Help My Child Be a More Responsible Person

8/14/2019 Help My Child Be a More Responsible Person

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Help My Child Be aMore Responsible

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Help My Child Be a More Responsible PersonDo I need this EduGuide?

Yes, if you would like to help your child become a more responsible citizen at home, in the community, and in the larger world.

How does it work?

Quizzes help you know where you stand.Articles give you the background information you need to make a decision.

l On the Virtue of Making Kids Do the Dishes

ShortCuts help you take immediate action. Choose one or go through them all.

What will I learn from this EduGuide?

l What being a responsible citizen entailsat home, in the community, and in the nation and worldl How to help my child be a good friend and a responsible girlfriend or boyfriendl What responsibilities are appropriate for kids of different agesl How to help my child balance responsibilities

Quick Solutions

l What can I do in fifteen minutes? Take the quiz " Am I Raising a Responsible Citizen?" and evaluate the results. Figure outwhich parts of this Guide can help you best and read one.

l What can I do in an hour or two? Formulate a plan to balance your teens responsibilities with his or her privileges.

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Help My Child Be a More Responsible FriendPeers become more important as children enter their teens, so make sure your teen has friendship skills: that he or she knows howto nurture healthy friendships and end unhealthy ones. Talk to your child about friendship and what being a good friend means. Youmight offer some of these thoughts:

l Friends make each other feel good about themselves. A friend who makes you feel bad about yourself isnt a real friend.l You can always be honest and reveal your true self around a friend.l Keep your promises to your friends, except when they will hurt you or the friend.l You should be able to argue with your friends and even hurt each other without ruining the friendship. Friends apologize,

forgive, and repair the relationship.l You build a good friendship by spending time with a friend.l Friends are loyal. They dont gossip about each other, and they dont date people they know their friends are crushing on.

l Friends help each other. Make sure you always return favors.l Friends protect each other. Dont let a friend do something dangerous like drive drunk.l Feed a friendship by paying attention to a friend, celebrating good times together, and being available when times are tough.

Here are some things you can do to help your teen be responsible about friendships:

l Know the friends and their parents. You dont need to be friends with your childs friends, but you should know them wellenough that you can talk to your child about them.

l Invite your kids friends to family activities. Spending time together helps you get to know them and makes everyone morecomfortable around each other.

l Let teens hang out at your house. Try to make your home a welcoming and safe place for teens. Be friendly, but also be firmabout your values. Dont provide alcohol to anyone underage and do not tolerate illegal or dangerous behavior.

l Be consistent about enforcing family rules. Welcoming your childs friends into your home does not mean that you have to

suspend family rules. Be clear about what is acceptable in your house and what is not.l Observe your childs friendships. You dont have to like your childs friends, but if you think a friend is abusive emotionally or

physically, step in and help your child handle the situation.l Model good friendships. Let your children see you engaging in healthy friendships with people who have fun together, treat

each other respectfully, and help each other out.l Give your child time to make friends. People need to spend time together for friendships to develop. Make sure your child isnt

so overscheduled with activities after school, sports, and household chores that there is no time left for friends.l Encourage participation in group activities. These activities are good a good way for your kid to meet others with similar

interests and make friends.l Support your child with your words. Words can hurt. Dont say your kid is shy, has no friends, or is mean. Dont tease or ridicule

him or her in front of friends. Instead, encourage the behavior youd like to see, and be kind to your child and your childsfriends.



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Help My Child Be a More Responsible Girlfriend or BoyfriendThough your teenager is more likely to turn to peers for tips on dating and relationship advice, you still play a critical role in teachinghim or her about friendship, love, and dating.

Relationship Advice for Preteens (Teens, and Post Teens)

Though it is never too late to learn how to be a responsible girl- or boyfriend, ideally the following lessons should start before kidsstart dating:

l Model healthy relationships . To the best of your ability be polite, respectful, attentive, and caring to your spouse or significantother. Point out examples of people who treat each other well and explain how that behavior builds healthy relationships. Make

sure that your kid understands that people involved in good relationships do disagree and arguesometimes frequently. Todemonstrate constructive conflict resolution, let your child observe how you and a partner work through a significantdisagreement.

