HOW TO BE A PERFECT

GENTLEMAN

“For I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to

you.” (John 13:15) It is the goal of the Inter-American

Division to challenge male adolescents and youth of the

Seventh-day Adventist Church to be like Jesus in thought, word and action. A man to the measure of

Christ becomes a perfect gentleman.

AMONG ALL, THE BEST

Imagine that you are at a marketplace to choose an apple, and notice that not all are

the same. There are apples of various sizes, colors and tones. Many seem

recently picked and others past their time of freshness. Which one would you

choose? The best, of course! And how do you know that? Because you chose the one that looked the best, smelled the best, and that you considered would be sweetest in

your mouth.

Just like the variety of apples made an impression in you, so also you make an impression upon others. Would they choose you to be their friend,

boyfriend, spouse? Would they consider you to be the best? Your

reputation will determine that, and it will be a good one if your objective is

to be the perfect gentleman.

God made every man in His own Image (Genesis 1:27); and it was God's plan for man that he would live forever without

blemish. However, sin entered the world and the consequences were immediate. “The wretched condition of the world at

the present time has been presented before me. Since Adam’s fall the race

has been degenerating.” (3T 139)

Man embarked in an intense degradation process which

increases exponentially with each passing day, and what was previously good, is becoming less good and in some cases

outright evil.

But I have good news for you. Christ has left for us an example to follow. And in this study we will analyze five rules that will set the tone of

how to become like Him. By leaving the lot others follow, you can

become the perfect gentleman, a gentleman like Christ was, so that

you may be like Him in everything.

RULE # 2: A PERFECT GENTLEMAN IS RESPECTFUL TO ALL

“Respect is a two-way street, if you want to get it, you’ve got to

give it.” – R.G. Risch

“Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also to

them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.” (Matthew 7:12)

It has been taught that men should primarily respect

women, and this is true, but respect is deserved by

everyone, both men and women. The apostle Paul wrote, “For there is no partiality with

God.” (Romans 2:11)

There are men who behave rudely and disrespectful among their male friends. But a perfect gentleman is respectful to the ladies and also to other men,

just like they themselves would like to be respected by other

men also.

RESPECT MAN TO MAN

The perfect gentleman: • does not mock the

weaknesses of another man • lifts a fallen man • calls men by their name • does not impose himself by

force or superiority

• understands that men also cry • does not offend or ridicule the

appearance of another man • knows that to behave like a man does

not mean to be rude nor insensitive, but to be firm of character and filled with the power of God.

“Watch, stand fast in the faith, be brave, be strong.” (1 Corinthians 16:13)

MAN’S RESPECT FOR A WOMAN

The perfect gentleman: • knows that a woman is a daughter of God

and treats her as such in all aspects • does not make indecent proposals • knows that what is most valuable about a

woman is her heart and he must protect it above all things

• does not play with the feelings of a woman, but is first and foremost sincere and true

• knows that he should never hit a woman, not even with a flower

• knows that a woman may be physically weaker than him, but is sure that her mind is as competent as that of a man’s or even more

• defends and protects a woman when she is in vulnerable situations

• respects the body and mind of a woman • strives to touch a woman’s heart and not to

touch any other part of her body • knows that he was borne of a woman and

that a woman was God’s chosen instrument to give him life

MAN’S RESPECT OF NATURE

• The perfect gentleman: • knows that nature is God's creation, therefore

he must care for and preserve it (Genesis 1:31) • cares for animals; does not hurt, humiliate, or

take advantage of them • respects both the lion and the flower • does not litter, but deposits all trash in its

designated place • saves water and other natural resources • knows that nature is God’s second book,

therefore he must learn from it

RULE # 3: A PERFECT

GENTLEMAN IS CLEAN OF MIND AND BODY

“Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.” (Psalm 51:7)

Imagine having a glass of water 100% pure. Now imagine that you put in an "insignificant" drop of sewer water. I ask you, would you drink it? Of course not! Why? Definitely because even a single drop is enough to contaminate all of the water in the glass.

It is a challenge for all of us to remain pure before God. Perhaps someone thinks it is impossible. However, let me remind you of the words of Jesus: “But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:48). If Jesus asks this of us, it is because it is possible! Therefore, do not let a drop of sin contaminate your soul.

CLEAN MIND The perfect gentleman knows that the mind is the command center where all decisions that affect his life are taken, for better or for worse. The mind is nourished with

information by means of the senses: taste, hearing, touch, smell and sight; therefore, he must be vigilant of what is perceived and registered by his eyes, ears, nose,

mouth and touch.

