Meg Ryan: The Uncut Interview - Reader's Digestus.readersdigest.com/images/content/011402/meg_ryan_interview.pdf · Ryan confirms she’s more ... it's not overly sentimental or schlocky

It can’t be easy playing America’s sweetheart. You’ve got to be nice, but you can’t be a pushover. You’ve got to be

smart, but you can’t be too brainy. You’ve got to be beautiful, but not too sexy, please. Most of all, you’ve got to be cer-

tain about the transforming power of love. After all, millions of moviegoers count on the notion that if you can find

romance, maybe they can as well. So when Meg Ryan’s latest film, Kate & Leopold, arrived in the theaters, hopeful

romantics—and plenty of hopeless ones too—breathed a sigh of relief. The movie puts Ryan right where many people

love her best, as the wary but optimistic female lead in an old-fashioned romantic comedy. Kate & Leopold marks

Ryan’s return to the genre after a two-year absence, during which she made Proof of Life, a dark thriller about a woman

whose husband is kidnapped by South American rebels. And it comes on the heels of the most dramatic period of her

real life, the breakup of her marriage to Dennis Quaid, her husband of nearly a decade.

Happily, though, Meg Ryan the actress hasn’t lost her touch—and Meg Ryan the woman hasn’t lost her faith. Ryan’s

Kate is a stressed-out executive with no time for men, until she meets Leopold, a 19th-century duke transported through

time, played by Hugh Jackman. Offscreen, Ryan, 40, says she’s more at peace than ever. She’s content right now to just

hang out with the man in her life, her son, Jack, 9. Yes, she still believes in love, and yes, she’d like to have more kids.

But later. Because she’s perfectly happy on her own. To interview the woman born Margaret Mary Emily Anne Hyra,

we called on author Sara Davidson, who’s written about women, spirituality and the joys of an unexpected personal

romance. Ryan confirms she’s more than just the sum of her characters—not that we ever really doubted that. She’s a

doting mother, a harried single parent, an amicable ex-spouse, a devoted friend, a spiritual seeker and, as she discovered

anew last fall, a patriot. She’s naturally funny and an optimist. For those last two, especially, her timing couldn’t be bet-

ter. So, like the woman said in the deli scene in When Harry Met Sally, we’ll have what she’s having.

READER’S DIGEST: We loved your most recent movie, Kate & Leopold. It is the kind of film whereyou come out of the theater and feel like you’re in a different world. It was really charming.

MEG RYAN: Well, the director really wanted to make a movie that felt like The Apartment, whereyou were moved by the characters and felt all the love coming off the screen. It's a movie about aleap of faith and the power of love — the transporting power of love — and gentility and chivalry. Wecould use some of that.

READER’S DIGEST: I don't think men were ever that nice, even back then!

RYAN: No, probably not. But Hugh Jackman [her co-star in the film] was like that and he's just one

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Meg Ryan: The Uncut Interview

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of these guys who is such a gentleman. And there's nothing geeky about it. You feel so respectedaround him. I love that about him.

READER’S DIGEST: You had said in the past that you weren't going to do any more romanticcomedies. So what prompted you to do this one?

RYAN: I'm just going to keep saying I'm never going to do them and just keep doing them. I don'tknow, I really like Jim Mangold a lot.

READER’S DIGEST: He's the director?

RYAN: Yeah. We met up in a park and he just talked me into it. He really talked me into it. He gotme out in his car in the parking lot after the meeting and played me all these Elvis Costello songs. Iwent, "All right, you're probably the guy for this." And so... yeah.

READER’S DIGEST: Was there anything about the story that appealed to you particularly?

RYAN: I thought it sort of hit all the right storytelling beeps, you know? I like that all the peoplechanged — a lot of times you don't find that in a script. And also there's a rhythmic thing in thescript. The movie has a very old-fashioned, sort of retro boppita, boppita, boppita, boppita comedyrhythm that you don't really find that much anymore. It's not an out-and-out comedy and it's not adrama — it's that strange little world in between.

READER’S DIGEST: A lot of directors say you're one of the few truly funny actresses working today.Was this natural? Were you always funny? Is it something you have to work hard at?

RYAN: No, I'm funny. I'm just a funny person. I think that I'm really tuned in to the rhythm of this par-ticular genre.

READER’S DIGEST: Romantic comedy?

RYAN: Yeah. Even though totally different kinds of movies make me laugh. I like my comedy darkwhen I go out.


READER’S DIGEST: Such as?

