Identity: The Play (Script)

7/28/2019 Identity: The Play (Script)

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IDENTITYA play by Amber Cannon, Connor Frankgate, Courtney Patton,

Gary McCready, Joanna McMillan, Lauren Carr, Louise Skee,

Ross Taggart, Shaun Warnock , Siobhan Woods

& Toni Couper

Research by Kay Clark & Craig Mitchell

Amended 13.04.12


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IDENTITY Rehearsal Draft 1

1

THE EMPTY STAGE IS DOMINATED BY A LARGE SCREEN IN THE SHAPE OF A

MOBILE PHONE DISPLAY PANEL. THE SILENCE IS BROKEN BY THE SOUND OF A

TEXT ALERT. AS THE UNSEEN CHARACTERS SPEAK, THEIR WORDS APPEAR IN

TEXT-SPEAK ON THE SCREEN.

ROSS: (OFF-STAGE) Awrite? Yuptaaa?

COURTNEY: (OFF-STAGE) Nuhin.

ROSS: (OFF-STAGE) Wanta dae suhin?

COURTNEY: (OFF-STAGE) Ma bit?

ROSS: (OFF-STAGE) Im not going away up eh Port. Ive

not had eh injections. You come doon here.

COURTNEY: (OFF-STAGE) Gourock? Naw thanks, Ive met enough

bams the day.

ROSS: (OFF-STAGE) Half way?

COURTNEY: (OFF-STAGE) Where?

ROSS: (OFF-STAGE) Bus stops at Cappielow.

COURTNEY: (OFF-STAGE) Ootside? Its raining.

ROSS: (OFF-STAGE) We can dive intae that big mad sugar

thingy.

COURTNEY: (OFF-STAGE) Awrite.


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THE SCREEN GOES BLANK AND THE STAGE IS FILLED WITH 19TH

(and early

20th

) CENTURY IMMIGRANTS AT A CUSTOMS POINT IN GREENOCK. THREE

IMMIGRATION OFFICIALS FACE THE CROWD ACROSS A DESK.

IMMIGRATION OFFICIAL #1: Name?

IRISH IMMIGRANT #1: Liam OKane.

IMMIGRATION OFFICIAL #1: (SHOUT) Liam Kane.

IMMIGRATION OFFICIAL #2: (WRITING IN LEDGER) Ian Kane.

IMMIGRATION OFFICIAL #3: (STAMPING CERTIFICATE) Ian Crane.

IRISH IMMIGRANT #1 TAKES HIS CERTIFICATE, LOOKS AT IT, SHRUGS AND

MOVES ON. THE NEXT IMMIGRANT APPROACHES THE DESK.


IRISH IMMIGRANT #2: Padraig Michael Joseph McGurnighan.

IMMIGRATION OFFICIAL #1: (SHOUT) Joseph McGurnigay.

IMMIGRATION OFFICIAL #2: (WRITING IN LEDGER) Joseph

McGubbligan.

IMMIGRATION OFFICIAL #3: (STAMPING CERTIFICATE) Joseph

McGubbins.


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IRISH IMMIGRANT #2 TAKES HIS CERTIFICATE, LOOKS AT IT, SHRUGS AND

MOVES ON. THE NEXT IMMIGRANT APPROACHES THE DESK.


ITALIAN IMMIGRANT #1: Antonio Ricardo Guarino from

Sicilia.

IMMIGRATION OFFICIAL #1: (SHOUT) Anthony Sicilia.

IMMIGRATION OFFICIAL #2: (WRITING IN LEDGER) Anthony Cecil.

IMMIGRATION OFFICIAL #3: (STAMPING CERTIFICATE) Anthony

Semple.

ITALIAN IMMIGRANT #1 TAKES HIS CERTIFICATE, LOOKS AT IT, SHRUGS

AND MOVES ON. THE LINE OF IMMIGRANTS CONTINUES TO BE PROCESSED AT

THE DESK. COURTNEY AND ROSS COME ON.

COURTNEY: I swear man, that bus was like suhin oot o Dr Who.

Every kindo weirdo under the sun.

ROSS: Mines was mer like Back to the Future. It was

pure going black and white the further I got fae

Gourock.

COURTNEY: Haw look at these mad crowds, man. You said it

would be private in here.

ROSS: Must be mer mad winchers in Greenock than we

thought.


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COURTNEY: Look at the nick o her.

COURTNEY AND ROSS APPROACH a 12-YEAR-OLD GIRL HAZEL KAMINSKI -

DRESSED IN THE GARB OF A 19TH

CENTURY RUSSIAN JEW.

PROJECTION: 1884. In this year Gladstones Reform Act

gives working class males voting rights. All women and 40%

of adult men were still without the vote.

ROSS: Awrite?

HAZEL DOESNT ANSWER; SHE JUST PLAYS WITH HER LONG HAIR.

COURTNEY: Whats your name?

HAZEL: Privet menya zovat Hazel Kaminski.

ROSS: (LAUGH) Thats easy for her to say.

COURTNEY: Where you fae?

HAZEL: I am from Moscow.

ROSS: Is that one o them posh estates up the back

o the broomie?

COURTNEY: Where dye buy your gear; the Primark bargain

rail?


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HAZELS TWO SISTERS, 18-YEAR OLD VALERIYA AND 10-YEAR-OLD

DOMINIKA JOIN HER.

VALERIYA: In Russia we dressed like princesses.

ROSS: Whit dye come her for then?

HAZEL: The pogrom.

ROSS: Like a back to work pogrom or suhin?

DOMINIKA: We were not welcome in Russia any more.

ROSS: Did the doctor say yer old man was fit

for work?

VALERIYA: We were persecuted for being Jewish.

COURTNEY: What would you come to a dump like Inverclyde

for?

HAZEL: If you had seen what we have seen, you would not

call Inverclyde a dump.

HAZEL, VALERIYA AND DOMINIKA COME TO THE FRONT OF THE STAGE AND

TALK TO THE AUDIENCE.

