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So. Café happened.
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May 1 2 , 2 01 4 I s s ue 1 4
International House Globe2
Cafe Down - Ball To Go/ page 3
Facts From The Road/Tracks / page 4
Aboriginal Songs / page 6
Births, Deaths & Marriages / page 7
ICAC Report/ page 7
A Week Of Cafe Panic / page 8
Off Key To Science/ page 10
Little Shop of Horrors : Backstage / page 11
Arctic Monkeys Review / page 12
Rowing Preparations/ page 13
It’s Soccer, Not Football / page 14
What Grinds My Gears / page 15
Eurovision Red Carpet 2014 / page 15
Super Fun Games / page 16
Table of contents
IH GLOBELITTLE SHOP! LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS!
When IH Tutes are cancelled for Café Week(whenatih.tumblr.com)
The Globe is published weekly by Rosie Marsland on behalf of the International House Student Club. The material here is edited but uncensored and therefore the views expres-sed here do not reflect those of the editor. Please share
your ideas, opinions, ads and skills with us by emailing us at [email protected]
The Globe acknowledges the Wurrundjeri people as the traditional owers of this land. We pay our respects to their
elders, past and present.
Editor
Rosie Marsland
Sub-Editors
Emma Randles
Aleqiu Coeur
Design
Miguel Lontoc
Photography
Alexandre Guérin
Rena Li Yuet Tuen
The Internet
Contributions
Alexandre Guérin
Evangeline Dowling
Rahul Ingle
Sameer Jalees
Bridget Loughead
Rosie Marsland
Khaya Mpehle
Sophie Sievert-Kloster
Tom Soh
Emily Vearing
Chris Zhao
SPECIAL THANKS TO THE GLOBE TEAM
May 12, Issue 14 3
CAFE DOWN - BALL TO GOLadies and Gentlemen, welcome back to another soul crus-
hing week of uni, As I write this I am looking forward to Café;
by the time you read this, you will most likely have experien-
ced first hand the culmination of weeks and weeks of effort.
A big congratulations to all who contributed to the night. A
special thanks from me for raising all that MONEY!!!! It will be
put to good use creating the Presidential Beach House.
Now, I understand that you all may feel lost now that Café is
over, but believe me when I say, there is still much more to do
FROM THE EDITOR XIVHello my lovely exhausted IHers,
No doubt this Monday seems surreal to a lot of us – no Café prep to do,
whaaaaat!? But never fear, now we have Ball to prep for! Whether it’s deco,
finding the perfect-fitting suit, the prettiest dress or readying your body for the
free flow of alcohol that may be about to enter it next week, you definitely bet-
ter be thinking about the madness that is Ball, as it will be imminently upon us.
But before that, ICAC musical! I have seen the crazy amount of rehearsals,
run-throughs and meeting those pandas that are involved in musical have had
to do, ON TOP OF Café stuff and study. If you think you have it hard, just talk to
Bridget, Jon or Miguel about what they’ve been up to lately… But I am entirely
sure that it will all be worth it on the nights of the performances! So go get
yourselves a ticket if you haven’t already, it’s gonna be awesome (and you may
even see Yours Truly doing Front of House!)
Life. College. Crazy.
around here. We need to get started on ball preparations.
Cafe is about money, ball is about fun. Decorations for ball
need to happen within this week. Everyone who has any kind
of artistic talent should be helping. Ball is the best night of
the year, help us make it that way. Also, if you have not bou-
ght your ball ticket yet, you need to do so NOW.
And if you want to do something easier, just a short respite
from your studies, get around rowing this weekend! PC’s BBQ
and fun guaranteed. So get your button in gear, blast throu-
gh the week and I’ll see you around.
So while the mystical adventure that was Café took us through a ride through the Orient and taught many of our lovely guests a
thing or two about each country (SEE how to do ‘authentic’ accents of each nation) we at Globe thought it was time to learn a few
fun facts. You can feel free to whip these out at your next dinner party to wow those around you (SEE when you’re at dinner and
you’ve exhausted the subject of CaterCare’s “special fried rice” and awkwardly need to find something else to talk about).
So here are some facts from the road of savvy travellers who have visited the magical lands via the Orient Express (SEE expensive
Eurostar trips or squishy AirAsia flights).
England
- Home of Lizzy, Queen of England and the highest obesity rate in the EU.