RYAN: I liked American Beauty, and there are a lot of independent comedies that I like. It's so funny'cause it doesn't seem quite representative of me, but somehow I have a facility for it.

READER’S DIGEST: What strikes me is that a lot of people who are very funny want to do seriousdramas. Woody Allen, for example, always wants to make serious movies. Since being able to makepeople laugh is such a gift, why not go with it?

RYAN: Well, I feel like I go with it enough. But I also feel like I go with the other stuff enough, so Idon't feel particularly frustrated by my career. I'm definitely more well known for comedy, though I’vedone plenty of other things. And I'm really proud of those things, too. And oddly enough, those arethe things that people talk to me about most often. When people come up to me and say, "hi," theyalmost always talk to me about When a Man Loves a Woman or a movie I did called Promised Land

— these movies that you wouldn't really expect.

READER’S DIGEST: In these dark times that we're facing now, do you think we need films to makeus laugh and emotionally move us away from the present?

RYAN: I think we need anything that's going to enliven the spirit in people. I have no answer aboutwhat the prescription is and what people are going to want now or anything like that. But I know forme, I was so grateful when, after September 11, I finally saw something on TV that really made melaugh.

READER’S DIGEST: What was it?

RYAN: I think it was a commercial actually, but I was so grateful to be laughing. You really do under-stand the value of that and how people require it. People require a community. Maybe that's whynow there are a lot of movies that are pretty dark and terrifying that people are interested in seeing–- because these films are a reflection of their state.

I think what's sort of unique about Kate & Leopold is that its sweetness is so profound that it really istransporting. Yet, it's not overly sentimental or schlocky. There's nothing sappy about this movie andit doesn't apologize for its sentiment — in the highest sense of that word.


READER’S DIGEST: You did a lot of the romantic comedies while you were married, but this time,you were actually single in real life, when you were playing this single woman. Did that change yourperspective or approach to the role at all?

RYAN: Yeah, a little bit. I mean, this character has definitely been trounced, you know? And she'sfighting love again in her heart and I understood that at the time.

READER’S DIGEST: Do you still believe in romance — finding a soul mate and a life partner?

RYAN: Oh, yeah, I believe in it, but I think my perspective has changed a little bit, because I feel likemy life is so different than it's ever been and I'm so happy about the way it looks. It's the first timeI've ever looked at it and gone, "Okay, this is really right." And what I've learned about soul matesand the whole notion of that is that it can be a very diffused thing in your life. And you can find it inso many different aspects of your life and so many different people. I am so lucky to have my friendsand even my associates in my life. And I have such deep connections to people that have nothing todo with romance at the moment. And I'm really happy about that.

READER’S DIGEST: You're saying you look at your life and you're happy with what it looks like.What does it look like? What is the picture that you have?

RYAN: It's just I have a lot more energy for myself, which I haven't had for a really, really long time. Ihave a lot of energy to think about myself and what I want: taking more pictures; I write more; I’mtaking a lot more time deciding what kinds of movies I want to do. I mean, I'm working on this partright now that requires so much research. I'm doing this movie, Against the Ropes, about the onlywoman who's ever successfully managed a middleweight boxing champion. And she's a real charac-ter. She's from Detroit; she's succeeded in a world that is very unlikely for a woman to ever succeedin. And it requires so much of my attention right now. And I have never had to do this amount ofresearch on anything, and I love it so much. I'm learning how to box; I have to change my voice; Ihave to understand the boxing world and I’ve got to understand her. It's entirely different. I'm havingso much fun with it.

READER’S DIGEST: It's fun getting hit?

RYAN: I don't get hit. I just spar and hit the other glove, so I don't know what it is like to get hit. At


night, I sit at home and watch boxing movies — it's hilarious. That's what I'm digging right now, and Iwould never have had it.

READER’S DIGEST: Because you've always been...?

RYAN: Facilitating a lot of other people's things and now I've sort of taken a step back from that.

READER’S DIGEST: At some point do you see yourself having a partner again, or do you feel likeyou really want to be by yourself?

RYAN: Right now, I'm happy to be alone. I'm very happy. I've never been alone and I feel like, whyhaven't I? This is good. So far, anyway. I'm sure there will come a time when it'll get old, but rightnow I like it.

READER’S DIGEST: You said that being a mother is really important, particularly being a hands-onmother, so how do you manage that while making films?