DOMINIKA: Daddy and Babushka took us from our beds and on to

the next boat. It didnt matter where it was going

it was going to be safer than Moscow.


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VALERIYA: All I have of my old life is a picture of me and my

mum.

COURTNEY: Why did she not come?

DOMINIKA: The pogrom.

HAZEL: They killed her.

VALERIYA: When we arrived in Inverclyde I was very nervous

and worried about what other people would think

about us and our type of family.

DOMINIKA: When we came into the docks we got off the boat

making sure none of us got lost. We had heard talk

of a Jewish community but we couldnt find it and

had to take shelter under a shop window until a

fellow Russian found us and took us to the

community. Me, my two sisters, our father and

babushka live in a shack. It is cramped and damp,

but it is shelter.


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HAZEL: Our father brought some of his tools for shoe

making and is starting to establish a new business

here.

DOMINIKA: When he opens his shop, we will be able to

go back to school.

VALERIYA: And get pretty new clothes.

HAZEL: Father says business is very different here.

In Russia he used to mainly make shoes but now the

only thing he does is repair them. I think he

really misses making them but, as he says, this is

our life now and we will have to get used to it.

DOMINIKA: In our community most are from Russia and all

the men work in the factories and make next to

nothing to live on. I want the life we had. When

people did things for us. My clothes are in

tatters and I want new ones. I dont go out to play

with the other children: they are not educated,

they have no money. I guess Im just the same now.

I want to live like a princess again not a

squatter.

HAZEL: I miss all my old friends. I miss Russia but

babushka probably misses it the most.

ROSS AND COURTNEY PUSH THEIR WAY INTO THE FAMILY REVERIE.

COURTNEY: Whos this pure bush guy youse are on about?


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ROSS: Big Bad Bushka Pure big Bad Bushkas gonnae

get you!

VALERIYA: Shes our Babushka, our grandmother, our

mothers mother.

ROSS: You better no shove her aff the bus.

DOMINIKA: What is this bus?

ROSS: Too stuck up for public transport are

youse?

DOMINIKA: For me the word transport brings up a picture

of the horrible overcrowded boat. Foul-smelling

people all crushed together, leaving somewhere we

dont want to leave and frightened of where we are

going to end up.

ROSS: So youve been on the Midton bus?

COURTNEY: Never mind him. Wheres your babushka now?

VALERIYA: In front of the fire, putting on a brave face.

THE STAGE DARKENS AND A SPOTLIGHT PICKS OUT BABUSHKA, A 74-YEAR-

OLD WOMAN, DRESSED IN DARK CLOTHES, WARMING HERSELF AT A ROARING

FIRE.


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BABUSHKA: Privet menya zovat Annia but everybody calls me

babushka. Life in Inverclyde is good, but I miss

home. We are going to open a family business

making and repairing shoes. We have always been a

close family but I feel this business will bring

us closer. I miss Russia and everyone and

everything in it. Our family hardly speak English

and people find it hard to understand our Jewish

accents so it has been hard for us. Everything and

everyone is different here. We find it hard to

afford things but if we stay together and work

hard well be fine. I look after my granddaughters

when my son works. They all respect me and we love

spending time together. Valeriya and Hazel will

work in the shop when it opens but the little one,

Dominika, is too young to be out working. I hope

one day we will become rich again but I fear we

wont. If I could have things my way we would be on

the next boat home.

THE STAGE LIGHTS UP TO SHOW COURTNEY AND ROSS ALONE.

COURTNEY: Right cheery bunch that lot.

ROSS: Aye, a pure advert against drugs whatever

they were on.

COURTNEY: Mon see if we can find somewhere a bit more

private.


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ROSS AND COURTNEY GO THROUGH A TENEMENT ENTRANCE AND INTO A

SINGLE END FLAT.

PROJECTION: 1851. In this year the Emigration Act made

emigration more freely available to the poorest. A landlord

could secure a passage to Australia for a nominee at thecost of 1.

SHONA, A TALL RED-HEADED WOMAN IN HER EARLY TWENTIES, IS THERE WITH

HER HUSBAND, STEPHEN. STEPHEN IS STRIPPED TO THE WAIST AND IS

WASHING AT THE SINK IN FRONT OF A WINDOW. UNDETECTED, COURTNEY AND

ROSS WATCH THE SCENE.

SHONA: Hurry up you. I want to get the dishes done and

have the place spick and span for Heather and the

wean arriving.

STEPHEN: What about Jamie? Has he decided not to

come?

SHONA: Heathers letter said hes going straight to the

yard for a job.

STEPHEN: His luck should be in, that was another two

guys fell off the scaffolding this week.

SHONA: Stephen! You know I dont like you talking like

that.

STEPHEN: Thats what its like.

SHONA: Some days I stand at that window just watching

them gates, wondering whos going to be the next


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brought out on a stretcher. Or worse. Just praying

it isnt you.

STEPHEN: Dont go worrying about me. Im not daft.

SHONA: Neither was your brother. Dead at 22, what a

waste.

STEPHEN: Would you rather I didnt work and we starved to

death?

SHONA: Id rather go back home.

STEPHEN: Ah, your idyllic highland home.

SHONA: Aye. I miss the green fields, the heathered hills,

the high clear sky and the fresh air. Oh, how I

miss fresh air.

STEPHEN IS FINISHED WASHING. HE MOVES FROM THE SINK AND ALLOWS

SHONA TO LOAD IT WITH POTS AND DISHES.

STEPHEN: Shove your neb out the window, theres all the

fresh air you want out there.

SHONA: No. Thats the smell of soot and burning metal and

thousands of sweaty bodies. You dont get fresh

air in Grianaig.

STEPHEN: At least weve got indoor plumbing.


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SHONA: One sink and a toilet weve got to share with eight

other families.

STEPHEN: Inverclyde must have something if your sisters

left your precious highlands to come here. And

thatll be another family youre sharing the

cludgie with. Not to mention that sink.

