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Chapter 28 !!!!!!!!!!!!

Marissa  Varcho  <marissavarcho@gmail.com>

Understanding  Mental  Illness  /  Upcoming  SB43  Procedure

Marissa  Varcho  <marissavarcho@gmail.com> Sat,  Feb  1,  2014  at  4:57  PMTo:  "Sen.  Coley,  OSCJC-­Chair"  <coley@ohiosenate.gov>Cc:  "Groseclose,  Emily"  <Emily.Groseclose@ohiosenate.gov>Bcc:  Marissa  Varcho  <marissavarcho@gmail.com>,  Geoffrey  Collver  <gcollver@disabilityrightsohio.org>,  MichaelKirkman  <mkirkman@disabilityrightsohio.org>,  Laura  Sigal  <lmsigal@mhafc.org>,  April  Friedman<ssteady@gmail.com>,  Alan  Johnson  <ajohnson@dispatch.com>,  Rachel  Varcho  <rsteffanni@yahoo.com>,  "Rep.Stinziano,  OHJC-­Ranking"  <rep18@ohiohouse.gov>

Hi Senator Coley,

I'm looking forward to our meeting on Tuesday, though to be honest, its purpose at this point feels somewhat futile. I do appreciate the final opportunity though, to communicate my idea for compromise, and am therefore lookingforward to it nonetheless.

My friend sent me this article that addresses what's going on with mental-illness in the U.S., as it relates toanother teenage-suicide:

http://elitedaily.com/life/a-response-to-the-terrible-misunderstanding-of-depression-in-the-madison-holleran-piece/

The stigma is paralyzing. For that reason, I am going to simplify my recommended SB43 revisions for committeenext week to address that issue, and that issue alone. I will present the idea in a recognizable and appropriateformat, as succinctly as possible given the complexity of the matter at hand.

I do know that my ideas specifically, and my style generally, are considered "eccentric"-- i.e. different from thenorm, extraneous to the ordinary, grounding-breaking, unprecedented, whatever you want to call it. My ideas pushfor significant ideological change, this I know-- and I recognize that change does not happen overnight and that itis very scary for most.

I still struggle though-- with others' substantial need to slip this inadequate legislation through so quickly, becausethey are either incapable or unwilling to try something new. I think it's 47  states now, that have this samelegislation in place-- and yet, the problem has not been rectified at  all. To the contrary-- in response to AOT,mental-illness is growing.

Senator Coley-- I've kids out here who are dying. All  over  the  place-­-­  they just keep dying, and I just can't figureout what to do. This is what it feels like, from my "high-functioning" yet "seriously mentally-ill" point-of-view:

http://janesaysrise.com/2013/12/01/on-judgment-day-symptomatic-mental-illness-vs-troublesome-behavior/

I know that I'm putting you in a tough spot, and I understand that the stigma itself creates a sort of embarrassmentfor you, should you take on any suggestions offered by the "seriously mentally-ill" bipolar I girl. I apologize for anydisrespectful transgressions I have committed to-date, but I promise you, I have acted in such manners because inall honesty--  I  don't  know  what  else  to  do. I've got kids out here on my hands who are dying, and despite myrepeated best efforts-- despite any grand gesture I am capable to create-- it seems nothing I have to offer is goodenough. It feels hopeless out here.

Marissa K. Varchomarissavarcho@gmail.comhttp://thecultivationofbeauty.comhttp://janesaysrise.com

Tags

JANE SAYS ~ Let Us Rise Above

ON JUDGMENT DAY – Symptomatic Mental

Illness vs. Troublesome Behavior

01 Sunday Dec 2013

POSTED BY MARISSA K. VARCHO IN LEARNING THE ROPES, ON BEING MENTALLY "ILL", ON MEDICATIONS

≈ 3 COMMENTS

[]

Bipolar, Civil Rights, Culture, Health, Humanity, Life, Medications, Mental disorder, Mental health, mental

illness, Pain, People, Perception, Personal, Reflection, Struggles, Suicide, Thoughts

There’s an owl hooting outside my window now, and I can’t help but wonder if he’s tooquestioning whether this is a world worth living in, such that the struggle will all be worth it in the

end. I don’t really know either way, but I do know it’s nice, not to be alone, the only one up at all

hours with a wonder-filled head.

I’m very frustrated right now. More frustrated than I’ve ever felt before it seems. I am very tired, my

mind won’t stop thinking, it won’t stop crawling through thought and spinning webs of idea. I am

frustrated because after two weeks of unemployment, I have no job applications filed to show for

my worth – to show for an unemployment check which might otherwise now lie in my wait. Others

see this as troubled behavior; I see what they mean. But then, I see too so much more and I cannot

help but wonder why it was, that upon my shoulders and not theirs came crashing down this

world’s worth of weight.

I see all the children in my head, out there all alone in this cold, hard world, wandering around in

the darkness, losing hope in their waning searches for light. I see them in my mind, and I worryabout them and it makes me sick – I can’t stop thinking about them and worrying about them

because I am them and I have given this life a shot one day more and look where it’s led me. I can

see them sitting alone, suffering in the darkness, pondering suicide, just as I do still. It’s less morbidnow, the thoughts, but the point remains the same. I just cannot tell whether this toil and struggle

is made nothing more than in vain.