RYAN: Maybe by maintaining structure in [my 9-year-old son] Jack's life. He's so good, but his lifehasn't changed very much. I mean, before he was five he was always with me. But you always haveto make these choices as a working mom. I don't know if you're a mom but…

READER’S DIGEST: I have two kids and I was a single mom.

RYAN: There's a lot of equivocation that comes along with that. There's a lot of weighing things andtrying to figure out things. When he turned five, he had to be in school, so he would either be withDennis [Quaid] or with me. And the same is happening now. And Dennis is now working and I haveJack, and when I work, Dennis will have him.

READER’S DIGEST: So it really isn't that different?

RYAN: No, it really isn’t. The architecture of his life is very similar to what it's been.

READER’S DIGEST: That's the healthiest thing, to try to keep the basic architecture the same —


the same access to both parents.

RYAN: Oh, yeah, he has that. It’s working out pretty well.

READER’S DIGEST: Is being a single mom different than it was for you when you had a partner?

RYAN: Yeah. Sometimes it's just overwhelming — an overwhelming amount of work — just slottingthings into your day, getting to school on time to pick him up and getting all that done — all the waysthat, particularly women, multitask. We have this ability to do all that. And I sometimes think that,because we are capable of it, we abuse ourselves with it. I think men are much more myopic andmuch more directional. But women have a different capability, and I feel like mine was overused attimes.

READER’S DIGEST: Give me an example.

RYAN: Well, I have to figure out a way I'm going to be able to go to Moms ’n’ Muffins and still makeit to New York at a particular time to have a meeting on another movie and then come back. Sowhen I go to New York, I go for all of about ten hours and then come right back. That's because I'min charge of Jack at the moment and I don't want him to be by himself.

READER’S DIGEST: What is Moms ’n’ Muffins?

RYAN: Moms ’n’ Muffins is where all the moms bring muffins to school on a particular day and do"mom things" with them at school. And Jack's so excited about it. He's just so adorable.

READER’S DIGEST: Could you tell me a little bit about him, what he's like, what his personality islike? Does he have the acting bug?

RYAN: He's a real performer. Truthfully, he must get it from Dennis because I'm not really a naturalperformer. But Jack is. He will get up onstage in school productions and just sing out. Man! Youcan't ignore him on that stage, he's remarkable. He's beautiful. He can play the blues like nobody'sbusiness.


READER’S DIGEST: On what, guitar?

RYAN: No, on the piano. He is so great. And he's an intensely compassionate person and he'salways been that way. It's just a freak show.

READER’S DIGEST: That’s unusual for a young boy.

RYAN: It's very unusual. He's very articulate. He's really funny, really funny. He's got a sophisticatedlittle sense of humor. And he’s a really kind person. Dennis and I are always amazed by this. He'sgot to say "thank you" to people, but not just that — he honors people. You know, he doesn't ignoreanybody, you catch him mediating between his friends and things like that. He's a remarkable per-son. I mean, we just can't believe him sometimes. We call each other and say, "Oh my God, youknow what he said?" And "You know what he did?" and "Then he said that" and "Where'd he getthat?"

READER’S DIGEST: What are his interests?

RYAN: He loves music. And I just get the feeling he may like to be a director because he likes tomake movies on his little digital camera, and he directs his friends.

READER’S DIGEST: Most kids love ritual. Do you have a routine with him?

RYAN: Oh yeah. It's rock solid. From the time he gets home from school to when he goes to bed, hesomehow manages to get his butt in front of the TV. At 7:30, we give him a half hour of TV everynight. He watches “Rugrats,” and if he’s lucky, he stays up to watch “SpongeBob Squarepants.” Buthe gets his homework — and whatever he's got to do in those hours – all done.

READER’S DIGEST: Because he has to do his homework before he watches TV?

RYAN: Oh yeah. He's a real routine guy. Got his little chopped-up apples and he's ready to go. I'moften staggered by that because I'm not at all.

READER’S DIGEST: I see, because I was going to ask you whether you have routines in the morn-


ing.

RYAN: No! And neither does Dennis. Neither of us are like that. We're very free-spirited.

READER’S DIGEST: Do you eat dinner together with your son?

RYAN: Yeah.

READER’S DIGEST: The last time you did that, what did you eat?

RYAN: Well, last night we had chicken fingers, macaroni and cheese, and broccoli.

READER’S DIGEST: And do you put him to bed or do you have a ritual for that?

RYAN: Yeah. But you have to be careful, you have to cut it down, because he likes to extend it —with questions and commentaries about things just to stay up.

READER’S DIGEST: Do you read to him or sing to him?

