Military Press Zone 2, Mar. 1, 2014

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C

By Joel S. HirschhornThe phrase honest politician has become an

oxymoron. We should not be impressed by the pros-pect of having the first woman or first Latino presi-dent. What would be far more intriguing would be to have the first honest president, if not ever, cer-tainly in a very long time.

Presidents in recent memory have been excel-lent liars, contributing mightily to our culture of dishonesty. Bill Clinton had the audacity to look right into the TV camera and blatantly lie to the American public. George W. Bush has probably set a record for official lying, though it might take many decades to fully document them. Carl M. Cannon saw the bigger truth: “posterity will judge [George W. Bush] not so much by whether he told

the truth but whether he recognized what the truth actually was.”

Things have gotten so bad that hardly anyone can even imagine an honest president. But if we don’t expect an honest presi-dent, how can we expect to trust government?

Don Nash made these insightful observations, “If America was ever faced with a politician who

spoke truth to the people, no one would know what to make of the oddity. This politician could proba-bly not get elected to office. Sadly, Americans can’t handle the truth. “Lies, then, are the consequential destruction of American democracy. Little by very little, the lies and lying politicians have chipped away at America’s Constitution and the American form of government.”

Rampant lying by politicians is a major reason why so many Americans have stopped paying at-tention to politics, stopped hoping for political re-forms, and stopped voting

Lying politicians probably tell themselves that the public cannot take the truth. Many convince themselves (lie to themselves) that lies of omission are not really serious like lies of commission.

Desperately seeking:HONESTPOLITICIANS

continued on next page

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During a primary season it is worth-while to look at Republican and Dem-ocratic candidates from this honest-president perspective. A truly honest president would have the greatest loyalty to honoring the rule of law, the Constitution and the needs of the pub-lic, rather than what we have grown used to: greatest loyalty to their party and the moneyed interests funding it. If the nation really wants a change president, honesty should be a require-ment.

An honest president would threaten the corrupt, dishonest and rigged two-party political system, so one getting a presidential nomination is improbable. How could an honest person obtain fi-nancing for their campaign? How could they get diverse groups to support their candidacy? Candidates tell dif-ferent groups what pleases them, and eventually contradict themselves. Flip-flopping sounds bad, but is even worse when the new position is a lie.

Some may suggest that a candidate does not have to be honest during campaigning, but only be honest once elected president. But can someone with real character find it easy to lie repeatedly during campaigning and then have the ability to stop lying once elected? I think not. Besides, how can citizens detect the potential honest president if that person is behaving like all normal lying candidates during campaigns? A truly honest person must

HONESTCont’d. from Page 3

stand out and be seen as exceptional by the public because of their habitual honesty. But the candidates most likely

Lies entertain. Honesty disturbs. Honesty produces painful truths about the nation, government, and failed pub-

lic policies. Truth-telling politicians usually say things that people would rather not hear and or think about.

Meanwhile the mainstream media and pundits, promoting confrontation and horse races to entertain and keep their audiences, are reluctant to call ly-ing politicians liars. Instead, they use oblique language and euphemisms to conceal the truth about lying. They are as dishonest as the politicians they talk about. How interesting it would be to have media people ask candidates something like: Are you being the most honest person you can be in this campaign? I don’t think the majority of dishonest ones would not say “yes.” Instead, they would dance and blabber.

Tragically, Americans have become used to lying politicians. Can our de-mocracy survive when most people be-lieve that an honest president is both impossible and unnecessary?

Of course, honesty by itself is no guarantee that someone will be a great president. Nor is it by itself sufficient reason to vote for someone. But imag-ine if we insisted that it be a necessary, minimum requirement for supporting politicians.

In the end, without honesty, every reason we use to vote for someone is a joke. Delusional thinking about candi-dates has produced our delusional de-mocracy. Time to stop voting for liars. Better to not vote at all. Voting for liars only encourages more lies.

We have metthe enemyand he is us.”

“to succeed attract supporters for their policy positions, promises or ability to win, despite not being seen as hon-est. That makes their supporters delu-sional. They lie to themselves to justify

their support.This means that most people reject

choosing a candidate on the basis of their perceived honesty. They knowing-ly choose dishonest politicians. Why?

— WaltKellly


facts PART

3

• You breathe on average about 5 million times a year.

• Months that begin on a Sunday always have a Friday the 13th in them.

• You are born with 300 bones, by the time you are an adult you will have 206.

