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Linda Graham, MFTlinda@lindagraham-mft.netwww.lindagraham-mft.netBouncing Back:Rewiring Your Brain forResilience and Well-BeingSpirit Rock Meditation CenterJune 21, 2014All the world is full of suffering.

It is also full of overcoming.

- Helen KellerSufferingExternal stressorsInternal stressorsStress responseSurvival responsesFight-flight-freeze-appeaseShut down, numb out, collapseMindfulness and CompassionAwareness of whats happening(and our reactions to whats happening)Acceptance of whats happening(and our reactions to whats happening)

Attention circuit and resonance circuit

Two most powerful agents of brain change known to science; both foster response flexibilityResilienceHardiness: capacities to last, to endure, to persevere, to follow through, capacities of determination and grit.

Coping: Face and deal with disappointments, difficulties, even disasters; bounce back from troubles, from adversity, from the unexpected, from the truly awful.

Flexibility: Adaptability, capacity to shift gearsIt is not the strongest of the species that survives,nor the most intelligent that survives.It is the one that is the most adaptive to change.- Charles DarwinResilienceDeal with challenges and crisesBounce back from adversityRecover our balance and equilibriumFind refuges and maximize resourcesCope skillfully, flexibly, adaptivelyShift perspectives, open to possibilities, create options, find meaning and purpose6 Cs of CopingCalmCompassionClarityConnections to ResourcesCompetenceCourageCalmManage disruptive emotions

Tolerate distress

Down-regulate stress to return to baseline equilibrium

CompassionCare, concern for problems and blocks that de-rail resilienceEmpathy, compassion for feelings and suffering of self, othersSkillful behaviors in response to difficulties and differencesClarityFocused attention on present moment experienceImproves cognitive functioningSelf-awareness, self-reflectionShifting perspectivesDiscerning optionsChoose wise actionsConnections to ResourcesPeople, Places Practices

Counter-balance brains negativity biasStrengthen inner secure baseAccess resourcesCompetenceEmpowerment and mastery from changing old coping strategies, learning new ones

Embodying, I am somebody who CAN do this.CourageUsing signal anxiety as cue to:

Try something newTake risksMove resilience beyond personal selfPractices to Accelerate Brain ChangePresence primes receptivity of brain

Intention/choice activates plasticity

Perseverance creates and installs changeModern Brain ScienceThe field of neuroscience is so new,we must be comfortable not only venturing into the unknownbut into error.- Richard Mendius, M.D. Neuroscience of ResilienceNeuroscience technology is 20 years old

Meditation improves attention and impulse control; shifts mood and perspective; promotes healthOxytocin can calm a panic attack in less than a minuteKindness and comfort, early on, protects against later stress, trauma, psychopathologyNeuroplasticityGrowing new neuronsStrengthening synaptic connectionsMyelinating pathways faster processingCreating and altering brain structure and circuitryOrganizing and re-organizing functions of brain structuresMechanisms of Brain ChangeConditioningNew ConditioningRe-ConditioningDe-ConditioningConditioningExperience causes neurons to fireRepeated experiences, repeated neural firingsNeurons that fire together wire togetherStrengthen synaptic connectionsConnections stabilize into neural pathways

Conditioning is neutral, wires positive and negativeThe brain is shaped by experience. And because we have a choice about what experiences we want to use to shape our brain, we have a responsibility to choose the experiences that will shape the brain toward the wise and the wholesome.- Richard J. Davidson, PhDEvolutionary legacyGenetic templatesFamily of origin conditioningNorms-expectations of culture-society

Who we are and how we cope.is not our fault.- Paul Gilbert, The Compassionate MindGiven neuroplasticityAnd choices of self-directed neuroplasticity

Who we are and how we copeis our responsibility

- Paul Gilbert, The Compassionate MindPre-Frontal CortexExecutive center of higher brainEvolved most recently makes us humanDevelopment kindled in relationshipsMatures the latest 25 years of ageMost integrative structure of brainEvolutionary masterpiece

CEO of resilienceFunctions of Pre-Frontal CortexRegulate body and nervous systemQuell fear response of amygdalaManage emotionsAttunement felt sense of feelingsEmpathy making sense of expereinceInsight and self-knowingResponse flexibilityNew ConditioningChoose new experiencesGratitude practice, listening skills, focusing attention, self-compassion, self-acceptanceCreate new learning, new memoryEncode new wiringInstall new pattern of responseRe-conditioningMemory de-consolidation re-consolidationLight up neural networksJuxtapose old negative with new positiveNeurons fall apart, rewireNew rewires oldDe-ConditioningDefault networkDe-focusing, loosens gripCreates mental play spacePlane of open possibilitiesBrain makes new links, associationsNew insights, new behaviors

Kindness is more important than wisdom,And the recognition of that is the beginning of wisdom.- Theodore RubinKeep Calm and Carry OnSerenity is not freedom from the storm

but peace amidst the storm.