l Explain that to be a good girlfriend or boyfriend , you first have to be a good friend. If you choose to forbid exclusive dating untila certain age (youre the parent, you have this right), suggest instead that your child spend time with groups of friends of mixedgender with adult chaperones. Its a good way to gain social skills without the pressure of a relationship.

l Listen to your kids sometimes without giving advice . This helps to establish trust and let your kids know that they can talk toyou about important things without having to hear a lecture.

l Teach your children to respect themselves by urging them to consider the impact of their choices (whether clothing or friendsor behaviors). Show them that you respect them and model respect for them (see ShortCut How to Respect (and Love) aDisrespectful Teen )

l Provide a comfortable and relaxed place in your home where their friends can hang out (having home-cooked food on handdoesnt hurt, either!). Dont embarrass your kids in front of their friends and be polite to those they bring home.

l Talk about sex . Make sure your child has a solid sex education and understands how babies are made. Share your values

about sex and the complications (physical and emotional) that come from having sex.

Teen Dating Advice

Parents can help kids avoid relationship pitfalls, stay safe while dating, and enjoy healthy, responsible relationships by followingsome simple guidelines:

l Try group dates . Its not only a lot of fun, it can strengthen a relationship by creating memories, building a support group, andreducing the pressure for two people to keep up all the conversation. It also can help protect you from physical situations thatyou might not be ready for.

l Instead of asking someone , Do you like me? be the first to say what your feelings are without expecting a response. Berespectful of whatever response you do get. This shows moral courage without pressuring the other person.

l Avoid dating a friends ex or someone your friend is interested in: it will do nothing but cause trouble. Definitely dont asksomeone out that your friend is currently dating.l Guard your dates trust . Dont share everything the two of you say to each other or do together with friends at school. In other

words, dont kiss and tell or boast about how the other person feels about you.l Ask yourself, if you and your date are gentle and kind to each other , have fun and laugh a lot together, and listen to each

other. If you cant say most of the time, this is a clear sign it isnt a healthy relationship.l Try to show dignity at all times from when you first ask a person out, through whatever ups and downs a relationship has, to

when it ends.l Find things that you enjoy doing together , from playing a sport to supporting a cause. Look for things which you either share in

common or are interested in doing. If you have no common interests (besides each other) this can be a warning sign that youarent truly compatible.

http://www.eduguide.org/Parents-Library/Respect-and-Love-Disrespectful-Teen-2127.aspx


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Relationship Advice for Teens Going Steady

When things start getting exclusive, talk with your teen about the following relationship issues:

l Give your significant other space and time to be with other friends . Wanting to hang out with someone else isnt an insult or a sign that there is something wrong with the relationship. Rather it is healthy to have friends outside of a romanticrelationship.

l Be careful about age differences . An age difference can mean an imbalance of power and a greater potential for abuse.l If you are in an exclusive relationship with someone , dont flirt with other people. It is disrespectful to yourself, your significant

other, and the person you are flirting with.l Honor your commitments to each other and when you cant, let the other person know before the commitment is broken.l Dont pressure your girlfriend or boyfriend to do something that he or she doesnt want to do. This is true whether it is

becoming more involved physically, emotionally, or socially.l Be careful about what you post on Facebook , MySpace, or other social networking sites. Keep in mind that these are public,

searchable, and can come back to haunt you.l Do not let anyone take nude pictures of you with their camera, cell phone, or any other device. No matter what you are

promised, you never know where they might end up.l Remember that it is easy to misinterpret written communication , especially when it is in the shortened form of emails or text

messages. Take a deep breath before writing anything and take the time to carefully read what youve written.l Be responsible when breaking up . When possible and safe, do it face-to-face and not via email, a phone call, texting, or a

note. Be courteous and firm.



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Help My Child Be a More Responsible Citizen of Our CommunityA natural place to teach citizenship is within your own community where youth community service and volunteering opportunities areplentiful. Among the many possibilities, consider some of the following:

l Be a good neighbor . Demonstrate neighborliness to your child. Shovel a neighbors walk, pick up trash, run errands for ailingor elderly folks, participate in a block party, or simply chat over the fence. Encourage your child to help neighbors with choressuch as getting mail or taking care of a pet when a neighbor is away.

l Draw your childs attention to the good work other people in your neighborhood do . Talk about what they do and how itimproves people lives. Then thank them.