• The average lead pencil will write a line about 35 miles long or write

approximately 50,000 English words.

• One fourth of the bones in your body are in your feet.

• The av-erage person

spends 2 weeks of their lifetime

waiting for the light to change from red to green.

• It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it.

• The present population is ex-pected to rise to 15 billion by the year 2080.

• The largest recorded snowflake was 15 inches wide and 8 inches thick.

• The tip of a bullwhip moves so fast that the sound it makes is actually a tiny sonic boom.

• Native Americans used to name their children after the first thing

they saw as they left their tepees after their children were born, hence the names Sitting Bull and Running Water.

• The Matami Tribe of West Africa play their own version of football, in-stead of a normal football they use a human skull.

• Coca-Cola would be green if the food colorant wasn’t added.

• During the 17th Century, the Sultan of Turkey ordered his whole harem of women to be drowned and re-placed with a new one.

• Coffins used for cremation are usu-ally made with plastic handles.

• “Almost” is the longest word in the English lan-guage with all the letters in alphabetical order.

• Human thigh bones are stronger than concrete.

• Cockroaches can live several weeks with their heads cut off.

• It is impossible to sneeze with your eyes open. We dare you, give it a try!

• A 10-gallon hat will only hold 3/4 of a gallon.

• It is against the law to burp, or sneeze inside a church in Nebraska.

• Earth is the only planet not

named after a god.• Of all the words in the English

language, the word “SET” has the most definitions.

• The world’s oldest piece of chew-ing gum is over 9,000 years old!

• Scientists have tracked butterflies travelling over 3,000 miles.

• The silkworm consumes 86,000 times its own weight in 56 days.

• If removed from the stress of the modern

world, the average

human would sleep about 10 hours a day.

• To produce a single pound of honey, a single bee would have to

visit 2 million flowers.• A colony of

500 bats can eat approximately

250,000 in-sects in an hour.• One in five

adults believe that aliens are hiding in our planet disguised as hu-mans.

• Travelling masseuses in ancient Japan were required by law to be blind.

• The bloodhound is the only ani-mal whose evidence is admissible in court.

• James Fixx, the man who popularized jogging in America died of a heart at-

tack while running.• The average

American spends about a year and

a half of his or her life watching com-

mercials on television. What are you doing?! Get

out and spend that year and a half doing something productive!

• Ancient Greeks practiced a form (ineffective) of birth control that consisted of having a woman hold her breath, making her squat, and sneez-ing.

• The FDA permits up to 5 whole insects per 100 grams of

apple butter.• There are no naturally

occurring blue foods, even blueberries are purple!

• The skeleton of Jeremy Bentham is present in all the important meet-ings of the University of London.

• The elephant is the only mammal that can’t jump!

• Just like fingerprints, everyone’s tongue is different.

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OCEANSIDE, Calif. — HirePatriots.com has been selected by numerous companies in the oil industry as their hiring initiative for U.S. veterans. On March 12, Mark Baird, the founder of HirePatriots.com will be the keynote speaker to 1,500 oil-related companies. They are eager to know how to hire U.S. veterans to fill their multitude of positions.

One of the industries that want to hire U.S. veterans is the Specialized Carriers and Rigging Association. They drive and manipulate extremely pow-erful tractors that are able to move ob-jects that weigh as much as a million pounds! This requires a coordinated team of people dedicated to precision. Who better to fill these positions that veterans?

Last week we spoke with an oil re-lated company that cleans oil derricks. This is a tough job. But it pays extreme-ly well. A U.S. veteran in Michigan who has been struggling to find employ-ment took one of these jobs last week. He will make at least $80,000 a year. He will probably make more because he has signed up early and has time to be trained to be a manager.

The oil industry has thousands of jobs. But many of these jobs require la-boring in the hot sun or in cold temps.

Jobs for 300,000U.S. veterans in oil

A lot of people who are not used to such work quit without even giving no-tice. The oil industry is frustrated with hiring such people. They are turning to U.S. veterans because they believe that veterans are more trustworthy and honorable. And I have assured them that most are.

If you have a desire to make good money with a team of others veterans. If you are not afraid of getting dirty and sweaty. If you are a “man’s man” who word is his bond, contact me and I will send your information on to these companies. Try to respond before March 12 so that I can distribute your resume on that day.

Contact info: Mark Baird, CEO, HirePatriots.com and Chairman, Patri-otic Hearts; [email protected], 760-730-3734.