SHONA: Jamiell soon have a job and they can get a place

of their own. And I cant wait to meet wee Robbie.

STEPHEN GOES, PASSING, BUT NOT SEEING, ROSS AND COURTNEY ON HIS

WAY.

ROSS: What a dump.

COURTNEY: Ssh!

ROSS: Whats going on eh night?

SHONA: Im preparing the house for my sister arriving

with her family.

COURTNEY: So you can see us?

SHONA: Im not blind.

ROSS: Is this, like the past or suhin? Are you a ghost?

SHONA: This is the future and though I sometimes


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feel like I have lost the life I loved, I havent

given up the ghost just yet.

ROSS: (TO COURTNEY)What the ..? Where even are we?

SHONA: This is Grianaig, Greenock.

COURTNEY: Grianaig?

SHONA: Grian Aig Sunny Bay. Thats what our highland

forebears named this place when they docked here.

ROSS: Sunny? Greenock? They mustve been

hallucinating, man.

HEATHER: (OFF-STAGE) Yoo-hoo. Anybody home?

SHONA IS DELIGHTED TO HEAR THE VOICE. SHE STRAIGHTENS HER CLOTHES

AND MEETS HER SISTER COMING IN. HEATHER IS YOUNGER THAN SHONA AND

IS HEAVILY PREGNANT AND CARRYING A BABY. THE BABY IS WEARING ONLY

ONE SHOE.

SHONA: (ABOUT PREGNANT BUMP) Nobody told me about

that.

HEATHER: I didnt know when I last wrote.

SHONA: And this must be Robbie. Wheres his other shoe?

HEATHER: He lost it on the boat. Everybody was calling

him Wee Robbie Wan Shoe.


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SHONA: Well have to get that sorted. Theres a cobblers

on the corner that does hand-made shoes.

HEATHER: We cant afford the likes of that.

SHONA: The old Russian that runs it has a soft spot for

the wee ones. Ill speak to him.

HEATHER SURVEYS THE CRAMPED SURROUNDINGS.

HEATHER: Where should I drop my bag.

SHONA: Anywhere you like. My palace is your palace.

HEATHER: Where are the bedrooms?

SHONA: Me and Stephen are over there (POINTS AT CORNER)

In the set-in. Hes cleared out that corner for

you, Jamie and the wean to set up. Or, should I

say, weans?

ROSS: Six o them living in the one room?

COURTNEY: Its bad enough sharing with my wee sister. I

swear if I see her wearing any mer o my gear Ill

drag her like shes never been dragged in her

life.

HEATHER AND ROBBIE DONT SEE OR HEAR ROSS AND COURTNEY. SHONA

IGNORES THEM.


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SHONA: How are things at home?

HEATHER AND SHONA SIT DOWN AND SHONA TAKES ROBBIE ON HER LAP. ROSS

AND COURTNEY LISTEN TO THE CONVERSATION.

HEATHER: Its terrible, Shona. Weve been living on

tatties for months. The old ones are predicting

another failed cop. Like when we were wee.

SHONA: How long ago was that?

HEATHER: The great failed potato crop of 1840.

SHONA: Has that been 11 years already?

HEATHER: The duke said we werent producing enough at the

croft and offered us the money to come here. Jamie

jumped at it. He said the landowners will always

get their way in the end. They wanted to send us to

Australia and Jamie was going to go. I said no, I

wanted to be with you.

SHONA: And Im glad you did. Its great to see you.

HEATHER: What have you been up to?

SHONA: Ive got a job.

HEATHER: Really?


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SHONA: All the women go to work round here. The ones that

dont have weans, anyway.

HEATHER: Sounds exciting.

SHONA: Selling groceries to women in fur coats is one

sure way of knowing how little youve got.

HEATHER: You dont sound happy.

SHONA: I will be now youre here. And this wee one.

SHONA HUGS ROBBIE TIGHTLY. HEATHER SURVEYS HER SURROUNDINGS: WHAT

HAS SHE GOT HERSELF INTO.

ROSS: This mob are frying my brain. Mon.

ROSS TAKES COURTNEY BY THE HAND AND LEADS HER OUT OF THE FLAT AND

INTO

A DIMLY LIT COBBLED STREET.

COURTNEY: Whits happing to us, man. Its like were in one

of them books that fat guy with the skelly eyes

used to read to us in the library in primary

school. Know them ones what was the guys name?

Dickens. Charles Dickens.

ROSS: If its the same fat guy with the skelly eye that

used to come to my school he wasnt called

Dickens.


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COURTNEY: Not the fat guy with the skelly eye, the guy that

wrote the books.

ROSS: Dickens. Thats a bumper name, man. Imagine

he was in our year the hassle hed get. Big Dick

Dickens, Vickie Dickens the Dick, pure (SINGS)

dick duckier dickens, write a little book for me.

Pure mental man.

RONNIE, A FISHERMAN IN HIS FORTIES AND DRESSED FROM THE EARLY

TWENTIETH CENTURY, COMES ALONG THE STREET.

PROJECTION: 1909. In this year the Old Age Pension Actfor a non-contributory pension for people over 70 was

enacted. It paid a weekly pension of 5 shillings, or 7shillings and 6 pence for married couples, to half a

million eligible people.

RONNIE: More foreigners! What god-forsaken land do

you come from dressed like that?

COURTNEY: Yer nae Gok Wan yourself.

RONNIE: And whats this garbled language you speak?

ROSS: Haw you. Drap the gash patter. We dont take

kindly to cheek round here.

RONNIE: Round here? What would you know about round

here?

ROSS: Ive lived in Gourock all my life. Thats whit.


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COURTNEY: Where you fae?

RONNIE POINTS INTO THE DISTANCE.

RONNIE: See that river?

COURTNEY: The Clyde, aye.

ROSS: Dyou know what they say? If you stand in

Inverclyde and you cannae see the Clyde its

cause its raining. If you can see the Clyde,

its gonnae rain.