RYAN: Yeah, we read. He's reading to me now, which is great.

READER’S DIGEST: So what does he like to read? Does he have a favorite book?

RYAN: Right now he's very into The Wayward School and he likes Captain Underpants. It's a wholeseries of books. They're funny and he likes a good joke.

READER’S DIGEST: I understand you're a very heavy reader.

RYAN: Yes.


READER’S DIGEST: What are you reading right now that you like?

RYAN: I'm reading all these boxing books. I just read this book called On the Ropes and I'm readinga biography of Muhammad Ali. I've been reading Norman Mailer and Joyce Carol Oates’s writingson boxing. So I'm in that world. But I really like Philip Roth. I just started reading When She Was

Good. It's a great book. I'm not anywhere near finished, but it's really great.

READER’S DIGEST: His most recent book is just staggering. And I'm having a "senior moment," Ican't remember the name of it!

RYAN: The Human Stain?

READER’S DIGEST: Yes.

RYAN: It's a great book.

READER’S DIGEST: So you're going back now and reading his early stuff?

RYAN: I just read The Human Stain and I loved that, and then I had to read more. I'd read Portnoy's

Complaint a while ago and wanted to read it again.

READER’S DIGEST: He also wrote Goodbye Columbus.

RYAN: Goodbye Columbus, another great one. He's really prolific.

READER’S DIGEST: He writes a book a year.

RYAN: And he's seventy-five or eighty years old? I'd love to meet him.

READER’S DIGEST: I have met him; I actually interviewed him.

He's really quite amazing. He's very serious. He said he writes 365 days a year. As soon as he fin-ishes one book, he starts the next. He said, "What else am I going to do?" His whole life is totally


dedicated.

RYAN: Ah, I love it. Does he live in a writerly way? I picture him like on a farm, just doing these verysimple things in the morning and then getting to write with a beautiful view and a creek and—

READER’S DIGEST: Taking a walk.

RYAN: Such a cliché!

READER’S DIGEST: You've had a lot of transitions in the last couple of years. Your parents weredivorced when you were how old?

RYAN: Sixteen? Fifteen.

READER’S DIGEST: Did that influence your decision about when and how you would do it yourself?Because you'd been through it yourself as a child?

RYAN: No, it was long in coming. What was most important to Dennis and me was that Jack waswell tended to. Maybe we overdid it, but I think Jack's so great right now and he's so able to articu-late. I'm sure he'll be resentful down the line, but his emotional health was so important to both of usthat I think we did — so far — a really good job.

READER’S DIGEST: You seem to have really made the transition from being married to being part-ners in raising a child. How did you manage to do that without the acrimony that usually comes withit?

RYAN: Well, believe me, there's some acrimony. But it's not overwhelming, and I guess we're justboth so in love with our kid. We're both so crazy about him. And his innocence is so important toboth of us. We really want to preserve that for him, you know? That's such a lovely thing about him.And I think that that's the thing, we just prize it so much and there's a lot of love still all around. But,you know, our marriage wasn't working. I think Jack's okay. And that was what we were primarilyinterested in.

Copyright © 2002 The Reader's Digest Association, Inc. All rights reserved. P A G E 1 0 O F 2 3

READER’S DIGEST: For me, the most wrenching thing was having to tell the children. I had two,and they were a little younger than yours. And I remember, I felt like I would've rather cut off my armthan have to tell them what I was going to tell them because I knew it was going to totally changetheir world. And I wonder, how did you do that?

RYAN: Well, that's pretty private. I'd rather not talk about that. But I think that, ultimately, divorce is adifferent word now than it was twenty years ago. Especially in California, there are so many familiesthat are defined in such different ways. And I don't know if it has the same stigma. For this new gen-eration, there's no stigma attached to a divorce in the family. But, personally, yeah, it's really painful.

READER’S DIGEST: And it is a reality. A lot of people are going through it and looking for guidance.They are looking for help with how to do it so that the children have the least difficult time possible.

RYAN: They say that ninety percent of how well they adjust has to do with the relationship that theparents have with each other. So you're required to work on your relationship, I think, in order forthem to have some emotional health during all of it. And you need to be real honest. You can't pre-tend that you don't know what you know, or that you're not feeling what you're feeling, because Ithink that that's probably the most harmful thing for them.

READER’S DIGEST: I found a book called The Dinosaur's Divorce about the different feelings juniordinosaurs might have. It pictures of all the facial expressions the dinosaurs make when they arefeeling different emotions —- happiness, sadness.