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your current career


1988PontiacFiero

George H.W. Bush43rd Vice President of the United StatesServed from Jan. 20, 1981 to Jan. 20, 1989

Ronald Reagan40th President of the United States

Served from Jan. 20, 1981 to Jan. 20, 1989

Information is the oxygen of the modern age. It seeps through the walls topped by barbed wire, it wafts across the electrified borders. — Ronald Reagan

World news• After 8 years and 1.5 mil-

lion dead, the Iran-Iraq war ends

• Iraq carries out poison gas attack on Kurds

• Suspected Libyan ter-rorist bomb explodes on Pan Am jet over Lockerbie Scotland killing 259 onboard

• English pound note ceases to be legal tender

• Salmonella is found in eggs in Britain

• Laws changed allowing UK pubs to stay open all day

• Widespread solidarity strikes in Poland

• Soviet Red Army with-draws from Afghanistan

• Piper Alpha drilling plat-form in the North Sea explodes killing 167 people

• Panama leader Manual Noriega charged with drug smug-

gling and money laun-dering

• Prince Chalres escapes avalanche in Switzerland

• Hurricane Gilbert devastated Jamaica, it turns towards

Mex- ico’s Yucatan Penin-sula two days later

U.S. news• A new drug,

Crack (a derivative of cocaine) is increas-ingly found in U.S. cities

• USS Vin-cennes shoots down

Iranian passenger jet Flight 655

• Over 1/3 of Yellowstone Na-tional Park is destroyed when a

series of more than 250 small different fires combined with the 1988 drought destroys 793,880 acres of the park

• U.S. shut- tle program re-

sumes 2-1/2 years after Challenger di-saster

Technology• First transatlantic

fiber optic cable laudable to carry 40,000 telephone calls

simultaneously• Steven Hawking publishes, “A

Brief History of Time”

6 March 1, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS

1988Jaguar XJS

• The first ma-

jor computer virus infects comput-ers connected to the Internet

• The Hubble Space Telescope is put into operation

• The U.S. Stealth Bomb- er is unveiled

• Using carbon dating establishes the Turin Shroud cannot be the burial cloth of Christ

• The antidepressant Prozac hits the market and quickly becomes the

market leader for treating de-pression

• Laser eye surgery is in-troduced

Sports• Ben Johnson

wins 100m gold at Seoul Olympics and is then disquali-

fied for taking steroids• Super Bowl XXII: Washington

42 over Denver 10• NBA Finals: LA Lakers 4 over

Detroit Pistons 3


1988 ChevyCamaro

remember when...

• Income per year ... $24,450• Minimum wage .......... $3.35• New house ........... $90,600• New car ................ $10,400• Gallon of gas ................. 91¢• Dozen eggs ................... 65¢• Gallon of milk .............. $1.89• Loaf of bread ................. 61¢• First-class stamp .......... 24¢• Movie ticket ................ $3.50

AVERAGE COSTOF LIVING

Popular films• Rain Man• Who Framed Roger Rabbit

• Big• Twins

• Crocodile Dundee II

• Die Hard• The Naked

Gun: From the Files of Police Squad!

• Beetlejuice• Dangers Liaisons

• A Fish Called Wands

• Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood

Popular music• “Faith,” George Mi-

chael• “Need You Tonight,”

INXS• “Got My Mind Set On

You,” George Harrison• “Sweet Child o’

Mine,” Guns N’ Roses• “So Emotional,”

Whitney Houston• “Heaven Is A Place

On Earth,” Belinda Car-lisle

Popular TV shows• The Wonder Years• Home and Away• In the Heat of the Night• China Beach

March 1, 2014 THE MILITARY PRESS 7

• Murphy Brown• The Kids in the Hall• Empty Nest• Dear John

BORN THIS YEAR: Above right: Rihanna.Above left: Emma Stone, Haley Joel Osment,

Vanessa Hudgens, Michael Cera.

9881


AF will take action overPOW/MIA emblem photoBy Jon Harper, StarsandStripes.com

WASHINGTON — The Air Force is “disappointed” in the airman who ap-peared in a photo that is being circulat-ed of her posing with her tongue in the mouth of the prisoner of war depicted on the iconic black-and-white POW/MIA emblem.

“We do not yet have all details be-hind the photo, but it certainly is a con-cern; it’s a concern any time someone shows disrespect for prisoners of war and those missing in action. They de-serve our utmost respect and we must always remember their sacrifice and the legacy they’ve left for us as men and women serving our nation.

