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God knows all God knows all God knows all God knows all about us about us about us about us — even about our even about our even about our even about our weakness and sin weakness and sin weakness and sin weakness and sin — and lovingly ex- and lovingly ex- and lovingly ex- and lovingly ex- tends grace and tends grace and tends grace and tends grace and hope to us through hope to us through hope to us through hope to us through Jesus. We will not Jesus. We will not Jesus. We will not Jesus. We will not be abandoned. be abandoned. be abandoned. be abandoned. This loving God sent This loving God sent This loving God sent This loving God sent his Son, Jesus, to his Son, Jesus, to his Son, Jesus, to his Son, Jesus, to connect with us in an connect with us in an connect with us in an connect with us in an intimate way, to intimate way, to intimate way, to intimate way, to ground us in the ground us in the ground us in the ground us in the reality of grace, to reality of grace, to reality of grace, to reality of grace, to support us on our support us on our support us on our support us on our journey to whole- journey to whole- journey to whole- journey to whole- ness, to normalize ness, to normalize ness, to normalize ness, to normalize our feelings of our feelings of our feelings of our feelings of disappointment, and disappointment, and disappointment, and disappointment, and to prepare us for to prepare us for to prepare us for to prepare us for ultimate healing. ultimate healing. ultimate healing. ultimate healing. ity—Our Savior is Born! There is a truth here that pertains directly to you and to all of crea- tion as well. The darkness will be overcome! (Isaiah 9:2) Support- Saint Paul reminds us, “But God proves his love for us in that while we still were sinners Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8) God knows all about us—even about our weakness and sin—and lovingly extends grace and hope to us through Jesus. We will not be abandoned. Normalize- Jesus teaches us to understand the world and sin for what they are. God reminds us that our feelings of disappointment and our laments over the brokenness of creation are nor- mal. Jesus himself wept over Jerusalem. (Luke 19:41). The Good news is that God in Christ has the victory and that the power of the resurrec- tion triumphs! Prepare- God empowers us to stand like John the Baptist in the river of life and to prepare the way for the Good news of Jesus Christ. Each time we are fed by God when we share in Holy Communion we remember that Christ died, Christ is risen. Christ will come again! We know that God has a beautiful plan that is un- folding and that we are in that grace-filled plan! Brothers and sisters, we worship and believe in a God who cares deeply about our traumatic inju- ries. This loving God sent his Son, Jesus, to con- nect with us in an intimate way, to ground us in the reality of grace, to support us on our journey to wholeness, to normalize our feelings of disap- pointment, and to prepare us for ultimate heal- ing. Let us come together often this Epiphany season and throughout the year to give thanks to a God who loves us through it all! Faithfully Yours, JANUARY 2013 JANUARY 2013 JANUARY 2013 JANUARY 2013 GOOD SHEPHERD LUTHERAN CHURCH & SCHOOL GOOD SHEPHERD LUTHERAN CHURCH & SCHOOL GOOD SHEPHERD LUTHERAN CHURCH & SCHOOL GOOD SHEPHERD LUTHERAN CHURCH & SCHOOL CELEBRATING 60 YEARS IN GOD’S SERVICE CELEBRATING 60 YEARS IN GOD’S SERVICE CELEBRATING 60 YEARS IN GOD’S SERVICE CELEBRATING 60 YEARS IN GOD’S SERVICE Dear Faithful People of Good Shepherd, Herding cats is a saying that refers to an attempt to control or organize a class of entities which are uncontrollable or chaotic. Gathering family and friends for a Christmas get-together is sometime like that. Many hosts experience ex- haustion and frustration similar to Martha. (Luke 10:40). Those who “traverse afar” (like the magi) are often road weary and stressed from traffic and tolls. Some expectations are realized, yet many are not. Disappointment in events, people, yourself, and maybe even God often is the source of the after-Christmas blues. Grief becomes raw again as we encounter empty chairs and can no longer pretend that our loved ones are away on a vacation. Often the way we “celebrate” Emmanuel (God with us) causes us to rub hard against the brokenness of creation. Add all of this to a national tragedy, and it is clear that this holy holiday can be emotionally traumatic indeed. As a Fire Service Chaplain I received training in Comprehensive Acute Traumatic Stress Man- agement through the American Academy of Ex- perts in Traumatic Stress. This training empha- sizes the following steps in helping individuals to survive and thrive during and following a traumatic experience: Connect, Ground, Sup- port, Normalize, and Prepare. While it may be the job of the chaplain, social worker or psy- chologist to work though these steps with vic- tims of traumatic stress following a catastro- phic event like Hurricane Sandy and the Sandy Hook shootings, I believe this framework is helpful in understanding the way in which God ministers to us in our post-Christmas distress as well. Connect- God connects with us in the birth of Christ, when the Word becomes flesh and tents among us. (John 1:14). Our God is with us, shar- ing our hardships and struggles in this same chaotic world. Ground-The true meaning of the birth of Christ was never about having the perfect Christmas goose and glowing fire or even about giving the perfect gift. God is grounding us in a new real-

