Upload
phamliem
View
246
Download
0
Embed Size (px)
Citation preview
MIDDLE SCHOOL LUNCHROOM
by
Kamron Klitgaard
Kamron Klitgaard
898 S 700 W
Brigham City, UT 84302
801-668-2836
www.kamplays.com
CHARACTERS
THE NERDS
MYRTLE (F)
TRUDY (F)
DEX (M)
MILT (M)
MELVIN (M)
THE PREPPIES
AYVA (F)
CHLOE (F)
ALEX (M/F)
HARPER (M/F)
DREW (M/F)
THE JOCKS
ASHER (M)
CHIP (M)
TAYLOR (M/F)
HAYDEN (M/F)
JORDAN (M/F)
THE YOUTUBERS
JAKE (M)
PARKER (F)
LOGAN (M/F)
RILEY (M/F)
SKYLER (M/F)
THE PRINCESSES
ELLA (F)
ARIEL (F)
ROSE (F)
BELLA (F)
TIANA (F)
THE LOST
JAZZ (M/F)
AIDEN (M/F)
BAILEY (M/F)
BOBBIE (M/F)
DALLAS (M/F)
The One-Line: Several different cliques are examined in the middle school lunchroom.
Genre: Comedy/Drama
Cast: 30 total roles: 10 Female, 6 Male, 14 Either - Doubling and Extras possible
Setting: A middle school lunchroom with six tables, chairs, and a garbage can
Approx. Running Time: 45 minutes
Synopsis:
1
MIDDLE SCHOOL LUNCHROOM
SETTING: Six lunchroom tables and chairs. One table is prominently in the
Center.
AT RISE: A BELL RINGS. THE ENTIRE CAST enters. They gather, greet
and talk, as a typical day in the lunch room. Some get into a line
and some already have lunch trays. Some have paper sack
lunches. AYVA and ASHER approach the audience.
AYVA
Hi! My name’s Ayva.
ASHER
And I’m Asher.
AYVA
What you see before you is a typical middle school lunchroom.
ASHER
It’s not glamorous, exciting, or extraordinary in any way. But it’s our lunchroom.
AYVA
My cousin’s middle school has a Taco Bell, Domino’s Pizza, and a Chick-Fil-A. A Chick-Fil-A!
ASHER
All we have is the government mandated school lunch.
AYVA
But that’s not why we’re here. We wanted to show you this.
Each group goes to a table with the NERDS
going to the Center Table.
ASHER
See that? Everyone sits with the same people every day.
AYVA
It’s not the same table everyday but it’s always the same people.
ASHER
For example, on Monday the cafeteria could look like this.
(Approaching the center table)
Allow me to introduce you to this table. It’s called the Nerd Table.
THE NERDS do a nerd cheer.
2
AYVA
Don’t be too quick to dismiss these guys. They’re the future billionaires.
ASHER
Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, and Mark Zuckerberg would have sat at this table; not to mention Sir
Isaac Newton, Nikola Tesla, and Albert Einstein.
AYVA
I say, always be nice to the nerds. You never know what could happen. Now, on Tuesday, the
cafeteria might look like this.
All the groups rotate from one table to the
next. The PREPPIES rotate to the Center
Table.
ASHER
These are “The Preppies.”
The PREPPIES give a preppie cheer.
AYVA
They’re the guys that are, you know, popular.
ASHER
No one really knows why. It’s just the way it is. On Wednesday, the cafeteria may look like
this.
All the groups rotate again. The JOCKS
move to the Center Table and pose
jockishly.
AYVA
These are the Jocks.
The JOCKS give a jock cheer.
ASHER
You may have thought that the Jocks would be part of the Preppies. But there is a difference.
Jocks are obviously good at sports. Sometimes they get a bad rap because the stereo type is that
they’re big and dumb.
AYVA
But there are smart jocks and little jocks. Anyone who is good at sports is considered to be a
jock. On Thursdays, the cafeteria could look this way.
All the groups rotate. The YOUTUBERS
move to the Center Table.
3
ASHER
For the lack of a better term, these are the YouTubers.
The YOUTUBERS give a cheer using
phones and cameras.
AYVA
I don’t think this group existed when our parents were in middle school.
ASHER
They’re fairly new. These are the ones who are always trying to become YouTube stars.
They’re always trying to capture a video that will go viral. On Friday, you could walk into the
cafeteria and it might look like this.
All the groups rotate and The PRINCESSES
end up at the Center Table.
AYVA
These are the Princesses.
The PRINCESSES give a princess cheer.
ASHER
They’re not real princesses, obviously. We just call them that because they really, really, really,
care about how they look. They always wear nice clothes and have lots of accessories.
AYVA
And their hair is always perfect; just like real princesses. We’ve run out of school days, but if
we had to go to school on a Saturday, the cafeteria might look like this.
The groups rotate and The LOST move to
the Center Table.
ASHER
These are The Lost.
The LOST give a lost cheer.
AYVA
They’re not literally lost. They just don’t know what group they belong to.
ASHER
And there are a lot of groups out there. They just haven’t discovered who they are yet. But I
say, what’s the hurry?
AYVA
You’re right, there are a lot of groups. And these are just some of them. Sometimes there are
some crossovers; that’s when things get interesting. Watch this.
4
ASHER
Everyone rotate!
The groups rotate again and the NERDS
move back to the Center Table. AYVA
joins the PREPPIES and ASHER joins the
JOCKS. The NERDS are working hard on
drawing and coloring projects. CHIP
approaches the NERDS.
CHIP
Hey, guys.
DEX
Hey, Chip. Shouldn’t you be at the Jock table?
CHIP
I just wanted to see what you guys are doin’?
MELVIN
Hi, Chip. We’re creating legendary mythical creatures.
CHIP
Mythical creatures?
MYRTLE
Yeah, you know, like the hippogriff or a centaur. You combine the head of one creature with the
body of another. We’ve got some wild stuff. Check mine out.
(Showing a picture she’s drawn)
It’s a creature with the body of a sea lion… and it has the head of a seal.
DEX
Cool! And look at mine. It’s a mythical creature that has the body of a cobra… and the head of
a rattle snake.
CHIP
But those aren’t all that different. I don’t think I could even recognize a sea lion from a seal.
And isn’t yours gonna look like an ordinary snake?
TRUDY
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Have you ever seen a cobra or a rattle snake? They’re totally different!
MILT
Yeah, the cobra has a pair of occipitals behind the usual "nine-plate" arrangement typical of
colubrids and elapids. And it has faint, pale-yellow cross bands down the length of the body.
