“Involving and Engaging Parents In USA Youth Hockey

Programs”

Research Report

Including Suggested Guidelines, Activities, and Checklist

For Success

Submitted to

USA HOCKEY LEVEL 5 Research Project Review Committee

BySteve Flavin

Coach, Navy Youth HockeyAnnapolis, Maryland 21401

December 2006

TABLE OF CONTENT

INTRODUCTION - What is this research about”? ……………………….…. 3

I. Goals of USA Hockey ……………………………………………………….. 6

Part A. Goals and Philosophies From The Experienced …………….. 10Coaches’ Perspectives

Part B. Goals from This Coach’s Perspective …………………….….. 13

II. Goals and Expectations of Players/Parents – Do They All Match? …… 15

III. Selection Process: How Players Are Placed on Teams? ……………… 18

III. Where Do Parents Come Into Play? ……………………………….… 19

V. Suggested Parent Activities ……………………………………………… 22

VI. Dealing with Difficult Parents …………………………………………… 25

VII. Experiences to Date …………………………………………………….. 28

VIII. Communications With Parents: A Coach’s Checklist as a Guide ….. 31 To Engage Parent Involvement

IX. CONCLUSIONS ………………………………………………………... 33

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References …………………………………………………………………. 35

INTRODUCTION What is this research about?

How often do you hear a parent ask their child who plays USA ice hockey “Did you

WIN”? Or, “How many goals did you score today?” Or, the parent may comment –

“Today, the coaching was terrible; and the officiating was HORRIBLE. No wonder your

team can never win a game”! Even more alarming, the child’s response may include -

“Who cares, I don’t want to play any more. Hockey su__ ___s”.

The manner in which the comments above may be heard; or become know to a coach;

and then correctly addressed, is important to the players, parents, coaches, and officials

alike. A number of coaches, if not all at some point, may say that one of the hardest

aspects, if not the hardest aspects of coaching USA Hockey, is dealing with difficult

PARENTS. That is, coaches find it overwhelming, and near impossible, to satisfy the

expectations of some parents. Too often, these coaches express their concern and

frustration at having to deal with difficult parents. If they (the parents) would just let us,

the coach - “coach” – then their children could learn the game of hockey, come to know

the skills and techniques needed to play the game successfully, and most of all, to have

FUN! A renowned USA Hockey Coach often said to his players and parents: To play

the game is great, to love the game is even greater.

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The purpose of this research is to be an on-going effort to explore ways and approaches

for beginning coaches, especially those coaches at the Atom, Mites, or Squirt levels, to

positively engage and successfully involve parents in USA Youth Hockey Programs.

From start to finish, this writer envisions that there is not just one, right way for coaches

to be successful in their role as a coach and in effectively dealing with parents.

Although many books, reference materials, videos, and a vast array of other documents

exist for helping coaches to “coach hockey” successfully, my experience to date has been

that there is a limited compilation of information on parents.

Note:

At both the Level 4 and Level 5 Coaches program, speakers were asked about “How to

deal with parents”. At each level training session, the speakers responded by saying (in

brief) “There is no easy answer”. They did, however, share their personal suggestions;

but did not refer or cite any textbook references. Thus, my interest was sparked to do a

research project on involving and engaging parents in USA Youth Hockey programs.

With this in mind, this research project explores and focuses on suggested approaches

and strategies for coaches, new or at younger player levels, to become more successful in

the area of parent interaction and involvement in USA Youth Hockey programs. My

experience over the years has been that players and parents in these age groups are most

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impressionable and the least experienced, respectively. I find that at the older age groups

levels, like bantams and midgets, players’ and parents’ attitudes have already been

shaped to the point where it is totally different in dealing with them than with the very

young players and their parents.

The research goes beyond just dealing with difficult parents to also incorporate suggested

activities and reference materials to more fully cover the entire spectrum of parents’

involvement USA Hockey. I proffer that positive parent support and realistic

expectations can truly lend to making hockey more fun and personally rewarding for their

children.

I submit the information contained in this research as a guide and aid to help coaches

meet this challenge. I hope you find the material provided in this research project to be

informative and useful.

Coach Steve Flavin USA Hockey

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I. Goals of USA HOCKEY

For coaches, there is no doubt about the primary goal of USA Youth Hockey. Namely,

it’s not about winning every game, but rather, it’s about teaching players how to play

hockey and having FUN playing the game.