January Newsletter

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God knows all God knows all God knows all God knows all

about us about us about us about us ————

even about our even about our even about our even about our

weakness and sin weakness and sin weakness and sin weakness and sin ————

and lovingly ex-and lovingly ex-and lovingly ex-and lovingly ex-

tends grace and tends grace and tends grace and tends grace and

hope to us through hope to us through hope to us through hope to us through

Jesus. We will not Jesus. We will not Jesus. We will not Jesus. We will not

be abandoned.be abandoned.be abandoned.be abandoned.

This loving God sent This loving God sent This loving God sent This loving God sent

his Son, Jesus, to his Son, Jesus, to his Son, Jesus, to his Son, Jesus, to

connect with us in an connect with us in an connect with us in an connect with us in an

intimate way, to intimate way, to intimate way, to intimate way, to

ground us in theground us in theground us in theground us in the

reality of grace, to reality of grace, to reality of grace, to reality of grace, to

support us on our support us on our support us on our support us on our

journey to whole-journey to whole-journey to whole-journey to whole-

ness, to normalize ness, to normalize ness, to normalize ness, to normalize

our feelings ofour feelings ofour feelings ofour feelings of

disappointment, and disappointment, and disappointment, and disappointment, and

to prepare us for to prepare us for to prepare us for to prepare us for

ultimate healing. ultimate healing. ultimate healing. ultimate healing.

ity—Our Savior is Born! There is a truth here that pertains directly to you and to all of crea-tion as well. The darkness will be overcome! (Isaiah 9:2) Support- Saint Paul reminds us, “But God proves his love for us in that while we still were sinners Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8) God knows all about us—even about our weakness and sin—and lovingly extends grace and hope to us through Jesus. We will not be abandoned. Normalize- Jesus teaches us to understand the world and sin for what they are. God reminds us that our feelings of disappointment and our laments over the brokenness of creation are nor-mal. Jesus himself wept over Jerusalem. (Luke 19:41). The Good news is that God in Christ has the victory and that the power of the resurrec-tion triumphs!

Prepare- God empowers us to stand like John the Baptist in the river of life and to prepare the way for the Good news of Jesus Christ. Each time we are fed by God when we share in Holy Communion we remember that Christ died, Christ is risen. Christ will come again! We know that God has a beautiful plan that is un-folding and that we are in that grace-filled plan!

Brothers and sisters, we worship and believe in a God who cares deeply about our traumatic inju-ries. This loving God sent his Son, Jesus, to con-nect with us in an intimate way, to ground us in the reality of grace, to support us on our journey to wholeness, to normalize our feelings of disap-pointment, and to prepare us for ultimate heal-ing. Let us come together often this Epiphany season and throughout the year to give thanks to a God who loves us through it all!

