I Know Now, Mother...Author(s): Ivan Cankar and Anthony J. KlančarSource: The Slavonic and East European Review, Vol. 17, No. 49 (Jul., 1938), pp. 35-37Published by: the Modern Humanities Research Association and University College London, School ofSlavonic and East European StudiesStable URL: http://www.jstor.org/stable/4203456 .

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MOTHER MACIK GOES TO THE POLLS. 35 MOTHER MACIK GOES TO THE POLLS. 35

throat, and every corner of her being was filled with a great peace, a great happiness.

She had been to the polls. Yes, she had been to the polls. How she voted I shall not reveal,

for the parson might be angry, or Miso the shoemaker, or the school- master, or somebody else.

But if anybody was curious, Mother Macik would gladly tell the whole story.

" Aha, they thought they'd catch me; but they didn't-not me ! I took good care of the card that Miso told me to-very good care."

And she would step over to the window-sill, unfold the kerchief, and from the prayer book produce-her voting card, to convince any Doubting Thomas by the testimony of his own eyes that she had indeed been to the polls.

I KNOW NOW, MOTHER... Translated from the Slovene of IVAN CANKAR by

ANTHONY J. KLAN6AR.

FIVE of us sat at the table and waited. At first, we laughed and talked, then we played dominoes. Finally, we tired of this and grew quiet.

My eldest sister was thirteen, my youngest brother, five. But in our hearts we were old, very old: we knew care and fear.

Whenever we heard steps outside, we would turn toward the door and stare at it breathlessly with big eyes and open mouths.

" She's coming! " The sound of footsteps would fade away, and we would look at

each other silently. Our eyes were tearful, and our lips quivered. We were very hungry. It was growing dark, and Mother did

not come. A good hour ago she had set out, God knows where. We only knew that when she returned she would bring back bread. We never doubted this, for it was growing towards evening, and in the evening there must be supper.

Hard and terrible is a child in his trust. In the evening there must be supper. Unmerciful is a child in his faith. In the evening there must be supper, Mother. Go and get it! Dig it out of the earth, snatch it out of the clouds !

When she went out, she seemed small and bent. She had a deep furrow on her brow.

"I'm coming back soon ! " she said. C 2

throat, and every corner of her being was filled with a great peace, a great happiness.

She had been to the polls. Yes, she had been to the polls. How she voted I shall not reveal,

for the parson might be angry, or Miso the shoemaker, or the school- master, or somebody else.

But if anybody was curious, Mother Macik would gladly tell the whole story.

" Aha, they thought they'd catch me; but they didn't-not me ! I took good care of the card that Miso told me to-very good care."

And she would step over to the window-sill, unfold the kerchief, and from the prayer book produce-her voting card, to convince any Doubting Thomas by the testimony of his own eyes that she had indeed been to the polls.

I KNOW NOW, MOTHER... Translated from the Slovene of IVAN CANKAR by

ANTHONY J. KLAN6AR.

FIVE of us sat at the table and waited. At first, we laughed and talked, then we played dominoes. Finally, we tired of this and grew quiet.

My eldest sister was thirteen, my youngest brother, five. But in our hearts we were old, very old: we knew care and fear.

Whenever we heard steps outside, we would turn toward the door and stare at it breathlessly with big eyes and open mouths.

" She's coming! " The sound of footsteps would fade away, and we would look at

each other silently. Our eyes were tearful, and our lips quivered. We were very hungry. It was growing dark, and Mother did

not come. A good hour ago she had set out, God knows where. We only knew that when she returned she would bring back bread. We never doubted this, for it was growing towards evening, and in the evening there must be supper.

Hard and terrible is a child in his trust. In the evening there must be supper. Unmerciful is a child in his faith. In the evening there must be supper, Mother. Go and get it! Dig it out of the earth, snatch it out of the clouds !

When she went out, she seemed small and bent. She had a deep furrow on her brow.