RYAN: Children just don't want to feel alone. They don't want to feel like they're alone with it andisolated by it. But, in a way, it’s what's made Jack a very articulate person when it comes to his feel-ings. He's not just happy or sad. The guy knows a lot about the variations of feeling. He's alsoaware of the causality of different things, and so, it's been an interesting growth. It's really beenhard, but there's a lot of great stuff that has come along, too.

READER’S DIGEST: It's wonderful that he has that emotional knowledge. To whom do you findyourself turning?

RYAN: All my friends. They're so important to me. I'm really lucky, I have great people in my life.

READER’S DIGEST: Are you closer to women than men, or is it about equal?


RYAN: Probably more women than men. Some men, but more women.

READER’S DIGEST: Do you think that's because women generally tend to be more nurturing andintimate?

RYAN: I don't know. It's more that they don't get bored with talking to you about the same thing. Likeyou call up and you go, "I'm not over this yet. I might sound like a broken record but..." I thinkwomen have more patience with each other about that. And there's this great reciprocity withwomen. There's this great exchange, and we like to talk about how we're feeling. But I also havesome great friends that are men and I'm always interested in their perspective –- especially now,because I haven't been single, like ever.

READER’S DIGEST: What interests you about your male friends’ perspective?

RYAN: Their perspective on women, their perspective on marriage, their perspective on women withcareers…

READER’S DIGEST: Have you heard anything you didn't know or that surprised you?

RYAN: Yeah, a lot. But I don't know if I could encapsulate it right now because it's not really beenwhat I'm thinking about.

READER’S DIGEST: Did you ever want to have more children, particularly a daughter?

RYAN: Oh yeah. I'd love to have a daughter. I'd like to have another boy too. I'm glad I had a boyfirst, though.

READER’S DIGEST: Because?

RYAN: I don't know, I think I'm a much more intact woman now than I was nine years ago when Igave birth to Jack. I think I'd be a better mom to a girl now than I would have been then.


Jack's a real guy. He likes guy stuff, he does guy things. He likes some girl stuff, but not really verymuch. He just is who he is. But the great thing about him is, you can really talk to him and havegreat conversations with him. Like, Jack is into conjecture and stuff. Like, "What if…?" You know, hecan really talk with you.

READER’S DIGEST: That's fun. You have a birthday coming up. How do you feel about turningforty?

RYAN: I don't know. I have really mixed feelings about it. I thought I'd be so cool, but I’ve beenthinking, "What I am going to do now?" I'll turn forty, I mean, I have no choice. But I'm also reallyhappy that there's another big transition coming up for me, and I really like the way my life is. I thinkif it wasn't in the kind of shape it's in now it might be a traumatizing birthday. But you become veryaware of Hollywood’s limits for you.

READER’S DIGEST: Ageism is a real thing.

RYAN: Yeah, it's a real thing, but I also feel like it's shifting. It's not totally changed, but it's definitelyshifting because there are so different demographics — of women, anyway — who see movies. Mycareer in the next few years is definitely going to change, because I'm not interested in doing amovie a fourteen-year-old boy is going to want to see.

READER’S DIGEST: But you haven't really made those kind of movies.

RYAN: No, I never have. I have a very weird career.

READER’S DIGEST: What's weird about it?

RYAN: I haven't made a living as a sex symbol, I haven't made a living as a dope, I haven't made aliving in any of these sort of traditional ways that [female actors] might. I've made a living as a neu-rotic. I feel like I've skated on the side of the whole thing for all this time.

READER’S DIGEST: Of the whole female sex symbol thing?


RYAN: Yeah. I've never played that game, never ever, ever. And I'm just hopefully going to continueto be an anomaly. That's where I've been happiest, anyway.

READER’S DIGEST: Do you have any clue why women identify with you in your screen roles?

RYAN: Because in the comedies, at least the romantic comedies, they're such fables for girls — Imean, for women — because they're generally about a kind of deep belief in the power of love and,that yes, it's out there. And I'm proud of some of those movies because of that sentiment.

READER’S DIGEST: Yeah, there are a lot more female executives in studios now. Is that makingany difference?

RYAN: No. I wish it did make a difference.

READER’S DIGEST: They're not championing better roles for women?

RYAN: The development, production and distribution of movies are totally crunched by men andtheir fantasies. It's a male fantasy machine. And it's very rare to get an integrated, complex femalecharacter even developed into a movie, let alone shot and marketed well. That's just the overridingHollywood studio structure. There is, thankfully, the independent world, which champions thosethings more. But in the big power, big money area, it doesn't happen.