- author unknownCalmManage disruptive emotions

Tolerate distress

Down-regulate stress to return to baseline equilibrium

Window of ToleranceSNS explore, play, create, produce. ORFight-flight-freeze

Baseline physiological equilibriumCalm and relaxed, engaged and alertWINDOW OF TOLERANCERelational and resilientEquanimity

PNS inner peace, serenity. ORNumb out, collapseHand on the HeartTouch oxytocin safety and trustDeep breathing parasympatheticBreathing ease into heart centerBrakes on survival responsesCoherent heart rateBeing loved and cherizhedOxytocin direct and immediate antidote to stress hormone cortisolOxytocinHormone of safety and trust, bonding and belonging, calm and connectBrains direct and immediate antidote to stress hormone cortisolCan pre-empt stress response altogetherTouchHand on heart, hand on cheekHead rubs, foot rubsMassage back of neckHugs 20 second full bodiedCalm through the BodyHand on the HeartBody ScanProgressive Muscle RelaxationMovement OppositeCalm Friendly Body ScanAwarenessBreathing gently into tensionHello! and gratitudeRelease tension, reduce traumaProgressive Muscle RelaxationBody cannot be tense and relaxed at the same time

Tense for 7 seconds, relax for 15

Focused attention calms the mindCalm through MovementBody inhabits posture of difficult emotion (40 secondsBody moves into opposite posture (40 seconds)Body returns to first posture (20 seconds)Body returns to second posture (20 seconds)Body finds posture in the middle (30 secondsReflect on experiencePower posingCompassionRespond to pain and suffering with open heart, interested mind, willingness to helpCare, concern for problems and blocks that de-rail resilienceEmpathy, compassion for feelings and suffering of self, othersSkillful behaviors in response to difficulties and differencesCompassionSensitivityAttention to feelings and suffering, self and othersSympathyTuning in, feeling with, being movedDistress toleranceBeing with pain without denial or overwhelmEmpathyUnderstanding without judgment, resistance, submissionCaringWarmth, kindness, gentleness in any response

Self-CompassionPowerful and immediate antidote to self-criticism, self-loathingPractice not to feel better but because we feel badPutting own oxygen mask on first when other people are not aroundCome into loving connected presenceCompassion leads to calm leads to clarityCompassion for Others - SelfRemember moment of compassion and care for anotherEvoke felt sense of compassion in your bodyWhen flow of compassion is steadyPlace yourself in flow of compassion, care, concernSelf-Compassion BreakNotice-recognize: this is a moment of sufferingOuch! This hurts! This is hard!Pause, breathe, hand on heart or cheekOh sweetheart!Self-empathyI care about my own suffering, me as experiencerDrop into calm; hold moment with awareness; breathe in compassion and careMay I meet this moment fully; may I meet it as a friendSelf-Compassion Break, cont.My pain is the pain; Im not the only oneKindness to self: May I be safe; May I be peaceful; May I be free of fear; May I be free of shame; May I accept myself just as I am; May I know this, too, will pass; May I know I can be skillful hereChoose wisely: re-direct, shift the channel; practice gratitude, metta; share pain with caring other; notice coping and easing of sufferingOne for Me; One for YouBreathing in, nourishing, nourishingBreathing out, soothing, soothingIn imagination, nourishing for me, nourishing for you, soothing for me, soothing for youOne for me, one for youPractice breathing one for me, one for you when in conversation with someone

MindfulnessFocused attention onpresent moment experiencewithout judgment or resistance.- Jon Kabat-ZinnMindfulnessPause, become presentNotice and nameStep back, dis-entangle, reflectCatch the moment; make a choiceShift perspectives; shift statesDiscern optionsChoose wisely let go of unwholesome, cultivate wholesomeBetween a stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. The last of human freedoms is to choose ones attitude in any given set of circumstances.- Viktor FranklMindfulnessPause, become presentNotice and nameStep back, dis-entangle, reflectCatch the moment; make a choiceShift perspectives; shift statesDiscern optionsChoose wisely let go of unwholesome, cultivate wholesomeNotice and NameThoughts as thoughtsPatterns of thoughts as patterns of thoughtsStates of mind as states of mindIdentify belief systems and identities asMental contents, patterns of neural firingMindfulnessCatch the moment; make a choice- Janet Friedman

Every moment has a choice;Every choice has an impact.- Julia Butterfly HillAutobiography in Five Short Chapters Portia NelsonII walk down the street.There is a deep hole in the sidewalkI fall in.I am lostI am helplessIt isnt my fault.It takes me forever to find a way out.