For the youth players, from start to finish, each and every time on the ice should bring a

positive experience. Players, especially at the youth level, often identify their excitement

about playing hockey from watching the professional NHL players and wanting to match,

or imitate, their skills and finesse. Certainly, I was one of them. I grew up in Ann Arbor,

Michigan and players like Gordie Howe, Alex Delvechio, and Stan Mikita, were my

idols. Of course, Bobby Orr, the young phantom defensive superstar soon became

everyone’s favorite. I just wanted to play hockey like them. Certainly, wanting to play the

game well is a positive goal. Wanting to learn the game is important. Wanting to be the

best of the best is admirable. Therefore, coaches need to keep in mind that making

“winning every game”, or “winning is everything” as their team goal is not in line with

the core values and focus of USA Youth Hockey. Let having fun and players being a part

of the game serve as the guide for coaches towards achieving the primary goal of USA

youth hockey.

In searching for written materials and guidance on this very topic, one of the best and

most helpful references that I found regarding a goal for youth hockey can be found in

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the 2005-2007 Official Rules and Casebook of Ice Hockey. Here, under the PREFACE,

Philosophy of Youth Hockey, the authors state:

“Enjoyment and recreational benefits are the major focus of new guidelines for

youth hockey issued by the Board of Directors, USA Hockey. More that 80

percent of over 35,000 registered teams play in the age classifications 17 or-

under, prompting the Youth Council of USA Hockey to emphasize the

educational and recreational values of ice hockey.”

USA Hockey recommended guidelines for youth hockey encourages a

noncompetitive environment in which children and youth can learn the basic

skills without the distractions that are often associated with an over-emphasis on

winning. Mastery of the fundamental skills and the fun of playing are essential to

the development of a lifetime interest in hockey. Program must be conducted to

accommodate the number of players who wish to play hockey and to reduce the

number who become disenchanted and drop out.

These voluntary guidelines are directed at children’s programs, but they must be

implemented by adults if they are to influence youth hockey programs. Coaches,

officials, parents, administrators, and rink operators must all do their part to

ensure that the USA Hockey philosophy and the following guidelines are upheld:

Scoring records should be de-emphasized at the Mite, Squirt, and Pee

Wee classifications.

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An opportunity to practice and play under the direction of a good coach is

the primary prerequisite to skill development. Players should be given

ample opportunities to develop to the limits of their potential, regardless

of their abilities.

It is recommended that adult volunteers place a primary emphasis on the

formal education of players, and de-emphasis on excessive competition

and professionalism in the youth age classification.

An additional resource that I wish to proffer can be found in Stephen R. Covey’s

renowned book, “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”.

Namely, HABIT 2: Begin with the End in Mind. On this topic, Covey writes:

“The most effective way I know to begin with the end in mind is to develop a

personal mission statement or philosophy or creed. It focuses on what you want

to be (character) and to do (contributions and achievements) and on the values or

principles upon which being and doing are based. [Page 106]

As a coach (and also as a business professional), I find this suggested habit to be very

helpful for every coach. Namely, begin with the end in mind - making hockey FUN!

Perhaps too often, coaches, players, and parent alike see, and place, “winning” as the end

result of their hockey experiences. That’s what they perceive the sport of hockey is all

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about – competition. Competition means winning. And when a team doesn’t win, then

hockey just ain’t fun any more. Without further argument, I wholeheartedly suggest that

keeping FUN as the end in mind will help guide and keep coaches on the path to being

highly effective people (coaches). As previously mentioned, begin and end the season

with FUN in mind.

More specifically, how would you make FUN the ultimate goal? I submit not just

by de-emphasizing whether the team won or lost? Rather, I believe the key component is

to focus on whether the players develop more skill and knowledge of the game through

each game/practice regardless of the results. What is it that will make the game fun for

kids besides winning/losing and will keep them interested in showing up at the rink each

and every time? Encourage and compliment your players for great pass work. Give

public recognition from coaches and parents to players for their good team play and

sportsmanship. And, as a coach, demonstrate the willingness and commitment to point

out these types of behaviors and accomplishment that the professional hockey players

exhibit while keeping it in proper perspective for the players. As always, there truly is

more lessons in life to be learned than to say “we won”. Let’s add, and place, equal

importance on becoming a better player and have fun doing it.

HOW? Before, during and after each skate!

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PART A. Goals and Philosophies From The Experienced Coaches’ Perspectives

To identify a solid starting point, get a good sense of direction, and improve my own

personal knowledge of “goals”, I submit the following information from my personal

notes taken during the USA HOCKEY COACHES LEVEL 5 CLINIC symposium. I

selected this information since it was so profoundly and helpfully presented by one of the

truly great NHL coaches of the game:

“How to Build a Successful Team”Coach Barry Smith

Management, coaches, and staff must all have the same goals (in sync).

Coaching philosophy: Be positive. Fun for players to want to play AND

improve their skills and knowledge of the game.

Establish and follow team guidelines: Rules of Conduct for players and

parents, alike.

Parents must know expectations of coaches.

Parents must assist in the enforcement of “Team Rules”.

ATITUDE defines everything.