Faithfully Yours,

J A N U A R Y 2 0 1 3J A N U A R Y 2 0 1 3J A N U A R Y 2 0 1 3J A N U A R Y 2 0 1 3

GOOD SHEPHERD LUTHERAN CHURCH & SCHOOLGOOD SHEPHERD LUTHERAN CHURCH & SCHOOLGOOD SHEPHERD LUTHERAN CHURCH & SCHOOLGOOD SHEPHERD LUTHERAN CHURCH & SCHOOL

CELEBRATING 60 YEARS IN GOD’S SERVICECELEBRATING 60 YEARS IN GOD’S SERVICECELEBRATING 60 YEARS IN GOD’S SERVICECELEBRATING 60 YEARS IN GOD’S SERVICE

Dear Faithful People of Good Shepherd, Herding cats is a saying that refers to an attempt to control or organize a class of entities which are uncontrollable or chaotic. Gathering family and friends for a Christmas get-together is sometime like that. Many hosts experience ex-haustion and frustration similar to Martha. (Luke 10:40). Those who “traverse afar” (like the magi) are often road weary and stressed from traffic and tolls. Some expectations are realized, yet many are not. Disappointment in events, people, yourself, and maybe even God often is the source of the after-Christmas blues. Grief becomes raw again as we encounter empty chairs and can no longer pretend that our loved ones are away on a vacation. Often the way we “celebrate” Emmanuel (God with us) causes us to rub hard against the brokenness of creation. Add all of this to a national tragedy, and it is clear that this holy holiday can be emotionally traumatic indeed. As a Fire Service Chaplain I received training in Comprehensive Acute Traumatic Stress Man-agement through the American Academy of Ex-perts in Traumatic Stress. This training empha-sizes the following steps in helping individuals to survive and thrive during and following a traumatic experience: Connect, Ground, Sup-port, Normalize, and Prepare. While it may be the job of the chaplain, social worker or psy-chologist to work though these steps with vic-tims of traumatic stress following a catastro-phic event like Hurricane Sandy and the Sandy Hook shootings, I believe this framework is helpful in understanding the way in which God ministers to us in our post-Christmas distress as well. Connect- God connects with us in the birth of Christ, when the Word becomes flesh and tents among us. (John 1:14). Our God is with us, shar-ing our hardships and struggles in this same chaotic world. Ground-The true meaning of the birth of Christ was never about having the perfect Christmas goose and glowing fire or even about giving the perfect gift. God is grounding us in a new real-

On Monday, December 10, our Seniors enjoyed their 7th annual pre-Christmas Christmas Dinner Luncheon in the West Cottage. The tables were decorated with Lenox and Spode candlesticks while wonderful home-made delicacies were served on fine Chinette. After a cocktail 1/2 hour of shrimp cocktail, crabcakes, devilled eggs and a variety of cheeses that quickly disappeared, they sat down to dishes of turkey, ham, corn bread soufflé, ziti, sweet potatoes and string beans, all created from individual family recipes. Wine and conversations flowed throughout three full tables. And if that wasn’t enough to titillate the taste-buds...there were too many tasty deserts to even mention!

Children and disabled adults con-nected with the New Life Center will have a merrier Christmas thanks to your response. Our "Christmas Angel" appeal was a huge success which was obvious as the generous contributions of approximately 51 mem-bers of our congregation were sorted and packed to be delivered this week to those families in need. We hope you had the opportunity to participate as the angel tags flew quickly off the wreath! But please remember that there is a need at the New Life Center throughout the year and, the committee will present many other op-portunities for your help. We look forward to exceeding this year's number of 67 recipients in 2013. Sincere thanks to all our participants along with my fellow members of the committee of Social Minis-try.

- Submitted by Loretta Ruff

Our youth group has been enjoy-ing the holidays along with eve-ryone else. Un-fortunately, due to inclement weather on De-cember 9, we had

to postpone our trip to the Rockefeller Center and jazz vespers at St. Peter’s till the 26th of De-cember. We did take a trip to see the Trans-Siberian Orchestra, however, on December 15th. As always, they put on an amazing show, and we are hoping to make this an annual tradition to go see their uplifting and spiritual Christmas con-cert. Please check our weekly bulletin and on-line calendar for meeting dates and activities in Janu-ary as they become available.