- England is 59 times smaller than Australia and consumes the most amount of tea per capita in the world (2.5 times more than the
Japanese and 22 times more than the American or the French). It’s true, David Moore loves drinking tea and Michael Elliot-Jones
did show off this skill in his O-Week video.
CafE International 2014:Facts from the road / tracks
WRITER: Maggie Greenham
France
- Home of Louis XIX who reigned for just 20 minutes and the
loneliest stop sign in the world (there’s only one in the whole
of Paris).
- France is the most visited country in the world with 83 million
tourists in 2012. It doesn’t just attract people though. Many left
France to conquer the world with France controlling 8% of the
globe at one stage.
- My personal favourite and I’m sure the favourite of anyone
who has ever studied French, is that potato in French literally
translates to ‘apple of the ground’. Classic Frenchies.
Italy
- Home of the thermometer and two Micro states; San Marino
and the Vatican
- Pizza is one of the most understood words all over the world,
as I’m sure we all can imagine.
- The ice cream cone is an Italian invention. I truly thank whoe-
ver made it so we can now enjoy the wonders of gelati in a
waffle cone. Mmmmm…
Germany
- Home of over 300 kinds of bread and over 1,000 kinds of sausages.
- We can thank the Germans for inventing the tradition of the Christmas tree and struggle over saying, ‘Donaudampfschifffahrtse-
lektrizitätenhauptbetriebswerkbauunterbeamtengesellschaft’ (79 letters), their longest word.
- And Rowan, the most popular German surname is Müller!
China
- Home of over 45 billion new chopsticks every year and the
world’s first paper money from over 1,400 years ago.
- Fortune cookies are not a traditional Chinese custom. They
were invented in early 1900 in San Francisco. Also 1 in every
3 socks you have were made in the district of Datang in Zhuji,
China, now known as “Sock City”.
South Korea
- Home to the unlucky number 4 and smiling rooves.
- When you are born in South Korea, you are considered a year
old. This means that you age faster by a year if you are a South
Korean compared to a westerner.
- The OECD (Organization for Economic Co-operation and
Development) has declared South Korea as the country with
the highest estimated national IQ. Good job, guys!
Thailand
- Home of the world’s largest gold Buddha, the largest crocodi-
le farm, the largest restaurant, the longest single-span suspen-
sion bridge, and the world’s hairiest child.
- Noppakun Wongsrinoppakun is not a real IH chant. It is our
beloved Tae’s name.
- One-tenth of all animal species on Earth live in Thailand in-
cluding the native Siamese cat which leads to me to one of my
favourite fun facts; if you stick a Siamese cat in the freezer it
will turn black.
India
- Home of the world’s largest democracy with a whopping 1.2
billion people and the world’s largest family; a man with 39
wives and 94 children.
- India’s Hindu calendar includes six seasons; spring, summer,
monsoon, autumn, winter and prevernal. Personally I think
Melbourne need to implement something similar to describe
it’s weather because we all know 4 just doesn’t do the trick.
- For all you hipsters out there India is where it’s at as Police
officers in one state in India are given a slight pay upgrade for
having a moustache.
International House Globe6
Top of the week to you, citizens of IH! Hope that you’ve had a wonderful time these weeks especially with our amazing Café
International being such a success! The talent of our college cohort really is inspirational. The culture, the dances and the music
definitely standout!
However did you know that music and dance also play an integral role in Indigenous culture? In both social and ceremonial ob-
servances, Indigenous song and dance spans millennia of individual and collective history of the Indigenous people to the present
day.
Ceremonial performances are seen as the core of cultural life. For example, for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islanders, these ceremo-
nies bring together all aspects of their culture – song, dance, body decoration, sculpture and painting.
Songs underline the principle of sharing that underlies Indigenous practice. Songs make up a song series which is a map of the
country based on the travels of the Dreaming ancestors, referencing specific local areas, geographic features, local animal species
and even historical events. They even say in a ceremonial context, songs have a non-human origin, old powerful Dreaming stories
said to be been created by the Dreaming beings themselves as they created the country in its present form. In addition to song,
Indigenous dance is a unique aspect of the ceremonies which is learnt and passed down one generation to another. The term
‘Corroboree’ is commonly used in general Australian culture to refer to Australian Aboriginal dances. Taught from an early age, to
dance is to be knowledgeable about the stories of the ancestral heroes and aimed to present to reality of the Dreamtime. Often
the actions of particular animals would be imitated and performances were also associated with specific places.
