands that friendship springs fro! the love of #od

e-pressed to us in $hrist and, therefore can only be !ade secure in $hrist/

2ou did not loo) down on being the friend of the hu!ble and returning the love that

was shown to you. *or what else is friendship but this5 t gets its na!e fro! love alone,

is faithful only in $hrist, and in hi! alone can it be eternal and happy.


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$on Pel 6/6

n the $onfessions he writes/

f souls please you, then love the! in #od because they are !utable in the!selves

but in hi! fir!ly established4 without hi! they would pass and perish.

$onf /6D

Thirdly, Augustine understands that $hristian friendship is transfigured by grace. +hile

the pagan ideal de!anded that friends should wish for each other the highest !oral

good and natural virtue, $hristian friends not only wish but also pray for supernatural

virtue, spiritual healing and eternal life/

"ove your friends in hi!, and draw as ,!any souls with you to hi! as you can, sayingto the!/ 8Hi! let us love9

$onf /6D

Knowing the li!its of hu!an power and resource in the face of hu!an pain, Augustine

says/

>y words cannot help the!4 but by praying for the! perhaps will do the! so!e

good.

En in Ps /D

*ourthly, Augustine understands that friendship will only attain its perfection in heaven,

there he says/

+e shall offer praise, we shall all be one in $hrist, directed toward the one #od.

En in Ps 6=/;D

Augustine also give a greater e!phasis to so!e points which are included in $iceros

thought. Augustine e!phasises that affection for a friend is always acco!panied by

solicitude. n the $ity of #od he writes/

The !ore nu!erous are our friends and the !ore scattered the places they live, the

!ore our fears grow and !ultiply at the thought that they !ay have to undergo so!e of


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the evils that are so !uch part of this life.

$iv %ei 6


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Not that the creature ought not to be loved, but if that love is referred to the $reator

then it will not be desire but love. *or it is desire when the creature is loved for itself.

And then it does not help a !an through !a)ing use of it but corrupts hi! in the

en'oying of it.. *or as you ought to en'oy yourself not in yourself but in Hi! who !ade

you, so also hi! who! you love as yourself. "et us en'oy there, both ourselves and our

brethren in the "ord.

%e Trinitate


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+henever feel a person burning with $hristian charity and love for !e has beco!e

!y friend, when entrust any of !y plans and thoughts to hi!, a! entrusting the! not

to a !an, but to Hi! in who! he abides, so as to be li)e Hi!, Lfor #od is love, and the

one who lives in love lives in #od.9

"etter =7

Augustine !any ti!es spo)e of the need for truth and fran)ness in friendships, without

these no friendship could be real. *riendship is not si!ply a hu!an pleasure, it is a way

in which friends 'ourney together towards the perfection of #od. Therefore it is essential

for a true friend not only to want and pray for the !oral and spiritual welfare of the other

but also to ta)e active steps to help the friend to grow in virtue. "oving correction is,

therefore, essential in true friendship/

No one can be truly a friend to another if he is not first of all a friend of the truth.

+hen spea) up for your own good, will be all the !ore fran) with you the !ore a!

your friend, because will be all the !ore a friend the !ore a! faithful to you.

"etter 6

>ore than that, the hu!ble acceptance of correction is also a !ar) of true friendship/

shall !ost gratefully receive a rebu)e offered in such a friendly way.. f receive your

correction cal!ly as a !edicine, shall not be pained by it.. . And even though because

of a natural or personal wea)ness cannot help feeling saddened. . . it is better to put

up with the pain while the abscess on the heads is being healed, rather than not be

cured so as to avoid the pain.

"etter =7

Augustine understood that if there was not this truth and honesty in a friendship then the

basis of the friendship is flawed and no real friendship e-ists/

ta)e no pleasure in being thought by !y dearest friends to be such as a! not

1bviously they do not love !e, but another in !y na!e, if they love, not what a!, but

what a! not.

"etter 67


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Augustine, therefore, conde!ned flattery. To flatter is to betray. He goes as far as

saying that ene!ies are preferable to flatterers/

So!eone hates his ene!y and pretends friendship for hi!4 he sees hi! do

so!ething evil and praises hi!4 he wants hi! to rush into the dangerous ways of hispassions fro! which he will perhaps not return . . . Another sees his friend do so!ething

si!ilar and calls hi! bac)4 if his friend does not hear hi! he will chastise and rebu)e

hi!. So!eti!es it co!es to this, that we !ust 0uarrel with a friend.

n Ep &o 6C/=

Not everyone who spares is a friend, nor is everyone who stri)es an ene!y. 8Better are

the wounds of a friend than the proffered )isses of an ene!y. ?Pr ;=/F@ "ove !ingled

with severity is better than deceit with indulgence.

