Dan  Griffin,  MA

Helping  Men  Recover:Males,  Addiction,  and  the  Missing  Peace

December  12th,  2013

What  would  men  tell  us  if  welistened  to  their  strugglesinstead  of  telling  them  whattheir  struggles  were?

My  Water

WhiteHeterosexualMaleUpper  Middle  ClassPerson  in  Long-­‐Term  RecoveryTrauma  Survivor

Group  Exercise  from  Session  II

The  Rules  of  Being  a  Man

The  Principles  of  Recovery

We  have  to  learn  how  to  walkthrough  the  messages  ofgender  but  only  if  we  can  seethem…

only  if  we  can  see  the  Water

How  have  your  ideas  ofbeing  a  man  changedsince  getting  intorecovery?

 The  Missing  Pieces• Services  and  a  system  that  values  and  seeks  to

understand  the  experiences  of  men

• Impact  of  male  socialization  on  serviceengagement  and  recovery

• Relational  needs  of  men

• Abuse  and  trauma  (experienced  andperpetrated)

The  Missing  Piece

“We  are  Hard-­‐Wired  forRelationship”

                                                         -­‐  Bruce  Perry

Male  Relational  Dread

Characteristics  of  Healthy  Relationship?IntimacyHonestyVulnerabilityCompromiseTrustSharing  Emotions

“Holy  Shit….I  am  the  Patriarchy!”  

-­‐Brene  Brown

Helping  Men  RecoverCore  Principles  of  HMR

••Men  Men  are  not  the  problem  are  not  the  problem  ––  how  howmen  have  been  men  have  been  socialized  andsocialized  andraised  raised  is  the  problemis  the  problem

Core  Principles  of  HMR

••Facilitator  Facilitator  self-­‐awareness  and  personal  self-­‐awareness  and  personal  workwork

••Co-­‐facilitation  is  highly  recommendedCo-­‐facilitation  is  highly  recommended

Core  Principles  of  HMR

••Trauma  Trauma  is  a  gendered  experienceis  a  gendered  experience

Core  Principles  of  HMR

••Traditional  Traditional  treatment  was  not  created  withtreatment  was  not  created  withmenmen’’s  unique  issues  and  needs  in  mind  s  unique  issues  and  needs  in  mind  ––therefore,  both  men  and  women  have  nottherefore,  both  men  and  women  have  notbeen  trained  to  work  most  effectively  withbeen  trained  to  work  most  effectively  withmenmen

Core  Principles  of  HMR

••We  (clinicians,  facilitators)  do  not  know  who  aWe  (clinicians,  facilitators)  do  not  know  who  aman  should  be  man  should  be  ––  our  only  job  is  to  help  our  only  job  is  to  helpfacilitate  that  self-­‐discoveryfacilitate  that  self-­‐discovery

Core  Principles  of  HMRClients  have  each  have  their  own  unique  truth  and  wisdom.

Core  Principles  of  HMR

••Confrontation  Confrontation  as  a  primary  mechanism  foras  a  primary  mechanism  fortreating  men  is  not  effectivetreating  men  is  not  effective

Homophobia  and  Misogyny

Are  frequently  the  underlying  cause  of  male  violence

Impede  men’s  relationships  with  women  and  othermen

Lead  men  to  deny,  reject,  or  feel  shame  aboutessential  aspects  of  their  true  nature

Copyright © 2013, Covington, Griffin, and Dauer 25

Core  Principles  of  HMR

••Creating  Creating  a  healthy  relationship  a  healthy  relationship  to  power  &to  power  &controlcontrol

Core  Principles  of  HMR

••Compassion  &  Non-­‐judgmentalCompassion  &  Non-­‐judgmental

••AccountabilityAccountability

Core  Principles  of  HMRCandid  and  non-­‐judgmental  conversation  about  human  sexuality  is  essential  subjectCandid  and  non-­‐judgmental  conversation  about  human  sexuality  is  essential  subjectmatter  for  menmatter  for  men’’s  treatments  treatment

Core  Principles  of  HMRRecovery  is  a  process  of  spiritual  transformation.  The  emergence  of  CBT  as  theRecovery  is  a  process  of  spiritual  transformation.  The  emergence  of  CBT  as  theprimary  treatment  modality  has  marginalized  spiritualityprimary  treatment  modality  has  marginalized  spirituality

Core  Principles  of  HMRMen  experience  the  full  range  of  human  emotion,  yet  many  sruggle  with  healthyMen  experience  the  full  range  of  human  emotion,  yet  many  sruggle  with  healthyexpression  of  their  feelings  because  they  lack  fluency  in  this  language.expression  of  their  feelings  because  they  lack  fluency  in  this  language.

Core  Principles  of  HMR

Men  desire  connection  through  relationships,  yet  lack  relational  competence.

Core  Principles  of  HMRMen  who  have  been  betrayed  in  relationships  will  expect  repeated  betrayal  even  asthey  seek  connection

The  solution  to  this  central  relational  paradox  is  through  the  development  of  mutualempathy

Core  Principles  of  HMRSafety  and  trust  are  words  frequently  used  interchangeably,  however  for  many  mensafety  may  initially  require  not  trusting  others

What  would  men  tell  us  if  wecreated  a  truly  safe  placeand  listened  to  theirstruggles  instead  of  tellingthem  what  they  are  and  arenot?

 The  Missing  Pieces• Services  and  a  system  that  values  and  seeks  to

understand  the  experiences  of  men

• Impact  of  male  socialization  on  serviceengagement  and  recovery

• Relational  needs  of  men

• Abuse  and  trauma  (experienced  andperpetrated)

A  Man’s  Way  through  the  Twelve  Steps

First  gender-­‐responsive  andtrauma-­‐informed  book  for  men  inany  twelve-­‐step  program  focusedon  men’s  unique  issues  and  needs

Core  Issues•Emotional  Awareness,Relationships,  Grief,  Anger,Violence,  Abuse,  and  Trauma

Helping  Men  Recover

A  Man’s  Way  through  RelationshipsCentral  Recovery  Press  (August  2014)