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TheEmotionsRoom-M.Demers/C.Ducharme
LCEEQConferenceFebruary2019
Copyright2019GordonNeufeld,Ph.D.andCEBM 1
KEYS TO RESILIENCE the capacity to return to optimal functioning or
to thrive under duress
Keys to True Resilience
THE EMOTIONS ROOM: SUPPORTING EMOTIONALLY
CHALLENGING STUDENTS IN AN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL SETTING
Martine Demers, MSpecEd, Behaviour Consultant Riverside School Board
Catherine Ducharme, BApplied Sciences, Special Education Technician, St. John’s School, RSB
Agenda 1. Introductions
2. Why an Emotions
3. Theoretical Framework – Understanding the Role of Emotion in Human Development
4. Setting up an Emotions Room
5. Using an Emotions Room
6. Questions
TheEmotionsRoom-M.Demers/C.Ducharme
LCEEQConferenceFebruary2019
Copyright2019GordonNeufeld,Ph.D.andCEBM 2
• A safe place to allow for and invite the expression of emotion for children who become overwhelmed.
• An opportunity to express emotions without repercussion. • Items in the room are there to support expression while
keeping everyone safe. • Allows the child to preserve their dignity. • Provides the conditions that will allow the child to ultimately
find their sadness and tears about all that is not working in their lives.
• Preserves the emotional and learning environment of other students and staff.
• One step in a continuum of interventions.
WHY AN EMOTIONS ROOM
IT IS NOT A “CALM DOWN” ROOM NOR AN ISOLATION ROOM
Based on the work of Dr. Gordon Neufeld
Canadian developmental psychologist,
Vancouver, B.C.
Hold on to your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter
More than Peers
the Attachment Key
the Vulnerability Key
the Maturation Key
DEVELOPMENTAL APPROACH
TheEmotionsRoom-M.Demers/C.Ducharme
LCEEQConferenceFebruary2019
Copyright2019GordonNeufeld,Ph.D.andCEBM 3
to emotional health and maturity
#1 Adult’s relationship to child’s feelings
#2 Child’s
relationship to own feelings
#3 Child’s relationship to others
expressing
naming
feeling
mixing
reflecting RESPONSIBLE SHARING
Defining EMOTION • to be stirred up
• to be moved to
- happens to us as opposed to under our control - is irrational although the brain has its reasons
- is meant to move us in ways that would serve us - creates an action potential that seeks
expression
“EMOTION NEEDS TO BE EXPRESSED”
EMOTION needs to be
EXPRESSED to preserve healthy functioning and well-
being
TheEmotionsRoom-M.Demers/C.Ducharme
LCEEQConferenceFebruary2019
Copyright2019GordonNeufeld,Ph.D.andCEBM 4
Emotions need to be expressed BUT… 1. Expression is often MESSY
& NOISY, CHAOTIC & UNACCEPTABLE, ALIENATING & WOUNDING
2. It can threaten a child’s attachments
3. The brain can depress emotion to maintain proximity with those to whom they are attached
Once the emotion has started, it needs to MOVE through.
Need to facilitate ATTACK, before FUTILITY (SADNESS AND TEARS) can
be found.
FACILITATING SAFE ERUPTIONS
THE EMOTIONS ROOM
TheEmotionsRoom-M.Demers/C.Ducharme
LCEEQConferenceFebruary2019
Copyright2019GordonNeufeld,Ph.D.andCEBM 5
HOW do we help? • Create and sustain ‘safe relationships’ with
caring adults who have a ‘soft heart’.
• Make it ‘safe and easy’ for a child to express emotion in a ‘space’ that respects their dignity.
• Help them hold on to their ‘safe relationship’ until they experience the emotion and then find their tears.
• Reflect their ‘tears of sadness’ as indicators of ‘strength’
• Knowing and identifying the child's needs – it’s important for adults to get to know the signs of 'potential or upcoming' eruption with their students.
• Intervene as early as possible • Maintain dignity at all times. • A team approach - when eruptions are long in duration, or a student is upset with one adult, switching adults can be a good intervention. Changing adult helps the adults to remain patient, calm, open and comforting.
FACILITATING SAFE ERUPTIONS
• Find the child’s natural bent for relieving foul frustration
• Come alongside when the child’s frustration is mild and suggest nonviolent ways of relieving the frustration
• Find ways of relieving some foul frustration together
• Model or SCRIPT nonviolent ways of relieving foul frustration
• Use times of strong connection to LEAD the child to ideas and good intentions regarding nonviolent eruptions
FACILITATING SAFE ERUPTIONS
TheEmotionsRoom-M.Demers/C.Ducharme
LCEEQConferenceFebruary2019
Copyright2019GordonNeufeld,Ph.D.andCEBM 6
• The use of silence is often very helpful to bring down the level of intensity
• Name the child's courage and effort with working through emotions.
• Safeguard their return, ensure they will not be exposed (fragility, vulnerability, protect from judging context).