“I want to make it clear that this is not a reflection of Airmen who wear

this uniform; it is a case of poor judg-ment of one Airman ... to say we are disappointed would be an understate-ment. We are gathering all the details and will take appropriate action at the appropriate level. Our Airmen fully un-derstand the significance of the POW/MIA flag and the sacrifice of the men

and women it honors,” Chief Master Sgt. of the Air Force James Cody said in a statement.

Second Lt. Rachelle Smith, a spokes-woman for Fairchild Air Force Base, told Stars and Stripes that the airman in the photo is Staff Sgt. Cherish Byers. She is with the 92nd Security Forces Squadron stationed at Fairchild Air Force Base, Wash. Byers was a senior airman when the photo was taken.

An investigation into the incident was initiated Friday morning, Smith said.

Joe Davis, a spokesman for the Vet-erans of Foreign Wars, was not amused by the photo.

“There is nothing funny about [be-ing] disrespectful and crude.”

New SI swimsuit model’s parents were Marines

First-time Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Han-nah Ferguson revealed that her parents met while both served in the Marines. Dad was a sniper and mom was a drill instructor. Growing up in small town San Angelo, TX, Ferguson long had aspirations to model for SI. She told Reuters, “My Dad has Sports Illustrated calendars in his shop. I would always flip through them and look at them and daydream about one day being able to do that. I never thought it would come true.”

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HEALTH

In Columbia College’s ongoing effort to serve veteran students, the college recently announced it will waive application fees for veteran students. The fee waiver is available to new veteran students enrolling in undergraduate and graduate degree programs and is applicable with the March Session, which begins March 17. For those new veteran students who want to start or continue their educational journeys, now is an ex-cellent time to go for greater.

“As an institution, we pride our-selves on helping servicemembers and veterans further their educa-tional goals,” said Mike Lederle, assistant dean for Military and Fed-eral Programs at Columbia College. “Lifelong learning is critical for our veterans and their families, and waiving the application fee allows them to take the first step toward achieving their educational goals.”

To be eligible, new veteran stu-dents need to have been honorably discharged and must provide their DD214, DD215, NGB22 or NGB23 to verify veteran status. The waiver is not retroactive for current veteran students.

More than 25 percent of Colum-bia College students either are servicemembers, veterans or their dependents. The college has been named “best for vets” by Military Times and “military friendly” by Military Advanced Education. In 2013, the college celebrated 40 years of educating military and adult learners. During the 2012-13 academic year, more than 7,000 military students completed Colum-bia College coursework at campuses across the country. Of those 35 lo-cations, 18 are located on military bases, including two in California.

Columbia College-Los Alamitos was established in 1997 by invita-tion of the California Army National Guard. Today it continues to serve civilian and military adult learners in the greater Los Angeles area and Orange County. Columbia College-San Diego was established in 2009 to meet the higher education needs of the personnel at the Marine Corps Recruit Depot, other area military installations and to serve the broader civilian community.

The Los Alamitos campus offers three associate and four bachelor’s degree programs in-seat, and the San Diego campus offers one associ-ate and one bachelor’s degree pro-gram in-seat. Both campuses offer 27 associate, bachelor’s and master’s degrees online.

College waives app fees for vets

A climbing expedition designed to help wounded veterans overcome bar-riers in their lives was announced today by Soldiers to Summits (S2S) and Wells Fargo. The expedition, Mission: Mt. Whitney, is led by S2S, a program of No Barriers USA that uses mountains as a metaphor and training ground to help empower veterans to overcome barri-ers and live a life of purpose. Sponsor Wells Fargo & Company has committed

Soldiers to Summits nowaccepting applications

March 21, 2014. Ideal candidates “pos-sess a desire to overcome their barriers and live a life of purpose,” and a wide range of disabilities including blind-ness, amputation, severe burns, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Traumatic Brain Injuries (TBI) can be accommodated. Candidates will need to dedicate themselves to sev-eral months of physical training and participate in pre- and post-program webinars, training and events. To ap-ply, nominate or find out more, go to S2S2014.org.

$35 million through 2015 to support veterans, military members and their families with sustainable housing, ca-reer transition and financial education.

At 14,505, Mt. Whitney is part of the Sierra Nevada mountain range and is the tallest mountain in the contiguous United States.