From: USA HOCKEY COACHES LEVEL 5 CLINICRochester, New YorkJuly 12 – 16, 2006

Additionally, my research reveals the following information to cite as a helpful resource

to coaches regarding how to get things off to a good start that involves both player and

parent interactions.

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STARTING THE SEASON - Coach Dennis “Red” Gendron

Coach Gendron advises that the start of the season is pivotal, and it is important to set a

proper tone with the very first meeting. Expounding on the organization’s philosophy

and your own personal philosophy is important. Outlining the basic requirements for

your players is a must. This is serious business, as it is your only chance to make a

favorable impression. You must be well organized so that there is time for all of your

comments and any other agenda items that have to be taken care of. The first meeting

with players and parents must run smoothly and effectively.

Effective teams are similar to high-functioning families in that there is genuine caring for

other members of the group. Further, effective families and teams will, at critical

moments, pull together toward a common goal.

How does a coach create this type of family feeling in a team? Getting the players

together to do something other than playing hockey. He suggests a team outing such as a

meal, a bowling contest, or Ping-Pong tournament, a golf outing, or a fundraiser. These

types of team activities are called team-building experiences. Coach Gendron sees these

as helpful in promoting unselfish attitudes and team cohesion.

Certainly, at the younger levels, my research finds the type of activities for Atoms, Mites,

and Squirts that Coach Gendron has mentioned, are some that we have also done in

similar events over the years.

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We have also done car washes as fundraisers. These can be good ways to develop “team”

effort and helping your fellow “player”. Equally, important, from my experience, these

activities can help to build family communications and positive relationships that at

future times, allow parents to help one another with car-pooling or perhaps other similar

parent-type responsibilities.

The information above is drawn from “Coaching Hockey Successfully” – Advanced Coaching Manual, USA Hockey by Dennis “Red” Gendron with Vern Stenlund.

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PART B. Goals and Philosophy From This Coach’s Perspective – Welcome Letter

NAVY YOUTH HOCKEY

Dear Navy Youth Hockey Rec Mite Team Players/Parents:

On behalf of NYH and the Navy Youth Hockey Rec Team Mites coaching staff, I want to welcome you to the 2006-2007 ice hockey season.

We are looking forward to having a great season and making your hockey playing experience FUN!

As we prepare for our practices and upcoming games for the new season, please find attached an outline of the overall goals and hockey skills activities planned for this year.

Again, welcome. See you on the ice!

Sincerely,

Coach SteveCoach Steve FlavinNavy Youth Hockey Mighty Mites Rec Coach(410) 222-5073

P. S. Enclosed is vitae of my hockey background and experience.

ATTACHMENT - 2

USA YOUTH HOCKEY

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“MITES”Recreation Program GOALS

Coaching PhilosophyYouth Ice Hockey is fun. The rec program helps beginning players to learn new skills, become more familiar with the game of hockey, get great help and encouragement from experienced coaches, understand and always exhibit “good sportsmanship”, and learn to be a team player.

Fundamentals of HockeyThe primary focus of practices and games will be on the following basic skills of hockey:

“Ready to Play Hockey” position [Stance] SKATING STICK HANDLING PASSING SHOOTING TEAM PLAY “RULES of Ice Hockey” Positioning on Ice Offense and Defense Power Play: More Offensive Players/Positioning on Ice Penalty: Our team being “short-handed”

Other Concepts/Knowledge of the Game1. Always have one Defensive Player in front of the goal.2. Never have all three Forwards on the same side of the ice.3. Learning to play various positions, based on skill level/size/interest of player.4. Learn and do warm-up drills/stretching before practice and games to get limber and body physically ready to play.5. Help players to develop good self-confidence.6. Having a team “captain” for each game. (Earn opportunity).7. Players being dressed and ready to play on game day.8. Players being silent when coaches are “talking” in locker room.9. Passing the puck “up-the-ice” is always faster than trying to skate the puck out of our defensive zone.10. Always pass/shoot the puck off the boards when clearing the puck out of our defensive zone. Never pass the puck up the middle. For the 2006-2007 Hockey Season

II. Goals and Expectations of Players/Parents – Do They All Match?

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One of the major challenges of every successful coach is not only to identify and gauge

the expectations of their players, but also those of the parents.

For players - In this section, I suggest that the coach, and assistant coaches preferably

whenever possible, schedule time to sit privately with each player and have a fun

discussion of what the player hopes to do this season. To help accomplish this initiative, I

have developed a small discussion/note sheet that includes the following questions:

1. What position do you like to play?

2. What kind of practice drills do you like? Why? Are there any drills that you do

not like? Why?

3. What things do you like most about playing hockey?

4. Do you like to talk with your fellow players on the team, or parents and friends

about hockey? What kinds of things do you share with them?