Probably the most notable of the Indigenous instruments is the hallmark Didgeridoo. One of the oldest instruments to date, the
didgeridoo is a hollowed out tube traditionally made of eucalyptus wood. While it was traditionally mostly played by Aboriginal
groups in the Northern areas it quickly became considered as the iconic national instrument of the Australian Aborigines. Played
by continuously vibrating the lips to produce the distinctive drone, the sound of the didgeridoo has been described as an aural
kaleidoscope of timbres. The instrument itself may be painted or left undecorated. Some didgeridoo makers of non-Indigenous
Australian descent may leave the instrument blank for an Indigenous Australian artist to decorate at a later stage.
Clapsticks are also commonly used in Indigenous traditional music. Unlike drumsticks, which are used to strike a drum, clapsticks
are intended for striking one stick on another. Together with the rhythm of the didgeridoo, the beat of the clapsticks are precise
and the patterns have been handed for many generations.
We at IH are probably the most privileged of all to have our own didgeridoo player, Declan – Elhage, who will be giving us the
delight of playing for the college at community dinner this week so keep an eye, or an ear out, for that distinctive didgeridoo tone!
Aboriginal MusicWRITER: Chris Zhao
May 12, Issue 14 7
ICAC REPORT: CHESS & CArDSBy inika reinhardt
Last Sunday, the IH chess and cards team looked suave in their
suits and snapbacks as they took their places with the other colle-
ges at Newman. Food was consumed, facebook friends were made
and poker faces were adorned to the soundtrack of a live pianist
from one of our neighbours at Whitley. Chris, On, Harley and Tom
made us proud in the poker with On in the final showdown before
the finals. Pratyush and Vivian played amazingly in chess, Vivian
got through to the quarterfinals and played the most intense game
of chess I have ever seen! She had me clutching the arms of the
people around me but with four seconds on the clock, she was
unluckily beaten. It was a great night, only exceeded by theatre
sports last night, which was the final ICAC event for this semester
but never fear, ICAC will be back after the break!
Births:
Zoe Moorman and the Cafe International Team would like to
announce the birth of
The IH Bollywood star
Vesna Joshi
10/05/14
This girl was a surprise birth and everyone is in awe of her dan-
cing talents.
Deaths:
Boon Han and the International House Tutors would like to an-
nounce the death of
International House tutorials
5/05/14
This death was not a particularly sad occasion at IH, however
an even more sad occasion will soon occur with their revival on
the 12/05/14.
Marriages:
Facebook and unsuspecting IHers, would like to inform the
community of the marriage of
Liam Crosbie and Jack McClure to Facebook hacks.
08/05/14
The boys are having an extremely successful marriage although
during the wedding, many embarrassing photos were unear-
thed.
Births, Deaths & MarriagesBy Evie Dowling
SNAPCHAT
SNAPCHAT OF THE WEEKGabe getting creative with a sleeping JP.Send more snaps, yo! Add ihglobeyo :D
International House Globe8
LITTLE SHOP OFHORRORS CONTINUEDSecond performance con-tinues tonight at 7:30pm in the Union Theatre. Seriously, there’s a giant talking plant - what more do I need to say. There should be a big group of IHers going - talk to Inika about this one!
MONDAY TUESDAY
13 WEDNESDAY
14THURSDAY
15WHITLEY DINNER SWAPIf you feel like mingling with our neighbours in the donut, make sure to sign up for the Whitley dinner swap on Nexus.
LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS OPENING NIGHTCome along and support Bridget, Jonathan, Ma-halia and Miguel and the plethora of talent that is the ICAC Musical Cast and Crew! Come see Miguel for purchasing tic-kets or more information (plus, you can receive his eternal love with every purchase).
A WEEK OFTIME TRAVEL: SEPARATING SCIENCE FACT FROM SCIENCE FICTIONInterested in time travel? Come along to this free lecture with Professor Al-Khalili at 8pm at The Spot to learn all about how to construct a time machine. For more infor-mation, visit the UniMelb website.
MUSIC NIGHT COOR-DINATOR / SATADAL COORDINATORApplications close for the above positions tonight at 11:59pm! Make sure you get your nominations in to Amanda!
12
May 12, Issue 14 9
ROWING REGATTA!Come on down to the Yarra to watch our IH rowers smash the othr colleges today at the intercollegiate rowing re-gatta from 7am - 12pm! PC BBQ included!