To be a part of Mission: Mt. Whit-ney, veterans or soldiers can apply or be nominated beginning today through


Defense Department to cutArmy to pre-WWII size

military to handle any enemy but will leave the armed forces with much few-er resources to take on lengthy missions abroad. The dwindled budget also re-flects the current political climate, with a President who has pledged to pull back from extended and expensive wars abroad in an era of federal funding cut-backs.

The budget is to be presented Mon-day.

Hagel proposes cutting the Army to 440,000 to 450,000 troops, according to the Times. Army troop levels already were supposed to go down to 490,000, from their height of 570,000 after the 9/11 attacks.

The budget, does, however, protect funding for cyberwarfare and special operations, a reflection of the evolving way in which the U.S. has approached fighting overseas, using tactics that

don’t necessarily rely so heavily on land fighters. The proposal also preserves money for controversial and costly F-35 fighter planes.

The proposed cuts will probably draw sharp criticism from some mem-bers of Congress, especially those with large Army bases in their states and dis-tricts, or whose economies depend on building and servicing parts for the Air Force planes that will be eliminated.

By Halimah AbdullahThe Department of Defense plans

to scale down the nation’s Army to its pre-World War II size and do away with an entire class of Air Force attack jets in an attempt to cut military spending, which mushroomed after the attacks of Sept. 11, 2001, according to reports.

The plan, backed by Defense Sec-retary Chuck Hagel, as first reported by The New York Times, positions the

Pentagon considering shock treatment to boost troops

Early experiments using “noninvasive” brain stimulation have been performed on several dozen volunteers

By Bryan Bender The Boston Globe

WASHINGTON — The Pentagon is exploring a novel way to extend troops’ attention spans and sharpen their reaction times: stimulate the brain with low levels of electricity.

It sounds like science fiction, but commanders in search of more effec-tive tools than the ubiquitous cups of coffee and energy drinks are testing medical treatments designed to treat

such brain disorders as depression to determine whether they can also im-prove the attentiveness of sleepde-prived but otherwise healthy troops.

Early experiments using “nonin-vasive” brain stimulation have been performed on several dozen volun-teers at the Air Force Research Labo-ratory at Wright-Patterson Air Force Base in Ohio. The results show the technique improves both alertness and acuity, researchers say.

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Alleged scheme targets military students’ free tuition assistanceFrom CBSNews.com

For those serving in the U.S. mili-tary, one benefit is free tuition assis-tance for college courses, but that mon-ey may have made them the target of scam artists.

On “CBS This Morning,” Sharyl Att-kisson shared her investigation into one alleged scheme.

The case is outlined in recently un-sealed court documents. It claims a marketing company made huge profits to secretly funnel military students to an unaccredited college at a wildly in-flated cost to taxpayers.

As a member of the Pennsylvania National Guard, Sgt. Barbara Banghart was excited to use her free military tu-ition assistance to continue her educa-tion. A recruiter on base signed her up for a medical billing course at Caldwell College, a private New Jersey school.

Banghart said, “He said that we would receive a free laptop. They would send us a gift card for Best Buy in the mail, and we could go pick out the lap-top to take the course.”

But she got suspicious when she was directed to a different college, Penn Foster, for the online course. She says the online reviews for Penn Foster were terrible.

Banghart recalled, “I said, ‘What did I get myself into now?’”

The odd arrangement to enroll at one college, then be funneled to anoth-er was allegedly made by a marketing company Ed4Mil — as in Education for

Military.Adam Boyce was hired as an Ed4Mil

recruiter and says it was easy to sign up soldiers with military tuition assis-tance.

Attkisson asked about the soldiers, “They’re basically, I guess, told this is almost free to you?”

Boyce said, “This is your money. It’s ‘use it or lose it.’”

But he says he quickly discovered it was all a bait-and-switch scam. He said, “One day I walked into one of the em-ployees’ offices and saw them altering or doctoring a diploma.”

According to allegations in court, Ed4Mil used Caldwell College — an accredited school — to get the military tuition. Caldwell kept 10 percent and gave the rest to Ed4Mil. Ed4Mil then paid the real cost of the course to Penn Foster, an unaccredited school not eli-gible for military tuition, and kept the rest.

Ed4Mil’s military recruits, taking courses like jewelry making and dog training, had no idea they were paying as much as six times more than civil-ians for the very same class.

Gunsmithing at Penn Foster was normally $708. But the same Penn Fos-ter course through Ed4Mil was $4,331.

Asked what kind of thoughts went through his mind when he discovered that, Boyce said, “I was disgusted that I was helping to recruit the students for so long.”