5. What might be some things you would like to learn to become a better player?

6. Are you a good person?

7. Are you a good listener?

8. Are you a hard worker?

9. How fast can you skate? With the puck” Without the puck? In all 3 zones?

10. What do you do in the off-season? Do you play any other sports?

For parents –

1. How did your son/daughter become interested in playing ice hockey?

2. What do they say (share with you) about hockey?

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3. What do you hope your son/daughter will experience this season?

4. Are you willing to help enforce team rules?

I am first to admit, that I have only more recently started to more aggressively gather this

type of information from parents as part of my research report, and have found this

information to be very useful.

Some of the responses to the questions above from players and parents are reported

hereafter, with some of my comments. Those chosen reflect that, at times, not all players’

and parents’ goals or expectations may directly match the basic philosophy of USA

Hockey or those of their coaches.

Scenario #1: This young player only wants to play defense. This is a valid interest.

However, I did first speak with the parents on this item to seek their thoughts. I prefer

and encourage all young players to at least try playing some offense. The parents fully

agreed with this philosophy. I indicated that I would go forward. By talking privately

with the player, and stating their parents’ support and also their encouragement to try this,

I was successful in getting the player to at least “try it”. We are still working on this

situation with a view towards increased self-confidence and having “fun”.

Scenario #2: A parent (father) is concerned because the child never scores any goals in

any games to date. This is a real, and often heard, concern by coaches. In my chat with

the parent, I expressed my hopes that their child, as well as other players, will score

goals. Scoring goals is important. However, I shared with the parent in a real sense that

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their child will need to learn and further develop their shooting skills; and to learn better

positioning on the ice. In brief, this is a first year player very limited skills. Thus, my

intent is to support the parent’s interest, but in a more realistic manner. This will be an

on-going challenge since the father has played multiple sports, and wants his child to

succeed as he has done. I am confident that this player can, and will, have an increased

opportunity to score goals this season. Encouragement and critique on my part will be

key components of this effort.

III. The Selection Process: How players are placed on teams?

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This is a very important topic for everyone. My experience has taught me to have printed

materials of the process/forms in place to effectively conduct the selection process.

Players and parents alike must be willing to fully participate in the process; and, allow

coaches to make selections that are:

1. Based on players’ levels of ability/age group

2. Support the local program

3. Abide by USA Youth Hockey rules that stress and encourage building teams

of comparable abilities

4. Discourage making elite teams that just dominate other teams in terms of

ability and predictable outcomes.

This topic can create undue disappointment and possibly feelings of hostility on the part

of players and parents if not done correctly.

Suggestions: In brief, from my experience-

a. Print and distribute the selection methodology and criteria to be used.

b. Use coaches from other teams to assist in the process, whenever possible.

c. Allow parents to be heard in a proper forum. Let them know and give them assurance

that the process was done is a fair and consistent manner. Although all parent complaints

may not be fully satisfied, a reasonable explanation is warranted.

IV. Where Do Parents Come Into Play?

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Although having coached sports for over thirty years, I have recently become more

convinced that parents, just like players, can best compliment their involvement in sports

activities by (formally) pledging to conduct themselves in a proper and mature manner.

That is to say, my research shows that a number of sport programs, for example,

SOCCER COACHING – Soccer Drills, Skills, Rules, Tips [www.SoccerHelp.com],

communicates expected parent behavior in their website literature. My suggestion today

is that USA Hockey may choose to include the CODE OF CONDUCT contained in the

2005-2007 Officials’ Handbook in its training materials. Building on this suggestion,

perhaps having parents “sign” a pledge card at the local USA Youth Hockey program

level may enhance this standard. As a coach, this just makes sense to me to set this

expectation in print form for parents to know and abide by. As a reference, the code is

provided as follows:

Parents Code of Conduct

Do not force your children to participate in sports, but support their desire to play

chosen sports. Children are involved in organized sports for their enjoyment.

Make it fun.

Encourage your child to play by the rules. Remember, children learn best by

example, so applaud the good plays of both teams.

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Do not embarrass your child by yelling at players, coaches, or officials. Showing

a positive attitude towards the game and all of its participants will benefit your

child.

Emphasis skill development and practices and how they benefit your young

athlete. De-emphasize games and competition in the lower age groups.

Know and study the rules of the game, and support the officials on and off the ice.

This approach will help develop and support the game. Any criticism of the

officials only hurts the game.

Applaud good efforts in both victory and defeat, and enforce the positive points of

the game. Never yell or physically abuse your child after a game or practice – it

is destructive. Work towards removing the physical and verbal above in youth

sports.

Recognize the importance of volunteer coaches. They are important to the

development of your child and the sport. Communication with them and support

them.

If you enjoy the game, learn all you can about hockey – and volunteer.