III walk down the same street.There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.I pretend I dont see it.I fall in again.I cant believe Im in the same placeBut, it isnt my fault.It still takes a long time to get out.

IIII walk down the same street.There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.I see it is there.I still fall inits a habitMy eyes are open, I know where I am.It is my fault.I get out immediately.IVI walk down the same streetThere is a deep hole in the sidewalk.I walk around it.VI walk down another street.-Portia NelsonModes of ProcessingFocusedTasks and detailsSelf-referentialDefocusedDefault networkPlane of open possibilitiesMindfulness Dissolves the Stuff of SelfQuantum physics investigates matterMatter is more space than stuffMindfulness investigates ISelf is not static or fixed; is ever-changing, ever-unfoldingTrue Self is flow of beingnessRest in Simply BeingAwareness of AwarenessInsights, epiphanies, revelations

Wisdom teaches me I am nothing.Love teaches me I am everything.Between the two, my life flows.- Sri Nisargadatta

Pre-Frontal CortexToggles back and forth between focused and defocused modes of processingIntegration of two modes; integration of right and left hemispheres, integration of higher and lower brainDeeper brain functioning; brain itself more reslientConsciousnessTrue NatureWiser SelfAdult SelfInner ChildBrahma ViharasLoving KindnessCompassionSympathetic JoyEquanimityLinda Graham, MFTlinda@lindagraham-mft.netwww.lindagraham-mft.netBouncing Back:Rewiring Your Brain forResilience and Well-BeingSpirit Rock Meditation CenterJune 21, 2014Belly BotanySelect one square foot patch of groundObserve patch from one foot away/aboveObserve for 2 minutesLight and shade, movement and stillness, life and decay/deathStand up, look around at the larger viewNotice shifts in perspectiveLinda Graham, MFTlinda@lindagraham-mft.netwww.lindagraham-mft.netBouncing Back:Rewiring Your Brain forResilience and Well-BeingSpirit Rock Meditation CenterJune 21, 2014Connections to ResourcesPeople Love guards the heart from the abyss. - MozartPlaces I rest in the grace of the world. BerryPractices As an irrigator guides water to his field, as an archer aims an arrow, as a carpenter carves wood, the wise shape their lives. - Buddha

Practices as ResourcesYoga, meditation, tai chi, chi gongSleepNutritionMovement-ExerciseLaughterLearn Something NewHanging Out with Healthy BrainsSleepHousekeepingReset nervous systemConsolidate learning

Take mental breaksTake Mental BreaksFocus on something else (positive is good)

Talk to someone else (resonant is good)

Move-walk somewhere else (nature is good)

Every 90 minutes; avoid adrenal fatigue

NutritionLess Caffeine

Less Sugar

More Protein

Movement - ExerciseOxygen brain is 2% of body weight, uses 20% of bodys oxygenEndorphins feel good hormones, brighten the mindBrain-Derived Neurotrophic Factor (BDNF) - grow new brain cells, will migrate to where neededLaughterIncreases oxygen and blood flow, reduces risk of heart disease and strokeReleases endorphins bodys natural pain killerReduces stress hormone cortisol, lowers blood pressureTriggers catecholamines, heightens alertness in brainReleases tension in body, balances nervous systemLaughterPromotes work productivityReduces stressPromotes creativity and problem-solvingReduces mistakes, increases efficiency Promotes group cohesionPromotes learning (through play)Eases loss, grief, traumaLearn Something NewSpeak a foreign languagePlay a musical instrumentJugglePlay chessCrossword puzzles when you dont know the wordsHanging Out with Healthy BrainsBrain is social organ; matures and learns best in interactions with other brainsSocial engagement regulates nervous systemResonant interactions prime the brains neuroplasticity; promotes learning and growthPositive Emotions-BehaviorsBrain hard-wired to notice and remember negative and intense more than positive and subtle; how we survive as individuals and as a speciesLeads to tendency to avoid experiencePositive emotions activate left shift, brain is more open to approaching experience, learning, and actionPositive EmotionsGratitudeAweGenerosity CompassionDelight Serenity Love Curiosity Kindness Joy TrustPositive EmotionsLess stress, anxiety, depression, lonelinessMore friendships, social support, collaborationShift in perspectives, more optimismMore creativity, productivityBetter health, better sleepLive on average 7-9 years longerResilience is direct outcomeA hundred times every day, I remind myself that my inner and outer life depend on the labors of other people, and that I must exert myself in order to give in the same measure as I have received and am still receiving.- Albert EinsteinGratitude2-minute free writeGratitude journalGratitude buddyCarry love and appreciation in your walletTake in the GoodNotice: in the moment or in memoryEnrich: the intensity, duration, novelty, personal relevance, multi-modalityAbsorb: savor 10-20-30 seconds, felt sense in bodyCircle of SupportCall to mind people who have been supportive of you; who have had your backCurrently, in the past, in imaginationImagine them gathered around you, or behind you, lending you their faith in you, and their strengths in copingImagine your circle of support present with you as you face difficult people or situationsPositivity PortfolioAsk 10 friends to send cards or e-mails expressing appreciation of youAssemble phrases on piece of paperTape to bathroom mirror or computer monitor, carry in wallet or purseRead phrases 3 times a day for 30 daysSavor and appreciateThe Peace of Wild ThingsWhen despair for the world grows in meand I wake in the night at the least soundin fear of what my life and my childrens lives may be,I go and lie down where the wood drakerests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.I come into the peace of wild things who do not tax their lives with forethoughtof grief. I come into the presence of still water.And I feel above me the day-blind stars waiting with their light. For a timeI rest in the grace of the world, and am free.- Wendell Berry