The perfect gentleman closes his eyes and ears and rejects that which can

pollute his mind: • Pornography • Violence • Offenses • Gossip • Music that lowers the morale and

violates the principles of God • Destructive criticism

The perfect gentleman, if he has an indiscretion with a lady, and she

likewise responds to him: • Does not condemn her afterwards • Does not tell his friends about it • Does not talk about it with anyone,

but only with God In other words, the perfect gentleman has no memory.

CLEAN BODY (INSIDE AND OUTSIDE)

A true gentleman: • cares about cleanliness, both external

and internal • cares about oral hygiene, and having

clean hands and feet • does not wait for his mother to do

everything for him, but rather knows that God gave him hands and the ability to keep his own clothes and shoes clean himself

We all admire seeing a young man who keeps his hair clean and well-groomed, dressed in clean clothes

that are not wrinkled or torn, and that fit properly, neither tight nor baggy.

Remember: sporting expensive clothing is not synonymous with

being well-dressed.

Bathing daily is important. Besides being healthy, it also

allows you to smell good, look good and feel good.

“Even from the body’s purity, the mind receives a secret sympathetic aid.” James Thomson

RULE # 4: A PERFECT

GENTLEMAN HAS GOOD MANNERS

“Therefore be imitators of God as dear children. And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling

aroma. But fornication and all uncleanness or

covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints; neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which

are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks.” (Ephesians 5:1-4)

What are good manners? In sociology, good manners are the rules of conduct carried out to show that a person is proper,

educated and refined. Good manners externalize respect for

other people.

The perfect gentleman will have admirable manners, not

only among strangers, but will also be courteous even in the comfort of his own home and

among his people.

Why is it important to practice good manners?

1. You will enjoy having a good reputation. Though you may not be aware of it, people see how you treat others. If

you are polite, they will see you as a matured and responsible young man, but if you are rude many doors will close for you. “The merciful man does good for his own soul, But he who is cruel troubles his

own flesh.” (Proverbs 11:17)

2. You will be well-esteemed by others. People feel good around those who are cordial. No one likes to hang around

people who are unsympathetic, inconsiderate, derisive or who have a bad temper. Honey is what attracts, just like do those who exude love. “But above all

these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection.” (Colossians 3:14)

3. You will be treated well: Always be kind, just as you wish others would be towards you. Because of your courtesy and goodwill to others, you will find grace such that even from the most

difficult people you will see harshness subside, particularly in dealing with you. “For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you

use, it will be measured back to you.” (Matthew 7: 2)

4. Your family will benefit. One of the most difficult situations for a family is having at home a husband or father who has an explosive temper and who treats them badly, who is disrespectful in his actions and hurting by his words. In fact,

when such a man goes out, the wife and children feel a sense of relief and are thankful for the time he is absent from the home. This is very sad; however, it is a reality in many homes.

Keep in mind this truth and never allow yourself to become a tyrant to your family.

GOOD MANNERS AT THE TABLE The perfect gentleman:

• Positions the chair for a lady and waits until she sits down for him to then sit.

• Never leans his elbows on the table, and always keeps his arms visible, particularly if a lady is sitting next to him.

• Does not eat with his hands, except those foods that require it like a piece of bread.

• Eats with his mouth closed, does not talk with food still in his mouth, and eats slowly.

• Avoid talking about politics and other controversial subjects.

• Knows that it is not acceptable to talk about sex, and does not make subtle hints about it.

• Is conscious of the presence of ladies, children and persons of advanced age, in order to maintain and direct the conversation to pleasing themes that would not exclude the participation of any of them.

• Concentrates on the people at the table with him and not in what is displayed in his cell phone.

GOOD MANNERS IN PUBLIC PLACES

The perfect gentleman: • Gives up his seat for pregnant

women, the elderly, and disabled persons.

• If he is with someone, he does not speak so loud that others around can hear his conversation.

• If he is listening to music or another recording, he does it privately using headphones.

• If he is walking accompanied by a woman, he positions himself on the street side.

• When entering or exiting and elevator, he yields to women, the elderly and disabled persons. And he holds a door for them until they enter or leave.

GOOD MANNERS IN CHURCH The perfect gentleman:

• Turns off or places in silent mode his cell phone.

• If he arrives when the program has already started, he waits until there is a pause to enter and take a seat.

• Does not go around walking along the hallways, but rather sits in the sanctuary and pays attention.

