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Q: My fiance and I are planning a Hawaii wedding. We’re from

the East Coast. We would love for all

of our family to make the wedding,

but we understand

some of our family

and friends won’t be

able to make it.

I have an aunt

who is notorious

for influencing oth-

ers to make fam-

ily vacation plans

within driving dis-

tance because she has

a fear of flying. That

fear is now interfer-

ing with our wed-

ding. She is not willing to come to

Hawaii due to that fear, and now

her parents and her siblings are

frustrated with us for planning a

wedding that is not within driving

distance.

Are we crazy to think this day

should be about us and should be

where we want it? Or should we fold

and have the wedding somewhere

she can drive to it? Am I being an

ungracious bride?

My family can’t seem to under-

stand there will be an irreparable

rift between my aunt and me if she

ruins yet another family event.

A: Aloha-Oy.Please, stop. “There will be

(a) rift”? Only if you decide to create one, so stop hiding behind the pas-sive voice.

Also stop hiding behind “this day should be about us” rationales for doing whatever you want. Weddings don’t suspend the laws of autonomy and consequences. You choose the wedding you want, yes—and accept the consequences of your choices.

So, destination? Sure. Just take responsibility for whatever comes with that. It’s not just about hav-ing fewer guests, either. Another consequence is that people will feel annoyed at having to choose between shelling out or missing out.

Another is that your aunt will feel excluded, whether you like her or not, and maybe so will oth-ers who have similar obstacles to a pricey, 12-hour-ish flight. Certainly no one relative is entitled to control everyone’s event planning—I’m with you there, Auntie sounds overdue to be a good sport about missing some things—but requesting outsize help-ings of others’ money and time for a wedding, even if you graciously take “no” for an answer, doesn’t sit well with some folks. Right or wrong; what’s real must be reckoned with.

Another consequence is that

some relatives who love you will

still side with your aunt. Which is

their prerogative and therefore not

her fault. If your people lived all

over the world, then even a wedding

in your own backyard would mean

travel. But as backdrop-shoppers,

you’ll be lucky if only one relative is

unthrilled.

Again—utterly your decision,

your prerogative, your life. And your

consequences to manage.

For which an “irreparable rift” is

surely not the best you’ve got?

I say go to Hawaii ... or fold.

Whatever. Just own it.

Meaning, don’t blame Auntie.

In fact, draw her in. Tell her you’re

touched your wedding is so import-

ant to her and sorry you didn’t fully

appreciate how much being there

would matter to everyone. Because

people do want to be included, and

inclusion is a mutual gift.

And if the island wedding is on,

then promise a local reception after-

ward, if you’re willing. I’m guessing

the only people that won’t appease

at least somewhat are the ones just

itching to judge.

Email Carolyn at tellme@wash

post.com or follow her on Facebook

at facebook.com/carolyn.hax.

Family frustrated by wedding in Hawaii

CAROLYN HAX

TELL ME

ABOUT IT

Camping hammock is lightweight, easy to pack

What’s the complaint you most hear from peo-ple who are reluctant to go camping? I don’t want to sleep on the ground. Even those who love camping might have the same gripe, which is why hammocks have taken off in recent years as an option for a more comfortable night of sleep in the outdoors. Of course, they’re also a great way to relax and read a book when you need a break during the day.

The Kammok Roo Double camping hammock gives you plenty of space, and this year’s new edition is made with softer, lighter and more packable mate-rial than ever before. The hammock weighs just 18 ounces, yet it is plenty sturdy and can hold up to 500 pounds of weight. The climbing-grade suspension system keeps you feeling secure—and you can even choose to add 15-foot long straps, meaning you can connect to trees 30 feet apart. The carabiners that attach the straps to the hammock are top-notch, and the whole system fits neatly into a stuff sack for easy packing.

Price: $79, kammok.com—Jeff Banowetz, Tribune News Service

Travel

Spike in vacation scams elicits warning for travelers

In 2019, more than $22.6 million in travel scams has been lost, and we haven’t even reached the sum-mer.

This is why the Better Business Bureau has issued a warning about vacation deal scams after they’ve seen a spike in numbers. There has been a total of 91 travel fraud reports across North America this year alone.

The BBB wants travelers to know that scammers are trying to target consumers through social media, pop-up ads and unsolicited phone calls. They’re look-ing for people who are interested in finding the best price by booking early. One victim in Canada was scammed out of $48,000.

The bureau is warning travelers of scammers ask-ing for credit card details over phones or requesting scanned copies of their driver’s license. Many scam-mers are pressuring victims with a false sense of urgency.

“Travel scams can range from flight and vacation packages with prices that are too good to be true, to scammers impersonating reputable travel service businesses and consumers submitting personal infor-mation to a fake website,” the BBB’s Karla Davis said in a news release.

All in all, the BBB wants travelers to stay away from broad internet searches for travel deals that might lead travelers to fraudulent websites. They also advise that you get trip details in writing before pay-ing and not to wire money or use prepaid debit cards to pay for vacations.

Last but not least, if the deal seems too good to be true—it probably is.