One summer night, out on a flat headland, all but surrounded by the waters of the bay, the horizons were remote and distant rims on the edge of space. Millions of stars blazed in darkness, and on the far shore a few lights burned in cottages. Otherwise there was no reminder of human life. My companion and I were alone with the stars: the misty river of the Milky Way flowing across the sky, the patterns of the constellations standing out bright and clear, a blazing planet low on the horizon. It occurred to me that if this were a sight that could be seen only once in a century, this little headland would be thronged with spectators. But it can be seen many scores of night in any year, and so the lights burned in the cottages and the inhabitants probably gave not a thought to the beauty overhead; and because they could see it almost any night, perhaps they never will.- Rachel Carson

People as ResourcesAt times our own light goes out and is rekindled by the spark from another person.

Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.- Albert SchweitzerTrue Other to the True SelfThe roots of resilience are to be found in the felt sense of being held in the mind and heart of an empathic, attuned, and self-possessed other.- Diana Fosha, PhD

To see and be seen: that is the questions, and that is the answer.- Ken Benau, PhDAh, the comfort,The inexpressible comfortOf feeling safe with a person.Having neither to weigh out thoughtsNor words,But pouring them all right out, just as they are,Chaff and grain together;Certain that a faithful handWill take them and sift them;Keeping what is worth keeping and,With the breath of kindness,Blow the rest away.- Dinah Craik

Attachment Styles - SecureParenting is attuned, empathic, responsive, comforting, soothing, helpfulAttachment develops safety and trust, and inner secure baseStable and flexible focus and functioning Open to learning inner secure base provides buffer against stress, trauma, and psychopathologyInsecure-AvoidantParenting is indifferent, neglectful, or critical, rejectingAttachment is compulsively self-reliantStable, but not flexibleFocus on self or world, not others or emotionsRigid, defensive, not open to learningNeural cementInsecure-AnxiousParenting is inconsistent, unpredictableAttachment is compulsive caregivingFlexible, but not stableFocus on other, not on self-world, Less able to retain learningNeural swampDisorganizedParenting is frightening or abusive, or parent is checked out, not thereAttachment is fright without solutionLack of focus Moments of dissociation Compartmentalization of traumaAttachment - HindrancesSecure - True Nature, Wiser Self

Insecure avoidant aversion/hatred

Insecure anxious greed, grasping, clinging

Disorganized delusion, confusionSeeing Ourselves as Others See UsImagine sitting across from someone who loves you unconditionallyImagine switching places with them; see yourself as they see you; feel why they love you and delight in you; take in the goodImagine being yourself again; taking in the love and affection coming to you; savor and absorb.Welcome Them AllWiser Self welcomes to the partycharacters that embody positive and negative parts of the selfwith curiosity and acceptance of the message or gift of each part andhonors each part of the inner committeeThe Guest House - RumiThis being human is a guest-house.Every morning a new arrival.A joy, a depression, a meanness,Some momentary awareness comeAs an unexpected visitor.Welcome and entertain them all!Even if theyre a crowd of sorrows,who violently sweep your houseempty of its furniture,still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out for some new delight.The dark thought, the shame, the malice,meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in.Be grateful for whoever comes,because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.- Rumi

