8/2/2019 Making Your Marriage Work
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NEXT LEVEL
CHRISTIAN
CENTERhelping people succeed
8/2/2019 Making Your Marriage Work
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MAKING YOURMARRIAGE
WORK
DR. TAYO ONALEYE
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SCRIPTURES
GENESIS 2.18-25
HEBREWS 13.4
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A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE IS LIKE A
MAGNIFICENT BUILDING......BUILT BY
SOMEONE-Heb 3.4
ITS LIKE SUCCESS IN FINANCES.....YOU HAVE TO
LEARN IT......AND WORK ON IT
YOU ALSO HAVE TO UNLEARN THE ERRORS YOU
HAVE PICKED UP BY ASSOCIATION WITHOUT LEARNING, YOU WILL REPEAT THE
ERRORS OF YOUR ANCESTORS
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PRINCIPLES
1. GET THE FOUNDATION RIGHT
....if the foundation be destroyed, Matt 7.24-
27
Ask God for help in choosing
Dont marry an unbeliever...2Cor 6.14-18
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2. Put God at the center of your marriage
HE was the One who said it was not good for the
man to be alone, the One who founded the
institution.....
Hold Gods Word in high esteem
Make Jesus the Alpha and Omega
Make the Holy Spirit your companion
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3. Get the structure right
The husband is the head Eph. 5.22-24
No human institution will succeed without clearly
defined leadership
Husband headship is not superiority but primarily
administrative.....someone has to be held responsible
In the home the wife is primarily supportive.....take the lead
with your husbands permission and support NOTE: The only place where a man is the head of a woman is
the home....the only man that is a womans head is her husband
(1Cor11.3)
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4. MATURITY
.......LEAVE your father and mother........Gen 2.24
You cannot cleave until you leave
Become a better version of yourself.....Work on
yourself..... Keep growing in every area spiritually,socially, financially, career, physically (yourhealth)......FAILURE TO GROW MAKES YOU A LIABILITY
Continuous self improvement
Continuous life-long learning to improve you and yourmarriage......your marriage will always mirror/reflectyou.....problem in a marriage is an accurate reflectionof at least one of the partners
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Work on your character.
You can be attracted to someones GIFT, but you
end up living with their FRUITS
The fruits of the spirit are more desirable inmarriage than the gifts of the spirit....the gifts are
for public manifestation, the fruits, for private
consumption
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5. COMMITMMENT
.......CLEAVE unto his wife .....
.....make up your mind that your own marriage will
work.
Five commitments you must make
Commitment to God
Commitment to continuous personal improvement
Commitment to your own spouse
Commitment to your children
Commitment to your home
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6. LIMIT THE INFLUENCE OR
INTRUSIONS OF THIRD PARTIES.....
The man shall leave his father and mother before heshall cleave to his wife
The pros and cons of extended family systems
Many marriages have been ruined by 3rd parties
The man has to rise up to protect his home
Quickly call any erring relation to order or send thempacking......there was a dimension of blessingAbraham did not experience until Lot was separatedfrom him....there could be peace and prosperityeluding you because of third parties in your home
Strike a balance
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12/23
7. EXPECT AND ACCOMMODATE DIFFERENCES
HE MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE...HE MADETHEM DIFFERENT....HE DID IT
YOUR SPOUSE IS DIFFERENT
DIFFERENT TEMPERAMENT, BACKGROUND,EDUCATIONAL LEVEL
DIFFFERENT NEEDS
YOU MAY HAVE DIFFERENCES THAT WILL NEVER
BE RESOLVED....THATS JUST THE WAY THEYARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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13/23
8. FOCUS ON GIVING
......it is more blessed to give than to receive....for God soloved that He gave Selfishness (self-centeredness) is one of the biggest causes of
marital failures
Help your spouse become the best they could be
Challenge your spouse to a higher version of themselves
Release your spouse to FLY
Nurture your spouse
Make continuous deposit in their emotional bank account
Find out your spouses love language...what makes them feelloved
COMPROMISE, SACRIFICE....Eph 5.25...love your wife as Christloved the church..that He lay down His life for her
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14/23
9. BUILD TOGETHER
Leverage is one of the purposes of marriage...two are betterthan one...two shall chase 10 thousand...if two of you shallagree as touching anything
Develop common vision, common goals, family projects
Do things together.... Doing things together bondspeople......vacation, relaxation, personal projects, hobbies,retreats, coming to church
Celebrate together....birthdays......anniversaries, scheduleregular/routine/special timeouts, play together
FIGHT TOGETHER- Youre not fighting each other but yourcommon adversary or challenges
There is power in unity...if two of you shall agree concerningANYTHING
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15/23
10. USE WORDS CONSTRUCTIVELY
Death and life are in the power of the tongue......God created andsustains this world by His words...John 1, Heb 11.3....since yourecreated in the image of God you create and sustain your own marriageby your words........Words are spirits
Every marriage will eventually be an outcome of the words thatpermeate that relationship.......you can predict the outcome of a
marriage just by listening to the words flowing between the couple Three Cs to avoid:
COMPLAINING
CRITICISING
CONDEMNING
Appreciate your spouse.....say THANK YOU
Prophesy good things over your marriage
Cover your marriage spiritually with your tongue....pray over yourspouse and family
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16/23
11. RESOLVE ISSUES THROUGH
EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION
....Matthew 18 Talk about things youre not satisfied with...dont just get angry
and withdraw
Listen when your spouse has a complain Forgive
Accept it when youre wrong and say IM SORRY
Resolve RECURRING issues......many marriages collapse because
of inability to get past a recurring decimal
MAJOR AREAS OF RECURRING DECIMALS (DISCUSS)
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TOP 5 MAJOR AREAS OF RECURRING
ISSUES
1. MONEY
2. SEX
3. IN-LAWS
4. COMMUNICATION
5. CHILDREN
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18/23
12. SEEK EXTERNAL HELP WHEN
NECESSARY
.....in the multitude of counsellors there is safety
HELP!
-persistently unresolved issues
-domestic violence
-infidelity
-unexplainable sudden changes
-unhealthy 3rd party intrusions
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THANK YOU
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20/23
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