"I'm coming back soon ! " she said. C 2

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THE SLAVONIC REVIEW.

We thought she was only going to the baker three hundred yards away. A minute there, a minute back. Even if she would stop to chat for a while, it couldn't take her more than five minutes, or at most, ten. We watched the clock which hung on the wall by the stove. Its long minute hand moved slowly, and though it was in no great hurry it had roamed around the whole black circle already.

" She didn't go to the bakery! " Hanca said. " She went to the store! " Franca exclaimed. " But if they don't give her anything ! " I said. They looked at me as if I had said something not to be understood,

something very strange. " Don't give her anything? " Hanca asked, surprised. " In the evening there must be supper! " Franca exclaimed. Outside, the evening dozed on. It was night in the room.

Our eyes were young and experienced, accustomed to the dark. We looked at each other-we were older than an hour ago.

But we weren't afraid of Death, the White Woman, or witches, or vampires. Once my younger sister and I went past a shock of sheaves which stood in a field apart from the rest. They said that it was haunted there. In front of the shock of sheaves stood a decaying tree-stump which shone strangely-like a big man in a flaming sheet. We held each other's hands and went by unafraid.

Still, there was fear in our hearts aged by premature experiences. Something enormous rose up to the sky in the distance, came nearer, rising higher and growing more enormous, black and terrible. It almost veiled the whole horizon. We saw Life and were afraid.

Tears came to our eyes, but nobody sobbed aloud. Whenever strange footsteps aroused us and everything was quiet again in the room and outside, a hope rose in us, a hope which is only known to one whom Life has knocked powerless to the floor.

" This will never end! It'll never be different! Mother isn't coming! She won't bring the bread. We'll all die! "

Our despair was great, but it awoke in us something else more sinister, more terrible. A bitter, malicious hatred of Mother suddenly arose not only in me, but in all five of us who sat around the table in the dark room.

" She could if she wanted to ! She brought us bread last night ! Why shouldn't she to-night, when we are just as hungry as last night! She's standing God knows where, visiting and laughing and caring nothing about us ! She said she'd come at once. An hour has passed already since she left, maybe even an hour and a half. . .. She's waiting on purpose, she's idling in the street, she's gossipingwith

36

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I KNOW NOW, MOTHER.

the neighbours. Most likely she's already eaten her supper, and there's no hurry to bring home the bread ! "

We realised it all in the silence, we knew exactly what was in our minds: " You, too, think this, little sister! You, too, believe this, little brother!" And at that moment there was no longer any love among us.

It was night, but we could still see each other's eyes, which spoke silently:

" I know you, little sister. I know exactly why you're so quiet ! Your thought is a mortal sin which will never pass out of your soul! "

"I know you, little brother. I can see clearly what you so quietly said about me! Your sin will never pass away, too."

Outside, in front of our neighbour's house, the dog began to whine. The sound it made was sad, choked.

" He's hungry and he's whining! " Sister explained. Suddenly my youngest brother began to cry aloud. His crying

was very much like that whining. " Stop it ! " Sister grew angry, but there was a sob in her

voice, too. We looked at the table and trembled. " I'm going to look on the street," I said. " Why look? She won't come any sooner, if she comes at all! "

Slowly and quietly the door opened. Mother stood on the threshold.

We could distinguish her face as if we had seen it in broad daylight. Mother's face was very white and tiny. Her eyes were red from weeping. They searched around the room timidly. It is thus that a sinner looks at his hard-hearted judge.

Mother was afraid of us. " Did you wait long? " she said, with a quiet pleading voice.

"I couldn't get it sooner. . . . They wouldn't give..." and stopped.

She held a loaf of bread close to her body. We could see from afar already that its crust was beautifully yellow....

O Mother, I know now. We ate your body and drank your blood! That is why you left us so early ! That is why there is no joy in our hearts now, no happiness in what we do! . ..

37

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