5
MELVIN
In contrast, the rattlesnake has a set of heat-sensing "pits" on its face that enable it to locate prey
and then move toward it. Not to mention the series of hollow, interlocked segments of keratin
modifying the scales.
CHIP
What?
MYRTLE
The rattle.
TRUDY
What do you think of mine? It has the head of a fish… and the tail of a mermaid.
Trudy shows a picture of a fish.
DEX
I can totally tell where the fish head starts.
CHIP
Hey, I was wondering if you guys are planning to go to the school dance next week.
Milt laughs a long and super-nerdy laugh.
MELVIN
Will there be girls there?
CHIP
Most likely.
MELVIN
Would we have to talk to them?
CHIP
Probably.
Milt laughs a long and super-nerdy laugh.
MELVIN
We couldn’t do that.
CHIP
What do you mean?
DEX
We don’t talk to girls.
6
MELVIN
Yeah, we get too nervous. It’s like, when there’s a girl around, we turn into nerds or something.
CHIP
What about Myrtle and Trudy here?
MILT
Well, anatomically, I guess you could consider them to be of the female persuasion.
DEX
But at the dance there will be real girls.
CHIP
Guys, that’s kind of insulting to them.
MYRTLE
Nah, we get it.
CHIP
Well, what if I help you?
MELVIN
Help us what?
CHIP
Talk to girls.
Milt laughs a long and super-nerdy laugh.
DEX
Uh, no thank you. I didn’t bring a change of underwear.
CHIP
You guys can’t just sit around drawing mythical creatures your whole life.
TRUDY
We don’t just draw mythical creatures. We also play Magic: The Gathering, Yu-Gi-Oh,
Dungeons & Dragons, and to a lesser extent, Minecraft.
MYRTLE
The mobile version!
CHIP
Alright, listen. My little brother is just like you guys. And I don’t want him to turn out like…
well, I want him to be able to go to a dance next year when he comes to middle school. So, I
thought if you guys could do it, then I’d be able to help him.
The NERDS huddle for a second then break.
7
MELVIN
Alright, we’ll do it.
MYRTLE
It should be an interesting sociological experiment.
MILT
I’m nervous.
CHIP
There’s nothing to be worried about. I’ll pretend to be a girl and you just talk to me.
DEX
Can you give us an example?
CHIP
Sure. Dex, let’s start with you. Stand up.
DEX
(Standing)
Okay, standing. What should I do?
CHIP
Alright, let’s pretend that I’m, say, Chloe, over there at the preppie table. And I come over and I
say, “Hi, Dex.”
DEX
You? Okay. I can pretend. How’s it going… Chloe?
The NERDS all laugh a long nerdy laugh.
CHIP
Great. Now… What are you doin’ this weekend?
(Waiting for DEX to answer but none comes)
Now you answer. Go ahead. What’s your answer?
TRUDY
Do a magic trick.
CHIP
No!
MYRTLE
Show her your Cobrattler.
CHIP
No!
8
MILT
Say something cool.
CHIP
Yes!
DEX
Something cool… Okay, got it. Hey there, groovy chick.
MYRTLE & TRUDY
Yes!
CHIP
No!
MELVIN
It’s gotta be suave and debonair. Like James Bond.
CHIP
Now you’re on the right track. Let’s try again. Hey, Dex. What are you doin’ this weekend?
DEX
I’m going to a Pokémon convention.
(Holding up a Pokeball)
See? Inside this Pokeball is my best friend, Pikachu. He’s shaken, not stirred.
TRUDY
Works for me.
MYRTLE
I’d dance with him. Gotta catch ‘em all!
CHIP
Let’s try someone else.
MILT
(Raising his hand fanatically)
Me! Oooo! Ooo! Ooo! Pick me! Me! Me!
CHIP
Alright, Milt.
MILT
(Standing)
Yes!
CHIP
Now remember, I’m Chloe. Hi, Milt. What are you doin’ this weekend?
9
Milt laughs a long and nerdy laugh and
sits back down.
MELVIN
(Standing)
Let me do it. It’s simple. All you have to do is just don’t get all weird.
CHIP
Exactly.
MELVIN
(Knightly voice)
Ask me the questions, bridge keeper! I’m not afraid!
CHIP
I’m Chloe, not the bridge keeper. Just remember that. Hi Melvin, what are you doing this
weekend?
MELVIN
(Suave)
I thought I’d wait to see what you’re doing before I made any plans.
CHIP
Not bad, keep going.
MELVIN
Chloe, I’ve never noticed, but your eyes… I’ve never seen that color before. They remind me of
the sky, just before dawn, when it’s turning that special color that fills your heart with an
incredible sense of gladness. Or the sea, with its endless waves of joy that seem to go on forever
and ever.
(Looking deep into his eyes)
Oh, wait. My mistake; they’re blue.
CHIP
Well, pretty good up until the end. I’ve got an idea. Why don’t we try it on the real Chloe?
DEX
Yeah, we’re ready!
MILT
Sure, we can do it. Just think, James Bond.
MELVIN
What about Jason Bourne?
CHIP
Guys, relax. Just be yourselves. It’ll be fine.
10
The NERDS sit at their table. CHIP goes to
the PREPPIES and talks with CHLOE.
MYRTLE looks in her lunch box.
MYRTLE
I hope he gets back before all this dry ice melts.
CHIP and CHLOE approach the Nerd Table.
CHIP
Hey, everyone? This is Chloe.
CHLOE
Hi, Guys. What are you doin’ this weekend?
DEX, MILT, and MELVIN scream high and
loud. They get up and run around the table,
constantly screaming. DEX dives under the
table to hide. Milt dives under another table
to hide. MELVIN army crawls into the
audience and hides. TRUDY and MYRTLE
laugh.
CHIP
Alright, just forget it!
CHIP and CHLOE return to their tables.
MILT, DEX, and MELVIN come out of
their hiding spots and return to their table.
TRUDY
(Pointing at each one of them)
Fail! Fail! Fail!
MYRTLE
Super ultra-mega fail. That’s what you guys just did.
DEX
It’s not that easy!
MILT
Yeah, I’d like to see you guys do it.
MELVIN
That would be the ultimate fail.
TRUDY
Fine. Just get some real men to come over here and we’ll talk to them.
11
DEX
Okay, I will. Are you ready?
MYRTLE
Hold on.
MYRTLE and TRUDY take off their glasses
and take the buns out of their hair. They
shake their hair out.
TRUDY
Ready.
DEX, MILT and MELVIN stare at them.
Suddenly, they scream high and loud. They
get up and run around the table, constantly
screaming. DEX dives under the table to
hide. Milt dives under another table to hide.
MELVIN army crawls into the audience and
hides.
