FADE IN:

EXT. SUBURBAN WASHINGTON - NIGHT

The camera floats above the clouds, slowly getting closer and closer to the lit-up townhouses and condos below.

About a hundred feet up, our perspective picks up speed, faster and and faster until THWICK! The camera crash lands in the bushes of someone’s driveway.

The camera blinks. We’re in the POV of something strange. Something small, disoriented, and not of this world.

Its dimly lit, but clearly not human hands feebly pry apart a clump of branches revealing a cozy two-story house. The house belongs to THE APPLEBAUMS. Its living room lights are on, and from outside we can hear laughter.

INT. APPLEBAUM HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

A FIRE roars as MIKE APPLEBAUM(mid 30s, affable TV commercial husband material, down the dorky sweater and small beer gut) flips on his gas burning fireplace. He turns to his guests, pleased as punch.

MIKEPretty sick, huh?

His guests are less enthused, but go with it. COOP BEAMAN(mid 30s, similarly business casual but quite a bit more dashing) and his squeeze LISA(20s, too young for the party both literally and metaphorically) feign interest.

LISAFancy.

COOPNot bad. How much that run you?

MIKEThat’s the thing, Judy and I figured out that after the inspection, it would reduce our home owner’s insurance enough that over two years this baby pays for itself.

Mike pats the glass proudly then turns to the silent corner of the room.

MIKE (CONT’D)What do you think, Delilah?

DELILAH(30s, but not dressing for it) stares dumbfounded in the middle of taking a long swig from an IPA. She wipes her mouth and tries to think of what to say.

DELILAHIt’s a fireplace alright.

Mike is disheartened. His wife JUDY APPLEBAUM(30s, the suburban yin to Mike’s yang) steps in and drags him back down to the couch.

JUDYWe’ve only just been able to play enjoy the new place for a few days, he’s still giddy about it. You should have seen him when they winter proofed the windows.

Mike perks up, ready to explain, but Judy’s eyes tell him to back down.

DELILAHYou remember what we did to the fireplace we had back at P-Street?

JUDYOh, yeah. I remember.

MIKEWe remember.

COOPI don’t.

DELILAHYou don’t remember this?

COOPNope.

DELILAHBut you were there. You must have been. It was 2002, I remember because we were watching the winter olymp-- no, you were still at Eastern finishing up your theatre degree.

LISATheatre degree?

2.

COOPTheatre production. Production. Just tell the story.

DELILAHNot much of a story, we just got real high and wanted to make s’mores- Why did we want to make s’mores?

JUDYBecause Breanne kept quoting The Sandlot all night like she wrote the damn thing or something.

MIKEIt was over a decade ago, I’m all yours now, you can let it go.

JUDYI’m not jealous, I just don’t thinnk quoting movie lines is funny. “For-ev-er.” Huh. You’re real fucking funny, Breanne.

DELILAHAnyway, we decide we can’t just make them over the stove, because we had an electric range and

COOPElectric ranges suck.

DELILAHExactly.

Delilah kills her beer and gets up and walks to the kitchen.

DELILAH (CONT’D)So anyway, we’re toasted ourselves, Mike and Judy particularly-- You guys want anything?

The gang shakes their heads no. Delilah sees an empty six pack box in the fridge, so she goes for the wine instead, pouring herself a drink while telling the story.

DELILAH (CONT’D)We’d never lit a fire before, we didn’t have any wood, so we use everything we can find, pizza boxes, old tests, Mike was being a regular boy scout about it.

3.

(MORE)

Except none of us knew how to open the floo or the vent, you know, the thing that lets the air go out. So the thing goes up like fuckingBurning Man but the smoke has nowhere to go, so not only is the fire not starting, but we’re destroying place in the process. We spent hours trying and all we managed to do was fuck our security deposit.

MIKEWouldn’t have been a problem if we had one of these back then.

DELILAHYeah, but then we couldn’t have made s’mores.

LISADid you? Ever make the s’mores.

DELILAHYou know, I don’t think we even had the stuff to make s’mores. Huh. Guess we didn’t think to check..

EXT. APPLEBAUM HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

The creature studies them from outside, their conversation mostly inaudible. A SOUND from the woods startles the creature. It looks to find its origin: a raccoon.

Panicked, the creature rushes for cover under The Applebaum’sporch, cutting itself in the process. Bright orange blood stains the corner of the front porch.

INT. APPLEBAUM HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Lisa and Coop stand by the door, ready to leave. Mike hands them their coats. Coop offers to help Lisa put hers on, but she coldly grabs it from him and does it herself.

MIKEThanks again for coming.

COOPThanks for inviting us.

4.

DELILAH (CONT’D)

LISAIt’s a lovely house, you two are going to make a lot of memories here.