I am worried sick about these kids. I am so sick about it I don’t even know what to do with myself.

I am worried sick about these kids who might find on this big world’s inter-wide-web all of the

discriminatory judgment our society’s professionals have already rendered against them. I am

worried about these children who are going to be told that there is something wrong with them,

and that they must be medicated to be made right.

I cannot stop the worry, and I look at the world around me and I cannot figure whether it’s an

overwhelming beauty that makes it so goddamn hideous, or if it’s just so hideous that I find

somehow within it the most striking beauty of all. It makes no sense to me, and I want to figure it

out so that I can explain it to them, but I have to stop myself because I must sit down for three hours

time and focus this scattered brain long enough to finish two job applications.

That’s it, two jobs. That’s all it requires – and yet, my mind has not let me be to go to that place. I’m

stuck on the pharmacy and how they treat me as if I am a drug addict although, I’ve done nothing

wrong, nothing more than drop my doctor’s orders off for fill. They have to call my doctor to be

sure that it was he who has written them, even though they just spoke with him a day or two back

and he explained that I’m not a drug dealer and I’m not a drug addict.

I’m stuck on my newlyfound understanding that the Food and Drug Administration allows a

percentage break to drug companies – to save them a little money – my 15mg of Ritalin mayactually be just twelve, with an unknown 3mg of filler. Filler which I had an allergic reaction to –

filler that’s screwed up my meds going on three weeks now. I am disturbed with caution, as to whymy government, which is supposed to be protecting me from drug companies, is actually negotiatingwith them to cause me harm.

said:

said:

I am nervous about what my state legislature is now planning to do, whether the Ohio Senate isgoing to move on S.B.43 or Sub.H.B.104 – both proposing to force this compromised “medication”upon my people. I am worried sick I will not be able to stop it. I am worried sick that it will pose asone more barrier between the mentally ill and the treatment and protection that we need, and that wewill only find more substance abuse and suicide and bloodshed beyond this legislature’s door.

And the worry continues, the thoughts are infinite, the cause for my concern is real, and yet myconcern is still yet misunderstood. I cannot help but be gravely disturbed by this mess. I cannot helpbut wonder, why is not everyone else?

And so now I am the one judged, two weeks here now unemployed, and I have not one jobapplication yet to show. I will not get that money. My worry got in my way and for that I havebeen labeled mentally ill. I do not see it that way though, it does not look like that from within myskin, peering out.

I do see illness alright, but I see it in these sockets peering back at me gaping empty with judgmentand doubt. I am guilty as charged I suppose, with my troubled behavior, but still I cannot figurehow my actions are the cause for the shout. I wish people would open their eyes.

thoughts on “ON JUDGMENT DAY – Symptomatic Mental

Illness vs. Troublesome Behavior”

1. Pingback: ON BULLYING – What U.S. House Representative Timothy Murphy fromPennsylvania Did… | JANE SAYS

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2. Lana's Hope Fed Blog

December 1, 2013 at 7:54 pm

Hello fellow Ohioan. HB 104/SB 43 reminds me of the Mental Health Act in England. Theycan detain anyone and everyone they *believe* is a threat to themselves or to others. While thesafety of innocent people is important, the intervention of the government at this leveldeserves some scrutiny. Psych wards can be terrifying and I’ve recently seen a patient try toend their life to avoid going in. I suppose it’s a self-fulling prophecy, but it drives the pointhome that forced incarceration doesn’t have care and recovery in mind.

REPLY

[Edit Comment]

3. Kyrielle Adelshine

December 1, 2013 at 8:43 am

Reblogged this on THE CULTIVATION OF BEAUTY.

REPLY

[Edit Comment]

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3

Marissa  Varcho  <marissavarcho@gmail.com>

Alternative  SB43  Defense  Idea

Marissa  Varcho  <marissavarcho@gmail.com> Sat,  Feb  1,  2014  at  10:53  PMTo:  Glenn  Sheller  <gsheller@dispatch.com>Cc:  Alan  Johnson  <ajohnson@dispatch.com>Bcc:  Marissa  Varcho  <marissavarcho@gmail.com>,  Rachel  Varcho  <rsteffanni@yahoo.com>,  April  Friedman<ssteady@gmail.com>,  Michael  Kirkman  <mkirkman@disabilityrightsohio.org>,  Geoffrey  Collver<gcollver@disabilityrightsohio.org>

Dear Mr. Sheller,

I've been giving your pro/con article idea for our mental-health legislation debate much thought. To that effect, I

think perhaps a more appropriate, non-publicly-elected representative for SB43's defense would be Terry Russell,