MYRTLE
Rotate!
All the groups rotate tables. The
PREPPIES move to the Center Table.
TRUDY and MYRTLE put on their glasses
and stand next to the Preppie Table.
TRUDY
(To the audience)
As you know, this is the Preppie Table. Everyone here is popular.
MYRTLE
Many times, at this table, you can find one or more Peripheral Preppies. What’s a Peripheral
Preppie, you might ask? Well, Preppies are not self-sustaining. They need other kids to think
they’re popular or their popularity would not exist.
TRUDY
Which begs the question: If a girl is popularized in the lunchroom and no one is around to
confirm it, is she really popular?
MYRTLE
We call these other kids Peripheral Preppies.
TRUDY
They confirm the popularity of the Preppies and they themselves become popular when they’re
with the Preppies. But on their own, not popular.
12
MYRTLE
So, what makes a Preppie popular? Let’s listen in and see if we can find the answer.
MYRTLE and TRUDY go back to the Nerd
Table.
DREW
Alright, everyone, gather around!
The PREPPIES gather around DREW.
AYVA
Who’s the target?
DREW
We gotta find out who Jake likes.
CHLOE
Jake? Why Jake?
DREW
Because the word is that Alison likes Jake and if we can find out for her if he likes her back then
she promised to cheer for us for a whole month whenever we walk into class.
HARPER
Do we really need her to cheer? Aren’t we popular enough already?
ALEX
Harper! One, you can never be too popular, and two, we all know that popularity is like royalty:
You’re born into it. But if popularity ever becomes a democracy, we could lose our power just
like the Queen of England did.
DREW
Exactly. So, who knows Jake?
AYVA
He’s a Jock. Which makes him semi-popular. He has English with my cousin’s best friend’s
sister’s next-door neighbor.
(Handing DREW a paper)
I’ll have her pass him this note.
DREW
(Reading)
“Do you like Alison? Yes or No. Check a box.” What is this? Elementary school? “Check this
box” notes are out! I swear I don’t know why you’re popular.
AYVA
Sorry.
13
CHLOE
Maybe one of us could just walk up to him and ask him who he likes. Harper could do it.
HARPER
No way! If I did that then he might think I’m the one that likes him!
ALEX
I have an idea, instead of passing him a note, why don’t we have Ayva’s cousin’s best friend’s
sister’s next-door neighbor just walk up to him and ask him who he likes?
DREW
That’s not gonna work either. I know Ayva’s cousin’s best friend’s sister’s next-door neighbor
very well, and she’s smart. She would never risk having Jake think that she likes him.
CHLOE
Maybe we need to get someone who’s not so smart.
ALEX
No one wants anyone outside of their clique to know who they like, no matter how dumb they
are.
HARPER
If that’s true, and we all know it is, we only have one option: We have to infiltrate Jake’s
clique… The Jocks.
AYVA
(Dramatically)
Infiltration. It’s the only way.
CHLOE
But who’s gonna be the infiltrator?
DREW
If we’re making assignments here, we also need to find who Jace likes, who Miranda likes, who
Breanne likes and who Karlee likes.
CHLOE
And Melvin. We need to find out who Melvin likes.
DREW
Melvin? Who’s Melvin?
CHLOE
You know. Melvin?
(Pointing to the Nerd Table)
He sits over there at that table.
14
DREW
The nerd table? Melvin’s a nerd? Who would even care who Melvin likes?
CHLOE
(Guilty)
Well… No one… I guess. But there might be someone out there that, you know, might care.
(Looking at everyone staring at her)
But I’m sure they’re just nobodies and we don’t need their applause. Of course, if someone
should happen to… overhear who Melvin likes… we should probably… uh… you know… take
it into consideration.
ALEX
Let’s each take a clique and infiltrate.
DREW
(Pulling out a phone)
Alright. Remember, the leader of each clique is usually a Peripheral Preppie. I found some
directions on how to infiltrate a clique on my phone. Here it is. Cliqueinfiltration.com.
(Reading)
First, identify the clique you want to infiltrate and then locate that cliques lunch table.
AYVA
Alright, everyone pick a table.
CHLOE
(Quickly)
I got the Nerd Table!
(Looking at everyone staring at her)
Unless… someone else wants it.
DREW
Fine. Chloe gets the Nerd Table. Everyone else pick a table.
(Looking at phone)
It says, watch your clique’s table. When a clique member gets up to throw away their trash,
quickly take that seat, displacing that member. I’ll text you the rest of the directions.
They all turn and look at a table. CHLOE
watches the NERDS. AYVA watches the
JOCKS. ALEX watches the PRINCESSES.
HARPER watches the YOUTUBERS.
DREW watches the LOST. MYRTLE,
JORDAN, SKYLER, TIANA & DALLAS
all get up from their tables and take their
lunch trash to the garbage.
HARPER
Now!
15
The PREPPIES all run and take their places
at their tables. MYRTLE, JORDAN,
SKYLER, TIANA & DALLAS return to
find that their spots are taken. They tear up
and then each goes to an isolated spot and
sits on the floor, depressed.
DREW
(Reading aloud as she texts)
Now observe your table. The one who goes to sit with the displaced member is the leader of that
clique.
The PREPPIES pull out their phones and
read their texts. They watch their table.
DEX, ASHER, LOGAN, ELLA, and
JAZZ get up and go sit with the
displaced members and comfort them.
DREW
(Reading aloud as she texts)
The ones who remain at the table are the followers. While their leader is gone, quickly look him
or her up on Facebook and see what the clique likes to do for fun.
The PREPPIES all scan their phones.
DREW
(Reading aloud as she texts)
Now, do what you’ve learned from Facebook in front of the remaining clique members.
AYVA stands up on the Jock Table,
flexes her muscles and giving a long loud
roar. She does several body building poses.
AYVA
Sports in general are awesome!
The remaining JOCKS applaud. AYVA
sits. ALEX stands up on the Princess Table
and grabs one of the PRINCESS’S mirrors
and puts on lipstick and checks hair, primps,
etc.
ALEX
Someday my prince will come!
The remaining PRINCESSES applaud.
ALEX sits. HARPER stands up on the
YouTuber Table.
16
HARPER
Get your cameras ready!
The YOUTUBERS pull out their cameras
and point them at HARPER. HARPER runs
up behind the Jock Table and gives
TAYLOR a wet willey. TAYLOR reacts by
grabbing HARPER and throwing him/her
back to the Youtuber Table where she lands
sprawled out on the ground.
HARPER
(In pain)
Upload.
The remaining YOUTUBERS upload and
then applaud. HARPER sits. DREW stands
on the Lost Table.