RONNIE: Ive been fishing that river since

I was 12 and my familys been fishing it for over

100 years, but now these thieving immigrants are

helping themselves to our fish.

ROSS: Did yer mammy never tell you to share and

share alike?

RONNIE: How am I meant to support a wife and four children

when any Tony, Dirk or Paddy can throw a line in

and steal the food out of our mouths. My boat was

my fathers before me and his fathers before him

and I wanted to pass it on to my son. Every week

its like more and more immigrants come to

Scotland and take up fishing.

COURTNEY: Live and let live, mate, eh!


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RONNIE BECOMES ANGRY AND CHASES ROSS AND COURTNEY.

RONNIE: You cheeky wee

ROSS AND COURTNEY ESCAPE AND TAKE REFUGE IN A BUS SHELTER.

ROSS: Whats this all about, man?

COURTNEY: I think its about how folk ended up in

Inverclyde.

ROSS: Its weird. Pure doing my nut in.

COURTNEY: I think its interesting.

ROSS: I think theyre all aff their heids.

COURTNEY: How?

ROSS: Youd need to be aff yer heid to leave anywhere to

come here.

COURTNEY: You no been paying attention? The poor souls are

running away fae persecution and starvation.

ROSS: Howd they no run tae somewhere decent. Like

Disneyland or something?

COURTNEY: Its about a hunner and fifty years ago. There was

nae Disneyland.


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ROSS: Aw the same, Inverclyde?

COURTNEY: It looks like it was a pretty welcoming place to

me.

ROSS: Aye, one thing about the Scots, weve always been

pretty sociable.

A VOICE (ALDOS) COMES FROM THE DARKNESS.

ALDO: Thatll be right.

ALDO, A 12-YEAR-OLD BOY AND HIS YOUNGER SISTER, CARLA, DRESSED IN

THE STYLE OF THE 1940S COME ON.

PROJECTION: 1940. In this year when Italy entered thewar, Churchill suspected a fifth column of enemy nationalsliving in the UK and famously declared that they should

'Collar the lot!' Many Italians in Scotland were rounded up

and imprisoned.

ROSS: Whit you on about? Were pure friendly wi anybody

ya bam.

ALDO: Aye, till a fight breaks out.

ROSS: We dont start em, but were always going to

finish them.

ALDO: Want to prove it?

ALDO PUTS HIS FISTS UP LIKE A QUEENSBERRY RULES BOXER. ROSS LAUGHS.


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ROSS: (LAUGHING) Check out this bam.

CARLA: No fighting, please. I couldnt stand any

more fighting.

COURTNEY: Aye, drap it ya pair o dafties. (TO ALDO) What

year is it where youre living?

ALDO: 1940 of course.

COURTNEY: And whits your story?

ROSS: What are you on about? (MOCKING)Whits your

story?

COURTNEY: You not getting it? Everybody weve met the

nights got a story.

ROSS: Oh, right. (TO ALDO) Where do you come fae?

ALDO: Ann Street.

ROSS: No, where dyou really come fae. Where were you

born?

ALDO: Greenock.

ROSS: But yer maw an that, where they fae?

ALDO: My mother was born in Port Glasgow.


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ROSS: (TO COURTNEY) See, a pair o Port weans. Theyve

not got any story!

CARLA: If you mean where did our ancestors come from, it

was Italy.

ALDO: My daddys granda and his family came over from

Naples seventy years ago.

ROSS: So youre as Scottish as us?

CARLA: We thought so, till the fighting started.

COURTNEY: How, what happened?

ALDO: Mussolini threw his lot in with Hitler.

ROSS: That bastard?

ALDO: So anybody with an Italian name became fair game

for the vigilantes.

COURTNEY: What did they do to youse?

CARLA: The noise was horrible. Everywhere we were in

bed and suddenly there was noise everywhere the

caf down the stairs the windows got smashed

all the plates and the counters


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THE LIGHT FADES ON ROSS AND COURTNEY AND COMES UP ON A 1940S

CHILDRENS BEDROOM. ALDO AND CARLA TAKE REFUGE UNDER THE BED. THE

SOUND OF A MOB RIOTING BELOW THEM DRIFTS ON TO THE STAGE.

CARLA: Are they going to kill us?

ALDO: No, theyre just angry because of what Mussolini

said.

CARLA: What did he say?

ALDO: That he was taking Hitlers side in the war.

CARLA: But my daddy and uncle Ricardo are in the British

army. Were on Britains side.

THE NOISE OF THE MOB GETS LOUDER. SOME OF THE WORDS BECOME

DISCERNABLE.

MOB: (OFF-STAGE) Tallies out Fascists

CARLA: Are they going to take us away?

UNDER THE BED, ALDO WRAPS HIS ARM AROUND HIS FRIGHTENED LITTLE

SISTER.

ALDO: No, they wont harm us.

CARLA: But they took Granda.


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SUDDENLY THE RIOTING NOISES ARE INTERRUPTED BY POLICE WHISTLES AND

THE RIOTERS QUIETEN.

PROVOST: (OFF-STAGE) Listen up, all of you. We might

be at war with Italy but we cannot wage war on

women and children. All the alien men have been

rounded up

RIOTER: (OFF-STAGE) Theyre all tallies.

PROVOST: (OFF-STAGE) Anyone disobeying this

instruction will be arrested and locked up. We

have rounded up all the alien men. So go home to

your families and pray this war is over soon.

WE HEAR THE CROWD DISSIPATE AND ALDO AND CARLA CAUTIOUSLY EMERGE

FROM UNDER THE BED. ROSS AND COURTNEY JOIN THEM.

ROSS: Yawright, man?

COURTNEY: Whereve they took yer Granda?

CARLA: We dont know?

ALDO: Somebody said theyve got a place in the Isle

of Man where theyll keep them till the wars over.

ROSS: How come theyve took yer Granda but yer dad

and yer uncle are in the British army.

ALDO: Grandas not a British subject.


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COURTNEY: Bummer!