TEAM RULES – PARENT INVOLVEMENT

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Game Time:Games are the place where the results of hard work show, AND WHERE WE HAVE FUN!!!

Players should arrive at the rink at least 1 hour before the game time and should be dressed and ready to hit the ice 15 minutes before the game starts.

o This allows for a pre game warm up, as a team, and ample time for the players to turn their focus towards the game.

Playing Time – if you look over the course of a whole season, all kids will have a LOT of ice time. Certain situations may dictate how coaches decide to choose the ice time, i.e. special teams, disciplinary action, penalty situations, time of game, etc.

Sportsmanship: Win or lose, players must show respect. Always show respect for your opponents. “Right” glove off for the handshake.

After shaking opponents hands, shake the opponents coaches’ hands, as well. Show respect for the officials at all times. No yelling or complaining about calls

made on the ice.Off Ice Conduct:

The dressing room is not a “play” room. No throwing ice or tape, wrestling, or other type of horseplay. This type of behavior can result in accidental injury to someone.

Hotels – Please behave in manner that allows us to be invited back as a team. Proper behavior will be expected and enforced.

Parent Concerns: Please abide by a “24 Hour Cooling Off Period”.

o If you have an issue with something a coach is doing, has done, please do not address the issue in front of any players or other parents. Please allow 24 hours to pass before you attempt to address the issue with the coach. Preference is for parents to address the coach in person, or by telephone, rather than e-mail. Often times, messages are taken out of context via email.

- Excerpts from Coach Patrick M. McNeally, NYH, Annapolis, Maryland.

On these last Team Rules, I would offer that there are times, such as a tournament away

from home, when a coach should be flexible in order to address concerns more readily.

This has been my approach that has proven effective. Thus, good judgment and discretion

should be kept in mind towards rule enforcement.

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V. Suggested Parent Activities

Some of the varied activities that coaches might consider in having parents “involved” in

at the start, and during the course of, the season include: Handouts to parents, team goals,

team rules, and other requests for their participation.

Serving as Team Manager

From this writer’s perspective, a recent article entitled “Team Managers Do More Than

Telephone Trees And Team Parties – Much More in USA HOCKEY MAGAZINE –

December 2006 “FIRE AWAY”, by Bob Schaller, Laramie, Wyoming, accurately

conveys a high level of intensity of parent involvement and interaction in USA Youth

Hockey programs. Some of the key points of the article are referenced below. I have

bolded and underscored some of the key words in the article to add emphasis in support

of my research and findings for this research project.

- Larry Horstman is a Team Manager who was involved in handling the travel

arrangements and logistics for a youth hockey team that was participating in an

international tournament overseas. Not just one, but two players, inadvertently lost their

passport documents, which impacted their travel from Chicago’s O’Hare Airport to their

final destination of Moscow.

Somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean, the team received word that the player’s visa and

boarding passport were found, and the boy was on his way to Moscow via a flight from

Poland, if all went well.

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During the team’s layover in Amsterdam, another player lost his passport before boarding

the connecting flight to Moscow.

“Being in a foreign country, trying to get all that arranged…” Horstman described as the

bureaucratic nightmare. “Such is the life of a team manager, where things change from

day to day, and even minute to minute. The job doesn’t come with a set of instructions

forcing most to make it up as they go. Even the most grizzled veteran find new

challenges lurking around every corner. The team manager is the glue that keeps a team

together and the coach from going insane. Whether it’s booking holiday travel or

arranging post-game snack or finding a spare left skate 10 minutes before a game, being a

team manager is a thankless job that features more ups and downs than a game of Chutes

and Ladders”. As important as being the keeper of the paperwork is, Horstman said, it

takes a back seat to being the facilitator of information and the liaison between the

parents and the coach.

Some additional noteworthy excerpts from the article are as follows-

- Veronica Hon is a four-year team manager for the Anaheim Lady Ducks. She sees

part of her job as being a facilitator and acting as a shield that allows coaches to

concentrate on running the on-ice-show. “You have to be able to let the coach do the

coaching”, said Hon. “The team manager is a liaison to the parents in that regard. And

coaches really appreciate that.”

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- Jim Gray, team manager for the Rampage Double A Midget-minor program in Colorado

Springs. “Paperwork is one of the bigger aspects of the team manager’s job” said -“Part

of my job is convincing parents that I need answers either way. You have to know that

you are making the parents’ experience more enjoyable by all the logistics you do, but the

big thing is knowing that you are helping the kids play a great game that give them good

experiences on the ice, and great experiences to take into the rest of their lives, whether

that’s on the ice, or off it”.

Also, The Hockey Source, a USA Hockey licensee, has created a Team Manager Training Program for individuals, team and associations. To learn more go to TheHockeySource.tv.)