DREW
(Dramatically)
Oh, dear! I’m not sure where I belong. I’m still trying to find myself. Maybe I like sports and
maybe I don’t. But maybe I like Band or Drama or Social Media or Clothes or Dungeons &
Dragons or being popular.
(Seeing that the LOST recognize her)
No, I’m not her. I just look like her. I am a lost soul who does not know who she is.
The remaining LOST MEMBERS applaud.
DREW sits. CHLOE stands on the Nerd
Table. She laughs a long nerdy laugh. She
pulls out a drawing and displays it.
CHLOE
You guys! Look at this mythical creature I drew. It has the head of a horse and the body of a
unicorn. What do you think Melvin?
MELVIN is amazed and starts clapping.
The other NERDS join in the applause.
CHLOE sits. DREW stands and texts.
DREW
(Speaking her text)
If they applaud, you’re in. Next, they should take you to their leader.
The REMAINING CLIQUE MEMBERS
adlib about how cool their “new clique
member” is and take them to the leaders and
17
the displaced members. The leaders stand
and look them up and down.
DREW
If the leader uses the phrases “Legit,” “Dope,” “Sick,” or “Awesome Sauce,” you’ve
successfully infiltrated the clique.
DEX, ASHER, LOGAN, ELLA, & JAZZ
Awesome Sauce!
The OTHER CLIQUE MEMBERS cheer.
THE PREPPIES
(Quietly to the leaders)
So, who do you like?
BELLA
Rotate!
Everyone rejoins their cliques at the next
table in the rotation. The JOCKS end up at
the Center Table. They have sports water
bottles with them. BELLA and ROSE step
close to the Jock Table.
ROSE
(To the audience)
By now you’ve realized that eating lunch is not the most important thing that happens in the
lunchroom. In fact, it’s only a minor part of it.
(Motioning to the JOCKS)
These are the Jocks.
BELLA
They’re closely related to the Preppies. Because they are good at sports, they’re popular but
they’re not really concerned about being popular because popularity is all opinion based.
ROSE
The one word to describe these guys is “competitive.” You’d never see these guys in a sport like
figure skating or gymnastics because the outcome depends on someone’s opinion.
BELLA
The winner in Football, baseball, and basketball, on the other hand, is based on whoever scores
the most points. They only play sports where the winner can be decided on the field or court and
not on some judge’s scorecard.
ROSE
This competitiveness, however, never stays on the field. It often pours over into lunch.
18
ROSE and BELLA go back to their table.
HAYDEN
I’m faster!
JORDAN
I’m faster!
HAYDEN
I’m faster!!
JORDAN
I’m faster!!
TAYLOR
Neither of you is faster because I’m faster!
CHIP
No, I’m faster!
ASHER
I’m faster!
ALL JOCKS
I’m faster!!!
HAYDEN
There’s only one way to settle this?
JORDAN
Whoever can say that they’re faster the most?
CHIP
Yep!
ALL JOCKS
(Super-fast)
I’m faster! I’m faster! I’m faster! I’m faster! I’m faster! I’m faster! I’m faster!
HAYDEN
Shut iiiiit!!! No! Not by saying it; by doing it!
ASHER
Oh yeah, that should’ve been fairly obvious.
HAYDEN
Line up!
19
The JOCKS stand up in a line facing the
audience, leaving their water on the table.
HAYDEN opens a backpack and distributes
a Twinkie to each of them.
TAYLOR
Oh, man! I hate Twinkies!
CHIP
Who hates Twinkies? They’re delicious!
TAYLOR
There’s something about that synthetic spongy texture that rubs my taste buds the wrong way.
JORDAN
A couple of months ago, Taylor, went on the Zipper ride at the City of Fun carnival.
ASHER
I love the Zipper.
JORDAN
So did Taylor. But it was right after eating an entire box of Twinkies. After the ride, there was
Twinkie upchuck all over everything and everyone. Since then, s/he hasn’t been able to go near
a Twinkie.
HAYDEN
Then why did you say you could eat one the fastest?
TAYLOR
I guess I hadn’t thought it through. But I am the fastest!
CHIP
I’m the fastest!
JORDAN
I’m the fastest!
ALL JOCKS
I’m the fastest!
HAYDEN
Knock it off! Here’s our chance to prove just who is the fastest. Everyone get ready.
They hold their Twinkies ready to open
except for TAYLOR.
TAYLOR
I think I’ll sit this one out.
20
HAYDEN
That’s fine. I knew you couldn’t eat a Twinkie, much less be the fastest one to do so.
TAYLOR
Fine! I will eat a Twinkie and I’ll be the fastest!
JORDAN
I predict that Taylor won’t even finish the Twinkie.
TAYLOR
(Preparing to open the Twinkie)
Oh, yeah?!
HAYDEN
On your marks. Get set. Go!
HAYDEN, JORDAN, ASHER & CHIP
open their Twinkies as fast as they can and
devour them. ASHER wins and throws up
his arms in Victory. TAYLOR opens the
Twinkie with the rest of them but when the
smell of the Twinkie hits, s/he gags. Then
tries holding nose and touching the Twinkie
with the tongue.
HAYDEN
Alright, Asher won that one.
ASHER
I told you I was the fastest.
CHIP
Look at Taylor, s/he can’t even take one bite!
TAYLOR
Can too!
JORDAN
Prove it!
ASHER
(Taunting)
It’s okay, Taylor. We understand, you’re just not as competitive as the rest of us. Winning just
isn’t in your blood.
TAYLOR
Fine!
21
TAYLOR takes a bite and slowly chews.
His/her face contorts, holds back a gag,
swallows hard, then shutters and makes
yucky noises.
HAYDEN
Only two bites to go.
CHIP
Asher may have been the fastest Twinkie eater. But I’m faster at hot sauce.
JORDAN
No, you’re not, I’m faster!
HAYDEN
I’m faster!
ASHER
I’m faster!
TAYLOR
I’m faster!
CHIP
It’s on!
(Pulling out hot sauce packets and distributing them)
This is a packet of Isabella’s Insanity Sauce. It’s the hottest hot sauce in the world. They don’t
sell it in bottles because that much Insanity Sauce in one place is just too dangerous. I got this
from my dad’s private hot sauce collection. He had to sign a waiver before they would sell it to
him. Once he had an old coin that was so grimy he couldn’t read the date. One day he
accidentally dropped it in some of Isabella’s Insanity Sauce. When he pulled it out the entire
coin was completely gone.
JORDAN
Let’s do this!
TAYLOR
Oh, man! I hate hot sauce!
CHIP
Who hates hot sauce? It’s delicious!