- Submitted by Bobby Stainkamp

EVENT’S GOALEVENT’S GOALEVENT’S GOALEVENT’S GOAL: Pack 200,000 food packets in order to feed 500 children every day for one year. The food packets consist of rice, soy, dried vegetables and seasoning mix. These meals are nutritionally balanced to prevent malnutrition. You, along with hundreds of other volunteers, will pack the meals that will be sent to Haiti and to other locations locally and in the USA.

THE EVENT:THE EVENT:THE EVENT:THE EVENT: This is the third year Long Island Lutheran

High School is organizing/hosting this event on our Brookville, NY campus. It is open to all churches, religious denominations, youth groups, community organizations, schools, and busi-nesses, scouting or other groups, family or persons who want to participate. All ages are welcome, however, children under the children under the children under the children under the age of 10 need to be accompanied by a parent.age of 10 need to be accompanied by a parent.age of 10 need to be accompanied by a parent.age of 10 need to be accompanied by a parent.

The packing event will take place Thursday, April 11 through Saturday, April 13 from 9 a.m. to 9 p.m. daily in the Visscher Gymnasium at Long Island Lutheran High School. There will be day and evening packing sessions available each of the three scheduled days.

PARTICIPATION:PARTICIPATION:PARTICIPATION:PARTICIPATION: The funds to purchase the food will

come from donations like yours. Every $60 donated entitles one person to take part in a 2-hour packing session. However, dona-tions in any amount are gratefully accepted. Please note that a large percentage of the packaged food will be used to feed chil-dren locally and 100% of all donations are used to purchase meal supplies.

A few notes about donationsA few notes about donationsA few notes about donationsA few notes about donations: ✛ Making a donation does not obligate you to

take part in the meal packing.

✛ Donations of all sizes are encouraged and appreciated.

✛ Donors can choose to have contributions of $60 or more sponsor other persons who want to pack the food.

✛ Donations must be received by February 1, 2013 to ensure delivery of dried food in time for the packing event.

All participants and groups must pre-register. Please contact the church office at 516-349-1699 or [email protected] before January 21, 2013 if you would like to participate. Good Shepherd will be submitting a blanket registration on behalf of our group. Your donations should be payable to Good Shepherd Lu-theran Church, and we will forward only one check to Lutheran High School.

PLEASE RESERVE YOUR PACKING SESSION THROUGH GOOD SHEPHERD LUTHERAN PLEASE RESERVE YOUR PACKING SESSION THROUGH GOOD SHEPHERD LUTHERAN PLEASE RESERVE YOUR PACKING SESSION THROUGH GOOD SHEPHERD LUTHERAN PLEASE RESERVE YOUR PACKING SESSION THROUGH GOOD SHEPHERD LUTHERAN CHURCH AS SOON AS POSSIBLECHURCH AS SOON AS POSSIBLECHURCH AS SOON AS POSSIBLECHURCH AS SOON AS POSSIBLE

We are working through the national organization Kids Against Hunger on this project. You may go to their website, www.kidsagainsthunger.orgwww.kidsagainsthunger.orgwww.kidsagainsthunger.orgwww.kidsagainsthunger.org for further information. Food packets will go to the Andrew Grene School near Port au Prince. Additionally, a large percentage of the food will be donated locally and around the USA.

This is going to be a HUGE EVENTHUGE EVENTHUGE EVENTHUGE EVENT but it can’t happen without PEOPLE LIKE YOU.PEOPLE LIKE YOU.PEOPLE LIKE YOU.PEOPLE LIKE YOU.