READER’S DIGEST: So, have you ever thought about doing an independent film?

RYAN: Oh yeah. I have done some. But now that I have more time to think about what I really wantmy career to look like, my choices are really all over the place. Mostly, just from knowing myselfmore, having more energy to figure out who I am, there are some things now that I just want toindulge in, talk about, and be creative about.

READER’S DIGEST: Can you think of one?

RYAN: Well, it’s just so hard to find anything that offers complexity in a female character. That's whyI love my girlfriends, because nobody's easy to understand. They all have these facets. They're all


the result of so many different things in their lives, and they're so brave. And I feel like I'm changing,and a lot of it has to do with getting to know myself. That can't help but be reflected in the film choic-es I make from now on.

READER’S DIGEST: I'd like to talk a little bit, if you're interested, about your spiritual path, becauseI know you've been a seeker for some time. Have you always been interested in those essentialquestions: Why are we here? Is there a God?

RYAN: Always. Always, always, always. I was raised a Catholic and it didn't work for me, and it'sbecause it didn't work for me that I became a seeker. And I love the word "seeker" because it's whatit says, that I have no answers, that I'm always in the questioning mode and it's my favorite thing totalk about. I love to hear other people’s versions of God. It's the most fascinating thing in the worldto me, my favorite subject. I read Siddhartha when I was fifteen and I think that changed everythingfor me. And I made it a point in the last ten or fifteen years to meet as many enlightened people as Ican meet and had a few experiences and meditations that have been undeniable. I have a intensefaith in the benevolent universe.

READER’S DIGEST: Even today?

RYAN: Oh yes.

READER’S DIGEST: How do you believe in a God that creates terrorists?

RYAN: Well, this is an enormous subject, but I will say that I went to Ground Zero and as devastat-ing as it was to be there –- and I don't want this to sound at all cavalier — but as devastating as itwas to see that kind of destruction and overwhelming loss and darkness, you also felt all of the goodintentions and all of the prayers that people were sending there. And that felt so much bigger thanwhatever that horrible action was. And I thought to myself, "Good has already won because there'scommunity; there's a sense of connection that's come out of it, and there's a re-evaluation of ouractivity in the world." We are not a country anymore who can deny the consequences of our actionsabroad. I've never been a patriot. I never understood that as a motivator in life. I'm a Watergatebaby, I've always questioned it. But this idea that we're a country where we're allowed to have thisdiscussion, made my freedom become very apparent to me. You think about all the freedoms thatwe have in our lives and what it means to be an American. I never really understood the true valueof that before, never in this way. And that's a beautiful thing to have come out of this. I hope thisdoesn't turn into that kind of short-sighted thinking. I really hope that this is an opportunity, a para-


digm shift where people can really shift perspective into something much more expanded andchoose that love over fear.

READER’S DIGEST: Yes. I know that after the 11th you participated in doing your part. Is this adesire of yours to take a more active role in public life to help people who are trying to get throughthis time?

RYAN: I think I was like everybody else who just felt, what can I do? And it seems like celebrity issuch a dopey thing to have attached to you, but if it makes any difference to anybody that you'regoing to be answering the phone, of course I would be there for that. And talking to all these peoplepledging twenty dollars and fifty dollars from all over the country was so beautiful. Yet, you havesensational journalists who are accusing people, celebrities, of going on that thing just for publicity.The tabloid press is the worst this country has to offer.

READER’S DIGEST: But again, that's part of freedom.

RYAN: Yeah. But again, I don't want to be Pollyanna about this situation in the world, but I do thinkanything that causes us to think twice about how lucky we are or about our behavior in the worldarena, has got to be beneficial.

READER’S DIGEST: I shared your feelings when I went down there. It feels like a holy place. Andyou can feel the love.

RYAN: You think about the enormous power of a dark idea, but it's nothing compared to all the light.It's just nothing.

READER’S DIGEST: How do you feel about the future and raising your son in this world that's goingto be so different from the world we grew up in?

RYAN: We already had talks about, you know, how people's ideas of God can be so different. And Ithink that dialogue is something that's good for the world.