LAW WEEKAn annual festival pre-sented by the Victoria Law Foundation dedica-ted to all things law-re-lated will be taking place all week, so make sure to check out the website for more information!
BALL TICKETSBall tickets are still on sale, so make sure to purchase your ticket from the back of the dining hall if you haven’talready.
LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS TICKETSWill be sold all week at Union House by the theatre bar from 12-2pm, manned either by Alana, the Producer or your very own Miguel! Yay!
FRIDAY
16SATURDAY
17 18ALL WEEK
:DLITTLE SHOP OFHORRORS MATINEEAND GALA NIGHTToday is your last chance to bear witness to the amazing host of talent contained wi-thin the ICAC Musical! 2pm matinee performance and 8pm Gala Night, with a free glass of wine plus a touch of class!
SUNDAY
ICAC MUSICALCIA WEEKER APPLICATIONS DUEWant to be involved in the organisation of CIA Week (that really epic version of P-Week in se-mester two)? Make sure to send your CIA Weeker applications to Maggie at [email protected] by midnight tonight. Freshers and seniors are both welcome to apply!
International House Globe10
Today was one of those cool autumns. The leaves were ta-
king off from home. The wind coerced them to take such a
leap, and the leaves, in their blissful ignorance, only found
themselves in the clutches of gravity, never to be as high as
they once stood. But In my selfishness, I take joy in such a
show. The drifting leaves raining down softly, in their elegant
way and the small oscillations the wind instigates in my clo-
thes, makes the cold worth it; perfectly so.
It was on a quintessential day like this, Friday for precision’s
sake, that I was introduced by an acquaintance of mine to
another fellow. As with every encounter at the University, we
consulted the formula “what is your major?” for a conversa-
tion starter. My acquaintance said maths, whilst mine was
physics. This newly met fellow replied, in the most humble,
respecting and genuinely inquisitive manner ,”You know, I
don’t truly get the appeal of majoring in just pure maths or
physics on their own; I mean, you can have too much of a
good thing.”, which struck a chord in me. Instead of taking
this as a slight, it gave me an opportunity to reflect on the
other things I find interesting. So I will not talk about science.
I will talk about natural philosophy, its history to be exact.
I want to talk about something unusual, something you
wouldn’t expect of me. Natural philosophy, the study of the
physical principles of nature, is a subject off key from science,
although from which science evolved, I find truly fascinating.
A natural question when tracing its history: where to start?
I’ll take you from where I started, around 600 BC when the
‘Greek Miracle” came to be. In a coastal area of Greece, Ionia,
certain thinkers, the Ionians, were beginning to construct a
nature that could be described in terms of a rational, funda-
mental principle- an Arché. The truly peculiar thing about
this is that it rose amidst the common view that nature was
based on the whims and moods of Gods and Goddesses,
personified with the same irrationalities as us. Now who were
they, and just what were they thinking?
Thales is the first that comes to mind, whom thought that
OFF KEY TO SCIENCEThe history of natural science is,
simply put, awesome.WRITER: Khaya Mphele
water was the arche, the fundamental thing, of nature. But
maybe I’m not being precise. Water comprised everything,
and everything is, at the most fundamental level, ‘water’
with different qualities (that is qualities like hotness, cold-
ness, hardness), but still fundamentally no different to ‘wa-
ter’. My intuitive interpretation of such a view is that we
know that ice is nothing more than solid water, with the
property of ‘hardness’, whilst steam is gaseous water, with
a ‘softness’ quality, and Thales took these ideas one step
further to assert everything is water with different qualities.
The next hero of this tale is none other than Anaximenes!
Anaximenes adopted a similar approach to the fundamen-
tals of nature, claiming that ‘air’ is the first principle. Anaxi-
menes points us to the phenomena that air may be rarefied
and condensed- and from here goes on to propose that
every substance is ‘air’ of differing density. As a Simplicius
puts it,” becoming finer it comes to be fire; being condensed
it comes to be wind...when still further condensed it beco-
mes water, then earth”, where “it” is of course ‘air’. Now why
have I written air as ‘air’? Actually, when these ideas were
being thrown around, the word he used could also be in-
terpreted as ‘breath’, like a breath of life from a living body,
and so I’m not too sure what our hero meant when he said
‘air’ is the arché.