Shame De-Rails ResilienceShame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of acceptance and belonging.Shame erodes the part of ourselves that believes we are capable of change. We cannot change and grow when we are in shame, and we cant use shame to change ourselves or others.- Brene Brown, PhDLove makes your soul crawl out of its hiding place.- Zora Neale Hurston

Love guards the heart from the abyss.- MozartJust that action of paying attention to ourselves, that I care enough about myself, that I am worthy enough to pay attention to, starts to unlock some of those deep beliefs of unworthiness at a deeper level in the brain.- Elisha GoldsteinReconditioningMemory de-consolidation re-consolidationLight up neural networks of problematic memoryCause neural networks to fall apart temporarily and instantly rewire by:Juxtaposing positive memory that directly contradicts or disconfirms;Focused attention on juxtaposition of both memories held in simultaneous dual awarenessCauses the falling apart and the rewiring

ReconditioningAnchor in present moment awarenessResource with acceptance and goodnessStart with small negative memoryLight up the networksEvoke positive memory that contradicts or disconfirmsSimultaneous dual awareness (or toggle)Refresh and strengthen positiveLet go of negativeRest in, savor positiveReflect on shifts in perspectiveWished for OutcomeEvoke memory of what did happenImagine new behaviors, new players, new resolutionHold new outcome in awareness, strengthening and refreshingNotice shift in perspective of experience, of selfRelational IntelligenceSetting limits and boundariesNegotiating changeResolving conflictsRepairing rupturesForgiveness Forgiveness - IFor the many ways that I have hurt and harmed myself, that I have betrayed or abandoned myself, out of fear, pain, and confusion, through action or inaction, in thought, word or deed, knowingly or unknowinglyI extend a full and heartfelt forgiveness. I forgive myself. I forgive myself.Forgiveness - IIFor the ways that I have hurt and harmed you, have betrayed or abandoned you, caused you suffering, knowingly or unknowingly, out of my pain, fear, anger, and confusionI ask for your forgiveness, I ask for your forgiveness.Forgiveness - IIIFor the many ways that others have hurt, wounded, or harmed me, out of fear, pain, confusion, and angerI have carried this pain in my heart long enough. To the extent that I am ready, I offer you forgiveness. To those who have caused me harm, I offer my forgiveness, I forgive you.Forgiveness is not an occasional act;It is a permanent attitude.-Martin Luther King, Jr.CompetenceEmpowerment and mastery from changing old coping strategies, learning new ones

Embodying, I am somebody who CAN do this.You cant stop the waves,But you can learn to surf.-Jon Kabat-ZinnAs an irrigator guides water to his field, as an archer aims an arrow, as a carpenter carves wood, the wise shape their lives.- BuddhaCompetenceBodily felt sense of Sure I can!

Based on previous experienceNo matter what, no matter how small

OwnershipLearning ModelUnconscious IncompetenceConscious IncompetenceConscious CompetenceUnconscious CompetenceFind the Gift in the MistakeRegrettable Moment Teachable MomentWhats Right with this Wrong?Whats the Lesson?Whats the Cue to Act Differently?Find the Gift in the MistakeCoherent NarrativeThis is what happened.This is what I did.This has been the cost.This is what I learned.This is what I would do differently going forward.I am no longer afraid of storms,For I am learning how to sail my ship.- Louisa May AlcottIn every community, there is work to be done.

In every nation, there are wounds to heal.

In every heart, there is the power to do it.- Marianne WilliamsonCourageIts as wrong to deny the possibleAs it is to deny the problem.- Dennis SeleebyCourageA ship is safe in harbor, but thats not what ships are for.- Grace Hopper

Yes, risk-taking is inherently failure-prone.Otherwise, it would be called sure thing-taking- Tim McMahonDo One Scary Thing a DayVenture into New or UnknownSomatic marker of Uh, ohDopamine disruptedCross threshold into newSatisfaction, masteryDopamine restoredBoundinThere is a natural and inviolable tendency in things to bloom into whatever they truly are in the core of their being.

All we have to do is align ourselves with what wants to happen naturally and put in the effort that is our part in helping it happen.- David RichoMastering the art of resilience does much more than restore you to who you once thought you were. Rather, you emerge from the experience transformed into a truer expression of who you were really meant to be. - Carol OrsbornLinda Graham, MFTlinda@lindagraham-mft.netwww.lindagraham-mft.netBouncing Back:Rewiring Your Brain forResilience and Well-BeingSpirit Rock Meditation CenterJune 21, 2014