Participation in Other Activities

1. Helping with locker room - “OK” for parents to assist players before

games with equipment/fitting; then exist for “coaches chat with players”.

2. Helping with water bottles and keeping the hockey pucks “bag”.

3. Planning and arranging for treats or snacks after the game (and not just for

winning a game).

4. Helping in penalty box and/or scorer’s booth.

5. Serving as Team Photographer – Post on local league Website. Players

and parents truly enjoy these memories of FUN!

6. Serving as Team Statistician. At higher levels this data is really helpful,

when appropriately and discretely used, especially to build player

confidence and evidence of positive growth.

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VI. Dealing With Difficult Parents

As mentioned in the Introduction to this research project, one of the hardest aspects, if

not the hardest aspects of coaching USA Hockey, is dealing with difficult PARENTS.

What advice can be given to us, volunteer coaches of USA Youth Hockey? At a

minimum, my research is condensed and provided as described below.

Advice To Coaches on Problem Solving: Some Proven Questions to Be Asked, Approaches & Techniques

1. What is the parent’s concern/issue?2. Why is it a concern?3. Look for underlying motive.4. Attempt to understand the concern/issue from the parent’s perspective.5. Avoid personal confrontations.6. Be positive in your manner and genuinely interested in addressing their concern.7. Find the area of conflict: Is it player behavior? Is it not abiding by team rules? 8. Investigate the matter thoroughly to get all appropriate facts. Who observed the

situation/incident?9. Seek others advice, when needed.10. Always keep in mind the fundamental goals of USA Youth Hockey.11. Use proper and respectful communications.12. Don’t characterize or blame. Seek to resolve and not to arbitrarily dismiss.13. A timely response or feedback is important to the parent. 14. Enforcing the rules and codes of conduct should be followed and applied in a consistent

and fair manner.15. Positive relationships are built on trust, communications, and credibility.

Some Additional Key Questions Worth Asking?Is the concern or issue related to behavior problems, rule violations, ability/skills issues, coaching philosophy/methodology, as may be identified or associated to one or more of these aspects:

Late to practice or games Lack of attention Slow learner Lacks sufficient skills to be able to do drill correctly Disruptive behavior with other players Lack of effort Fighting or distracting other players Players yelling at one another Player exhibiting negative attitude – towards other players, maybe towards the coach Destroying other players equipment Is a less skilled player becoming frustrated and losing interest because he/she cannot

keep up with other players More skilled players are frustrated with coach because of non-challenging drills

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Has the coach or assistant coaches effectively communicated instructions – simple and understandable, to include demonstration

Parent interference with players that causes unnecessary disruption during practice/game Is there a possible medical condition unknown to the coach Has the player or parent received or been informed regarding team rules, codes of

conduct, expectations of coaches, the local association/league’s overall program If an incident occurs, when is the best (or most appropriate) time to deal with it –

immediately or in a more planned setting/circumstance, why? What’s more important, the corrective action (remedy/punishment) or the lesson learned

– for who, the player, other players, maybe parents If the parent is the “sources” of the concern, how should the coach handle the situation to

avoid the player being the brunt How does the coach handle an emotional outburst – first time, or repeated?

There are no absolute and controlling answers. Rather, for my personal experience and the many

experiences of other coaches, one must evaluate and judge each situation on its own merits. A

most profound component of any offering of advice is to seek the advice of others before acting.

Learning from others is a foundation of learning for us.

An example from my research this year may be helpful. A player was constantly late. For this

particular player, being late meant 15 to 20 minutes late all the time. I approached the parent and

brought this to their attention. Nothing really improved. As an alternative, I approached one of

my fellow assistant coaches thereafter for some help. After further discussion with the parent, the

assistant coach was able to make arrangements for carpooling. Two lessons were learned. One,

once the lateness stopped, other players and parents also made improved efforts to be on time.

Second, some times a coach, himself, may need to seek assistance in terms of solving an

awkward situation. In the end, this cooperative effort on the part of both coaches and parents

proved valuable to all. Again, there may not always be perfect answers or positive results in

every instance. However, through building positive relationships from the start, more amenable

outcomes are been found.

Elements of Positive Relations – What Are They?COMMUNICATION. .

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Always assume there is a need to talk — consult before deciding or ACBD: communication means both ways — so remember to listen (the most important part of communication) — avoid mixed messages — be explicit.

UNDERSTANDING . . . Learn how the other parties see things; explore their thinking (we may not know how little we actually do know); start by asking what they care about. Know that an absence of interest in your issue does not mean an absence of interest in the relationship.

RESPECT. . .Deal with the other party seriously even though we differ, assume that they are legitimate and competent; give weight to and don’t evaluate their interests; listening to what they say does not imply agreeing with it; asking their opinion does not mean we are obliged to follow it.