NOW! Let’s wrap this story up with the tale of Anaximander
and his Arché! What was this first principle, the keen reader
asks? A somewhat ambiguous concept to me, his Arché was
called the “boundless” or the “unlimited”. Water, fire, air, pla-
tinum-194 and muonic hydrogen are all elements that we
know, that are definite. Anaximander countered any notion
that they are the first principles, for they are definite and
known to us- water, fire and air could be interchanged (was
the view of the time) and therefore not the first principle.
Truly, any observable could not be the first principle in this
sense. So! Anaximander proposed a first principle that was
indefinite in nature, that was boundless and that the univer-
se we know sprung from it.
Let me wrap this up by saying that looking at the history
of natural philosophy is awesome. The views of the Ionians,
Plato, Aristotle, the rise of natural magic as the study of the
occult in the renaissance and the mathematisation of nature
are just some of the great topics of interest a historian in
natural philosophy pursues.
May 12, Issue 14 11
As you’ve probably heard, this year ICAC presents the mu-
sical Little Shop of Horrors. Jon and I were lucky enough to
be selected for the cast, and here’s a little peek into what it’s
been like so far.
“Gribble you’re such a f***ing slut!” (to Gribble from
Round the Twist, who was hosting a Trivia Night that we
attended)
- Ellen Leishman (playing Ronette).
One of the best parts about being involved in the show is
the amount of people I’ve been able to meet. There’s a ran-
ge of colleges represented (although half the cast is from
Queen’s...) and I feel like I could turn up anywhere on the
Crescent and be welcomed by friendly faces. Cast bonding
has been one of the highlights of the rehearsal season. We
even went to a pub trivia night hosted by Gribble from the
Round the Twist, won a lot of free jugs of beer, and procee-
ded to ruin his evening by being a bit too enthusiastic (see
above quote).
“Will you be okay walking back to the shadowlands alone
tonight?”
- A Queen’s student to me as we walked home from re-
hearsals.
LITTLE shop of horrors: backstage
Most of the rehearsals have been either in the Queen’s JCR
or somewhere at Mary’s, so I’ve gotten an insight into what
it’s like inside a few other colleges (though after walking to
Mary’s a few times, I’m starting to believe that IH really is
that far away).
“Where’s that blonde person we take orders from?”
- Raja Noureddine (playing Mr. Mushnik) on director Tom
Atkin.
Another really fantastic thing about being involved in the
show is the hugely talented exec team (feat. our very own
Miguel Lontoc) and cast that I got to work with! Our director
(aforementioned blonde person) has been working us really
hard to bring everyone to their full potential on stage. Our
musical director and his assistant have somehow coordina-
ted the cast and band into making sweet music together.
The quality of the cast itself has pushed me to work on my
own skills, just to keep up with them.
Overall, it’s such a great show and I feel so fortunate to be a
part of it. Featuring themes such as murder, domestic abuse,
sadistic dentists, drug use, poverty and world domination,
Little of Shop of Horrors is a hilarious romp that we’ve put
so much effort into, and I recommend everyone make time
to come see it!
WRITER: Bridget Loughhead
Trivia Night antics with Gribble from Round the Twist - we may or may not not be welcome back at this pub...
International House Globe12
ARCTIC MONKEYs REVIEW Was it amahzing? Yes, it was the arctic monkeys.
Crying Lightning, first single of their third album Humbug, and
possibly one of their most underrated songs, gave me chills, as
Alex belted the words: “Your past-times, consisted of the strange
and twisted and deranged and I hate that little game you had
called Crying Lightning.”
The absolute highlight of the night was, however, the closing
song of the main set: 505. The build-up, slowing reaching the
climax of the song, had me and everyone around me tear up,
and when the beat finally dropped, the whole arena went ab-
solutely wild: “I crumble completely when you cryyyyyy!” All the
lights were flashing, everyone was sweating, screaming, lau-
ghing, clapping, going completely crazy and all of sudden all
the lights went off, Alex waved us goodbye and left the stage
without a word.
It took me about 5 minutes to catch my breath and I had to
sit down for a while to recover after this intense set. As I was
finally ready to go, the Monkeys came back on stage and, after
an elongated intro, started their encore set with the well-suited
One For The Road. After exchanging a few words with the au-
dience, they went straight into I Wanna Be Yours, a very sensual
and romantic (?) down-tempo song: “I wanna be your vacuum
cleaner, breathin’ in your dust.” People’s phones were waving in
air like stars, as I realized I would never fall in love this way again.