ROSS: Is your chippy still open? I could murder a

munchie box.

COURTNEY HITS ROSS ON THE ARM.

ROSS: Whit?

ALDO AND CARLA MERGE INTO THE DARKNESS THAT SURROUNDS THEIR BED.

ROSS: Dye know what Id hate most about living in the

past?

COURTNEY: Nae video games?

ROSS: Having tae go to work.

COURTNEY: Eh?

ROSS: That wee Italian guy working in the caf,

that mad fisherman talking about working when he

was 12. Did the weans never go out to play or that?

A 10-YEAR-OLD BOY DRESSED IN THE STYLE OF THE EARLY TWENTIETH

CENTURY, WEE BOB, RUNS ON AND TRIES TO PUSH BETWEEN ROSS AND

COURTNEY.

PROJECTION: 1901. In this year Irn Bru was invented.

ROSS: Oi, watch it.


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ROSS GRABS WEE BOB BY THE SCRUFF OF THE NECK.

WEE BOB: Let me go. Theyre after me.

COURTNEY LOOKS IN THE DIRECTION THAT WEE BOB CAME FROM.

COURTNEY: I cannae see anybody.

WEE BOB TRIES TO WRIGGLE FREE.

ROSS: Whos after you, wee man?

WEE BOB: Them. The doo men.

COURTNEY: The whit men?

ROSS: Doo men. Pigeon fanciers.

WEE BOB: Aye, them.

ROSS: What are they after you for?

WEE BOB: Let me go and Ill tell you.

ROSS: (SARCASM) Aye, right!

WEE BOB: Honest.

ROSS: (TO COURTNEY) What dye think?


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COURTNEY: (SHRUG) Nothing to lose.

ROSS RELEASES HIS GRIP ON WEE BOB. WEE BOB STRAIGHTENS HIS CLOTHES.

ROSS: Alright, whats the story?

WEE BOB: Me and my mates heard about this new stuff:

Iron Brew (ADVERTISING VOICE) the invigorating

and refreshing tonic beverage.

ROSS: I love a cheeky wee can of the brew.

COURTNEY: Diet?

WEE BOB: What would I want to change the colour o it

for?

ROSS: Thats no what shes talking about. But how

does Iron Brew get you into bother with the doo

men?

WEE BOB: Me and a couple of friends from up ma close

wanted to try Iron Brew, so we put all our money

together to get a bottle but it still wisnae

enough.

COURTNEY: Thats a wee shame.

ROSS: What dyou dae?

WEE BOB: I stole a bottle.


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ROSS: Class. Aff the doo men?

WEE BOB: Naw. Oot the shop. Whit would the doo men be

doing with Iron Brew?

COURTNEY: Curing a hangover?

ROSS: Never mind. How did you get fae nicking a

bottle of brew to getting chased by doo man?

WEE BOB: Give me a chance and Ill tell you.

COURTNEY: Be our guest.

WEE BOB: We drank the iron brew. It was delicious and

gave us loads o energy. So we went doon the fields

and kicked a ball about . . .

ROSS: (INTERRUPTING) Hold on, what year you living in?

WEE BOB: (TO COURTNEY) Is he serious? He doesnae know what

year it is?

COURTNEY: Do you?

WEE BOB: Aye! Its 1901.

ROSS: Did they even have fitba in 1901?


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WEE BOB: Aye, weve got two big teams - Port Glasgow and the

Morton.

ROSS: The Port? Aye, right.

WEE BOB: Did you no hear about the riot a couple o' years

back?

COURTNEY: A fitba riot?

WEE BOB: Aye look.

WEE BOB POINTS TOWARDS A LIGHT THAT PICKS OUT TWO MEN, RAB AND JOE,

IN THEIR EARLY TWENTIES RUNNING INTO A PUB. WITH THE SOUND OF

RIOTING OUTSIDE, COURTNEY, ROSS AND WEE BOB WATCH . . .

PROJECTION: 1898. In this year Queen Victoria was on thethrone and Robert Cecil, Marques of Salisbury, was the

Conservative Prime Minister.

RAB: I thought we were done for there.

JOE: Did you see that big bruiser with the broken

bottle?

RAB: I was too busy keeping an eye on the wee wan

with the knife.

JOE: Whats the game coming to?

RAB: If footballs going to bring the worst out in folk

like this, theyd be better taking a knife to the

baw right now.


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JOE: And what would we do wi our Saturday

efternoons? Go tae the shops or hang about the

mooth o the close gossiping wi the women?

RAB: Good point. Anyway its no really about the

game, its like two tribes, the Greenock wans and

the Port wans, going to war.

JOE: Aye. And we cannae let the cads spoil the

game.

THE LIGHT FADES ON JOE AND RAB AND WE ARE BACK WITH ROSS, COURTNEY

AND WEE BOB.

ROSS: Man, a fitba riot in Greenock!

WEE BOB: The first football riot ever in

Scotland!

ROSS: At last: suhin this place can boast about.

COURTNEY: Dont be stupit, we should be embarrassed

about that.

ROSS: Only if we got beat. (TO WEE BOB) Who won?

WEE BOB: I dont know but 34 got the jail.


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COURTNEY: Forget the hooligan history lesson. You were

telling us about how you ended up getting chased

by the doo men.

WEE BOB: Oh aye. Right . . . after the kick-about we found a

bit of rope found it where it wasnae lost if you

get my drift and chucked it over a tree to make a

swing. (LAUGHS)Tuck came right aff and landed in

the stream.

COURTNEY: (IMPATIENT) And thats when the doo men

showed up?

WEE BOB: (TO ROSS) Does she ever shut up?

ROSS: Just cut to the chase, wee man.

WEE BOB: Tuck went hame greetin and the rest of us

walked over the field. And thats when we spotted

it . . .

COURTNEY: Spotted what?

WEE BOB: The strangest looking hut we ever saw in our

lives. It was like a hut close. You know, all high

stretching up like it was going to scrape the sky.

ROSS: So, did you knock it doon?