"etter


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ability to do this co!es as a grace and fro! the e-a!ple of the "ord/

Nothing could !a)e us willingly ta)e up such a !ighty tas) as carrying the burdens of

others, e-cept it be the consideration of how !uch the "ord has suffered for us.

%e div 0uaes D7

1ne of the aspects of friendship in which Augustine differs fro! the classical concept is

in the range of friendships. $icero would ta)e the view that friendship was confined to a

s!all group and certainly, in his younger days, Augustine would have ta)en a si!ilar

line. His conversion and his later responsibilities in the co!!unity at Hippo and as

bishop gradually changed his view. t is probable that he considered a s!all group of

friends as his inti!ates but he began to develop a !uch broader concept. Though his

instinct was for close, inti!ate friends, he ca!e to understand that fa!ilial charity had a

greater dai! than the 'oy and blessings of his earlier friendships.

*riendship !ust not be circu!scribed by narrow li!its. t e!braces all those to who!

affection and love are due, even though it goes out !ore readily to so!e and turns

!ore hesitantly towards others. *riendship even e-tends to our ene!ies, for who! we

are also obliged to pray. Therefore, there is no one in the hu!an race to who! love is

not owed, if not by reason of !utual affection, at least because we share a co!!on

hu!an nature. 1n the other hand, it is only right that those especially delight us, by

who! we are !utually loved in a holy and chaste way.

"etter 67C

This gift of love offered to all is in order that they !ay be drawn to #od/

1btain fro! #od the gift to love one another. "ove all !en, even your ene!ies, not

because they are your brothers, but that they !ay be your brothers4 that you !ay at all

ti!es be on fire with brotherly love, either toward hi! who has beco!e your brother, or

toward your ene!y, that, by being loved, he !ay be your brother. +henever you love a

brother you love a friend. Now he is with you, now he is )nit with you in unity. . f a !anis not yet your brother, love hi! to this end, that he !ay be your brother. n this way, all

your love is brotherly love, toward $hristians, towards all His !e!bers.

n Ep &o 6C/=

n reaching out to !a)e friends by drawing others to $hrist, we di!inish evil and build


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up co!!unity/

*or if your ene!y died, you lost an ene!y but you did not find a friend. f however his

wic)edness died, then you lost an ene!y and gained a friend.

Ser!on F6

Here we see that longing which so !ar)ed the life of Augustine, his longing for unity and

har!ony. He believed this so deeply that he wondered if the refusal of the unity which

$hrist ca!e to establish was the sin against the Holy Spirit/

And perhaps this is the sin against the Holy Spirit/ through !alice and hatred to

attac) fraternal charity after having received the grace of the Holy Spirit, which sin the

"ord says will be forgiven neither here nor hereafter.

Ser!on ;7

Preparing these two papers has been a challenge but also a 'oy. have )nown of

Augustine since was child and over the years been drawn to hi!. t is only latterly,

however, that feel that have !oved fro! )nowing of hi! to the beginnings of what

hope is )nowing hi!. +hat have found5 have certainly found the aweso!e intellect

and the powerful energy depicted in the statue in St Peters. n this brief survey of the

co!ple-ity of Augustines thought on friendship have found a !an who over the

centuries still spea)s with power in our own day when friendships and relationships are

all too transitoiy and superficial. find a !an who spea)s to the church of our need to

build genuine co!!unity based on fa!ilial love and friendship where all are valued and

respected. find a bishop who is aware of the presence of #od in his people and

respects that #od within the!.

>ost i!portantly for !e, however, have found a !an with a passion, a genius for love,

a touching vulnerability. have found so!eone who is a spiritual father, a loved brother

and, please #od, a good friend.

n all the words and ideas perhaps it can be su!!ed up in that wonderful line fro! the

(ule, a great synthesis of what Augustine believes/

>y dear brothers and sisters, let us be of one !ind and one heart on the way to #od.

(ule 6/;


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N#E" BAG%#E

Documents

Friendship - St. Augustine