Boyce quit and blew the whistle.

He’s suing Ed4Mil and Caldwell Col-lege on behalf of thousands of soldiers and taxpayers who provided millions in military tuition over the past four years.

Nobody at Ed4Mil answered the phone or returned CBS News’ emails.

Penn Foster, which declined com-ment for our report, contacted us after it aired to say that it has severed its re-lationship with Ed4Mil. A spokesman for Penn Foster says the college “had no role in the alleged marking up of the content prices for sale to veterans.”

“Understandably, to the extent that the allegations are true, we are ex-tremely disappointed,” said a Penn Fos-ter spokesman. While Penn Foster isn’t accredited to accept military tuition assistance money, the spokesman says the college has various regional and na-tional accreditations and its “programs are affiliated with DANTES [Defense Activity for Non-Traditional Education Support] which qualifies U.S. military

personnel for tuition reimbursement.”Caldwell College would only say it

“no longer has a relationship” with the education provider and “remains com-mitted to providing high-quality educa-tional opportunities.”

Today, Banghart says the Penn Fos-ter course was a big waste of money. She’s now attending community col-lege to become a social worker.

She said, “We’re actually going out there and sacrificing, being away from our families and doing something good for the country, and then you have peo-ple coming in to sell us something that is false.”

Attkisson added on “CBS This Morning,” that nobody from the Pen-tagon would comment, but in recogni-tion of widespread problems for years, new rules require all schools offering courses to active-duty military to sign a memo confirming that they follow cer-tain procedures to protect soldiers and ensure taxpayers aren’t ripped off.

HEALTH


ACROSS1. Rates6. Beige10. Risqué14. Eskimo15. Fastens16. Fit17. Expression of sympathy19. Historical periods20. Bother21. A late time of life22. Anagram of “Note”23. Swelling under the skin25. Chimes26. Website addresses30. Emperor32. Cassock35. Nickname39. Ancient ascetic40. Choose41. Withdraw43. Demesnes44. Enlist46. Gave temporarily47. Monastery head50. Bundles53. Violent disturbance54. Buff55. Breakdown60. Optimistic61. Irregular63. At the peak of64. Chilled65. Moves briskly66. Identical67. Plenty68. Feel

DOWN1. Wealthy2. Dwarf buffalo3. Religious sisters4. Children5. Filched6. French for “Summer”7. Movie house8. Repossess9. Utilized10. Bombastic11. Moses’ brother12. A loud resonant noise13. Affirmatives

18. Directed24. Barely manage25. Agile Old World viverrine26. End ___27. Thorny flower28. Craving29. Mental representation31. Mats of grass33. Concerning (archaic)34. Close36. Go fly a ____!37. Biblical garden38. A musical pause

42. Found in cigarettes43. L45. A surgical knife47. Tapestry48. Flora and fauna49. Breast51. Dawn goddess52. Jackets and trousers54. Hard work56. Ripped57. Nameless58. Handguns59. If not62. CommercialsP

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This week’s solutions:

SUDOKUThe rules to play Sudoku are quite simple. Fill in the blanks

so that each row, each column, and each of the nine 3x3 grids contain one instance of each of the numbers 1 through 9.

Special dish washer

A boy went to his grandfather’s house for a week. On the first night at dinner he found a thick, slimy goo on his plate, so he said to his grandfather, “Grandpa is this plate clean?” “As clean as cold water can get them,” his grandfather answered. This went on for the rest of the week. On the last day when the boy was leaving, the dog wouldn’t let him through. So he said “Grandpa your dog won’t let me through.” His grandfather replied, “Cold Water, go lie down.”

Make up your mindA man was in his front yard attempt-

ing to fly a kite with his son. Every time the kite went up into the air, it came crashing down. This went on for a while until his wife stuck her head out of the front door and yelled, “You need more tail!” The father yelled back, “Screw

Just for

Laughs

you. I told you yesterday that I need-ed more tail and you told me to go fly a kite!”

Surgeon talkFive surgeons are discussing who

makes the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon says, “I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.” The sec-ond responds, “Yeah, but you should try electricians. Every-thing inside them is color-cod-ed.” The third surgeon says, “No, I really think librarians

are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order.” The fourth sur-geon chimes in, “You know, I like con-struction workers. They always under-stand when you have a few parts left over at the end and when the job takes longer than you said it would.” But the fifth surgeon, Dr. Morris Fishbein, shuts them all up when he observes, “The French are the easiest to operate on. There’s no guts, no heart, no balls and no spine. Plus the head and ass are interchangeable.”