Delilah rolls her eyes at this in the living room.

JUDYYou two are welcome here any time.

MIKEDrive safe.

They exit. Mike and Judy take a seat by Delilah. There’s an awkward pause followed by a nervous laugh from Delilah.

JUDYWhat?

DELILAHNothing, it’s just you guys... You seem like adults.

MIKEWe are adults.

JUDYSo are you if my math is right. You’re what, 35?

DELILAHI’m 34, thank you very much. But I mean, you’ve got the house, the yard, the sweaters, you’ve got a spice rack for Christ’s sake.

MIKEI like to cook.

DELILAHSo much you need a whole spinning rack of spices at the ready. Are you even in a situation where you only have three seconds to acquire caraway?

JUDYYou’re saying we’re boring.

DELILAHI didn’t say that. You’ve... nested.

5.

(MORE)

Which is fine, I’m not knocking it, I just never would have expected that you guys of all people would become so... boring. Yes. Sorry.

Delilah laughs it off as playful ribbing. Mike joins in, but Judy isn’t pleased. She gets up.

DELILAH (CONT’D)What? Judy, c’mon, where are you going?

JUDYI’m going to bed. Us boring people have work in the morning. You can crash on the couch.

DELILAHI’m fine, I can just-

Judy chucks her linens.

JUDYI insist.

Judy exits. Mike quickly helps Delilah make the couch. Delilah clearly feels awful.

MIKERelax. She’ll be fine in the morning. You two always work it out. See you in the morning.

INT. APPLEBAUM BEDROOM - NIGHT

Mike enters and collapses on the bed. Judy is taking her makeup off in the adjoining bathroom.

MIKEWell that was fun.

JUDYMhm.

MIKEGood to see the old gang again.

JUDYUhuh.

MIKEDelilah didn’t mean it, she just had a few too many.

6.

DELILAH (CONT'D)

JUDYYou know, you stop getting to use the “I had a few too many” what you have that many every night. At a certain point you’re just an asshole.

Mike walks over to Judy, hugs her from behind.

MIKEShe’s having a tough time. What else do she have going on in her life?

While he’s talking, Mike starts peeing in full view of Judy.

MIKE (CONT’D)She’s probably just jealous of what we have and she doesn’t even know it. I mean sure, the whole Bohemian lifestyle might be fun for a while, but eventually everyone wants what we have. To start a family. Maybe she just needs more time to see how great we have it.

Mike zips up, flushes, puts the seat down (because he’s a goddamn gentleman) and washes his hands.

MIKE (CONT’D)Face it, hon, we’re livin’ the dream.

They kiss. It’s unflatteringly lit, a little awkward, but still very sweet.

MIKE (CONT’D)I love you.

JUDYI love you too.

EXT. APPLEBAUM HOUSE - NIGHT

Delilah sneaks a cigarette on the front porch. She looks at the other houses with both envy and disdain. She sees the upstairs livingroom lights go out as Mike and Judy go to bed.

Delilah ashes her cigarette right next to the creature’s orange blood from earlier. She spots it.

DELILAHWhat the hell?

7.

Creature’s POV from underneath the porch or Delilah towering over it.

Delilah prods at the blood, inspecting it. She looks around for what might have left it. Sees nothing. She peers over the porch, getting closer and closer to seeing the creature.

The creature’s breathing increases. Delilah is inches from seeing it when: ERRGGNNG ERRGGNNG ERRGGNNG! The Applebaum’salarm system goes off.

Delilah quickly throws the cigarette away and tries to sneak inside.

INT. APPLEBAUM HOUSE - FOYER - NIGHT

Delilah frantically tries to shut off the alarm panel to no avail. A sleepy Judy enters and turns it off with ease.

DELILAHI’m so sorry, I just stepped out for a-

Before she can finish, Judy is already heading back upstairs.

JUDYGo to bed, Delilah.

Delilah stands there, taking in her words, already having comppletley forgotten what she saw outside.

INT. APPLEBAUM HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY

Delilah works in the kitchen, juggling making eggs, toast, and the like. Mike and Judy enter, clearly surprised to see her up and productive.

DELILAH‘Morning!

MIKE/JUDYMorning..

DELILAHCoffee’s on the table, still need a little more time on the eggs.

JUDYThis is so sweet, you didn’t have to do this.

8.

DELILAHIt’s the least I can do. I was not my best self last night, plus you were so nice to let me crash here, also I never get a chance to cook in a kitchen this nice.

Delilah sets down a plate for everyone and sits down. Mike and Judy adlib thank yous and start eating.

JUDYYou know, this weekend’s Labour Day, we were going to go up to my dad’s cabin. Why don’t you come along? We can invite Coop and Lisa, you can bring a boyfriend if you have one-

DELILAHDon’t know about the boyfriend, but yeah, that sounds fun.