And then, one last time: “Melbourne, we were all yours tonight,
but I have one last question for you: Are you mine?”. Possibly
one of the worst segue in history, but Alex is quickly forgiven as
the band ends the show with the incredible R U Mine?.
And to answer his question: Yes, I am all yours Lexi.
WRITER: Alexandre Guérin
There is so much to say about last night show, and not enough
words to express all the emotions I felt at the Rod Laver Arena,
as Alex Turner and his band walked on stage. But first, here’s a
bit of back story: I have been an Arctic Monkeys fan ever since
their first album Whatever People Say I Am, That’s What I’m Not
came out in 2006 and I had to wait over 8 years to finally see the
four-piece band from Sheffield, England, live on stage.
At exactly 9.20pm, the lights went off in the arena and the au-
dience started to scream and shout of excitement, as Matt Hel-
ders, the drummer, played the first beats of the hit Do I Wanna
Know. My heart was literally pounding, about to come out of
my chest as Alex waved at the crowd and began to sing: Have
you got colours in your cheek? They quickly proceeded to sing
their latest single, Snap Out Of It and after a brief introduction
(“Good evening Melbourne, we’re the f***ing Arctic Monkeys),
Alex dropped his guitar and played the sexy Arabella, staring at
the audience, looking like a Sex God.
After performing a few songs from their latest album AM, they
smashed old hits like the incredible Brianstorm, Don’t Sit Down
Cause I Moved Your Chair, I Bet You Look Good On The Dan-
cefloor and Fluorescent Adolescent. The crowd around me was
singing along, dancing, jumping about, screaming and even
crying during the whole entire show.
My personal favourites were, by far, Dancing Shoes and Cr-
ying Lightning. I have some sort of personal relationship with
Dancing Shoes, as it is the very first Arctic Monkeys song I ever
heard. The final line, after the fantastic guitar solo delivered by
Alex and Jamie Cook, almost gave me a heart attack: Get on
your dancing shoes, you sexy little swine. How romantic.
May 12, Issue 14 13
Rowing: the sport or pastime of propelling a boat by means of oars. This is what people believe. Here is the truth. Rowing: A sport practiced in rowing boats where the participants wilfully awake before dawn and run to practice where they spend one to two hours sitting on a hard wooden seat and pull on oars to such a level as to cause their bodies to go into oxygen debt, re-sulting in the formation of lactic acid in their blood, which causes substantial pain and discomfort in all major muscle groups.
This activity is usually performed twice a day in the name of fun, and is conducted under the demonic supervision of a person called ‘Coach” with the help of his trained servant named “Co-xswain.” This is what your IH representatives have been undertaking for three weeks; shout out to the girls who do it at 5:30am! The re-gatta will be held on the 17th of May down at the Yarra River (Opposite Federation Square). The first race will start at 7am and the regatta will end around midday. It’s well worth the early mor-ning start as PC cooks a BBQ breakfast! Go there for good eggs. But wait, first you need to know who’s in the crew! Cox: Charlie Glenn and Jack CurnowThe yeller. Some people call them motivators but all they really do is yell. “Row harder! Pressure on the legs! “ They also steer, which can be pretty handy to stop the boat from crashing into the bank, however, this does not stop the cox from being the most likely to be murdered in his/her sleep by another rower. Stroke: Evie Dowling and Tom MorrisonStrokes are born and made to be the most competitive person in the boat by far. They lead the speed of the boat and believe no one else can do what they do. Everyone can do what they do, strokes just have the bigger ego. Seven Seat: Maggie Greenham and Magnus BakerThe Bitch Niche. If anything is wrong in the boat, seven will tell you, you f***ing piece of shit. They will inevitably have some sort of compliant, from Strokes hair ribbons tied the wrong way to the slides being 1/8th of a second too fast. Six Seat: Jacqui Beech and Jake TremblingSix is the support man in the crew, competent at rowing but always apologising for the mistakes that seven is bitching about. Don’t be mistaken, though, Six seat is also shaped like a gentle giant, power in the middle of the boat.