OUR CONGREGATION HAS PARTICIPATEDIN THIS EVENT SINCE ITS INCEPTIONOUR CONGREGATION HAS PARTICIPATEDIN THIS EVENT SINCE ITS INCEPTIONOUR CONGREGATION HAS PARTICIPATEDIN THIS EVENT SINCE ITS INCEPTIONOUR CONGREGATION HAS PARTICIPATEDIN THIS EVENT SINCE ITS INCEPTION

LAST YEAR, LUHI WAS EXCITED TO EXCEED ITS GOAL BY PACKING 309,234 MEALS!LAST YEAR, LUHI WAS EXCITED TO EXCEED ITS GOAL BY PACKING 309,234 MEALS!LAST YEAR, LUHI WAS EXCITED TO EXCEED ITS GOAL BY PACKING 309,234 MEALS!LAST YEAR, LUHI WAS EXCITED TO EXCEED ITS GOAL BY PACKING 309,234 MEALS!

WITH OUR HELP ONCE AGAIN IN 2013,WE CAN ALL MAKE A DIFFERENCE!WITH OUR HELP ONCE AGAIN IN 2013,WE CAN ALL MAKE A DIFFERENCE!WITH OUR HELP ONCE AGAIN IN 2013,WE CAN ALL MAKE A DIFFERENCE!WITH OUR HELP ONCE AGAIN IN 2013,WE CAN ALL MAKE A DIFFERENCE!

LuHi MEAL PACKING EVENT 2013LuHi MEAL PACKING EVENT 2013LuHi MEAL PACKING EVENT 2013LuHi MEAL PACKING EVENT 2013 Your hands feeding hungry childrenYour hands feeding hungry childrenYour hands feeding hungry childrenYour hands feeding hungry children around the world and around the corner around the world and around the corner around the world and around the corner around the world and around the corner

Page 4

T H O S E P R E P A R I N GT H O S E P R E P A R I N GT H O S E P R E P A R I N GT H O S E P R E P A R I N G

F O R O R D A I N E D M I N I S T RF O R O R D A I N E D M I N I S T RF O R O R D A I N E D M I N I S T RF O R O R D A I N E D M I N I S T R YYYY

T H O S E I N N E E DT H O S E I N N E E DT H O S E I N N E E DT H O S E I N N E E D

O F H E A L I N GO F H E A L I N GO F H E A L I N GO F H E A L I N G

WE PRAY FOR...

Mike Adams (Maureen Cooke’s brother-in-law), Anne Araco (Lori Tollefsen’s mother), Maureen Kelly Araujo, Annette & Bill Benson, Carol Berardino, John Binsfeld (Benner family friend), Martin Boltizar (Louise Lamont’s cousin), Larry Brokaw (Amy Pietrofere’s step-father), Lynne Carlson (Irma’s daughter-in-law), Claudia Churchill (Amy Pietrofere’s mother), Lorraine Cu (Marta Scherer’s friend), Chris Cucci and his family (Naomi Hulver’s student), Rita Cunningham (Cronin family friend), Ken Dixon (Pastor Eric’s friend), Susan Dowd (Maisch family friend), Ryan Faret & his family, James Fields (Vincent and Dorothy Cronin’s nephew), Mary Gessing (Dorothy and Vincent Cronin’s cousin), Erika Green, Natalie Heauren (Eleanor Pearson’s cousin), Bodey Johnson (Karl & Carol Bur-feindt’s great grandson), Jake (Maisch family friend) and his family, Lillian Kassan (Jeff’s mother), Robert Kraus (Naomi Hulver’s friend), Lisa Krenkel (Terry Miccio’s cousin); Toni Anne LaGois, Francis Lee (Helen Kopf’s son), Diane Lisa (Cathy Vollono’s friend), Max Ludewig, Bea McCabe, Pastor Fred McElderry (St. Andrew’s in West Hempstead), John Meyer (Lori Defilippis’s father), Helga Mitze, Mary Ellen Moyse (George’s wife), Gail Molo-ney, Leida Munoz (Marta Scherer’s friend), Jeanne Neff (Mary Wiegert’s mother), Ruth Odwazny, Keith Perry (Bonnie Beach-Gadigian’s friend), Joan Peterson (Eleanor Pearson’s sister in law) Bob Podewils, Nick Portugal (Liam Broggy’s friend), Janice Rid-ings (Rickmeyer family friend), Justin Rogers (Karin Kienle’s nephew) and his parents Christine & Tom Greenwood, Fred Ruff, Ash-ley Ruth, Julia Sapienza, Glenn Schabel, Mar-garet Schulze (Judy Hinsch’s friend), Arlene Schroeder (Virginia’s sister in law), Genevieve Sounia, Ian Spadaro, Maria Spergel (Suzanna Allan’s mother), Joyce Tare, Peggy Taylor (Amy Pietrofere’s friend), Leon Thompson (Lisa Olsen’s father), and Doreen Winter (Elaine Cassimatis’s friend).

