Love Systems Insider: How to Utilize a Wingman

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Love Systems InsiderDate: October 2008Learn how best to utilize a wingman

Most men know that it's easier to meet women when you are out with friends thanwhen you're alone. Friends who know that you are trying to meet women and whomay be doing the same thing themselves are often called "wingmen" or "wings" inpopular culture. Here, we'll keep it simple - men who are working with you to meetwomen are Friends (capitalized).

The most important thing is to work WITH your Friend, not against him.YourFriend is NOT your competition. If women see you and your Friend tripping eachother up or fighting for the same woman, they will assume a few things about you:

You don't have many friends, since you spend time with someone you don'tseem to like and respect (and who doesn't seem to like and respect you).

You don't have much going for you, since you spend time with people whodon't have much value (if you're putting down your Friend).

You don't have much success with women. If you did, then you wouldn't needto fight someone from your own social circle for a woman you just met.

The common theme in this stuff is that your Friend reflects on you.

Women use little clues or "tells" to make assumptions about men. Women don'thave time to get to know all of the potential mates they run into. So they makeassumptions based on the little things that they DO have time to notice abouteveryone. These assumptions are very powerful even though they are mostlysubconscious - often women don't even realize WHY they are attracted to a specificman.Let's detour through a quick example. Women want successful men. Men realizethis, and this is why some of them exaggerate their wealth and status. Most women

are hit on so often that they don't listen to every man's story to evaluate whether itseems true. They use shortcuts.

For example, women key in on open body language. Why is this? Men who aresuccessful tend to be self-confident (yes, there are lots of exceptions). Self-confident men tend to have confident, open body language, like holding their headshigh or keeping their shoulders back. Body language is always on display andwomen notice it instantly. So a man with confident body language will attract morewomen, even though there is nothing inherently attractive about holding your head


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high or keeping your shoulders back. It's just that women have learned over time

that men who do this (or any one of thousands of other indicators of confidence)are more likely to have the deeper characteristics that they are looking for.

What also helps women here is that fewer men know how and why to act withconfident body language than know how to exaggerate their incomes. That's whywe spend so much time at the bootcamps teaching each student how to expressconfidence with body language. We teach you to "fake it til you make it" becauseonce you've gotten a bit of success with "faking" confident body language you willdevelop natural confidence in your abilities with women and you will come acrossas confident without thinking about it. When you change your behavior, yourthoughts and feelings will eventually follow.

Back to our original situation- Women make assumptions about you based on yoursocial circle and friendships. Successful men interact mostly with other successfulpeople. If you're at a restaurant with Brad Pitt, many women will want to meet you.Even if they have no chance at Brad, they'll be curious about someone who is socool that Brad Pitt counts you among his friends. Contrast this to you going out witha generic-looking accountant (khakis, tucked in shirt, nothing stylish oradventurous). Women will be far less interested in you - even though YOU haven'tchanged - because they will infer things about you, your friends, and your lifestyle.

All of this goes to explain why you want your Friend to have value when you're outtogether. Never cut him down. Act around him as if he were a movie star who isalso a good friend - as if he were a movie star, and it's totally normal for you to behanging out with movie stars.

Got it? Good. Now let's look at some specific ways you and your Friend can makeeach other look great.

The pre-introduction. This is one of the most crucial parts of being out witha Friend. When you approach a group of people, the subject of "who are youhere with" should come up. This is a fantastic opportunity. Build him up tohave value. If I'm out with Braddock, I'll say that he's a successful stand-upcomic and radio host, former star athlete, etc. Building up your friend whenhe is NOT around has much more of an effect than when he IS around. Whenyour Friend does join your group, he will have instant attraction.

Interact with each other. Say you and your Friend are talking to twowomen. During some of that time, you two should be talking to each other,as opposed to both of you focused only on the women, 100% of the time.

This shows that your friends have value to you, that you're not completelytaken by the women you are talking to, etc. You can even talk ABOUT thewomen you've met with your Friend - it's a great opportunity to tease themor to introduce a venue change (e.g., Braddock: "Hey, Nick, I'm hungry. Let's
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go get sushi." Nick: "Cool. [to the women] Hey you guys should tag along,

we're going to my friend's restaurant; they have killer sake you've got to try[takes women by the hand and leads them].").

Give your Friend a boost. Not all interactions go well. If I'm out withBraddock, and we're talking to two women, and it's going VERY well for himand his woman, but not as well for me, then Braddock could say somethingto the woman he's talking to, like "I'd love to stay and talk... I'm reallycurious about you... but your friend is kind of being weird to my friend and Idon't want him to get bored." His woman will likely instantly elbow mywoman in the ribs and tell her to be nicer to me. Continue gaming fromthere.

Enter the group properly. Don't enter the group together. One of youshould go in, and then the other comes in later. You may need a simple codeto let your Friend know whether he should stay in the group or not.Generally, you will always want your Friend in, for the reasons we've alreadytalked about. However, what if the group you entered is one man, twowomen, and you were just about to pull one of the women somewhere elseto isolate her. Adding an extra man at this point is awkward, andunnecessary, assuming that the other woman and the other man are gettingalong. One system that I like is if I put my left hand into a fist when myFriend comes into the group, he knows I don't want him to stay. Anythingelse, and he can stay.

Escalate physically in sync. Women don't like their friends to think thatthey are "easy." But easy is not an objective standard - it's almost completelyrelative. Whoever sleeps with her guy first is the easy one, whether it's 3hours or 3 days or 3 months. So, if you and a Friend meet two women andtake them home, separate them so they can't see each other. Then escalate.Moan loudly - make a lot of noise so it's obvious to the other couple that youguys are getting physical. Then your Friend's woman won't feel cheap if shelets him escalate, and when he or his woman also makes noise, it willreassure your woman that it's okay.

Respect "the rules." Whoever is the first one to approach a group gets tochoose which woman he will attract. No exceptions. Sometimes you need totalk to the less interesting woman for an hour to give your Friend the time tosucceed with his woman. He'll do the same for you. No matter how much youlike the woman your Friend is talking to, you cannot steal her away. Trustme, once you get good at this, you'll realize that there more than enoughbeautiful women to go around.

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Love Systems Insider: How to Utilize a Wingman