TAYLOR
There’s something about the feeling of thousands of tiny lava-hot needles that rubs my taste buds
the wrong way.
JORDAN
A couple of months ago, Taylor, went on the Zero Gravity ride at the City of Fun carnival.
22
ASHER
I love Zero Gravity.
JORDAN
So did Taylor. But it was right after eating a taco loaded with hot sauce. After the ride, there
was hot sauce spew all over everything and everyone. Since then s/he hasn’t been able to go
near any kind of hot sauce.
CHIP
(Taunting)
It’s okay, Taylor. You don’t have to play. You still have a half a Twinkie left.
TAYLOR
I’m in! Gimme that packet.
CHIP
Since squeezing a hot sauce packet into your mouth doesn’t take any time, this will be a race of
endurance. The Winner will be the last one to take a drink after eating the Insanity Sauce.
HAYDEN
You’re all going down!
CHIP
On your marks!
(They get ready to rip open their packet)
Get set!
(They rip a corner off their packet)
Go!
They each squeeze the packet into their
mouth except TAYLOR. ASHER, CHIP
HAYDEN & JORDAN contort their faces
because of the heat. TAYLOR touches the
packet to his/her tongue, screams and
retreats to the table and gulps down water.
One by one the others peel off to drink until
CHIP is the only one remaining. He throws
up his arms in victory and then drinks. They
all make a big deal about how their tongues
are burning.
JORDAN
Alright, Chip won that one, but… Hey, Taylor didn’t even squeeze the Insanity Sauce into his
mouth!
HAYDEN
Cheater!
23
ASHER
And we thought you were competitive!
TAYLOR
I’m gonna do it! Just watch!
TAYLOR hold the packet to his/her mouth
and hesitates. They wait, but s/he doesn’t
ever squeeze it.
JORDAN
This could be a while. Next competition! Lunchroom broccoli.
CHIP
The competition just got tougher.
TAYLOR
Oh, man! I hate broccoli!
CHIP
Who hates broccoli? It’s delicious and nutritious!
TAYLOR
There’s something about the way the tiny green pellets spread bitter yuckiness and attack my
taste buds the wrong way.
JORDAN
A couple of months ago, Taylor, went on the Vomitron 3000 ride at the City of Fun carnival.
ASHER
I love Vomitron.
JORDAN
So did Taylor. But it was right after eating a whole plate of boiled broccoli. After the ride, there
was broccoli regurgitant all over everything and everyone. Since then s/he hasn’t been able to go
near the lunchroom broccoli.
TAYLOR
I’m in! I’m gonna win this one!
HAYDEN
You still have half a Twinkie and an Insanity Sauce packet to eat.
TAYLOR
(Angry)
Bring on the broccoli!
24
JORDAN
(Handing everyone a sprig of broccoli)
First one to swallow it all wins. On your marks, get set, Go!
They eat the broccoli as fast as they can,
except TAYLOR just dangles it over his/her
mouth. HAYDEN wins and throws up arms
in victory. They congratulate him/her.
TAYLOR is still dangling the broccoli.
ASHER
Taylor, just give it up.
CHIP
So, you’re not the best at competitive eating.
TAYLOR
Yes, I am!
HAYDEN
You still have a Twinkie and hot sauce. You’ll never get it all eaten before the bell rings.
TAYLOR
Yes, I will!
TAYLOR holds out the Twinkie, smashes
the broccoli on top, then squeezes the hot
sauce onto it.
JORDAN
Taylor, no! It’s too dangerous. Don’t do it.
TAYLOR
Too late!
TAYLOR shoves the concoction in his/her
mouth. The others gasp. TAYLOR
squinches up his/her face, chews and
swallows.
ASHER
Take cover!
They all dive for cover. TAYLOR’S face is
contorted, then suddenly it relaxes. Eyes
open.
25
TAYLOR
That’s pretty good. Can I have some more?
CHIP
Rotate!
The groups rotate and the YOUTUBERS go
to the Center Table. RILEY pulls out a
camera and secretly films. BAILEY and
BOBBIE step up to the audience but away
from the YOUTUBERS.
BOBBIE
In case you forgot, those are the YouTubers.
BAILEY
We don’t wanna get too close or we might end up in one of their videos.
BOBBIE
They’re always trying to get a video to go viral.
BAILEY
A couple of weeks ago they tried to stay over-night in the school and film it.
BOBBIE
The video started with them in the gym at about an hour after school got out. They were hiding
under the bleachers.
BAILEY
But then they decided that they didn’t want to spend time in the school when they didn’t have to
and they went home.
BOBBIE
The video got five Likes.
(Looking at the YOUTUBERS)
I wonder who those likes were from.
BOBBIE and BAILEY return to their table.
RILEY
Hey, you guys! The ground is lava!
The other YOUTUBERS scream and get off
the ground as fast and anyway possible.
RILEY
Ha! That’s gonna go viral for sure.
26
They all come back.
LOGAN
Nah, none of our other lava videos went viral.
JAKE
Our barbequing in the toy section of Walmart video got 53 Likes.
RILEY
And banned us from Walmart forever.
LOGAN
I got an idea. What do you think would happen if I tripped someone?
(They all pull out their cameras ready to film.)
Relax. I’m just asking. We don’t wanna get banned from the lunch room, we’ll have no place
left to film.
SKYLER
Then let’s do a practice. Like, just to find out if it would be worth it. Jake, you walk by us and
Logan will trip you.
JAKE
Okay.
JAKE walks to the other end of the room.
SKYLER
(Tossing JAKE a book)
Here! Pretend your reading.
JAKE opens the book and walks. LOGAN
sticks a leg out and trips JAKE, who falls.
The book goes flying.
RILEY
It’s hilarious. Let’s film it for real.
LOGAN
It’s good, but it’s not viral good. I’d say only 30 Likes worth.
SKYLER
What if someone were coming from the other direction?
PARKER
I’ll do it!
PARKER goes to the opposite side and
JAKE grabs the book and resets.
27
SKYLER
Go!
JAKE opens the book and walks. LOGAN
sticks a leg out and trips him, the book goes
flying. PARKER walks and gets hit by
book.
LOGAN
Make it real, Parker. What would you say if you got hit by a book?
PARKER
Hey, who threw the book at me?!
SKYLER
Hilarious.
RILEY
Maybe 35 Likes. What would happen next?
LOGAN
Do it again and this time keep going? What would people say to each other if this happened?
Just go with it.
They reset and repeat. PARKER gets hit by
the book.
PARKER
Hey, who threw the book at me?!
JAKE
(Getting up and helping her)
I’m so sorry! I lost my footing and my book just flew out of my hands. Are you okay? Are you
hurt?
