Grieving/Grieving/DeathDeath

““It's only when we truly It's only when we truly know and understand that know and understand that we have a limited time on we have a limited time on earth -- and that we have earth -- and that we have no way of knowing when no way of knowing when our time is up, we will our time is up, we will

then begin to live each day then begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was to the fullest, as if it was

the only one we had.the only one we had. “ “

Elizabeth Kubler RossElizabeth Kubler Ross

1926-20041926-2004 A volunteer after WWII in concentration A volunteer after WWII in concentration

camps specifically Maijdanek where she camps specifically Maijdanek where she discovered the “butterflies”discovered the “butterflies”

Symbolized a transition between life and Symbolized a transition between life and deathdeath

Wrote Wrote Death and DyingDeath and Dying published in 1969 published in 1969 May be required reading for many who May be required reading for many who

work in medical, nursing or psychology work in medical, nursing or psychology programs.programs.

Dignity and RespectDignity and Respect

She challenged the She challenged the medical profession medical profession to change their view to change their view towards death and towards death and treat the dying with treat the dying with dignity and respect.dignity and respect.

She helped She helped introduce concepts introduce concepts such as living wills, such as living wills, hospice care and hospice care and home health care. home health care.

CriticismsCriticisms

Everyone is a unique individual Everyone is a unique individual therefore therefore

reactions will be different for every reactions will be different for every person.person.

Stages or steps may in different order Stages or steps may in different order for some people.for some people.

Feelings may be ignored with the Feelings may be ignored with the assumption assumption

“ “it is just a stage”. it is just a stage”.

The 5 stages of The 5 stages of Death/GriefDeath/Grief

DenialDenial Temporary reaction to knowing that one faces death.Temporary reaction to knowing that one faces death.

AngerAnger Resentment and/or envy over impending death.Resentment and/or envy over impending death.

BargainingBargaining A defense mechanism for the purpose of postponing A defense mechanism for the purpose of postponing

one’s imminent death.one’s imminent death. DepressionDepression

A sadness and gloom take over as the patient’s dying A sadness and gloom take over as the patient’s dying has to be reckoned with.has to be reckoned with.

AcceptanceAcceptance The patient reaches acceptance of his/her imminent The patient reaches acceptance of his/her imminent

death after going through the other stages.death after going through the other stages.

Reactions to DeathReactions to Death

Physical ReactionsPhysical Reactions Numbness, unfeeling, pain, tightness in Numbness, unfeeling, pain, tightness in

throat, disinterest in eating, can’t sleepthroat, disinterest in eating, can’t sleep

Emotional ReactionsEmotional Reactions Stabbing pain, sudden anger, sense of Stabbing pain, sudden anger, sense of

unfairness, feeling of relief, guilt, unfairness, feeling of relief, guilt, gladness, anger, hostility, fear, anxietygladness, anger, hostility, fear, anxiety

Mourning ProcessMourning Process

1.1. ShockShock• One may deny that the death has One may deny that the death has

occurred, collapse physically, violent occurred, collapse physically, violent emotional outbursts, or withdraw.emotional outbursts, or withdraw.

2.2. Intense Pain and Feelings of LossIntense Pain and Feelings of Loss• Two or three months after the death the Two or three months after the death the

bereaved person may withdraw from the bereaved person may withdraw from the world.world.

3.3. ResolutionResolution• One starts living a regular life again. One starts living a regular life again.

Memories of the deceased bring joy and Memories of the deceased bring joy and pleasure rather than the pain of grief.pleasure rather than the pain of grief.

Grief and BereavementGrief and Bereavement

Grief is a natural process to death and Grief is a natural process to death and dying. dying. 

It is a necessary response to helping heal It is a necessary response to helping heal from the overwhelming sense of loss when a from the overwhelming sense of loss when a loved one dies.loved one dies.

It is important to understand grief as part of It is important to understand grief as part of the human experience.  If you are grieving, the human experience.  If you are grieving, some things you can do to help yourself some things you can do to help yourself include:include:

Allow emotionsAllow emotions Seek comforting rituals Seek comforting rituals For some, seeking For some, seeking

solace in the faith solace in the faith community community

Reading and learning Reading and learning about death-related about death-related grief responses grief responses

Get enough restGet enough rest JournalingJournaling Exercise and eat wellExercise and eat well Talking to someoneTalking to someone

My LifeMy Life 3 – FF to picture of camera. End 3 – FF to picture of camera. End

when he says, “well this is me.”when he says, “well this is me.” 6 – Dr. explaining he won’t live long. 6 – Dr. explaining he won’t live long.

End when Dr. says, “Don’t make it End when Dr. says, “Don’t make it any more painful than it has to be.”any more painful than it has to be.”

21 – End when Gale says, “Oh, 21 – End when Gale says, “Oh, Mom.”Mom.”

24 – End when scene is over, “We all 24 – End when scene is over, “We all are” said by Father.are” said by Father.

26 – End at end of roller coaster 26 – End at end of roller coaster ride, seeing light.ride, seeing light.

Step MomStep Mom

16 – Kids told of mother’s cancer. 16 – Kids told of mother’s cancer. End when Anna runs upstairs.End when Anna runs upstairs.

27 – How each child reacts 27 – How each child reacts differently to death. End after the differently to death. End after the second child’s gift and talking.second child’s gift and talking.