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Module 1: Identifying Your Values & Goals for Managing Stress or Anxiety

You can learn how to better manage your stress or anxiety by focusing on your goals and values, rather

than avoiding feelings of stress or anxiety.

Your feelings of stress or anxiety are indications of a problem, but these feelings are not the source of your

problems. Avoiding situations, people or thoughts that seem to increase your anxiety in the short-term will not

lower your feelings of stress or anxiety in the long-term. In fact, your anxiety may be getting worse the more

you try to avoid situations, people or your own thoughts that seem to make you anxious or stressed.

Anxiety and stress are not even noticeable until these feelings begin to undermine your goals or pull you away

from what is meaningful to you – your values. So, the first step is to identify your goals and values so you can

learn how anxiety is disrupting you from reaching your destination. Your values are the principles by which

you live and how you want others to view you. You may value being smart, physically active, a great parent to

you children, a supportive friend, a dependable employee, a creative thinker or trustworthy. Your goals often

support your values, such as acquiring a job to take care of your family, losing some weight to have more

energy for sports, or taking college classes to increase your knowledge. Take a few minutes to read the

following paragraph, known as the miracle question – it’s used to highlight your goals and values.

Miracle question:

Imagine that when you go sleep tonight, a miracle occurs. You don’t know what happens, but when you wake

up, your life has changed and you no longer have the problems you had when you went to bed. You no longer

feel the stress or anxiety that you felt when you went to bed. You wake up and feel very different from the way

you have felt in the past mornings. How will you feel when your stress and anxiety are gone? What will you do

when you get up and get out of bed. What will your day look like at work, with your family, and with your

social activities? What will you do in the evening or on the weekend? What will you say to yourself once you

are free of stress or anxiety?

Take out a note pad and write down all your thoughts, behaviors and feelings that you will experience after the

miracle occurs. These thoughts, actions and feelings will be your destination; i.e., the road map for your

journey through the following modules.

Everyone experiences feelings of stress and anxiety, as these are feelings built into your body. You can’t avoid

feeling stress or anxiety in your life because they are hardwired to your body. As you drift from your goals and

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values; however, you tend to be more vulnerable to intensive feelings of stress or anxiety. The good news is

that you can learn how to increase your tolerance or endurance for stress or anxiety as you move closer to your

goals and values.

So, do you want to know how you can use your values to manage stress and anxiety? If yes,

keep reading.

An easy first step for you is to write down all the important things in your life that you just imagined when

reading the miracle question. You will use this list as your road map that will lead you to your destination – get

you closer to your goals and values. We have a form that you can use to design your road map; it’s called My

life areas, values and activities. You can start by picking a life area that you would like to use as your

destination. You can use one, two or all of the life areas as your guide. Any life area will work as long as you

care about that aspect of your life. You can list your values under each life area. Again, only select the values

that you strive for; the ones that would get you going each day and help you approach stressful situations.

Under each value are activities that keep you close to your values. An activity is a goal that you can pursue

each day. The list can include activities that you are now avoiding because of stress or anxiety, would like to

increase or a new activity that you have been interested in trying.

Mapping Out Your Destination

Visualize being in the old west where you travel by stagecoach. You are sitting on top of the stagecoach,

driving your team of horses. All elements of your life are in the stagecoach, including your family, friends,

work, home and all other aspects of your life that you are responsible for or care about. You have a team of

wild horses pulling your stagecoach. Each horse represents a challenge in your life that can cause you stress or

anxiety. These horses are strong, impulsive, and have a tendency to go off in different directions, which can

increase your stress and undermine your goal of reaching your destination. However, you can use the horses to

reach your destination – remember that they are strong and can be organized into a powerful force to pull your

stagecoach if you can keep them all on the same path. That path is your values and goals.

Stress and anxiety are sources of energy in your body, which you can use to achieve your goals; however, if you

go off the path, your feelings of stress or anxiety can grow into wild horses running in different directions.

Therefore, the key to your success is developing a road map that clearly reflects your goals and values. The

more detail that you add to your map, the more likely you are to keep your horses on the path.

Here are some guidelines for developing your road map.