T H O S E S E R V I N GT H O S E S E R V I N GT H O S E S E R V I N GT H O S E S E R V I N G

I N T H E M I L I T A R YI N T H E M I L I T A R YI N T H E M I L I T A R YI N T H E M I L I T A R Y

Keith & Kyle Calderone (Army), Specialist Sean Hassett (Lori Mason’s cousin), David Jacobs (Joyce Tare’s nephew, Alec & Madi-son’s cousin), Sgt. Vincent Mezick, CPT. Paul Rickmeyer, LTC. Phillip Sounia, USMC Lance Corporal Nicholas Ventrelli-O’Connell (Patty Larson’s family friend), and Christo-pher Zito (Mary Knotek’s friend).

Roger Griffith & Nick Sollom

The friends and family of Robert Fiedler and the people of Newtown, CT.

T H O S E W H O A R E G R I E V IT H O S E W H O A R E G R I E V IT H O S E W H O A R E G R I E V IT H O S E W H O A R E G R I E V I N GN GN GN G

T H O S E W H O A R E T H O S E W H O A R E T H O S E W H O A R E T H O S E W H O A R E

C E L E B R A T I N GC E L E B R A T I N GC E L E B R A T I N GC E L E B R A T I N G

Benjamin Chester & his friends and family (the Moloney family) as Benjamin was baptized at our Church on January 6.

DATE SERVICE ASSISTING MINISTER LECTOR FLOWER CARE

January 6

Epiphany of Our Lord 10:00 a.m. Terry Miccio Anne RIckmeyer Maryellen Collins

January 13

Baptism of Our Lord 10:00 a.m. John Hinsch Judy Hinsch Maryellen Collins

January 20

Second Sunday after Epiphany 10:00 a.m. Anne Rickmeyer Danielle Volllono Judy Hinsch

January 27

Third Sunday after Epiphany 10:00 a.m. John Schwaninger Paul Hinsch Judy Hinsch

During the month of January, we will be collecting new hats & gloves for the needy. Your responses to our monthly requests are always so greatly

appreciated. As always, the need for food is ongoing.

Thank you for your generosity.

YOUR 2013 OFFERING ENVELOPES are waiting for you on the table in the narthex. They are placed in the order in which they were packed by the printer and go from A – Z starting from the right and

going to the left. Please pick yours up today! Thank you!

It is with much sadness that we advise you of the sudden passing of Robert Fiedler on Friday, December 14. Services were held here at Good Shepherd on Wednesday, December 19, followed by internment at St. Margaret’s Episcopal Church/Cemetery on Washington Avenue. Please keep the Fiedler family in your prayers as we begin this new year.

ROBERT W. FIEDLERROBERT W. FIEDLERROBERT W. FIEDLERROBERT W. FIEDLER

April 5, 1949 April 5, 1949 April 5, 1949 April 5, 1949 –––– December 14, 2012 December 14, 2012 December 14, 2012 December 14, 2012

Memorial cards are available in the nar-thex and through our church office. Dona-tions in Robert’s memory may be made to Flashes of Hope (www.flashesofhope.org) or to Good Shepherd Lutheran Church.

Editor Joe Dowd: Heard some news you want us to check out?