PARKER
(Liking what she sees)
Oh… no. It didn’t hurt at all. In fact, I like being hit by books.
JAKE
(It’s love at first sight)
You do?
PARKER
Sure. When their flung by the right person. I’m Parker. Hi.
28
JAKE
Parker? Wow. I’m Jake. Would you like to, maybe, go get an organic double-shot half almond
milk French roast decaf hot chocolate with two half pumps of hazelnut and a light dusting of
cinnamon?
PARKER
Absolutely.
LOGAN
So, it’s a love story?
JAKE
You said, “Just go with it.”
SKYLER
So, your random act of cruelty sparks a new romance. This is fun. What happens next?
LOGAN
You enter as some other random person.
SKYLER
(Taking skateboard to the opposite end from PARKER)
Got it. Start over!
JAKE and PARKER reset. JAKE walks,
LOGAN trips him, PARKER gets hit by
book.
PARKER
Hey, who threw the book?!
JAKE
(Getting up and helping her)
I’m so sorry! Are you hurt?
PARKER
(Liking what she sees)
I like being hit by books.
JAKE
(It’s love at first sight)
Wanna get an organic double-shot half almond milk French roast decaf hot chocolate with two
half pumps of hazelnut and a light dusting of cinnamon?
PARKER
Absolutely. I’ll meet you at 7-11.
29
SKYLER enters on skateboard with a paper
bag labeled “Volatile Chemicals” and
almost hits PARKER.
SKYLER
Watch it, Lady!
SKYLER runs into JAKE, and they both go
down. The paper bag falls too.
RILEY
What’s it say on the bag?
JAKE
(Picking up the bag)
Volatile Chemicals.
RILEY
What’s that mean?
PARKER
Volatile means unstable, unpredictable, or erratic.
LOGAN
Why would you be carrying a bag of volatile chemicals?
SKYLER
I figure I’m one of those delivery guys on a bicycle except on a skateboard.
LOGAN
In the lunchroom?
SKYLER
Maybe I’m on my way to deliver it to the science room.
LOGAN
I guess that’s plausible. Do it again, let’s see what happens next.
They reset. JAKE enters, LOGAN trips
him, PARKER enters and gets hit by book.
PARKER
I like being hit by books!
JAKE
(Getting up and helping her)
Sorry! Wanna meet at 7-11?
30
PARKER
Absolutely.
SKYLER enters on skateboard.
SKYLER
Watch it lady!
SKYLER runs into JAKE and they go down.
JAKE pick up the bag, opens it and puts his
face in it to see inside.
SKYLER
Wait! Don’t!
JAKE groans in agony and slowly slinks to
the ground.
JAKE
I’m melting! Melting!
RILEY
Why are you melting?
JAKE
They’re chemicals, I just thought that… don’t chemicals do that? They are volatile.
RILEY enters the scene.
RILEY
Hi, let me take a look at you. I’m a doctor.
JAKE
In the lunchroom?
RILEY
Yes. Uh, my son forgot his lunch today so I brought it to him. Lucky timing.
(Examining JAKE)
I’m sorry to tell you this, but you only have three seconds to live.
LOGAN
Whoa! Whoa! You mean because I trip him he goes through all this and dies?
RILEY
You said, “just go with it.”
LOGAN
Start it again.
31
They reset. JAKE enters, LOGAN trips
him, PARKER enters and gets hit by book.
PARKER
Let’s meet at 7-11!
SKYLER enters on skateboard.
SKYLER
Watch it lady!
SKYLER runs over JAKE, who then picks
up the bag, opens it.
SKYLER
Wait! Don’t!
JAKE groans in agony and slinks.
JAKE
I’m melting volatilely!
RILEY
Hi, I’m a doctor. I’m sorry but you only have three seconds to live. One, two—
(JAKE dies.)
I mean two seconds.
JAKE
(Sitting up and moaning)
Brains!
RILEY
Zombie! Run for your lives!
JAKE gets up and bites Parker who screams.
LOGAN
(Skeptical)
Hold it! You mean that if I trip somebody, one thing will lead to another and cause a zombie
apocalypse?
(Excited)
That would totally go viral! Let’s do it for real. Everyone get your cameras ready.
The YOUTUBERS sit at their table and pull
out their cameras and phones to record.
RILEY
Here comes someone! Trip ‘em good, Logan.
32
JORDAN enters reading a book. LOGAN
trips JORDAN who gets up and grabs
LOGAN by the collar and flings him/her
across the room. ARIEL enters and
LOGAN bumps into her. ARIEL headbutts
LOGAN and then shoves him/her to the
other side where BAILEY has entered.
LOGAN runs into BAILEY. BAILEY kick
him/her in the shins, then spins LOGAN
around and shoves him/her the other way
and right into MELVIN. MELVIN pokes
him/her in the eye. LOGAN can’t see and
runs into the back of HAYDEN, who runs
into CHLOE sending her into the arms of
MELVIN. Romantic music plays.
EVERYONE
Awwweee!
MELVIN faints. CHOLE turns and slaps
LOGAN. LOGAN falls in front of the
YouTuber’s Table.
YOUTUBERS
Upload!
LOGAN
(Getting up)
Rotate!
Everyone goes back to their group at the
next table in the rotation. The
PRINCESSES go to the Center Table.
PARKER and SKYLER step out.
PARKER
Everyone knows this table as the Princess Table.
SKYLER
We call them Princesses because they look like Princesses.
PARKER
It’s all about image with them.
SKYLER
They always look good. They have lots of accessories and their hair is… well, their hair is either
the light of their life or the bane of their existence.
33
PARKER
I wonder what it is today.
PARKER and SKYLER go back to their
table.
ELLA
(Pulling a book from her backpack)
This is outrageous! Look at this.
ELLA Throws the book on the table.
ARIEL
(Picking up the book and reading)
“101 Blonde Jokes.” So?
ELLA
So, we’re blonde! Well, not all of us right now but at some time we have all been or will be in
the future, blonde!
ROSE
Blonde jokes have been around for years. Why you throwing a fit about it now, Ella?
ELLA
I’ll tell you why, Rose.
(Pulling another book out and throwing it on the table)
Because of this!
ARIEL
(Picking up the book and reading)
“101 Polack Jokes.” That’s weird. What’s a Polack?
BELLA
Oh, come on, Ariel. A Polack is a person from Poland. But I think they’re called Poles now.
TIANA
Then what is a Polack joke?
ELLA
Thank you for asking, Tiana. Open that book and read what I’ve marked.
ARIEL
(Opening and reading)
Why did the Polack climb the chain link fence?