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Guideline 1: Repeat strategies that helped you approach and manage stressful situations in the past while still

feeling the stress or anxiety

� Write down all the techniques that have worked for you in the past when you need to accomplished a

task while feeling stressed or anxious

Guideline 2: Avoid or minimize using strategies that numb or distract your mind while feeling stressed, such as

alcohol, marijuana, pain killers, or food

� Distracting or numbing your mind can actually increase your sensitivity to stress; in other words, using

alcohol, food or marijuana to manage your stress can lower your tolerance for stress over time

Guideline 3: Take baby steps toward your goals and avoid making big leaps

� Increasing your tolerance or endurance for stress or anxiety is similar to increasing your endurance for

jogging – start by walking a few times a week and gradually build up lung strength to start running

Watching Out for Bandits in Your Mind

Your thoughts about your past may attempt to rob your stagecoach as you travel toward your destination

– keep any eye out for these bandits in your mind and stay focused in the present to keep them away from

your stagecoach

You already have the skills to keep your horses on the path, but you and everyone else who struggles to manage

stress or anxiety have another problem while driving your stagecoach; i.e., your past. Your past is stored in

your brain in the form of mental rules that you have used to solve problems in the past. Your mental rules

evolved over time through experiences and learning.

You can view your mental rules as bandits hiding in the shadows and behind rocks along your path. Each

bandit was created out of your past trips when you were exposed to scary situations, difficult experiences, made

mistakes or were unable to reach your destination. These bandits know you and your goals and values; so they

will know where you want to go and will attempt to rob your stagecoach as you move forward. In other words,

your mental rules from your past can undermine your confidence that you need to reach your goals. The

problem with many of these mental rules is that they are based on the past, rather than on present information.

For example, you may have been unable accomplish a goal, such as getting a good grade on an exam, asking a

person out for a date, or holding onto a job you enjoyed:

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• “I failed at this in the past so I’m likely to fail again”, which leads to a logical conclusion, based on an

outdated rule; i.e.,

• “I shouldn’t try sense it will be a waste of my time – I will fail regardless of what I do”.

Through each module, you will learn how to develop effective steps toward your goals while managing stress.

Part of your learning will include spotting the bandits in your mind who will want to stop your stagecoach from

moving forward. These bandits will shoot you with damaging statements, instead bullets, such as

• I won’t get the job, I’m not qualified and I have failed at jobs like this in the past – I will cancel the

interview

• My partner won’t listen to me and I know if I ask for help he/she will start arguing with me; I can’t

handle arguments or angry people; my needs are not important; I will say nothing and avoid the issue

• I can’t handle the stress at work, I can’t change anything and I’m behind in my work – I need to call

out sick today and just avoid thinking about it

• I can’t go out if I feel anxiety; there is danger and I can’t protect myself, I need to avoid anything

that makes me feel anxious, I will stay in the house and the anxiety will go away, I will try tomorrow

In each module, you will learn how to identify and manage mental rules that are based in the past. You don’t

need to get rid of these bandits or try to avoid them; instead, you can learn how to update your mental rules; i.e.,

retrain your bandits, by using information that is based on present facts. Like the wild horses, your bandits will

always be around in your mind, but you can manage them by focusing on present information and your values.

As an example, your updates could include:

• Yes, I have failed at some of my job interviews in the past, but I’ve also gotten jobs and the company

is impressed with my application – if I go, I have a chance of getting the job and if I cancel, I have

no chance of getting the job

• I can’t ignore my own needs, even when I try – I can ask for help calmly and keep the focus on what I

need without blaming my partner – we don’t always argue, so there is chance he/she could help me

if I ask, but there is no chance, if I don’t ask

• My stress levels increases when I call out sick from work; so it will help if I go. I can break down all

my tasks into smaller steps and focus on what I can do today

• My anxiety does not go down over time if I avoid social situations; I can go out for a few minutes and

leave if it gets to stressful for me; I usually feel better when I go out and start socializing

Assignments:

For this week, begin to complete the form My life areas, values and activities. You can identify one or more

areas to address that seem the most important to you. In particular, make a note of all the meaningful aspects of

your life that you are avoiding because of your anxiety or stress. You and your wellness coach can begin to

help you move back to your valued activities. Also, write down all the strategies that you have used to move

closer to your goals while you felt stress or anxiety. You and your mobile wellness coach can talk about how to

use these strategies when you meet on the phone or at the clinic. If you have time, you can also list all the

mental rules; i.e., the bandits that have undermined your goals in the past. These bandits will come back, so

you can begin to develop a plan for updating your outdated mental rules.