Mike reaches to the center of the table, spins his spice rack, grabs salt and pepper with ease.

MIKESpice rack, mo-fucka!

Overhead shot of the spinning spice rack.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. VIDEO STORE - DAY

A record spins on a turntable playing cool hipster Seattle bullshit. Delilah enters and heads behind the counter.

OL’ HIPPY BOSSIt’s ten fifteen, Delilah.

DELILAHI got caught in traffic.

OL’ HIPPY BOSSAt ten in the morning?

DELILAHIt’s Seattle, don’t blame me, blame Amazon, Microsoft and our legislators for not properly funding infrastructure and public transportation.

9.

(MORE)

(caught)Ok, fine, I stopped for coffee.

OL’ HIPPY BOSSHold the fort, I’m stepping out for an hour.

DELILAHSure thing, Boss.

Ol’ Hippy Boss steps out, Delilah plays “John Carpenters’ The Thing” on the store TV. It’s a particularly gruesome scene.

DELILAH (CONT’D)(delighted)

Gross.

INT. SECURICARE OFFICES - DAY

Mike crunches numbers in a bleak cubicle. The business casual look not exactly doing wonders on his appearance.

Judy sits at a similar desk, on the phone.

JUDYSecuricare Insurance, this is Judy. I’m afraid I can’t help you with that particular problem, but I can transfer you to claim management. Sure. One second.

Judy punches in a number on her phone and hangs up.

Mike answers his phone.

MIKESecuricare Claim Management, this is Mike. Yes. What is your claim number? And your name? Can you spell that?

Judy staples and highlights documents.

Mike enters info into an Excel sheet.

MIKE (CONT’D)Perfect. You should receive a confirmation email within the hour. Thank you. B-bye.

Mike hangs up. Stares blankly at his computer.

10.

DELILAH (CONT'D)

MIKE (CONT’D)It’s only 9:30.

JUDYI know.

MIKEIt’s going to be a long, fuckingday.

JUDYI know.

MIKEAnyone looking?

JUDYAll clear.

MIKEGood.

A wide shot reveals Mike and Judy are sitting back to back in the same cubicle. They spin around and kiss each other briefly before going back to their work.

MIKE (CONT’D)Love you.

JUDYLove you too.

INT. VIDEO STORE - DAY

Delilah hands A CUSTOMER a small stack of DVDs.

DELILAHThey’re due back by thursday. Have a great week.

HOT SAUCE(20s, squirrly looking dude) approaches the counter. He sets down a large BIOLOGY TEXT BOOK.

HOT SAUCEHey Delilah, you forgot your book.

DELILAHThanks.

Delilah opens the book, it’s hollowed out and filled with WEED. Delilah takes the baggie and gives the book back.

11.

HOT SAUCEWhat are you doing?

DELILAHGetting my weed.

HOT SAUCEYeah, but you’re not supposed to take it out in public, you’re supposed to take the book, slip me my money in a dvd case or something. C’mon, where’s your sense of stealth?

DELILAHWeed’s legal. The book is heavy. I have no time for stealth.

Delilah hands him a twenty.

HOT SAUCEThen why involve me at all?

DELILAHBecause I don’t like the stores. It’s confusing, the salesman are pushy, the music is always bad, it’s like the worst aspects of a dorm room and a comic book store combined. Plus this way I get a chance to catch up with you. How are you, Hot Sauce?

HOT SAUCEI’m good, I guess. Tight asses at U-Dub denied my thesis again. If I played ball I could have a PhD by now, but because I want to ask the tough questions I’m still just a BS.

DELILAHMaybe if you stopped hollowing out your text books for stealthy drug-deals?

HOT SAUCEYou sound like my Mom.

DELILAHNot cool, Sauce.

Ol’ Hippy Boss enters. Hot Sauce bolts.

12.

DELILAH (CONT’D)Hey, I was just..

OL’ HIPPY BOSSI’m sorry to have to say this.

DELILAHIt’s medicinal, I swear. Back pain.

OL’ HIPPY BOSSI’m closing the store. For good. We’re just not making enough to stay afloat.

DELILAHWhat?

OL’ HIPPY BOSSI’m making the official announcement this weekend, but we’ll be shutting down at the end of the month.

DELILAHJesus. That really sucks.

OL’ HIPPY BOSSYeah. If you want to clock off early, that’s fine with me.

Montage:

Split screen of the differing night lives of Delilah and Mike&Judy.

Mike and Judy neatly pack up their desks.Delilah grabs her bag and takes off.

Mike and Judy peruse the grocery store produce section.Delilah grabs a six pack of Rainier.