The jokeA Mexican and a redneck girl are in

the same bar. When the Mexican finish-es his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, “In Mexico, our glasses are so cheap we don’t need to drink with the same one twice.” The redneck girl, cool as a cucumber, picks

up her beer, downs it in one gulp, throws the glass into the air, whips out her .45, and shoots the Mexican. Catch-ing her glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, she says, “In Amer-ica we have so many illegal Mexicans that we don’t have to drink with the same ones twice.”

Blonde fishing expeditionA blonde wanted to go ice fishing.

She’d seen many books on the sub-ject, and finally, after getting all the necessary “tools” together, she made for the nearest frozen lake. After po-sitioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly- from the sky - a voice boomed, “THERE ARE NO FISH UN-DER THE ICE!” Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a cup of cappuccino from a Thermos, and began to cut yet another hole. Again, from the heavens the voice bel-lowed, “THERE ARE NO FISH UN-DER THE ICE!” The blonde, now quite worried, moved way down to the oppo-site end of the ice, set up her stool, and tried again to cut her hole. The voice came once more. “THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!” She stopped, looked skyward and said, “Is that you Lord?” the voice replied, “NO, THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE ICE RINK.

Top bumper stickers you would like to see

• Jesus loves you... but everyone else thinks you are a jerk

• Hang up and drive.

• Impotence… Nature’s way of say-ing “No hard feelings”

• The proctologist called... they found your head

• Everyone has a photographic mem-ory... some just don’t have any film

• Save your breath... You’ll need it to blow up your date

• Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted

• I used to have a handle on life... but it broke off

• WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship

• Guys… just because you have one, doesn’t mean you have to be one

• Some people just don’t know how to drive... I call these people “Every-body But Me”

• Don’t like my driving? Then quit watching me

• If you can read this... I can slam on my brakes and sue you

• Some people are only alive be-cause it is illegal to shoot them


HOUSING

Australian wiggles into fluid portion of NBA Draft board

NBA TRADE RUMORS:

Utah Jazz rejected trades that would have landed them first-round picksBy Josh Hill

The NBA trade deadline came and went without so much as a whimper from the Utah Jazz, but their lack of activity wasn’t for a lack of effort on the part of other teams in the NBA. While trades were flying on Thursday, the Jazz were reportedly turning away deals that would have landed them first-round picks.

According to Chad Ford from ESPN, the reason that Utah was turning away these otherwise valuable trade assets, was because teams were skiing for Marvin Williams in return. While first-round picks are highly coveted in this year’s draft, the Jazz valued Williams more and rejected all offers.

This may anger fans a bit, as adding young talent to the Jazz is definitely a plus, but giving up Williams doesn’t seem like a bright move. Utah is seem-ingly convinced they can keep him in Utah long-term, otherwise picking up those offered draft picks would have been a no-brainer of a move.

Instead, Utah has held onto Wil-liams and hopefully that gesture goes a long way in keeping Williams in town.

Marvin Williams

By Scott Howard-CooperHe waits and works out, an Australia

resident far from regular NBA scout-ing, a high school student whose season has ended.

Well played, Dante Exum.Without moving, Exum has moved

into a very good spot, resting while the others in the lead pack for the June 26 NBA Draft face the challenges of NCAA life, avoiding the scrutiny and likely enjoying a clear path for months. He can hang out and still move Draft boards, and probably will.

All of that is part of what remains a very fluid top five or six -- even for the top one. Jabari Parker is getting votes from executives, Joel Embiid is getting votes; the decision should ultimately come down to the need of the lottery winner.

Until Exum sits his way all the way to No. 1, of course.

The top 30 just before the All-Star break among draft-eligible prospects, after numerous consultations with front offices:

1. Jabari Parker, Duke | SF 6-8 235 A prototype small forward with skill, size and intelligence beyond his freshman standing. Parker is not a great athlete, compounded by shooting struggles lately, but teams feel he has enough pop to become an NBA star.

2. Joel Embiid, Kansas | C 7-0 240 Executives don’t care that he is thinking out loud about returning for his sophomore season. There have been top prospects who said flat-out they

were staying in school and still shook David Stern’s hand on stage in June.

3. Andrew Wiggins, Kansas | SG-SF 6-8 200 The son of former Bulls, Rock-ets and 76ers guard Mitchell Wiggins has not lived up to the hype, but front offices are not drafting for the best player of 2013-14. Andrew Wiggins still has a game and physical gifts that translate very well.