Let me know: [email protected]

At Good Shepherd, there were parents, abiding in a field, keeping watch over their children Sunday night. The music of little angels came upon them, and the glory of their sounds shone all around them. And on this day, in the community that is Plainview, a tradition of music and family was again reborn. The glad tidings were delivered on a hillside at Good Shepherd Lutheran Church Sunday night, illuminated by the voices of little children and young adults beneath the shimmering light of a thousand bulbs. The annual Christmas tree lighting drew together a remarkable assembly of public leaders and per-haps 200 private people in an evening of song, light, and peace on earth. The most calloused cynic could not but notice the hope filling that field. Public officials of different faiths and political leanings stood side-by-side to raise their voices in song with those children. Good Shepherd's Pastor Eric Olsen beamed ear-to-ear as the Plainview JFK Choir performed. The group, under the dynamic direction of Adam Paltrowitz, was singing its trade-mark holiday piece: "Siyahamba," or "Marching in the Light of God," sung in English and Swahili to a distinctive African beat The smallest children appeared on stage and they all sang carols together. Then, sirens split the chilled night air. The Plain-view Fire Department was en route. Some in the crowd became fearful; was something wrong? They had not noticed Pastor Olsen placing a cell phone call during the singing. Fear not: Plainview's Ladder 3 pulled in with Santa atop the tiller. St. Nick climbed down from the fire truck to the wonder of the children. As if by magic, the Jolly Old Elf set the great evergreen ablaze with light. And if there were Angels in those fields, they surely proclaimed: "Glory to God in the Highest. And on earth peace peace peace peace to those on whom his favor rests."

Mr. Joe Dowd, Editor

Originally published 11/30/12 www.plainviewpatch.com

Reprinted with permission

UPDATE FOR JANUARY 2013

WITH COUNSELING SITES LOCATED IN: NASSAU SUFFOLK MANHATTAN QUEENS WESTCHESTER

Prepared especially for LCC Association Congregations & Schools

Many therapists report an increase in intergen-

erational conflict involving parents and their teen-

age, nearly grown or grown children. Many of the

cases I regularly review and supervise at LCC re-

veal this trend. One therapist in California noticed

this increase and offered a six session seminar. He

expected about 50 parents to sign up, but instead

got 400! What’s behind this increase? Obviously,

cultural influences are factors, such as the “me-

first” mentality that often undermines traditional

values of relationship. Our culture prizes individual

fulfillment, which contributes to divorce and es-

trangement---both of couples and between children

and parents. Similarly, the “feel good” emphasis in

our culture can weaken the ties that hold parents

and children together--making them more transi-

tional than immutable. The technological world of

cell phones and internet also contributes as texts

and emails replace face-to-face conversations.

Most of the cases in my supervision practice that

present with this kind of problem involve divorce or

separation. The anguish of separated parents deal-

ing with ‘acting out’ teen-agers can be horrendous,

and the fear, pain and anger of the teen-ager,

while often masked, denied and expressed in defi-

ant behavior, are nevertheless palpable. Com-

monly, one of the parents brings in an ‘acting out’

teen-ager for therapy. This means that one parent

is involved from the beginning. However, often the

other parent also becomes involved, and the case

becomes complex.

The issue of sorting out how to work with the

troubled family becomes paramount, especially

identifying the client or clients for treatment. Fre-

quently the dynamic is that the child is caught in

the anger patterns of the parents as they struggle

with divorce or with maintaining their relationship

in the midst of various crises and vicissitudes.

When divorce strikes, or when parents are deeply

imbedded in conflict, their behavior often regresses

to that of children. Some therapists contend that

the therapist should work with the family member

deemed to be the healthiest and best equipped to

bring an adult perspective to the situation---

sometimes even if it is the child!

The therapists at LCC are very much in line with

the modern therapy view that the role of the thera-

pist is to help each individual experience a deeper

sense of health and well-being---both in self and in

relationships. However, as a faith based counsel-

ing center, we also represent values that may go

against that view---at least for the short term. For

the most part we operate out of a view that family

reconciliation is preferable to family fracture. Only

the worst of the worst can change that principle.