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WEE BOB: Naw, we went in. It was full of manky

pigeons.

ROSS: Rats with wings.

WEE BOB: And all these old guys cracked up and started

swearing at us. We done a bunk and split up.

ROSS: (UNIMPRESSED) Is that it?

WEE BOB: Aye.

WEE BOB KICKS ROSS ON THE SHIN AND RUNS OFF. ROSS HOPS AROUND

HOLDING HIS INJURED ANKLE.

ROSS: (AFTER WEE BOB) Ya dirty wee . . .

A LIGHT PICKS OUT A SNOGGING COUPLE AT A BUS STOP.

COURTNEY: Hey, look at this pair.

THE COUPLE 20-YEAR-OLD GERMAN MAN, MACH, AND 18-YEAR-OLD RED-

HAIRED IRISH WOMAN, THERESA - COME OUT OF THEIR CLINCH AS COURTNEY

AND ROSS APPROACH THEM.

PROJECTION: 1870. In this year The Elementary EducationAct set the framework for schooling of all children

between ages of 5 and 12.

MACH: (IN GERMAN ACCENT) No trouble. Please.


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ROSS: Nae bother, big man.

COURTNEY: Im Courtney. Hes Ross.

THERESA: (IRISH ACCENT) I am Theresa.

ROSS: (LAUGHING, AS MRS DOYLE) Go on, go on, go on,

go on, go on.

THERESA: (TO COURTNEY) Is he okay?

COURTNEY: Naw!

COURTNEY PUNCHES ROSS ON THE ARM AGAIN.

ROSS: Whit? (LAUGHING, TO THERESA) Dye dae the

Riverdance?

ROSS DOES HIS OWN VERSION OF IRISH DANCING AND SINGS HIS OWN

DIDDLE-DEE ACCOMPANIMENT.

THERESA: Poor soul.

COURTNEY: (NODDING AT MACH) And whos this big hunk?

MACH: Mein name ist Mach.

COURTNEY: Where youse fae?

THERESA AND MACH ANSWER AT THE SAME TIME.


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MACH: Germany. THERESA: Ireland.

ROSS: Yes better have your story better than that if

the polis ask.

THERESA: Im from Donegal in Ireland and Mach is from

Hamburg in Germany.

ROSS: (LAUGH) Haw. Big man does that make you a

hamburger.

MACH: Ja, ich bin ein Hamburger.

ROSS FINDS THIS HILARIOUS.

ROSS: Haw, hes a Hamburger and hes called Mach. Hes a

Big Mach. Nae salad please!

COURTNEY: Where does somebody fae Donegal meet a guy fae

Hamburg?

THERESA: Port Glasgow.

ROSS: Of course!

COURTNEY: Thats pure romantic, so it is.

ROSS: Naw, Im not buying that. Youre fae Germany

and shes fae Ireland and you just happen to get

aff the boat up the Port and meet the wummin o yer

dreams. Nah.


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MACH: It wasnt that simple.

ROSS: Go on, then. Were no in a hurry.

MACH: (GERMAN ACCENT) I came to Scotland for

a better life. I came with my four brothers.

AS MACH SPEAKS, THE LIGHTS GO UP ON A SHOP INTERIOR (CIRCA 1845) AND

THERESA TAKES UP POSITION BEHIND THE COUNTER, SORTING THINGS TO

OPEN THE SHOP.

MACH: We were looking for a job and a better life. After

a month on the boat we finally tied up and got off.

I thought we were in America, but it was Port

Glasgow.

ROSS: Nae luck, big man.

COURTNEY: Shut up you. (TO MACH) How did you meet yer

girlfriend?

MACH: We were surrounded by shipyards. It looked like

hard work, but it was a way to get food on the

table. We went there but met a crowd of

immigrants, many of them from Deutschland,

shouting and protesting.


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FROM OFF-STAGE WE HEAR A CROWD CHANT: WE WANT WORK, WE WANT WORK

. . .

ROSS: And the ginger Irish bird was one of the rioters?

COURTNEY HITS ROSS A PUNCH ON THE ARM TO SHUT HIM UP.

MACH: I said to one of the German protesters: why are you

not getting a job? He told me: because the

highlanders got here before us and took the

shipyarding jobs, the best paid jobs in the area.

After three days, I went in the kitchen and there

was no food there so I took my last money and went

to the shop. As soon as I walked in I saw the most

beautiful woman on the counter.

MACH GOES INTO THE SHOP AND STANDS ACROSS THE COUNTER FROM THERESA.

COURTNEY: Her?

MACH: Theresa, yes. But I didnt know that was her name

and I was too shy to ask.

COURTNEY: Thats dead romantic. I can see the movie now:

Machs played by Daniel Craig or that and Theresa

is, like, her fae Australia, whats her name, you

know in the Chanel advert.

ROSS: Oh, aye, 'cause I watch all that pish!


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COURTNEY: (TO MACH) What happened next?

MACH: I got eggs, milk, sugar and bread. I was nervous as

she took everything from me and counted it up.

When she was finished, I didnt have enough money.

I told her and she said in thick Irish brogue

THERESA: (IRISH ACCENT) What you have will be enough.

MACH: I was very thankful and when I walked out the shop

I said to myself that is one fine woman. I saw on

the door workers needed here. I was too nervous

to ask there and then, but I went back another day

to try get a job. This time it was a small old man

he said he was always away and there was only one

staff. I said yes, the red-haired woman. He

said that was her. Well I will give you a one day

trial tomorrow with Theresa. Thats her name. And

thats how I met the woman I am going to marry.

THERESA COMES FROM BEHIND THE COUNTER AND TAKES MACHS HAND AND

THEY WANDER OFF INTO THE DARKNESS TOGETHER. COURTNEY WATCHES THEM

DREAMILY.

ROSS: Heeds, Jakey alert.

COURTNEY LOOKS TO SEE THAT ROSS IS POINTING AT A RAGGED MAN (22-

YEAR-OLD VINCENT) ON A BENCH CLUTCHING A BOTTLE OF ALCOHOL.

