Making Your Marriage Work

8/2/2019 Making Your Marriage Work

1/23

NEXT LEVEL

CHRISTIAN

CENTERhelping people succeed


2/23

MAKING YOURMARRIAGE

WORK

DR. TAYO ONALEYE
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3/23

SCRIPTURES

GENESIS 2.18-25

HEBREWS 13.4
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4/23

A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE IS LIKE A

MAGNIFICENT BUILDING......BUILT BY

SOMEONE-Heb 3.4

ITS LIKE SUCCESS IN FINANCES.....YOU HAVE TO

LEARN IT......AND WORK ON IT

YOU ALSO HAVE TO UNLEARN THE ERRORS YOU

HAVE PICKED UP BY ASSOCIATION WITHOUT LEARNING, YOU WILL REPEAT THE

ERRORS OF YOUR ANCESTORS


5/23

PRINCIPLES

1. GET THE FOUNDATION RIGHT

....if the foundation be destroyed, Matt 7.24-

27

Ask God for help in choosing

Dont marry an unbeliever...2Cor 6.14-18
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6/23

2. Put God at the center of your marriage

HE was the One who said it was not good for the

man to be alone, the One who founded the

institution.....

Hold Gods Word in high esteem

Make Jesus the Alpha and Omega

Make the Holy Spirit your companion
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7/23

3. Get the structure right

The husband is the head Eph. 5.22-24

No human institution will succeed without clearly

defined leadership

Husband headship is not superiority but primarily

administrative.....someone has to be held responsible

In the home the wife is primarily supportive.....take the lead

with your husbands permission and support NOTE: The only place where a man is the head of a woman is

the home....the only man that is a womans head is her husband

(1Cor11.3)
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8/23

4. MATURITY

.......LEAVE your father and mother........Gen 2.24

You cannot cleave until you leave

Become a better version of yourself.....Work on

yourself..... Keep growing in every area spiritually,socially, financially, career, physically (yourhealth)......FAILURE TO GROW MAKES YOU A LIABILITY

Continuous self improvement

Continuous life-long learning to improve you and yourmarriage......your marriage will always mirror/reflectyou.....problem in a marriage is an accurate reflectionof at least one of the partners


9/23

Work on your character.

You can be attracted to someones GIFT, but you

end up living with their FRUITS

The fruits of the spirit are more desirable inmarriage than the gifts of the spirit....the gifts are

for public manifestation, the fruits, for private

consumption


10/23

5. COMMITMMENT

.......CLEAVE unto his wife .....

.....make up your mind that your own marriage will

work.

Five commitments you must make

Commitment to God

Commitment to continuous personal improvement

Commitment to your own spouse

Commitment to your children

Commitment to your home


11/23

6. LIMIT THE INFLUENCE OR

INTRUSIONS OF THIRD PARTIES.....

The man shall leave his father and mother before heshall cleave to his wife

The pros and cons of extended family systems

Many marriages have been ruined by 3rd parties

The man has to rise up to protect his home

Quickly call any erring relation to order or send thempacking......there was a dimension of blessingAbraham did not experience until Lot was separatedfrom him....there could be peace and prosperityeluding you because of third parties in your home

Strike a balance


12/23

7. EXPECT AND ACCOMMODATE DIFFERENCES

HE MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE...HE MADETHEM DIFFERENT....HE DID IT

YOUR SPOUSE IS DIFFERENT

DIFFERENT TEMPERAMENT, BACKGROUND,EDUCATIONAL LEVEL

DIFFFERENT NEEDS

YOU MAY HAVE DIFFERENCES THAT WILL NEVER

BE RESOLVED....THATS JUST THE WAY THEYARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!


13/23

8. FOCUS ON GIVING

......it is more blessed to give than to receive....for God soloved that He gave Selfishness (self-centeredness) is one of the biggest causes of

marital failures

Help your spouse become the best they could be

Challenge your spouse to a higher version of themselves

Release your spouse to FLY

Nurture your spouse

Make continuous deposit in their emotional bank account

Find out your spouses love language...what makes them feelloved

COMPROMISE, SACRIFICE....Eph 5.25...love your wife as Christloved the church..that He lay down His life for her


14/23

9. BUILD TOGETHER

Leverage is one of the purposes of marriage...two are betterthan one...two shall chase 10 thousand...if two of you shallagree as touching anything

Develop common vision, common goals, family projects

Do things together.... Doing things together bondspeople......vacation, relaxation, personal projects, hobbies,retreats, coming to church

Celebrate together....birthdays......anniversaries, scheduleregular/routine/special timeouts, play together

FIGHT TOGETHER- Youre not fighting each other but yourcommon adversary or challenges

There is power in unity...if two of you shall agree concerningANYTHING


15/23

10. USE WORDS CONSTRUCTIVELY

Death and life are in the power of the tongue......God created andsustains this world by His words...John 1, Heb 11.3....since yourecreated in the image of God you create and sustain your own marriageby your words........Words are spirits

Every marriage will eventually be an outcome of the words thatpermeate that relationship.......you can predict the outcome of a

marriage just by listening to the words flowing between the couple Three Cs to avoid:

COMPLAINING

CRITICISING

CONDEMNING

Appreciate your spouse.....say THANK YOU

Prophesy good things over your marriage

Cover your marriage spiritually with your tongue....pray over yourspouse and family


16/23

11. RESOLVE ISSUES THROUGH

EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION

....Matthew 18 Talk about things youre not satisfied with...dont just get angry

and withdraw

Listen when your spouse has a complain Forgive

Accept it when youre wrong and say IM SORRY

Resolve RECURRING issues......many marriages collapse because

of inability to get past a recurring decimal

MAJOR AREAS OF RECURRING DECIMALS (DISCUSS)


17/23

TOP 5 MAJOR AREAS OF RECURRING

ISSUES

1. MONEY

2. SEX

3. IN-LAWS

4. COMMUNICATION

5. CHILDREN


18/23

12. SEEK EXTERNAL HELP WHEN

NECESSARY

.....in the multitude of counsellors there is safety

HELP!

-persistently unresolved issues

-domestic violence

-infidelity

-unexplainable sudden changes

-unhealthy 3rd party intrusions
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THANK YOU
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Making Your Marriage Work