Executive Director of NAMI Ohio. Mr. Russell has been the unofficial champion of SB43 since its inception, as you

can see in his June 18th, 2013 Ohio Senate Civil Justice Committee testimony:

http://search-prod.lis.state.oh.us/cm_pub_api/api/unwrap/chamber/130th_ga/ready_for_

publication/committee_docs/cmte_s_civil_justice_1/testimony/65cd2383-8a01-4055-9543-696cfcf8672f/

sb43terryrussell.docx

I personally submerged myself as a mental-health "consumer" into this public debate on October 2nd, 2013, orally

highlighting for the Ohio Senate CJC, the deficiencies which plague SB43:

http://search-prod.lis.state.oh.us/cm_pub_api/api/unwrap/chamber/130th_ga/ready_for_

publication/committee_docs/cmte_s_civil_justice_1/testimony/4c7d97fc-d08a-4f62-a032-0aa53c725bea/

sb43marissavarchooutline.docx

The following week, I elaborated with written testimony:

http://search-prod.lis.state.oh.us/cm_pub_api/api/unwrap/chamber/130th_ga/ready_for_

publication/committee_docs/cmte_s_civil_justice_1/testimony/b4184ee1-4fe4-4cae-8945-40cdb21110bb/

sb43marissavarchowrittentestimony.pdf

Additional oral and written testimony, including my idea for the AOT-compromise, has since been submitted to the

Ohio Senate CJC.

Allowing Mr. Russell-- leader of the self-proclaimed "Voice on Mental Illness" for the State of Ohio-- to publicly

defend SB43 and his "forced-treatment" ideals, would be especially beneficial for Ohio's mentally-ill population.

For, we quite generally disagree. Rather, we are of the belief that forced, incompetent mental-health medical

treatment is at once unhelpful, and seriously detrimental to our recovery process and overall sense of wellbeing. To

put it bluntly-- such treatment of one human being by another, is inhumane.

I think Mr. Russell could appreciate such an opportunity to explain-- as his position will otherwise remain very

confusing  for his constituency.

Sorry to email you on a Saturday night. I know I'm acting outside the "norm"-- I'm just worried sick about our

mentally-ill kids. When this idea finally came, it provided great relief. I had to get it off my chest.

Thank you again for listening, and for your willingness to consider my ideas. I know I represent the "unpopular"

position-- but sometimes, what's popular has only become so, through deceit.

I will follow up Monday.

Very Truly Yours,

Marissa K. Varcho

Attorney at Law

4799 Seven Lakes Place

Powell, Ohio 43065

(614) 633-5155

Tags

JANE SAYS ~ Let Us Rise Above

ON MY BLEEDING HEART — Why I AllowOthers To Break It, Repeatedly

02 Sunday Feb 2014

POSTED BY MARISSA K. VARCHO IN CULTIVATING BEAUTY

≈ LEAVE A COMMENT

[]

beauty, Character, Choices, Humanity, Life, Love, Pain, Personal, Relationships, Thought, Truth

REFLECTION FROM NOVEMBER 24TH, 2012 @ AGE 31

RE: BEAUTY—AND WHAT LOVE’S GOT TO DO WITH IT.

Well, I woke up thinking of Anastasia, and all the wonderful thoughts I associate with her. Then Iwent to Starbucks with Dietrich and the guy at the window who always says to me at the window“oohhhhhh…it’s the magic drink!” He asked me what I was doing today and looked ambiguouslybewildered when I said I was not watching the big football game. Of course my mind blanked inthe moment and I said I did not know what I am doing today, but really I’m going to visit mygrandma and I do wonder, the shock that comment would have garnered on his face. He and hislittle buddy working at Starbucks at 6:30am on a Saturday morning, “ooooohhhhhh look at thatextra foam!” his little buddy said to him. What a bunch of assholes I have to get my wonderfulmorning latte from.

No really, I know it’s not so bad. I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed and then thoughtabout why for approximately an hour—so that, I’m sure, did not contribute much to my mentalhealth either. Which, speaking of mental health, I do wonder sometimes whether that is the maincontributing factor to my forward-moving retardation in life. But I don’t know…I mean, I really,really do not know! I can’t identify specifically why not, it’s all related I know, but it’s stilldifficult to define. I know it, of course, has to do with beauty, but I’m still unclear as to how thatwill come into play.

This is my best guess: it has something to do with beauty, but more specifically to do with mygenuinity. I feel like, and take this with a grain because like I’ve already said, I do not have thisclearly well-thought out yet…it’s still yet in marination mode. But I feel like (as Dietrich keepsbugging me for pieces of breakfast sandwich) I have somehow managed to protect and maintainmy childhood innocence. I think, while that part of other adults my age and older has hardened,my heart remains soft and beating loudly like it always has. It may be bleeding, of course, buttherein lies the beauty. And really that’s all that I’ve got. For now in any case.

So much, with me, remains yet to be seen. I still get to feeling like I’m, now, incredibly so very farbehind! But really once you get to a certain part in your life, the exciting part fades away and themonotony sets in. And if you aren’t prepared for that time beforehand, I think it becomes damnnear impossible at that time to do the kind of work I’ve done in the past couple of decades or so. That’s where the hardened part of the heart then comes in. It solidifies then. Whereas mine, Ihope, has become strong over these past years, and while it remains soft and beating with life, itis strong and can protect itself from harm at the same time. I think that’s the difference, but I’mjust not sure how it will manifest itself in the real world.

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