The other thing that this whole thing has pointed out is that everything matters. Everything. There'snothing in our lives that doesn't matter. There's not one thought you'd have or one action you do that


doesn't matter. I mean, down to the last election, every vote mattered. There's nothing that the worldisn't teaching if it's not teaching us that. Everything matters. Was there a piece of paper in some CIAfile somewhere that didn't get transcribed and didn't get taken seriously? Everything matters. Andthat's another awareness that's incredibly beneficial to people. That's something Jack and I havealready talked about. So, the fact that I can even have a conversation like that with a nine-year-old,that's pretty great.

READER’S DIGEST: So you don't feel it's a dark future that we're facing of bioterrorism, the possi-bility of nuclear threats?

RYAN: We have a choice right now. Our choice is to engage in fear or engage in the opposite: in anexpansive life. That's what we're all being very personally asked. Where are we on that spectrum?And it obviously could go either way. But that's the clear choice that's being offered.

READER’S DIGEST: What is your choice?

RYAN: I think it's obvious what my choice is. I don't want to live a contracted life. I want to live anaware and conscious life, which means dealing with whatever those very serious threats are, but notbeing run over by them, not being bulldozed by them.

READER’S DIGEST: So you haven't shifted your life or contracted it in any way?

RYAN: For a minute I did. And then I went to New York and I felt sixty percent cured.

READER’S DIGEST: So, getting back to the spiritual seeking, have you mostly responded toEastern transcendental mysticism?

RYAN: Yeah, Eastern thought, Western mysticism. I really dig the whole Hindu pantheon. And I justpull from all kinds of different things.

READER’S DIGEST: So you glean from all different traditions? You haven't settled into one specificone?


RYAN: No, because I feel when you get to the root of most things, they're all the same thing.

READER’S DIGEST: Which is?

RYAN: Which is: We are one item. There's no such thing as duality, it's all about unity.

READER’S DIGEST: Well, the Judeo-Christian tradition is very much about duality.

RYAN: I know. It doesn't work for me.

READER’S DIGEST: Do you have a daily spiritual practice?

RYAN: I do yoga and I meditate. But it's not like I get to meditate every single day. I'm not that disci-plined. I really want to be someone who meditates every single day, but I don't. I do yoga more thanI meditate. But even that, it just gets you in this place of being a witness. You're able to watch with alittle less attachment to everything and it takes you out of the place of judgment, which is, I think, acontracted place.

READER’S DIGEST: You've been known to show up at five a.m. for chants.

RYAN: Five a.m.? Yes. Sometimes in yoga they chant in the new year. I've chanted for five and sixhours at a time, with breaks, and I like it.

READER’S DIGEST: What appeals to me about the Hindu path is that it's about love, it's a devo-tional love path. It's not a mental path.

RYAN: Right, and as soon as your mind gets into it, you get all messed up. So it's just the right…

READER’S DIGEST: Heart.

RYAN: It's just heart.


READER’S DIGEST: If you could go back to school, what would you want to study, do you think?

RYAN: This is such a strange interaction, isn't it? I'm never in this position. People don't just sit andask me questions, and I feel so important right now, it's so exciting, thank you. It just never happens!

READER’S DIGEST: Oh, come on, it happens all the time.

RYAN: It happens in the press, but it doesn't happen, like when you're just hanging out. It just does-n't. All right, so what was the question that I'm so grateful for?

READER’S DIGEST: If you could go back to school, what would you want to study?

RYAN: Photography... and literature and architecture.

READER’S DIGEST: What about theology?

RYAN: I'm going to always do that anyway. I'm already in school for that. But I'd like a real instructorwho'd come to my house and teach me math, photography. That would be great. I just don't havetime.

READER’S DIGEST: Time is the most precious thing. If you could design a perfect day right now foryou, what would it look like?

RYAN: Well, there are a couple of great hikes I know about in L.A., I like to do that. But I’d probablyjust hang out with Jack. Right now we're into this thing where we challenge each other with jump-roping and that's fun. And I really like to have parties and dinner parties at my house. I think I'dthrow a big ol' dinner party at my house.

READER’S DIGEST: That surprised me. I wouldn't have expected that. So few people cook andthrow parties these days.

RYAN: Oh, I like that.


READER’S DIGEST: Do you cook?

RYAN: No, but I like to throw the parties.

READER’S DIGEST: So what makes for a good party?

RYAN: It's hard, isn't it? It's nerve-racking. But it's the company, it's your friends. But I have — like Ikeep saying — the greatest friends in the world who are really funny, articulate, passionate, opinion-ated people, and it's fun to get them together.

READER’S DIGEST: So it's the social mix? Do you ever worry about who's going to get along withwho?

RYAN: Sure, but generally it's all fine.