TRUST . . . Be wholly trustworthy, but not wholly trusting; realize that others will have reasons to mistrust us; see ourselves as others see us; avoid incorrectly evaluating other’s behavior; base trust on an analysis of risk not on a moral judgment.

POWER . . . Negotiate side by side; attack problems, not people; stay open and delay commitment; avoid either/or choices; focus on what is fair; recognize what each party can do if we fail to agree; know that having a reason for a decision makes it legitimate while leverage, power or coercion does not.

EMOTION . . . Balance emotion with reason; be aware of others’ emotions and of our own; acknowledge emotions without reacting emotionally; prepare for emotions before they arise.

FOCUS. . .Acknowledge and deal with the ‘elephants’ directly rather than use substantive items and concerns to do this; identification of relationship issues does not equal a judgment of them; go to work on the relationship issues separately from content issues.

PROCESS. . . Starting with the problem and the interests of the parties rather than with solutions or positions helps the parties in the relationship develop a process or context within which to bring all these principles to life.

- “Elements of a Positive Relationship” [Abstract]NEA-NAEN TRAINIG DESIGN

Some additional supplemental information on “Dealing With People Who Drive You

Crazy” can be found at www.freemaninstitute.com/seminars.htm. See REFERENCES

for details.

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VII. Experiences To Date

a. What has been learned?

This research has allowed me the opportunity to bring together a variety of references

materials and personal experiences both good and bad in the report to be organized and

used as a suggested guide for fellow coaches for success. Hopefully this information can

be incorporated in a coach’s approach and style of coaching at his/her particular youth

age group and skill level. See Section VIII. of this report that follows regarding these

details.

I want to acknowledge all the many coaches that I have been associated with; and the

lessons learned and shared by other coaches through USA Hockey Coaches Training

programs and symposiums. Please know that the Level 5 National Symposium was the

best! I want to give proper recognition to the parents I have had the opportunity to meet

and incorporate some of their responses and interactions. Lastly, I want to acknowledge

the other sport program (i.e.; soccer USA and baseball) for their sharing of general

information via the Internet website.

b. What can we do better?

1. Read and use the materials appropriate to the level of coaching and style.

2. Build on these materials and experiences. Learn from doing and being proactive.

3. Do some homework! I distinctly remember some case studies from my Associate

Level Clinic training that I offer again for discussion. See REFERENCES for

details.

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c. How do we get there?

1. Share this research report with your league’s director of coaching and other

league officials. Hopefully, they will support and endorse the research as a

positive guide towards improve coaching for first time coaches at the young age

levels. Initial impressions for our young players are so critical.

2. Also share with fellow coaches, alike. Add and build upon their expertise as well.

Incorporate their many experiences.

3. Allow for parents to provide input and comments to the league’s board of

directors and others about the quality and demeanor of team coaches. The intent

of such input should be guided towards improving and supporting the local

program and not discouraging willing and capable persons for entering the

coaching ranks.

4. Get parents involved in a variety of ways: team manger, helping with score

keeping, helping with water bottles, helping in penalty box, and helping with

pucks/equipment. Perhaps like family, the more cooperatively involved, the

better.

5. This writer will continue with this research work as part of an on-going initiative

for “Engaging and Involving Parents in USA Hockey Programs”. The project is

declared to be a good starting point for future development, critique, and

revision(s). Feedback is welcomed.

6. As a coach, I continually and constantly enjoy talking with the players, often

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one-on one, to show a personal interest and care. This approach can go along way,

especially when something unannounced and negative occurs. Building trust and

respect can go a long way. Extend this approach and contact with PARENTS.

VIII. Communications With Parents: A Coach’s Checklist As a Guide To Engage Parent Involvement

The checklist below is offered as a suggested guide to assist coaches to effectively engage parent involvement in USA Youth Hockey Programs.

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Welcome Letter from Coaches and Local Program Officials plus

may choose to include:

Vitae of coaching staff

Coaching Philosophy and Goals Statement for players/parents

Start of Season Meeting with Parents

Player’s Code of Conduct

Parent’s Code of Conduct

Getting To Know Player’s: Coach’s conference

Getting To Know Parents: Coach’s discussion points

Invitation for Parent Involvement /Parents’ Activities List

Communications to players and parents throughout the season

1. Use of Local League website – Team Newsletter

2. Pre and Post-locker room chats

3. After game activities: pizza (and not just for winning)

4. Posting practice activities on the Website: Drill diagrams and time

management

5. Surveying parents (informally): How is the team doing? A chat approach.

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Formal Appeals Process for addressing parent concerns. Generally, local

leagues have guidelines and procedures to handle such situations with a formal

Board of Directors Review panel. The coach, next the director of coaching, and

lastly the board of directors. Input from non-involved parents can also serve as a

resource.