l Stay informed about your community . Read the local paper and ask your child to read it too. Discus the issues you readabout, and if your kid feels strongly, encourage him or her to write a letter to the editor expressing an opinion or taking a stand.

l Teach your child about government . Review the responsibilities of the federal, state, and local government. (You dont have to

know everything. Thats what libraries are for!) Consider taking a tour of local government buildings such as a courthouse or city hall. Maybe you can witness a trial or a citizenship ceremony. When an issue you are interested in comes up, attend aschool board or city council meeting with your child. Speak at the meeting, if appropriate, and let your child do so. Discuss theresults of the meeting. What will happen at a result of the meeting? What next steps might the two of you take?

l Model participatory democracy by making a habit of phoning and writing letters and e-mails to government officials about theissues that you care passionately about. Discuss these communications with your child, and post the addresses and phonenumbers of government representatives in case your actions inspire your child to do the same.

l Volunteer in your community . Many local nonprofit organizations are looking for volunteer help from people of all ages. Thereare never enough volunteers! Depending on your familys interests, you and your child may be able to volunteer together for anorganization like the Humane Society. Or perhaps there is a scouting or other service organization in your area that your child isinterested in joining. Explain what the volunteers organizations do in your community do: for example, a YWCA, food bank,homeless shelter, Red Cross, hospital auxiliary, recreation association, and so on.

l Pick a project . Let your child choose a project that would improve the neighborhood. It might be cleaning up a park, pullingweeds in a playground, painting a mural on a building, or planting flowers in a traffic circle. Plan together how that project couldbe accomplished. What do you need to do to get started? How much will it cost? Will you need to get permission, and if so,from who? Who can help you complete the project? Make a plan together, and then carry it out.



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Help My Child Be a More Responsible U.S. CitizenTeaching citizenship skills is a task parents have from the time their child learns to talk until that child graduates from college andbeyond. Here are several family ideas to help you along the way.

l Vote . Take your child with you to the polling place when you voteand vote in all the elections not just presidential ones. Athome discuss voting and choose some issues that can be put to a family vote.

l Obey the rules . Be a great model for your kid by following the law, for example by obeying traffic laws and paying taxes. Insteadof complaining about having to obey laws, talk to your child about ways to change laws that seem unjust or illogical.

l Treat public figures respectfully . Model respectful behavior toward politicians, police officers, and members of the military.Discuss productive and respectful ways to disagree. When you see poor examples, in person or in the media, point them outand ask your kids to suggest more respectful approaches. Keep in mind that adults pessimism and sarcasm about publicservice can have a powerful negative effect on children.

l Learn about the country . Include American history and current events in your conversations and family activities. Put maps onyour wall or globes on desks and use them frequently. Visit history museums, historical landmarks, and national parks. Letyour child pick a destination that has historical significance. Have him or her research the location and then be the tour guidewhen you arrive.

l Volunteer for a political candidate . Explain why you support this candidate, take your kid along to the campaign office, and givehim or her a job to do.

l Read a newspaper . Discuss interesting articles with your child. Find editorials that take opposing views of the same issue andhave your child read them. Then ask him or her to explain which editorial was more convincing and why. Explore politics on theInternet with your child.

l Honor the flag . Attend a flag ceremony on a special occasion. Display the flag at your home and talk to your child about its care.Give your child the responsibility of raising and lowering the flag each day.

l Hold a mock trial . Invent a scenario and issue jury notices to your child and some friends. Select a jury and appoint lawyersand a judge. Then hold the trial. As a family, watch a classic movie about a trial such as Twelve Angry Men or To Kill aMockingbird. Then discuss the issues the movie raises.

l Create a Family Bill of Rights . Study the Bill of Rights in the Constitution. Brainstorm with your kid the responsibilities that gowith each of these rights. Using this work as a model, create a bill of rights for the family.

l Make national holidays meaningful . Pick a holiday and spend the day focusing on its meaning to citizens. For example, onMartin Luther King Jr. Day, you could visit a civil rights museum or attend a local event honoring him. On Presidents Day, eachfamily member could pick a president, do research on his life and accomplishments, and give a speech about him. OnMemorial Day, your family could put flowers at an untended gravesite at a veterans cemetery. On Independence Day, you couldattend a parade or a community picnic. On Labor Day, you might look at photos of child labor and talk about the protectionschild and adult workers have today. On Veterans Day, you could visit a war memorial or write to service members overseas.