READER’S DIGEST: I have friends in very different worlds and to put them all together, it's like anightmare.

RYAN: I've gotten past that. If people aren't going to get along, they're not going to get along.

READER’S DIGEST: Do you have like a sit-down dinner or more of a formal gathering?

RYAN: I entertain a lot, but I like the sit-down ones, about eight people.

READER’S DIGEST: Not that many people cook and entertain these days.

RYAN: No, but the people who do cook and entertain, now that's amazing. I just entertain.

READER’S DIGEST: So it's a social mix. What about music? What about the food and atmosphere?Is there any thought that goes into that?


RYAN: I have a great dining room and I made sure I had a square table because I thought that wasthe most convivial formation. I don't know if it's true or not. Just as long as everybody feels relaxed.

READER’S DIGEST: Well, that's the essential question, how do you get everybody to relax? I haveone friend who just starts the liquor going quickly. Just get a drink in everyone's hand, and fast!

RYAN: Whoa! I don't know, it just always seems to work, I'm lucky.

READER’S DIGEST: Is there anything that comes to mind in your life that you haven't done yet thatyou'd like to do?

RYAN: I'd like to go to Egypt and Nepal, and I'd like to go back to China.

READER’S DIGEST: What would you want to do more in China?

RYAN: I've only been to Hong Kong, but that whetted my appetite for China where people [I’ve spo-ken to] who always had the greatest stories from there. I also would like to see the Pyramids and goto the Himalayas. And I want to have more children.

READER’S DIGEST: The Oscars are coming up. Does it ever enter your head when you get a rolethat this might be something you might get nominated for?

RYAN: No, because, so far, I have not done those types of movies. The Academy generally is notinterested in a romantic comedy.

READER’S DIGEST: Why is that?

RYAN: I don't know because, truthfully, it's sort of underrated. I mean it's a hard thing to be able todo. It's not funny, ha-ha, slapstick funny and it's not drama, it's something in between and I think thatsometimes the Academy thinks that because it's something in between it doesn't have uh, what's theword?


READER’S DIGEST: It's considered light. But then again, they'll give an award to a total actionmovie.

RYAN: I can't figure it out. I don't really think about that.

READER’S DIGEST: Do you like going to the award ceremonies?

RYAN: No. I almost never go. I was a presenter at the Oscars once and I think I did it because I wasso afraid to do it. I'm not very comfortable doing that.

READER’S DIGEST: Public speaking?

RYAN: Yeah, and especially in front of a big audience. It's not my forte, so I thought, "All right, I'mnot going to let that limit my time. I'm just going to try it." And now that I've done that, I feel a littlemore secure about doing other things. Like [speaking at the September 11 benefit concert at]Madison Square Garden was easy after I had the Oscar experience.

READER’S DIGEST: Do you see any value in having award ceremonies like the Oscars?

RYAN: I think people like it. I think the real value is people get to talk about it at home and you getto look forward to watching what people wear. I think it's so much fun for an audience to watch, justfun. Yet it gets so serious, the Oscar races, and they spend so much money on it. It seems theantithesis of what the real function of it is. The real function is entertainment.

READER’S DIGEST: Is there any role you'd love to play that you haven't had a chance to do yet?

RYAN: There are a lot of things I'd like to do. I don't know where to start on that, but I really wouldlike to find a movie like Klute. I love that character that Jane Fonda played, a complicated woman ina very desperate circumstance. She was sexy and smart.

READER’S DIGEST: I know for a while you were interested in Sylvia Plath.

RYAN: Yes, still trying to make that happen. It's been a long road.


READER’S DIGEST: I'm not surprised. But you're still committed to it?

RYAN: Yes.

READER’S DIGEST: Do you have a script?

RYAN: Actually, another one just came in. I think I've been working on it for five years. I'm not kid-ding, it's sitting on my desk.

READER’S DIGEST: Have you ever wanted to be on the stage?

RYAN: Yes, but truthfully, I also would like to direct. Something small, a little hour-long something. Ithas to be the right piece of material. But I think I'd like to do that now.

READER’S DIGEST: Last question: Are these really the best times for you?

RYAN: Oh, right now it's really good. It wasn't really good for about a year there. It was really trau-matic, and dramatic and awful. But it's good now. I don't feel as crumpled up as I did.


Documents

Meg Ryan: The Uncut Interview - Reader's Digestus.readersdigest.com/images/content/011402/meg_ryan_interview.pdf · Ryan confirms she’s more ... it's not overly sentimental or schlocky