Mike and Judy cook together while listening to Jeopardy.Delilah preps a bowl of EasyMac.

Mike and Judy have a nice, classy supper together.Delilah eats her EasyMac over the sink.

Mike and Judy do the dishes together.Delilah downs a shot at a divebar.

Mike works on his laptop and Judy knits while they watch CSI.Delilah shares a cigarette with a DUDE outside the divebar.

13.

Mike and Judy lay out their outfits for the next day.Delilah leads the Dude to her apartment.

Mike and Judy begin slow, lights out, married sex.Delilah has her way with the Dude from the bar.

Mike and Judy fall asleep together.Delilah tries to slip away from the asleep Dude’s arm.

End Montage.

INT. APPLEBAUM HOUSE - BEDROOM - NIGHT

BANG BANG BANG!

Mike and Judy dart awake.

JUDYWhat was that?

MIKEI don’t know. I think it was from outside.

BANG BANG BANG!

JUDYI think it’s the door. You should get it.

MIKEWhy should I get it?

JUDYBecause you’re closer.

MIKEIt could be some crazy killer out there for all we know.

JUDYOh, so you want me to get it then? Real sweet, hon.

MIKELet’s just both go see what it is. If we get raped and killed, we get raped and killed as a family.

JUDYGrab your six-iron.

14.

MIKEWay ahead of you.

Mike grabs a golf club and they both walk downstairs.

INT. APPLEBAUM HOUSE - FOYER - NIGHT

Mike and Judy walk towards the door with apprehension. Mike wields his SIX-IRON like a katana.

JUDYWell, go look. See who it is.

MIKEI’m looking, I’m seeing, I’m just taking my time.

JUDYIt’s going to morning by the time you open the door, Michael.

Mike inches forward and looks through the peep-hole: nothing. An empty porch. Mike turns to Judy, shrugs.

JUDY (CONT’D)Well?

MIKEThere’s nothing there.

JUDYYou’re not going to look around? It could have been teenagers leaving one of those flaming bags of dog shit or something.

MIKEOh, now I really want to go outside.

Judy steps forward opens the door herself. They look down and are amazed. There’s something on the porch.

JUDYWhat is it?

MIKEI don’t know.

JUDYWhere did it come from?

15.

MIKEI don’t know.

JUDYWhat should we do?

MIKEI don’t know.

Mike and Judy continue to stare at the creature in awe.

JUDYIt’s so... so...

MIKESo... Helpless.

Slowly the camera rises over Mike and Judy’s shoulders revealing the creature’s form. The Creature looks like a cross between a squid and a Chinese pug. Its alien features are hidden by its large, Disney-like eyes.

Judy crouches down to touch it.

MIKE (CONT’D)Judy, wait. You don’t know what its going to do.

JUDYJust look at it, how could something this adorable harm anything?

Judy lightly pets The Creature. She runs her fingers past The Creature’s cut.

JUDY (CONT’D)It’s hurt. We have to take it inside.

MIKEInside? It could have diseases, it could-

Judy picks it up.

JUDYIt needs our help. I’m taking it inside.

MIKEI’ll get the first-aid.

16.

INT. APPLEBAUM HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT

The Creature is propped on the kitchen table under a towel. Judy applies HYDROGEN PEROXIDE on its wound, the creature squeals lightly.

JUDYSorry, bud. Just trying to help.

(to Mike)Did you hear the sound it just made? How adorable.

MIKEDo you think it’s alien?

JUDYMaybe. It could just be some new species we’ve never discovered. I don’t know, maybe it’s just a really advanced Furby.

MIKEHa. I like that. Our little Furby.

Furby, as he will be called henseforth, coos on the table.

JUDYCome keep him steady.

Judy preps a needle and thread. As Mike touches Furby his eyes go wide, as if a wave of euphoria passed through him.

JUDY (CONT’D)Hang tight, Furb, this isn’t gonnabe fun.

Judy starts making stitches. Furby again squeals in pain.

MIKEIt’s okay. You did great, pal.

Judy cuts off the last stitch and cradles Furb

JUDYAll done.

INT. APPLEBAUM HOUSE - BEDROOM - NIGHT

Mike and Judy lay in bed, Furby cradled between the two.

MIKESo what do we do now?

17.

JUDYTake care of it. It clearly can’t survive on its own.

MIKEWhat if more show up? What if its parents are somewhere out there looking for it? What if we go to jail for not reporting it?

JUDYI don’t know, Mike. All I know is I’ve never cared for something as much as I care for this little guy. And I’m going to do whatever it takes to keep him safe. Are you with me?

MIKEI’m always with you.

Mike kisses his wife. Judy hums a royalty-free lullabye. They both stare into Furb’s eyes as it falls asleep.

FADE OUT:

18.