Encourage parents to visit the USA HOCKEY Website:

New 2006-2007 USA Hockey Standards of Play Rules Enforcement

Video’s, etc… @ USAHOCKEY.org

X. CONCLUSIONS

This research project succinctly reveals to this writer that parents can be, currently are,

and should be actively engaged and involved in USA Youth Hockey programs. The

degree of their participation is found to be directly proportional to the amount of

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information and events that they are informed about; are invited to participate in; are

encouraged to be part of; and are complimented for regarding their efforts and time

related to the many components of USA Youth Hockey programs.

As an overall starting point, the issue of dealing with difficult parents immediately

surfaced as the forerunner topic to this research project. However, in formulating my

research design, this writer soon envisioned that a more global, overall approach to parent

involvement in USA Youth Hockey programs would be more informative and helpful to

me, and I am hopeful, to fellow coaches and parents, alike. Thus, concentrating solely on

“dealing with difficult parents” absent other research exploration and related components

of parent involvement would not give a complete picture.

Based on my on-going interactions with parents, this writer enjoyed the opportunity to

observe, take note, and mentally record a wide array of empirical data. The following

topic areas are identified as the key categories of parent interaction:

Parent ActivitiesParent Code of ConductParent Support for the Enforcement of Team RulesParent Communications with Coaches Parent Volunteer Time as Assistant Coaches, Team Manager, and Score Keepers Based on my experience, I see the role and opportunity for coaches, especially at the

Learn to Skate, Atom and Mite Levels, to serve as ambassadors for USA Youth Hockey.

I sincerely believe our contacts, interactions, and discussions with parents,

encouragement to players, is what promotes hockey to its real potential and success. The

tireless efforts, sharing skills and knowledge of the game, keeping players focused on

team play, all these things coaches do make the difference in helping our players to have

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FUN! When I first began coaching some thirty-five years ago, I lacked real-life

experiences in how to engage and involve parents. However, over time, by attending

CEP training programs; serving and working as an assistant coach and also being a parent

of a player, I was able to acquire more knowledge and skills to improve my role as a

coach and interaction with parents. Thus, I choose to share, report, and giveback the

benefit of these experiences and subsequent conclusions of this research project to current

or future coaches and parents.

The conclusions are clear: The interactions with parents during this research have proven

to be positive, and will form the basis for continued favorable outcomes. Without any

doubt, the tone, mannerism, demeanor and interaction between parents and coaches will

govern and direct the degree and intensity of the parent involvement and their

relationship with coaches. There will always be opportunity for growth and further

improvements in these relationships and interactions. I extend best wishes to all and

remind everyone to make the game of hockey FUN for all of our youth players.

REFERENCES

2005-2007 OFFICIAL RULS and CASEBOOK of ICE HOCKEYThe Official Rules and Casebook of Ice HockeyISBN 1-57243-587-9Triumph Books - Chicago

“Coaching Hockey Successfully” – Advanced Coaching Manual, USA HockeyDennis “Red” Gendron with Vern StenlundHuman KineticsCopyright @ 2003ISBN: 0-7360-4636-4

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“Dealing With People Who Drive You Crazy”The Freeman Institute.com/seminars-CONFLICT RESOLUTION/COMMUNICATION SKILLS/CULTURAL DIVERSITY PROGRAM Training MaterialsBox 305, Gambrills, MD 21054info@freemaninstitute.comInformation obtained via Website November 2006

“Elements of a Positive Relationship” [Abstract]NEA-NAEN TRAINIG DESIGN: IBS Resources Manual 7/15/2001Originally prepared by: National Education Association and North American Association of Educational Negotiators

“How to Build a Successful Team” - Coach Barry Smith, NHL Coach USA HOCKEY COACHES LEVEL 5 CLINICRochester, New York, July 12 – 16, 2006

TEAM RULES – 2006/2007 Hockey SeasonPatrick M. McNeally, Head Squirt CoachNavy Youth Ice Hockey ProgramAnnapolis, MD 21410 Email: pmcneally@khov.com

USA HOCKEY – ASSOCIATE Level Clinic WorkbookVal Belmonte, EditorDirector,. Coaching Program Copyright@ 1995, USA HockeyPublisher: I.L. CopperISBN: 1-884125-16-6

USA HOCKEY MAGAZINE – December 2006 “FIRE AWAY” 12.06Volume 20 Number 10 [vol28 no10]“Team Manager Do More Than Telephone Trees And Team Parties – Much MoreBy Bob Schaller, Laramie, Wyoming Pages 46- 48, inclusive.

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www.SoccerHelp.com“Expected Behavior” By ParentsSOCCER COACHING – Soccer Drills, Skills, Rules, TipsNovember 2006

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