—Travelpulse

By Gary Gerard Hamilton

Associated Press

NEW YORK

From wine to cloth-ing to tours, HBO and retailers have cashed in

through the years with “Game of Thrones” merchandise. “Thrones” is not only a huge international show but also a massive business, with all sides hoping to pad the bank during the show’s eighth and final season.

“It’s thousands of products, just a lot of stuff all around the world,” said Jeff Peters, HBO’s vice president of licensing and retail. “We’re so busy we don’t stop and count.”

Products include makeup, beer, toy collectibles and even high fashion collaborations.

But while the show itself is a TV phenomenon, that doesn’t guarantee fans will flock to stores.

“It’s certainly good to be lucky. But you don’t get to where the merchandising pro-grams are with HBO and what they’ve done with ‘Game of Thrones’ unless you have a true, point-by-point marketing and merchandising and retail strategy,” product and licens-ing expert Tony Lisanti said.

“This is a global property and every country may reso-nate a little different.”

California-based Vintage Wine Estates has been making the official “Game of Thrones” wine for three years now, said Pat Roney, the company’s CEO.

“Just the excitement all over the world with the calls that we get from almost 40 differ-ent countries to sell wine—it’s just amazing,” he said.

Popular tours of “Game of Thrones” filming locations in Croatia and Ireland have boosted small, local economies

there, according to TripAdvi-sor’s Andrew Aley.

“Some really positive exam-ples like Northern Ireland, for example, where it’s not some-where that’s always been on every tourist’s radar and it’s now become one of the major pillars of tourism in that local economy,” he said. “But it’s one of those factors that’s then driving tourism to other attrac-tions as well, like at Belfast Titanic or Giant’s Causeway.”

It wasn’t always this easy for HBO to find retailing part-ners for “Game of Thrones,” Peters said.

“At the beginning, nobody really knew what it was,” he said. “So, we were the ones making phone calls and we were saying, ‘Hey, you got to get in on this. We think there’s a great opportunity.’ As the show got established and got big, then all the calls came to

us and people were just throw-ing ideas and pitches.”

Some of those ideas resulted in fashion collabora-tions with companies such as Adidas, who created the now hard-to-find Adidas x Game of Thrones Ultra Boosts shoes, as well as a collection with men’s fashion designer John Varva-tos.

“The one thing that always stands out in my mind from the first season was all the tex-tures, all the way the leathers are finished, the artisan fab-rics, and it’s a lot of what we do,” said Varvatos. “But I also didn’t want to make ‘Game of Thrones’ (clothes) where someone felt like they were wearing a costume around town. ... So what you wanted to do is take that inspiration with a lot of the great details from the wardrobe from the show and put that into prod-uct that people actually could wear.”

There are also “Thrones”-themed board games such as“Monopoly,” “CLUE” and “Risk”; Danielle Nicole’s “Game of Thrones” handbags; and beer made by upstate New York’s Brewery Ommegang.

Just how much money is being made? No one really knows except HBO. And the number’s hard to estimate, for a reason.

“HBO wants to get as high a licensing fee as possible. It will not want the companies that license ‘Game of Thrones’ to know what deals HBO is strik-ing so that those companies seek to obtain a lower fee,” wrote Dr. Larry Chiagouris, professor of marketing at Pace University, in an email to the Associated Press.

His broad guess of how much HBO is bringing in: “It’s a lot!”

On the way out, ‘Thrones’ cashes in

The Gazette

Urban Decay has a new makeup collection inspired by ‘Game of Thrones.’

HBO photos via APVarious styles of Adidas x Game of Thrones Ultra Boosts sneakers were inspired by HBO’s ‘Game of Thrones’ series. From wine to clothing to tours, HBO and retailers have cashed in throughout the years with ‘Game of Thrones’ merchandise. It is a massive business, with all sides hoping to pad the bank as the show runs its eighth and final season on HBO.

President Donald Trump might soon be able to claim a sweet victory for his deregulation push, with officials preparing to get rid of the decades-old rules for frozen cherry pies.

Emails show the Food and Drug Administration planned to start the process for revoking the stan-

dard for frozen cherry pies this month, fol-lowed by a similar revo-cation of the standard for French dressing. Plans to get rid of the obscure rules had been tucked into the Trump administration’s deregu-lation agenda.

Standards for an array of foods including cot-tage cheese and canned peas were put in place decades ago partly to ensure a level of quality. They spell out how products with specific names can be made, including ingredients that are required or not allowed. The rules for frozen cherry pies say they must be 25% cherries by weight with no more than 15% of the cherries being blemished.

It’s not always clear why some food terms have standards and others don’t. The rules are seen as arcane by many and are a sore spot in the food indus-try, with companies saying they prevent innovation or prompt lawsuits. The FDA under Trump has said it plans to update the standards.

Lee Sanders of the American Bakers Association said she’s hopeful the cherry pie standard will finally be revoked but that it would not make a big differ-ence for the industry.

“I feel confident our members are producing cherry pies with more than enough cherries,” she said.

—Associated Press

FDA might soon drop rules for cherries in frozen pies

HBO, retailers turn successful show into profitable business