PROJECTION: 1827. In this year George Canning a Whigpolitician and self-proclaimed Irishman born in London

succeeds Lord Liverpool as British Prime Minister.


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ROSS: Gies a slug, mate.

ROSS AND COURTNEY SIT DOWN WITH VINCENT AND HE HANDS ROSS HIS

BOTTLE. ROSS TAKES A DRINK AND OFFERS THE BOTTLE TO COURTNEY.

COURTNEY: (REFUSING THE BOTTLE) Get real.

ROSS GIVES THE BOTTLE BACK TO VINCENT.

ROSS: Dyou know what the barman said to the horse?

VINCENT: (IRISH ACCENT) What would that be?

ROSS: Why the long face?

VINCENT: I hate it here.

ROSS: Theres a bus stop over there.

COURTNEY: How, whats up, mate?

VINCENT: Me and my little brother, Jack, came here from

Dublin. I got a job in the sugar refineries and

Jack is in the church school. Hes made friends

and settled in. But I havent. My work is

dangerous and our flat is small, cramped and


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smells awful. Many of the people I work with dont

want to talk to the Irish.

COURTNEY: How no?

VINCENT: We all get tarred with the same brush as the

bad ones.

ROSS: Bad yins? What dae they get up to?

THE LIGHT FADES ON THE TRIO AND PICKS OUT MARY AND SIOBHAN, BOTH IN

THEIR MID-THIRTIES AND DRESSED IN THE STYLE OF NINETEENTH CENTURY

MILL WORKERS.

MARY: Cmon, Kerrs getting hung the day.

SIOBHAN: That John Kerr that was living up the stair

fae youse?

MARY: Aye, we better get doon the Mid Kirk as fast

as we can. I want a good view.

SIOBHAN AND MARY JOIN A CROWD WAITING FOR A HANGING AND JOCKEY FOR A

VANTAGE POINT AMID THE NOISE OF AN IMPATIENT CROWD.

MARY: Can you see his face?

SIOBHAN: Look at him, Mary. Thats what evil looks

like.

MARY: His poor wife. Murdered in her ain hoose!


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SIOBHAN: I hope he swings high. For all the women that

have to put up with his kind.

MARY: I wouldnt like to give that hangman a cold

dinner.

SIOBHAN: Whats that theyre giving him?

MARY: Looks like wine.

SIOBHAN: I suppose hes as well going out of this life

the way he lived in it.

MARY: (AMUSED) Aye, drunk.

SIOBHAN: Theres the hood going on.

MARY: Hes no long for this earth noo.

SIOBHAN: And the noose.

MARY BLESSES HERSELF WITH THE SIGN OF THE CROSS.

SIOBHAN: Dont waste your prayers on the likes o him?

MARY: (LYING) Ahm no!

THERE IS A MOMENT OF SILENCE THEN THE SOUND OF THE TRAP OPENING AND

THE CROWD GASPS. THE SHOW OVER, THE CROWD DISPERSES.


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MARY: His poor wife can rest in peace now.

THE LIGHT SHIFTS TO PICK OUT COURTNEY, ROSS AND VINCENT.

VINCENT: (IRISH ACCENT) An Irishman will never get a fair

trial here.

COURTNEY: He killed his wife but.

VINCENT: So they say. Nobody was there to witness

it.

COURTNEY: Hanging was too good for him.

VINCENT RUBS HIS NECK.

VINCENT: I wonder what excuse theyll find to do away

with me.

ROSS: Och, well, it was nice meeting you, my man.

ROSS GETS UP AND WALKS AWAY FROM THE BENCH, COURTNEY RELUCTANTLY

FOLLOWS HIM.

COURTNEY: We cannae leave him like that.

ROSS: How no?

COURTNEY: The state hes in, he could commit suicide or

anything.


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ROSS: Theres nothing we can do about that.

COURTNEY: We could try.

ROSS: Nae point. Hes living, what, about a

hunner years before were born?

COURTNEY: Aye.

ROSS: So we cannae alter the course of his life.

COURTNEY: Can we no?

ROSS: Nah. Ye cannae start messin aboot with the

space-time-continuum.

COURTNEY: I suppose not.

COURTNEY LINKS ARMS WITH ROSS AND THEY WALK OUT OF THE DARKNESS

INTO A BRIGHT STREET. THEY SEE THE KAMINSKI SISTERS, STANDING AT

THE ENTRANCE TO A COBBLERS SHOP.

ROSS: Haw, look who it is. That mad Russian mob with the

Bush granny.

COURTNEY: The Kaminskis.

ROSS: Look at the sign, man: Kaminski shoemakers and

cobblers.


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COURTNEY: They got their own shop just like the auld

dear said.

ROSS: They must be minted.

COURTNEY: So how come theyre aw looking pure glum?

AS THE LIGHTS GO DOWN ON COURTNEY AND ROSS, THE KAMINSKI SISTERS

BECOME ACTIVE.

DOMINIKA: It makes me so sad that Babushka never saw

Russia again.

HAZEL: But she had happy years here.

VALERIYA: Yes, the people of Inverclyde have

welcomed the Jews with open arms.

HAZEL: She said the day that the Cathcart Street

Synagogue opened was one of the happiest of

her life.

VALERIYA: And now she is to be buried alongside that

synagogue.

DOMINIKA: Alongside friends. Jews who came here from

all over Europe.

HAZEL: She was happy here.


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DOMINIKA: She helped us build a new life. We are

Scottish Jews now. I have no memory of

Moscow.

HAZEL: And I have no wish to see it again.

VALERIYA: Thank you Babushka.

DOMINIKA: Lchaim, Granny.

THE LIGHT FADES ON THE KAMINSKIS AND WE SEE COURTNEY AND ROSS.

ROSS: I never knew we had a pure synagogue in

Cathcart Street.

COURTNEY: Its no there anymer.