• Explain that the 'student' was expressing/working through his/her big emotions
FACILITATING SAFE ERUPTIONS
- FACILITATING SAFE ERUPTIONS WITH TEENS -
• Allow for “swear” time
• Punching bag • Physical activity • Use of a “sh…” book
ERUPTIONS AND ATTACKING ARE CONSIDERED A DOORWAY TO
ACCESSING SADNESS AND TEARS
EMOTIONS ROOM HOW THE ROOM IS TO BE USED: ü One student at a time. ü The child is shown how the room is used, this can be done
through play. ü The adult comes along side the child to help to facilitate the
expression of their emotions, especially frustration. ü The child is given permission for the full expression of
frustration like throwing stuffed animals, swinging pool noodles, kicking balls, screaming, swearing, and punching bean bags.
ü The child is accompanied by an adult throughout their visit.
ü Duration of the visit dependent on the child’s needs.
ü The ultimate goal is tears.
TheEmotionsRoom-M.Demers/C.Ducharme
LCEEQConferenceFebruary2019
Copyright2019GordonNeufeld,Ph.D.andCEBM 7
Adaptation requires
a soft heart and a safe place to cry
Adaptation: process by which I am changed by
that which I cannot change
EMOTIONS ROOM – SAFE CRYING ROOM
1. Start by talking about and reflecting back the Emotion i. Frustration: “That didn’t work for you.”
“That was not what you had in mind.” ii. Alarm: “That was scary.” “You weren’t
sure what was going to happen”. iii. Seeking: “You really wanted them to like
you.” 2. MATCH THE EMOTION with your tone of
voice. 3. THEN: Move subtly towards SADNESS by
allowing a tinge of sadness in your voice.
HELPING THE TEARS TO FLOW
4. When a child starts to cry: i. DON’T ASK WHY ii. DON’T MINIMIZE. If the reason seems
trivial it is because the child cannot face the true reason for their sadness. ACCEPT ANY REASON FOR TEARS
5. Don’t try to reassure too quickly. Resist the Alpha instincts to make things better. HOLD in the SADNESS.
6. Give lots of space to SADNESS and TEARS. 7. Wait to problem solve until well after the
tears.
HELPING THE TEARS TO FLOW
TheEmotionsRoom-M.Demers/C.Ducharme
LCEEQConferenceFebruary2019
Copyright2019GordonNeufeld,Ph.D.andCEBM 8
AN OLDER CHILD
1. SAD BOOKS, MOVIES, YOUTUBE etc.
2. IN A DARK ROOM – IN A DARK CAR
3. SHOULDER TO SHOULDER
4. SLIGHT TINGE OF SADNESS IN VOICE
5. NORMALIZE SADNESS AND TEARS
6. Once tears appear, if resistant, CHANGE THE TOPIC BUT REJOICE IN THE SADNESS
HELPING THE TEARS TO FLOW
SETTING UP AN EMOTIONS ROOM
LOCATION: • DESIGNATED FOR INTERVENTION • EASILY ACCESSIBLE • NOISE LEVEL • BUT SEPARATE FROM THE CLASSROOMS • A SMALLER, CONTAINED SPACE
CONDITIONS: • SUPPORT OF ADMINISTRATOR • STAFF UNDERSTANDING AND ACCEPTANCE • TRAINED STAFF • A BUDGET FOR SETTING UP THE ROOM
1. Foam tiles or a thick floor mat
2. Special dim lighting (must be unbreakable)
3. Soft seating area, such as a bean bag chair, for providing comfort
4. Calming scene on the wall 5. Big gym mattress 6. Large rubber exercise ball
SET UP OF THE ROOM
TheEmotionsRoom-M.Demers/C.Ducharme
LCEEQConferenceFebruary2019
Copyright2019GordonNeufeld,Ph.D.andCEBM 9
Different kinds of expression 1. Throwing:
a) Stuffed animals/puppets b) Balls c) Velcro balls d) Magic mitt
2. Kicking/stomping: a) To and fro ball b) Gym mats c) Bubble wrap d) Mini trampoline
SET UP OF THE ROOM
Different kinds of expression 3. Hitting:
a) Pillows b) Pool noodles c) Balloons d) Punching bag e) Exercise ball
4. Screaming: a) Screaming tube b) Blowing up a balloon
5. Other: a) White Board for scribbling b) Paper/thick cardboard for
ripping
SET UP OF THE ROOM
CHILDREN’S QUOTES EMOTIONS ROOM
« I hit the teddy bears and pillows and it helps get the bad energy out »
« There’s more space in there to mess around and throw stuff around…there are things you can punch. It helps me get my anger out »
« I used it to calm down by building a fort with mats and pillows and hiding underneath »
« I can be in peace there, reading helps me calm down »
« It’s nice and quiet. It’s comfortable »
« I hugged the teddy bear to feel better »
TheEmotionsRoom-M.Demers/C.Ducharme
LCEEQConferenceFebruary2019
Copyright2019GordonNeufeld,Ph.D.andCEBM 10
by Bill Watterson Calvin and Hobbes
STUDENTS WITH CHALLENGING BEHAVIOURS ARE JUST TRYING TO TELL US THAT THEY NEED US TO HELP THEM.
What to do with a child’s EMOTIONS
INVITE THEM
embrace them
name t
hem protect them
monitor them
support them
normalize
them
listen to them
find the right mix
treasure them
read them
HAVE PATIENCE WITH THEM
answer them
COME ALONGSIDE THEM
Eva de Gosztonyi, Martine Demers, Catherine Korah Centre of Excellence for Behaviour Management
www.cebm.ca
A website that helps schools to use Neufeld’s Developmental Approach.