Our cases also reveal the long-term conse-

quences of family fractures in their earlier lives---

ones in which an adult child has not spoken with a

parent or parents for many years, and now finds

himself or herself with troubling depression and /or

anxiety. Even more significant is the data that

nearly one in three parents who have experienced

prolonged estrangements from their children report

having contemplated suicide---nearly 10 times the

average rate.

To help avoid the worst of the worst, here are

some tips for parents, or other family members,

when faced with these challenging situations.

First, LISTEN, and encourage face-to-face talk-

ing. Hear your child out fully.

Second, be willing to acknowledge mistakes.

Even if your child is exaggerating, there is

usually a kernel of truth to the complaint.

Third, avoid guilt trips. Don’t try to prove your

child wrong!

Fourth, don’t give up too soon. Wait and wait,

but also reach out. Be patient. It may take

a long time.

Fifth, give advice, but be sure it is either

Contact Lutheran Counseling Center at 516-741-

0994 or 1-800-317-1173 or e-mail us at Cen-

[email protected] for more information or to set an ap-

pointment at any of our eight regular counseling

sites or at our temporary site in Staten Island.

Visit our website at www.lccny.org .

Anguished Parents & Estranged Kids

by Reverend Serge A. Castigliano, Ph.D., Senior Clinical Supervisor

At some point, early in the new year, Good Shepherd Lutheran Church will be hosting a six-week education class that is designed to enhance the well being of caregivers. The classes were developed by geriatric ex-perts and are part of the Lutheran Services in America Caregiver Suite, a portfolio of the Lutheran-branded models, products and programs for strengthening caregiver resources in America’s communities. Below is a

If you would like to submit an article for inclusion in our February 2013 newsletter, please eIf you would like to submit an article for inclusion in our February 2013 newsletter, please eIf you would like to submit an article for inclusion in our February 2013 newsletter, please eIf you would like to submit an article for inclusion in our February 2013 newsletter, please e----mail it to mail it to mail it to mail it to [email protected] on or before Thursday, January 18, 2013. Ministry Teams need to be [email protected] on or before Thursday, January 18, 2013. Ministry Teams need to be [email protected] on or before Thursday, January 18, 2013. Ministry Teams need to be [email protected] on or before Thursday, January 18, 2013. Ministry Teams need to be submitting regular monthly updates. Thank you very much!submitting regular monthly updates. Thank you very much!submitting regular monthly updates. Thank you very much!submitting regular monthly updates. Thank you very much!

Start off the new year with a resolution

t o host at least one coffee hour in 2013! We all have a great opportunity to participate in one of the more delightful activities in our church--Hosting the Sunday Morning Coffee Hour at the end of the service! It's a chance to get acquainted and to be appreciated. Please consider doing it one Sunday. No experience necessary, but if it's your first time and you‘re a little hesitant, we'll be there to guide and assist. If you are interested in hosting one at some point, please sign up in the narthex, and a member of our Evangelism Team will be in contact with you.

Dr. Stanley Bartkow

December 30

Carol & Karl Burfeindt

64 years on 1/2

Helga & William Mitze

64 years on 1/30

Mary & Warren Wiegert

32 years on 1/3

Kristina & Jordan Andrew

2 years on 1/22

John & Judy Cooke—1/2

Janet Banzer o– 1/20

Liam Broggy—1/11

Virginia Brown—1/27

Danielle DeFilippis—1/11

Debbie Dexter—1/6

Mikayla DiMartini—1/22

Diana Fox—1/19

Allison Haupt—1/22

John Hulver—1/14

Gavin Jansky—1/2

Grayson Kies - 1/9

Keegan McGowan—1/20

Trinity Parisey—1/24

Austin Passolo—1/11

Angelo Russon—1/24

Bailey Smith—1/26

Nicole Tollefsen—1/31