TIANA
Why?
34
ARIEL
(Reading)
To see what was on the other side.
TIANA
Ha! That’s a good one?
BELLA
But why is it a Polack? Shouldn’t it be a blonde?
ELLA
Now read the one I marked in the Blonde Joke book.
ARIEL
(Opening the Blonde book and reading)
Why did the Blonde climb the chain link fence?
ROSE
It’s the same joke!
ELLA
Exactly.
TIANA
So, what’s the answer?
They give TIANA a look.
ROSE
Where did you get this Polack book? It looks old.
ELLA
I found it in my Grandpa’s bookshelf.
ARIEL
Are there more jokes that are the same?
ELLA
All of them. How many Polack’s does it take to screw in a light bulb? Why did the Polack
cross the road? How do you get a one-armed Polack out of a tree? And so on, and so forth.
They’re all there.
BELLA
So, blonde Jokes used to be Polack Jokes?
ELLA
That’s right! Somebody’s just used the same joke book and slapped a different cover on it.
35
ROSE
Swapping the word Polack for Blonde. You’re right, Ella, this is outrageous.
TIANA
Use a ladder?
ARIEL
What?
TIANA
That’s how to get a one-armed blonde out of a tree? Use a ladder?
ELLA
No, no. You simply wave to her.
TIANA
Oh.
They all try not to laugh.
ROSE
(Snickering)
That’s not funny at all.
ELLA
The point is, people used to think Polacks were the dumb ones, not us… I mean blondes.
BELLA
Why did they think the Polish were dumb?
ELLA
I asked my grandpa about that. He said that it all started with the Nazis. They spread their
propaganda throughout Europe that Polish people had subhuman intelligence, dehumanizing
them, so that no one would mind if they invaded them. Then the Soviet Union thought that was
a good idea and kept the propaganda going so that they could invade them too. Then the Soviet
sympathizers in Hollywood made fun of the Polish people in movies, TV, and…
(Holding up the book)
Joke books!
The PRINCESS all gasp.
ARIEL
So, one book is Nazi propaganda and the other is about us… I mean blondes.
TIANA
You know what would be terrible? If you were a blonde Polack.
36
ROSE
How did it switch? How did we end up being the target of some ancient Nazi propaganda
campaign?
ELLA
I think I know. I believe the Poles put forth a propaganda campaign of their own. They sent out
over 50 million blonde-joke emails, and have saturated social media with “Blondes are dumb”
witticisms and humorous anecdotes.
(Looking at phone)
And look at the titles of these books I found online. “The Best Blonde Jokes in the World” by
Dr. Smart Polack, and “Blondes Are Dumber Than Polacks” by Polack Smarty Pants, and
“How to Make the Transition From Polack jokes to Blonde Jokes – For Dummies.”
TIANA
Oh, I have that one! It’s pretty good.
BELLA
So, the Poles are behind this. They’ve successfully transitioned the world from Polack jokes to
blonde jokes.
ARIEL
It would seem so. And by successfully deflecting the Nazi propaganda onto us, they’ve proven
that they are actually very intelligent.
ELLA
We’re just as smart as the poles.
TIANA
Not according to Polack Smarty Pants.
ELLA
Yes, we are! That’s why we are going to do the same thing that they did to us to some other
group.
ROSE
You mean we’re gonna start our own campaign and make some other group the butt of the joke?
ELLA
Exactly! But which group should we target?
TIANA
How about the Einsteins?
BELLA
Einstein? As in Albert Einstein?
TIANA
Yeah, I guess.
37
ARIEL
Tiana, Einstein was a brilliant scientist.
TIANA
He couldn’t have been brilliant, because whenever I do something stupid, everyone says to me,
“Way to go, Einstein.”
ROSE
What about the nerds? Everyone likes to make fun of nerds.
BELLA
That’s not gonna fly. Ever since that T.V. show, The Big Bang Theory, nerds are the new cool
kids.
ARIEL
Preppies?
TIANA
Try it out.
ARIEL
Okay, why did the Preppie get excited when she finished her jigsaw puzzle in nine months?
Because the box said, “For 2 to 4 years.”
None of them laugh.
ELLA
It doesn’t make sense.
ARIEL
Let me try again. Why did the Blonde get excited when she finished her jigsaw puzzle in nine
months? Because the box said, “For 2 to 4 years.”
They all try not to laugh.
ROSE
(Snickering)
That’s a good one!
ELLA
Preppies must not be a good group to make fun of. What about Jocks, or the YouTubers, or…
(Pointing to the Lost Table)
…those guys! Try one of them.
ARIEL
Okay. What did “those guys” name their pet zebra?
38
ELLA
You can’t use “those guys” in the joke!
BELLA
Yeah, it has to be a real name that people call other people.
TIANA
Like blondes?
ELLA
Yes, like blondes but not blondes!
ROSE
What about Band Geeks?
TIANA
No, I got a better one! How about Spots?
ARIEL
There’s a group called the Spots?
TIANA
No, silly. That’s what “those guys” would name their pet zebra.
JAZZ stands up.
JAZZ
Hey, everyone! I’ve got one for you! What did Snow White say when her photos weren’t
ready? Someday my prints will come.
Everyone laughs. JAZZ sits.
ELLA
That’s it! We’ll target princesses!
ALL PRINCESSES
Yeah, princesses! They deserve to be the butt of the joke. They’ve got subhuman intelligence
anyway. Target them! Etc.
BELLA
Let’s start the campaign right now! We need to write some princess jokes.
TIANA
I got one! Why can’t Cinderella play soccer? She’s always running away from the ball! Ha, ha,
ha!
39
ELLA
No, no, no. Not real princesses! We’re talking about a group. People just call them princesses
because they really, really, really, care about how they look. They always wear nice clothes and
have lots of accessories and most of the time they’re blonde.
ROSE
Yeah, we just take the blonde jokes, take the word “blonde” out and replace it with “princess.”
ARIEL
Like, what did the “Princess” say when she looked in her box of Cheerios?
ELLA
Exactly!
ASHER walks by.
ASHER
Hey, princesses! You’re looking pretty princessy today.
ASHER goes back to his table.
ALL PRINCESSES
Hi, Asher!
BELLA
(With a love sigh)
I love when he calls me princess.
ALL PRINCESSES
Me too!
ELLA
Alright, let’s get to work! We gotta lot of blonde jokes to transform into princess jokes.
TIANA pulls out a box of Cheerios and
looks inside.
TIANA
You guys, look! Donut seeds!
TAYLOR
Rotate!
ALL THE GROUPS move to the last table
in the rotation. The LOST goes to the
Center Table. JAZZ stands and approaches
the audience.
