-
8/14/2019 Love Systems Insider: Chasing vs. Pursuing
1/3
Love Systems InsiderDate: September 2006
Chasing Vs. Pursuing - Do You Know Which One You're Doing?
It's Sunday afternoon. You met a great woman on Friday or
Saturday night, and followed LoveSystems perfectly. You opened, you
created attraction, you qualified, and then you started to
build comfort. The situation wasn't right for you to take it
further, so you casually invited her to join you for some exciting
event on Monday. She gave you her number.
You phone. It rings a few times and goes to her voicemail. You
leave a message. She doesn't callyou back. It's now Tuesday. What
do you do?
1. Maybe call her again next week, but that's it. You need to
have the frame that you havelots of women interested in you and are
busy, or else she won't stay attracted to youanyway.
2. Call or text every day or two with a variety of different
approaches, to see if any of themmake an impact. Delete the number
after a few weeks if you don't get anywhere.
3. Call every day until she answers. Once in a while call three
times in a row to see if thatworks. After a week or so, drop back
to once a week or so. Don't give up until YOU areno longer
interested.
What's the right answer? Don't look ahead...
Actually, any of them could be the right answer. In the right
context, all of these are okay. Toomany beginners in Love System
are too inflexible with the frame that "I have value... she has
tocome to me" and default to (1). Yes, this is a good frame, and
it's important. However,sometimes you need to do a little bit of
pursuing as well.
Why is this? If you obviously have value, why should you have to
pursue a woman? Why doesshe want you to? In short, it's because
this shows that you are genuinely interested in her. In fact,the
more value you have, or appear to have, the more a woman will want
to see you put in a bitof genuine effort to pursue her. She
recognizes that you can have easy conquests, and she doesn'twant to
be easy.
http://www.lovesystems.com/dating-advice/09-06-meeting-women-during-the-day-and-pursuing-vs-chasinghttp://www.lovesystems.com/dating-advice/09-06-meeting-women-during-the-day-and-pursuing-vs-chasing
-
8/14/2019 Love Systems Insider: Chasing vs. Pursuing
2/3
Why else? Some women are simply flaky and scatterbrained (so are
some men). She may adoreyou, but you called when she was having
dinner, and then she met up with a friend, and now it'sthe next
day, and she could call you, but now she's distracted and, anyway,
if you're reallyinterested in her you'll call again, right?
Why else? She wants to play the traditional female role of being
chased. It's exciting for her, and built into millennia of social
programming. It's not a great frame for men to be in, which is
whywe short-circuit it when we first meet a woman by disqualifying
ourselves during the attraction
phase. That's easy in public, where you can plausibly start a
random conversation with anattractive woman without being
interested in her (until she wins you over, of course...). It's
noteasy on the phone. By calling, you are confirming your interest.
That's why it's so important to
qualify her when you first meet, so she feels comfortable with
your interest in her, but it doesmean that you might feel a little
bit of "back to square one" on the telephone. So, yes, she maymake
you work for it by not returning your phone call. Don't take it
personally.
Why else? Some women are taught "not to call guys." Yes, it's
pretty silly, but there is just asmuch silly dating advice for
women as there is for men (both you and I are lucky that we
foundLove Systems). There's nothing you can do about this. Call
them. You can fix their silly ideaslater.
Now, we covered ages ago some of the crucial tactics for making
sure that she does answer the
phone when you call (programming your number into her phone,
telling her when you're goingto call, planning a specific event,
making her verbalize some anti-flake routines, texting/callingthat
night, etc.) as well as how to leave a message (leave hooks, cut
yourself off, etc.) so we'llassume that you've done all of this,
and are still not getting her on the phone. You can give up,of
course, and focus your energies on new women. This is totally fine.
But you can also set asidea few minutes a day with your "cold"
phone numbers and do some of this:
Vary the time of day when you call. Morning, afternoon, evening,
night. If you're gettingnowhere, try calling at 1am. You'll wake
her up, so make sure you can be immediatelyentertaining from the
second she answers. (Start with a high-energy, funny, short
routine.Don't even introduce yourself.)
Call from different numbers. Try sending text messages some
people simply prefer these to phone calls. Don't ever acknowledge
that you are calling and she isn't returning your calls. Adopt
the
frame to yourself that she is just a flaky woman and it's kind
of cute. Don't let it crossyour mind that she might not actually be
interested in you.
-
8/14/2019 Love Systems Insider: Chasing vs. Pursuing
3/3
Don't ever say "this is the last time I'm calling" or "I'm
calling to leave you another message" see above. And if you do get
her on the phone, don't even bring up thesubject of your previous
calls or texts.
If you phone, and it goes directly to voicemail (and doesn't
ring at all), hang up. You gota free pass. If it doesn't ring, it
won't show up as a missed call on her phone. She won'tsee that you
called. If it does ring, leave a message.
On the other hand, don't turn "pursuing" into "chasing." If she
tells you not to call, stop calling.Don't be creepy.
Savoy
http://www.lovesystems.com/dating-advice/09-06-meeting-women-during-the-day-and-
pursuing-vs-chasing
http://www.lovesystems.com/savoyhttp://www.lovesystems.com/dating-advice/09-06-meeting-women-during-the-day-and-pursuing-vs-chasinghttp://www.lovesystems.com/dating-advice/09-06-meeting-women-during-the-day-and-pursuing-vs-chasinghttp://www.lovesystems.com/dating-advice/09-06-meeting-women-during-the-day-and-pursuing-vs-chasinghttp://www.lovesystems.com/savoyhttp://www.lovesystems.com/dating-advice/09-06-meeting-women-during-the-day-and-pursuing-vs-chasinghttp://www.lovesystems.com/dating-advice/09-06-meeting-women-during-the-day-and-pursuing-vs-chasing