ROWING preparationsBy Evie dowling
Five Seat: Lou Wall and Austin SteeleYou think Josh Lam has muscles? That aint nothing compared to five seat. The power machine, the Farrari, the Obama of the boat. This kid has power and lots of it. When five seat is not in the boat, they will be found signing autographs for his/her many admirers. Four Seat: Fran Alves and Sam BriggsThey think they are the second stroke what with being the head of bow four, but due to memory loss, are not. Always asking “What did the cox say?” fours are only in the boat because they forgot to sleep. Three Seat: Jess Taylor and Zack Thompson Late to practice, late to put the oar in, late out of the water but first to the breakfast line. Three seat has fine technique but this is only down to natural ability, food is the only thing on three seat’s mind. Two Seat: Sarine Yating Ning and Jack McClureGive this kid some pom poms are they are the cheerleader of the boat. Everyone is buggered from the ten hard but you’ll hear two saying “Yeah! Good work guys! Lets do it again! Hi-Five!” Bow seat: Larnie Hewatt and Tom SchmittBow seat knows that in a collision, they are they one that will die. As such, they are the comedians of the boat. They will tell anyone who can here about the robbery at the fish and chip shop. Two fish got battered.
International House Globe14
This year’s men’s football team has a lot to be proud of. With a
great blend of experience and fresh(er) blood in the side, the
team made history swiping aside college after college, raising
IH’s name all the way to the Grand Final, for the first time in a
very long time – somebody mentioned the last time was 58
years ago (I can’t personally testify to the veracity of this state-
ment, but I’m sure seasoned IHers can back us up on this one!)
With the majority of grand finals previously played by IH being
in the 2nd division of the respective sport, this was edge-of-
your-seat, nailbiting, groundbreaking stuff.
After plenty of well-organised training led by our captains Sch-
mitty & Rowan, it all began on one rainy evening in April, with
a practice match against our donut-feeding neighbours Whit-
ley. They had probably consumed quite a few donuts, because
they led at halftime. The team was down in its first game! How
would it respond? By scoring 3 in the second half, obviously.
Practice: IH 3-1 Whitley
4 days later the team faced Newman in its first game, at JJ Ho-
lland Park, the astroturf pitch all official games would be played
upon. One of their players mouthed off and was sent off, gi-
ving us a one man advantage that IH took full… advantage of,
leaving Newman’s late goal to be a mere consolation. Group
Stage: IH 3-1 Newman
After the rest afforded by the mid-semester break, we faced Hil-
da’s. Kenji slipped a finish past the onrushing keeper and Sch-
mitty cut inside and let one fly low and straight at the keeper.
The slippery conditions meant the keeper fumbled and we had
a 2-0 lead at halftime. In the second half, yours truly decided to
risk everything and go for goal from a long-distance free kick,
a success! 3-0, game over. Group Stage: IH 3-0 St. Hilda’s
2 days later it was UC in the quarters, and we now had suppor-
ters cheering us on from the sidelines! The team started bri-
lliantly, almost immediately racing into a two-goal lead thanks
to a Kenji curler and a Rowan first-time. Thommo later made it
3 and while UC pulled one back in the second half, getting a
goal, it was a little too late. Quarter-Finals: IH 3-1 UC
It’s Soccer, not football.
The next morning we played Mary’s, who were admittedly
much more of a test – they were bigger, more physical, and
generally a better side. The entire game was intense, with a lot
of tough 50/50s and hard pressing. The score remained dead-
locked, forcing the game into extra time, of 5 mins either half.
Mary’s failed to score, and Thommo swung the ball into the box
from a freekick and Kenji got on the end of it to tap it home,
sending IHers into a frenzy and racing onto the pitch to join
the psychotic mass, bear-hugging each other and screaming in
happiness. Semi-Finals: IH 0-0 St. Mary’s (1-0 Golden Goal)
Upon news that Trinity had beaten Hilda’s by the same scoreli-
ne as we did, we would be facing them the next day in the final.
The larger crowd of our supporters from the last game probably
tripled for the final, as the team got ready to give everything.
The game was even more intense than the previous one with
a lot of crunching tackles flying in, turning into a very scrappy
affair. Trinity took the lead after a handball in our box was dee-
med a penalty, and in the second half Trinity scored off literally,
the last kick of the game. Grand Final: IH 0-2 Trinity.