4. Julius Randle, Kentucky | PF 6-9 250 Randle went from a very impres-sive start to a cooling trend once he got to SEC play, but nothing changes the fact that he could score inside against NBA defenses right now, part of a var-ied offensive game that includes pass-ing skills and footwork.

5. Dante Exum, Australia | PG-SG 6-6 190 The decision to turn pro after considering a season at an American university had been expected. There is great interest from front offices over a prospect who starred in the under-19 world tournament last summer.

6. Marcus Smart, Oklahoma St | PG 6-4 220 Smart will be a physical force, has a chance to be very good defensive-ly and shows a great attitude. But what a risk to take a point guard who can’t

distribute (assist-to-turnover ratio of less than 2-1 as of Feb. 6) or shoot (41.9 percent at the same stage).

7. Noah Vonleh, Indiana | PF 6-10 240 One of the climbers of the early season has maintained his standing with a display of physical play inside and signs of being able to develop a scoring touch away from the paint.

8. Aaron Gordon, Arizona | PF-SF 6-9 225 The lack of a perimeter game is a concern to some, especially for a player who might play small forward. But Gor-don is an elite athlete who plays hard and has a good feel for the game and doesn’t turn 19 until six weeks before 2014 training camp.

9. Gary Harris, Michigan St | SG 6-4 210 Regarded as a top perimeter weapon who can also get to the rim, Harris has recovered from a slow start while dealing with a sprained ankle to become an offensive factor again.

10. Dario Saric, Croatia | SF 6-10 235 A strong possibility for the 2013 lottery before withdrawing late, Saric has very good instincts and can play in transition or halfcourt. The concerns are that he is turnover prone and has an inconsistent shot.


GRAND OPENINGTHIS wEEkEND

We’re making some noise about innovative Built to Order™ home designs, an incredible selection of décor upgrades and options, energy-efficient features and a neighborhood unlike any you’ve ever seen.

You’ll find the party at KB Home this weekend!

A new Built to Order neighborhood is here!Acacia at Mahogany Hills in Murrieta From the mid $300s• 2,343–2,894 sq. ft., 3–5 bdrms., 2–4 baths• solar power system included as a standard feature

Ironwood at Mahogany Hills in Murrieta From the low $300s• 2,282–4,506 sq. ft., 3–6 bdrms., 2–6 baths• future community parks, basketball courts and more

From I-215 or I-15, exit Murrieta Hot Springs Rd. heading east. Turn left on Winchester Rd., lefton Max Gillis Blvd., then right on Prickly Pear Way to sales center.. (951) 923-4057

Broker Cooperation Welcome. ©2014 KB Home (KBH). A 1.4kW solar power system is included as a standard component of a new KB home at Mahogany Hills. Energy bill savings are based on estimated monthly costs for electricity and gas for a home as designed (not as built) with the corresponding solar power system compared to estimated monthly costs for electricity and gas without the system. KBH makes no guarantee of energy production by any solar power

system installed with a home or of energy costs or savings, if any, experienced by any homeowner. Energy costs and savings, if any, will vary by floor plan, home size, occupancy, daily activities, appliance usage, thermostat settings, climate conditions and orientation of the home and the solar power system size and operating conditions, among other factors. KBH reserves the right to modify, discontinue or replace any solar options at any time without prior notice. Other restrictions and limitations may apply. Solar power systems are supplied by SunPower Corporation®. KBH and SunPower Corporation are independent companies. SunPower and the SunPower logo are trademarks or registered trademarks of SunPower Corporation. See Built to Order™ options and upgrades offered at KB Home Studio. All options/upgrades require additional charges and ordering at

predetermined stages of construction, and are subject to change/discontinuation anytime by KB Home. KB Home is not a custom homebuilder. Plans, pricing, financing, terms, availability and specifications subject to change/prior sale without notice and may vary by neighborhood, lot location and home series. Buyer responsible for all taxes, insurance and other fees. Sq. footage is approximate. Future development of planned amenities is subject to change and not guaranteed. ARTIST’S CONCEPTION: Illustration may depict upgraded landscaping/options and may not represent lowest-priced homes. See sales representative for details. KB Home Sales–Southern California Inc. (CA Real Estate License 00242327). SOCAL-115784

Documents

Military Press Zone 2, Mar. 1, 2014