40
JAZZ
Hi, I’m JAZZ. I’ll be introducing our group. We don’t have anyone to introduce us because
they don’t know what to say about us. We’re lost; meaning we don’t know what group we fit
into. I don’t know if that’s good or bad, but one thing I do know is that we don’t know who we
want to be. Perhaps if I introduce you to someone, you’ll understand. This is AIDEN.
(AIDEN stands.)
I thought Aiden was so cool that, naturally, I wanted to be like him/her. So, I tried to do
everything like Aiden. First, I tried to walk like him/her.
AIDEN walks around the room in his/her
own way. JAZZ follows and copies
AIDEN’S walk. They stop.
JAZZ
I tried to talk like Aiden.
AIDEN
(Waving to someone)
Hey, man! Hididdleedee!
JAZZ
(Imitating)
Hey, man! Hididdleedee!
(To audience)
I even tried to laugh like Aiden
AIDEN laughs in his/her own way. JAZZ
copies the laugh.
JAZZ
That’s not all. I bought the same brand of clothes as Aiden, I tried to do my homework like
Aiden. I even tried to comb my hair like Aiden.
AIDEN
But what Jazz didn’t know was that I wanted to be like Bailey.
(Bailey approaches)
I thought Bailey was so cool that I tried to walk like her/him.
BAILEY walks around the room in his/her
own way. AIDEN & JAZZ follow. AIDEN
copies BAILEY and JAZZ copies AIDEN.
They stop.
AIDEN
I tried to talk like Bailey.
41
BAILEY
(Waving to someone)
Hey, man! Hididdleedee!
AIDEN & JAZZ
(Imitating)
Hey, man! Hididdleedee!
AIDEN
I even tried to laugh like Bailey.
BAILEY laughs in his/her own way.
AIDEN & JAZZ copy the laugh in
succession.
BAILEY
But what AIDEN didn’t know was that I wanted to be like Bobbie.
(Bobbie approaches)
Bobbie was so cool that I tried to walk like him/her.
BOBBIE walks around the room in his/her
own way. BAILEY, AIDEN & JAZZ
follow. BAILEY copies BOBBIE, AIDEN
copies BAILEY, and JAZZ copies AIDEN.
They stop.
BAILEY
I tried to talk like Bobbie.
BOBBIE
(Waving to someone)
Hey, man! Hididdleedee!
BAILEY & AIDEN & JAZZ
(Imitating)
Hey, man! Hididdleedee!
BAILEY
I even tried to laugh like Bobbie.
BOBBIE laughs in his/her own way.
BAILEY, AIDEN & JAZZ copy the laugh
in succession.
BOBBIE
But what Bailey didn’t know was that I wanted to be like Dallas.
(Dallas approaches)
Dallas was so cool that I tried to walk like him/her.
42
DALLAS walks around the room in his/her
own way. BOBBIE, BAILEY, AIDEN &
JAZZ follow. BOBBIE copies DALLAS,
BAILEY copies BOBBIE, AIDEN copies
BAILEY, and JAZZ copies AIDEN. They
stop.
BOBBIE
I tried to talk like Dallas.
DALLAS
(Waving to someone)
Hey, man! Hididdleedee!
BOBBIE, BAILEY, AIDEN & JAZZ
(Imitating)
Hey, man! Hididdleedee!
BOBBIE
I even tried to laugh like Dallas.
DALLAS laughs in his/her own way.
BOBBIE, BAILEY, AIDEN & JAZZ copy
the laugh in succession.
DALLAS
But what Bobbie didn’t know was that I wanted to be like Hayden.
HAYDEN
(Hayden stands at the Jock table)
Me? I guess I can understand that.
HAYDEN approaches.
DALLAS
I thought Hayden was so cool that I tried to walk like him/her.
HAYDEN walks around the room in his/her
own way. DALLAS, BOBBIE, BAILEY,
AIDEN & JAZZ follow. DALLAS copies
HAYDEN, BOBBIE copies DALLAS,
BAILEY copies BOBBIE, AIDEN copies
BAILEY, and JAZZ copies AIDEN. They
stop.
DALLAS
I tried to talk like Hayden.
43
HAYDEN
(Waving to someone)
Hey, man! Hididdleedee!
DALLAS, BOBBIE, BAILEY, AIDEN & JAZZ
(Imitating)
Hey, man! Hididdleedee!
DALLAS
I even tried to laugh like Hayden.
HAYDEN laughs in his/her own way.
DALLAS BOBBIE, BAILEY, AIDEN &
JAZZ copy the laugh in succession.
HAYDEN
But what Dallas didn’t know was that I wanted to be like Alex.
ALEX
(Standing)
But what Hayden didn’t know was that I wanted to be like Dex.
DEX
(Standing)
But I wanted to be like Rose.
ROSE
(Standing)
But I wanted to be like Parker.
PARKER
(Standing)
But I wanted to be like Drew.
DREW
(Standing)
But I wanted to be like Asher.
ASHER
(Standing)
But I wanted to be like Logan.
LOGAN
(Standing)
But I wanted to be like Milt.
44
MILT
(Standing)
But I wanted to be like Ella.
ELLA
(Standing)
But I wanted to be like Chloe.
CHLOE
(Standing)
But I wanted to be like Melvin.
MELVIN
(Standing)
But I wanted to be like Chip.
CHIP
(Standing)
But I wanted to be like Ariel.
ARIEL
(Standing)
But I wanted to be like Myrtle
MYRTLE
(Standing)
But I wanted to be like Harper.
HARPER
(Standing)
But I wanted to be like Taylor.
TAYLOR
(Standing)
But I wanted to be like Riley.
RILEY
(Standing)
But I wanted to be like Bella.
BELLA
(Standing)
But I wanted to be like Trudy.
TRUDY
(Standing)
But I wanted to be like Jake.
45
JAKE
(Standing)
But I wanted to be like Jordan.
JORDAN
(Standing)
But I wanted to be like Tiana.
TIANA
(Standing)
But I wanted to be like Skyler.
SKYLER
(Standing)
But I wanted to be like Ayva.
AYVA
But what Skyler didn’t know was that I wanted to be like… Jazz.
JAZZ
What?! Me? But… I had no idea.
EVERYONE sits at their tables as ASHER
and AYVA step forward.
ASHER
Well, that’s our middle school lunchroom.
AYVA
If you come back next week, it might look completely different. But there still won’t be a Chick-
Fil-A!
ASHER
There’re a lot of groups out there. And if you haven’t found who you are, well, I’ve said it
before and I’ll say it again… what’s the hurry?
BLACKOUT.