8/13/2019 Letter to the Swedish Ambassador
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The Honorable Jonas Hafstrm
Swedish Ambassador to the United States
Embassy of Sweden
2900 K Street, N.W.Washington, D.C. 20007
Dear Ambassador Hafstrm,
I hope this correspondence finds you well. Until recently, I
found that bi-lateral
relations between our countries had been productive and mutually
beneficial. I fully
understand that your countrys approval ratings of American
leadership have fallen as low
as the bottom of one of your many beautiful fjords. I am,
however, shocked and appalled at
what I see as a stark and wonton act of unilateral
passive-aggression your nation recently
took toward Americans: specifically this American.
Recently, I ventured to one of your many consulates (hereafter
referred to as IKEA).The experience was congenial. I sampled many
exotic delicacies (meatballs AND French
friesboth delicious), and engaged with a friendly uniformed
diplomat (whose English
was flawless). While I was initially off-put by her insistence
that I purchase a futon, I
relented, as I believe is custom, and purchased an Expedit
bookshelf as a form of thanks
for your nations hospitality.
I must admit that I was greatly excited to have such an exotic
piece adorning my
bedroom. You see, I am a recent college graduate, and I
generally cannot afford such
luxuries. But your insistence that I sign up for a dual
citizenship (hereafter referred to as an
Ikea Family Rewards Card) provided me with an opportunity to
have an item of such
culture (from your nations consular IKEA no less!) at a deep
savings. But it is here
where I believe the egregious act occurred.
In a marvel of Scandinavian engineering, no doubt crafted at
your finest research
institution, Uppsala University, the Expedit is a series of
adjacent cubes, two by three, that
together create a bookshelf. These cubes are created by the
junctions of three cross shelves
and four supports in between, surrounded by four pieces of wood
that serve as boundaries.
Without supports, you see, the intricately crafted balance falls
apart. I believed that my
dealings with your consular staff were in good faith. Our
exchange of authentic, indigenous
American currency for a Swedish-crafted piece of furniture
represented what I thought to
be the true manifestation of Americas many good-will treaties
(hereafter referred to as
TAFTA, NAFTA, et al.).
However, I found myself without the aforementioned support
mechanisms, and thusthe balance of the piece has been thrown.
Instead of a bookshelf, I have an unsteady and
potentially dangerous piece of assembled wood, which can hold
neither books nor trinkets.
I am certainly one who appreciates coercive, non-violent
diplomacy, however, I believe the
strategy that this seems to be a part of is a bridge too far.
For me to receive your bookshelf,
assemble it, and be unable to use it because of your deliberate
oversight of a small part
represents an injustice that belies peaceful relations between
our nations.
8/13/2019 Letter to the Swedish Ambassador
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As an American citizen, I will not stand for your War of
Scandinavian Passive-
Aggression. The shock and greatly inconvenience strategy may
help you achieve your
diplomatic goals, but think of the individuals who you hurt:
Married couples, whose newly
born infant could rest in their crib for the first time tonight,
but for a lost allen key. Hoards
of shaken millennials who must risk the sturdiness of their Malm
bed on the gamble that
perhaps part 117228 may not be necessary. The college student
whose three-leggedKarlstad couch is an visual and functional
albatross. I stand for these nameless victims of
your cynical game. The huddled denizens, frustrated and
bewildered that a country as
progressive as yours could stand for such blatant
oppression.
As a statement of my disappointment, you will find that I have
defaced my dual
citizenship, and enclosed it with this letter. I formally, and
regrettably reject my
associations with your country. I am not, however, one who
criticizes without proposing a
solution. I believe that your IKEA diplomatic gifts policy
should be modified, such that I
am provided, at cost of the Swedish taxpayer (and I know you
have an expansive tax
base!), replacement shelf supports. Until I receive the justice
I am owed, I remain collateral
damage in your anti-American furniture crusade.
I hope that your Government, and your President, Ingvar Kamprad,
will rectify sthispassive-aggression appropriately.
Sincerely,
Robert R. Flaherty