http://www.historyplace.com/unitedstates/childlabor/index.htmlhttp://www.kidstalkpolitics.com/


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Help My Child Be a More Responsible World CitizenHelp your children become more responsible world citizens and develop social strengths by providing practical citizenship educationincluding volunteering opportunities. Here are some ideas to get you started.

l Learn about your world . Read the newspaper, watch the news on TV, and go online to find out which countries are in the newsthese days and why. Locate the countries on a world map or globe or in an atlas. Discuss international events with your teen.How might an event that happens in a country halfway around the world affect your family? If your child is studying another country or region of the world in school, learn from him or her. Then use library or museum resources to find out more.

l Learn about the United Nations . Founded by fifty-one countries after World War II, the UN, which now has 192 member states,keeps the peace, resolves conflicts, and provides humanitarian assistance around the world. Help your kids become better-informed world citizens by learning more about the triumphs and challenges this great institution faces. Tour the UN in NewYork (its free!) or take a virtual tour.

l Go green . Hold a family summit on reducing your familys consumption of the earths resources. Talk about saving energy,water, and gas by dialing down the thermostat, using compact fluorescent bulbs, unplugging appliances when theyre notbeing used, taking shorter showers, using low-flow showerheads, eating locally raised meat, eggs, and dairy products, havingvegetarian meals once a week (or more), skipping bottled water, bringing your own tote to the grocery store, and recyclingrechargeable batteries and printer cartridges. Brainstorm. What can your family buy second hand rather than new? What canyou borrow (or share) instead of buying? Are there places you drive to that you could walk or ride bikes to? Would your familyenjoy a game night once a week with all the computers and televisions turned off? What other ideas for conserving resourcescan your family come up with?

l Celebrate Earth Day . Join this annual April 22 appreciation of the earths environment. Local activities often include park andbeach cleanups, gardening projects, and informational events focusing on conservation and climate change. Many schoolscelebrate Earth Day, so find out what your local school is planning, and check with local environmental groups as well. Thenchoose an activity and join the celebration as a family.

l Make friends with someone from another country . The person could be a neighbor, someone you know from work or your child knows from school, or even a relative. If you cant think of anyone, contact your childs school, your place of worship, or asocial service agency. Bring your teen with you as you get to know the person. Enjoy both likenesses and differences betweenyour families. Holiday celebrations, food, and leisure activities are always good conversation starters.

l Help your child find a pen pal from another country . What a great way to gain an international perspective and make a newfriend! Online is the easiest way to find a pen pal, but make sure the site is safe. If you cant find a site youre comfortable with(your childs teacher may know one), these two Web sites are reputable: http://www.amazing-kids.org/penpals andwww.ipf.net.au/ .

l Help someone in another part of the world . Search for volunteer opportunities that will give you the chance to help others. TheRed Cross is just one disaster relief agency with local affiliates. Nearly every religious denomination sponsors a relief agencyas well. If you are considering donating to an international charity that you are not familiar with, check www.charitynavigator.org for help evaluating it.

l Learn a foreign language with your child . Take a community education class or use CDs and books at home. This is a tallorder for busy families, but you should be able to learn at least the basics if you keep at it. One fun family alternative is for eachfamily member to memorize a few greetings and polite phrases in a different language. Then teach each other what you

learned. Encourage everyone to keep using the phrases so they dont forget them.

http://www.charitynavigator.org/http://www.ipf.net.au/http://www.amazing-kids.org/penpalshttp://www.un.org/Pubs/CyberSchoolBus/untour/


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Help My Teenager Take On More ResponsibilityEduGuide Staff

As kids grow older, they canand shouldtake on increased responsibility. Responsibility is critical to a young personsdevelopment, building their coping skills, self-esteem, and sense of ownership.

The following are tips for increasing responsibility in four key areas: academics, chores, community service, and finances.

Academics. Teens should be expected to keep track of homework, test dates, etc. without daily reminders from their parents. It isgood to start in middle school before they face the even-more-demanding responsibilities of high school.