Participates saying “amen” or other expression commend aloud only when the impact of what has been said is powerful. But he does not turn vocal exclamations into an unconscious habit or vain

repetition. Wordiness does not impress God (Matthew 6:7), and neither does it impress the

people around him. During a theatrical performance or at a tribunal in session, a person who interrupts with constant comments will be

escorted out. It is easy to excuse a child who every now and then talks in church, but from an adult

that conduct is unacceptable.

• Never holds the hand of a woman a second more than is necessary to greet her. In two occasions a good-looking woman had to tell church elders, “Give me back my hand please.”

• When he greets someone by shaking their hand, it is because his hands are clean. Too many men do not seem to realize their hands are sticky or sweaty. Many women make comments among themselves about such a man’s lack of hygiene as well as of him being inconsiderate of others in that regard.

If he uses the bathroom, he always washes his hands afterwards. Many men are alert when in a

lavatory, taking note of those men that do not have the discipline of washing their hands. Afterwards

they caution their wife and daughters, so they could avoid greeting such men.

Is prudent and never caresses a woman’s hand or face, nor touch her ear. Women despise such

advances and warn each other about what such a man has done. Let not that be your foolish action

because it can ruin your reputation.

GOOD MANNERS WHILE ON A DATE WITH A WOMAN

A perfect gentleman: • Is always on time. If he is going to be late, he

calls her well beforehand to let her know. • He is cordial from the moment he greets her to

the moment he says goodbye. • Never answers his cell phone while on a date.

Nonetheless, if the call is very important or urgent, he first excuses himself prior to answering.

• Shows interest and pays attention when she speaks.

• In places where food and drink are served, he asks her what she would like to eat and drink, and he places the order for her.

• Eats at the same pace as her so that neither one is left eating alone if the other finishes first.

“Politeness makes one appear outwardly as they should be within.” Jean de la Bruyère.

GOOD MANNERS WHEN SPEAKING • Peter the apostle not only denied Jesus,

but tried to seal his deceit by using profanity when“…he began to curse and swear…” (Matthew 26:74)

• That event lets us know that the apostles were accustomed to speaking honestly, nobly and decently. And we conclude that it was such because they walked in the presence of the Divine Master.

Therefore you, who desires to be a perfect gentleman, NEVER should, especially in the presence of a lady: • Use profanity • Tell shady jokes • Lie, deceive or give false

testimony • Mock anyone

Rule # 5 A PERFECT

GENTLEMAN IMITATES JESUS

“He who says he abides in Him ought himself also to walk just as He

walked.” (1 John 2:6)

“Talk as Christ talked. Work as Christ worked. We must look to Christ and live. Catching sight of His loveliness, we long to practice the virtues and righteousness of Christ. It is by beholding Christ that we become changed into His image,

and by renouncing self, giving our hearts up wholly to Jesus for His Spirit to refine, ennoble, and elevate, we will be in close connection with the future world, bathed in the bright beams of the Sun of Righteousness.” (Devotional: The

Upward Look, p. 344)

This rule, to imitate Jesus, is what gives meaning to all the others before it. It is useless to be honest, respectful, clean and have good manners if Jesus is not the one guiding the life of a young man. Take courage and make your decision to be like Christ. Make it your goal to be a perfect Christian gentleman. May your desire be to become a living testimony of what Jesus can do in the life of each one of us.

“For I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you.” (John 13:15)

What did Jesus do? • He loved • He forgave • He was concerned about the

needs of others • He extended a helping hand

to the needy

Jesus is the best example of chivalry that we can find; if every young man

would make it his goal to be like Jesus, all other things will come to him. “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all

these things shall be added to you.” (Matthew 6:33)

CONCLUSION DO YOU WANT TO BE LIKE JESUS?

Daily ask God to transform you into His Image, so that you may achieve a life of honesty, of respect towards yourself and

other; so that your body and mind may be kept clean, and that you become a polite

and well-mannered person.

“Consecrate yourself to God in the morning; make this your very first work. Let your prayer be, ‘Take me, O Lord, as wholly Thine. I lay all my plans at Thy feet. Use me today in Thy service. Abide with me, and let all my work be wrought in Thee.’ This

is a daily matter. Each morning consecrate yourself to God for that day. Surrender all your

plans to Him, to be carried out or given up as His providence shall indicate. Thus day by day you

may be giving your life into the hands of God, and thus your life will be molded more and more after

the life of Christ.” (SC, 70)

CREDITS This study has been adapted from the

presentation in Spanish by Jaime Holguin and Mirtha Lugo and titled:

Como Ser el Mejor Caballero (How to be the best gentleman).

All Bible references are taken from the NIV (New International Version)

unless otherwise indicated.