ROSS: How no? Is it a bingo hall noo or suhin?

COURTNEY: Mibbe it got bombed during the blitz; yknow

that stuff Mr Crawley told us about in

history.

ROSS: Old creepy! I never went to his class. He

gave me the well, the creeps!

COURTNEY: Poor things. Coming all this way to escape

persecution and Hitler still managed to

knock doon their synagogue.

ROSS: Thats heavy solid.


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COURTNEY: Pure.

ROSS: I wonder how the rest o the wans we met

got on.

COURTNEY: Aye, I wonder if Shona and Heather ever

went back to the Highlands. And wee Robbie

Wan Shoe.

THE LIGHT FADES ON COURTNEY AND ROSS AND ANOTHER COMES UP ON

HEATHERS ROOM AND KITCHEN. SHONA IS KNEELING AT A TIN BATH FULL OF

APPLES FLOATING IN WATER. AS SHE BENDS DOWN TOWARDS THE APPLES,

HEATHER PUSHES HER FACE INTO THE WATER. THE TWO WOMEN LAUGH.

SHONA: (LAUGHING) Its just like when we were

weans.

HEATHER: Aye, its like weve brought a bit of

the Highlands to Inverclyde.

SHONA: Made our mark.

THERE IS A KNOCK AT THE DOOR AND AN ELDERLY NEIGHBOUR, ISA, COMES IN

CARRYING A LARGE DUMPLING.

ISA: Halloween wouldnae be complete without a

dumpling.

SHONA: Have you put trinkets in it?


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ISA: A button for a bachelor, a pea, a ring and a

silver thrupenny.

HEATHER: Braw, but we have to get ready for

the weans and their galoshins.

ISA: I remember when I was wee my galoshins was always a

right good song and dance routine. (SINGS OUT OF

TUNE)

Oh ye'll tak' the high road

and I'll tak' the low road,

An' I'll be in Scotland before ye',

But wae is my heart until we meet again

On the Bonnie, bonnie ...

HEATHER: (INTERRUPTING) Aye, thats lovely Isa, but we

have to get ready before wee Robbie and the rest of

the weans get in fae school.

SHONA: Theres this Halloween game Ive heard about.

Sounds like a good laugh: Treacle Scones.

HEATHER: How does it go?

SHONA: You cover a scone with treacle and hang it fae the

door frame wi a bit o string. The weans have to

try and eat the whole thing without using their

hands.

ISA: That sounds braw.


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SHONA: This is going to be the best Halloween ever.

HEATHER: Even though its down here?

SHONA: Dyou think well ever go back to the Highlands?

HEATHER: No. Theres nothing left for us there. This is our

home now.

SHONA: Aye, our weans are Greenockians now.

ISA: And theres nothing wrong with that.

SHONA: True.

THE LIGHT PICKS OUT COURTNEY AND ROSS.

COURTNEY: Och, thats nice; they got a happy ending.

ROSS: Somehow I think weve only seen their start.

COURTNEY: Our start as well, if you think about it.

ROSS: Head for the bus?

COURTNEY: Okay.

AS ROSS AND COURTNEY WALK OFF STAGE THEY PASS Mrs MacDONALD, A

RUDDY AND RUGGED WOMAN OF 60 AND WEARING A HEAVY WOOL COAT,

CARRYING A BASKET OVER HER ARM. SHE SPEAKS DIRECTLY TO THE

AUDIENCE.


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Mrs MacDONALD: My name is Margaret MacDonald you

can call me Mrs MacDonald. I live with my

husband of 40 years on our dairy farm in

Kilmacolm. We have four children three

girls and a boy - two grandchildren and a

great grandchild. My husbands family has

owned our farm for over 300 years. We have 10

acres.

About a mile down the road some immigrants

have set up a small, cramped encampment: no

wonder they carry disease. As a Christian

woman I like to do my bit, so I make daily

trips with milk and eggs to help them out.

Its not a lot but it helps. With a big farm,

I decided that we could give some of them

work. One worker really stood out for me an

Irish woman called June. Her story reminded

me of my own childhood and reminded me not to

take my comfortable life for granted. Not

all the immigrants are a joy to work with.

Some of the men are drunks. There are lots of

different ethnic groups coming to Scotland

right now. Most are just looking for a

better life. Were all Jock Tamsons Bairns

after all.

Mrs MacDONALD CONTINUES HER JOURNEY. COURTNEY AND ROSS ARRIVE BACK

IN THE 21ST

CENTURY AND AT THEIR BUS STOP.

PROJECTION: Now, at a bus stop not far from here.


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THERE IS A QUEUE WAITING IN THE SHELTER HAZEL KAMINSKI, SHONA

(COMPLETE WITH ONE-SHOED BABY IN HER ARMS), ALDO, MACH AND THERESA

IN EACH OTHERS ARMS. ALL ARE IN MODERN CLOTHES. ROSS AND COURTNEY

LOOK AT THEM CURIOUSLY.

ROSS: (TO MACH) Haw, are you that mad German

guy?

MODERN MACH: What you talking about, daftie?

COURTNEY: (TO HAZEL) Youre Hazel, arent you? I

met you with your sisters when youse just got

here. Before yer dad opened his shop.

MODERN HAZEL: I dont know what youre on about, my faither

doesnae own any shop.

COURTNEY: (TO ALDO) Yours does, right? A chippy!

MODERN ALDO: Naw.

ROSS: (TO SHONA) I know who you are; Shona, right?

MODERN SHONA: My names Louise, but I dont see what

its got tae dae wi you.

ROSS: (TO SHONA) This wee guy is Robbie Wan

Shoe but.

MODERN SHONA: This wee guy is a lassie!


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ROSS AND COURTNEY LOOK AT EACH OTHER: WHAT IS GOING ON?

ROSS: (TO BUS QUEUE) Awrite, wan question: where

yes aw fae?

BUS QUEUE: (SHOUT IN UNISON)Inverclyde!

THE END

Documents

Identity: The Play (Script)