Teens Chores. Getting help from your teen can make your family run more smoothly, help him or her feel like a valued member of thefamily team, and teach life skills. Here are some suggestions:

l Trash: Ask teens to keep track of the garbage level in all family wastebaskets and empty them when they get full.l Laundry: Teens can wash all their own laundry plus one additional load per week to represent their share of towels, sheets,

etc. Show them how to wash whites, colors, etc. "Doing the laundry" means wash, dry, fold, and put away.l Errands: Once teens are able to drive, they can take younger siblings to school, lessons, or practices. Make it their

responsibility to remember times and locations.

Community Service Opportunities. Work with your teen to find community service ideas that match their interests. These are someoptions:

l Local humane societies often have volunteer programs for adolescents. Contact your local ASPCA or veterinarian for suggestions.

l Kids who are artistically inclined might be able to volunteer at a local art museum, preparing materials for arts projects,performing data entry, and acting as teacher aides for art classes.

l Teens who like to work with their hands can volunteer with organizations like Habitat for Humanity (information on their youthprograms is available)

Financial Responsibilities. There are many ways to foster financial responsibility in young people. The following are ideas to get youstarted:

l Allowance. A predictable income can help your teens learn money management skills. Help them create a chart that showshow much they need and how long it will take to reach that goal.

l Bank accounts. Middle school is also a good time to introduce checking accounts. Call your bank or credit unions to see whatspecial programs they have that teach teens how to save, how interest works, etc.

Eight Tips for Assigning Responsibilities

1. Involve your teen. Talk to her or him about family needs. Some families involve their teenagers in creating a family budget. Set up aspreadsheet and show your teenager what expenses the family has each month. When discussing chores for kids, it can be useful tomake a list of all of the tasks that must be done in the household each week and/or month. Teenagers and parents can then worktogether to divide responsibilities fairly.2. Define responsibilities clearly. Do chores with your teens until they understand what is needed. And dont rely just on a verbalcommitmentput it in writing. Create a checklist, put up a chalkboard or a dry-erase board, make a job chart. When possible, addpictures for teens who learn visually, read them aloud for those who are auditory learners, and have spaces to cross things off for

http://www.habitat.org/youthprograms/int/


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those who are tactile learners. Some parents even create contracts with their children.3. Set a good example. Be careful about the language you use: if you complain about doing work or try to get out of it, you might beteaching your children to whine or procrastinate. Show your children that you are grateful for the responsibilities that you have bysharing things you like about your job or your satisfaction with household tasks like It sure feels comfortable to climb into a bed withfreshly washed sheetsit makes doing laundry feel worthwhile.4. Be a good coach. Supervise their responsibilities and provide feedback and coaching to make sure they are meeting standardsand that they continue to do the task. Remember that the goal here isnt perfectionpraise your children frequently and acknowledgewhat they do accomplish.5. Provide rewards and consequences. Be generous with praise and provide appropriate rewards for tasks completed. Tasks welldone can be rewarded with family games or increased freedom or rights. Its never too early to learn that increased responsibilitiesequal increased trust.

6. Be consistent. Once a job is assigned, expect the teen to fulfill that responsibility. If the task is taking out the garbage twice a week,then make sure the child does that task twice a week.7. Dont sabotage!

l Dont stereotype chores as being female or male.l Dont overwhelm your teenschildren still need time for play, homework, and friendships.l Dont expect perfection.l Dont redo the task behind your teens' back.l Dont let kids whine their way out of a task or procrastinate.

8. Make the job fun. Many chores can be made more pleasant with a song or a game. Graphic designer Marie Marfia created a boardgame for her kids called The Endless Chore Game. The board has squares like Candy Land but no beginning or end. Each squarehas pictures of kids doing chores (mowing the lawn and washing dishes and sweeping floors). Mafia puts the board on the fridge and

uses magnets for game pieces. Her kids roll dice find out what chores they have. How is this fun? The board has a few free spaceswith fun stuff, like cloud watching or pudding construction or singing "Old MacDonald Had a Farm. If youre lucky, you might get out of chores for a day."



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Due to the dynamic nature of our quizzes, they are only available on the web. Follow the addresses below to take a quiz on our website.

Am I Raising a Responsible Citizen?

http://www.eduguide.org/Parents/TakeQuiz/tabid/114/quizId/55/view/StepTakeQuiz/Default.aspx

Does My Child Behave Responsibly in Personal Relationships?

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Help My Child Be a More Responsible Person