Despite the deflated feeling and post-game depression that
followed (for me anyway!) we left with our heads held high,
knowing we made IH proud, made history and showed just
WRITER: Sameer Jalees
May 12, Issue 14 15
Let me say first of all, that most of the time people at this college are amazing. But for some reason, when you get to one certain area of IH, everyone loses all their respect and dignity and aweso-meness, and behave like complete s***heads.
I’m talking about the bike shed.
Now, you can leave your stuff nearly anywhere in college (except for alcohol…) and be pretty sure it’ll be there when you go back to get it, or that someone will find it and give it back to you. I’m talking clothes, shoes, books, phones, wallets, laptops – things that are incredibly valuable. If I stole every Macbook I saw lying around college I could be super rich by now. Luckily for everyone’s bank account, people aren’t big enough jerks to take your laptop when you leave it in the JCR during lunch or your phone when you misplace it during a night of drunken shenanigans.
So why is it that people see absolutely no problem with stealing people’s bikes and helmets?
Bikes are so important to those of us who own them, and you can’t ride it without your helmet unless you wanna play with the Grim Reaper and the police. Yet, it seems that every single week someone’s helmet is getting stolen. Whether it’s a $5 helmet from 7/11 or a nice one from a cycling store, no one has the right to “borrow” anyone else’s helmet, or for that matter, their bike. Even if you just wanna ride quickly down to Barkley to grab some 3am Maccas, an unchained bike is not an invitation for anyone to take it without permission.
What is even the point of stealing someone’s helmet? The owner’s gonna catch you out sooner or later. Is there some klepto with an obsession for bike helmets? Or are you just quickly biking 100m away from IH, pulling out the stolen helmet from your bag and laughing like a maniac with your successful deception?
Just today, I went to take my bike out to find that someone had swapped my helmet for their broken one, and had somehow broken the seat so that it was impossible to ride. What. The. Ac-tual. F***. You know who you are. Give my f***ing helmet back, and fix my seat. That is not okay.
I’m angry. And this needs to change. To cohabitate in harmony, we have to respect each other and our property.
What Grinds My Gears:Evil Bike Thieves
The biggest, most multicultural musical spectacle in the world happened this weekend, and no I’m not talking about Café. The Eurovision Song Contest took place in Copenhagen and was ai-red all across the world. Technically Eurovision doesn’t have a red carpet but it should. The competition is as much about the visual feast as it is about the musical. Some would say it is even more about the visual. They might be right.
Honourable mentions: Iceland: Clearly having a random man just hanging out with the band is the latest fashion because Iceland got in on the action too. The band looked like the Wiggles crossed with the US band OK GO, sounded fabulous and had an extravagantly bearded man standing at the back, singing “Hey!” into his mic at opportune moments. Extra points for beardedness, reinforcing stereotypes of fisherman masculinity.
San Marino: Appropriating the ‘Heart of the Ocean’ necklace from Titanic, whilst standing in the middle of a giant oyster ons-tage.
Moldova: Moldova’s Cristina dressed as a mixture between Dae-narys and Cersei from Game of Thrones. Confusing but kind of great.
Italy: for being kitted out completely in white with gold glitter. There was a key-tar, flying v guitar and gold leaf headdresses all round. THIS IS WHAT EUROVISION IS ALL ABOUT!
Dishonourable mentions: Portugal: The song was lively and could have made for some ex-citing salsa-style dancing had it not been for the fact that the singer could barely walk in her massive heels and was probably afraid of the amount of jiggling that would occur under her bare-ly-existent dress. A bra of some kind probably would have helped.
Belarus: Teo need a serious update in the grooming department. Probably a genre and pop-culture update too. Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Grey aren’t exactly current references. No, I don’t want you to be my “sweet cheesecake”.
Sweden: Sanna Nielsen is beautiful and her dress was far too styli-sh to be appropriate for Eurovision. We want gimmicks people! Russia: Twins singing together? Been there, done that. Twins sha-ring the same pony-tail? Bit creepy.
And the winner? In my eyes, Conchita Wurst from Austria not only won the song contest but won my red carpet vote too. Her gown was stunning and her beard was impeccably groomed. I kid you not people. Beards are the fashion and if someone who makes a stunning woman can rock one, then why not? Anything can ha-ppen at Eurovision and that is what makes it so great.
EUrovision red carpet 2014by Emily vearing
sUDOKU yayyyyyyyyJust for sophie. super difficult and super special. there’s a trick behind it!
Connect the dotscan you guess what it is? we can’t! send your answer in to globe for a special prize!
